The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dude99]

When you get past that point is usually when they come around. My problem is when I like a girl as much as my ex, I usually self sabotage (consciously or sub consciously) any plates that I’m spinning when that happens.

Back in my 20’s I purposely threw a 1 year relationship down the toilet for an ex I had strong feelings for.

Now I would be upfront and say I’m dating someone else, but open to also dating you again; and may the best girl win.

Best way to put it is "I'm dating a new girl now. You take care."
Give her the sense she can't have you. This will trigger her panic/chase mode. She has to know she blew her chance and you do not care.

Telling her you will date her too will tell her you are still hung up on her and feed here ego. That is how she will see it.

 

[narcissist]

Day 25... not going to lie, since Thanksgiving I've been slacking on my daily goals and habits. Im going to start putting in the work again today.

 

[HenBogan]

So day 18...

Just finished at the gym, chatted with a few girls after the class... Fck me some of them are so fit, walked away from a seriously attractive one who wanted to chat whilst talking to another... She can wait..

Played in my first golf competition at the weekend, last one was over 3 years ago.... My goal is to get below 10 by next April...

Took a great gal out Saturday night for drinks and hide the sausage...

But I still miss her hard, I think about her and here I have to admit that I still want her.... Even though she had me on a plate and she has walked away victorious...

But... I am learning more about myself each day, I am now working on accepting into my life that what is positive...

So here's to day 19 and all those others that are yet to pass... Because being alive is a blessing and I am truly blessed to be the man that I am, I hope you are all proud of who you are...

And here's to your day# may each one bring you closer to that what you seek...

 

[bcude]

So day 18...

Just finished at the gym, chatted with a few girls after the class... Fck me some of them are so fit, walked away from a seriously attractive one who wanted to chat whilst talking to another... She can wait..

Played in my first golf competition at the weekend, last one was over 3 years ago.... My goal is to get below 10 by next April...

Took a great gal out Saturday night for drinks and hide the sausage...

But I still miss her hard, I think about her and here I have to admit that I still want her.... Even though she had me on a plate and she has walked away victorious...

But... I am learning more about myself each day, I am now working on accepting into my life that what is positive...

So here's to day 19 and all those others that are yet to pass... Because being alive is a blessing and I am truly blessed to be the man that I am, I hope you are all proud of who you are...

And here's to your day# may each one bring you closer to that what you seek...

You're on the right track and doing well sir. 18 days is still fresh, let it take the time it takes. You will fully heal sooner or later.

 

[bcude]

If you see your ex is badly hurting and willing to change, yet she has been chasing some other guy since?

Think I know the answer lads lol

It's really f.ucking stupid this stuff. Stupid situation that we are all in and dealing with.

Life is a comedy to those that think, and a tragedy to those that feel.

Very simple. You look for actions and not words and see her true intentions right there. Does she also show you the willingness to change by actions or not? It doesn't sound very genuine if she's chasing another guy.
My guess, she's probably badly hurting because she lost her validation, attention and looks for it desperately.

 

[MachinePT]

Sup dudes seeing a pattern here , in wich most cases an ex ends up hooking with your best friend or buddys. How many here had this happening to them?

 

[xplt]

Sup dudes seeing a pattern here , in wich most cases an ex ends up hooking with your best friend or buddys. How many here had this happening to them?

I broke up with an ex gf of 6 1/2 years five years ago. We came together very young, developed different. She wanted family, I wasn't ready for it.

A common buddy of us started courting her already when we still were together - other friends warned me, I laughed it off. Never saw competition in him.

It was three weeks over, I hadn't moved out completely, yet. I came over to pick up some stuff and found both naked on the couch. On MY couch

I gave them the couch as a come together gift. She was pregnant a half year later. Meanwhile they're married, two kids.

I never spoke a word to him. She still reaches out to me every 3-6 months.

When I think about it, there were three ex gf's of buddies who tried to start sth with me...

 

[MachinePT]

I broke up with an ex gf of 6 1/2 years five years ago. We came together very young, developed different. She wanted family, I wasn't ready for it.

A common buddy of us started courting her already when we still were together - other friends warned me, I laughed it off. Never saw competition in him.

It was three weeks over, I hadn't moved out completely, yet. I came over to pick up some stuff and found both naked on the couch. On MY couch

I gave them the couch as a come together gift. She was pregnant a half year later. Meanwhile they're married, two kids.

