The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[mikey2012]

But for the 2 1/2 years out of our 3 year relationship, she was obsessed with me. She drove me away. When I broke up with her back then she stalked me, waited outside my work. Come in to my house whilst I was in be after a night out and got in bed with me! She Ket egging and begging and in the end I did give in. Maybe because it was so easy, the sex was amazing and she would do what I wanted. How has this totally switched!??

Don't try to rationalize it. Women can't be understood. Maybe your value dropped. She got fed up. Just move on dudee

 

[bateman72]

i understand how you are feeling

But for the 2 1/2 years out of our 3 year relationship, she was obsessed with me. She drove me away. When I broke up with her back then she stalked me, waited outside my work. Come in to my house whilst I was in be after a night out and got in bed with me! She Ket egging and begging and in the end I did give in. Maybe because it was so easy, the sex was amazing and she would do what I wanted. How has this totally switched!??

JJ:

I totally get how you are feeling. At one point she acts like the sun rises and falls at your command and her desire for you is never ending. she shares her body with you more wantonly and passionately than she has ever done with another.

A week later, a month later...everything is different. There is no logic to this. Somehow she lost attraction. You cant argue yourself back to getting her wet again. The force of superior logic is worth nothing with a female.

you have one or two tools in your arsenal right now that can potentially build attraction:

1) don't contact her and get serious about getting over her.

2) hit the weights, work harder, dress better etc.


we all want to understand and get some sort of closure but absolutely nothing you can say to her builds attraction. you got to go ghost now.

 

[bateman72]

I'm feeling a bit better today after a rough night trying to fall asleep.

1) hard hard workout
2) worked hard at the office
3) got a new haircut
4) split my errands up so I had to go to a bunch of different public places where I could I least smile and say hi to females.

I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.


I think the light only appears when your NC is about you moving on from your ex and not all about "when will she call"

 

[joker79]

guys, NO CONTACT! she's probably experiencing what is called cognitive dissonance: she made a choice based on her hypergamy (she thinks she can do better or she thinks you're weak or she wasn't happy or had other dudes in the background, whatever) and this feeling is against what she felt during your relationship, at least when you were perceived as a strong alpha male. To lower the discomfort (or dissonance) of this decision, she has to decrease your value in her eyes therefore she becomes distant and cold. This to protect her ego and reassure that she made the right decision. We need to be aware of these mechanisms. The only way to fight back is not to validate her choice (assuming that she still has interest) and make her doubt about it. Sending her clarification txts, calls, letters produce exactly the opposite effect, that is that she will get the validation she requires and will move on immediately

 

[Blinkers]

I'm feeling a bit better today after a rough night trying to fall asleep.

1) hard hard workout
2) worked hard at the office
3) got a new haircut
4) split my errands up so I had to go to a bunch of different public places where I could I least smile and say hi to females.

I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.


I think the light only appears when your NC is about you moving on from your ex and not all about "when will she call"

Good work Bateman - It's remarkable how much satisfaction a real man gets from a productive days work and a proper work out! That's the stuff you should focus on right now. That's also the only validation you should strive for as a man.
Now let's turn that "Hi" into a question or an interrogative statement then you can start playing the game and concentrate on you, you & your penis.
Thinking that a woman can offer you emotional comfort is an illusion, they offer but 3 things, the same 3 things they have always offered, and you can stick your **** in all of them...

 

[Jariel]

But for the 2 1/2 years out of our 3 year relationship, she was obsessed with me. She drove me away. When I broke up with her back then she stalked me, waited outside my work. Come in to my house whilst I was in be after a night out and got in bed with me! She Ket egging and begging and in the end I did give in. Maybe because it was so easy, the sex was amazing and she would do what I wanted. How has this totally switched!??

This has happened to all of us. My girlfriend was obsessed with me too, told me she has never felt that way about anyone, was so clingy and would cry when I left her some times even...but things change.

Imagine if the roles were reversed and you saw your girlfriend putting on weight and stop taking pride in her appearance. One day you look at her and she's fat and scruffy, and you realise you're no longer attracted to her. It doesn't matter what you used to feel because she's not the same person any more. You may still love her, but you just can't be with someone you're not attracted to.

This is what happens when a man loses his game, his value or becomes less of a challenge. She starts to see him as a pushover, as less masculine and less attractive, until one day it hits her that she's just not attracted to him any more.

Contacting her and trying to win her back is the equivalent of a fat ex girlfriend trying to impress you by eating more. It just drives you further away. Likewise, if she keeps texting you to say "Hey, I've learned my lesson and I know my mistake" it makes no difference because she's still fat.

But if she disappeared for a while, lost weight, got back in shape and improved herself, you may find her attractive again and see that same girl she used to be...the one you fell in love with.

This is what we men need to do. We need to disappear from her life, work on improving ourselves and becoming the men we used to be...the men our exes fell for.

I'm sure everyone here, if they really think back, will notice how differently they behaved towards the end of their relationship compared to the beginning.

