The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[DonJuanit0]

Day 2

I'll just go ahead and write down what I really wanna tell her right now!

Babe, I just wanted us to be together, through all this time we came so close, we did things, we spent some really nice time together, It's been a year since this is happening and I've grown some feelings for you. I know you have feelings for me too, I just can't understand you! I understand that being in a LTR with me is kinda difficult cause I am a man that wants his girl ONLY for him, yes jealously and staff, I've tried to compromise with some things but you don't wanna try at all! You say you wanna be with me but your life can't change, I can't be with you knowing that you are surrounded by men who want to f*ck you, sorry! It's ironic but I have to choose between being constantly hurt by you or by me (the choise I made to end this). You say that you are loyal all this and don't want anyone else, but i simply can't stand this... I tried to lower my standards a bit but you say you can't, you lose your freedom! Maybe it's my fault, but that's who I am... I don't wanna lie, I don't wanna hurt just so I can be with you! I wish you could understand and show me your feelings, cause all this time you don't, you are afraid, I know it, I've seen you letting yourself out but after a while stop! Like you are afraid of something... It's been a year, what do you afraid? We never was in a LTR you could just stop this but you didn't! I should do it, and now we are both like ****!

I think about you, A LOT!

 

[Changing13]

StayStrong,

Congratulations man. I hope you have an awesome trip to South America. I know how you feel. I have always wanted to get to Rio, so, I hope your trip is safe and rewarding. It is a great thing to see how you have transformed for the better with your break up situation. Many who will live this will have a great timeline of your emotions to look upon. The whole process is a great gauge for people that think there is no hope at the end of the sh#t tunnel. You got through it and at times it read like you thought you would never make it. I'm glad to read that you got through it.

You seem like a good dude and you deserve some peace of mind. At the risk of sounding like a sap, I am glad that you stayed strong (no pun intended) and got through it.

Have a safe trip man, and good luck. Let us know how it went.

 

[bleedinglove]

Returned to the forum

i have just read over the things i wrote on here and feel alittle embarrassed but it has learnt me something....

i came on to this forum because my boyfriend left me and i was in a right state over it, i stopped writing on here because we made up and gave it another go... we argued and he split with me again....
this time im not crying, im not being in a state, i have opened my eyes so to speak that he actually treats me like a door mat and i allow it!! my self esteem was zero and all ive done is be a people pleaser and have no love for myself at all!!... yes i have faults but faults im prepared to fix...
so off i go to now.. to enjoy my life and love myself!


Thank you too mk951 atom smasher for your replies! =) xx

 

[staystrong]

Bleeding Love: The mirror is revealing and the truth is bittersweet.

It's bitter because you realize you need to LOVE YOURSELF before any dude, but it's sweet because THATS WHATS NEXT.

your already ahead of most this early. girl you got this, you know what to do.

 

[DonJuanit0]

Day 3

Sadness... I simply can't stop thinking about her! WTF is wrong with me, I never get oneitis over a girl and she has made it! At least I'm not being AFC or something! I told her I want out and don't try to reach me! At least I am holding and I will hold as long as it takes for me to overcome this! SH IT

and yes I can't write in proper english in this post! I'm sorry, I actually use this post for me!

 

[bleedinglove]

Bleeding Love: The mirror is revealing and the truth is bittersweet.

It's bitter because you realize you need to LOVE YOURSELF before any dude, but it's sweet because THATS WHATS NEXT.

your already ahead of most this early. girl you got this, you know what to do.

Thank you for your comment it means alot, the world does have nice guys in it after all =)

 

[NC17]

Day 1: No contact

I've been with my girlfriend for four years, and I just recently found out she was seeing another guy behind my back. When I caught her at his house on Thursday night, I basically broke up with her on the spot, but I also said if she wanted we could talk properly on Monday to do our relationship the justice at least I believe it deserves, for better or worse. There is no way I have forgiven her, but I also don't want to leave so many things open and undiscussed. I probably sound like a huge idiot right now.

Meeting her on Monday will go against the no contact that everyone seems to suggest is of huge importance, so perhaps its really just prolonging the pain? I'm currently hurting pretty bad, feel sick, angry and confused mostly. I feel like starting no contact for two days just to talk Monday is counterproductive, but I'm pretty torn. Either way I will update what happens to keep my thoughts straight. I will definitely need help staying strong going ahead.

