The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[JJ07]

WHAT NOW?? Closure?

I saw her bet friend out she came up to me. We got talking. And basically told me that she has been seeing some guy she met out in a the night club, who lives quite far away. She said nothing's going to happen really. And she WASNT doing anything when we were together (which was 3 weeks ago). She also said that tbh she is over it, she just doesn't feel it's working so there's no point trying she thinks it's just time to end.

I'm now in a position where I'm so angry!! I want to text her this :

I ruined my Christmas cause of us two, and your already seeing a boy from ******* which you told me about on Xmas eve I just thought you was lying.(she told me she was joking) You were cheating on me whilst we were together. (I'm exaggerating this part)

I don't know why, I've got my closure. I know it's over, but I do again still want her back. But if feel she's got away with it to easy!!

If I want her to come back to me, then what's the best move?

 

[mikey2012]

I saw her bet friend out she came up to me. We got talking. And basically told me that she has been seeing some guy she met out in a the night club, who lives quite far away. She said nothing's going to happen really. And she WASNT doing anything when we were together (which was 3 weeks ago). She also said that tbh she is over it, she just doesn't feel it's working so there's no point trying she thinks it's just time to end.

I'm now in a position where I'm so angry!! I want to text her this :

I ruined my Christmas cause of us two, and your already seeing a boy from ******* which you told me about on Xmas eve I just thought you was lying.(she told me she was joking) You were cheating on me whilst we were together. (I'm exaggerating this part)

I don't know why, I've got my closure. I know it's over, but I do again still want her back. But if feel she's got away with it to easy!!

If I want her to come back to me, then what's the best move?

Don't do shiiiit

 

[joker79]

don't do that. When I read your story, I thought you were able to handle it, you backed off perfectly and she went nuts. Now she moved on and started dating again. She trying to heal and you aren't. You're behaving like a beta *****-whipped always-whining Beta a$$.

Moreover, let's assume you send this insane txt: do you think she will respond "yes, you're right, I'm sorry, I'm a biatch, I'll come back to you immediately". Mate, it doesn't work this way, she won't respond and will leave you with nothing more than a strong feeling that you are a even bigger loser. You sure you want that?

 

[JJ07]

don't do that. When I read your story, I thought you were able to handle it, you backed off perfectly and she went nuts. Now she moved on and started dating again. She trying to heal and you aren't. You're behaving like a beta *****-whipped always-whining Beta a$$.

Moreover, let's assume you send this insane txt: do you think she will respond "yes, you're right, I'm sorry, I'm a biatch, I'll come back to you immediately". Mate, it doesn't work this way, she won't respond and will leave you with nothing more than a strong feeling that you are a even bigger loser. You sure you want that?

No I don't want that. But I do think she would be upset if she knew that I knew.

As sick as it sounds I feel like I want her to hurt aswell. She's all on this Instagram hype an posting pictures all the time (I don't look, plus her accounts private anyway). But what she doesn't a realise is I've had it for a while, I've had to cause my model agency wanted me to for publicity but it's with my model name. Maybe it's time I give her a follow and she can see me with loads of followers and see what it's like!

 

[joker79]

No I don't want that. But I do think she would be upset if she knew that I knew.

As sick as it sounds I feel like I want her to hurt aswell. She's all on this Instagram hype an posting pictures all the time (I don't look, plus her accounts private anyway). But what she doesn't a realise is I've had it for a while, I've had to cause my model agency wanted me to for publicity but it's with my model name. Maybe it's time I give her a follow and she can see me with loads of followers and see what it's like!

just one question: who cares out what she does, who she's with and what she posts on Instagram and facebook? You should be dating others chicks, this is what a real man does. You're wasting your time trying to figure out whether she would feel upset if you do "x" or "y". WHO CARES??

 

[JJ07]

just one question: who cares out what she does, who she's with and what she posts on Instagram and facebook? You should be dating others chicks, this is what a real man does. You're wasting your time trying to figure out whether she would feel upset if you do "x" or "y". WHO CARES??

I know :/ I just can't seem to let go!

