The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

strange thing... went to the gym today for the first time in 2 months

usually i am in the gym 5 days a week... i,m feeling good today, i just hope it lasts

nearly every thought i have about her, is negative... rarely a positive enters my mind... strange

 

[Married Buried]

strange thing... went to the gym today for the first time in 2 months

usually i am in the gym 5 days a week... i,m feeling good today, i just hope it lasts

nearly every thought i have about her, is negative... rarely a positive enters my mind... strange

Strange? It is not strange. You are are finally realizing she was a piece of garbage. It's time to find someone who is not.

 

[soulforge]

i must admit.. i am having this underlying feeling of guilt for dumping her

keep telling myself i did the right thing.... but if had not done it, we could have still been togehter

 

[Married Buried]

i must admit.. i am having this underlying feeling of guilt for dumping her

keep telling myself i did the right thing.... but if had not done it, we could have still been togehter

Why am I wasting my 10 post count bullsh!t for this? Why do you want to be together with garbage?

 

[soulforge]

Why am I wasting my 10 post count bullsh!t for this? Why do you want to be together with garbage?

ha ha so true... mate i think i,m doing better... like i said hardly any positive thoughts about her.... more negatives than anything else

 

[VikingKing]

had a drink tonight & feel like sh@t

why do i mourn for a person who treated me like crap, and showed me no respect

Because it bruised your ego. I did the same thing, you based your ego on her. Thats how she controlled you, byt feeding your ego (making you feel good) or starving your ego and/or putting you down (making you feel bad)

 

[Jariel]

My heart goes out to you mate, I feel exactly the same, but in a slightly different way: My family, especially my mum, are right in my corner, she knows instantly I walk in the room how I'm feeling, I couldn't get through this without them. My friends lend an ear and listen to me babble on from time to time and take the pi$$ a lot, this helps brighten my mood for a while. But this is what brings tears to my eyes, my in-laws loved me to bits, my mother-in-law was the best, she treated me like a son, said I was her third son, her two brothers told me I was 'their' brother too, in five months I've heard nothing from any of them, it breaks my heart, what have I learned, talk is cheap, they are full of BS and this makes me angry for being so gullable.

Keep your head up Jariel, it has to get better, it just has to.

That sucks mate! When you break up from a serious relationship, or worse still, a marriage, you leave a lot of people behind. And sadly a lot of those people will turn on you. My gfs parents turned on me in a big way last time we broke up, claiming I was selfish, unsupportive and too much of a distraction when she's supposed to be making big life decision. It fvcking hurt! And even when she wanted me back, they were trying to talk her out of it.

I've deleted her brothers and friends from Facebook. I feel bad about it because I like them and they were the ones who defended me last time. I thought about messaging them to explain why I needed to delete them from FB, but I'm sure it would get back to her and is pretty much breaking no contact.

 

[Jariel]

Because it bruised your ego. I did the same thing, you based your ego on her. Thats how she controlled you, byt feeding your ego (making you feel good) or starving your ego and/or putting you down (making you feel bad)

This is absolutely spot on Soulforge.

This is what you must realise. She is responsible for you feeling this way. Once you remove the poison from your life and overcome your dependence, you can thrive once again.

I think this is true of all break ups to some extent, but especially in your case mate.

 

[soulforge]

Because it bruised your ego. I did the same thing, you based your ego on her. Thats how she controlled you, byt feeding your ego (making you feel good) or starving your ego and/or putting you down (making you feel bad)

is this a bdp traight? or a highly manipulative person x

 

[soulforge]

This is absolutely spot on Soulforge.

This is what you must realise. She is responsible for you feeling this way. Once you remove the poison from your life and overcome your dependence, you can thrive once again.

I think this is true of all break ups to some extent, but especially in your case mate.

this is probably why i don't really have many positive thoughts about her, or feel like she was this amazing woman...

deep inside i knew she was trash... and when that poison is out of my body... i will be a free man again, to live a normal life.

never putting myself in that kind of situation ever again

 

[soulforge]

i,m looking at it this way... i made a lucky escape. this woman wanted me to give up my home & move in with her.

even marry her & she even wanted a baby... wtf thats child support for the next 16 years!

i,m 37 by the way

she is 46 year old, with 4 kids... 3 of them living with her..

on top of that she is rude, disrespectful & selfish... what the f@ck do i gain out of being with her.

what the f@ck is her & her brood ever going to do for me... other than drain my life & energy

she is 50 in just four years time... them looks is going to be history... she is already looking tired & needs regular botox

on top of that, her health is on it's way out... she is putting weight on & having health problems...

i am certain i will look back at this & think, wow what a lucky f@cking escape!!!

 

[Jariel]

It's really difficult mate. We're all going through this weird mental and emotional instability at the moment and so many thoughts going through our minds.

