The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

dbx

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She text me again! :
Anyway fully regret ever texting and trying to...I'm not even sure what I was trying to do...hope u don't hate me 1day and remember we had a good time x
What the hell do I do?

Edit: the bit saying she doesn't know what she was trying to do has really thrown me. Her first message said she wanted to be friends and talk. I don't know if she's trying to stimulate a response or being honest.
 

Shockwavedave

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dbx said:
She text me again! :

What the hell do I do?

Edit: the bit saying she doesn't know what she was trying to do has really thrown me. Her first message said she wanted to be friends and talk. I don't know if she's trying to stimulate a response or being honest.

Probably both. But ultimately she is trying to make herself feel better
 

dbx

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I'm thinking about replying and just playing it cool. Just a funny text mentioning nothing about the breakup. No contact is good for getting over her. I would like her back, so I take it I need to reply at some point?

Advice on how to play it would be great!
 

drellum

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dbx said:
I'm thinking about replying and just playing it cool. Just a funny text mentioning nothing about the breakup. No contact is good for getting over her. I would like her back, so I take it I need to reply at some point?

Advice on how to play it would be great!


IMO: you are being played. She's playing with your emotions and you are falling for it.

Even if she is genuine.....how can you change your mindset in less than a week?

Ask her to respect NC and give it at least a month but in reality longer.

Take the month and see how you both feel. She will admire your mental strength if nothing else!

D
 

dbx

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Surely with all the knowlegde and experience on these boards, someone can tell me how to play this to get her back? And yes, I do want her back.

I was thinking wait another day or two to let her think she's fully lost me then text? I imagine until she hears back from me, she won't be able to think of anything else, so it's good to wait.
 

bigneil

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dbx said:
Surely with all the knowledge and experience on these boards, someone can tell me how to play this to get her back?
drellum just f*cking told you.

dbx said:
I imagine until she hears back from me, she won't be able to think of anything else.
I really did laugh out loud at this.
 

SoSuave666

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dbx said:
I was thinking wait another day or two to let her think she's fully lost me then text? I imagine until she hears back from me, she won't be able to think of anything else, so it's good to wait.
What?



She broke up with you man. Not hearing back from you is a blessing more than a curse right now. You think she will realize she fully lost you after two days?? Try 2 months. Try 6 months. Break ups are serious sh!t man. There is no "get your girlfriend back in 2 days" plan. Stay away from her and try not to think about her. After a while she may or may not come back to you. If you try and force the issue, especially in an emotionally weak state (which it seems you are), you will fail.
 

bigneil

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It seems so silly when a man cares about a particular woman. But when it's us caring about our woman, it's a curse.
 

Skalioppe

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Day 12. My first post here, so I suppose I should be polite and give some background, apologies if you think it's long but what the hell....

We've been on and off LDR for 2 years - the distance and the fact she's bipolar played havoc with things, but we have a strong connection and end up back with each other time and time again. We split a while back but stayed in contact pretty much continually, we care a great deal for each other, always will, but I can't help feeling I've become her crutch / counsel in lieu of something serious. I blame myself to some degree as I wasn't prepared to commit something serious when I had the opportunity, without one of us moving closer.

In April she kept asking me to go away for a short break with her in May, but I was really busy with a full diary. Anyway, during May she stopped contacting me as frequently as she used to.

At the end of May I called her and guessing she's met someone I asked her outright, which she confirmed - she'd started seeing someone. Later that day I said I was taking a sabbatical from her to try to heal my jealous sadness and to move on, it was done as considerately as candidly as possible and not too soppy or sad, but I explained it was to help me - I even tried to add something funny at the end to soften the blow. I added some justification like I felt like her counsel, and probably wasn't the best person for it as I'd get upset when she was, explaining it was something she should really discuss with her new guy. I also mentioned she hadn't contacted much and we'd seen little of each other too anyway. In any respect the email was kind of NC but more for me something more final. It hurt like hell, but I knew I needed to do it. I couldn't bear to hear her jolly knowing it was due to the excitement of a new man.

I think her suggesting we go away was a last chance for us before she decided to start seeing the new guy, it seemed too coincidental.

A week after my NC / EOC email, she emailed me saying she's in a bad way. She said she was distraught, numb, miserable, anxious, very upset and sad but she understood why I was doing it, but she wrote a lot on how bad a state she was in, probably trying to get me to reply in my usual stalwart caring role. She is a musician (singer) and said she had to do a performance shortly after my revelation and how hard it was as she felt terrible and empty and was hypercritical on her (usually amazing) performance. She explained she may need to go back to her Doctors for meds, because she felt so low, and apologised that she hadn't been in contact much lately and referred to me as her special one. I sensed the whole email was a cry for help but I didn't reply, although I was saddened to hear her woes (I care, I can't help it) I felt happy she'd contacted me upset. Weird huh?

