The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[mrbunnyman]

1st day of the 60 day no contact )

well i was with a girl for 1 year, not to long. She was my first serious girlfriend and we officially separated in December. We slept with each other a few times since the break up, the last being April. She went on a date a month after we slept together and told him on the date they can only be friends. Since then we have been meeting but it seems very negative and we just speak about the past the entire time, argue and don't enjoy each others company. On my birthday however in september i saw her on the dance floor dancing (not sexually) with a guy and i got jealous and told her she was a slut. She decided not to talk to me. We've been speaking since. She knows shes in full control and she says straight to me she doesn't love me anymore and we should move on. So ive decided for the NO CONTACT! she has even said to me if you stop calling me , maybe i will ,miss you but im annoying her. I think about her a lot and would consider being with her again but not at this moment in time. I feel i need to get my head in the right state of mind before i get into any relationship soon. However i met another chick at a club. Shes russian and shes here in England here for 4 months on holiday to learn english. My friends are unfortunately friends with my ex girlfriend and they are having a haloween party. I really want to go, and i don't want to miss it, just because my ex may be there, im not even 100%. It seems a bit stupid to stay indoors and not see my friends because i fear she may be there. Do you think its a good idea if i go to the party with the Russian chick i just met.

 

[Sparta112]

Aaaarrrararaaaghbjj frustrated !!!!

 

[Sparta112]

Just go with the Russian bro,...

 

[jammerchell]

First when I started my hobby of metal detecting, I do not know that there is a device called gold metal detector that can help me to have easier access to the gold metal and helps me sava time, then one of my friends told me about this device, I am so curious and want to find a good equippment to help me so I search the internet and find the one that I am satisfied with at detectorall.com and by now everything goes on well and I have find some gold coins by using such kind of gold metal detector.

 

[pinkfl]

I think I'm at 46 days now. I'm doing well.
Found out over the weekend he asked out a girl I've recently become friends with. Thing is, this girl could be my sister. She looks a lot like me, and we've actually become very fast friends because we have so many interests and such in common. It's like she's practically the same person as me, just with a different name. Very similar personality and mannerisms.

She turned him down...apparently he lied to her about dating me, and then put my profession down (said that eye doctors aren't real doctors).

Oh, and I know this might not be the best place for this, but I'm going to say it anyways: I just got my acceptance to optometry school. I'm really kind of torn because I'm happy about this/proud of myself, but at the same time kind of sad that I can't share the happy news with someone that once meant so much to me.

After finding out he put down my profession (when what does he do? Mooch off his mother and uncle, do his little "projects" that aren't enough to support anything and hardly ever come through, mooch off his friend's apartment because his credit is abysmal and can't get a lease because he doesn't have a real job...) I was like OK DONE. I'm officially moved on and I want nothing to do with him ever again.

 

[Shockwavedave]

Oddly felt somewhat guilty by basically ignoring an old oneitis recently. We'd had about 6 months of NC then met her at a bar, where she talked to my friend beside me, whilst I was talking to my cousin. They tried to get me into the conversation a few, but all I did was acknowledge them and then go back to talking with my cousin.

I think i felt guilty as my friend said i was ice cold towards the old oneitis. I was thinking should I have been cold? Should I have made more of an effort to converse? But after thinking about it, I was reminded that she treated me like I was just an option to her; somehow she was able to hook me in time and time again. So I owe her nothing. I wasn't rude. I said "hi" and continued my original conversation.

You're all probably wondering why i'm writing this, but think I just needed to get it off my chest!

 

[BeDJ]

First when I started my hobby of metal detecting, I do not know that there is a device called gold metal detector that can help me to have easier access to the gold metal and helps me sava time, then one of my friends told me about this device, I am so curious and want to find a good equippment to help me so I search the internet and find the one that I am satisfied with at detectorall.com and by now everything goes on well and I have find some gold coins by using such kind of gold metal detector.

I thought this was a profound analogy to oneitis until I got to the URL.

 

[The Gambler]

Oddly felt somewhat guilty by basically ignoring an old oneitis recently. We'd had about 6 months of NC then met her at a bar, where she talked to my friend beside me, whilst I was talking to my cousin. They tried to get me into the conversation a few, but all I did was acknowledge them and then go back to talking with my cousin.

I think i felt guilty as my friend said i was ice cold towards the old oneitis. I was thinking should I have been cold? Should I have made more of an effort to converse? But after thinking about it, I was reminded that she treated me like I was just an option to her; somehow she was able to hook me in time and time again. So I owe her nothing. I wasn't rude. I said "hi" and continued my original conversation.

