The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dap]

my ex GF of 2-3 weeks now ( we dated for a year+)with like 12 days N/c. Friended requested me on facebook a minute later I recieve a msg. "Facebook *myname?? I'm sure you wont accept me but i hope your doing well...but you should accept it"
she broke up with me....and side note i recently reactivited my facebook a couple days ago as an outlet for old girls/new girls I was never friends with her on facebook....
What are people suggestions in this siituation?

Ignore the friend request. Continue NC. A year is a long time, so I know this sucks, but you're doing the right thing. Girls do this kind of thing (friend request, try to break NC, etc) to make the break up easier on them but harder on you. By getting you to break NC, she still gets to keep you around even though you are not dating. This softens the emotional blow to her. But by breaking NC, you get your hopes up and it drags you down. Don't do it.

 

[j0504s]

Ignore the friend request. Continue NC. A year is a long time, so I know this sucks, but you're doing the right thing. Girls do this kind of thing (friend request, try to break NC, etc) to make the break up easier on them but harder on you. By getting you to break NC, she still gets to keep you around even though you are not dating. This softens the emotional blow to her. But by breaking NC, you get your hopes up and it drags you down. Don't do it.

thank you dap this is what i was thinking... I appreciate it.

 

[Mr. Bond]

After doing some NC, improving myself, etc - my ex wanted to hang out. I thought it over for a week or so, and decided to invite her over to my place. I told myself that she was going to play by my rules.

When I saw her, I realized she has the same exact problems she always did. After awhile, I told her she should leave. She agreed.

I'm glad it happened, though. It removed any doubt in my mind. I would say I'm "going NC" now, but "going NC" implies you're tempted to talk to the girl. I'm done with this one, and I'm not interested in knowing her in the future. Best of luck to her and all, but I can and will do much better.

There's no need for me to post in this thread anymore. I've got my closure. Good luck, all.

 

[European-DJ]

My Day 1:

I have been with this Trophy girl of a girlfriend, a real 9, amazing sex, amazing body, amazing looks - and intelligent over the average.

What happened?

I have known this girl for 2 years, and we have had some sort of an story; after being together for almost an year, we broke up for 3 months. The break up was VERY easy for me, but VERY hard on her.

We reinitiated contact after randomly meeting each other at a club, and since then we were once again dating.

From the start she told me she was protecting her heart, because of the effect of the last breakup, so i guess she never really dedicated much to the relationship. We dated for 6 months, and all of the sudden, from one text to the other she ignores me - at first i was fine, but when the ignorance continued the day after (we always text and call, each day, so this was weird), i got desperate, and must have called her 20 times and sent 20 text messages - i didnt' think much about it, because this was my girl (THIS WAS FRIDAY)...

The weekend wen't by, and i got a single text, stating that she loved me, but had been busy, we should meet up and speak monday..
Monday went by, and she never showed up..
Tuesday came, and she called me, at 5PM letting me know she would come to talk; at 9pm she was at my door, and i found out she had been sleeping with this other guy Thursday to Friday, and once again Monday to Tuesday..

I had never been so broken in my life, so i decided to leave - i had very important school work due for wedensday.. all of the sudden, she runs up to me, hugs me, and starts crying, begging me to stay..
After i yell at her, and tell her to leave me due to my homework, she leaves, and we agree to meet up wedensday after she has been to the movies..

the same night, i call her and text her once, no answer..

Thursdag, once again i call her, but still no answer (2 pm); at 5.30pm, 30 minutes before the movie, she sends me a text stating something along the lines of:

"Im sorry European-dj, i am not coming over today, i think it is too hard on both of us :/ .. Sorry"..

Since then, this was yesterday, i have been shattered, but i have attained NC..

This session really hurts, but i know time will heal the wounds; and that she seriously doesn't deserve an answer, nor my thougts...

This will be a hard session of NC, but i will make it, 1st day of 40 today, wish me luck!

//European-DJ

 

[European-DJ]

Day 3

Wow, the last two days just disappeared from me, and honestly keeping busy is the best way to get over an ex.

Yesterday was hard, while i was helping my sister write and assignment, the thought of my "ex" Fvcuking this new guy really made me frustrated; but after reading a great Sosuave post on jealousy, i realize that instead of envying the guy, i should become the person i envy.

-Today was easy, i was together with this cute day for the most of the day, afterwards i filed a police rapport for my stolen iPhone, and no insurance (800$ wasted -.-)..

I guess keeping busy, having something to do, someone to talk with helps - having no phone surely helps me going no contact for real haha..

