The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[POTATOE]

Hi all,

New here. Been reading and found this site useful!

Anyhow, broke up with my ex one month ago, bad breakup. Two days ago, found out she got mugged, but i still remain NC with her.

 

[StayingHopeful]

Day 20 of NC i think. Idk I lost track. I havent been in contact with her since the last incident i mentioned but last night was almost too tough to handle. I went out with a few friends to drink and by pure coincidence, every place we ended up going to had a significant place in my last relationship. My mood declined with every stop and I eventually ended up back at home wallowing in self pity and drinking myself into oblivion.

 

[TheGambino]

Stay strong stayinghopeful it won't make any sense to contact her believe me, move on talk to other girls focus on other things I know it's hard but trying to contact her won't help you at all. Move on for your own sake she will get back to you eventually and then you should close the deal and tell her it's over.

 

[StayingHopeful]

Stay strong stayinghopeful it won't make any sense to contact her believe me, move on talk to other girls focus on other things I know it's hard but trying to contact her won't help you at all. Move on for your own sake she will get back to you eventually and then you should close the deal and tell her it's over.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I refuse to contact her for anything. Im not giving her the satisfaction of knowing im still bothered by the situation but i guess im just not truly over it yet. I just really need the strength to make it through this. I cant really talk to my friends about it anymore either cuz they all just say the same thing "get over it. She moved on and you should have already too."

I've been talking to a couple other girls but I always find myself in the friendzone and kicking myself in the ass for it. Thats been my downfall for as long as i can remember. My screen name has basically become a lie. Im not "StayingHopeful" at all...

 

[drakeramore]

Hey StayingHopeful,

I feel your pain, I am even behind you in this journey - am on day #12.

I know for a fact that my ex girl lives with another guy so no hope for me for getting back together at all.

Stay with the NC, man. She just contacted me although I must say that, at least for the moment, made the situation worse. I was kind of getting used to not having any news from her and her not existing for me anymore in my life. I, myself, will stick to the NC no matter what.

It is the only thing that will heal me, in time.

Stay strong - keep yourself working, busy, working out, get yourself to experience new things, talk with people (not about your situation - just about some stuff that you find interesting). Keep yourself from staying on your own and in your head - it is a recipe for depression, doubts, regrets, reminiscing all the great moments with your ex girl, you name it.

Take care of yourself, appreciate who you are and what you stand for (this NC is also part of what you stand for, of the values you are ready to get behind), don't take urself for granted. I don't interpret the NC as some kind of head-games I am playing with my ex girl, it is just the shortest way to my recovery and healing.

What needs to be done is to just forget about her and what it was to have her in my life. It will be hard, I have a long way to go still and I do still, at times, fall prey to depressive thoughts etc but am determined to continue this (terrible at times) journey.

 

[Tack]

Day 58 here so I've nearly hit the arbitrary 60. Just yesterday morning I felt really down about her for a few minutes after I saw her favourite Christmas advert on TV again. Such a pathetically small thing but it spurred memories of watching TV with her family around this time last year which really stung.

At no point did I ever even come close to doing it but I certainly contemplated how easy it would be to message her. Poof. Just like that.

I think the indication from that little episode was that I'm feeling generally lonely at the moment as opposed to longing specifically for her. It was her family that I realised I miss, which I feel is entirely fair given there isn't even a drop of ill will between them and I (the last thing I said to her was to give them my thanks!). It's end of semester 1 exam time at university so I've not been hanging out with friends at all the past few weeks, I imagine that's where this has stemmed from.

It'll be good to get back home with my family for Chritmas and relax a bit come Friday when my break begins. Come next semester I'll be able to start out entirely fresh with no hint of a shadow looming over me, looking forward to it.

