The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[tripod23]

guys i am hurt really hurt , but i am never going to let this stop me from moving forward no way , when i was with her i did see and hear thing that she said that made me sit up and think have i just heard right ect ect.

but to be fair i gave her the benefit of the doubt , but once i realised she had a young dude round at her place within like 5 weeks i knew it was over to be honest.......i will admit i watched her movments to reconfirm what i was seeing.....it did sting , but deep down i already knew what she was up to.

this whole thing has just continued way longer from my point of view than it ever should , in my mind i am thinking how can someone go from saying they love you , to then do the things i am writing about here.

but this is what happends its just life , this is why i now say that if they try to fvck you around just do not put up with it , its just not worth the hassle seriously.

i am lucky to have a good strong will , and when someone tries to fvck me like this they are on a loser , my story which i have put on here is far more complex in real life , its just i have edited it down such a lot because to be honest the whole situation is ridiculous.

but guys these lessons are sent to show you the right path in life , there is a reason behind everything even tho you cant see it at the time .

i know have all the info i need and have needed to put to rest the last few months , its been a nightmare but luckily its done and dusted.

i have spent the tail end of this yr working hard and keeping my mindset on the job in hand which is moving forward , and in 2014 that will continue even more so , i have read a lot about bpd , passive behaviour and the like , all of which was knew to me , but going over things in my mind about her has rung some major alarm bells its fvcking scary .

i know this has made me very aware of what women are able to do without any feelings of guilt , they dont give a fvck about you when they are these sort of women , trust me they will say and do anything to get you into a position where they hold all the cards.....do not let this happen , buy them fvck all , treat them ok but dont go over the top by boosting their egos , never beg them if its over , read the signals your gut is telling you , and never give them any large amounts of money , not that i did thank god , but when you get roped in and you develop feelings this is where the problems start.

your instinct kick in for a reason , read those feelings , do not just ignore them because shes hot , because she can turn cold in a heartbeat, and you will be left picking up the pieces.....while she is getting tooled left right and centre.

just somethings to think about , i am just so glad i am at the tail end of this shytty drama.

good luck to you all hang in there guys.

 

[Jariel]

Sorry to hear about that Tripod. Stay strong mate. You are taking such a productive attitude to this and I know it will serve you well in the long term if you can keep it in your mind.

Sometimes we just make bad choices in our relationships and because we're so eager to think the best of them, we ignore all the red flags. Give it some time now and you'll look back and all those red flags you ignored will be glaringly obvious. The key is to make sure to pick up on them early in your next interactions with women/relationship.

I for one have blamed myself a lot for my relationship break down, thinking "if only I did this" or "if only I had manned up" but I look back now and even though it might've made a difference, my ex was not fit for a relationship and her expectations were ridiculous. The only way I could've truly manned up in that relationship was by walking away...and (although not as smoothly as I'd hoped) that's actually what I did in the end.

I heard someone say that a broken relationship is like a broken mirror. It's better to sweep away the pieces and walk away than to hurt yourself trying to put them back together.

This is one thing most of us guys, maybe even all of us guys, have in common - we all needed to walk away from our broken relationship.

 

[orbion2013]

Sorry to hear about that Tripod. Stay strong mate. You are taking such a productive attitude to this and I know it will serve you well in the long term if you can keep it in your mind.

Sometimes we just make bad choices in our relationships and because we're so eager to think the best of them, we ignore all the red flags. Give it some time now and you'll look back and all those red flags you ignored will be glaringly obvious. The key is to make sure to pick up on them early in your next interactions with women/relationship.

I for one have blamed myself a lot for my relationship break down, thinking "if only I did this" or "if only I had manned up" but I look back now and even though it might've made a difference, my ex was not fit for a relationship and her expectations were ridiculous. The only way I could've truly manned up in that relationship was by walking away...and (although not as smoothly as I'd hoped) that's actually what I did in the end.

I heard someone say that a broken relationship is like a broken mirror. It's better to sweep away the pieces and walk away than to hurt yourself trying to put them back together.

This is one thing most of us guys, maybe even all of us guys, have in common - we all needed to walk away from our broken relationship.

i love the broken mirror analogy... this is true.... the mistake we guys make is, hanging around too long... when you know sh@t has hit the fan... you know this girl is not all that you hoped for... it's time to walk...

