The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dude99]

I’d been officially broken up since March 12 but I have a confession. I’ve been sneaking around seeing her since then off and on. I’d try to go no contact and she’d reach out. We’d hangout and have the best time and we’re getting along awesome, I thought maybe we’d get back together. Stupid I know but this girl was addictive! Never been like this over a broad before. It got to where we would argue a lot the last few weeks, stupid ****. It was like a pattern. We’d hangout and have fun, she’d start a fight a few days after. We’d smooth it over in a couple days and hangout again. Then she said “you know all we are ever going to be is friends right?”. That was a gut punch. I told her to never contact me again three days ago and I doubt she will even though she always did before. I had never used those words to her but I am sure it caught her off guard and she knows I’m serious.

Sucks cause I really am gonna miss the times I had with her when things were normal. I broke a lot of rules for her and I paid the price for it.

Then she said “you know all we are ever going to be is friends right?”.

What she was saying was "thanks for the validation. Putting you through all this emotional ups and downs has kept me entertained, but I'm waiting for a better option."

Hard next.

 

[bcude]

okay i got a situation here where i'm confused.
I've been in complete NC 4 months and 10 days after she dumped me, a pretty insecure, low self esteem woman.
The other day she called me once out of the blue 2 days after her birthday, i didn't answer.
Now, i read everywhere around here ignoring is the right move to keep her guessing/spin that hamster and "punish" her disrespectful behavior of breaking up and at the same time make her work for me if she wants something substantial.
Although i've heard from two other "dating" sources ignoring her makes her feel belitteld and you look like a suffering beta which only makes her angry, and makes you look butthurt to not even be open to answer a phone call months later. And being hurt is exactly her view of me after she dumped me (for obvious reasons).
Her anger is the opposite of what we want if we want to increase the chances of potentially getting back, so what's the best course of action here if you want to showcase change? My gut tells me it was good not to answer immediately but i can call her up now days later on my terms and ask what she wants. I'm really unsure over this.

 

[bcude]

Thank you Mauser96, good insight.
I have to clarify some thoughts. She ignored my birthday 1 month after NC was initiated so i really don't think she expected me to reach out on hers. I'm pretty confident it was more a case of her realising she's getting 1 year older, panicing about no options in her life to see if i'm still there. The thing is though that one phone call is nothing, if she really wants to speak with me she can try again since people are busy. I think it's normal. My intention is not to keep ignoring and answer next time, my intention was just to let her sweat a little to show i'm not there when she needs it anymore. It's about being a challenge and work for my attention, which she apparently wants in some shape or form.

 

[DreamAgain]

Thank you Mauser96, good insight.
I have to clarify some thoughts. She ignored my birthday 1 month after NC was initiated so i really don't think she expected me to reach out on hers. I'm pretty confident it was more a case of her realising she's getting 1 year older, panicing about no options in her life to see if i'm still there. The thing is though that one phone call is nothing, if she really wants to speak with me she can try again since people are busy. I think it's normal. My intention is not to keep ignoring and answer next time, my intention was just to let her sweat a little to show i'm not there when she needs it anymore. It's about being a challenge and work for my attention, which she apparently wants in some shape or form.

Dude ignore her, you need to cleanse this hoe from your life and go after new, better women.

She blew the one strike rule and now has to pay for it by never hearing from you again.

Take this as advice from someone who recovered from deep, deep oneitis and was on the verge of despair. I know what I'm talking about here, I have the scars in my mind and heart that are slowly recovering day by day. But that entails cutting off the poison completely, and you need to do the same.

 

[soulforge]

So guys I am the one who dumped her.

Mostly because her past was too sleazy for my liking.

01.Nude Dancing
02.Nude Modelling
03.Involvment in pornography
04.Cocaine Use
05.Still in close contact with her ex pornographer

I think we both had come to conclusion that it wouldn't workout, because I didn't trust her one bit.. And she could sense it.

Anyhow i was pretty gutted for a good while after I dumped her.. Probably because i did like some parts of her personality, also because she was hot as faaaark.

I think because I did the dumping, the break up feels a little easier, than if she had dumped my azz.

She agreed with the breakup.. But hey I was expecting her to agree with it.

I still feel down about it occasionaly... However in the long run, I know I did the right thing, as damaged/broken woman like these, can completely ruin a man.

Keep soldiering on guys.. You will all make it.