 

[tripod23]

drakermore and stayinghopefull........listen guys I am with you all the way , I am now at 3 months of zero contact with my ex , boy it is tough really tough , but making contact with them will not help at all .

if you contact your ex she will most likely rub a little bit more salt in your wounds , which will be so fvcking nasty that you will be wishing you had left her alone.

every situation is different I realise this , but think very long and hard before doing anything.....I cannot stress this enough,,,,

if you have a chick or 2 on the books then you should find it a little easier , I haven't got anything on the go as we speak , and if I being honest with myself I am not in the right place at the moment to even be putting any effort in to find some chicks to spin....probably because I have a lot of other shyt going on which is taking my mind of my situation ever so slightly.

but if you have spare time on your hands then nc can be hard to get through , but having time to spare is a great reason to look after yourself , try to focus on making more folding [ money ] or maybe try to start a small business on the side to what you do already , try not to let things get you down if poss , easier said than done , but its very important that you keep level headed , getting pissed is a nightmare because all the memorys flood back I know , but stay strong fellas and things will get better.

I hope things improve soon for you , but always remember things can always be worse.

stay positive

good luck to you both

 

[mkj1990]

Wow, this has been an interesting and hard weekend...

On friday, after beeing in NC for 61 days, my ex asked me out. I said that I'm in the middle of a busy period, and didn't have time. She replied with "ok", but after an hour or so she texted me again: "Please be honest, don't you want to see me?". I texted back saying that I first of all really don't have the time for her right now, and second of all don't make plans with someone who over the last year continuously has been flaking on me.

What followed was a series of texts on how much she misses me, wants me back, regret all of her actions and so on.

For the first time since the breakup I wrote her a long text. Pretty much just saying that she had proven to me time and time again that I can't trust her, breaking up with me 3 times in one year, hurting me a series of times in different ways. She begged some more, but eventually said she understands.

But the next night, she drunk-dialed me series of times (I didn't pick up), and drunk-texted me - begging me once more to take her back, trying to convince me that she has changed. I was pretty drunk as well, so I eventually answered her: "This is what you wanted, isn't it? And now your getting it. You said it was not up for discussion back then, so I don't see why you suddenly want to discuss it now. I can't trust you."

She replied with: "That's all I needed to hear. Good night".

But it wasn't quite over, because sunday morning she texted me that I could've texted her in a gentler matter the previous night. My respons was: "We should never text like that we're drunk. It's never pretty. Just know that I'm not mad at you or anything, this is just the way it's gonna go down. No hard feelings. Take care"

The last text I got from her was: "No hard feelings"

---------------------------------------------------

So that's what ruined my weekend, and monday as well. Because now I can't get her out of my head once more.

I'm pretty proud of my self for rejecting her cry to take her back (I wouldn't have done the same a couple of months ago)

My ex has so many traits of a BPD (borderline personality disorder). I'm not sure if this is the last time I'll ever hear from her, and that has kind of ****ed up my head a bit right now.

I know deep inside that you shouldn't stay in contact with your ex, but truth is I still care for this girl, though I don't want her back. So it stings a bit knowing that I might never speak to her again.

But at the same time I know that she might keep hurting me, and the best way probably is that we keep our distance.

What I've realized over the last two months is that I have to do this for my self, and not to fvck up her life in any way.

A couple of weeks ago I would've though that if she begged me to take her back, I would just be smiling and laughing. But it really set me back a couple of steps on the path of recovery, because now she's running like poison through my head again. Has any of you experienced the same thing?

 

[tripod23]

mkj1990 . i have had the same thing this yr with my ex , we broke up she found another dude , a friend by the way , she saw him for a few months , i knew about it very soon after our breakup , she wouldnt tell me the truth , she was just fvcking with my head all along , she kept saying i still love you , i miss you , all the same shyt , i confronted her and told her what i thought of her behaviour,,,,,a little chump like if im honest , but i didnt give a shyt she needed telling , 6 weeks later she text me out of the blue , she wanted to see me , it hadnt worked with the rebound guy friend , we got back friends and then went out , but it wasnt the same mate,,,,,she was a different person.

deep down she knew she had my balls in the pam of her hand and she tried very hard to play me , but i was one step ahead so i fvcked her off and again told her what i thought in a very angry and serious manner.....she looked very scared to be honest, then i walked away.

