The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[SoSuave666]

I'm just trying to clarify differing advice OF members of THIS THREAD

ALSO - this is unique as she didn't break up with me:
We had a 2-hour call Sunday night, and I FELT she was confused and not working with both feet in things. I know she wanted space because of her actions, not her words. Was "the talk" about needing space/etc from her imminent? Yes...although she denied she needed space, etc. I just KNEW and was ahead of the curve...

Same advice applies?

You're wrong. It's not unique. She DID break up with you. When a woman is "confused" and "not working with both feet in the water" it means she wants out. Especially for a 40 year old woman. She has been in relationships before. She knows what feels right. Unfortunately, even 40 year old women with children have entitlement issues these days.

You keep telling her she needs space and what not. You aren't ahead of ANY curve. If you were ahead of the curve, you would have known she was uninterested in you and begun seeing other people while going NO CONTACT. Which is what I'm telling you to do. The only way to regain interest is to be a scarce commodity. You're 40, you probably know economics. An object is in higher demand when the resource is more scarce. Having 2 hour phone conversations about how she needs space and how you are willing to give it to her only enforces the fact that she is holding all the cards. When you leave and stop contacting her she will realize a couple things. 1.) She doesn't mean as much to you as she once thought AND 2.) You have more value than she thought.

While away, improve yourself. Not for her, but for yourself. Don't reach out to her. Don't. Do. Anything. Just live your life. You can find plenty of other women, but only if you make the conscious choice. No one on this board is going to be able to MAKE you a better man. You have to do that for yourself. It begins with letting go of some chick who is dragging you down.

Don't contact her. You are prolonging the inevitable.

 

[r1971]

SS - thanks.
That was a great reply.
And that is what I shall do (NO letter...NOTHING)...
However, I'm NOT ashamed to admit that I am having a very hard time Unfriending her from Facebook....it's REALLY hard
PLUS,3 of my family members are STILL FB friends of hers.....UGGGGH

 

[bigneil]

Unfriending her should be the easiest thing. Do it immediately. That will also raise her interest because she'll think you're hiding something.

 

[Skalioppe]

Interesting angle.
We had a 2-hour call Sunday night, and I FELT she was confused and not working with both feet in things. I know she wanted space because of her actions, not her words. Was "the talk" about needing space/etc from her imminent? Yes...although she denied she needed space, etc. I just KNEW and was ahead of the curve. Of course, during the call, she teased me about girls on my FB page, and I gave it back to her and threw in an immature dig at her that she loves the attention (so why change status to relationship when she's getting the attention)...that was early in the call....We had our battles the last few months, but no fight during that 2 hour call.......

Based on that, was it ended on a civil/good notes? Should I just leave it be and not say anything???

r1971, I don't think you are understanding your own scenario. She wants you as her crutch, to support you whilst she looks for a new c0ck to fvck. It appeases her ego knowing you are available to serve her just by throwing you a few indicators of interest.

You are not helping yourself one iota.

GO NC COMPLETELY (THAT MEANS NO FB, NO TEXTS, NO PHONECALLS, NOTHING).

If this makes her come back begging, saying she wants you back "a proper" then great, otherwise it'll help you to move on and stop being a limp biscuit.

 

[r1971]

"If this makes her come back begging, saying she wants you back "a proper" then great,"

A Proper?

 

[Skalioppe]

A Proper?

It's a colloquial UK term, it means properly without question.

 

[r1971]

Well taken....
Appreciate the UK-to-NYC translation - lol

Removing her from FB today

 

[drellum]

Well taken....
Appreciate the UK-to-NYC translation - lol

Removing her from FB today

Aye, Good lad. That will show her!

 

[trulycrushed]

15 month long relationship ended on 5/31/12. At the time it was a "break" she needed so we could reset the relationship. Thought we would get back together. I gave her space and 5 days later called and said she was miserable. I kept telling her that I was patient and loved her. A few weeks later
she called me and berated me for everything I had done in the relationship, months prior we had arguments, but I only was trying to tell her she didn't give nearly as much as I did. Told me that we were done and there was nothing I could do to prevent the breakup. Went NC for 6 days when she called to tell me she was coming into town (we live 5 hours apart) and she wanted to pick up some things. I agreed and then she invited me to dinner. Had nice dinner. She said she missed me and didn't want us to end. Next day we went to see a counselor and things I thought were on the upswing. She went to this 4 day concert with her sister. I went to a wedding 2 days later when people started texting me to see if I saw the pics of her with some guys arms wrapped around her at this concert. I was crushed and angry! I texted her and said she lived up to her reputation and asked why she did it publicly. She said nothing happened and essentially said I was was an ass for calling her a *****. Said that she had "probably sent mixed signals to me." WTF? Another 6 days went by and I texted her on her birthday telling her happy birthday and I was thinking of her. She said she thought of me every day and was mad every day. During this time period we had planned on getting married 6 months prior. I left it and 5 days ago took an ambient. Next morning I realized I had texted her asking if she was truly done and I loved her. I was so pissed at myself!! She called me and berated me for things that happened over a year ago. I have been very nice to her through all of this. At the beginning of our relationship I went out on 3 benign dates with another girl which she found out about. For the next 14 months I was the most faithful BF possible. I really fell hard! In this recent conversation she told me she went on 3 dinner dates and had sex after all three! I don't think it's true, but either way she is either a ***** or viciously trying to hurt me. She said she was truly done. I have not contacted her in 5 days and plan on never initiating contact again. I really love her, but she has crushed my heart!! Any thoughts?

