The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[john1234]

You're wasting your time, you're bargaining like a b1tch.

Go NC, stick to it, no bargaining, no what ifs, just do it.

I will put my self back into dating, as I am getting stronger day by day.

And the next conversation with her is to end it! she clearly has no respect for men!


The problem is how do I respond when I see her at work playing with other men..

 

[Skalioppe]

​

The problem is how do I respond when I see her at work playing with other men..

That's the hardest thing to swallow, been there, had it rubbed in my face. She's expecting you to be affected, best thing to do, smile and pretend you aren't affected at all costs. She'll fvcking hate it. Not easy to do when inside you're hurting like fvck. But you know what you've got to do.. Pride and show her you are fine, b1tch will be confused to fvck!

 

[Skalioppe]

How long should I wait though when she starts calling/texting lets say in like a month to contact her again?

You ignore her, simple as.

 

[headFirst]

NC day 11..

Was doing good for a while but now I'm back on this low self-esteem, depression bout.. I gave her my whitesox/ cubs tickets before i left for my intern and before eveything went down hill.. I was supposed to take her to the game but since i couldn't go i let her have my ticket. That was monday. Ever since then I've been thinking about that and have been pretty down. I was a little surprised she didn't even text me to say thanks again for the tickets.

 

[Skalioppe]

NC day 11..

Was doing good for a while but now I'm back on this low self-esteem, depression bout.. I gave her my whitesox/ cubs tickets before i left for my intern and before eveything went down hill.. I was supposed to take her to the game but since i couldn't go i let her have my ticket. That was monday. Ever since then I've been thinking about that and have been pretty down. I was a little surprised she didn't even text me to say thanks again for the tickets.

The first six weeks are the hardest, and you'll be going over and over sh1t in your head like a stuck record. Things you did, said or should have done. It fvcks with your mind and self esteem which is why it's really important to keep busy with new stuff. You can't be a sad sulking whinger to it, you need to man up, move on and think to yourself this is a new start a chance for positive change, not in fact the end of something. Exercise is really important, it releases endorphins which make you feel great, go out and socialise and most of all start looking for new women - there's 3.5 billion of them out there. Cut the self pity reminiscing bullsh1t and rise like a phoenix from the flames.

 

[afcwolf]

epic ****ing ppl

u guys are the real ****ing deal. **** love counselors w/their lameass degrees. this is where it's at. teach me your ways great ones

i was mega AFC, stopped contact with this girl months ago (she stopped responding tbh, *****es do that to afc's). got a fb bday invite from her friend, mistook her friend for her and sent her a scathing text telling her not to text me anymore.

lo and behold.....i'm browsing round on fb and she's liking things like "u forgive ppl cuz u want them in ur life" and "i reply to texts really fast "

it helps that i've had a few girls post on my fb wall, i kno she sees that too lol

man girls' emotions can be a *****, but when utilized correctly they can be a deadly weapon against themselves.

you guys are ****ing awesome. this forum would put every single "professional" dating coach out there to shame. keeep playin playas

 

[Atom Smasher]

NC day 11..

Was doing good for a while but now I'm back on this low self-esteem, depression bout.. I gave her my whitesox/ cubs tickets before i left for my intern and before eveything went down hill.. I was supposed to take her to the game but since i couldn't go i let her have my ticket. That was monday. Ever since then I've been thinking about that and have been pretty down. I was a little surprised she didn't even text me to say thanks again for the tickets.

If you're in NC then how is it that you gave her a ticket?

NC means NO contact. You are supposed to be flipping the script on her and instead now you find yourself pining away for her even more.

The depression, etc. Is NORMAL and should be expected. It will pass but you must force yourself to go out. You are not your emotions. Your emotions are a natural physiological response, but they are not actually you. Accept that it is going to hurt for a while but it is certain that these feelings will dissipate.

Any and every contact will re-up the depression. Stay NC.

 

[synergy1]

The first six weeks are the hardest, and you'll be going over and over sh1t in your head like a stuck record. Things you did, said or should have done. It fvcks with your mind and self esteem which is why it's really important to keep busy with new stuff. You can't be a sad sulking whinger to it, you need to man up, move on and think to yourself this is a new start a chance for positive change, not in fact the end of something. Exercise is really important, it releases endorphins which make you feel great, go out and socialise and most of all start looking for new women - there's 3.5 billion of them out there. Cut the self pity reminiscing bullsh1t and rise like a phoenix from the flames.

