The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[mike465]

To bad everone on SS cant throw down some money and we all rent out a resort or something and rage out one weekend so we could all get up haha.

haha one day

 

[mike465]

Hey guys, I'm going on holiday cruising round the med with family for the next 2 and a half weeks. Can't wait! Stay strong guys and keep it up!

 

[KingM]

I agree with Mauser. Maybe it's hard too delete her from Facebook. But your healing can only start when there is really no contact! She can still mess with your head.

I didn't delete my ex on fb until I saw she dating her new pvssy bf. And when I deleted here I felt a huge relief! First I would just stalk on fb. And now I feel freedom!

So guys, delete that ex of yours. For your own sake!

 

[Faldero456]

Day three over and only 57 days to go.

Getting better bit by bit.

Thanks to all past and present who have posted here.

I thought I had special situation. After reading all the post I see the forest through the trees now. We all thought she was special. She was just a girl. A “hechicera” who had us. Yes we tried to make it work, but it didn’t. Time to move on. The pointers here are on the money.

Two small changes that I am making to the NC rules are theses;

1/ I’m terrible with numbers. If I deleted her name and number from my phones, I would end up answering or texting as I wouldn’t have a clue that it was her. The idea is zero communication. Saying “Uh, Hello? Who is this?” would break the rule for me.

2/ I disagree with deleting, getting ride of all your pictures. My 1st and 2nd wives (I know what you’re thinking, lets save it for another thread) got everything and I mean everything. I have very few pictures of my life from my early Twenties till my early Forties. If my son every wonders what I looked like or what girls I dated. I have nothing to show him. Memories are important. The few picture I do have, I can look at now fondly with the remembrance of a good time. Years, time and space make it easy.

I do agree not to look at the fresh exes pictures. That is contact, since the emotions are so raw right now. It is the same a stalking her FB.

Any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated.

P.S. Since I haven’t got my game back yet and I am not banging anything that has ***** every other night. Does looking at those “SPECIAL” pictures and videos ( ) you have of her break the no contact rule?

Faldero456

 

[henrea4]

They say just fantasizing about your ex while...uhh.."relating" to yourself slows down your healing. I would imagine having visual aides wouldn't be any better. Or were you just joking?

Day 4 for me. :cheer:

 

[Faldero456]

They say just fantasizing about your ex while...uhh.."relating" to yourself slows down your healing. I would imagine having visual aides wouldn't be any better. Or were you just joking?

Day 4 for me. :cheer:

henrea4

I guess I was sort of serious. I just need to speak with some guys. Since I have been with this woman for over 7 years, I have lost my group of male friends.

It is good to speak with guys about this break up. I see when are at the same day of NC. If you need help, I got your back.


Faldero456

 

[henrea4]

It's worse for me...I don't have anything to compare my sexual experiences with my ex to. She is the only woman I've ever been with. And she did anything that I ever fantasized about in the bedroom (except for reverse cowgirl and anal....we tried rc but she said my legs were too big and it was really uncomfortable for her...the other thing...well, she said it hurt too much. lol) Plus she took birth control shots so we never had to use condoms. God, I miss her!

Day 5

 

[pinkfl]

Day three over and only 57 days to go.

Getting better bit by bit.

Thanks to all past and present who have posted here.

I thought I had special situation. After reading all the post I see the forest through the trees now. We all thought she was special. She was just a girl. A “hechicera” who had us. Yes we tried to make it work, but it didn’t. Time to move on. The pointers here are on the money.

Two small changes that I am making to the NC rules are theses;

1/ I’m terrible with numbers. If I deleted her name and number from my phones, I would end up answering or texting as I wouldn’t have a clue that it was her. The idea is zero communication. Saying “Uh, Hello? Who is this?” would break the rule for me.

2/ I disagree with deleting, getting ride of all your pictures. My 1st and 2nd wives (I know what you’re thinking, lets save it for another thread) got everything and I mean everything. I have very few pictures of my life from my early Twenties till my early Forties. If my son every wonders what I looked like or what girls I dated. I have nothing to show him. Memories are important. The few picture I do have, I can look at now fondly with the remembrance of a good time. Years, time and space make it easy.

I do agree not to look at the fresh exes pictures. That is contact, since the emotions are so raw right now. It is the same a stalking her FB.

Any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated.

P.S. Since I haven’t got my game back yet and I am not banging anything that has ***** every other night. Does looking at those “SPECIAL” pictures and videos ( ) you have of her break the no contact rule?

