I have just spent two days reading the whole ”The *No Contact* Challenge!” post. Boy I am glad that I found this place. I feel like it is 4 years too late. Better late then never. I was just dumped after a 7+ year relationship. I need to get this off my chest so please forgive me if this is a little long winded. Here’s my story.
I was separated from my wife. That relationship was over and done with. There was no reconciliation possible.
I met this woman socially. She’s 18 years my junior. I thought no chance in hell is this; beautiful, attractive, young woman would be interested in the old divorced guy. After a few months of knowing her, I asked her out on a date. She accepted. We went on a few dates and I was smitten. I then perused her with a vengeance. I showered her with attention. I wouldn’t let up. In the end we became a couple. Things were great. I fell hard and I fell fast. Yes I was in love.
Two or three years later, one December, she just dropped off the map. We were having a rough time. No big fights or crap like that, just a rocky time together. One day she called and talked. No hint, no nothing, no big fight. Then whoosh. She was off the map. She had put me on NC. I went crazy. Couldn’t sleep, eat or concentrate at anything.
After reading ”The *No Contact* Challenge!”, I now know that I broke every rule there is. I bombarded her, her phone, her email and every possible means of contacting her. I tried every way I could to contact her. I wouldn’t let her go.
I knew her schedule. So after am month I went to see her. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I did it. We talked. I should say I begged, pleaded, groveled. I know, I know. “Grow a pair.” But do you know what. I got her back. We were dating again. We were a couple.
I am an expat living over seas. She met my family when they visited here. Everything was great. I am a single dad, with custody of my son. She likes him, he likes her. This is important as a single Dad that a woman I go with is cool with my son. She has 3 kids. I like them too. I like that type of **** loud, big crazy family.
Zoom forward to this year. It was February or March of this year. Things got ****ed up. I was too stressed with work. I couldn’t relax at all. Started taking out my frustration on her and everyone else. I was a ****. I was probably after those six weeks that things were done. But we hung it out. Stayed together. But everything was different. Something had changed with “US” It wasn’t the same.
Looking back, I now realize I wanted out, but I didn’t have the balls to break it off. I was being a *****. I forced her to break it off by my actions.
I thought she was different from other woman. She didn’t play “those” games. Boy was I wrong.
She started talking about taking a break as she was depressed. She didn’t want to be with me. She didn’t want to be with anyone. She said she wanted to be alone. No dating or significant other. But she still wanted me to be part of her life. I was her crutch. So I stuck around. I tried to get her back to “that” place with us. That was for three or four months. I tried what I could to work things out. It wasn’t going to happen. We kept together. Saw each other regularly. We had sex. Yes the sex was great. She was very open in bed.
I only recently found out, that the time she wanted to be alone, was spent grasping at the next branch. After she got hold, firmly, of the next branch did she tell me LJBF. I fell for it.
Once again I perused her with a vengeance. This time she wasn’t buying. Oh, yes she has kept me around. We still had sex. Kept our communications open. If she needed help, she’d call me. If she had some “emotional” problem. She’d call me. Yes I was her emotional tampon. I was there for her.
I knew things were funky. But I couldn’t figure it out. She kept sending me mixed signals. She wanted to be alone. She always called me for help about one thing or the other. Then she’d go cold. Then we’d have a night together, and then sex and I would think things are getting back to normal. Then it would start all over again.
Yes I was helping her out financially. I now see that the last 6 weeks was her interest in my wallet and not me. She feigned interest in me to keep the gravy trough flowing.
I have now woken up after reading all 112 pages of ”The *No Contact* Challenge!”.
As of 3:25pm Friday July 5 2013, I am on full NC. I did send one last text.
“I asked you to give me my space. Please respect my wishes. Do not contact me again.”
So it has been two days NC. I see that this the way I have to go. I tried the LJBF for 4 to 6 weeks. Every time I would see her I’d feel ****ty after. I did every thing wrong. I stalked her FB. I flooded her email, texts, voice mail with messages.
Time to grow a pair and stop being such a *****.
I am 48 years old and should be able to move on like an adult. But I really, really fell hard for this woman. I thought she was the “one”. Yes I was in love. I still am in love.
It is time to make this NC work. So, today is the start of day 3.
This really sucks. I am tired of crying. I am tired of rehashing what I did wrong. The what if’s. If my Aunt had balls she’d be my Uncle. I am still wishing that she’d send me 1 message so I could ignore it.
Any words of wisdom or sage advice would be greatly appreciated.
Faldero456.