 

[joker79]

the only good thing you can do now is to show her that you're a man and you have bigger priorities in your life. A new girl won't be a problem because you're a valuable guy. And you show that without showing her anything, she's not part of your life anymore and, given her behaviour, she doesn't deserve to be in it. So DELETE her number, fb, instagram, whatever and improve yourself.

 

[JJ07]

the only good thing you can do now is to show her that you're a man and you have bigger priorities in your life. A new girl won't be a problem because you're a valuable guy. And you show that without showing her anything, she's not part of your life anymore and, given her behaviour, she doesn't deserve to be in it. So DELETE her number, fb, instagram, whatever and improve yourself.

It wasn't long ago that she paid for a holiday for my birthday present. It was supposed to be a surprise. I don't know how it's possible for someone to do that then feel nothing.

 

[mikey2012]

It wasn't long ago that she paid for a holiday for my birthday present. It was supposed to be a surprise. I don't know how it's possible for someone to do that then feel nothing.

She feels nothing because she has swung to another branch. You no longer matter anymore. Be strong and move on. Nothing you can do now. NC is here to protect you and keep your dignity. Even if you beg and she comes back it will not last long. You will lose all your power and she will cheat on you. Just see experiences from people here. Maintain your frame. If she come back on her own then maybe you have a chance but I still would still move on..

 

[joker79]

It wasn't long ago that she paid for a holiday for my birthday present. It was supposed to be a surprise. I don't know how it's possible for someone to do that then feel nothing.

mate, we're told since we're child that our relationships will be fantastic, that we'll spend our life with a princess from Disney movies, that you need to treat her well and she will reciprocate your love with the same feeling. That people act in good faith and that feelings matter. Well... that is all BULL****. Actions speak louder than words.

She's protecting her ego decreasing your value and trying to convince herself that she feels nothing. To do so, she probably has already swung to another branch + will not respond to any txt probably. The only thing you can do is NC, improve yourself and understand how relationships work. And get out from your ****ing Disney cartoon

 

[bateman72]

mate, we're told since we're child that our relationship will be fantastic, that we'll spend our life with a princess from Disney movies, that you need to treat her well and she will reciprocate your love with the same feeling. That people act in good faith and that feelings matter. Well... that is all BULL****. Actions speak louder than words.

She's protecting her ego decreasing your value and trying to convince herself that she feels nothing. To do so, she probably has already swung to another branch + will not respond to any txt probably. The only thing you can do is NC, improve yourself and understand how relationships work. And get out from your ****ing Disney cartoon

I want to reiterate what joker says here. my ex was the sweetest girl in the world 48 hours before fvcking another guy.

I just went NC for 18 days and then in a moment of weakness broke NC. That was 48 hours ago and the girl who just a few short weeks ago was head over heels in love with me cant be bothered to reply to my message.

please trust me on this. silence is golden.

 

[JJ07]

Yeah I see. I don't why but I feel that I would get a reaction from her. It was like 4 weeks ago ( broke up 3 weeks ago) she was all in love etc but then would get in moods again. There's so many "what if I did this?" Going through my head. Maybe if I didn't brake up with her in the first place it wouldn't of got to this stage. But I HAVE to keep telling myself if she really wanted me shouldn't of talked to me like that. I have to just accept that if she really wanted me should come to me. I just can't help feeling like I need (and she wants me) to be the one to instigate us talking or trying to get together

 

[mikey2012]

Dude, serious, your situation is exactly like mine. Exactly! The Love, the breakup, the NC, getting back, found out about a dude, dumping her! It is the same situation

Now you have two options.

The first one is do what I've done which is getting desperate and chase her after some weeks, which will give her all of your power, and will only cushion her fall and make her absolutely sure about the breakup. This will make her despise you, being indiferent to you and you will have a hard time trying to get some closure out of it. It has been 5 months now, and I still cry EVERY SINGLE DAY. And I know that since I've chased her so much, she is not going to talk to me at all. Ever again. And this is what hurts the most. And if I want to have a decent chance to talk to her again, it is going to be in the Long Run. I mean 2 to 3 years run, so that she sees that I've stoped chasing and moved on with my life.