Also... Stop caring about woman.. Giving a shyte about them is what lands you in this hell hole in the first place.

 

[Firestar786]

90 day update

So after around 2 months I didn't bother to post anything on this forum. Mainly because in some respects I had moved on past the shock, denial and depression stage. I did have to endure an unhappiness for 2/3 weeks knowing that she isn't coming back and the relationship will never make amends.

Anyhows, since then I do not really think of her, I don't really care who is f*cking and I couldn't care less about anything else.

It feels like a new me, a new start especially since I have been talking to a different girl who on the face of it, is 100x better.

So for anyone else going through no contact, chin up, and keep going through it. There does come a time i.e 90 days like where I am where you finally understand that the b1tch isn't really worth it and it was probably a better thing you broke up.

Looking back on the old me and thinking of the amount of sh1t I put up with for the sake of being with her, how much I helped her, done for her and so on makes me glad it is over as no more precious time is wasted.

Now the b1tch is suffering from maybe the grass wasn't so greener on the other side but... what can you do?

So good luck to everyone here going through this ****, it does really really get better with time providing you just be patient and take things easy.

 

[HenBogan]

Hey Guys,

We broke up 6 days ago, Saturday night, she did everything but say it... So I gave her, her key back and took mine...

She messaged me the next day Sunday saying she hadn't been up long and wasn't finding it easy at all...

She then messaged me at 1am saying that she missed me so very much..

I caved and said I missed her around 10am...

I heard nothing back until after work which was how did your job interview go? X

I ignored it..

Then she messaged me the next day asking if I had blocked her?x...

I ignored it...

 

[dude99]

Hey Guys,

We broke up 6 days ago, Saturday night, she did everything but say it... So I gave her, her key back and took mine...

She messaged me the next day Sunday saying she hadn't been up long and wasn't finding it easy at all...

She then messaged me at 1am saying that she missed me so very much..

I caved and said I missed her around 10am...

I heard nothing back until after work which was how did your job interview go? X

I ignored it..

Then she messaged me the next day asking if I had blocked her?x...

I ignored it...

Just keep ignoring her. She will look for validation periodically here and there, don't mistake it for her wanting to get back together. She may even say she wants to but it is only for her ego and her entertainment.

I live by the rule of one chance per lifetime. She just blew her chance with you. Ignore her from this moment forward. Nothing good will come from answering her. It will delay your healing and toy with your emotions.

Women that want the breakup need to learn there are consequences to their decisions. If you answer her or chase her or try to get her back you will just be rewarding her for her bad behaviour.

Ignore, delete, no reply from this moment forward

 

[HenBogan]

Day 7

Saturday night...

3 messages...

One said....Can I come over

It's hard but I've ignored her...

 

[HenBogan]

So on the evening we split, I get a notification that she has liked one of my insta posts... So I look at her account..

She has started following a guy she was sleeping with earlier this year, this guy was messaging her when we first got together... Trying to get with her etc, she showed me the messages at the time... She had even told the guy that she was with someone...

It just felt like a dagger...

 

[HenBogan]

Seems she just liked yours so you would look at her account? So she is a game player and is relishing in the drama.....

In light of this, block her on all social media platforms, for your benefit. Continue NC

Until/Unless the contact you receive is "I am so sorry, I made a huge mistake. Can we talk" …………….no need to respond.

Thank you...

I wasn't sure if it was a I've moved on or make me jealous thing...

You are 100% on the drama.... Thank you for your time and insight...

She doesn't know that I saw it, I immediately unfollowed her on insta but, I added 4 new women on mine who had requested to follow me.

 

[dude99]

So on the evening we split, I get a notification that she has liked one of my insta posts... So I look at her account..

She has started following a guy she was sleeping with earlier this year, this guy was messaging her when we first got together... Trying to get with her etc, she showed me the messages at the time... She had even told the guy that she was with someone...

It just felt like a dagger...

This is part of the NC. you delete their social media. You dont look, you dont follow. This is delaying your healing when you look. Block her.

Women compete for mens attention. She thinks you will do the same when you notice her following another dude. Do not feed it. Focus on yourself.

When she broke up, this dude was probably the reason. Asking you if she can come over ? Was for her. Not to help you. She blew her chance. She wants to feed her ego and get validation and turn the tables. "Oh i miss you. i'm hurting. Can i come over?" All while tugging on your heart strings, then if you cave and feed her ego she feels better about knowing you are still on the string, and then she drops the " oh i just want to be friends." After she feels better about herself. Remind yourself, she wanted the break up. You owe her nothing.