that was 3 months ago and i havent heard anything from her and i have no doubt in my mind its over from both sides , its a shame because she was all over me at first , well for a long time really she chased me like you wouldnt believe , but i made some afc mistakes which will haunt me forever , but whats done is done ,

i know in my mind we had a great connection , and i think its hard to find if your honest with yourself , but there are lots of chicks who are genuine and looking for a decent guy , but they all have issues in some form or another .

your ex may have been totally genuine , or she could have bpd who knows , you have followed your heart and told her straight , she has fvcked you around , and you have shown her that your a man who wont put up with it, so its her loss . she will know deep down if your a good guy or not , hence the phone call and texts , it took balls for her to contact you tho , i know my ex wont contact me because of how i left it with her last time we spoke.

dont let it worry you, just carry on moving forward and keep in mind how she was a cvnt to you over the last yr or so.

her loss.

good luck fella

 

[drakeramore]

Hey guys, me again.

mkj1990, I can relate to what you are experiencing. As stated above, I am on day #13 of NC. My ex girl contacted me 3 days ago. I did not answer.

I won't hide that I got an ego boost out of it at first, felt a bit empowered, as if the balance was shifting in my favour.

Here she was asking me how I was, asking me to reply to her at least with some emoticon, anything. It was as if I had achieved some goal of sorts.

However, that quickly turned into some deep thoughts again related to her.
I am now questioning her motives - does she still care for me (she lives with another guy - one would guess it does not get more obvious than that ), does she do that out of pity for me (which would mean I am pathetic in her eyes, not a Man) and all kinds of overanalyzing sh!t.

Just like you mention above - her poison has been injected once again in my system, it seems like. Not good. Right now I feel like if she contacts me again I will reply to her and confront her which would lead to some useless drama and conflicts. What would be the point of that?

Anyway, just putting this here in words, I sure need to get it out of my system.

Sometimes I wonder if such a thing really exist - the concept of THE ONE, the only person you would be happy to live the rest of your life with. It does sound very far-fetched indeed but in our condition (in mine at least) it sure sounds very, very realistic and makes sense in all kinds of ways. Hence this feeling that we have lost something invaluable and it will never return again.

This thought is the very enemy I am fighting these days.

A prolonged period of NC should get me back on a more sensible track where rational and objective thinking should neutralize these fears, also the image of the "perfect" ex girl would get tainted by the negative traits she possesses in reality which I will then be able to see with more clarity. That is the goal at least.

 

[Lotus Effect]

60th day - The challenge is over. Or is it?

Hey guys! I'm back with the announcement that yesterday I just reached the mystical...

60 days of NC Mark!!!!

Well. What can I say...? Meh!

It has been 2 months that I completely cut off contact with her, and there is not much to say. I'm a little bit confused you know.

All this time, I was trying to improve my mindset, to get better, to feel better, but it was all with a hidden hope for her to come back and see all these changes. But now that is gone. Not the need that she came back crawling and begging for me, but the hope for it. It's kind of hard to accept it is over. You just don't want to believe it. You want to wake up from this bad nightmare next to her, but as time goes, you realise you are not sleeping after all. It happened. It's over. Move on!

As some said, and as I truly believe, it came for the best. The breakup opened my eyes to a pletora of mistakes on my person, as a 25 year old man. And steady and slowly I'm trying to make the changes I now know and believe are right and necessary.

It's sad losing someone. I still have bad nights. Almost every morning are filled with thoughts of her. But the experience and knowlegde I got from it are priceless. This is a realisation I had many times in the past, since the breakup, which happened 6 months ago, but as time goes, I'm always coming back to it, because it is true.

I have grown up A LOT in this past 6 months. And I've grown more in this past 60 days, that I have grown in the last 4 years. So yeah, that is some serious sh*t in my way to becoming a man.

But I am not going to say I didn't want her back. That would be a lie. But it's also a lie from my EGO. My Ego wants her back, because it is confortable. Because it don't want to grow out of the confort zone. And without her is scary. I have to go out. I have to be better. I have to be bold.
I have to be a MAN!

Of course loving someone is awesome and I wish I can feel like this again sometime with someone else. But trying to "make" love out of something that is gone is not love. It's attachment. It's clingness. It's not natural, so it's doomed to failure.