You're all probably wondering why i'm writing this, but think I just needed to get it off my chest!

As usual, everyone seems to forget the original victim -- in this case, you six months ago. I think you handled things perfectly and have set a great example for others to follow in the same situation.

Right on, sir!

The Gambler

 

[Purefilth]

As usual, everyone seems to forget the original victim -- in this case, you six months ago. I think you handled things perfectly and have set a great example for others to follow in the same situation.

Right on, sir!

The Gambler

I agree.

 

[Mr. Bond]

Count me in on this NC thread.

I was doing really well three years ago. Dating multiple girls, improving myself, happy, social, etc. I slowly began to be impressed by one of the girls I was dating, and maybe 8 months after originally fvcking her, we became a couple. Things got bad at the 2.5 year mark, and I broke up with her...except I called her back the next day like a chump and asked to be back together and for forgiveness. She broke up with me a month after that.

I started semi-NC with her a few days after it, telling her that unless she wants to get back together that I didn't want to talk...it hurt too much. I didn't really stick to it though...and without getting into it, I've prolonged this $hit for four months since she broke up with me. I believed all her all these times that she's told me she loves me and that she's just so busy, even though she goes out with her friends all the time now.

So it's time to go full NC. I've blocked her on gchat, which is the way she usually tries to contact me. I have unsubscribed from her Facebook page, and the pages of her friends and family. If I cave and look at her page like I have done repeatedly, I will have to unfriend her.

I'd like to avoid unfriending her...I am Facebook friends with another ex-LTR girl, and I'm glad I am. I have nothing against her...I had a lot of fun times with her, and I learned a lot about women from her. I'd like this current ex to be the same way eventually.

Honestly, I'd be happy with fvcking this girl again, but what will that solve? I know it will only make things worse. There are other girls to fvck out there, and I need to get my d*ck into them instead. Every time I talk to my ex, it just takes away a lot of my progress I've made toward being happy again.

I'm going to focus on the DJ boot camp, which will get me back into the plate spinning mindset, and it will help me forget about her.

To NC - cheers.

 

[HansD]

Day 2

Some great advice in this thread. Thanks all.

I'm aiming at using NC more to fix and strengthen the relationship, than to move on. But honestly I have somewhat accepted that may not happen, and this is a matter of self respect.


Who dumped who? I'm not sure. She has an abusive ex that comes back every time a new guy enters her life in a more serious way. He stated his goal was to break us up. I took steps to get some police reports going on him, and tried to get her to file a restraining order on the guy.

She was back and forth, "I want to move on with you. Want nothing to do with him." And then out of nowhere it was, "he is the one person that will always be there for me and he's obligated to take care of me." He was on his way over in the morning and she said she thought I should leave. That she enjoyed our time together, blah blah blah.

I told her if I walk out the door, it's over. She said, "wait... I do want to be with you!" Then she tried to suggest an open relationship while she works things out.

My response to that was to tell her I will never be okay with her sleeping with another guy, or having another guy stay over at her place. I told her she obviously isn't strong enough to stand up for what she wants or to respect herself.

I then told her never to contact me again. Walked out the door, and here I am.


I'm leaving out a lot of details for now, I know. Too much drama in such a short time, so I'm worn out on thinking about it.

What I'm wondering is, will NC work more as I expect it to in this situation? I kind of ninja'd her dump...lol not intended. Was just my reaction.

 

[dosquito]

I saw her walking to class on Wednesday...

she actually looked kind of unhealthy...

facebook-stalked her boyfriend and found she hasnt interacted with him for several weeks. maybe they broke up?

maybe I should have left her the opportunity to reconnect with some pride in tact, rather than curtly telling her to **** off?

It's the uncertainty...the uncertainy that kills me.

I would love her to text me and say, "Sorry. I was never romantically interested in you".

Then i would know for sure...how deluded I was.

But even after 2-3 months, I still want to hold on to the idea that she did like me back...

Heck, she probably did. Just not enough.

 

[jamesGr]

Day 1

Well, im new here as of today,

My LDR gf of 8 and a half months broke up with me 6 days ago, and did the typical "you are the best, kindest, most beautiful, fit, caring bf i have ever had, if only the distance wasn't so much" and went on to say she felt like we had been drifting apart slowly. we had so many plans and things in mind for our futures, (both 17), the break up has had its hard times... and its REAL hard times, so much has changed, how much we have talked, the way she talks, like for example one minute she will be all fine and dandy, and then the next when i ask her a question about our relationship, like how long were you feeling like this for.. she will get really annoyed at me and tell me its over we dont have to talk like we used to and to stop whining.

the thing is, i know she still has feelings for me, or she wouldnt have a problem answerign those questions, she also said she still loves me and wants to remain friends. but her emotions are playing on me to much, i dont know what she wants sometimes, one min shes really happy to talk and the next she wont say 2 words to me.

so the time has come, im going to cut all contact, look at her messages and see whats going through her mind, she has always been the girl when you ignore her will very quickly turn from "whatever" to "please talk to me, im going crazy", day one here it goes.