Faldero456

What I did with pictures of my ex is I stuck them in a hidden folder on an external hard drive, and made it difficult to get to. I know where you're coming from, sometimes just having those pictures available is appropriate. I mean, I'm not going to get rid of my prom picture because my daughter is going to want to see my dress. I say, get rid of the mushy/sappy/sexy photos and keep the more general, platonic ones.

I wouldn't advise looking at them unless you are showing them to someone else. It's clinging to the past far too much for your own good.

As far as the phone is concerned, I have his number memorized, so if it pops up on my phone, I know not to answer. If its a difficult number to memorize, just change the name on your phone to "do not answer". That's good enough.


Also, just wanted to mention: A friend told me that when my ex found out I was with someone new, and that I was really happy with him, it ruined his entire day. It's like I didn't have to do anything get revenge...all I had to do was be happy. The best revenge is a life well lived, and silence can be the loudest scream.

 

[KingM]

Hi guys!

Have been 3 evenings on my own in my bungalow at work. No people too talk too or chill with. So I miss her a lot more then I did last weeks. Just because she would wanna talk for the whole evening and now I have nothing. Just some conversations with random people on WhatsApp.

Hard days, thinking a lot about her. And about the time with her. Even found a picture on my laptop which I had forgotten too delete. Kinda sucks too see.

But hey! I really don't feel any urge to contact her. Just because it would give her the satisfaction of thinking that I'm still not over her. And it would trow myself back to step 1.

I am thinking about sending her a bday text when her bday is. That is in a few weeks. Not to get her back, not too ingage a conversation. But just too let show that I am not the bad person. That I can act like a grown up. And not like a crazy person like she!

 

[pinkfl]

Hi guys!

Have been 3 evenings on my own in my bungalow at work. No people too talk too or chill with. So I miss her a lot more then I did last weeks. Just because she would wanna talk for the whole evening and now I have nothing. Just some conversations with random people on WhatsApp.

Hard days, thinking a lot about her. And about the time with her. Even found a picture on my laptop which I had forgotten too delete. Kinda sucks too see.

But hey! I really don't feel any urge to contact her. Just because it would give her the satisfaction of thinking that I'm still not over her. And it would trow myself back to step 1.

I am thinking about sending her a bday text when her bday is. That is in a few weeks. Not to get her back, not too ingage a conversation. But just too let show that I am not the bad person. That I can act like a grown up. And not like a crazy person like she!

No, do not send a birthday text. Seriously. Just don't.
You can act like a grown up by just not talking about her, and if she comes up as a topic in a conversation, saying "sadly, things didn't work out, and I wish her all the best".

Sending her a birthday text says "Hi, I know you dumped me, but I wanted you to know that I'm still thinking about you, still hung up on you, and I'm not over you yet and I'm hoping you'll reconsider breaking up with me". It does not simply say "happy birthday" to an ex.

 

[RedScorpion]

I've been stuck arguing with myself whether to contact her or not the last couple days. I was doing okay until I had to see her on a grad day a couple weeks ago. She could have talked to me, and vice versa. Didn't interact with each other. Finished with walking out the door with her right beside it, myself not looking at her, straight faced, while her looking down, say softly 'hey' to my mom. I guess the only plus about it was I looked good at the event, conversing with everyone else well.

I guess it's just hitting me again that it's over. I know she'll never try to contact me. Either she's hiding from the seriousness of a relationship with what she knows (books/puzzles), or she's being practical and only has time for herself and ambitions. Maybe a mix. Regardless, I slammed that door tight when we broke up. I think that's why I want to contact her, to open it a crack. Feed that hope. But I know that's the wrong move... mostly. It feels lame that the only option is 'Move on' and forget about her. I guess I already know the answer haha. Acceptance, still a few steps away.

 

[Faldero456]

Day four over and only 56 days to go.

Getting better bit by bit.

Today was a little rough. I still got teary eyed and melancholy. Not at getting back and being with her. I was sad for what was and what could have been. When we were "clicking" things were amazing. We complimented each other very well. She helped me and I helped her with our relationships with our kids. We were oposites in may was, so our different perspectives helped. I am not looking back with rose coloured glasses. Yes there were/are things that she did that pissed me off. Remeber what makes this break up better than staying together. I can think of the happy times when she can no loger hurt me.

Do I miss her? Yes I loved her and I still lover her. I miss her because she was my best friend, confidante, lover, partner…everything. Something my past wives weren't

But it has ended. There are may reason why it has ended.

I do strongly belive in something I have read and saved . it says

"When someone is in your life, it is for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end ... Sometimes they die. Sometimes they leave. Sometimes they misbehave or out and force you to take a position. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on .

When people come into your life it is for a REASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. It can teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy."