But above all that, and this I believe it has to do with some sort of self respect, I just could never go back to her.
I secretly hope she show up someday so I can ditch her, but then I think, "I would ditch her, and then I would feel bad for killing any chance I might had, and I would second thought myself". But wanting her back is wrong. For 2 reasons I see.

First, because of the self respect I've mentioned. Just the thought of her kissing, or sucking, or f*cking or licking the chest of another dude despises me to throw up level. I could never again feel confortable around her if she came back. It would never be the same. Just writing this stuff down right now makes me sick.

And second, feeding this secret hope is totally unproductive. I have to kill this belief. This wanting back. Getting back together. Having her again, whatever you want to name it. She dumped me. I chased her. She is not coming back. Period. Some dudes say "Oh, but she will eventually".
This is bad thinking. You wanna know why? Because everytime I open my email, I turn my phone up, I got a unknow dialer call, I hope that this time it will be her. There will be a message from her. That sh*t is wrong. It is over.

She dumped me for whatever reason she had. She did it! Why should I believe that one day she would want me back. She is getting what she wanted. Me, out of her life. Why would she want to change it? Some may she might show up for an ego boost sometime, or when some dude really hurts her she might try to contact me, because I'm trustable. Well, for the ego boost, she has it saved in her email inbox, a 3 pages long ego boost, so she does not need another one from me directly for some long long time (and she can always get it somewhere else), and when another dude hurts her, knowing her as I now know, she would already have some backup dude to satisfy her needs.

You may say this is loser thinking, but I say it is better off this way, I'm past to her. I'm dead to her. So this is what I have to believe.
She is PAST. She is DEAD.

It is impossible to go back in time, as it is impossible to bring the dead back to life...
So there is no way she could send me an email, since to me, she is only alive in 2012.

As off me, I'm working out, I'm eating right, I'm searching for a job that is right for me, and not for what my parents (or anyone else) believe it is right, I'm going out and having fun with my friends, I'm making new friends, I'm making girl friends which turn out to be amazing gatekeepers, and most specially, I'm dating other chicks, f*cking other chicks, making out with other chicks, being flaked by other chicks, being turned down by other chicks... And you know what? There are a LOT of other chicks.

Right now my only problem is getting rid of this belief she would show up one day. But as days goes by, and she does not show up, it hurt a little less. It is the acceptance period I guess

I say 60 days is just an arbitrary figure to help the recently wounded to have a plausible stipulated time. The real name of it should be
"The Forever NC challenge". You accept it, and you don't talk to her ever again. You just don't know this truth right off the bat.

Some Exs may show up to some dudes, some may not, but it's better that you don't feed this thought, and it's better that they really don't show up, that way you can heal faster and to the fullest. With her showing up, as many guys may have noticed, you get an instant ego boost, followed for an extended period of pain, doubt and confusion.

So yeah, what I had was special, but it is over. This is real life. But it is good after all. The real life. Being in a monogamous relationship means you are only f*cking one girl, if you have respect for the girl and for yourself. And this is what is good in being single. I'm f*cking everybody!
It was terrible in the begining though...

The first girl I f*cked after the breakup was terrible. The second I f*cked 3 or 4 times, and had to bail, because I just could not do it. The third one was ok, but as it went I had too many thoughts of my ex. Now I'm f*cking the 4th girl. It is not Oh that great, and I find myself thinking of the ex sometimes. But is very different from the first one. I'm enjoying the girl. I'm not f*cking her trying to mend my broken heart. I'm f*cking her because I'm excited by her.

GFTOW is probably a very true theory. The one-its spell is wearing off. Who knows what to expect from the other 6 chicks! haha

Anyway, this sh*t got bigger than I expected so for that I'm sorry. No one might end up reading it, but that is ok. Just writing this down and sharing this learning is pretty much reliefing.

I will still lurk around this thread, because there are lots and lots of valueable lessons to be learned in other people experiences, and because I'm always glad to help a fellow mate.

The 60 days are over, and I'm only looking forward to the next 60!

Peace!

