The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Colette]

I want to be with her again, can i say something or just do the no contact? we are going to have lunch, i will keep it short and casual..

go for lunch and tell her how you feel and you want to be with her, if she say yes `, that is great. If say no , go no contact and never beg her .
you should try to win her back first and if she say NO then you know you did what you could.

 

[Firjah]

go for lunch and tell her how you feel and you want to be with her, if she say yes `, that is great. If say no , go no contact and never beg her .
you should try to win her back first and if she say NO then you know you did what you could.

how can i win her back? any tips???
every time we are great all happiness, she feels bad then starts to be distant.

im thinking in going to a psychologist renovate my soul or something like that,
i have tried, we are both lesbians she left me because of god, 6 months ago however during all this time we have seen eachother, kissed, made love, she said she didn't rly like girls then next day she is saying she misses me, or that she misses when i would take care of her, y'know that kind of stuff, next day she remembers god and starts to be distant again, yesterday before she arrived, we have small emotional fights, we have said "bye" many times then next day we are like if nothing happened, yesterday i was going to her house then she randomly told me the best was to not see us anymore (we were not seeing each other!) because she still have feelings for me, then arrived to my place, we cuddle and it ended in sex =l and today she has started to be a little bit distant

-_-

 

[narcissist]

yeah tell her `` last night was great``. Then wait for her reaction.

Horrible advice

 

[narcissist]

go for lunch and tell her how you feel and you want to be with her, if she say yes `, that is great. If say no , go no contact and never beg her .
you should try to win her back first and if she say NO then you know you did what you could.

Holy sh1t more bad advice

 

[narcissist]

I sent her a text saying "last night was amazing, i loved how you made me feel, just saw some scratches you left me on my back"


she only replied "you had those scratches already!"


now she is acting weird and kind of distant lol

Told you not to say anything

 

[petitefri]

so i am back to day 1.
i was on 18 and gave up and sent an email that said i enjoyed the relationship and learned a lot from it as well but i am now moving on.
why i did this? cos the last time he was breaking up with me on the phone, i cried, begged and ****, and ended up hanging up on him. guess i was just letting him know i am not coming back. i ahem a few dates arranged and been on a couple already.
still hurts but i will get to day 31 this time... and then i will decide to get to another 30.. etc.

 

[Colette]

Holy sh1t more bad advice

Sometimes one should hit rock bottom to be able to bounce back. I hope you understand what I mean , if someone is obsessed with a relationship, he or she should go until the end and either get what they want or get rejected to death. There is no between.

 

[narcissist]

I want to be with her again, can i say something or just do the no contact? we are going to have lunch, i will keep it short and casual..

go for lunch and tell her how you feel and you want to be with her, if she say yes `, that is great. If say no , go no contact and never beg her .
you should try to win her back first and if she say NO then you know you did what you could.

Sometimes one should hit rock bottom to be able to bounce back. I hope you understand what I mean , if someone is obsessed with a relationship, he or she should go until the end and either get what they want or get rejected to death. There is no between.

Lol. I am sorry but I am going to have to disagree. There are a couple of reasons why I believe that you are wrong.

1] Even if Firjah goes and begs for the relationship back, which is the most degrading thing she can do, and lacks COMPLETE self respect, AND her partner DOESNT reject her but actually gets back with her, IT WILL END UP THE SAME AS IT DID BEFORE OR EVEN WORSE. The relationship is ALREADY done. It is already FVCKED. No point in trying to BANDAID an AMPUTATED arm. Time to MOVE ON! Go out and become a BETTER HUMAN, that is was life is all about!

2] WHY on EARTH would you want to be with somebody that has such a lack of interest in you that they BROKE UP WITH YOU!? THAT is settling. There are LITERALLY BILLIONS of people out there that are a BETTER MATCH. By going back and professing your love for your ex, someone that doesnt want to be with you, you are perpetuating a toxic relationship that will bring NOTHING but negativity.

3] At the end of the day this relationship is OVER. If you end up getting back with her/him it will be SHORT-LIVED, meaning it wont last long. She will eventually dump you again! So you are PERPETUATING your own healing!!!! Better to GET OUT and MOVE ON and thus HEAL and become a better version of yourself, than toil away emotionally in a broken relationship!!!