It's been said many times before, but it's worth repeating: "Attraction is not a choice!" and you have to remember it's not their fault they lose attraction towards us: it's our fault!

By walking away and being strong, by retaining no contact, you show her a side of you she hasn't seen for a long time. You show her your masculinity, your independence and that you don't need her in your life. These are the very qualities that make men attractive to women, whereas emotional instability and dependence as as repulsive to women as fat slobby chicks are to most men.

 

[cgr68311]

So a friend of mine doesn't like to see me sad, she thinks me telling my ex lover that I had a date lined up probably pissed her off and made her not to even think about my (sad) proposal. She thinks that I should send her one LAST text message (or see her in person) and say this:

"just to be clear, because you always liked to be transparent. I did not go out on that date because of you, regardless of whether you'd analyze things or not. this is the last time I'm contacting you, as you clearly don't want me to. sorry just had to say it."

Guys...should I send this????????? NV MIND I WAS LISTENING TO A FEMALE FRIEND WHO THINKS NC IS PATHETIC...

 

[cgr68311]

Guys...should I send this?????????

NV mind....I should shut up and take my new friend seriously...she even texted me asking me to plan a get away and agreed to wear a sexy dress tonight despite the fact that she was scared that she told me that would make it too easy to fuk her....



Juanita: You know what you should do 3:12 PM

Me: what 6:42 PM

Juanita: Plan a get away 6:47 PM

Me: Elaborate plz 6:48 PM

Juanita: Yea for me and u 6:49 PM

Me: I'm in. Lets plan everything in person tomorrow night 6:51 PM

Juanita: Ok 6:52 PM

Me: For reals. No more excuses from either of us. And wear your sexiest dress. Gnight 7:02 PM

Juanita: Ok

 

[Jariel]

Guys...should I send this????????? NV MIND I WAS LISTENING TO A FEMALE FRIEND WHO THINKS NC IS PATHETIC...

Using my previous analogy, sending that text message would be like a fat chick eating a whole cake to try to impress her ex.

Women always give lousy advice to men on break ups and relationships. It was actually my mom's idea for me to apologise to my ex and write a long letter...and this backfired and turned out to be my biggest regret in the whole break up.

I wish I'd taken the advice of guys in this thread instead.

 

[joker79]

never ever ever ever ever listen to women advice on relationship

 

[JJ07]

This has happened to all of us. My girlfriend was obsessed with me too, told me she has never felt that way about anyone, was so clingy and would cry when I left her some times even...but things change.

Imagine if the roles were reversed and you saw your girlfriend putting on weight and stop taking pride in her appearance. One day you look at her and she's fat and scruffy, and you realise you're no longer attracted to her. It doesn't matter what you used to feel because she's not the same person any more. You may still love her, but you just can't be with someone you're not attracted to.

This is what happens when a man loses his game, his value or becomes less of a challenge. She starts to see him as a pushover, as less masculine and less attractive, until one day it hits her that she's just not attracted to him any more.

Contacting her and trying to win her back is the equivalent of a fat ex girlfriend trying to impress you by eating more. It just drives you further away. Likewise, if she keeps texting you to say "Hey, I've learned my lesson and I know my mistake" it makes no difference because she's still fat.

But if she disappeared for a while, lost weight, got back in shape and improved herself, you may find her attractive again and see that same girl she used to be...the one you fell in love with.

This is what we men need to do. We need to disappear from her life, work on improving ourselves and becoming the men we used to be...the men our exes fell for.

I'm sure everyone here, if they really think back, will notice how differently they behaved towards the end of their relationship compared to the beginning.

It's been said many times before, but it's worth repeating: "Attraction is not a choice!" and you have to remember it's not their fault they lose attraction towards us: it's our fault!

By walking away and being strong, by retaining no contact, you show her a side of you she hasn't seen for a long time. You show her your masculinity, your independence and that you don't need her in your life. These are the very qualities that make men attractive to women, whereas emotional instability and dependence as as repulsive to women as fat slobby chicks are to most men.

I get it Jariel, can I confirm though, that even though we broke up on the terms that's we wernt going to go and have sex with others or jump into a relationship. And she is apparently texting someone, can I confirm that I text her explaining that or showing I'm hurt, it won't bother her what so ever , she won't panic or be scared that I'll get her back. And most importantly, it won't give me the closure I need??

 

[Jariel]

I get it Jariel, can I confirm though, that even though we broke up on the terms that's we wernt going to go and have sex with others or jump into a relationship. And she is apparently texting someone, can I confirm that I text her explaining that or showing I'm hurt, it won't bother her what so ever , she won't panic or be scared that I'll get her back. And most importantly, it won't give me the closure I need??

It depends how you want her to see you. If you want her to see you as strong, masculine and to respect you, then you must walk away and give her nothing at all. And above all, you will walk away respecting yourself!

