The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
60 days today, I did it! not many options and dates in the meantime so it was a little bit hard but I did it anyway, I focussed deeply and ruthlessly on myself. I went through a deep anger phase and when she emailed me asking for support on some stuff it was very very challenging to ignore her. But I knew that she would drop me like a rock once she got what she needed. By the way, I realised that our brain tends to remind just the happy and good moments while the bad ones, the ones in which she behaved poorly and rudely, are easily forgotten. Then my suggestion is to take a note and read it anytime you are tempted to contact her, it worked for me.
Day 4 of N/CBig Keep said:Hello Everyone,
Simon's here,
I registered here for one reason.. So I can write in here my 0-60 days of N/C instead of texting my ex.. For those who will follow me during that time, I appreciate your help in advance !
Let me sum up where I am right now,
I've been with my ex for 7 years (16-23) and her (15-22),
We split up a year and a half before, I've been single since then.. And I won't lie, I can get almost any girls I want.. I've slept with over 40 girls this year but still can't get over her..
During that time, she had a boyfriend and we are seeing each other for a good 4 months now, after she broke up with him.. Now, she had some change in her life.. (Back to her parent's house, new job etc...) She's being more and more distant toward me and we see each other less often, which I become less insecure and on and on and on.. The relation is becoming one sided and she's always planning her week 5 days before and I'm rarely included in her plans..
Anyway, I'm feeling really stupid to have opened my heart to her once again and when she feels that I want a real relation.. She just back off.. She's telling me that she doesn't want to be in a relation since she never really been single all her life and she just doesn't want any pressure from anybody.. But a month ago, she were telling me that we would live together and have kids etc.. I know she's probably playing with me just to have the control of our relation but oh well, I've been weak and gave her all the power but I want to take it back with N/C.. She usually text me each 2-3 days so I should get a ''good day'' sooner or later with a ''when do we see each other''.. God, I must be strong enough to delete that message..
Well, maybe I'm missing some information but we will have much time to talk ! And sorry If my English isn't perfect, I'm learning it right now
So day 1 of N/C
-Simon
As expected, I received a text from her yesterday asking me if I was going to the beach that day so we can met up there maybe.. (I didn't respond)
Then I got another one, 2-3 hours later, she asked me if I could join her at the restaurant for the surprise party to a friend of hers.. (Which I didn't respond too)
I could of see her yesterday but I know it would of hurt me more than do good.. And she needs to understand that we aren't on the same level right now as I want more from her .. But she just can't let me go.. Maybe that N/C will make her realize that she needs me more than she thinks..
Anyway I'm proud that I could delete those 2 invitations..
Have a nice day guys
henrea4 said:
Thanks man!! This forum has been a great help so far and somewhat an eye opener!! One week back into my jogging routine which I have abandoned after I got with her and now I'm recollecting the things I love doing before I met her!! My sister called tonight and asked how I was doing and I said, I'm tired of this despondency which seems like it's eternal and I want to be awesome again!! And she said 'then be awesome again bro'.
She said 'be yourself again and gain the love that you deserves because you're that awesome!!' I didn't need the ego boost but it was rather pleasant compliment!! I can believe my younger sister will get married before me :/
After feeling numb I went for a jog and decent meal and then wrote more stuff in my journal and also saying things to other people how you feel helps!! It removes tons of pent up stuff that you just cannot express in written. 'Why do we fall Bruce?'...'So we can learn to pick ourselves up'...
To conclude, still no NC and marching on!!!
Hi all,
I am starting this challenge today. She was the love of my life, but I took her for granted and also neglected myself (e.g. my own happiness and wellbeing) as I started a new business, and she ended up losing feelings for me. She broke up with me about a month ago. Instead of being cool about it, I was in shock for a good bit, then ended up begging her back for a week. Then, I told her that I understood, that we weren't compatible. One wrinkle - we were living together, and she hasn't found a permanent next spot yet - so she's still got a lot of stuff at my place. It's been tough to go full NC - I have been guilty of the occasional facebook stalk as well. But I am starting the challenge starting today - other than utterly necessary things, no more contact.
I find that when I get crazy about things, running or exercising for half an hour helps. It's hard to feel down when you've got all those endorphins!
Day 1, today.
I am starting this challenge today. She was the love of my life, but I took her for granted and also neglected myself (e.g. my own happiness and wellbeing) as I started a new business, and she ended up losing feelings for me. She broke up with me about a month ago. Instead of being cool about it, I was in shock for a good bit, then ended up begging her back for a week. Then, I told her that I understood, that we weren't compatible. One wrinkle - we were living together, and she hasn't found a permanent next spot yet - so she's still got a lot of stuff at my place. It's been tough to go full NC - I have been guilty of the occasional facebook stalk as well. But I am starting the challenge starting today - other than utterly necessary things, no more contact.
I find that when I get crazy about things, running or exercising for half an hour helps. It's hard to feel down when you've got all those endorphins!
