Hey guys,
Lotus, I am at the exact same point in my healing journey.
I thought of writing something to her or, at least, wait for her to contact me again so that I could reply to her message with some farewell text of my own.
It would be something a bit different than yours, perhaps a bit more bitter but nonetheless the message would be the same - ie what has been has been, farewell, we will not meet ever again.
I too feel I have left the door open for her as the last time I spoke to her I expressed my undying love for her (
), so naturally she feels at the moment as if I will be waiting for her in case her new relationship fails.
I too don't like that idea, I am attempting to move on here on my own and push her out of my mind. So I also thought it would be proper to write smth to her.
After reading Jariel's post though I am not convinced that it will do any good anymore. He is 100% right, I know in my heart that is a bad idea - why write anything again to her, no matter if bitter or casual or totally detached from any prior emotion. It will be just a new act on my part to stir things up, to remind her of me and who I am and what we had together.
It will remind her that I am still focused on her even if I know she is with another guy right now. This would imply that I am still hurting and in love with her. Not exactly the message a real Man would like to send to a girl who has moved on. Wreaks of lack of options and desperation.
I too had a bad day today, thought about her all afternoon, had her image in my head quite a few times I closed my eyes, pathetic as hell. A part of me is laughing at me at the moment - the part of me that is immensely proud and self-sufficient. These days though that part is quite subdued to my emotional and sensitive side. Because let us face it - all (or most of) guys here are sensitive, otherwise we would have just shrugged the situation off and moved on without a care in the world.
Anyway, I read today some of my mails to her right after she told me about her leaving to live in another country and quitting her job here in the city I live. I was embarrassed to read just how apologetic I was in my mails to her, to what lengths I went in my being a doormat for her, I took all the blame and not even once did not direct at least a small part of it at her. Even if she deserved some of it as well.
I was not myself in those days, was crushed and felt as if I am to blame for all misfortune and she was this innocent, naive and perfect angel. Which in hindsight is simply not true. She too has her fair share of responsibility and issues that caused the downfall of what we had and shared.
Anyway, long story short, thanks guys - Lotus and Jariel - for your posts.
I will try to overcome that need to write something final to my ex girl and to close that door. That is just my desire to communicate with her in some way, to cause her to think about me and to feel a bit of pain, regret etc just as I am right now.
Stay strong, guys!