 

[orbion2013]

i have a question guys????

i went ghost on my ex now 4 weeks ago... exactly after 6 days she sent me an email, saying that it was over!

i ignored everyone one of her emails... and only read one of them

she sent 7 emails over the space of two days.... my guess is her hamster started to spin, when she got no reaction or reply

but... in one of the emails she was baiting me...

she said I KNOW YOU WILL NOT REPLY BACK!!

now by going ghost & no contact.... does this make me come across as bieng butt hurt?? does this project i am too hurt, to reply back to her??

 

[joker79]

El Souave gave you the correct answer already:

"they can't stand not knowing how you feel about the whole situation if you don't respond! First she will think you are too hurt to respond (she likes that thought, it makes her feel almighty), then she will start to think that you don't care. That you never cared. They are insecure like that. Next, she will think she is not good enough and that's why you never cared.
You know how you think in your head every minute of the day about her right now? That's exactly what she is doing, too. The moment you text or email her, she's not gonna think **** about you besides that you are a spineless little maggot that gave in and contacted her because he was thinking to much about her and couldn't take it anymore.
Your choice.
Remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. It drives them crazy to be ignored."

stop thinking about her buddy, delete the emails, block her on facebook, go running, hit the gym, hang out with your friends. It's just a matter of time

 

[Jariel]

I echo everything Joker posted.

There's so much power in uncertainty. One of the reasons my head got so fvcked up by my ex is because I had no idea what was going on. On one hand, I was thinking she still loved me and was just bitter, on the other I thought she'd stopped loving me completely. I didn't know if she had moved on and all this uncertainty just kept her stuck on my mind.

And yet, the moment I learned she was not interested in reconciling and was seeing someone else, I got closure. It hurt, yes, but all those questions and unsolved puzzles going on in my head were now answered and I finally realised there's nothing left to do or say.

We can use this uncertainty in our favour. Leaving her guessing is way more effective than arguing, insulting or wrapping things up for her, because it keeps you on her mind.

 

[orbion2013]

El Souave gave you the correct answer already:

"they can't stand not knowing how you feel about the whole situation if you don't respond! First she will think you are too hurt to respond (she likes that thought, it makes her feel almighty), then she will start to think that you don't care. That you never cared. They are insecure like that. Next, she will think she is not good enough and that's why you never cared.
You know how you think in your head every minute of the day about her right now? That's exactly what she is doing, too. The moment you text or email her, she's not gonna think **** about you besides that you are a spineless little maggot that gave in and contacted her because he was thinking to much about her and couldn't take it anymore.
Your choice.
Remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. It drives them crazy to be ignored."

stop thinking about her buddy, delete the emails, block her on facebook, go running, hit the gym, hang out with your friends. It's just a matter of time

already hitting the gym, running etc... i wouldn't say i am overly heart broken, because i was going to dump her anyway... had enough of the mind games!

it's still hard tho

 

[orbion2013]

I echo everything Joker posted.

There's so much power in uncertainty. One of the reasons my head got so fvcked up by my ex is because I had no idea what was going on. On one hand, I was thinking she still loved me and was just bitter, on the other I thought she'd stopped loving me completely. I didn't know if she had moved on and all this uncertainty just kept her stuck on my mind.

And yet, the moment I learned she was not interested in reconciling and was seeing someone else, I got closure. It hurt, yes, but all those questions and unsolved puzzles going on in my head were now answered and I finally realised there's nothing left to do or say.

We can use this uncertainty in our favour. Leaving her guessing is way more effective than arguing, insulting or wrapping things up for her, because it keeps you on her mind.

i see exactly what you mean jariel.... but the problem is... we guys sit around pondering, what the f@ck happen.. where is she.. who is she with etc etc

because we do not have any other options!

it is our hamster that is spinning... but most of the time, she has already branch swung to some other dude & in this case, she may occasionaly think about us... but more than likley is happy away banging the next victim!

 

[joker79]

it's only a matter of lack of options. You forgot to spin plates. You think she's your one... but there's NO ONE. You give her huge value because of her look and forget her actions (mind games).

You should always have a plan B. If you had a couple of chicks to call right now, you wouldn't give a **** about your ex.

