The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Dtsm3]

^reading this makes me realise why there is no point contacting the ex. Short of a chance to sit down with a drink and talk to her, nothing else will make me feel any better. That kind of message or email and I will feel bad again.

 

[Noyou]

^all

There is no point in contacting an ex if you were the one dumped. Nothing good will come of it.

You will feel unresolved, but get used to that. Life is that way.

If you move on, the universe will play out as it should, but defy your bitterness. If you wallow in pain and worry about what he/she is doing, he/she is winning and is right about you.

Don't give them the satisfaction!

Again I'll give my examples

Before the breakup:
1. I was a jealous mess because the ex would constantly put herself in positions she's not supposed to put herself in when you're committed.
2. Did not stand up for me
3. Lied to me
4. Probably wasn't faithful
5. I'd have to treat her like a kid because she had no realm of adult hygiene, responsibility, relationship skills
6. Always felt on edge like she never listen to me but I had to pay attention to her
7. Always give her gifts when I had a part time job
8. Treated her with love and respect
9. Was a begging mess when she broke up with me
10. Always felt like I was giving 100% and she was giving 5%
11. Had constant anxiety issues

After the breakup and letting go:
1. Got a new higher paying job in my career field.
2. Sent to trips over the US for training in my field
3. Been turning into a well built guy that's physically appealing and oozing with confidence.
4. Making higher pay and getting promoted
5. Meeting new people in high places in my field
6. Had sex with women that rank a 8 - 10 on the hotness scale.
7. 1 of them wants to be FWB And is going through the same thing I am
8. In a week I'm being sent out again for business
9. Her friends that have seen me are astonished/want nothing to do with me when they see me. (I don't frequent where me and ex used to go to, it so happens her friends do see me where I go though)
10. I'm no longer a begging mess
11. I simply laugh at the male prospects she goes after (they are sad)
12. I'm having fun instead of being on edge all the time
13. No anxiety issues

Let go ladies and gents, life is too short for all that bull****.
THEY WILL COME AROUND, but by the time they do, you'll feel nothing for them.
If you hit it off again, maybe it was meant to be. BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE FOR THEM, ONLY FOR YOURSELF! BECOME THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE/DREAM TO BE.

 

[Colette]

So I sent that email to my ex after he broke up with me on the phone. I broke my NC after 18 days :-(This is the email
Hey! I know this is a bit random, but I just wanted to say thanks for all the great times we spent together. I've learned a lot from our relationship, and I'm moving on. I hope we can still be friends down the road, though. Anyway, hope all is well with you.
so 5 days later he replies with this:
Hey (my name )
Just seen your email. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but I guess we've both learned things. Thank you for the good memories too and I'm glad you are moving on. I still have your boots by the way, I don't know what you want me to do with them? Take care
(His name )x.
By the way I don't plan on replying to this. As for my boots I got a couple already. But I now know the disgust I got for selfish guys ( no offense)

I told you he doesn't care. he is a douchebag, it took him 5 days to reply and his response is cold and insensitive. screw him . He said you both learned things, I bet he learned nothing

 

[Noyou]

I told you he doesn't care. he is a douchebag, it took him 5 days to reply and his response is cold and insensitive. screw him . He said you both learned things, I bet he learned nothing

Srsly **** that guy man. He sounds like a prick. "We both learned something" man, I'd punch him in the face as hard as I could. THAT would make him learn something.

LET GO OF HIM, he will see and learn then, trust me.

 

[Dtsm3]

^all

There is no point in contacting an ex if you were the one dumped. Nothing good will come of it.

You will feel unresolved, but get used to that. Life is that way.

If you move on, the universe will play out as it should, but defy your bitterness. If you wallow in pain and worry about what he/she is doing, he/she is winning and is right about you.

Don't give them the satisfaction!

Again I'll give my examples

Before the breakup:
1. I was a jealous mess because the ex would constantly put herself in positions she's not supposed to put herself in when you're committed.
2. Did not stand up for me
3. Lied to me
4. Probably wasn't faithful
5. I'd have to treat her like a kid because she had no realm of adult hygiene, responsibility, relationship skills
6. Always felt on edge like she never listen to me but I had to pay attention to her
7. Always give her gifts when I had a part time job
8. Treated her with love and respect
9. Was a begging mess when she broke up with me
10. Always felt like I was giving 100% and she was giving 5%
11. Had constant anxiety issues

