Faldero456
Don Juan
True dathenrea4 said:I wish my heart would just shut up and listen.
True dathenrea4 said:I wish my heart would just shut up and listen.
UnCreative,UnCreativeUsername said:I want her in my life.
Great question Faldero.Faldero456 said:UnCreative,
One question for you.
Do you want her in your life because she make YOU a better person?
Faldero456
Day 16 is fantastic mate.henrea4 said:Mornings are the worst. Seems like it would be at night, but it's not. Anyway, day 16 here...I'm just over a quarter of the way done. I have no doubt that I can keep this up for the 60 days, but I doubt I'll be "over her" in that time frame. I still don't see a point in reaching out if she hasn't tried to contact me, though. I'll most likely be ignored or told not to contact her anymore because she's with someone. Yeah....it's time to just come to the realization that I will probably never see or speak to her ever again....
..God, what a depressing f***ing thought!
I'll have to check that book out. I need all the help I can get. And thank you for the encouraging words.Mauser96 said:Not really
I was in your shoes 7 years ago. Today? I thank my lucky stars it turned out the way it did. At the time, I thought my world was ending. Today, I see it was a new beginning, and I have freedom and opportunities I could have never DREAMED of having had I stayed married to her.
But for you? It is time you accepted that you are moving on, she is not coming back, and that in a few years, you too may realize it was a GOOD thing.
Get a copy of "Rebuilding when your relationship ends" . The sooner you accept this has happened, the sooner you can heal.
Realize a few things here:
1. You have VALUE
2. She is NOT perfect
3. There are others out there who will appreciate and love you - but you have to re-learn how to love yourself, and forgive yourself first.
4. Life goes on.
This is NOT the end of "your book" . One chapter has ended, and now a new one begins.
Nah...I'm way better than I was when we first split up 4 months ago. It's not even a contest. But yes...I'm still having a hard time accepting that it's really over. I do count the days and hope that today will be the day she "changes her mind". And yeah, I know what I did wrong: I refused to compromise, I was selfish, inconsiderate and I took her for granted. Yeah, I would say "thank you" when she cooked me breakfast and I always kissed her when I came home from work, but I hardly ever spent time with her unless we were watching a movie or I wanted sex. I know exactly what I did wrong and what I'd like to improve if given the chance. I guess I'm just going to have to let someone else benefit from this knowledge I have....I've been trying for 4 months to get her to "see the light", but in the process I've just been digging my hole deeper. I also did some creepy/borderline illegal things, such as checking her e-mail and harassing her with walls of text messages, some of which were very insulting to her. Maybe if I had just told her in the beginning that I am not cool with this, then backed off I might have had a slim chance.UnCreativeUsername said:Henrea, you need to stick at this right now. You are still emotionally raw, a lot more than I was on Day 16. Im worried that what you are doing is counting down the days, but not thinking about what went wrong in the relationship and why it went wrong? What to do differently if you got back together and what you need to do as a person to better your life?
UnCreativeUnCreativeUsername said:Great question Faldero.
She is a person who made me realise what is important in a relationship, in the sense that its more about how you feel rather than how you are.
Speaking to her today made me realise that my love for her isnt going to switch on and off depending on whether she is seeing someone or not.
I know we both still love each other, but I honestly think so much went wrong the first time (on my part, I have some issues that I am getting therapy about and she unfortunately suffers from depression) that it was always going to be difficult to maintain....I jut cracked before she did.
I dont think we will speak for a while now. I have to respect that at this moment she is seeing someone else and any trash talk about him will make me look pathetic.
So, for now, it was just nice to talk to her, she said the same, said she missed me and had been thinking about me and I ended the convo.
I am happy taking small steps here.
Hows things with you Faldero? How are you honestly feeling about it all?
She got a "serious" boyfriend and continued seeing you? What makes you think she won't do something similar to you again if you do manage to steal her away from this new guy? To me it really doesn't seem worth the risk, but then again what do I know? My track record with women is pathetic.foolyoufool said:Hey guys, I just made a thread about me thinking about breaking no contact. Please post in it and let me know your thoughts.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2057160#post2057160
Henrea,henrea4 said:I'll have to check that book out. I need all the help I can get. And thank you for the encouraging words.
Nah...I'm way better than I was when we first split up 4 months ago. It's not even a contest. But yes...I'm still having a hard time accepting that it's really over. I do count the days and hope that today will be the day she "changes her mind". And yeah, I know what I did wrong: I refused to compromise, I was selfish, inconsiderate and I took her for granted. Yeah, I would say "thank you" when she cooked me breakfast and I always kissed her when I came home from work, but I hardly ever spent time with her unless we were watching a movie or I wanted sex. I know exactly what I did wrong and what I'd like to improve if given the chance. I guess I'm just going to have to let someone else benefit from this knowledge I have....I've been trying for 4 months to get her to "see the light", but in the process I've just been digging my hole deeper. I also did some creepy/borderline illegal things, such as checking her e-mail and harassing her with walls of text messages, some of which were very insulting to her. Maybe if I had just told her in the beginning that I am not cool with this, then backed off I might have had a slim chance.