 

[mikey2012]

I was just reading MaddXMan's post and I realised I had a very different experience when dumping one of my exes so I thought I'd share it here as a bit of inspiration and to give a dumper's perspective.

We had been together 4 years. The first 2 were amazing, but it was starting to get dull and routine, I was noticing her faults and our differences more and more and she was really starting to annoy me. I didn't feel much in common with her, I didn't enjoy her company much, I postponed seeing her as much as I could and I was falling out of love with her.

I'd started talking to another girl and was preparing to swing to another branch, so I decided it was time to finish with my girlfriend. I wrote her a letter and we spoke on the phone. I let her down as gently as I could, but I had no regrets, no doubts and just wanted her out of my life.

She was devestated and it broke her heart. For a week after, she kept texting me, trying to keep me in her life and each text made me cringe. I replied a few times, just trying to keep it civil, but I felt so guilty. She talked about missing my kisses and I dismissed the comments or didn't reply.

So, I went on a date with the new girl and it went very well. I liked her. We were texting on a daily basis and I barely gave a second thought to my ex. All I felt towards her was guilt for hurting her. A couple of weeks later, she stopped contacting me. It felt strange not to hear from her and I definitely noticed her absence, but I felt relieved and hoped she was moving on.

Another week went by with no contact and I started to wonder about her and if she was ok and what she was upto.

I went on a second date with the new girl and it was going well at first...but as the date progressed I started to have thoughts about my ex, started comparing them, started thinking about our history together and started thinking how I'd rather be with her. I have no idea why, because this new girl was hot, good company and really into me, whereas I hadn't been interested in my ex for a long time.

I ended up cutting the date short. I went home and kept thinking about my ex and whether I'd done the right thing. It was like a delayed reaction. I'd gone weeks barely thinking about her and now my mind was filled with thoughts of our holidays together, falling in love with her and all the good times we shared. I felt this urge to reach out to her, but I stopped myself. I figured it was unfair to mess her around and build up her hopes, so I didn't.

I broke it off with the new girl and spent the next week thinking about my ex until I reached the conclusion that I wanted her back.

It was about 1 and half months after the break up and about 3 weeks since I last heard from her and I decided to contact her just to say hi and see how she was. She replied in a friendly way and said she was doing ok. She'd bee busy, hanging out with friends and had started taking dance classes. We had a few catch up texts and she suggested meeting for a drink just as friends. She was playing it very cool and confident and it was winning me over.

So we met for the drink and she was still very cool and calm. She never mentioned what had happened, never suggested getting together and didn't flirt. It was all very casual and pressure free.

All I could think about was holding her and kissing her. At the end of the night I walked her to the car and we decided to sit inside and talk some more. I leaned in and kissed her. We kissed passionately and I told her "I still love you and I'm so sorry I let you go". She burst out crying, but didn't say anything. She just clung to me and kissed me.

We left that night and I assumed we were back together. I was on a high! I was almost in tears myself. I realised how much I'd missed her, how much I loved her. All those faults and differences I once found with her, all those reasons I had for dumping her seemed so insignificant now...just little quirks of her personality.

The next day I text her and said what a great night I had and poured on the sentiment. She replied saying much the same, but she told me "I just want us to be friends". My heart sank! I couldn't believe what was happening?! Only a month and half ago, I wanted her out of my life forever and she was desperate for me back, clinging to me, and now the roles had reversed.

I asked for clarification and she told me she'd been so hurt by me dumping her and the previous night when I told her I loved her it was what she'd been begging to hear for weeks, but she felt she was getting her life together and couldn't commit to me at that time.

The following weeks I felt much the same way I do now...dumped and heartbroken. I couldn't stop thinking about her, our great times together and how much she meant to me. I went out with friends and wallowed in self pity.

Then out of the blue she contacted me and suggested we meet up and, indirectly, suggested we become friends with benefits. And that's what happened. We dated just like old times, had sex, she stayed over and it was all the same, except we weren't labelling ourselves "a couple". But gradually, we eased back into a relationship. It was great being back together and all was well, but there had been a big power shift. I had always been the one in control, I had her in the palm of my hand, whereas now she held the cards and I knew she was capable of standing up for herself and walking out.

