The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[drellum]

Yeah....I didn't think of it as a violation since there was no direct contact.....
but that makes sense. Thanks.

It looked like a shout out for me....that's all....and I was not going to take the bait

Don't even look!

You have got to get her right out of your mind!
I warned all of my friends to tell me nothing.
I never looked at her fb page (when I was on fb).
I disappeared off the map. Completely!

No numbers, email addresses, locks of hair nothing. She's gone. It's brutal but the only way to move on!

As i said - start some dating - buy new clothes work out - all of the old cliches - but it works!!

 

[bigneil]

OMG I can't imagine r1971 considers it NC if they are FB Friends. He shouldn't even look at her FB page, nevermind be in the news feed.

FB is the most unromantic thing possible IMO. It's FB Just Friends.

 

[r1971]

Well said all.
@bigneil - that is clever (I'm not being sarcastic)

 

[bigneil]

@r1971: Don't block her, but unfriend her for sure.

 

[r1971]

Guys & Girls,
Not sure if you have also seen the How to get your ex back fast (com) site, but they gave a format for an NC letter, which basically says to agree with the break up (or the "limbo" you are in), say you have big decisions to make and you need time to think them over and you would appreciate if they didn't contact you during this time, and finish with ""I will be in touch when I am ready."....no emotion......and leaves a little dangle...


What are your thoughts?

 

[drellum]

Guys & Girls,
Not sure if you have also seen the How to get your ex back fast (com) site, but they gave a format for an NC letter, which basically says to agree with the break up (or the "limbo" you are in), say you have big decisions to make and you need time to think them over and you would appreciate if they didn't contact you during this time, and finish with ""I will be in touch when I am ready."....no emotion......and leaves a little dangle...


What are your thoughts?

There is a wealth of info about Nc out there. I certainly wouldn't pay for it.
It's simple really. NC is not a tool to get the ex back.....always remember that. It's about letting them go. Unless you can accept that it will be a waste of time.

I hate to say this but it is just a case of saying it how it is, manning up and wait for it........Never speaking to them!

These articles are worth reading (x4 - change number in URL one two etc)

http://slaytheday.com/how-to-get-your-ex-girlfriend-back-phase-one/

D

 

[r1971]

Cool link D, thanks.
Interesting....
Thanks.
What really is a downer is that this coming Saturday night was the first night we were going to have alone in a long time. And now with no contact, I feel she will book other plans. I will do the same...but I know my first choice is.

So are you saying that sending a No Contact letter to her as suggested (like this one below) is not a good idea?:
*****************
Hi,
I agree with your decision to take a break. I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

*****************

What do you guys/girls think?

 

[bigneil]

The link posted above by drellum is honestly the best thing I've read online - I posted the 4 part series a couple months ago.

There is tons of crap out there based on NC theory:

* Watch out for one of the most insidious internet marketing campaigns with "The Magic of Making Up". I have never seen so many different paths leading to the same (largely useless) product. You'll find articles that say something like "This led me to the brilliant work of a Dr. Kevorksis who developed a new system called 'The Magic of Making Up' ".

* 95% of the info you find online is the same info rehashed as if written by a college student as an assignment, and they end with links to some product. Many websites (I think eZine is one) make a living posting tons of this crap.

* The worst ones use various fonts and you have to scroll down 100 pages just to see the ad, and they never give any real info, just stuff like "You'll learn amazing techniques such as: 'How to have anal sex with your ex only minutes after getting dumped' and MORE!".

* There is also some Asian guy on youtube with his "no games, no gimmicks, just honest advice on how to get your girl back" spam campaign.

* Watch out for female Asian women pretending to be male dating coaches ("Hi I'm Steve", download my video...). I'm sorry, but I just cannot imagine a female Asian woman knowing the secrets of dating for men.

* Want to be coddled by dozens of men AND women who are lonely and who use smiley faces in every sentence? Relationshiptalk.net. For therapy, I go on there just to b*tch slap some of the AFC's until the group boos me off.

* If I read one more article where the author says "Don't beg her" I'm going to break something.

 

[r1971]

Thanks B.....from the kicklovesa%%.com website, he mentions the Making Up book you mentioned, but he said to use the NC letter I pasted above vs. the one in the book (he said the one in the book doesn't work)...what are your thoughts on the letter above?

 

[bigneil]

@r1971 I wouldn't use a canned letter like that - what if she does a Google search and finds that it's a tactic? I won't even cut and paste their text messages verbatim for that reason.