Enough about that, though. For making my life better, I'm trying to do things I normally wouldn't be comfortable with. For instance, I've been going to the gym every day this week. I would have always been embarrassed to work out in public, but it's actually much better than doing it at home because it's almost like a competitive environment. You don't want to look like a p**** in front of all those jacked-up meatheads. Also, I never really have been very good with the ladies. I've pretty much always been afraid to approach them. My therapist suggested that I force myself to talk to at least 5 women a week. Not like getting their numbers or anything, but just striking up a convo. I slacked off a little this week, but I'm trying to do it....build up my confidence. I think I'm also going to start going to church. I need more positivity in my life.
Faldero,Faldero456 said:UnCreative
Today marks the end of day 15of NC for me. There is no getting back together. She has moved on. I haven't. What do I mean by that? I know in my head there is no chance. My heart hasn't caught up yet. At times I know it's done. I feel better for letting go. Then a few hours later I am a hurting again.
Bit by bit I am over her. I have gone on a couple of dates. All that happened was me thinking of how this date isn't with her.
This made me realize that I am not they type to just start dating and forget the past. I over analyze everything. I've got to be alone to love myself, before I jump back in the game.
Today was hard. My son was with his mother. So I had all day by myself. I went out to do things. Being out and not at home alone. I spent most of the day think of her.
I now can spend hours not thinking of her. But she comes back and hits me hard.
I am genuinely happy that you found your inner peace with her.
I do wish you the best UnCreative..
Me? I know I have to finish the 60 days to get to where you are. It's like having a surgery. You know it is going to hurt like a mother. But you have to go through the pain to get better.
Yes I know there is no reconciliation. Will I miss what we had? Yes. Knowing I, I know that I will have to go months alone and feeling regret, pain, sorrow.
Most pointers here have helped. But I know going out and fuc King anything that moves won't help me.
I have to be happy with ME before I can get together with someone else.
Even though I am still a mess, I am much better than I was 15 days ago.
Faldero456
Hey there buddy,Tissot said:Hello everyone I'm newly dumped member. Well how to begin, my ex and I broke up just over 3 weeks ago and we're in NC. We've dated over 4.5 years and lived together in most of the years together. We had strong bonds and it was healthy up until I brought up the idea getting engaged early this year. She finally admitted 2 months ago that she got scared about the idea and started evaluating our relationship. She wrote them down for me and it was a painful read but then from what she wrote I realised that throughout the relationship I haven't been very good to her. Let's just say I haven't been the same person she met the first time and I have been neglecting on my own happiness and future aspirations e.g my dream job, starting a family etc. I got scared after the letter she wrote and confined myself on the shoulder of friends one of them is female and she really is just a friend; nothing more. I invited my female friend to my house and met my family and we just hung out and talked. I told my gf at the time and she said why are you doing this? you can't be close to another female if you have a girlfriend, I apologised and said ok I will stop hanging out with the female friend. And then we are doing ok for another 3 weeks...she had to leave the city because of her new job so I organised a night together before she left but the last intimate night didn't end up well between us; I was being selfish sexually and putting my needs against hers (nothing illegal), she got upset and cried, and said she's not sure she can trust me again after of what happened, I said I'm so sorry and I promise it won't happen again ever and she said she know but she said she can't do it anymore but we didn't break up after. I took her to the airport the next day and we said our goodbyes and she left. Few days after she had gone I message her once a day asking her about her new job and it was ok until one night I said something rather negative to her about our past and then she said, sorry, she can't do it anymore...I was shocked (realised now that I was being a jerk) and I said can't we work things out and it's a bit unfair that we broke up over a phone call...she insisted that we should then I said ok, I love you and I'll miss you (while tearing up) and then hung up. It's been over 3 weeks now and I've done some reading of getting your ex back, NC, TGIGS, moving on steps and so on and also have done some journal writing and evaluate myself and what went wrong; I've realised now what went wrong and I've been improving myself. I'm missing her and I love her still, she's far from me and glad that she is otherwise it'll be harder on the moving on process. In addition the night she she broke up with me I asked, do you still love me? She said I don't know I just can't trust you after what happened...tonight one of our close friend told me my ex called her and they chatted and our friend (this friend of ours is a good friend and she has been a great help for me) told her that I'm doing ok and my ex glad to hear that...I'm still in the healing process and doing ok, my only question, when is the right time to contact her again and what do I say? I am assuming nothing of the past and positive text/call, I've been reading a lot about this and I am positively think that I can win her back but how/when do I start? Or should I wait until she contact me first and continue the NC? our friend asked her if I contacted my ex it would be ok eventually but not quite just yet...I have been doing ok although tonight I've never cried so hard and did it for like an hour; she is a very good girl just so everyone knows before you judge...any advices/comments would be greatly appreciated
Lol Dude, if I was in your position, I would be banging every female I could get my hands on....you're in college! Who wants a serious gf?!!! Hahaha.foolyoufool said:Hey guys, I just made a thread about me thinking about breaking no contact. Please post in it and let me know your thoughts.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2057160#post2057160
UnCreativeUsername said:Hey there buddy,
First thing I have to say......PLEASE PUT SPACES AND PARAGRAPHS INTO YOUR WRITING WHEN YOU ARE WRITING SO MUCH! HAHAHA THANKS MATE :crackup
Ok, so you and her had arguments, but overall you wanna try and fix things and possibly get back with her?