The longer one lingers trying to get back with their ex or whatever, the longer it takes to move on and make something of yourself. I never stuck with NC per say in my situation a few years ago, but decided to take it upon myself to move on anyway. It got exponentially easier as soon as I started only hanging out with my friends, and doing my own thing. (not having a job at the time was brutal since thats a good distraction). and ya, it took a few weeks, 3 or 4, and after that I started getting more women than ever before. Once you are over it, the world really is your oyster. In many ways, I wish I had that feeling of freedom again.

People cite our polygamous nature , but I am 100% convinced that part of nature gave us a strong connection to the women we are with. Its much stronger than people give credit for. For example, my friend claims he has no feelings for the women he gets with, yet he flew thousands of miles to go on a vacation with her. This is emblematic of this forum where we have a lot of guys make it sound like they are tough and can get with lots of women, but at the end of the day long threads like this clearly show that many are still attached in one form or another.

 

[slickone]

YOU are the PRIZE

If you are going to let your ego get in the way of things you are lost in oneitis land.

You are the PRIZE! Time to man up.

We all know that:

She was somebody who clung to your every word

She put YOU on a pedestal

She gave you doggy dish eyes

She would do anything for you

She was your freak

BUT

Somewhere along the line you weren't "attentive" enough. She started to look for somebody else.

Sometimes they will give you signs or a warning, often not.

Just realize that when they try to LJBF or no sex you that this has been weeks or months in the making.

SO

Just when you are ready to put them on a pedestal, be all AFC, stalk them on FB, have oneitis

REALIZE

They are WEAK

They have no loyalty

They went out on you

They went to find new ****

They will lie and "withhold" to not "hurt" you and so you won't "hate" their deceitful asses.

Just when you start missing them realize that they are somebody else's problem.

Know that they are sucking somebody else's **** and f*cking them


NEVER LOOK BACK

Keep moving forward

Don't waste emotion, time, money or energy on them or any thought of them.

The best revenge is to continue to excel financially, socially, and emotionally


CANI - Constant and Never Ending Improvement (Anthony Robbins)

 

[SoSuave666]

If you are going to let your ego get in the way of things you are lost in oneitis land.

You are the PRIZE! Time to man up.

We all know that:

She was somebody who clung to your every word

She put YOU on a pedestal

She gave you doggy dish eyes

She would do anything for you

She was your freak

BUT

Somewhere along the line you weren't "attentive" enough. She started to look for somebody else.

Sometimes they will give you signs or a warning, often not.

Just realize that when they try to LJBF or no sex you that this has been weeks or months in the making.

SO

Just when you are ready to put them on a pedestal, be all AFC, stalk them on FB, have oneitis

REALIZE

They are WEAK

They have no loyalty

They went out on you

They went to find new ****

They will lie and "withhold" to not "hurt" you and so you won't "hate" their deceitful asses.

Just when you start missing them realize that they are somebody else's problem.

Know that they are sucking somebody else's **** and f*cking them


NEVER LOOK BACK

Keep moving forward

Don't waste emotion, time, money or energy on them or any thought of them.

The best revenge is to continue to excel financially, socially, and emotionally


CANI - Constant and Never Ending Improvement (Anthony Robbins)

I like it. I'd like to add that the moment someone LJBFs you, they have completely given up on you. They don't believe you are worth fighting for. Hell, they don't believe in YOU. The best revenge is always proving them wrong. Live your life as a better person. Eventually they will find out you have become better since the break up and it will eat them up. At that point, you won't care.

You wanna give up on me? Bad choice.

 

[GADavid]

It's been a few weeks since my last update. Things took an wild and unexpected turn. The girl I went NC with is back in my life in a major way. Pulling them in and then pushing away seems to work really well! It also helps that I'm not looking for a serious relationship anymore, so things can just be fun. I have learned is that women are crazy and rarely say what they mean.

 

[bigneil]

It's been a few weeks since my last update. Things took an wild and unexpected turn. The girl I went NC with is back in my life in a major way. Pulling them in and then pushing away seems to work really well! It also helps that I'm not looking for a serious relationship anymore, so things can just be fun. I have learned is that women are crazy and rarely say what they mean.

Gee GADavid, thanks so much for this insight into what you did, what she did, and what actually happened. My guess is she texted back "how r u" when you wrote to her.