I've been lots of times in your situation in my youth (i'm 34 now and hopefully wiser) and sometimes I shot on my feet acting butthurt, replying to txts and emails and being too friendly and keeping in touch with 'em. Was hoping that sometime they would figure their mistake out and run back to me. better, crawl back to me. It never happened.What did I get out of my friendly behaviour? Nothing! I just wasted time g instead of improving and dating other girls.

Remember: you can buy everything but you CAN'T buy more time. If you use it the wrong way, you won't get it back.

Do yourself a favour, read all Rollo's stuff, it helped me a lot

http://therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/

and then close your laptop and improve yourself

 

[joker79]

because we do not have any other options!

we start to see the light at least

 

[orbion2013]

I am with the others. NOT knowing how you feel, being IGNORED, is killing her.

That is why she baited you with "I KNOW you will not respond to this" She was figuring THAT would draw you out, lol.

They really are like children sometimes.

El suave summed it up nicely.


What the h3ll is that whirring noise?? Can anyone else hear that??

Oh, never mind, that is just the hamster wheel.....

haha i love it... i guess another thing that i have in my advantage is the fact, that i went ghost on her days before she sent me that email ending it... she heard nothing from me for 6 days & she probably knew that i had chnaged my number.

so she was trying to dump someone, who had already gone... vanished

she knew it was over.. she knew there was no chance in hell i would talk to her again after the disrespect she showed me.... so the only option she had left, was to try to end it....

but i gave her NO closure.... i hope that hamster is going ape sh@t

 

[orbion2013]

it's only a matter of lack of options. You forgot to spin plates. You think she's your one... but there's NO ONE. You give her huge value because of her look and forget her actions (mind games).

You should always have a plan B. If you had a couple of chicks to call right now, you wouldn't give a **** about your ex.

I've been lots of times in your situation in my youth (i'm 34 now and hopefully wiser) and sometimes I shot on my feet acting butthurt, replying to txts and emails and being too friendly and keeping in touch with 'em. Was hoping that sometime they would figure their mistake out and run back to me. better, crawl back to me. It never happened.What did I get out of my friendly behaviour? Nothing! I just wasted time g instead of improving and dating other girls.

Remember: you can buy everything but you CAN'T buy more time. If you use it the wrong way, you won't get it back.

Do yourself a favour, read all Rollo's stuff, it helped me a lot

http://therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/

and then close your laptop and improve yourself

yes exactly... the truth is, she was only worth keeping around as a f@ck buddy... there was nothing else she could offer me!

now that i have stepped away, i totally see where i went wrong.... even considering a relationship with her, was a stupid thing to do...

i intend to learn from this & start spinning plates & get my sh@t together

 

[tripod23]

jariel , im ok mate .....i am just more pissed off with myself , but i know that will pass in time , infact i know all these feelings will pass in time , and i also know there will never be another minute of my time that she will get from me.

the one thing that has always amazed me is how they can tell you they love you , miss you , and want you , but yet they still try to play with your feelings , as if your a child that cant see whats really going on , just totally fvcked up .

one thing i have to be thankfull for is that i have reached the age i am without being shafted with children , buying houses only to find out shes leaving you for some other muss and wants half the house , not emptied the bank account like my mate had done to him , divorce , marriage , and all the rest of it , i have been very lucky in that way .

i have no doubt i have missed out in other areas of my life , but i look at in a way that you cant have everything your own way all of the time.

as this year is coming to an end i have been doing a lot of thinking , and in a way i am very greatfull for this lesson , as painfull as its been it has also shown me a lot of things that could easily gone under the radar if i hadnt have had my eye open and listened to that nagging gut feeling i kept getting.

coming here has also helped a great deal , venting off , and giving my thoughts on other situations has been very good , im glad i found this website , but again it was meant to be because thats how life works and we should all never forget that.......peace guys

 

[Dgwizdal]

Thanks for the replies guys..

What's really REALLY annoying me right now is. That I think she genuinely believes that I should be the one coming back to her and wanting her. Even though she was in the wrong. I don't think she is even considering what she has done because all she she believes is that I should just be fighting for her! If I want her! (She said something along these lines the other night). So we are probably in the same position i.e. Both hurting but both to stubborn because we feel the other one should fight for them.