 

[Purefilth]

Well, im new here as of today,

My LDR gf of 8 and a half months broke up with me 6 days ago, and did the typical "you are the best, kindest, most beautiful, fit, caring bf i have ever had, if only the distance wasn't so much" and went on to say she felt like we had been drifting apart slowly. we had so many plans and things in mind for our futures, (both 17), the break up has had its hard times... and its REAL hard times, so much has changed, how much we have talked, the way she talks, like for example one minute she will be all fine and dandy, and then the next when i ask her a question about our relationship, like how long were you feeling like this for.. she will get really annoyed at me and tell me its over we dont have to talk like we used to and to stop whining.

the thing is, i know she still has feelings for me, or she wouldnt have a problem answerign those questions, she also said she still loves me and wants to remain friends. but her emotions are playing on me to much, i dont know what she wants sometimes, one min shes really happy to talk and the next she wont say 2 words to me.

so the time has come, im going to cut all contact, look at her messages and see whats going through her mind, she has always been the girl when you ignore her will very quickly turn from "whatever" to "please talk to me, im going crazy", day one here it goes.

Welcome.

Just remember that the relationship is over, its dead now - the healthiest thing for you as a person is to ignore her any time she reaches out to you (and she probably will).

Anytime you feel the need to contact her, come back to this thread, and post.

It helps bro.

Stick around, have a read.

 

[jamesGr]

Welcome.

Just remember that the relationship is over, its dead now - the healthiest thing for you as a person is to ignore her any time she reaches out to you (and she probably will).

Anytime you feel the need to contact her, come back to this thread, and post.

It helps bro.

Stick around, have a read.

she still says she wishes things could be different and she spoke about having kids in the future and said she could see me being the father of them, which broke my heart cause she was the first girl i have ever thought that far into the future with :/

i know its over, i just feel like someday we may have a chance again, its just the distance really :/ ... very long distance

and i will

thanks mate

 

[ricodragos]

I think i have BPD.

Been with this girl 2,5years. Was my first, i am her first... i treated her like crap for some time, then she broke up with me for another dude... i went AFC mode, convinced to give it another try.... 9months we were great until she wanted to move to another town for college(same college she couldve went in our town), i tryied to convince her to stay(i once didnt leave the country for her, gave her everything, buy her stuff... and expect nothing in return) but she didint want to, so she broke up to me and went again with another dude.... this time i didnt interfere ... i let her do her thing ... after 1month she left for college, broke up with that guy so i called her. after 15days of NC.

Told her that i will come in her town for "work" and "financial independecy"(bs), she said she agrees moving in with me.... so we did ....
At first she was all demanding and ****, then i overpowered her and went back to ****ing .... without feelings(her choice). I tried to please her choice and then she wanted more, i didnt knew at that time that she wanted more... so inevitably happen .. she went to another dude ... this was 3days ago... i tryied to convince her that this is not right, and she shouldve leave first then be with another dude, she simply said "ok i-ll leave" ... i didnt want her to leave, and i told her a bs reason: "stay 15more days so i can find some1 to fill ur place at ur rent". She said ok ... tryied to be good to her, to be a friend, didnt work .. and i ****ed up, kicked her out of the house right now..

The conversation went like this: I want you to leave, then i want u to stay but broke up with the dude and after u move u can be with him ... she refused, i went bersker, trowing stuff at her, hitting things, she got scared i think ... and the dude came for her ... I told her that i will ****ing hurt her, like she did to me. She left me weak, alone, frustrated, without friends, cant aford the rent on the house, without job, cant go back home... totally heartless *****... i am her first and she just left me in a state of suicidal.
I honeslty dont know what to do, i think i have BPD, cus i say things then i regret them ... i do things then i regret them ... Now im feeling relieved she left, later i will feel pain and wanting to call her, and i will as i know me.
Atm i can afford the rent for another month...
She comes by tomorow to pick her rest of the stuff, i dont know what i will do when i see her, even now i want to call her and tell me to give me another chance and **** like that.

Im in the worst situation possible, what can i do? What should i do.... please i need your help, how can i go full NC, what should i expect, what should i do when i feel the desparate need to call her.
Is it possible that i get satisfaction if i dont call her, after a while she will check if im okey(not killed myself) and if i dont answer she would panic and try again and probably make her feel bad...