Ignore. Delete. Dont feed it. Block her on social media. Focus on you.

 

[Robert28]

You are welcome. Women who like games and drama are usually afflicted with a personality disorder, or as we sometimes say "damaged"

Fvck 'em, you don't need the stress and drama. But PLEASE, keep us posted - it is how we all learn.

In my experience they WILL like a “good guy” that is “different” than what they’ve dated or fvcked in the past. The problem is they get bored with them fast but they won’t let them go, in the friend zone to be strung along is where they end up.

 

[Robert28]

For sure. But they can't help themselves, they always revert to games and drama, because of the "boredom" factor or because they are damaged goods.

I’ve also noticed that 90% if these women “suffer” from anxiety and/or depression. They admit it eventually (usually around the 3-4 month mark) and it just gets worse and worse as time goes on. You think “ahhh this doesn’t seem so bad” and by month 6-7 you’re thinking “holy crap what have I got myself into, this got worse FAST!”

 

[HenBogan]

Day 9

I missed her a lot this morning, even though I have a lot of women interested in me at the moment they don’t hold any sway.

I have to accept that I will feel this way and time is a healer.

Do I wish I had responded over the weekend, yes I do… Am I glad I didn’t respond; it’s hard to say but I am actually a dam good catch, I know my worth, I just have to believe that.

9 days ago I had to turn up at her house after 2 1/2 weeks apart because she kept trying to avoid meeting me, 7 days later she sends me 3 messages…

Baby where have you gone? You turned your back…

Can I come over?

Thanks for ignoring me….

 

[dude99]

Day 9

Baby where have you gone? You turned your back…

Can I come over?

Thanks for ignoring me….

All manipulative tactics to try to draw you in.
Draw you in to fight? Perhaps. Draw you in to validate her? For sure? Draw you in to mentally screw up your healing? For sure. Dont feed it. It is just for her. All to make her feel better.

Remember you owe her nothing.

She ignored and avoided you for 2.5 weeks and she doesn't like being treated the way she treated you..... remember that.

 

[dude99]

I’ve also noticed that 90% if these women “suffer” from anxiety and/or depression. They admit it eventually (usually around the 3-4 month mark) and it just gets worse and worse as time goes on. You think “ahhh this doesn’t seem so bad” and by month 6-7 you’re thinking “holy crap what have I got myself into, this got worse FAST!”

It is part of the cluster b system

Phase 1, love bomb
Phase 2, show a little vunenerability and past hurts. Makes you fall for them faster. They know this.
Phase 3, allow you in..tell you about how much they have been victims of past monsters. Turns on your hero switch. Makes you their white knight.
Phase 4. Make like a victim with you. Pretend now you hurt them. But pretend to be understanding and know you would never hurt them on purpose.
Phase 5. Turn you into the new monster in their lives and everything suddenly becomes your fault.

What you described above was phase 2.

 

[bcude]

Thanks for the clarification, I think you are handling it well.

Did she have the option to leave a message? If she did, and didn't leave a message. keep that in mind.

If you get talking to her, she WILL likely say "why didn't you call me back?"

And you say " You didn't leave a message asking me to"

Following up on this so we all can learn hopefully.
I did call her today, exactly 2.5 weeks after she called me (i didn't answer after 4 months NC).... and she says: "oh i called you by mistake and didn't know if it got through or not but i guess it did" (Yeah right lol). I replied i've been travelling (true story), to what she responded but didn't you have your phone with you, implying why it took me such a long time to call back.
Me: of course i had. <- if she called by mistake she wouldn't care if i call back or not and point this out.
Then she says... but it's good to hear your voice. <- more confirmation that she didn't call by mistake. Again, why would she say this if she didn't want anything to do with me since she broke up. No she couldn't wait and is inviting further contact imo.

