The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dreww]

I also don't think me always being there for there and always wanting to be with her was 100% of the problem but I do believe it was a big part

 

[henrea4]

I doubt it. If anything, I was the opposite of that guy. Never really treated her like I wanted to be with her. Only wanted to spend time with her if we were watching a movie or I wanted sex. Never compromised and did the fun things she wanted to do...and this was a very low maintenance woman!

 

[0cco]

Nope, ours broke down due to distance and my insecurities during distance that created arguments and eventually made her feel the 'drop'. She's still in love with me but refuses to have a relationship because of the distance.

 

[Jariel]

It's interesting how many of us felt our relationship change and eventually fall apart when we started being too nice and supplicating.

When women get complacent in a relationship, they will often get fat or make less effort with their appearance, whereas many of us men stop being a challenge and let our game slip.

In those cases, no contact is vitally important. If she lost attraction or respect for you, then NC is a last ditch effort to show her you don't need her and you're not the needy guy she thought you were.

Of course, not all cases are like this and some girls may have valid rational reasons for breaking it off. My gf ended with me before because of pressures in her home and personal life, but she still had strong feelings for me.

I think it's safe to say being nice and accommodating is definitely a relationship killer.

The frustrating thing in all this is that I can see it all so clearly now and I've learned where I went wrong, and yet it's too late. You can't just contact your ex and say "Hey baby, you know how I used to be needy and you lost attraction for me? Well, I've figured it out now and I can be more of a challenge if you give me another chance". haha.

But the positive side of such a hard and painful lesson as this is that you're less likely to repeat it again.

 

[European-DJ]

It's so humoristic to see how alike we guys are, and how alike girls are.

It's seems like we were all killed off when we became nice-guys and 'admitted' that we missed their affection and love - and we all became those nice guys because they 'asked' for support and more availability. When we gave it, shvt happened though.

...

The frustrating thing in all this is that I can see it all so clearly now and I've learned where I went wrong, and yet it's too late. You can't just contact your ex and say "Hey baby, you know how I used to be needy and you lost attraction for me? Well, I've figured it out now and I can be more of a challenge if you give me another chance". haha.

But the positive side of such a hard and painful lesson as this is that you're less likely to repeat it again.

Seriously, I have a draft that says something like that! Even though I would never send it, I just fell like telling her everything I have realized and learned from her dumping me! Haha.. Omg, this is so pathetic, I'm ranting like I had no other friends than her!

- I must admit though, she was probably my 'best friend' at the end, because we could really share a lot with each other, stuff I wouldn't share with my best buddy,


But we will all come out of this so many experiences richer, and as better men!

 

[dreww]

I feel like one day in the future, whether its 2 months or more of no contact, I could contact her somehow and let her know that I've realized I came across as needy and that's what ultimately ended the relationship. I've learned so much about myself and others simply by this breakup and I would really love to share that with her one more time. You guys have helped so much and I've realized you can't make one person your main source of happiness and that you have to love yourself and have your own life before you can love someone else and become part of their life in a healthy way. I want more than anything to be able to tell her these kinds of things at the end of 60 days whether I still have feelings for her or not, but it seems like everyone on here advises against recount acting your ex after starting the NC . Day 11 has been tough for me

 

[0cco]

Of course, not all cases are like this and some girls may have valid rational reasons for breaking it off. My gf ended with me before because of pressures in her home and personal life, but she still had strong feelings for me.

Would you have any recommendations in this situation Jariel? If she still has strong feelings but a valid reason (distance)?

 

[henrea4]

I feel like one day in the future, whether its 2 months or more of no contact, I could contact her somehow and let her know that I've realized I came across as needy and that's what ultimately ended the relationship. I've learned so much about myself and others simply by this breakup and I would really love to share that with her one more time. You guys have helped so much and I've realized you can't make one person your main source of happiness and that you have to love yourself and have your own life before you can love someone else and become part of their life in a healthy way. I want more than anything to be able to tell her these kinds of things at the end of 60 days whether I still have feelings for her or not, but it seems like everyone on here advises against recount acting your ex after starting the NC . Day 11 has been tough for me

It's ultimately up to you what to do. There are similarities in all of the stories, but each case is unique. What didn't work for me may in fact get you back with your ex (if that's what you truly desire) I've read several stories on the web where a girl will break up with a guy, feel regrets, and never say a word to him about it. Yeah you can assume that if she isn't contacting you that she's happy with her decision, but the only way to know for certain...if you absolutely have to know...is to simply ask. Then again, if she regrets what she's done enough, one would think she'd reach out. Every case is different...