After the breakup and letting go:
1. Got a new higher paying job in my career field.
2. Sent to trips over the US for training in my field
3. Been turning into a well built guy that's physically appealing and oozing with confidence.
4. Making higher pay and getting promoted
5. Meeting new people in high places in my field
6. Had sex with women that rank a 8 - 10 on the hotness scale.
7. 1 of them wants to be FWB And is going through the same thing I am
8. In a week I'm being sent out again for business
9. Her friends that have seen me are astonished/want nothing to do with me when they see me. (I don't frequent where me and ex used to go to, it so happens her friends do see me where I go though)
10. I'm no longer a begging mess
11. I simply laugh at the male prospects she goes after (they are sad)
12. I'm having fun instead of being on edge all the time
13. No anxiety issues

Let go ladies and gents, life is too short for all that bull****.
THEY WILL COME AROUND, but by the time they do, you'll feel nothing for them.
If you hit it off again, maybe it was meant to be. BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE FOR THEM, ONLY FOR YOURSELF! BECOME THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE/DREAM TO BE.

Dude, thanks for the kick in the ass! Everytime I'm feeling down I'm gonna read your statement. Your right, i do not need any women!

 

[Colette]

Srsly **** that guy man. He sounds like a prick. "We both learned something" man, I'd punch him in the face as hard as I could. THAT would make him learn something.

LET GO OF HIM, he will see and learn then, trust me.

hahaha I love this comment , I love the spirit .

 

[petitefri]

Srsly **** that guy man. He sounds like a prick. "We both learned something" man, I'd punch him in the face as hard as I could. THAT would make him learn something.

LET GO OF HIM, he will see and learn then, trust me.

oh my God. thanks for such an encouraging note. am glad i came on here. for a moment i felt bad but i am and will get over it. and will better myself a million time.
thanks a lot guys xx

 

[Dtsm3]

Brothers, there is something that has become clear in my mind that I would like to share.

If someone likes you, cares about you, wants to be with you. They will be with you. They will not mess you around, or hurt you. They will be with you.

So when we wonder about that person who is not with us, and what they are up to in life. It's simple, they are not with us, they choose not to be with you, they choose to hurt you. So they do not want you. They do not care bout you. It's that simple.

So why would any of us want to be with someone that does not care about us, does not want to be with us? I'm trying to remember this every time I feel low.

 

[stevedudley]

I think she brings her new bf to hurt you. She is trying to tell you that her life is good, she has a new man now, and this new man plays daddy's role in your son`s life. It may not be true but that is how she want you to think .
I don't know why you guys broke up, whether you hurt her feeling or not ....etc . But she definitely is out there to hurt you so she is using this guy and your son to get to you.

Thanks for your thoughts Colette. Its tearing me apart she has introduced this guy to my son after only a few weeks. My ex was after my money and my house so I finished the relationship. She then took my son abroad so I had to go to court to get my son back into the UK. She then stopped my contact with my son. i ended up taking her to court for access. it cost me 7 grand in the end. And now introducing this guy so early. Just dont understand why she would do this as it will affect ny son.

 

[stevedudley]

...

 

[Colette]

Thanks for your thoughts Colette. Its tearing me apart she has introduced this guy to my son after only a few weeks. My ex was after my money and my house so I finished the relationship. She then took my son abroad so I had to go to court to get my son back into the UK. She then stopped my contact with my son. i ended up taking her to court for access. it cost me 7 grand in the end. And now introducing this guy so early. Just dont understand why she would do this as it will affect ny son.

I know that is an unfortunate situation specially when a child is involved. But what can you do except to be patient and stay strong for your son. Let`s hope things will look up soon for all of us in here .

 

[Noyou]

Thanks for your thoughts Colette. Its tearing me apart she has introduced this guy to my son after only a few weeks. My ex was after my money and my house so I finished the relationship. She then took my son abroad so I had to go to court to get my son back into the UK. She then stopped my contact with my son. i ended up taking her to court for access. it cost me 7 grand in the end. And now introducing this guy so early. Just dont understand why she would do this as it will affect ny son.

Sounds like the good digger wanted a paycheck and a house but didn't get the house. Now that things didn't go in her favor, she found a new toy and is dangling him and your son in front of you doing all this introducing and such.

Your ex sounds like a horrible human being.
I'd fight to get her rights taken from her, because she seems like a person who would get child support to gain her own needs.

 

[stevedudley]

Sounds like the good digger wanted a paycheck and a house but didn't get the house. Now that things didn't go in her favor, she found a new toy and is dangling him and your son in front of you doing all this introducing and such.