I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind some days, like I'm a different person with different perspectives and different emotions from hour to hour. I've not looked back at my posts on here, but I know they're erratic to the point of crazy. The other night I talked about going on a date and moving on with a new girl, one post I talked about what a b1tch my ex is and in other posts I've talked about how great she is. Then I start talking about the best way to move on and it makes so much sense and I have such clarity, and then I revert to crying like a baby!

All I can say is thank fvck my ex can't see me now! haha.

But once again, this stresses why No Contact is so damn important. Just imagine if we were writing this sh1t to our exes! The sad thing is, a lot of people actually do. I've even done it myself many years ago.

 

[MaddXMan]

Had a dream about the ex last night, woke up feeling sad. But the immediacy of the feelings caused by the dream faded quick and in less than 5 minutes I was falling asleep again. Woke up with barely a memory of it and feel fine, it's like wtf was that about?? Dreams can mess with ya.

 

[Machtwo]

I think I'm waiting/hoping for some sort of Eureka moment, where I say to myself, that's it, your done with all this break-up crap!

Do you think stuff like that happens?

 

[Jariel]

I think I'm waiting/hoping for some sort of Eureka moment, where I say to myself, that's it, your done with all this break-up crap!

Do you think stuff like that happens?

That's what I've been holding out for too. This is why I've been reading all the break up guides I can find, watching videos and seeking advice...just hoping something clicks and I can get control over this. Unfortunately, while I'm doing that, I'm putting my life on hold and continuing to obsess over the break up.

But everyone is saying the same thing and it's the same as every break up and loss I've ever been through...it just takes time and we have to ride it out.

This clip from the movie Swingers says it all...

http://youtu.be/S8slB-mYCPw

Read the comments too. Lots of people have been there before us mate.

Meanwhile we just have to find distractions and other activities and goals to channel our energy into and appreciate what moments of peace we can get. Perhaps the key is to go with it rather than trying to resist it or stop it.

 

[rossitheking]

strange thing... went to the gym today for the first time in 2 months

usually i am in the gym 5 days a week... i,m feeling good today, i just hope it lasts

nearly every thought i have about her, is negative... rarely a positive enters my mind... strange

2 months of having thoughts plus posting about her daily (regardless whether it's positive or negative) and hitting the gym just once = ........still invested in her (as said, the mind doesn't care if you think negative or positive about her - it's still about her)

2 months of hitting the gym and limiting or not posting about her daily (regardless whether it's positive or negative) = ...............moving on.



There is no such thing as waiting, hoping or having an eureka moment. You will wait all your life if u believe this. Change your focus and goals step by step. Day by day.

If you want to become the best man you can be - level headed, motivated, calm and balanced. It is essential that you experience both the very highs and the very lows. How can you be balanced if you only ever experienced highs. You must experience lows and learn from them.

There is no eureka moment.

 

[European-DJ]

http://youtu.be/S8slB-mYCPw
.

SPOILER ALERT:

I think the scene where the ex calls him, and he is over her is even better. It's the same every time, you break up, you hit ground zero, you slowly build yourself up, when you regain control of yourself and your emotions, and start moving on, she contacts you. It's like these girls can sense that we are back on track, and sense that we are moving on; as a result, they come back.
- but when that happens (2 months, 6 months or 2 years from now), we will be in such a state, that we are not interested in them romantically. Perhaps as friends, but we will have moved on to better things, and becoming better people.

 

[soulforge]

think i,m going through the anger phase now

starting to see all the negative things about this woman & the fact that she was not even relationship material to begin with.

i kind of feel like i let myself down, by thinking i could fix a broken person like her.. wasted 2 years of my life & let her kill my self esteem

and for what? for a trashy woman who is out looking for a new man, just days after me dumping her... feel sorry for her next victim

in one hand i feel like i made a lucky escape tho, no kids, marriage, living together etc..

 

[soulforge]

jariel clear your inbox. will send you private message

 

[Jariel]

Day 24:

Why am I feeling worse now than I did 10 days ago? I feel like I'm in such a dark place right now and every so often I get these moments of utter anguish come over me that makes me wonder if life is really worth continuing.

I've taken on board the recent advice and I'm finding things to keep me busy and focused. I think this may have been why I was doing so well around day 10, because I was covering extra shifts at work and had a lot of social contact, whereas this week I've been off work and barely seen anybody.

What really confuses me is that a couple of months ago I could go a whole week without seeing my gf and be sat in this same place on my own, same time and be going through this same routine without any contact with her and I'd feel happy. And now here I am, feeling utterly miserable.

The thing is, everything else in my life is going so right. I'm working out hard and looking good, my business is taking off and I'm earning some easy money, my other job is good, I'm getting lots of female attention and this girl I've been chatting to lately is actually very keen and seems like a great prospect.

This suffering is all being caused by my own mind and it's like I have this demon in my head that is purposely trying to torture me and keeps throwing all these painful memories, thoughts, doubts and questions at me even though I'm trying hard to ignore them.

Does that make sense to any one or am I actually losing my mind?