 

[Jariel]

I feel like one day in the future, whether its 2 months or more of no contact, I could contact her somehow and let her know that I've realized I came across as needy and that's what ultimately ended the relationship. I've learned so much about myself and others simply by this breakup and I would really love to share that with her one more time. You guys have helped so much and I've realized you can't make one person your main source of happiness and that you have to love yourself and have your own life before you can love someone else and become part of their life in a healthy way. I want more than anything to be able to tell her these kinds of things at the end of 60 days whether I still have feelings for her or not, but it seems like everyone on here advises against recount acting your ex after starting the NC . Day 11 has been tough for me

I've thought about doing the same thing too, just dropping her a letter explaining everything, but what you must realise is that you're trying to appeal to a woman's emotions using logic and reason and they're completely different languages. She has to feel like she's missing you and wants to be with you and she won't get that feeling from words.

Worse still, if you contact her, trying to explain yourself and everything you have learned, it basically shows her that you still care too much and confirms your needy side. Let's face it, if you were as cool and carefree as she wants you to be, you'd be moving on.

But, I can say that I did meet with one of my exes 6 months after we broke up. We had a horrible and hurtful break up, I wrote her long multiple emails and showed her a shameful side of myself. Then one day, 6 months later, I realised I was over her and I held no hard feelings...and I was dating an underwear model. I decided to drop her a mail and just say hi. I never even mentioned the relationship or explained my behaviour - it was more of a catch up mail saying I hope she's doing well etc.

She responded really positively and apologised for her part in our arguments. We ended up meeting up with a group of mutual friends soon after and got on really well. She told my mate how much more laidback I seemed than last time she saw me and gradually she started texting me, emailing me and asking to meet up. Even now (5 years later) she suggests meeting up, but I'm not so into her any more.

I think you have to wait for emotions to settle before making contact again and it has to be very laidback and detached.

 

[Jariel]

Would you have any recommendations in this situation Jariel? If she still has strong feelings but a valid reason (distance)?

Unfortunately, you have to be willing and able to do something about the distance, otherwise you're going to be in the exact same position as where you left.

This is a mistake I made with my ex. We got back together even though nothing had changed and her circumstances were the same. We ended up having the same problems and it got worse. I wish now I'd never got back with her because we may have been able to work things out in future.

 

[soulforge]

It's interesting how many of us felt our relationship change and eventually fall apart when we started being too nice and supplicating.

When women get complacent in a relationship, they will often get fat or make less effort with their appearance, whereas many of us men stop being a challenge and let our game slip.

In those cases, no contact is vitally important. If she lost attraction or respect for you, then NC is a last ditch effort to show her you don't need her and you're not the needy guy she thought you were.

Of course, not all cases are like this and some girls may have valid rational reasons for breaking it off. My gf ended with me before because of pressures in her home and personal life, but she still had strong feelings for me.

I think it's safe to say being nice and accommodating is definitely a relationship killer.

The frustrating thing in all this is that I can see it all so clearly now and I've learned where I went wrong, and yet it's too late. You can't just contact your ex and say "Hey baby, you know how I used to be needy and you lost attraction for me? Well, I've figured it out now and I can be more of a challenge if you give me another chance". haha.

But the positive side of such a hard and painful lesson as this is that you're less likely to repeat it again.

i feel the same thing happened to me... when i first met my ex, i used to spend the weekend with her, maybe one day during the week & that is it...

i did my thing & she did hers

i didn't give her too much of myself, didn't even tell her i loved very often.. and guess what, we seemed to get on fine

she was hardly ever rude & disrespectful to me... but 6 months into the relationship she ended it with me & we didn't talk again for maybe about 6 months

the reason why she dumped me, was because i was not spending much time with her & was not showing her any genuine emotions etc

so when we got back together, i started spending much more time with her, spending less time with my friends and family etc

started telling her that loved her... it's only once she realized how much i loved her & we was together a lot more, that she became a complete b'tch

 

[soulforge]

my question is... if it's not a good idea to be too available to a woman or show her too much emotion

how can you live with that person, or marry that person?

 

[SamTheHobit]

After two months of no contact I saw her kissing another guy in a picture.

So I told her she was dead to me and that I fvcking hate her.

I think this is the best thing that could have happened to me.

After being on and off for 4 years I'm now truly done with her.

Lessons I've learned.

Women are dime a dozen.
You're idea of her and what she really is, is really deceptive.
A girl that used to be the sweetest can change into a devil.
I am better person than her.
She is lower than me.

A lesson on revenge.

Believe it or not the b1tch will gets what is coming to her.

No contact can be tough. And I truly think keeping all the sh1t you want to tell her in is bad news.
Let her fvckin have it. Yes no contact is important but if you truly need to get something off your chest do it.
Don't expect it to change anything.
Don't try to get her back.

If you think she's the only one. She's not.
Don't believe me??

How can we all think we had the "one" when there 3 billion more girls.

Life goes on. Don't dwell on it. It will get better.