4] IF you are that fragile of a person to have to beg for a person back, especially an ex that dumped you Because you place all of your HAPPINESS in this person then YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT GET BACK WITH THEM. WHY? because you have ALOT of soul searching and betterment to accomplish before you even consider a relationship. Read this over and over and over: you are not ready to be in a relationship unless you are HAPPY TO BE BY YOURSELF, unless YOUR HAPPINESS COMES FROM WITHIN and NOT FROM EXTERIOR PEOPLE!!!
Do NOT jump into a relationship unless you have become the best version of yourself! Sure have secks with women, and talk to plenty of them, for how else will you get good with them, right? BUT dont COMMIT until you are happy being on your own!

5] She dumped you! confessing your love is only going to make her WAY more turned off then she was before! She will see it as DESPERATION! Women dont like desperation! Better to just go there and feign happiness and contentment! She will be more turned on by the fact that YOU DONT NEED HER! And this will possibly make her interested again

6] As for the rock bottom prospect I believe that she has ALREADY hit rock bottom if she is going to go back and BEG for someone to provide her with happiness because she cant generate it herself!

The most important thing you need to read:

YOU DO NOT NEED HER TO BE HAPPY. The fact that you feel like you NEED HER shows me that you have A LOT of work to do. You need to get over her FOR YOURSELF! Go out and BETTER YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN LIFE. Do no contact for you!

GO OUT AND LEARN TO GENERATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS!!!!! Stop getting it from OTHERS! or you will truly end up disappointed THROUGHOUT LIFE!



Be positive, wake up bright and early, have a clean house, meditate, workout, gain confidence, build good habits, grow a legacy, master a hobby, read books/journals relentlessly, chase knowledge and wisdom, eat healthy, and BY GOD don't look for happiness in another person!


Firjah its over accept it and move on. You are PROLONGING your healing process!

 

[narcissist]

how can i win her back? any tips???
every time we are great all happiness, she feels bad then starts to be distant.

im thinking in going to a psychologist renovate my soul or something like that,
i have tried, we are both lesbians she left me because of god, 6 months ago however during all this time we have seen eachother, kissed, made love, she said she didn't rly like girls then next day she is saying she misses me, or that she misses when i would take care of her, y'know that kind of stuff, next day she remembers god and starts to be distant again, yesterday before she arrived, we have small emotional fights, we have said "bye" many times then next day we are like if nothing happened, yesterday i was going to her house then she randomly told me the best was to not see us anymore (we were not seeing each other!) because she still have feelings for me, then arrived to my place, we cuddle and it ended in sex =l and today she has started to be a little bit distant

-_-

You dont "win" her back.

You move on and become a better person! She dumped YOU! Stop perpetuating your own PAIN. She is stringing you along so she can WEEN off of you slowly. Once she feels COMPLETELY over you she will be gone forever. And you will be left alone in a pit of anguish.

Just be done with it. Move on. Save your emotions while you can, and become a stronger person in the process!

And truly do NO CONTACT! No more of this going to sleep with her and what not, or coffee meetings!

 

[Noyou]

Fir,

The last 2 gents who talked on here. LISTEN TO THEM!

I begged and pleaded my ex to get back with me because of the reasons they said. I made a mistake and put all my happiness into her, NOT MYSELF!

Poured my heart out at her, etc.

Then I sat down and thought to myself after it was said and done, and watched from afar how things unfolded.

What I saw was this and how it relates to everyone else here:

Problem 1. I was weak. I was a 6'4'' guy that was 266 lbs and I was pleading a 5'4'' "woman" to get back with me.

Answer 1. In 3 months I've become a stronger, more charismatic guy via my new workout and diet and my new job that I'm beasting at. I'm glad it happened

Problem 2. I thought she was the one for me. This woman had a nice curvy body, big breasts, a cute smile, etc

Answer 2. There was ALOT (Not an exaggeration here) of baggage that came with her. Mother issues, commitment issues, insecurity issues, responsibility issues, hygiene issues. Just to name a few. Even if the sex was good once and awhile and her body was what I wanted, the price isn't worth the trouble after looking at it as a whole. Other women out there with what you like both tangible and not.

Problem 3. But I cant live without you, you make me happy

Answer 3. You can be happy on your own. Your own unhappiness stems from your life being unfulfilled. You once were by yourself, and happy, you can get there again.

Problem 4. But.....I won't get any sex.

Answer 4. For a bit you won't, not until you get your **** together. I'll be the first to tell you, once you get your life together. Women come at you in droves.

Problem 5. She'll see she made a mistake in leaving me

Answer 5. Of course! But that doesn't matter here. What matters is you and your happiness. You tried to make her happy, but you can't make someone happy. She might have problems of her own, maybe she thinks she doesn't deserve you, maybe she thinks she can get someone better.