 

[trulycrushed]

Mauser96 thanks for the advice. I know that complete scarcity is the only way to get my own sense of power back. I'm doing this to regain my own dignity and get my own power back in this. Regardless of whether she comes back (she truly doesnt deserve me at this point) I will feel better knowing I went out with my head held high. To be honest, everyone tells me that I am way too good for her, but somehow I've allowed her to screw with my head to the point that I was a complete puss at the end. No more!! I am the most important person in my life.

 

[nkh78h]

Right on!

 

[Cyclops1982]

trulycrushed - ah man, totally feel where you're coming from. The more stories I read the more depressingly familiar the pattern. Mauser96 is right on the money; we need to all start valuing ourselves and refuse to be treated like ****s. It's all about getting back our sense of dignity and self-respect. We have value even if they don't realise it. If and when they come to, then we can decide if we're interested, otherwise it's their loss. Easier said than done I know, but we need to believe in ourselves or no-one else ever will.

 

[r1971]

Owning up and ready for my ***** slap...
Day 5 of NC, but I still didn't remove her from FB...
2x during the week, she "Liked" a post on FB I put up, rang me via 2-way pager (w/o voice....it was like a poke to me).
However, I know that seeing her Check in places this weekend on FB would suck, so the time has come....

 

[SoSuave666]

Owning up and ready for my ***** slap...
Day 5 of NC, but I still didn't remove her from FB...
2x during the week, she "Liked" a post on FB I put up, rang me via 2-way pager (w/o voice....it was like a poke to me).
However, I know that seeing her Check in places this weekend on FB would suck, so the time has come....

Make sure you scream out in a loud manly voice, "TAKE THAT B!TCH!"

That will show her.

 

[trulycrushed]

Day 5. Heading out of town to clear my head. I blocked her and anyone associated with her on FB, but people are telling me that she is putting things on there to just get a rise out of me. Wore a shirt that said "Its not me. Its you." and that was her new "life motto". Very trashy behavior. Im not sure why she feels the need to take jabs at me when I have only kept my head high without resorting to hurtful acts. She said it is over and said some awful things to me. I have not contacted her. Anyone know why she would continue to act like this?

 

[Cyclops1982]

Day 5. Heading out of town to clear my head. I blocked her and anyone associated with her on FB, but people are telling me that she is putting things on there to just get a rise out of me. Wore a shirt that said "Its not me. Its you." and that was her new "life motto". Very trashy behavior. Im not sure why she feels the need to take jabs at me when I have only kept my head high without resorting to hurtful acts. She said it is over and said some awful things to me. I have not contacted her. Anyone know why she would continue to act like this?

Getting 'a rise' out of you basically proves to her that she is still in control and has the power, that's why she does it. You're doing the right thing - stay above it, hold your head high. When the dust settles no-one will be able to question your behaviour and in the long run she'll be the one embarrassed (or you won't care anyway). Don't rise to the bait. I would however ask your friends to do you a favour and NOT tell you anything about her behaviour anymore. You don't want to know. The more I read the more I question whether these women are really worth all our time and effort.

 

[SoSuave666]

Day 5. Heading out of town to clear my head. I blocked her and anyone associated with her on FB, but people are telling me that she is putting things on there to just get a rise out of me. Wore a shirt that said "Its not me. Its you." and that was her new "life motto". Very trashy behavior. Im not sure why she feels the need to take jabs at me when I have only kept my head high without resorting to hurtful acts. She said it is over and said some awful things to me. I have not contacted her. Anyone know why she would continue to act like this?

No matter how the relationship ended, you will ALWAYS be the bad guy. She could have cut your d!ck off and shoved it up your a$$. In her mind, she is the victim. She will spend hours, days, months cursing you to her friends AND your friends, trying to turn everyone against you. With her next boyfriend you will be the chump who was very clingy and pathetic. To all her girlfriends you have the smallest d!ck on the planet and you lasted 3 minutes in bed.

You can't do anything about this. All you can do is ignore her and live a better life, a higher life, a wiser life. She will eventually see you aren't bothered by her actions. She will throw tempter tantrums, fits, blah blah blah. Women are stupid, entitled, and unforgiving...the worst combination I have ever seen in an animal. They don't do these things to survive like any other questionable act in nature; but they do these things because society protects them from consequences. Things aren't changing. Just be a better person than her, and all things will work themselves out bro.

 

[trulycrushed]

Sosuave666, thanks for your advice. Somehow she has demonized me and turned everything around. Not sure if she actually believes this crap or not, but she has tried to destroy my heart. I am a good guy who happens to love someone who now wants to inflict pain. I am truly hurt and am trying to pick up the pieces. I am ignoring her and will never initiate contact, but damn its tough! I just hope time will remove the thoughts of her from my mind. Onto day 6.

 

[trulycrushed]

Now that things are really becoming tough for me I have tried turning to The Serenity Prayer and remember that I cannot control anyone but myself. Anyone else out there turned to this for relief. Just having a tough day and want the pain to go away.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

I handled it calmly, told her if that's how she feels fair enough, I'm disappointed. But that's life. Waited a couple data, deleted her Facebook "without the pointless message telling her im deleting her"
Feel a million times better for it, happen to have got a new phone recently so no texts from her to mull over, I don't even have her phone number.
Freedom, start of new things.