 

[SMS 48]

Day 1: No contact

I've been with my girlfriend for four years, and I just recently found out she was seeing another guy behind my back. When I caught her at his house on Thursday night, I basically broke up with her on the spot, but I also said if she wanted we could talk properly on Monday to do our relationship the justice at least I believe it deserves, for better or worse. There is no way I have forgiven her, but I also don't want to leave so many things open and undiscussed. I probably sound like a huge idiot right now.

Meeting her on Monday will go against the no contact that everyone seems to suggest is of huge importance, so perhaps its really just prolonging the pain? I'm currently hurting pretty bad, feel sick, angry and confused mostly. I feel like starting no contact for two days just to talk Monday is counterproductive, but I'm pretty torn. Either way I will update what happens to keep my thoughts straight. I will definitely need help staying strong going ahead.

How did you catch her at his house? What were you doing there?

 

[NC17]

How did you catch her at his house? What were you doing there?

She met this guy recently at her work and they started to become friends, but I soon suspected that by the way she had been acting towards me, they were becoming more than that. We live in a very small town, and it isn't too hard to know where people live or where they are.

I voiced my suspicions and asked her if she was seeing this guy behind my back and she denied it, but at the same time I needed to find out for myself because I didn't just want to be the guy who is blindly cheated on for months on end. So I went by where I knew he lived and boom her car was there. Dumb move or not on my part I'm not sure, but I needed to know for sure if I was going to make an important decision like break up with her.

Typing this out now it is abundantly obvious that no contact should be maintained above all else, as this situation is pretty messed up on both sides and there's really nothing productive left to say or accomplish. At the same time it's already seemingly impossible. Before all this she was the one I would go to with my fears and problems, so I think this is a knee jerk reaction to contact her about this, even though she is the very person who has caused this problem.

Anyways, I'm sure I will get over it in time, I'm just dealing with the shock aspect of it all right now.

 

[SMS 48]

Dumb move or not on my part I'm not sure, but I needed to know for sure if I was going to make an important decision like break up with her.[

It was not a dumb move. You had to verify it was true before dumping on her.

Before all this she was the one I would go to with my fears and problems

Nearly every guy who was dumped or cheated on says this. I think the lesson to be learned is, never trust a girl enough to be vulnerable to her. Sorry if that's negative, but I think reality should take priority here so we don't get too hung up on these evil bloodsucking hos.

 

[Changing13]

Guys,

I need some help here. I have been doing extremely well. I have met other people and have quit counting the days since no contact etc. I was doing great.

I have to be honest though, the last week has sucked. Twice the girl has tried texting me. I ignored both times. That did not bother me. She then tried calling twice Saturday night. This is what is bothering me. I am pissed off. For the record, I did not answer. I am done with it. She didn't want me, I gave her what I thought she wanted. I went ghost.

I guess I am just confused. Why would she do this? I was too damn good to her for her to be doing this. It was my biggest mistake. Too damn good. Uggh, Im just angry now. Just when I think I can let it go, she goes and does this. Have to stay strong though.

I just had to get that out. Thanks.

 

[staystrong]

Changing 13: block her. if it bothers you then block her. I did and it's much better than the constant reminder of the break up.

 

[staystrong]

Why would she do this?

i got a better question and it comes from a place of understanding of this situation. Why the fucckk do you care? it doesn't matter why she's calling you. Your decision to block her is all that matters.

 

[Changing13]

StayStrong,

Yes you are right man. I don't care why she was calling. It just upsets me that she is even calling. She wanted to break up. Well, that is what she got. She is not getting any of me at all and I told her that. Im not a doormat and I'm sure as hell not any emotional support. Screw that, she had that and gave it all up. Like I said I am done, and I meant that. I am going to look into the blocking thing, thanks for the suggestion.

I do appreciate the input.

 

[staystrong]

In California on VA!!!! GO TO CENTRAL aMERICA IN 2 DAYS!!

I've learned a lot about my expectations and needs of relationships through this relaztionship.

One of the greatest things I found out to know if I was truly over her was the song test.

When you can get more into the good songs than the I miss you songs, your over her.

Here are the songs I went from.

Lil Wayne " How to Hate" if your mad at your ex this song is for you

Rascal Flatts ""When The Sand Runs Out" if your ready to move on, this is it.