I'll put it like this, a before an after

Before the breakup:

266lbs, not muscular, 40% body fat, had a 8.00/hr part time job, spent most days with ex, lived at home, cared for her, bought her things with my spare money, trying to find a job with my college degree.

After the breakup:

225lbs, 17% Body fat, 25/hr job full time with TONS of overtime, spend most days bettering myself and going to meetings, care for myself and my body, getting into hobbies I used to do (drawing and model making), enjoying the finer things in life, buying nice clothes (which I get comments on from both men and women), had sex with 4 different women all of them gorgeous (even one of them wants to be FWB!)

Here is the thing. I took a good month to sit down and REALLY go NC, REALLY not care, and REALLY self evaluate.

You need to do this for you. Your exs are probably selfish, lying, cowardly, slutty backstabbers, and you need to treat them as such. YES you had good times, but the thing is, you tried your best and they don't want you.

**** them.

To you, you aren't about that bull****, they are all about that bull****.
Life is too short to be dealing with that ****.
I spent 2 months worrying about some lying, weak, slutty little girl who doesn't know what she wanted, and that is time I won't get back and could have used it more productively.

DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE!

 

[Dtsm3]

^ Dude, that is a very inspiring statement! And 100% true!

My story, I was with a women for over 13 years, she was the most lazy, miserable, moaning, complaining, selfish sack of **** anyone in the world would have the misfortune to know. I spent all that time working hard 70-80 hour weeks not enjoying life, to try and make her happy. What did I get for my efforts????? No sex at all for over 4 years, I was miserable, she blamed me for her unhappiness, she never helped me, she didnt care about me, she complained we never spent anytime together, and everything I did I did for her. Then one day I had enough and left. And she still blames me for her miserable life!

Me... I have had sex with 7 women in the last year, ive been more active and social then ive been my whole life. And despite some really really **** days, I'm far happier with who I am and dont regret any decisions.

Yes, since then I've dated two women I ended up liking and started to have feelings for, and that didnt work out and hurt me.......BUT! What did that teach me???

Women are all liars! they tell you what they want and its a lie!

I Like who I am! And if any women wants to be part of my life, and all the great things I have to offer, they will have to accept me for who I am.

Remember!!!!!!!!! If someone cannot accept you at your worst (including all your faults) they DO NOT deserve you at your best! IT IS THEIR LOSS FOR BEING SHALLOW MINDED AND SELFISH!

 

[Uncharted]

Day 13 - day went fantastic so far but had a little hiccup around 12:30.. so I came on here just to remind myself. Keep it going...

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day 374!

What you guys fail to see is what I've failed, Narcissist failed, and so many more have failed and will fail:

She dumped you for whatever reason that is beyond your understanding!

You can never understand why. Each situation is unique for that matter. But for that matter only, because, at the end of the day it does not matter why.

What does matter is that she don't want to be with you no more, and there is nothing you can do about it but accepting it. It may hurt (and it does) but there is no winning back. It is over, at least for her.

If you beg and plead, she might take you back for pitty, but as Narcissist said, it will be short lived.
If you act cool and aloof, she might regret her loss and take you back, but it will also be short lived, because it is an act, and because it was over for whatever reason before, and that sh*t will come back.

The fact is, when a girl dumps you, she already dumped you in her own mind couple of months before.

The only thing to be done, is to accept the loss, accept the pain, and live on. I'm not telling it is easy, I'm not telling it is fast, and I have not said move on. I've said live on.

You must learn how to live again. Jaded and Heartbroken.

You will then meet some other people. Meaningless people. Interesting people...
...No one as her! Someone almost as her! But you'll keep on living.

I'd like to add some of my personal experience. In my situation, I've met a girl afterwards, and I've done the exact same things my ex done to me. In such minimal details. Not in purpose, but simply because I was jaded and really never felt anything for that girl.
Even though I was acting, I was there, we were hanging out, I was polite, I was charming. So to this girl, it was real.
And the ending of this micro relationship (3 months) was as devastating to this girl as the ending of my relationship with my ex was to me...

And then I've come to realise that my ex was also using me, as I've tried to use this girl to heal my wounds. My ex told me in the begining of our relationship that she was hurt by someone in the past, that she was heartbroken.

The difference, is that she trully used me, she fully healed her brokenheart with my genuine love and caring, and then she moved on. But I was only able to fully grasp this, after long months of NC, and specially, long months of living.

And now I have a concept of what has happened to me, and why it was over, and why she would not take me back. Things that I would not understand right after she dumped me.