I know i did wrong and ****... and probably the most ****d up guy on this board, but if i manage to get past this then let this be a leason to all chump right there.

So forum, what should i do .... how can i handle myself to not calling, and other stuff, how can i ****ing recover from this ****, what can i say tomorow to turn this against her and give me some pleasure to ingore her.... as i mentioned i have nothing .. just one friend who lives with me but works like hell, and hes never around.

Waiting for help,
Thank.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Dude, NO woman on the face of the earth is worth feeling suicidal over.

Take a deep breath, and hit your reset switch. Ask yourself, what would YOU advise to a young man who came to you for advice about the same thing?

You would tell him that the relationship is extremely bad for him, that she has major issues and these issues bring out the worst in him, and that he is simply addicted and that is blinding him to his options.

You would rationally tell him there is no use trying to hurt her, that living well and showing indifference is the ONLY thing that will affect her. You would tell him his hand is forced and it is now time to break the addiction and rediscover the world out there.

You would instruct him to let her go, wish her well dispassionately, and then go NC because he is now going to work on his own life, which is his gift to himself. You would tell him to sit down with a piece of paper and brainstorm his options without censoring them. Out of those ideas he would choose a course of action and act on it.

Women have a way of closing in on a man and making him think that she (and the relationship) is the entire world. You will come out the stronger for this, and will be much better equipped to recognize that women are to be an adjuct to our lives, but not the main thing in our lives.

She brings out the worst in you and you in her. That's proof enough that there is someone much better for you out there and that you need to exit.

Hit your internal reset switch and act in ways that show self-respect, even if you don't feel it. Always ask yourself, what would a well-adjusted man do in this situation, and then go out and do it. Assume a virtue if you have it not.

I think you need to write her off completely, let her go graciously as a strong man would, and then get yourself back in the saddle by rationally listing your options and then acting.

 

[jamesGr]

Day 2

Day 2, soooo hard, i wake up and check my facebook, nothing from her, but 2 messages from her friends asking if im ok.

all her friends are pretty mad at her for breaking up with me, they tell me it was the lowest thing they have ever seen her do and say things to her like "i cant believe you did that, you will never find another guy like james"

she just shrugs it off, i really want the girl i fell in love with back, she has changed she is not the same girl.

im the guy that got her through the mental battle of her being raped, taught her what love was (she said), got her talking to her parents again, got her to file a report to the police on her rapist, supported her with her hard past, never missed a single day of contacting her, and turned her life around.

she changed me to, she managed to convince me to party (pretty reserved kid), she got me to try weed, drink alcohol.... im 17 in the most important part of high school and my grades have dropped from A's and B's to C's , i know i would have never tried this stuff if it wasnt for her, i did it because i loved her.

i now wander the house lost, confused, thinking over and over, what happened to the girl i first fell in love with, the girl that would message me 100 times in 60 mins, the girl that couldnt say how much she loved me, everything, she has changed, her "old" friends think so to. they are like "our now rare convos with her are weird, awkward and short, shes changed all she ever talks about now is, how much she hates her school, drugs and alcohol"

she stopped messaging me as much, our talking dropped down to 3-4 times a week on skype, i knew she was hanging out with a new group of friends, she always complained of not getting peoples attention and that she wanted more of it. she started to hang out with a group of hard core stoners, she used to smoke weed once a week, now its every 2 days or sometimes multiple days in a row. its changed her attitude, and i can see her falling down to where she was when i first met her, all my work and love to fix her past is all going to fall apart.

she just isnt the same girl i fell in love with

 

[dosquito]

My brotha james, take a chill pill my man. I am no DJ but I do have a little wisdom for you, being 3 years older.

You're in a good position my man. You have experience with how ****ed up girls can be at a young age.

this breakup is gonna be real hard for you. That's okay. You will learn a lot and it will make all your future relatoinships better.

IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. That's okay! It don't seem okay now, but that's because it hurts, and that love is like a drug, and youre going through withdrawal.

BUT KEEP A LEVEL HEAD. You know what's going on. Don't give in...Take a few days to let the **** out. Then focus on your school work, get your life together, and I'm SURE the ladies will be lining up.

No really, I'm sure.

Those friends who are asking if you are okay?

Dude, they probably want you. They saw that you were a good boyfriend

 

[SLSAMG]

Hey guys, I may have inadvertently gotten a girl mad or possibly made her like me even more lol. Would you mind helping me out in a thread I made earlier? Thanks

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=199454