 

[GADavid]

David, I think what he is saying.... is give details. Without details of how things went down....the post is fairly useless for others trying to learn.

Fair enough. I started NC when my situation with a girl was beyond repair. I got a firm LJBF and then the cold shoulder for quite a few weeks before going NC. I had done every AFC move you could list, even written love letters... basically everything that drives a woman away.

Then I went NC. It was done one random day, without any notice at all; I simply fell off the face of the planet. 5 days into it, she started to text me (she was wondering where I had gone). I responded with concise answers often hours later but made sure it did not come off as being petty.

Then I realized that without concerning myself with talking to her all the time, I had time to get busy with my own things. Now she was getting interested in what was going on in my life suddenly. Have some self control and don't fall into old habits though. Stay distant but friendly. Even if you start talking again, randomly disappear occasionally and do not let yourself be too available.

NC has multiple benefits in my limited experience. First, it allows the woman to forget the bad and start remembering the good. Humans seem to be wired to remember good things and forget the bad. Second and more importantly, NC allows time for you to change your attitude and behavior. Your happiness cannot depend on someone else. Women can smell desperation and seem to know the moment you don't need them anymore. It's fine to want them, but needing them is desperate.

So, my original point was that no case is too hopeless, LJBF is not always the end, and NC is a fantastic tool to use.

 

[Skalioppe]

Then I went NC. It was done one random day, without any notice at all; I simply fell off the face of the planet. 5 days into it, she started to text me (she was wondering where I had gone). I responded with concise answers often hours later but made sure it did not come off as being petty.

The point you are glaringly missing is you DIDN'T go NC. You replied in 5 days, and continued to reply , on demand, every time she contacted you.

Another point too obvious for words that you have missed is she contacted you because she missed her most reliable ego boost, the person that thought her poo was solid gold nuggets, that she should be the Queen of beauty of some large country revered the world over, by you her only subject. That you, believer of her being the greatest woman on Earth, are busy doing the marketing literature to announce it. Yes you, her well trained, unflappable, dial-a-ego-hit admiring Pavlov trained ding-a-ling-a-ling puppy dog admirer.

You do not go from LJBF uber friend-zone to attractive suitor in 5 days. She will not miss you in the way you think in that time. She will not realise anything profound about other than that her selfish responses need a hit, especially after displaying all of the zero value male actions like begging for her back with love letters :crackup: and utter Omega male sh1t like that.

I'm sorry GADavid, but you haven't got a clue, you've learnt nothing, if attraction were the light spectrum with the Red being intense unadulterated lustful, needful attraction and love, then you are stuck firmly at the very edges of the Ultraviolet / X-Rays zone. In fact you're even worse than before because she now knows she can flick her demand switch and you'll come a running, robotic and in full servitude mode regardless of what your intentions to improve yourself may be.

I'm sorry to have to be blunt, but enjoy the cycle of pointless hope you have for you both, whilst you're drowning, clinging to rocks in the maelstrom of unrequited love.

 

[GADavid]

The point you are glaringly missing is you DIDN'T go NC. You replied in 5 days, and continued to reply , on demand, every time she contacted you.

Another point too obvious for words that you have missed is she contacted you because she missed her most reliable ego boost, the person that thought her poo was solid gold nuggets, that she should be the Queen of beauty of some large country revered the world over, by you her only subject. That you, believer of her being the greatest woman on Earth, are busy doing the marketing literature to announce it. Yes you, her well trained, unflappable, dial-a-ego-hit admiring Pavlov trained ding-a-ling-a-ling puppy dog admirer.

You do not go from LJBF uber friend-zone to attractive suitor in 5 days. She will not miss you in the way you think in that time. She will not realise anything profound about other than that her selfish responses need a hit, especially after displaying all of the zero value male actions like begging for her back with love letters :crackup: and utter Omega male sh1t like that.

I'm sorry GADavid, but you haven't got a clue, you've learnt nothing, if attraction were the light spectrum with the Red being intense unadulterated lustful, needful attraction and love, then you are stuck firmly at the very edges of the Ultraviolet / X-Rays zone. In fact you're even worse than before because she now knows she can flick her demand switch and you'll come a running, robotic and in full servitude mode regardless of what your intentions to improve yourself may be.

I'm sorry to have to be blunt, but enjoy the cycle of pointless hope you have for you both, whilst you're drowning, clinging to rocks in the maelstrom of unrequited love.

Nailed her 2 days ago. I must not have learned a single thing here.