I do worry about her, as she can be very fragile in her depressive anxious bipolar cycles, but this has to be done. I've embraced NC and removed emails, pics, we aren't Facebook friends, etc.

I know she's shocked by this, but I wonder how she felt by me not replying and if she misses me or the new relationship energy is keeping her distracted? I'd love to hear any of your opinions on things?

I felt crappy today... It feels like someone I know has died.
 

Skalioppe

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dbx said:
I was thinking wait another day or two to let her think she's fully lost me then text? I imagine until she hears back from me, she won't be able to think of anything else, so it's good to wait.
She won't miss you in two days fella. Contacting her so soon will simply work in the opposite regards to what you are trying to achieve. Wait... and then some and some more. It's really hard, it tears you up, but it's what you need to do. Right now you are emotional and your mind is trying throw every emotion at her in an attempt to get her back, it doesn't work, it's your mind in a desperate state - cold turkey if you like.
 

Skalioppe

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GADavid said:
....contact is weak. weak is unattractive. NC is risky, but there's no reward without risk. I realized she stays in contact to ease the guilt she might feel for cutting me off. at least she might respect me for being able to walk away.
That's a paragraph of absolute clarity and conviction. You described my exact thoughts too!
 

drellum

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Skalioppe said:
That's a paragraph of absolute clarity and conviction. You described my exact thoughts too!


NC shouldn't really be any sort of risk IMO. It should be for you and you alone. Only you benefit from it. It puts the ball firmly in her court. She replies or she doesn't. If that is the risk - what is the alternative?

NC is no short term fix or solution - it's a way to be....a journey not a destination. It's hard and bleak to think of it like that but it's better to get your head around it.

Some of the earlier comments in this thread - 3 days, 5 days......Think in half year periods and you will be closer to the truth.

D
 

jefh

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ok, so I guess we're using this space to help release our emotions and not contact our exes.

I had a weird relationship for almost a year with a girl who was my friend 9 years prior to us "getting together" We liked each other but didn't want a relationship and did the Fbuddy thing. At first everything was good because it was all about sex, however talking to each other everyday and having sex and hanging out more than we should've lead to us developing feelings to each other. However she has done things that I found disrespectful even we were not official. We had agreed to not mess around with other people and we were trying to make things work between us. I felt that I was the only one trying to make things work, and felt that she didn't appreciate me and took me for granted, and I felt that i was just wasting my time, as we weren't even having sex anymore, only when she wanted. I do believe I have feelings for this girl, and she does have feelings for me too, but we were not going anywhere. I talked to her on Sunday and told her we needed a break from talking because I can't be putting myself in a situation where I see her do things that bother me and upset me. I explained to her that I wasn't mad at her and she did nothing wrong, and she told me I was over reacting, and in some ways tried to give me options but she never said, she would tried to change. So we left things like that, told her that whenever i feel that whatever she did, didn't bother me I would talk to her, because I believe there can be a friendship between us, but she told me that if I talk to her but aren't willing to work things out, that she would rather not talk to me at all. It sucks because I think i've lost a friend too, we got so close because of problems she had at her house and I would be there for her. I dropped her off at her house and gave her a hug and a kiss and just said good bye.

It's been 2 days already and of couse I can't help to miss her, but I believe I'm doing the right thing, I don't want my emotions to be like a rollercoaster because of her and the things she does, so i think getting out of her business and let her do her thing without me knowing is the best choice for me and for her, because she doesn't have to put up with me telling her that I don't like her behavior.
 

ganda1f91

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I see this thread is mostly for exes, but I'm looking to start NC with a former oneitis (never even made it past that) shortly. Before being rejected we spoke on a 4 - 5 day per week basis. Now, about 4 months later, we text maybe once a week average, and I've got plenty else going on. I guess you could say we're on friendly terms, and I've done well to not be an orbiter, but I think I need to take it further. She still comes to mind here and there (luckily, with other girls coming to mind more often now), and it seems time to close the chapter. What will happen next? Who knows/cares?
 

drellum

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ganda1f91 said:
I see this thread is mostly for exes, but I'm looking to start NC with a former oneitis (never even made it past that) shortly. Before being rejected we spoke on a 4 - 5 day per week basis. Now, about 4 months later, we text maybe once a week average, and I've got plenty else going on. I guess you could say we're on friendly terms, and I've done well to not be an orbiter, but I think I need to take it further. She still comes to mind here and there (luckily, with other girls coming to mind more often now), and it seems time to close the chapter. What will happen next? Who knows/cares?