The worst thing is, i keep daydreaming about the day she comes knocking at my door - this show i still havn't letten go, when theese dreams disappear, i am sure i will be "cured" of this "Heartbreak"

 

[itcantgetworse]

hi just started my nc today ,this is gonna be so hard for me dont know what i done wrong i did ask but dont really get the answers ,mine started when i had affair with my friends wife yeah awfull didnt know i had that in me ,but i did say no for a year refused the non stop advances i got weak gave in went through hell lost 99% of my friends as we had alot of the same friends done all the stuff asked of me should have bailed out then when telling me can and cants ,anyway gave it everything recently i broke my leg all of a sudden didnt wanna know me kept asking whats wrong ,all i got was its your leg lee its horrible seeing you in that cast so sleeping together stopped being invited around got less ,leg out of cast things picked up for a bit ,but i noticed the kids dad was being around the house more so i questioned that said im being silly hes here for the kids so my reply is why not his place so things got a bit heated but nothing major just expressing my thoughts not like he has them alot had them on a friday evening till sat about 12 so that was the only time we got together ,anyway we go for a drink in the pub and i get accused of being jelous etc i said no its about how uncomfortable i am he being around all the time ,the next thing i know she says its over i dont love you nomore ,i said thats weird you was only telling me 9 days ago how much you did and how we would have a nice xmas thats it now my mind is racing not sleeping eating you know all the stuff so unhappy as i really loved her and gave up my life style went through all the pain etc to be told this so im gonna give this no contact ago wish me luck i need it

 

[pinkfl]

My ex and I spoke in person.
I tried to reasonably speak to him but he has convinced himself that I am the enemy. He also told me he hates that I go to swing dance because it is "his" thing. (For the record whenever I have seen him there I have not approached him so the argument that I only go to talk to him is bull). He also said we are not compatible because I like birds as pets and he wants a dog. I told him about the dog I was planning to get and he was like "well maybe this is a bad example but birds freak me out"
He also both fished for information to see if I was dating again and then said he didn't want to know. He told me that I looked great/beautiful at least three times but insisted that he didn't want to get back together.
He also said "you only believe in me now that I got into grad school" and I said "well I always believed in you...but you are the one that left. Don't accuse me of giving up on you when you are the one that left"
At the end he asked if we could work on being friends and I told him no, because I would always want something more.
And then I walked away.

I refuse to put myself in a situation where I would end up performing in hopes of getting his affection back, and I do not want to be used for sex either. He does not get the benefits of a relationship when he isn't committed to one.

so...the happened about a week ago and I really have no desire to speak to him again. I got my closure.

 

[Purefilth]

@itcantgetworse welcome. scroll down, click the link for the DJBible - start reading through.

@pinkfl - I hate to say I told you so, but welcome back to day 1 of NC.
I do have things to say about your conversation, but I dont wanna rip you a new one - Its nearly Christmas after all!!!

 

[ColonyConfused]

Guys.. i've been NC with my ex for 41 days, but today she sent me a message on fb, a picture of our favorite comedy show, we used to see together. what do i do?.. i'm considering reconciliation, but i don't want to seem like a needy guy by responding to her in a wrong way. what would you write to her if you were me?

 

[Purefilth]

Guys.. i've been NC with my ex for 41 days, but today she sent me a message on fb, a picture of our favorite comedy show, we used to see together. what do i do?.. i'm considering reconciliation, but i don't want to seem like a needy guy by responding to her in a wrong way. what would you write to her if you were me?

Nothing.

Let her hamster brain spin about why you haven't replied.
What you are feeling is normal. Just remember, there's a reason you split in the first place. Your relationship is dead.

You're doing well just keep up Nc - its healing time.


Also I would've put her on an ignore list/ removed her completely.

 

[itcantgetworse]

Nothing.

Let her hamster brain spin about why you haven't replied.
What you are feeling is normal. Just remember, there's a reason you split in the first place. Your relationship is dead.

You're doing well just keep up Nc - its healing time.


Also I would've put her on an ignore list/ removed her completely.

i havnt read the details but im asking do people make mistakes and make up ?
well done with the 41 days

 

[Purefilth]

i havnt read the details but im asking do people make mistakes and make up ?
well done with the 41 days

If you're asking if people get back together after NC?

The answer is yes. Perhaps more commonly if the dumper has a change of heart. I've noticed around the 2 week an then 2 month marks there will be contact from the dumper this could be due to missing the partner/ guilt / reaching out for attention.

The make up never lasts long though, once its over, its really over - trust issues occur general nonsense arguments.

NC should ideally be used as healing time - to get back on track, pursue interests and generally start to become happier in yourself, knowing that although you miss the partner at times, life is good.