She may also be hurt because I broke up with in the first place for her being so horrible. But fact is I backed out of that and she was the one who said leave. She's just shocked and annoyed that I actually stopped begging

Yes you have done things right this far for te most part aside from the first round of AFCness. However, although you both May be hurting (bc you played it right) it is far too soon to try and reestablish rapport or give her ANY real validation that you care. The reason it backfired when you got switched from dumper to dumpee was bc you tried to reestablish rapport TOO SOON.

You still have alot of power and are far better off than alot of guys at this point. Do not validate her decision by supplicating - her being mad is a result of her direct interest and doubt that she made the right decision not to mention her ego. Demonstrate higher value - Keep on the straight and narrow for atleast 3-4 months until things cool and you will be proud and in control. You will have more or less of a clean slate for a fwb or completely saying f*ck you with your balls still intact; granted your awesomeness and lack of f*cks given is solid until then. Prove to yourself you are as strong and bada** as you, her, and all the new girls you should be banging thinks you are and the Ginas will tingle with hate and/or love.

 

[mikey2012]

All women have the ability to cheat given the right guy .

 

[cgr68311]

All women have the ability to cheat given the right guy .

I shall pass this verbally to the future generations

 

[bateman72]

day 18 BROKE no contact, a cautionary tale

Guys:

I just broke no contact and it is a fvcking disaster. From my original post, to establish a timeline


"After a solid loving week together in her city, I flew home for the weekend and then came back the following Monday. My phone had been lost the previous week and I ended up getting the same phone as her. While out for drinks I inadvertently picked up her phone instead of mine.

"hey gi*** this is Blake from OKC, I am on the way to you now"

In a rush I remembered that in fact the night before she had slept at some "friends" house.

I stood up, walked out of the club got in a taxi and went to my hotel room. I sent one SMS, "*****". She responded with a bunch of texts and phone calls to my hotel that I didn’t pick up.

At the hotel I deleted all her numbers, email address, facebook etc. I did a bit of snooping on okc and compared her lies about where she spent Sunday night with the details on the dudes profile. Pretty clear she had spent the night with a guy the Sunday before I flew back to town. To top it off, the dude looks like a stud and is about 12 years younger than me. ****ing english teacher.

It sounds gay as **** but this shock came at the 90 day mark of a very passionate very intimate affair and we had just spent a full week in each others arms . Dare I say, we were "deeply in love" I am not exaggerating when is say everything was perfect. My reaction to that text can only be described as "shock and awe". I was numb, dumbstruck, and intimately, viciously "butthurt""


1)above is day one no contact.

2) she tried to contact me at day 11, multiple calls and emails while I was visiting her city. I did not respond.

3) day 16 is Christmas day, she doesn't message me

4)The evening of the 25th I spend a sleepless night just obsessing over her. I never go to sleep but I manage not to contact her.


The next day I wake up, take a six hour flight to another country. I spend the entire flight thinking about her. stuff like "I think she really loves me" or "maybe I am jumping to conclusions" or "maybe she didn't really fvck that guy" etc.

I land in my destination country, get about 2 hours sleep before heading to do a presentation. I do my presentation and then get back on another flight heading home. at this point I have had about three hours sleep in 48 hours.

I spent my return flight napping and thinking of her. I land, a friend calls and tells me "hey..im taking you out tonight, I hear you have had a bit of lady problems"

We go out and my friend passes me a couple of pills which I take. two hours later I am on my phone sending this email to her:

"I just took a bunch of "..." and im thinking about you, can you tell me something that will make us ok again?"

Hit send. my friend walks up and takes my phone away from me.


This email was sent to her at 3:00am. I know she doesn't carry a smart phone with her. it is 1:00pm the next day and of course there is no response from her.

why no response you may ask? Because I sent this on a Friday night and my ex is a huge party girl. the type of girl that is not going to be home on a Friday night.

I broke no contact at a low point guys. No sleep, under the influence of substances, and totally in the wrong state of mind.

In the clear light of day I know there is actually nothing she could say that would make everything ok. I also know that I entered a LTR with an inappropriate girl and that this breakup is supposed to me a good thing.

so, restarting no contact again. I got to get serious about getting over this girl. thanks for listening.