In that case, I 100% believe you need to do the 60days NC.
To be honest, you sounded like a jackass in the relationship. She needs some time away from you and you need some time away from her.
It sounds like you have begun to work out why the relationship went wrong and it sounds like it was mainly to do with you. Question is, do you honestly feel you deserve another chance with her? Are you even any better a person yet?
This is why the 60 days are important.
Hand on my heart, if my ex said "shall we get back together?" my reply would be "Not until I have worked on my issues and can be a better bf than I was before". I honestly feel right now that if the guy she is with is making her happy, then she is best to stay with him. I love her enough for her to be happy with someone else and not risk coming back to me until I am a better bf.
Carry on up until the 60 days my friend. And then message her along the lines of wanting to be friends rather than anything else. Although she dumped you, like me, you deserved to be dumped.
Most guys on this forum didn't deserve it from the sounds of it.
But you and I did. It wont be easy, but its going to have to be baby steps for you mate.
Keep your head up.
Tissot said:First of all thank you for the advice, and apologies for not putting spaces and paragraphing my post. Your evaluations are correct, I am not perfect and I don't deserve her, I already admit that in my journal and already begin my quest to kill my own demon 3 weeks ago. I've realised what I've done and what I've lost. Although she is a nice girl but she was also far from perfect but then no one is, but yes my mistakes were beyond repair and the break up was inevitable.
I thought that I should continue the 60 days of NC that way I can really focus on the healing and to better myself when we do deserve each other again...I kept asking myself the question "would you want you back?" the answer is NO! I need to realise and change my ways so I can be a better person and love myself before attaining the love of my ex/someone else...
I don't regret the past since it was beautiful for the most part and gain a wonderful experience with my ex, we even lived in Japan for 2 years together!! I'm at the point now that life is testing me again and I really need to come out of this better than before, I really have been a terrible person but for the most part I was also loving and caring guy (to compare myself against her ex who dated her for two years and never took her out anywhere!!)
Anyway, drifting off there. Since the break up I've been doing a lot of self staring and self asking "why do you think she should take you back?" I don't have the answer yet and it's ok...as long as I work hard to improve I will see a positive outcome in the end. If hypothetically she has found another person then I have nothing but best wishes to them and she deserves her happiness with or without me...it will be painful if this happens but I would rather she sees me as better person rather than coming back with me with constant doubts whether I have truly changed or not...I want to show myself I can do it and maybe one day she'll see it too and perhaps change her mind...if not then I'm doing it for myself.
It's been a tough battle so far and I have a long way to go yet; I am trying to forgive myself at the moment for all the pain I've caused to myself taking more notes and reading it everyday to remind myself what needs to be done!
Thanks for the advice and keep them coming please
You have to be good with yourself before you’ll be able to be good for anyone else. Keep working on that. Remember that you have to accept 100% of 50% of the break up. It takes two to tango. Yes, you did things to mess up what you had. She did too. Work that into your journal. I did and it helps to work out on paper what she did wrong. It’s not all your fault.I need to realize and change my ways so I can be a better person and love myself before attaining the love of my ex/someone else...
Never do. With the three, including the one that just ended, very important relationships I have had in my life I always look at them with a positive out look. There is a reason everything happens.I don't regret the past since it was beautiful....
Faldero456 said:Tissot,
You have the right frame of mind.
You have to be good with yourself before you’ll be able to be good for anyone else. Keep working on that. Remember that you have to accept 100% of 50% of the break up. It takes two to tango. Yes, you did things to mess up what you had. She did too. Work that into your journal. I did and it helps to work out on paper what she did wrong. It’s not all your fault.
Never do. With the three, including the one that just ended, very important relationships I have had in my life I always look at them with a positive out look. There is a reason everything happens.
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end ... Sometimes they die. Sometimes they go away. Sometimes they misbehave or act out and force you to take a position. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a REASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. It can teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It's real! But only for a time.
Lifelong relationships teach you lifetime lessons, those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person / people (anyway), and put into practice what they have taught you, to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Keep up the 60 days. Not for anyone else but you.
Faldero456