Or

Remain no contact for at least 3 months, which will drive her crazy, 'cause she still have feelings for you, and after this 3 (long and painfull I advise) months, you will be certain if she is worth it or not. She will probably send you lots of messages, but if you remain no contact, she will respect you more in the long run, and will always, and when I say always I mean always, keep this feeling with her. Wheter you guys get back or not. Eventually she will say she does not want to get back, but just want to clear the air, to have some closure, but she will want you back the minute you snap your fingers.

Now it is up to you to decide which position do you want.
You want the upper hand, suffer for a while, and then get some decent closure, and always have her as a f**k buddy.
Or you want her to despise you, and keep you suffering for months (or even years) to come, without having the closure we all want, and not having her at you card list.

One thing that I can tell you for sure is, just like mine was, this guy she is with is just a rebound, she will compare him to you, and WILL be disapointed. So don't be affraid that you are losing her to him.

But aside from this, remember, she did broke up with you to try another guy, so open your eyes for this. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If she had the guts to do this once, and in a period you guys were so much in love, don't go assuming that she won't do it again.

Check this link as the dude above said. You might find out some insightfull s**t about this "crazy" and out of the blue behavior of hers!

http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

And on a personal note, if you choose the first option, you are on for a terrible ride, of emotional pain, shame, guilt, fear and confusion. Besides the fact that you will be checking this page far more than you would have liked to.
I'm in day 14 of No Contact by the way. And it Sucks to be so early on, after so much time, knowing I will not going to have the closure as some guys in here that remained no contact had.

If you are so in doubt, check back some pages, and check the stories of Jariel, Renegade357, Soulforge, MachTwo, Blazing, GADavid which were in the same position you (and me) are, and remained No contact. All of their ex's tried all of the old tricks on the book, they remained NC, and the girls always came back, or they got closure, which rests the soul.
I, on the otherhand, am still strugling with myself, knowing that my own anxiety had killed any chances I had of closure. Do some reading, check their posts, and check mine as well. Do yourself this favor, and see which side you think it's better.

Best of Luck man!

All you noobs should read this

 

[mikey2012]

Yeah I see. I don't why but I feel that I would get a reaction from her. It was like 4 weeks ago ( broke up 3 weeks ago) she was all in love etc but then would get in moods again. There's so many "what if I did this?" Going through my head. Maybe if I didn't brake up with her in the first place it wouldn't of got to this stage. But I HAVE to keep telling myself if she really wanted me shouldn't of talked to me like that. I have to just accept that if she really wanted me should come to me. I just can't help feeling like I need (and she wants me) to be the one to instigate us talking or trying to get together

You said it yourself. If she wants you she will find you. Enuf said

 

[mikey2012]

Decided to bounce around on the NC thread and thought this may be a good piece for you guys to read. I posted this about a year ago on the BB forum on my journey to become the man again after taking the red pill to help guys see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is still being circulated to this day. It is quite the read but i have been where you are at and worse. Use this as a catalyst for change and you will be stronger than ever.

Ok bro. Let me break this down for you. The reason she left you is because you have become a beta who stopped viewing himself as the prize and became predictable with no challenge. Relationship got stale and even though you say you were doing the small things which are cute, she wanted you to be the confident, challenging, unpredictable, smartass you once were. She is a decent looking broad so I would assume you are (or were) a pretty legit bro. The response to her text shows how off your inner game has become in the last 7.5 years and how much of a pus you have become. Please keep in mind that this is all said with bro love and the best intentions for you.