 

[Thrill Seeker]

Alright, I am up in this motha again, not the thread, but the no contact....yea I ran into her. I was in a better place after two and a half months. I was getting plenty of poonani in the spare time I actually had and I slipped into her trap. Long story short, I will not contact her again. I am going to start a thread/ journal for my own personal journey and will link it back here again.

Day one-second time around. Yes no contact works, but you have to make it work. You cannot just dilly-dally around staring at the paint on the walls and think you will just get over it. The past two weeks have been loaded with b.s. and in some ways more of a bummer than the original break-up. However, it's done now. She doesn't know that. It may be a bit devious but this morning when we spoke she admitted she still wanted to see me, and I said I would call. I knew before I said I would call that I had every intention of going no contact again based on the conversation. I don't think she will be too surprised, but it was the only way to take back hand and the frame---I had it.
It's my life-and she's out of it. The journal will go into the details.

I broke my own rule the last time...I will not let it happen again.

(I did look at stupid facebutt profile the last time, but that is out this time around...crap like that only prolongs the pain.)

Added:
I also changed my phone number today. I left my cell at the house and had thought about changing it previously on an initial gut-instinct. It may end up as a work number eventually, but it is an easy way to just start compiling a new list of contacts. The friends and the worthy will stay, the useless will be purged.

 

[Rationale]

Guys, Why would she do this?

To be honest, that sounds like you're winning the game.

From what I've noticed, a lot of people do NC to make their ex crawl their way back into their lives, and by the looks of it from your case, it works.

I recall you mentioning something in reply to my post about getting satisfaction out of their discomfort - but not in a malicious way. This is one of those situations.

She's realizing she stuffed up and now the spot light is on you to choose the future. It's a good position to be in, FEEL THE POWER!

The way I see it though, if it didn't work once, it won't work again. Feel good about yourself; she's lost out and she knows it!

Get satisfaction out of knowing YOU have the choosing power, not her.

Solid effort man. I'm sure a lot of guys on here would be envious of your position.

 

[Changing13]

Rationale,

Thanks for the reply man. I never went into the no contact thing wanting her back. I did it to show myself I obviously don't need anyone else to make me happy and I don't. I refused to cave into "chasing" her because there is no point wasting your time. I am not perfect in any way, but, I (stupidily now I know) treated her so well. If she didn't want that, then that is her choice and I am fine with that. I just refuse to ever play second fiddle to anyone that I give myself to. I never felt like it was her loss, or my loss, it was in my opinion everyone's loss. I will live well regardless, it just upsets me that you give someone what they say they want and they do and expect the exact opposite. Well, lesson learned. Live and learn I guess.

Again, thanks again for the input. Getting better sucking down that huge red pill one day at a time.

 

[staystrong]

Last post before trip: changing 13. ironic that your name is changing 13, and your last post was the most important message of change and your 13th post.

just saying...,

I'm working on me from now on. If i have fun along the way cool, but a relationship is not what will make me happy anymore, it is me and me alone. The rest will come when this happens.

All my bros reading all my posts, I hope you see that I thought this pain would never go away and I now have completely made it through. It really is worth it to stay strong.

 

[tearh2o]

Broken hearted

My bf of 2.5 years and I just broke up today. He's in his late 30's and I'm in my early 30's. I found out last night that he was still insecure about getting engaged and married one day so I suggested we take some time off (We previously had agreed on a timeline). He wants me to move in and have things move progressively but i would like to be engaged before i move in. I told him that he should be alone and take some time to think about this very important decision and that I can't wait around for him forever. It was basically my way of cushioning the break up for him because he is very sensitive. It was a very peaceful split - no yelling or emotional break downs - he helped me take my stuff to my car (with tears), we both said "i love you" and I drove off.

I sent him an e-mail later today and told him that I needed time without any contact for a few months and that I wouldnt contact him and wished for him not to contact me. And he agreed (kinda sucks) and told me to remember that he loves me to pieces.

So today is day 1 of NC. I deleted his contact info and all pictures of him/us from my phone, suspended my fb account (just for 30 days i told myself). I hope he will come to his senses and pop the question. We had a quite amazing relationship - no arguments for the most part, and just a very loving and supportive relationship. I've known about his commitment phobia through stories Ive been told. He's never been engaged, married or lived with anyone and he was single for 5 years before we started dating. I felt strong most of today but had some very low points. Dear God, give me the strength to get thru this.

Anybody got tricks or ideas on how to make this easier?