It's probably best to just vanish into thin air.

However, the last words are what are remembered most. So if you ended on bad terms and she might hate you forever if you never speak again, take the time to send one last email (not a text if you can avoid it) to end on good terms. It will be short. It will not ask for any reply. It will just say something to the effect of "I know that it's over now, but you and I were once close and I'm happy for that".

 

[drellum]

Cool link D, thanks.
Interesting....
Thanks.
What really is a downer is that this coming Saturday night was the first night we were going to have alone in a long time. And now with no contact, I feel she will book other plans. I will do the same...but I know my first choice is.

So are you saying that sending a No Contact letter to her as suggested (like this one below) is not a good idea?:
*****************
Hi,
I agree with your decision to take a break. I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

*****************

What do you guys/girls think?

Right! One thing here!

YOU DON'T CONTACT HER - EVER!

Don't fall into that trap because you will mark a day on your calendar.
You have to be willing to leave it weeks, months, years!!

NC is not about getting them back - it doesn't work like that!

Tell her that you love her if you like, but you intend to move on with your life - with her or without her. Tell her that you hope that she will have a change of heart regarding your relationship and that you will leave the door open for a while.
Unless she is willing to talk about reconciliation - do not contact me and that you are deleting all contact numbers, facebook, email adresses....everything.

Wish her every happiness and all of the best for the future.

Then forget her. Do not go where she goes or where she is likely to go. Distance yourself from her friends.....walk off the map!

d

 

[drellum]

The link posted above by drellum is honestly the best thing I've read online - I posted the 4 part series a couple months ago.

Thanks again for those LINKS neil....awesome stuff! I still read them every now and again. Says it how it is and the tone of voice says MAN UP!

D

 

[r1971]

Interesting angle.
We had a 2-hour call Sunday night, and I FELT she was confused and not working with both feet in things. I know she wanted space because of her actions, not her words. Was "the talk" about needing space/etc from her imminent? Yes...although she denied she needed space, etc. I just KNEW and was ahead of the curve. Of course, during the call, she teased me about girls on my FB page, and I gave it back to her and threw in an immature dig at her that she loves the attention (so why change status to relationship when she's getting the attention)...that was early in the call....We had our battles the last few months, but no fight during that 2 hour call.......

Based on that, was it ended on a civil/good notes? Should I just leave it be and not say anything???

 

[r1971]

"Tell her that you love her if you like, but you intend to move on with your life - with her or without her. Tell her that you hope that she will have a change of heart regarding your relationship and that you will leave the door open for a while.".....but doesn't the letter, albeit canned and needing some alteration, do this more "Coldly" and leaves her wondering what the hell happened?

 

[drellum]

While you are still in contact with her you will constantly be pulled back to square 1....and then she will meet somebody else.

I'm not going to go here again: Stop contact - for your own self esteem.

Stop picking over the bones of your relationship. It's not attractive and it smacks of neediness.

You have to leave it and move on.

Some people advocate sending a final letter - some don't. I go with the former because it leaves nothing open to interpretation.

D

 

[drellum]

"Tell her that you love her if you like, but you intend to move on with your life - with her or without her. Tell her that you hope that she will have a change of heart regarding your relationship and that you will leave the door open for a while.".....but doesn't the letter, albeit canned and needing some alteration, do this more "Coldly" and leaves her wondering what the hell happened?

iT IS SIMPLY SAYING IT HOW IT IS RATHER THAN A CUT/PASTE OFF THE NET

 

[r1971]

Drellum & BigN - You guys are saying two different things?

 

[drellum]

BN is saying just disappear.
I'm saying send a letter.

After that just do No Contact

 

[SoSuave666]

She gets no letter. She gets nothing from you. She broke up with you and you want to send her something saying you care about her and need time to yourself? You are OBVIOUSLY trying to turn the tables. Just fvcking leave. This is the no contact thread, so fvcking implement it or start a NEW thread about how you don't take advice and some chick is playing with your mind. JUST. STOP. TALKING.

 

[r1971]

I'm just trying to clarify differing advice OF members of THIS THREAD

ALSO - this is unique as she didn't break up with me:
We had a 2-hour call Sunday night, and I FELT she was confused and not working with both feet in things. I know she wanted space because of her actions, not her words. Was "the talk" about needing space/etc from her imminent? Yes...although she denied she needed space, etc. I just KNEW and was ahead of the curve...

Same advice applies?