I never spoke a word to him. She still reaches out to me every 3-6 months.

Yeah we all laugh, but it seem there's is always a friend ready to cross you, over some broad.
So many girls out there, there is no need to bang your friend's ex.

 

[xplt]

Yeah we all laugh, but it seem there's is always a friend ready to cross you, over some broad.
So many girls out there, there is no need to bang your friend's ex.

Sad but true. There are rats who don't know the word loyality. Even when you spend years together.
There's a saying in germany "A c.unt pulls more than ten plough horses".

 

[xplt]

Do you respond to her?

I did reply with a thank you when she sent me birthday wishes. I stopped responding three years ago.
She still tries to initiate. Last one month ago.

I didn't know better back then

 

[dude99]

Do you respond to her?

I had a ex do something similar, and an ex friend who took her side, and turned on me get together with her, I walked away on both of them, her for being poor quality and him for betraying our friendship. Their relationship turned into a complete disaster after about 5 or 6 months, i guess that isnt too much of a surprise when neither of them were loyal, and they both kept reaching out to me for years to come after they split. Her i just ignored and didnt give her any time. Him i tried to be his friend again it took me 2 years to try to give it a chance again but but after the betrayal things were never the same.

I eventually just said that things cant go back to the way they were 'pre-betrayal' it is just a constant reminder of you turning on me and siding with her just because you wanted to get laid.

The fact she stabbed me in the back was bad. She was poor quality. But girlfriends are a dime a dozen. They do that. You dump them with the rest of the trash then you move on to the next one.

But he was a friend since childhood. That betrayal was way harder to swallow. you may be able to forgive but you can never forget. And you keep asking yourself, when will he do it again.

 

[dude99]

Sad but true. There are rats who don't know the word loyality. Even when you spend years together.
There's a saying in germany "A c.unt pulls more than ten plough horses".

Ach scheiße das stimmt.

 

[bcude]

Bros before hoes, the betrayal of a friend stings way worse since we atleast expect a man to know the true meaning of the words honour, loyalty and respect. I cut out a longtime friend from my life who tried to steal the women i was trying to pickup along with other things, just pathetic.

 

[bcude]

You're only human and attractive women can certainly screw with our heads and validate our ego. Thing is, in your head you describe her as the most attractive woman you've been with, which then pedestalizes her in your mind, she's 'different' from the rest and the scarcity mindset kicks in which makes you behave less rational and more emotional. A place where men don't take the best decisions generally. If you're still checking up on her, you haven't cut the bond to her fully yet. Maybe even some hope left? How are your options when it comes to women?

It's genuine when words and actions align, over an extended period of time. You will notice that. Otherwise it's just for herself, the breakup is a sense of loss for her as it is for every healthy human being.
When she's chasing another guy at the same time as she's pining over you, what does that tell you? Does it sound like she realised she made the biggest mistake of her life and want to have your babies and noone else's in the future?

The same thing that led to the breakup will repeat itself over again, if not one or both of you really work on yourselves solving the potential issue during the time apart. Problem is, working on yourself is hard and takes motivation. A motivation only the dumpee usually experiences since pain and trauma are the best motivators for change to happen. It's never advisable to go back, sometimes it can work when external factors have been the issue but it's more the exception then the rule and not a good investment of your precious time.

 

[narcissist]

Day 31

 

[goodbyehorses]

The onus is on her to reach out. She broke it, she needs to fix it .

This is right. In my case though, I was the one who broke it but feel no onus, except to what I owe to myself.

Day 53.

I was very busy last weeks and hanging up with some girls. But I'm at home with a bad flu now, and thoughts of her are eating me. I don't feel like I'm healing at all. Still 37 days to go for me, I hope I will begin the psychotherapy I asked for in the meantime. But I doubt that I will manage to keep NC after the 90 days if I will feel like now. I'm not saying I would like to hang up with her again but I have this devouring need to express my feelings.

In November there'll be a meeting I will moderate, to which she might come along with some of her friends we now have in common. If she will be there I really don't know how I will manage to stay whole.

 

[narcissist]

day 40

 

[dude99]

day 40

Stay strong!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah we all laugh, but it seem there's is always a friend ready to cross you, over some broad.
So many girls out there, there is no need to bang your friend's ex.

It happens due to respect.

 

[dude99]

It happens due to respect.

Or lack of it.