So, bottomline is. You have to cope with the pain, and keep living your life.
Eventually things will start to fall into place, and you will have a better understanding of what the f*ck happened, but only if you accept it is over, and you trully go out there and live.

She was selfish fo her reasons. I was selfish for mine. And this girl I've broken will also be.
Everyone is selfish. No one is evil. We just want what we feel that will be better for us in that moment.

So to finish this, YOU HAVE GOT TO UNDERSTAND, that what is better for you is not in a girl, is not in revenge, is not in acting aloof...

...what is best for you is to GROW AS A MAN. Is to have character. Is to have a solid set of goals and objectives.

Is to be happy with yourself.

Happiness may only be real when shared, but first you have to have something, to share something!

Peace!

 

[petitefri]

sorry i multi-posted

 

[petitefri]

It's amazing how I came on here to seem for advice but instead learned what will for ever remain precious to me. Yes, after 18 days I sent an email to clarify things. It's was brief and straight to the point. I enjoyed the relationship and I learned a lot from it but then I am moving on and I hope down the road we will be friends. Yes, he dumped me and I am still heart broken.
What am I saying? I now see how life goes, some girls breaking the heart of the few nice guys and making them heartless. While we seek for guys like these, some girls use them as trash, then some guys treat the few "good" girls like s***!
It's funny how life works. For selfish reasons people go round messing with each other, I dated a guy for 3 months a year ago, he waited until he finally convince me it was the right time to have sex- that was my first sex experience and yes I was a Virgin at 23. But 3 days later he broke up with me saying he isn't ready for a relationship .
I was hurt, heart broken and lost . Yet I got up dusted myself and started living the life. We are friend today , he is forgiven but not forgotten. And then my recent break up.
I can go on and on but if people stop using others for selfish reasons then life will be better for us all.
Sorry to all the guys who are heart broken. Time heals everything.
xx

 

[petitefri]

Day 2...

 

[Colette]

It's amazing how I came on here to seem for advice but instead learned what will for ever remain precious to me. Yes, after 18 days I sent an email to clarify things. It's was brief and straight to the point. I enjoyed the relationship and I learned a lot from it but then I am moving on and I hope down the road we will be friends. Yes, he dumped me and I am still heart broken.
What am I saying? I now see how life goes, some girls breaking the heart of the few nice guys and making them heartless. While we seek for guys like these, some girls use them as trash, then some guys treat the few "good" girls like s***!
It's funny how life works. For selfish reasons people go round messing with each other, I dated a guy for 3 months a year ago, he waited until he finally convince me it was the right time to have sex- that was my first sex experience and yes I was a Virgin at 23. But 3 days later he broke up with me saying he isn't ready for a relationship .
I was hurt, heart broken and lost . Yet I got up dusted myself and started living the life. We are friend today , he is forgiven but not forgotten. And then my recent break up.
I can go on and on but if people stop using others for selfish reasons then life will be better for us all.
Sorry to all the guys who are heart broken. Time heals everything.
xx

it is amazing how you came here and everybody told you not to contact or email your ex and you still did anyways. what is the point of asking for advice when you don't listen and do what you want ?

 

[narcissist]

Sorry to all the guys who are heart broken. Time heals everything.
xx

As Lotus Effect explained quite well in his previous post on the other page this is not true. Time DOES NOT heal everything.

Its how you SPEND your time that determines whether you will heal or not!

If you spend your time wallowing in a pit of anguish and despair then all of eternity wont even be enough time for you to heal.

BUT, If you spend your time bettering yourself and continually self-improving then it will be absurd how LITTLE time it will take to heal. 2-3 months MAX.

Its all about how you spend your time. That is one of the HUGE misconceptions of break ups and the healing process!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 36 I think.

Had a sex dream about the ex, surprisingly I'm not upset at all, I guess my body is telling me I need to get laid.

BTW, the sex was awful, somewhat reassembled to what we used to have during the last year.

 

[petitefri]

it is amazing how you came here and everybody told you not to contact or email your ex and you still did anyways. what is the point of asking for advice when you don't listen and do what you want ?

Thanks Colette. We all may bring our dumping stories on here and explain but only us, personally know the complete details about how it all went down. The bit we explain is the part where we all got dumped and how we felt and how we are moving on. What am I saying? There's a lot to my breakup and that email I sent made me feel better about myself. You know why? Because with a NC we all secretly still hope our exes contacts us. I made things clear, we had fun, I learned a lot and am moving on. Now I don't have that time to sit down waiting for my phone to ring. Nothing to hope for, it still hurts but I am having more time to work on me.
Thanks