ETA:
While the original plan was to go NC in its true form, there was no point to continue it. Day 5 is when she started contacting me. However, I made no meaningful responses for a few weeks. Is there a rule that says one cannot modify NC and use it as a relationship tool? I get that NC is about improving yourself, but I think many, if not most people in this thread are here because they want to get back together with the other person. So why hate a success story? Especially one that involves the LJBF line that so many believe is a lost cause.

What I learned from the brief experiment was that being overly available (a sin I no longer commit) and needy will turn off a woman instantly. Yes, I played the Omega male role for quite a while with her. It was indeed embarrassing. I spent weeks reading nearly every article on this site and putting advise into action and have a new attitude/behavior for it. She is well aware that I am unwilling to feed her ego as I did before. She knows that a call or text may not be returned for hours, days, or at all if I am busy. Completely cutting out the lap-dog bullshat is what made her interest in me return.

But the best thing that I got out of it is that I don't NEED her anymore. Sure I want her and have had a lot of fun since I got her back, but I can walk away at any point and be just fine. The ability to walk away keeps a woman chasing you. Is that not the point? Has self improvement been to quick or insufficient in some way? Part of being a man is the ability to make yourself into whatever it is you desire to be, and that is exactly the change she is attracted to now.

 

[r1971]

Fresh Wound here....Self-Inflicted?

Hi Gents,
Glad to have found this place...
Dating my girlfriend for 1yr 4 months. Both 40 yrs old. She has two young boys and I have one. Her past showed cheating by her ex husband (the boys' dad), which left her with trust issues and not wanting to be or feel controlled.

For the first year, I had needy clingy issues that clashed with her Controlling fears, and I told her I didnt like her seeing her friends when we had such limited alone time. Something snapped in me and I finally realized I was doing this and saw her pull away. So...I stopped and she saw the difference without me saying anything to her about my change. However, we argued a lot, and whenever we did, if I wanted it my way for once, I was accused of controlling her....

Long story short, I moved out last month after major arguments over stuff that was inconsiderate (not cheating)....but it spiraled. There was a mix up and I changed her to It's complicated on FB, and she changed her to Single...tit for tat.

I laid low after I left as I was furious still, but she kept hounding me as to where we stand, etc. I truly am in love with her, so I slowly got back into a groove with her. But my big issue was she would say she loves me, wants me as a huge part of her life with the boys and she loves me more thank anything. But...it was sizzle...I wanted steak. I wanted to see action from her....you know....Don't listen to her words, Watch her Actions !!!

So last weekend, she went out with her girlfriends, and she called me from the place and told me to meet her with my friends, which was cool....I said we'll see, and to ring me when she gets in and I should be back by then and I'll pop over, and added something funny to my msg to her. She just wrote LOL...I rephrased it and she said LOL. Didn't hear from her, and didn't mention it....but she felt I was not pleased.

New guy pops up on her FB page Monday and puts smiley faces, starts liking all her pictures, and likes all her pics from Sat night with her friends...ODD...but I play it cool.

However, during the week, as she pushed me with more loving words and such, I spoke about Actions. Of course, I made up a song as an LOL to tease her about the new guy, "So and So and Girflfriend, sitting in a tree" and wrote lol.....she said he's old, fat, and is the bus driver. HMMMM....

Well, the action I realized would put us in the Public eye and MUTUALLY commit ourself in this digital age, is to put ourselves on our PUBLIC FB pages as In a Relationship, which brings us to yestererday. She said if we know it on our hearts, why do we have to do that again, and she does not want to keep adding it and removing it, especially after our rocky month or so...

However, I pressed on and of course, was labeled controlling, however, I offered to change mine FIRST, and she would right after. She could not do it. I told her if she cannot mutually commit, this is not a good thing and we had choice words.

A few mins later, I realized I went overboard, and wrote her that I feel strongly about this, but I could have phrased it differently. We continued on talking via E-mail and normal talk ensued...she asked when and if she will see me this weekend, etc....and I was refreshing her page, and right there.....was a profile picture of JUST her....the first time since we began dating. When she changed from couple pic to her kids, I swallowed it, and she asked if I liked the pic, and that "at least it wasn't a pic of just her alone"...