But if you want to guilt trip her by telling you how much you hurt, or have a go at her for going with someone else, then prepare to lose your dignity and drive her into the arms of this other guy.

A lot of guys do get closure from this kind of behaviour. They figure it's a lost cause so they may as well go all out, keep texting her, provoking arguments and demanding explanations until she stops replying altogether or tells them to stay away. At this point, the guy has totally lost all hope and burned his bridges, so he has no choice but to move on.

But when they do this, they emerge from the situation with such low self esteem and low confidence, and so much resentment towards their ex. And when a man is in this state, he'll find it near impossible to attract another woman.

It's far better to end a relationship like an uncaring as$hole than a snivelling wreck.

 

[joker79]

You don't need any closure

 

[bateman72]

Listen to jariel and joker dude. Silence is golden.

 

[orbion2013]

what do you do in the situation, where you wanted to break up with her anyway?

i don't want her back... i just went ghost on her... then she ended it by email...

but i acted indiffrence & kept on going total silence... it's nearly 5 weeks now


also my gut tells me, she might be branch swinging... but you know what, it is better not know... NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS... just block her, cut all contact & do not expose yourself to any of her b@ll****

i have good and bad days... but i think total silence is the best way forward...

 

[JJ07]

This is horrid

It depends how you want her to see you. If you want her to see you as strong, masculine and to respect you, then you must walk away and give her nothing at all. And above all, you will walk away respecting yourself!

But if you want to guilt trip her by telling you how much you hurt, or have a go at her for going with someone else, then prepare to lose your dignity and drive her into the arms of this other guy.

A lot of guys do get closure from this kind of behaviour. They figure it's a lost cause so they may as well go all out, keep texting her, provoking arguments and demanding explanations until she stops replying altogether or tells them to stay away. At this point, the guy has totally lost all hope and burned his bridges, so he has no choice but to move on.

But when they do this, they emerge from the situation with such low self esteem and low confidence, and so much resentment towards their ex. And when a man is in this state, he'll find it near impossible to attract another woman.

It's far better to end a relationship like an uncaring as$hole than a snivelling wreck.

All I keep doing is thinking of excuses to text or call her. I was so close to calling her to ask if he wanted to spend New Year's Eve together and go out. Cause Jen we was together she was desperate for me to want to spend New Years with her rather than only me go out with my mates.

I'm even tempted to ask her mate where there all going... And I know no matter what tomorrow night I will go into a club just wishful thinking that she's there, looking around to see if she's in here. I'm not going to enjoy myself

 

[joker79]

delete her ****ing number

 

[Lotus Effect]

Using my previous analogy, sending that text message would be like a fat chick eating a whole cake to try to impress her ex.

Women always give lousy advice to men on break ups and relationships. It was actually my mom's idea for me to apologise to my ex and write a long letter...and this backfired and turned out to be my biggest regret in the whole break up.

I wish I'd taken the advice of guys in this thread instead.

I co-sign this!

Word by word!

I've listened to my mom, and to an older coworker, and I don't regret anything as much as I regret listening them and sending the letter!

In fact my coworker also adviced me to show up at my ex office. Wait outside the building with a box of chocolates, and surprise her there, as if I was walking by, with an ocasional box of chocolates.

She worked 10 miles from my house, and my work... ¬¬

So much for an advice...hahahah!


And JJ07, as Coldplay once said, "Nobody said it was easy, and no one ever said it would be this hard!"

I know that this do not help, but you are not the only one who is hurting man...
All of us in here are in the same kind of pain! You will never fully understand what happened. It's been so long for me, and I still don't.
What I do understand is that is over. And that there is no turning back!

It is not going to be easy. But the more you try to get a reaction from her, the more you will prolong your pain! Listen to us!

SHUT THE F*CK UP!

 

[Renegade357]

It is not going to be easy. But the more you try to get a reaction from her, the more you will prolong your pain! Listen to us!

It's painful no matter what you do really. Some of us screwed up while others pulled no contact immediately and stuck with it. The difference with the latter is you get to keep at least a little self respect in their eyes. They can try but they can't take that away from you if you don't let them.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope my ex has a come to Jesus moment with me. Even after 5 months of no contact. Every day that goes by I lose more and more hope that it will happen.

In the meantime I've dated probably 6 girls in the past 5 months. Just tagged one the other night to break a dry spell. Banging a new girl really does help get over the old one.

The point is if you do all the right things you will win in the end.

 

[Nn877]

Man, advice on this thread/forum is golden. I wish I would of found this site years ago! I've been a beta for too long and want to change it asap. I recently started a thread "NC for you, not her". After reading all your guys posts I feel like an idiot. Basically gave into her little ploy to validate herself and now she's aloof. I need to restart NC, if that's even possible? Should I just go ghost and not say a word or tell her straight up? I feel like I damaged my dignity big time by breaking nc, should of stuck to my guns, but I did not. How can I walk away from this with any amount of self respect now?? Any help guys