In the end, she branch swung to someone else and dumped me. I guess I deserved it.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you my story. It's a perfect example of someone using no contact and moving on as a way of winning back an ex, and the thoughts that went through my mind at the time. Obviously, that's not to say every situation is the same and it sounds like MaddXMan never looked back. But only good things can come of no contact.

Superb post. Everyone's should read this

 

[Jariel]

Wow, this has been an interesting and hard weekend...

On friday, after beeing in NC for 61 days, my ex asked me out. I said that I'm in the middle of a busy period, and didn't have time. She replied with "ok", but after an hour or so she texted me again: "Please be honest, don't you want to see me?". I texted back saying that I first of all really don't have the time for her right now, and second of all don't make plans with someone who over the last year continuously has been flaking on me.

What followed was a series of texts on how much she misses me, wants me back, regret all of her actions and so on.

For the first time since the breakup I wrote her a long text. Pretty much just saying that she had proven to me time and time again that I can't trust her, breaking up with me 3 times in one year, hurting me a series of times in different ways. She begged some more, but eventually said she understands.

But the next night, she drunk-dialed me series of times (I didn't pick up), and drunk-texted me - begging me once more to take her back, trying to convince me that she has changed. I was pretty drunk as well, so I eventually answered her: "This is what you wanted, isn't it? And now your getting it. You said it was not up for discussion back then, so I don't see why you suddenly want to discuss it now. I can't trust you."

She replied with: "That's all I needed to hear. Good night".

But it wasn't quite over, because sunday morning she texted me that I could've texted her in a gentler matter the previous night. My respons was: "We should never text like that we're drunk. It's never pretty. Just know that I'm not mad at you or anything, this is just the way it's gonna go down. No hard feelings. Take care"

The last text I got from her was: "No hard feelings"

---------------------------------------------------

So that's what ruined my weekend, and monday as well. Because now I can't get her out of my head once more.

I'm pretty proud of my self for rejecting her cry to take her back (I wouldn't have done the same a couple of months ago)

My ex has so many traits of a BPD (borderline personality disorder). I'm not sure if this is the last time I'll ever hear from her, and that has kind of ****ed up my head a bit right now.

I know deep inside that you shouldn't stay in contact with your ex, but truth is I still care for this girl, though I don't want her back. So it stings a bit knowing that I might never speak to her again.

But at the same time I know that she might keep hurting me, and the best way probably is that we keep our distance.

What I've realized over the last two months is that I have to do this for my self, and not to fvck up her life in any way.

A couple of weeks ago I would've though that if she begged me to take her back, I would just be smiling and laughing. But it really set me back a couple of steps on the path of recovery, because now she's running like poison through my head again. Has any of you experienced the same thing?

You did the right thing and I really hope you stick to it and avoid the temptation of going back.

I wish I'd have done what you did when my ex contacted me 50 days into No Contact. It was a total headfvck and my biggest regret was playing right into her hands, feeding her ego and asking her to try again only to be rejected and cast aside.

I'm sure this has messed with your head too, but stay strong and keep moving forward.

 

[Jariel]

Hey guys! I'm back with the announcement that yesterday I just reached the mystical...

60 days of NC Mark!!!!

Well. What can I say...? Meh!

It has been 2 months that I completely cut off contact with her, and there is not much to say. I'm a little bit confused you know.

All this time, I was trying to improve my mindset, to get better, to feel better, but it was all with a hidden hope for her to come back and see all these changes. But now that is gone. Not the need that she came back crawling and begging for me, but the hope for it. It's kind of hard to accept it is over. You just don't want to believe it. You want to wake up from this bad nightmare next to her, but as time goes, you realise you are not sleeping after all. It happened. It's over. Move on!

As some said, and as I truly believe, it came for the best. The breakup opened my eyes to a pletora of mistakes on my person, as a 25 year old man. And steady and slowly I'm trying to make the changes I now know and believe are right and necessary.