Then light convo where she asks me about my family and how i'm doing etc etc.
Next funny moment where she asks if i've been to her city, where i reply yes, i ran into her best friend there so i'm sure she knows about it.
She then says "no, so did you meet up with her or what?" (like a date) i'm like wtf no i ran into her by chance at a festival and then she says "oh right i have some vague memory about that" (haha... sure.. your best friend runs into your ex and you have a vague memory about that but you have the best memory when it comes to everything else). I see this as some kind of women language: "so you went to my city without contacting ME? i'm frustrated/dissapointed about this since i'm not first priority to you."
Then back and forth, i got her laughing a few times and it was kinda light and superficial but i wanted to communicate i'm doing this and this now because i got alot of motivation from the breakup to better myself basically (true story [working out a ton is one of them]) and have been moving on with my life and she was like wtf, laughed and didn't seem to understand that a breakup gives you motivation to better yourself but said a few times she's happy i'm doing well (probably not happy). Then i told her i need to go and she was okay, alright and we hung up.
Think i handled it pretty well. Her motive?
I don't know but I guess NC made her hamster spin out of control of curiosity and to see how i'm doing/handling the breakup, if this is "breadcrumbs" i have no clue about either but maybe more experienced posters can tell.
My plan is not to contact her again until i'm in her city and suggest to "catch up" in about 1 month but i'm curious if she will follow this up.

 

[dude99]

Following up on this so we all can learn hopefully.
I did call her today, exactly 2.5 weeks after she called me (i didn't answer after 4 months NC).... and she says: "oh i called you by mistake and didn't know if it got through or not but i guess it did" (Yeah right lol). I replied i've been travelling (true story), to what she responded but didn't you have your phone with you, implying why it took me such a long time to call back.
Me: of course i had. <- if she called by mistake she wouldn't care if i call back or not and point this out.
Then she says... but it's good to hear your voice. <- more confirmation that she didn't call by mistake. Again, why would she say this if she didn't want anything to do with me since she broke up. No she couldn't wait and is inviting further contact imo.

Then light convo where she asks me about my family and how i'm doing etc etc.
Next funny moment where she asks if i've been to her city, where i reply yes, i ran into her best friend there so i'm sure she knows about it.
She then says "no, so did you meet up with her or what?" (like a date) i'm like wtf no i ran into her by chance at a festival and then she says "oh right i have some vague memory about that" (haha... sure.. your best friend runs into your ex and you have a vague memory about that but you have the best memory when it comes to everything else). I see this as some kind of women language: "so you went to my city without contacting ME? i'm frustrated/dissapointed about this since i'm not first priority to you."
Then back and forth, i got her laughing a few times and it was kinda light and superficial but i wanted to communicate i'm doing this and this now because i got alot of motivation from the breakup to better myself basically (true story [working out a ton is one of them]) and have been moving on with my life and she was like wtf, laughed and didn't seem to understand that a breakup gives you motivation to better yourself but said a few times she's happy i'm doing well (probably not happy). Then i told her i need to go and she was okay, alright and we hung up.
Think i handled it pretty well. Her motive?
I don't know but I guess NC made her hamster spin out of control of curiosity and to see how i'm doing/handling the breakup, if this is "breadcrumbs" i have no clue about either but maybe more experienced posters can tell.
My plan is not to contact her again until i'm in her city and suggest to "catch up" in about 1 month but i'm curious if she will follow this up.

Her motive is bread crumbs. She put her toe in the water to see how you would react. She is looking for validation, seeing if you are still on the hook. She wants to see if she still owns you, And also looking to see if she can stir old feelings and get back in your head.

If you "catch up, or contact her in a month," this will stroke her ego and give her what she is looking for.

If i were you i would just carry on with my life. If you happen to be in her city, call her friend. Meet her friend. Go for coffee with the friend. Ignore the ex. If the ex happens to "accidently" call again treat her with absolute indifference.

 

[bcude]

Her motive is bread crumbs. She put her toe in the water to see how you would react. She is looking for validation, seeing if you are still on the hook. She wants to see if she still owns you, And also looking to see if she can stir old feelings and get back in your head.

If you "catch up, or contact her in a month," this will stroke her ego and give her what she is looking for.

If i were you i would just carry on with my life. If you happen to be in her city, call her friend. Meet her friend. Go for coffee with the friend. Ignore the ex. If the ex happens to "accidently" call again treat her with absolute indifference.

Sure, but isn't a meetup something we want here? I mean that's where the re-attraction most likely can happen, where she can see you and feel you in a different light etc.? That's what the common advice seem to suggest when exes reach out -> ask to meet up or proceed into NC again = you get what you want.
I don't know what contacting the friend would do other than stir up bad blood.