And believe me - she is getting her cheeks clapped by some other guy right now. You may not see it now - but this is an ok thing and as long as you take my advice and start being the bro you once were who doesn't give a chit about anything but becoming and being the man again, you will not only have her interested and attracted to you again, but you will be in a position to where you will not need her and be completely self content

I was in your position a year ago after getting dumped by a blonde bombshell more attractive than yours. Im 26 - and although I did not go completely beta as you did, I was still a wreck for 4-5 months. The mornings were the worst. The smartest thing you can do right now if she texts you say "I have been thinking and breaking up was the best thing for us - I've realized that I no longer feel the same as well. The relationship has gone stale and we need no contact for a long time so we can both move forward." This will be counterintuitive to your betaness right now but you will see my wisdom 4-5 months from now. Right now you need to eliminate all of her power over you in order to spark attraction down the line. Attraction becoming the bro you once were for YOURSELF, not her. Because at one point in time, you needed no girl and probably had a lot of them and didn't give a chit about anyone but yourself.

The sooner you start your journey the better.

Starting today, you read a few books on PUA. Don't feel like reading? check out julienfreetour on youtube. All free and better than David Deangelo and what not although they are good too. This guy is gold and will give you the tools you need Not to necessarily to get you laid or improve your game with girls (although intentionally and unintentionally it will), but to reestablish the spark in you and become the f***** man again. For yourself. To realize that you have the world by the balls and need no bich or anyone else but you to become a king of your own world The only person you have to live with for the rest of your life is yourself. You feel like a phaggot right now because you have put all of your self worth on her view of you. Right now her view of you undoubtedly is a pus. However, once you let her know that you don't want her anymore and feel the relationship fell off - you will immediately feel more in control, have more control, and can start your new life for YOU. Trust me the only reason you really feel like sh*t is because you went out like a winey lovesick beta and she doesn't find that attractive. Flip the script, and get your balls back.

From there - start talking to massive amounts of chicks, lift, and fake it til you make it. Tease, make fun, be ****y/funny, witty, a smartass, bust balls, start being the prize again, flirt, be a challenge, and don't give you ex the time of day...yet. If she contacts, be polite, extremely short because you are broken up and that's what exes do. Do not be her b**** doorstep. Work your ass off - 70 hrs a week if possible and party your balls off on the weekend. Do not worry about anyone else but improving your money, your aesthetics, and putting your c*** in as much new strange as possible. And if you get rejected (by time you do about 5 months of this, you wont) on to the next one because you are the prize. Treat girls like dogs and they'll beg for a treat. Treat them like queens and they'll make you your slave. Obviously do not be a ****head but be the funny playful jerk who needs no one and watch em flock.

You're ex will eventually be beating your door down. From there it is up to you - by time you get to where I am, you wont need the bich and with how much you have became the man again in 6 months to a year, you will be able to play her like a fiddle as well as every other you have been banging. (SRS)

Getting dumped was the best thing that ever happened to me even tho I was on the verge of depression shortly after like you are. Woke up one day and said f this. I been wrapped up in this relationship for too long and need to get back to bein who I was and being the man again. Since then, have become the CSO of my company at 26, 6 figure, just bought a 26' express cruiser for lake Michigan this summer, became buff and healthy, banged many chicks including her friends, constantly banging 2-3 different girls, went on vacations with chicks, f**** a broad on the front of a Royal Carribean cruise ship on the way back to port like f**** Titanic and my inner game has improved 10 fold and I honestly feel that I've never been more confident and can have the world by the balls. So many new friends and stronger relationships with the guys and all this was unattainable while focusing on some 5 year relationship on the verge of getting married. Best thing that ever happened to me. And now, my ex can't even touch me emotionally eventho I have her swallowing my Alpha Nut on the reg as well as her friends and any girl who will give me 5 seconds to melt her mind with banter and confidence.

Be the bro you once were for you and you will see your life improve everywhere. Work hard at everything, Put yourself first and all else will fall into place. People flock to that sh*t. Best advice my good friend/father figure/gazillionaire boss ever gave me. And I was down as low as you - Make it happen player. Best decision you will ever make.

Sorry for so long but want to get this point across to all the bros who have turned into p****** and let some chick get the best of them. Never again.

Inspirational

 

[JJ07]

All you noobs should read this

That's actually really helpful. One thing though, my ex was with another guy before our 3 yet relationship for 2 years. And when she saw him she felt nothing for him, cause she was with me

 

[bateman72]

Fvcking insomnia...any tips to go to sleep?