So sue me if I am a helpless romantic. An ending doesn't have to be filled with hate. Accept it for what it is. An ending. A beggining to a new chapter in your life. Hate is like drinking poison and hoping that it kills the other person.

I don't want to hate. It only hurts ones self.

NC is working for me (bit by bit) so I can focus on me and leave her behind.

Faldero456

 

[Faldero456]

What I did with pictures of my ex is I stuck them in a hidden folder on an external hard drive, and made it difficult to get to. I know where you're coming from, sometimes just having those pictures available is appropriate. I mean, I'm not going to get rid of my prom picture because my daughter is going to want to see my dress. I say, get rid of the mushy/sappy/sexy photos and keep the more general, platonic ones.

I wouldn't advise looking at them unless you are showing them to someone else. It's clinging to the past far too much for your own good.

As far as the phone is concerned, I have his number memorized, so if it pops up on my phone, I know not to answer. If its a difficult number to memorize, just change the name on your phone to "do not answer". That's good enough.


Also, just wanted to mention: A friend told me that when my ex found out I was with someone new, and that I was really happy with him, it ruined his entire day. It's like I didn't have to do anything get revenge...all I had to do was be happy. The best revenge is a life well lived, and silence can be the loudest scream.

pinkfl

Great Ideas!

I have already changed her name on my phone to "do not answer". Tomorrow, I am going to go buy a flash drive to keep the pictures.

I am not sure about dating some else, yet. For me, not enough time has passed for me to mourn what just finished.

As a single Father it is hard to get back in the game. Scheduling who to watch my son, what times I may be available to go out, what do I tell my son why I stayed out last night and he had to stay with the sitter all night?

I assume you’re a single Mom since you mentioned showing your daughter your prom pics.

How did you handle that?

Faldero456

 

[UnCreativeUsername]

Hi Guys,

This is my first post on this site and felt I had to contribute to what has been a real tough time the last couple of months.

I will start off by briefly explaining my situation:

I met my ex on Holiday in September 2011, we got on like a house on fire, we would talk for 3-4 hours every night on the phone, we loved each other intensely and in general it was a very passionate relationship. I decided in April 2012, that she wasnt what I wanted and dumped her, but told her we could be friends, which basically turned her into a **** buddy. Roll forward to July and she discovers that I have been texting other girls, goes crazy and ****s TWO GUYS WITHIN THE SPACE OF A WEEK as revenge. A month later, we agree to give it another go and get back together in August 2012. Things go well again, but due to insecurities on both parts, the relationship becomes stale, I stop putting in effort, so does she and eventually I end it again in March 2013.
We then once again carry on seeing each other, until one day in May she loses it with me, says im using her and cuts of all contact with me. My suspicions are she met someone and wanted me out of her life, fair enough. I then thought she was over reacting and gave her a week to calm down. I attempted to contact her....the response was basically "****k off and leave me alone" coupled with "if you really loved me, you would respect my decision and leave me alone". So what did I do? I bugged the **** out of her; every amateur rookie, wussy mistake, I made. I sent her multiple essays by text, begging her to take me back, telling her how wrong I was, how I shouldnt have let her go....she then decided to ignore those messages.....thats where it got bad. The depression kicked in, went on anti-depressants, didnt sleep for weeks, didnt go to work, I was a ****ing mess. And some of you may think "I deserved it" but I didnt do any of this to my ex on purpose. I started therapy and it turns out I got a lot of **** to deal with, which didnt make me miss my ex any less. I was still constantly stalking her on fb and twitter and even though she is with someone else now, I kept holding on to the idea she wanted me back.

The final straw came two weeks ago, when I was away with friends. I spent one night walking around the area, unable to sleep because I didnt know what to do. She hadnt given me answers as to how she could be so cold. My friends began to worry and decided to intervene, called her up and demanded she speak to me. She responded and we spoke for half an hour or so and she reminded me of the many times I had ****ed her over, how she still loves and cares for me, but is not in love with me any more. She also said "did you just expect me to wait around forever, hoping you would change your mind and get back with me?" which made me realise how much of a jackass I had actually been to her. She said she was happy with her new guy, but told me they werent bf and gf (prob just trying to save my feelings) and that she hadnt been happy with me.

That was the last time I spoke to her and that was 12 days ago. I havent contacted her at all, but because stupid Twitter is still open to anyone, I can check it and still am. I also noticed that although we arent friends on fb, her profile is now public....but hey, prob just an accident.

Whoa.....that felt good putting that down in writing!