I wrote I saw something disgusting and I gotta go. She asked, "Was it my profile pic" and I didn't reply. She has been texting me all day huge texts, but she wants to fix us and try us again and does not want to see anyone else and her life is with me....but she will not budge on the FB Status, which may seem minimal to most, but considering we MET on Facebook and we had that status up there for a long time, bells are going off that something fishy is going on, or she loves me, but deep down, something is off as reflected in her actions (or in-actions !!).

She texted me a few hours ago when I told her we were done because she saw I was not going to give in on this one, and told me she told me I broke up with her and an expletive about it. BUT, I wrote back saying she broke up with me by not wanting to recommit at our age and our long history. Hey, I love her to death, but I need to see MORE than words...in light of the fishy stuff, as well....she needed to know her INACTION ended us.... So, the texting continued a little while longer....

My last text 3 hours ago was for her to "not minimize the importance of this to me", and I didn't like the way she was dismissing something important to me ONCE AGAIN. I ended with, "If your answer is NO, then very simply, my answer is NO"....

AND THE TEXTS FROM HER STOPPED........

And the NO CONTACT begins....I've had practice the past month anyway with that with her.

So....two things:
1. Guys, was I wrong? I know FB status is BS Stuff, but in the context of how we met and how we both use it daily and EVERYONE we each know is on it (plus the odd coincidence)??, and

2. Did I TOAST this relationship by ending it for this, and will she call me ?


Thanks SO much !!
R

 

[r1971]

OK....so even though you say I was controlling and incorrect...I now have to stay NO contact...?

If I told her that her no meant no for me, and she contacts me and we meet......doesn't it look like I'm budging on my words?

 

[r1971]

Dont know...I just dont know if I can trust her now....this is the first time I saw this with a guy doing this in a year, and it started when i moved. I wondered why she wasnt replying to my posts all of a sudden......its the same reason she isnt responding to his......probably so we all don't get suspicious....and thus, the FB Status not being changed !!!

I caught her once sexting a guy around the time she wasn't replying to my posts...so....I have my reasons here, people!

 

[r1971]

FYI...this is what she wrote me on the 28th...


"I love you from the time I met u and still till this day.. let's get one thing straight ..I'm not seeing anyone. Nor do I want to seeanyone else babe.. iwant to try us again.. we have a lot to talk about.."

 

[r1971]

I reforwarded one of her texts from yesterday where she said she loved me, and asked if she just sent it or it got delayed...lol

She wrote back within 5 minutes and said she meant every word she said and wished I was there with her.....so I broke NC in a tricky way, but no harm was done to me, her, or any small farm animals (LOL)...

But seriously....we are talking and will do a face to face with her....
but juggling kids to get private UN interrupted talking time is harder than meeting the Pope !!.....

But I will do that.....
I will not bring up the FB stuff, and leave that to her (I will try hard not to)

Incidentally, this was her thoughts before we stopped communications up to today:

***********************************
Babe..first off..i honestly a d swear i never did anything physcially with any other guy..i have alot of friends of both sexes.. people are gonna comment on things and u cant get upset.. your obsessed with facebok, i go on it for silly quotes and check in places.. we have the same pics up all the time i constantly told asked u for new ones.. ur blowing up and screwing up this relationship over nothing.. we both havethe boys this weekend and instead of fighting they could of be hanging out and we could of rekindled and enjoyed the time together.. but look where u rather be..i didnt start going out more or drinking.. i went out a few times with friends like a always did..sorry if u were not used to that in your past life.. i can or we can have our life and a socal life to ..its normal,but u cant see that.. i want my life with a partner and our crazy boys enjoying life and having fun ..
our stubborness got in the way of so much and it sucks.. im staying off of fb for a while..

i cant control on fb what people comment on.. its not fair that u are getting mad at me for fb crap..seriously.. my life is my kids i dont give a f*** about about anything else

Im telling u now i will not let fb dictate orr prove im in a relationship with anyone anymore..it was in my heart that u were my bf and the man i wanted tto spend my life with..

I couldnt base my weekends and wonder if u were gonna talk to me or make solid pland with me so thats why i hung out with the girls..ii wanted nothing more then too spend my down time with my love..i miss it soo much..

i know it means nothing ..but i love u more than anything,and wanted nothing more than to share my life with you and our boys.. but u hav to spend time together to gett back on track in order to see where our life is going.. im trying but your not budging and your being difficult to communicate with..im sorry if u cant deal with little things that make me crazy..but look in the mirror my friend..u are not perfect.. its our imperfections that brought us together..
***********************************

Thanks for your support