 

[cgr68311]

cgr, FFS. Why are you doing this? what do you think you can get out of your txt? You're lucky if she responds, you gave away all the power now. Cool down, don't panic and NO CONTACT for at least a month!! and then, she has to contact you, not vice versa!

Joker79.. you are right, I should not have done that. She did not respond. LOL I am fine though, I have the support of my lovely young wife. This chick was my lover. And yes, I will give full disclosure in this forum of how psycho I am (at the relationship level, not career, parenting or otherwise)...

This chick I dated for the last 6 months, I met at a club, she gave me ASD shyt from July - Sept '13 I had been spinning a couple more plates but it became a challenge to me. She did not know I was married. Later I told her I was just in case but still hid my previous marriages. She swore to be a new Christian (reformed slut) and warned me right of the bat about all her rules (lol), including that she was 'saving herself' for her future husband for the last 2 years (yet found out she had had an ex fiancé who she said was only a friend (until I showed her proof off the internet) with whom she travelled all around).

In any case my wife, with whom I have the most fantastic understanding relationship, knew I fooled around but she began seeing infatuation signs and not doing rounds on other girls, so we talked. We both agreed that if I went too far, that she would email my lover about all the nitty gritty details I'd talk to her about. That is what she did around September. My lover did not care, she actually became more caring than ever but still no sex just hand jobs, etc. At that point, I decided to use my last power play card (besides the divorce/marriage card, talking about future children together, etc.) I told her that I would hire her for a fantastic IT analyst job (yeah, I know, my wife doesn't understand how I can manage the IT operations of a large medical campus and yet have so little emotional intelligence...). My ex lover immediately agreed and began training her for the job at cheap motels (we had gone into motels but she always resisted, she used to call them 'museums' because the first one we visited was a very antique B&B lol dumb bytch).

We had great sex countless of times for 2 months (oct-Nov) then I became sex obsessed and she began losing interest. then when the holidays came she began flirting with a 50 yr old dude (this is the 33 yr old single mom that was previously married to a 54 yr old man (now 58) to obtain a green card. That's when I broke up with her, went NC and was radiant about it until she contacted me 3 days later then I went fkn crazy, took her back UNDER her conditions (no more sex because of rediscovering her beliefs). At that point I got her attracted to me during Dec, was close to fk her again but a couple of things happened: I got so tired of her phoniness, she began giving me the 'don't you want my father to walk me down the aisle knowing I am pure and saved myself for my husband?" or the time I told her about buying 'ONE' condom at 7-11 which she then corrected me 'they sell them in packs of 3's).

Either way, I was getting lots of pressure from her (she had quit her self employed sales job to 'train' with me), her family and her neighbors about the so promised job, I even went as far as help her obtain a Microsoft entry level cert. The last week or so, I produced a fake divorce filing and sent her a snapshot via FB messenger, she then said 'it feels great, because prior to this, I did not 'exist' in your life", yet the next day she fwd me a copy of the email my wife sent; probably to pick a fight over it. So after so much pressure, I gave in to let her apply for the job, yet as she was filling in the application, I threw a fit over her ex husband being around. I sure could not jeopardize my job over this gold digging hoe. The rest you guys know it. It is Sunday morning, a time I'd usually attend church with her (not her real church where she meets all these rich 50 yr olds) but another neighborhood church we assisted for a few months. You guys want to hear something funny? During prayer times she would kneel down, close her eyes and raise her arms up high....

 

[cgr68311]

Fvcking insomnia...any tips to go to sleep?

shovel some snow

 

[joker79]

cgr, think you didn't see a lot of red flags and allowed tons of drama in your love life.
You don't need that, only a fool would enjoy this situation and do nothing about it. You need to calm down, relax, hit the "reset" button and breathe. I know it's not easy but take it as a test of your own strength and raw will power. Only pulling your **** together you'll be able to have a healthy and comfortable relationship. And please, delete her number, facebook, txt, whatever you're tempted to use to reach her out. She's gone and now you are in charge of your life and take care of yourself. You're a grown man and am sure you can handle it properly. If you're tempted to contact her, post in the forum instead.