 

[mikey2012]

Maintain no contact if you beg and she comes back she will no respect you and will cheat on you. If she wants to come back don't make it easy for her. Make her beg

 

[mikey2012]

Guys:

I just broke no contact and it is a fvcking disaster. From my original post, to establish a timeline


"After a solid loving week together in her city, I flew home for the weekend and then came back the following Monday. My phone had been lost the previous week and I ended up getting the same phone as her. While out for drinks I inadvertently picked up her phone instead of mine.

"hey gi*** this is Blake from OKC, I am on the way to you now"

In a rush I remembered that in fact the night before she had slept at some "friends" house.

I stood up, walked out of the club got in a taxi and went to my hotel room. I sent one SMS, "*****". She responded with a bunch of texts and phone calls to my hotel that I didn’t pick up.

At the hotel I deleted all her numbers, email address, facebook etc. I did a bit of snooping on okc and compared her lies about where she spent Sunday night with the details on the dudes profile. Pretty clear she had spent the night with a guy the Sunday before I flew back to town. To top it off, the dude looks like a stud and is about 12 years younger than me. ****ing english teacher.

It sounds gay as **** but this shock came at the 90 day mark of a very passionate very intimate affair and we had just spent a full week in each others arms . Dare I say, we were "deeply in love" I am not exaggerating when is say everything was perfect. My reaction to that text can only be described as "shock and awe". I was numb, dumbstruck, and intimately, viciously "butthurt""


1)above is day one no contact.

2) she tried to contact me at day 11, multiple calls and emails while I was visiting her city. I did not respond.

3) day 16 is Christmas day, she doesn't message me

4)The evening of the 25th I spend a sleepless night just obsessing over her. I never go to sleep but I manage not to contact her.


The next day I wake up, take a six hour flight to another country. I spend the entire flight thinking about her. stuff like "I think she really loves me" or "maybe I am jumping to conclusions" or "maybe she didn't really fvck that guy" etc.

I land in my destination country, get about 2 hours sleep before heading to do a presentation. I do my presentation and then get back on another flight heading home. at this point I have had about three hours sleep in 48 hours.

I spent my return flight napping and thinking of her. I land, a friend calls and tells me "hey..im taking you out tonight, I hear you have had a bit of lady problems"

We go out and my friend passes me a couple of pills which I take. two hours later I am on my phone sending this email to her:

"I just took a bunch of "..." and im thinking about you, can you tell me something that will make us ok again?"

Hit send. my friend walks up and takes my phone away from me.


This email was sent to her at 3:00am. I know she doesn't carry a smart phone with her. it is 1:00pm the next day and of course there is no response from her.

why no response you may ask? Because I sent this on a Friday night and my ex is a huge party girl. the type of girl that is not going to be home on a Friday night.

I broke no contact at a low point guys. No sleep, under the influence of substances, and totally in the wrong state of mind.

In the clear light of day I know there is actually nothing she could say that would make everything ok. I also know that I entered a LTR with an inappropriate girl and that this breakup is supposed to me a good thing.

so, restarting no contact again. I got to get serious about getting over this girl. thanks for listening.

Guys learn from this . Maintain no contact. Don't contact her .

 

[Lotus Effect]

It is all ok mate!

It happens. I have done worse than that. I've sent my ex a 3 pages long email. And it was calculated. I was not under the influence of anything besides the love drug.

So all you can do, and I do hope you follow this advice is leave it as it is!
She might try to reel you in. Or she may not.

If she does and you DO get back, it will last less than a month, that is the general rule, and with you WILL NOT BE DIFFERENT. It will be cool at the first week, and then she will treat you like sh*t again!

Now, what you should do is. Whatever the F she does, you remain commited to No Contact.

Sometimes you will slip. This was one of the times. You will begin to see her true collors when you don't get what you expected to get with that message. And only then you will get serious about getting over her!

Stay strong, and let this be your first and last slip!

Look at me now. I'm NC for almost 3 months. I'm a member of this site since october, which is basically 2 months ago. I did all this stupid crap. But ever since I commited I've became a man that have self respect and value.

Stick to it man! If you want to fully believe me READ THIS! It is my first field report.
And I've just wrote it because I had a 3some on Xmas eve. I did it. You can do it!

Keep it up. And whenever you plan to do some stupid sh*t. Ask us first!

Peace