Day 1, today.
SamTheHobit
Master Don Juan
Day 22. Third time she broke up with me
I hate myself for taking her back time and time again but other women just seem to pale in comparison.
I hate myself for taking her back time and time again but other women just seem to pale in comparison.
Thatfeel21
Senior Don Juan
Day 1. The ex and I have been broken up for a little over a week at this point but have been in constant contact. Obviously a mistake cuz I think she's using me to help herself get over me.
She lives about 2 hrs away so I went to get my stuff last night and slept over. Woke up and told her that since we've been broken up for a few weeks now, we should start acting like it. Told her that this is it, no more texts/calls or me coming over. Few minutes after I left she sends me some long text saying she regrets letting me stay over and blah blah. Ignored and deleted it. Not too broken up about it as our relationship had been really rocky the past 2 months; I "checked-out" of it weeks ago tbh.
She lives about 2 hrs away so I went to get my stuff last night and slept over. Woke up and told her that since we've been broken up for a few weeks now, we should start acting like it. Told her that this is it, no more texts/calls or me coming over. Few minutes after I left she sends me some long text saying she regrets letting me stay over and blah blah. Ignored and deleted it. Not too broken up about it as our relationship had been really rocky the past 2 months; I "checked-out" of it weeks ago tbh.
Faldero456
Don Juan
Big,Big Keep said:
DON'T! DON'T! DON'T!
DO NOT look at her Facebook, twitter, Tumbler or anything like that. You will only hurt yourself and prolong the pain.
I did that more than once. Took a peak at what she was up to, how she looked. I only felt like **** after the peak What she wrote? Was she happy? Sad? Was she refering to me when she mentioned a "guy"? How the hell could she talk about another guy when we just broke up after telling me she needed solace and to be alone?!?!?!?
Save yourself the hurt
Faldero456
Faldero456
Don Juan
mnl24 said:
mnl24,
I am a long way from really being better. But i can say it does get better day by day. I just finished 17 days. I am stronger then I was before i started NC.
You can do it. It takes some balls and you are going to hurt.
Remember this is for you. Try no to do this for or about her.
Faldero456
Big Keep said:
Don't do this, delete her off Facebook and if you truly are having a great time you don't need her validation, you have friends and family who cares about you, the will do that
trust me the people around you will genuinely try to help you if you are being honest to yourself and trying your hardest to heal and learn from the experience...don't ever ever stick your head out, lay low and take it easy day by day! Be kind to yourself man, if you need to spend a day moping over her then do that and don't be embarrassed, because you know the relationship you had with her mean something if it does hurt!! Write notes, it helps me and I talked to other female friends and it helps to understand their perspective, don't sleep around with another women (rebound should be the last thing to do) you can date though, stay strong write yourself guidelines everyday and follow them...if you have urges to make contact just write it here instead!!
After a date
Just had a date with a friend of a friend. On paper she should be perfect for me - career oriented, similar background, definitely smart, definitely loyal. But all I could think about was the ex. The ex was an amazingly good communicator - she is just an awesome conversationalist and so caring. This girl spent a lot more time just talking about herself, and didn't even have questions to ask. Had huge impulse to check the exe's FB... But I know that will be just more hurt. Ain't gonna be easy, huh.
Just had a date with a friend of a friend. On paper she should be perfect for me - career oriented, similar background, definitely smart, definitely loyal. But all I could think about was the ex. The ex was an amazingly good communicator - she is just an awesome conversationalist and so caring. This girl spent a lot more time just talking about herself, and didn't even have questions to ask. Had huge impulse to check the exe's FB... But I know that will be just more hurt. Ain't gonna be easy, huh.
Day 2 today ..... Not gonna lie I miss her and wish things were different . I'm a man and I can admit that I made mistakes , she knows I love her , I just always had to question why she loved me .... She's the one , I know it , I just mess everything up always and push ppl away .....
Some people might say that dating other girl may help you but for some (I am one of them), dating other girls make you compare them to your ex and you end up thinking even more about them.. I found out that you have to find something to do ''alone'' that doesn't make you think about her, e.g. A video game, going to the gym, spending some time with a particular close friend etc..Affi11 said:
I've slept with many many girls since my Ex girlfriend and I'm still focusing on her no matter what.. Sex is just sex and when you really feel something for someone, you think that it's impossible to feel the same for someone else.. But the fact is that it won't transfer from a girl to another.. It has to disappear by itself then you're ready for the next one..
Dating other girl is more like a reason to show yourself that you can get other girl easily.. Right now, you should not date just to get over her, it should be to meet new people and to open up your social circle..
When you go out, just have fun and don't think about the ex because no matter how hard you think about her, it won't change anything right now.. Something I found useful in those moments is that you have to tell yourself that she's going to come back to you.. You just know it. Just make it like she's away for a while and she will come back in a month.. Then you guys gonna talk and she will be all over you..
May sound stupid like that, but that thinking has helped me a lot.
Don't give up