In moments of weakness I encourage you to post here your thoughts and to focus on the negatives of the relationship. It helps get over the hurt.

 

[ColonyConfused]

Thanks Purefilth, it definitely is healing time, i'm gonna do my best to keep myself from replying to that message, but man, isn't it hard, haha. i got a lot things to study, but appearanly my mind has set her the first priority at the "to think" list. after this 41 days i was feeling a lot better, but now it's like i'm back to 30 days ago.
But i'm on it, and i'm fixing it.

 

[pinkfl]

You cannot expect to get back together. Ever.
Because someone will always be waiting for the blade to drop. Trust is shattered. It will never ever be the same. Think of it like a broken mirror....you can put it back together but the crack remains. If they were committed to you, to the relationship, they would not have left.

They ruined things with you. They hurt you. They forced you into a state where you cannot think straight, where you lost sleep and felt depressed. If you take them back you are showing them that their punishments were acceptable.

When someone is committed they show it with their actions. They do not play games because they will be afraid of losing a good thing.

For me to take my ex back, he would need the work ethic I saw in him three years ago. However all I have seen is that in a crisis....he flails and blames everyone else but himself. So....why should I trust him again?

Keep your heart open ColonyConfused. There is better out there.

 

[Purefilth]

You cannot expect to get back together. Ever.
Because someone will always be waiting for the blade to drop. Trust is shattered. It will never ever be the same. Think of it like a broken mirror....you can put it back together but the crack remains. If they were committed to you, to the relationship, they would not have left.

They ruined things with you. They hurt you. They forced you into a state where you cannot think straight, where you lost sleep and felt depressed. If you take them back you are showing them that their punishments were acceptable.

When someone is committed they show it with their actions. They do not play games because they will be afraid of losing a good thing.

For me to take my ex back, he would need the work ethic I saw in him three years ago. However all I have seen is that in a crisis....he flails and blames everyone else but himself. So....why should I trust him again?

Keep your heart open ColonyConfused. There is better out there.

+1


Keep your heart open but don't wear it on your sleeve. It must be protected. Proper screening is required - look through the rose coloured auora that surrounds every new one you meet. Guarantee their shat stinks :crackup:

 

[alpha_ash]

Why are we supporting this girl pinkfl? She is probably the cause of the break up and blaming it on the guy. Then comes on a forum full of men for support. Absurd.

 

[itcantgetworse]

If you're asking if people get back together after NC?

The answer is yes. Perhaps more commonly if the dumper has a change of heart. I've noticed around the 2 week an then 2 month marks there will be contact from the dumper this could be due to missing the partner/ guilt / reaching out for attention.

The make up never lasts long though, once its over, its really over - trust issues occur general nonsense arguments.

NC should ideally be used as healing time - to get back on track, pursue interests and generally start to become happier in yourself, knowing that although you miss the partner at times, life is good.


In moments of weakness I encourage you to post here your thoughts and to focus on the negatives of the relationship. It helps get over the hurt.

Thank you starting to understand now

 

[itcantgetworse]

all i keep doing is looking at my phone,i so wanna tx her and give her both barrells ,been out again i really am a cast off ,same problem i just dont get it how it fell apart so quick mind is racing and looking back i see things i should have done something about but didnt cause i believed what she said ,feel like telling the whole story and posting it on facebook make her suffer for xmas ,thing is ill be amazed she dont tx me xmas day ill do a charity bet now she will

 

[sadonomspa]

Alright, I take the challenge. Got officially dumped on Tuesday, said she was unsure of what she wanted.

I decided NC right after I spoke to her, didn't make it official just thanked her for being honest and told her I appreciated it.

Next day she messages me if I am okay. I did not respond.

So today would be day 5. Today probably was the worst. I didn't sleep last night and wanted to talk to her. Instead I texted my brother who said " I am doing the right thing and this is like jujitsu, the best offense is to use the other persons weight against them.

Wish me luck guys.

 

[Purefilth]

all i keep doing is looking at my phone,i so wanna tx her and give her both barrells ,been out again i really am a cast off ,same problem i just dont get it how it fell apart so quick mind is racing and looking back i see things i should have done something about but didnt cause i believed what she said ,feel like telling the whole story and posting it on facebook make her suffer for xmas ,thing is ill be amazed she dont tx me xmas day ill do a charity bet now she will

Don't
Nononononono
Nonono
NO!!!
@ SADONOMSPA good luck

@alpha ash - mind your own business. She's here for help and what sort of person won't help someone in need?
This is for those who got dumped, regardless of gender.
If you have nothing constructive to say then move on to another thread.

# beta ash - alpha would mind his own business and not discriminate