Just tell her that you are breaking contact - end of. Sounds like it will be a breeze for you to be honest. You will forget her in no time and the chances are she will end up contacting you.

I would say write her a decent, unemotional letter, wishe her luck and say goodbye. I think that approach plants a seed in the mindset.
 

jefh

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jefh said:
ok, so I guess we're using this space to help release our emotions and not contact our exes.

I had a weird relationship for almost a year with a girl who was my friend 9 years prior to us "getting together" We liked each other but didn't want a relationship and did the Fbuddy thing. At first everything was good because it was all about sex, however talking to each other everyday and having sex and hanging out more than we should've lead to us developing feelings to each other. However she has done things that I found disrespectful even we were not official. We had agreed to not mess around with other people and we were trying to make things work between us. I felt that I was the only one trying to make things work, and felt that she didn't appreciate me and took me for granted, and I felt that i was just wasting my time, as we weren't even having sex anymore, only when she wanted. I do believe I have feelings for this girl, and she does have feelings for me too, but we were not going anywhere. I talked to her on Sunday and told her we needed a break from talking because I can't be putting myself in a situation where I see her do things that bother me and upset me. I explained to her that I wasn't mad at her and she did nothing wrong, and she told me I was over reacting, and in some ways tried to give me options but she never said, she would tried to change. So we left things like that, told her that whenever i feel that whatever she did, didn't bother me I would talk to her, because I believe there can be a friendship between us, but she told me that if I talk to her but aren't willing to work things out, that she would rather not talk to me at all. It sucks because I think i've lost a friend too, we got so close because of problems she had at her house and I would be there for her. I dropped her off at her house and gave her a hug and a kiss and just said good bye.

It's been 2 days already and of couse I can't help to miss her, but I believe I'm doing the right thing, I don't want my emotions to be like a rollercoaster because of her and the things she does, so i think getting out of her business and let her do her thing without me knowing is the best choice for me and for her, because she doesn't have to put up with me telling her that I don't like her behavior.

so on the second day this girl texted me. She texted me twice last night, first it was a question about a tablet ( she is using a tablet to use the internet and asked me a question regarding it )I DIDN'T reply. Then an hour later she texted me again and I didn't reply either.
 

headFirst

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DAY 5 for me:

Started no contact Sat night.. I still have quizy feelings in my stomach when I tend to have the thought of never seeing or talking to her again but I know it's for the best.

Last week I was messing around and poked her on Facebook before everything went down.. I started no contact on Saturday and last night she poked me back on facebook. I'm not sure if it was intentional or by accident.. I just ignored it.. And it made me feel worse today, because now all I'm trying to do is analyze the reasons behind the poke.

I just wish this nightmare would be over soon.. I went out Saturday night and met a pretty good looking girl.. She was intoxicated mildly.. but I very good looking, 23 yrs old and an executive assistant at some company out here in Cali.. I'm out here for an intern at NASA.. and she seemed to like that when I told her and kept touching me everytime she spoke.

I've been tanning more outside and lifting heavier so she def took notice in my physiq. I couldn't seal the deal though. Was just too soon to start even thinking about sleeping with other people. I got her number after a bit and walked away. Maybe this weekend things will go differently..

Good luck to everyone else!
 

DonJuanit0

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Just wanted to add here, after 1.5 month of NC she has contacted me and wants to meet with me! Although I moved on with my life and now she holds me back once more, she has returned! You guys will feel better and better every day!
 

ganda1f91

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drellum said:
Just tell her that you are breaking contact - end of. Sounds like it will be a breeze for you to be honest. You will forget her in no time and the chances are she will end up contacting you.

I would say write her a decent, unemotional letter, wishe her luck and say goodbye. I think that approach plants a seed in the mindset.
I get unemotional, but this still wouldn't be too dramatic or anything? Just wondering. You know better than me though. I'm still pretty early in my shower of washing all the afc off me... (but I'm definitely working on it!)
 

drellum

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ganda1f91 said:
I get unemotional, but this still wouldn't be too dramatic or anything? Just wondering. You know better than me though. I'm still pretty early in my shower of washing all the afc off me... (but I'm definitely working on it!)
A lot of people just go NC....walk off the map and say nothing, but think about this from her point of view: It looks a bit childish and spiteful.

I take the view that you say it how it is, and if you want, leave the door ajar if you might want her in the future. Then walk off the map.

To be honest it shouldn't really matter because NC is about you. You should try and keep her out of your mind and move on.
 
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