Good luck.

 

[soulforge]

After two months of no contact I saw her kissing another guy in a picture.

So I told her she was dead to me and that I fvcking hate her.

I think this is the best thing that could have happened to me.

After being on and off for 4 years I'm now truly done with her.

Lessons I've learned.

Women are dime a dozen.
You're idea of her and what she really is, is really deceptive.
A girl that used to be the sweetest can change into a devil.
I am better person than her.
She is lower than me.

A lesson on revenge.

Believe it or not the b1tch will gets what is coming to her.

No contact can be tough. And I truly think keeping all the sh1t you want to tell her in is bad news.
Let her fvckin have it. Yes no contact is important but if you truly need to get something off your chest do it.
Don't expect it to change anything.
Don't try to get her back.

If you think she's the only one. She's not.
Don't believe me??

How can we all think we had the "one" when there 3 billion more girls.

Life goes on. Don't dwell on it. It will get better.

Good luck.

i know how you feel... i dumped my girlfriend just recently & i have been told she is seeing somebody, only one week after the break up!


****ing gutted... but the only thing that is keeping me going, is realizing this woman not really good to me, or good fore me in the first place

and the if had stayed with her, she more than likley would have screwed me over further down the line

 

[Renegade357]

After two months of no contact I saw her kissing another guy in a picture.

LOL, here's some great advice for you.

Gotta love southpark.

So I told her she was dead to me and that I fvcking hate her.

This is pretty immature of you. You really shouldn't talk to your ex like that even though she's a seccubus. I've had to watch an ex of mine of 5 years marry another dude 6 months after we broke up. ****'s gonna happen like that. Don't waste your time. Be the bigger man, go talk to other chicks. You'll feel better real soon.

 

[soulforge]

renegade i know she was talking to some dude she met in a restaurant, only 1 week after i ended it with her...

i don't know if they are together & actually seeing each other...

i don't think i even want to know.... i rather cut this toxic out of my life in every possible way, till i get over her


i never want to look at her facebook, or have any kind of contact

 

[SamTheHobit]

LOL, here's some great advice for you.

Gotta love southpark.






This is pretty immature of you. You really shouldn't talk to your ex like that even though she's a seccubus. I've had to watch an ex of mine of 5 years marry another dude 6 months after we broke up. ****'s gonna happen like that. Don't waste your time. Be the bigger man, go talk to other chicks. You'll feel better real soon.

That's rough. Sorry bro.

As about the immature part it really doesn't matter at this point.

 

[Renegade357]

As about the immature part it really doesn't matter at this point.

True, it's as dead as dead can be. I'm just saying that In my experience the way I handle a breakup directly correlates into my recovery time and my success with the next set of women. Maybe it's a karma thing I don't know. Anyway there is always someone better out there.

 

[Jariel]

I have to admit, I'm so scared of seeing her out with another guy and how that's going to knock me right back into my slump. I really want to get back on the dating site where we met, get myself back out there, but the thought of seeing her profile again kills me.

As much as we pine for our exes, the right move for us all I believe is to move on. Not only will it help us leave behind (or lessen) all those painful emotions, but it will also help us even the score in our own minds. Let's face it, you're going to care a lot less about her dating another guy if you're fvcking someone else. You may still care, but it won't feel so one sided. I've already got a couple of fvck buddies lines up. They'll never replace my ex and I never see myself having a meaningful relationship with them, but it sure does take my mind off what my ex is doing or who she's with.

Plus, I truly believe, if you ever get your ex back in your life, you will stand more chance of making it work if you've let go and can start again. If we're actually honest with ourselves, we are even more desperate and needy now than we were before we broke up. We are all so eager for her to make contact and I think that desperation would show if she asked to meet up.

Like others here have said, this is like a come down from a drug. We have to ride it out, endure the pain and we will gradually start regaining control of our senses again.

 

[Jariel]

Day 8:

Just a quick update. Yesterday was one of the hardest days and I desperately craved her back, couldn't stop thinking about her good qualities and what we had. I had a few breakdowns too and admit I cried.

But today has been much better. I've focused more on moving on today, started weighing up my options and started picturing myself with other women with less issues and baggage, and about the excitement of the first date, first kiss, sex and getting to experience the whole honemoon period again.

When I look at my ex relationship, it was amazing in the first 10 months. This is the part I miss and I want back, but that's not the relationship I left behind. Even if we hadn't broken up, we were losing sight of that initial excitement and settling into more of a routine. That's something I don't miss and the thought of that continuing for the long term doesn't appeal too much.

So basically, I've just been bringing up different mental images and scenarios - offsetting my dull routine relationship I left behind against a fresh, exciting and passionate new relationship with another girl. I've even been writing it down and I highly recommend this exercise to everyone.