Anyways, I just wanted to say that the no contact thing for me, is not about staying away so she misses you. I think its about working out deep down whether you actually want them back or not. Do they really tick all the boxes? Are they really the best you will ever get? At the same time, I dont believe for a second that an ex will believe you have changed if you pester her every day, begging for forgiveness. It looks pathetic and she was probably thinking "thank god I ditched his ass, what a loser." Not once have I been angry with my ex's new beau, because the funny thing is, although I broke it off with her a few times in the past, she is the first girl I know I have every truly loved....im 28 by the way lol.

After 12 days of no contact, barring checking Twitter, I am beginning to discover that I wanted her back more because she didnt want me. Typical human behaviour. However, I still miss her like crazy and I know that if she text me saying "lets get back together" I would be there like a shot lol. But, I honestly think if that happened, me and her would fall apart at the seams again. Reason? Because 12 days of no contact is no damn time to get your **** together and become a better person. Not just for your ex or other women, but for yourself. I wanted to share my story with you guys because this forum has been a Godsend. But, it took for my ex to go all taylor swift on me and say "we are never getting back together" to make me realise that I shouldnt be trying to get my ex back. I should be trying to work on my shortcomings and if at some point in the future, me and my ex maybe cross paths, then still seeing if I want someone like her or not.

Sorry I rambled a bit, I tend to use ten words where one would be just fine.

I hope I can be of help to you guys in the future and any pointers on my post would be greatly welcomed,

Cheers.

 

[pinkfl]

pinkfl

Great Ideas!

I have already changed her name on my phone to "do not answer". Tomorrow, I am going to go buy a flash drive to keep the pictures.

I am not sure about dating some else, yet. For me, not enough time has passed for me to mourn what just finished.

As a single Father it is hard to get back in the game. Scheduling who to watch my son, what times I may be available to go out, what do I tell my son why I stayed out last night and he had to stay with the sitter all night?

I assume you’re a single Mom since you mentioned showing your daughter your prom pics.

How did you handle that?

Faldero456

Oh heck no, I'm not a single mom, lol. I'm 25 w/no kids. I just was giving an example of the type of picture I would deem appropriate to keep were I in a similar situation.

I think you should tell your son that you're looking for someone at some point. If anything it can be a teaching tool. Your son can learn what is appropriate and what is not. I wouldn't know how to best approach the situation as my folks are still together, and the only single dad I know isn't dating anyone until he finishes school. Maybe there are some other forums you can look on like reddit to get advice on that topic.

 

[j0504s]

Hi Guys,

This is my first post on this site and felt I had to contribute to what has been a real tough time the last couple of months.

I will start off by briefly explaining my situation:

I met my ex on Holiday in September 2011, we got on like a house on fire, we would talk for 3-4 hours every night on the phone, we loved each other intensely and in general it was a very passionate relationship. I decided in April 2012, that she wasnt what I wanted and dumped her, but told her we could be friends, which basically turned her into a **** buddy. Roll forward to July and she discovers that I have been texting other girls, goes crazy and ****s TWO GUYS WITHIN THE SPACE OF A WEEK as revenge. A month later, we agree to give it another go and get back together in August 2012. Things go well again, but due to insecurities on both parts, the relationship becomes stale, I stop putting in effort, so does she and eventually I end it again in March 2013.
We then once again carry on seeing each other, until one day in May she loses it with me, says im using her and cuts of all contact with me. My suspicions are she met someone and wanted me out of her life, fair enough. I then thought she was over reacting and gave her a week to calm down. I attempted to contact her....the response was basically "****k off and leave me alone" coupled with "if you really loved me, you would respect my decision and leave me alone". So what did I do? I bugged the **** out of her; every amateur rookie, wussy mistake, I made. I sent her multiple essays by text, begging her to take me back, telling her how wrong I was, how I shouldnt have let her go....she then decided to ignore those messages.....thats where it got bad. The depression kicked in, went on anti-depressants, didnt sleep for weeks, didnt go to work, I was a ****ing mess. And some of you may think "I deserved it" but I didnt do any of this to my ex on purpose. I started therapy and it turns out I got a lot of **** to deal with, which didnt make me miss my ex any less. I was still constantly stalking her on fb and twitter and even though she is with someone else now, I kept holding on to the idea she wanted me back.

The final straw came two weeks ago, when I was away with friends. I spent one night walking around the area, unable to sleep because I didnt know what to do. She hadnt given me answers as to how she could be so cold. My friends began to worry and decided to intervene, called her up and demanded she speak to me. She responded and we spoke for half an hour or so and she reminded me of the many times I had ****ed her over, how she still loves and cares for me, but is not in love with me any more. She also said "did you just expect me to wait around forever, hoping you would change your mind and get back with me?" which made me realise how much of a jackass I had actually been to her. She said she was happy with her new guy, but told me they werent bf and gf (prob just trying to save my feelings) and that she hadnt been happy with me.