It's sad losing someone. I still have bad nights. Almost every morning are filled with thoughts of her. But the experience and knowlegde I got from it are priceless. This is a realisation I had many times in the past, since the breakup, which happened 6 months ago, but as time goes, I'm always coming back to it, because it is true.

I have grown up A LOT in this past 6 months. And I've grown more in this past 60 days, that I have grown in the last 4 years. So yeah, that is some serious sh*t in my way to becoming a man.

But I am not going to say I didn't want her back. That would be a lie. But it's also a lie from my EGO. My Ego wants her back, because it is confortable. Because it don't want to grow out of the confort zone. And without her is scary. I have to go out. I have to be better. I have to be bold.
I have to be a MAN!

Of course loving someone is awesome and I wish I can feel like this again sometime with someone else. But trying to "make" love out of something that is gone is not love. It's attachment. It's clingness. It's not natural, so it's doomed to failure.

But above all that, and this I believe it has to do with some sort of self respect, I just could never go back to her.
I secretly hope she show up someday so I can ditch her, but then I think, "I would ditch her, and then I would feel bad for killing any chance I might had, and I would second thought myself". But wanting her back is wrong. For 2 reasons I see.

First, because of the self respect I've mentioned. Just the thought of her kissing, or sucking, or f*cking or licking the chest of another dude despises me to throw up level. I could never again feel confortable around her if she came back. It would never be the same. Just writing this stuff down right now makes me sick.

And second, feeding this secret hope is totally unproductive. I have to kill this belief. This wanting back. Getting back together. Having her again, whatever you want to name it. She dumped me. I chased her. She is not coming back. Period. Some dudes say "Oh, but she will eventually".
This is bad thinking. You wanna know why? Because everytime I open my email, I turn my phone up, I got a unknow dialer call, I hope that this time it will be her. There will be a message from her. That sh*t is wrong. It is over.

She dumped me for whatever reason she had. She did it! Why should I believe that one day she would want me back. She is getting what she wanted. Me, out of her life. Why would she want to change it? Some may she might show up for an ego boost sometime, or when some dude really hurts her she might try to contact me, because I'm trustable. Well, for the ego boost, she has it saved in her email inbox, a 3 pages long ego boost, so she does not need another one from me directly for some long long time (and she can always get it somewhere else), and when another dude hurts her, knowing her as I now know, she would already have some backup dude to satisfy her needs.

You may say this is loser thinking, but I say it is better off this way, I'm past to her. I'm dead to her. So this is what I have to believe.
She is PAST. She is DEAD.

It is impossible to go back in time, as it is impossible to bring the dead back to life...
So there is no way she could send me an email, since to me, she is only alive in 2012.

As off me, I'm working out, I'm eating right, I'm searching for a job that is right for me, and not for what my parents (or anyone else) believe it is right, I'm going out and having fun with my friends, I'm making new friends, I'm making girl friends which turn out to be amazing gatekeepers, and most specially, I'm dating other chicks, f*cking other chicks, making out with other chicks, being flaked by other chicks, being turned down by other chicks... And you know what? There are a LOT of other chicks.

Right now my only problem is getting rid of this belief she would show up one day. But as days goes by, and she does not show up, it hurt a little less. It is the acceptance period I guess

I say 60 days is just an arbitrary figure to help the recently wounded to have a plausible stipulated time. The real name of it should be
"The Forever NC challenge". You accept it, and you don't talk to her ever again. You just don't know this truth right off the bat.

Some Exs may show up to some dudes, some may not, but it's better that you don't feed this thought, and it's better that they really don't show up, that way you can heal faster and to the fullest. With her showing up, as many guys may have noticed, you get an instant ego boost, followed for an extended period of pain, doubt and confusion.

So yeah, what I had was special, but it is over. This is real life. But it is good after all. The real life. Being in a monogamous relationship means you are only f*cking one girl, if you have respect for the girl and for yourself. And this is what is good in being single. I'm f*cking everybody!
It was terrible in the begining though...