Your ex sounds like a horrible human being.
I'd fight to get her rights taken from her, because she seems like a person who would get child support to gain her own needs.[/QUOTE

yes she sure is a gold digger. she now has a house rent free from the goverment. She receives benefits. She has gone to the child support agency for my money and has the new guys money. I always got my sons clothes, nappies and food. Anything my son needed I got. But she wanted money. But it has gone wrong for her as I own my own business and pay myself a low wage so I only have to pay her a small amount. But I will continue to buy my son things. I am just happy that I can be the support my son needs. But this whole situation will always continue as we have a son. I would be happy if I never had to see or speak to her again.

 

[beatjunkie]

Sounds like the good digger wanted a paycheck and a house but didn't get the house. Now that things didn't go in her favor, she found a new toy and is dangling him and your son in front of you doing all this introducing and such.

Your ex sounds like a horrible human being.
I'd fight to get her rights taken from her, because she seems like a person who would get child support to gain her own needs.[/QUOTE

yes she sure is a gold digger. she now has a house rent free from the goverment. She receives benefits. She has gone to the child support agency for my money and has the new guys money. I always got my sons clothes, nappies and food. Anything my son needed I got. But she wanted money. But it has gone wrong for her as I own my own business and pay myself a low wage so I only have to pay her a small amount. But I will continue to buy my son things. I am just happy that I can be the support my son needs. But this whole situation will always continue as we have a son. I would be happy if I never had to see or speak to her again.

Steve,

Your case is extremely disheartening man. Really sorry to hear about all this. You must be having a very difficult time. Have you tried to speak to Legals about how to best handle this situation for the future? Paying yourself a low-wage forever is not going to cut and seems like she dug in for a fight.

 

[stevedudley]

Steve,

Your case is extremely disheartening man. Really sorry to hear about all this. You must be having a very difficult time. Have you tried to speak to Legals about how to best handle this situation for the future? Paying yourself a low-wage forever is not going to cut and seems like she dug in for a fight.

Hi beatjunkie. Yes I have been to court. It cost me £7000. but I have good access now with my son. But my low wage is ok. Have a good accountant and can still get money out my company. But my motivation is my son. One day he will realise what is going on and will want to live with me. But this situation is hard and hurtful. I do not talk to my ex at all. I ignore her texts and emails. She will never take my dignity from me.I am a great believer that one day she will hurt in the future. But as I say I have to be a great dad for my son, that is what is important.

 

[petitefri]

Hi beatjunkie. Yes I have been to court. It cost me £7000. but I have good access now with my son. But my low wage is ok. Have a good accountant and can still get money out my company. But my motivation is my son. One day he will realise what is going on and will want to live with me. But this situation is hard and hurtful. I do not talk to my ex at all. I ignore her texts and emails. She will never take my dignity from me.I am a great believer that one day she will hurt in the future. But as I say I have to be a great dad for my son, that is what is important.

They say you you may think you have got all the problems on your shoulder until you listen to another person share theirs!
I will say keep calm and enjoy life with your son. Happy you are protecting your dignity! You will be blessed someday Steve

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 5

Broke NC a while back, and tried to do it again only to have it broken by her several times (work with her). Her last attempt was to try and convince me to help her with a cover letter for a job application...clearly something her fiance should do for her. Sent her an example cover letter nonetheless and been quiet since. It's been five days since I did so and no reply from her. If none of this breaking NC happened I would've been on day 60 something i think

Getting better daily, but today seems to be hard. Still, when looking back at the first days of the breakup, today is nothing. I am in the office now and not being too productive. I honestly wish I never met this person. I imagine how much better my life would've been, but oh well. This is another learning experience...albeit i'm dying to graduate. I've been applying to jobs daily and really hope I can find a way out of this miserable country. I think the boredom factor and the fact that she was, literally, my only friend here have exasperated the problem. I wouldn't have chased or begged if I had something else to do!

Reading up on Stoic philosophy...very interesting stuff. Basically teaches you how not to care so much about every little thing but instead to focus on the big things and even then, don't take the big things too seriously as well. Still reading so I don't yet have a full grasp of their approach.

That's all for now. Stay strong all.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 40
Memories about the ex keep popping out. Mostly bad and hurtful ones. My mind is still processing the fact that she's not that perfect little girl she used to be when I met her.

 

[Colette]

Day 40
Memories about the ex keep popping out. Mostly bad and hurtful ones. My mind is still processing the fact that she's not that perfect little girl she used to be when I met her.

your ex look is below average . I know it is not all about look , but she is not attractive at all, and from everything u said her personality is not that good either. So I am not sure what is all this fuss about you are making !

 

[narcissist]

your ex look is below average . I know it is not all about look , but she is not attractive at all, and from everything u said her personality is not that good either. So I am not sure what is all this fuss about you are making !

how do you know what she looks like?