That was the last time I spoke to her and that was 12 days ago. I havent contacted her at all, but because stupid Twitter is still open to anyone, I can check it and still am. I also noticed that although we arent friends on fb, her profile is now public....but hey, prob just an accident.

Whoa.....that felt good putting that down in writing!

Anyways, I just wanted to say that the no contact thing for me, is not about staying away so she misses you. I think its about working out deep down whether you actually want them back or not. Do they really tick all the boxes? Are they really the best you will ever get? At the same time, I dont believe for a second that an ex will believe you have changed if you pester her every day, begging for forgiveness. It looks pathetic and she was probably thinking "thank god I ditched his ass, what a loser." Not once have I been angry with my ex's new beau, because the funny thing is, although I broke it off with her a few times in the past, she is the first girl I know I have every truly loved....im 28 by the way lol.

After 12 days of no contact, barring checking Twitter, I am beginning to discover that I wanted her back more because she didnt want me. Typical human behaviour. However, I still miss her like crazy and I know that if she text me saying "lets get back together" I would be there like a shot lol. But, I honestly think if that happened, me and her would fall apart at the seams again. Reason? Because 12 days of no contact is no damn time to get your **** together and become a better person. Not just for your ex or other women, but for yourself. I wanted to share my story with you guys because this forum has been a Godsend. But, it took for my ex to go all taylor swift on me and say "we are never getting back together" to make me realise that I shouldnt be trying to get my ex back. I should be trying to work on my shortcomings and if at some point in the future, me and my ex maybe cross paths, then still seeing if I want someone like her or not.

Sorry I rambled a bit, I tend to use ten words where one would be just fine.

I hope I can be of help to you guys in the future and any pointers on my post would be greatly welcomed,

Cheers.

keep strong buddy dont contact her ever ignore her calls if she does...its over dont look back...we got your back here!!! im ognna add some links for u to read....also pm ME IF U NEED TO ASK SPECIFIC QUESTIONS.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2031275#post2031275

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=203379

 

[UnCreativeUsername]

keep strong buddy dont contact her ever ignore her calls if she does...its over dont look back...we got your back here!!! im ognna add some links for u to read....also pm ME IF U NEED TO ASK SPECIFIC QUESTIONS.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2031275#post2031275

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=203379

Cheers pal,

The more and more I think about it, the more and more I realise I dont think I want her back....but I have to be 100% sure I am not just saying that to kid myself....I will keep on with the no contact and hope one day its all done!!

 

[Faldero456]

Oh heck no, I'm not a single mom, lol. I'm 25 w/no kids. I just was giving an example of the type of picture I would deem appropriate to keep were I in a similar situation.

I think you should tell your son that you're looking for someone at some point. If anything it can be a teaching tool. Your son can learn what is appropriate and what is not. I wouldn't know how to best approach the situation as my folks are still together, and the only single dad I know isn't dating anyone until he finishes school. Maybe there are some other forums you can look on like reddit to get advice on that topic.

 

[j0504s]

Roll forward to July and she discovers that I have been texting other girls, goes crazy and ****s TWO GUYS WITHIN THE SPACE OF A WEEK as revenge.

you cant be with this chick she is nutz buddy, normal ppl dont act like this....shes capable of destroying you, she minipulated you to get you back...toyed with your emotions she is bad new bro....keep no contact, I think its a no brainer but do some thinking if u have to!!!

 

[UnCreativeUsername]

you cant be with this chick she is nutz buddy, normal ppl dont act like this....shes capable of destroying you, she minipulated you to get you back...toyed with your emotions she is bad new bro....keep no contact, I think its a no brainer but do some thinking if u have to!!!

Bro,

You are saying what I need to hear, trust me!

She used to give me a hard time about trying to help her develop her career, accused me of looking down at her for the job she did. I was trying to help her because she complained how much she hated her job every day!

I think you are right about her being nuts. Her facebook profile is now public. I think she is doing it to wind me up. I moved away for a new job today (woohoo ) and I put up a status on fb about how much I would miss my friends....within an hour she is writing on facebook how she cant wait for loads of exciting things in her life. I wouldnt have paid much attention to this, but she has increased her fb updates recently and I almost feel she is trying to rub her happiness in my face a little bit....which is really ****ed up since I have decided to leave her alone for which is now 14 days!

I hate that I want her so much because I know it would ruin my life if I got back with her.....you barely know me mate and you are saying what EVERY single one of my close pals have said...us two being together is destructive....so why cant I stop checking up on her, hoping shes missing me! damn my brain!!