The first girl I f*cked after the breakup was terrible. The second I f*cked 3 or 4 times, and had to bail, because I just could not do it. The third one was ok, but as it went I had too many thoughts of my ex. Now I'm f*cking the 4th girl. It is not Oh that great, and I find myself thinking of the ex sometimes. But is very different from the first one. I'm enjoying the girl. I'm not f*cking her trying to mend my broken heart. I'm f*cking her because I'm excited by her.

GFTOW is probably a very true theory. The one-its spell is wearing off. Who knows what to expect from the other 6 chicks! haha

Anyway, this sh*t got bigger than I expected so for that I'm sorry. No one might end up reading it, but that is ok. Just writing this down and sharing this learning is pretty much reliefing.

I will still lurk around this thread, because there are lots and lots of valueable lessons to be learned in other people experiences, and because I'm always glad to help a fellow mate.

The 60 days are over, and I'm only looking forward to the next 60!

Peace!

THIS WAS AN AWESOME POST!!!!!!!!!!!!

This echoes all of my own thoughts and experiences. I just kept nodding the whole way through thinking "yes, this is totally how it is!"

 

[Culebra23]

Lotus Effect - Congrats my man, keep moving forward, the sea is full of pescado, you can do a lot better. You are now schooled, you've spit out the red pill, the feminist concept that us men have to be dependent on women for happiness. Remember your worth, be the man that women want, the man that men admire, love yourself, love that you have made it this far, you have learned, your ex is now history, she is stuck in the land of antiquity, later bro!

 

[StayingHopeful]

Day 22

Today is not a good day. I had to work with my ex last night for 2 hours of direct contact. Again, I made sure to put on a game face so she thinks that I'm doing perfectly fine now that we're apart and even caught her trying to see my phone while I was texting another girl. But when I woke up this morning, all I can think about is her and her new guy. I keep falling back into this funk and I hate it. I overheard her talking to one of our co-workers saying that the new guy "brings out the best" in her and she plans on holding on to him for a long time. They've been together for a month.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I overheard her talking to one of our co-workers saying that the new guy "brings out the best" in her and she plans on holding on to him for a long time. They've been together for a month.

He is Rebound!

Be 100% sure of that!

And this sh*t you overheard was only said for 2 reasons.

1 - She knew you would probably hear it and SHE DOES WANT TO HURT YOU!
2 - She is trying to convince her own self that she is better off like this

Anyway, this realationship of hers will not last, you can rest yourself sure of that!

What she is doing now is playing mind chess with you, because you seem to be holding on so strong and SHE NEEDS TO SEE YOU BAD!

SHE NEEDS YOUR VALIDATION.

Keep playing cool, and if ever she mention something about the new guy to you, you just say you wish her your best and that you are happy that she is happy. Period. And then you say you are in a hurry and you have some other more important thing to do. AND LEAVE THE SCENE!

This will break her fragile little ego.

And as always, keep on the good old NC. It works magic!

 

[mikey2012]

Day 22

Today is not a good day. I had to work with my ex last night for 2 hours of direct contact. Again, I made sure to put on a game face so she thinks that I'm doing perfectly fine now that we're apart and even caught her trying to see my phone while I was texting another girl. But when I woke up this morning, all I can think about is her and her new guy. I keep falling back into this funk and I hate it. I overheard her talking to one of our co-workers saying that the new guy "brings out the best" in her and she plans on holding on to him for a long time. They've been together for a month.

Troll

 

[Lotus Effect]

Jariel, Culebra! Thanks for the reply guys!

You have been really helpfull to me, each of you in a specific way!

I still miss her, it is still very hard, and I have not moved on the way I want to, but it came for the best.

I was sh*tty, and now I'm on my way to become awesome! If it wasn't for that I would have never found this site and you of course, you guys!

So I'm thankfull in a way!

 

[mikey2012]

Jariel, Culebra! Thanks for the reply guys!

You have been really helpfull to me, each of you in a specific way!

I still miss her, it is still very hard, and I have not moved on the way I want to, but it came for the best.

I was sh*tty, and now I'm on my way to become awesome! If it wasn't for that I would have never found this site and you of course, you guys!

So I'm thankfull in a way!

Don't miss someone who don't misses you. She is a skanky little Ho who would fuvk 3 black dudes with you watching.