The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[fuko2007]

Day 33.

A little over the halfway mark, i still think about her alot for some reason. The feeling of wanting to see her is fadeing more and more but i just cant stop thinking about what she has been doing and why she has not tried to contact me " wich i really dont care" but i know its best if she didnt. She was the last person to text that day 33 days ago and i never responded so that might be why. I did have a moment the other night after heavy drinking and partying of almost contcting her but A. i left my phone at home and B. I told my roomate to punch me in the head if i ever tried to do so. I know im getting better because i no longer or dont try to avoid the routes she would take going home etc as much as i did. But everytime i see a car like her's my heart drops. Im just ready for this to be over for good, i know she will contact me around christmas. Probabially saying she got me a gift or something, but dont think ill reply. Just sucks right now, ive come this far and feels like im being set back.

 

[Groverz]

Fuko you got this, her loss, not yours. Find some girls and spin some plates it will help you see all the **** that was wrong with your last relationship and how there are so many better girls out there.

 

[drakeramore]

Day #7

For me these days all start OK, I am energetic and enthusiastic to go through my day and as the day nears its end, I get a little bit tired at work, it gets dark outside and a bit chilly and I start having these feelings of doom and gloom all over again.

I have a habit of taking a bit longish walks from back from work to get some exercise daily and these are the hardest. I see some girls here and there, couples here and there and am just dying on the inside.

Sh1t, this thing hurts like a mutha.

On to day #8 though, hopefully it will be a more positive one.

 

[tripod23]

drakeramore........just keep no contact buddy , its very hard mate i will admit that , i am near 3 months of nc , and to be fair i feel a lot better dont get me wrong , but it still hurts me in a way that feels shyt.

it would be very easy to contact her , well i say that i dont now how because i dont have her number thank fvck . it will get easier as time rolls by.....i have had a lot of thoughts of this time last yr when things were good or should i say ok...........i walked away on christmas night because of certain issues with her,,,,,,,,,and its been a roller coaster ...push and pull all year my friend.........

so keep in mind that staying away and just disapearing from their lives will help you recover , but if you slip back things will fvck with your head , and its not nice at all .

one thing i will say is that i know for a fact this will stand me in good sted in the days weeks and months even yrs ahead from now . and also you start to feel more powerfull or the power shifting into your corner , because you are not giving her any validation what so ever if you see what i mean.

look at things this way....if you have tried to sort things with this girl and you have been knocked back time after time , or maybe even begged somewhat in a chump like manner......then she will feel powerfull.......but if you go cold and disapear..i think she may just be thinking wtf ..he must not give a fvck anymore or hes dating someone else .

all this to a woman is a blow to her self worth and self ego , dont give her any more validation in any way....you will find more plates / chicks whatever you want to call them . and like me you may even start to think what a lucky escape you have had....maybe i dont know.

keep positive mate and focus on a better future for yourself.

good luck

 

[mikey2012]

Day #7

For me these days all start OK, I am energetic and enthusiastic to go through my day and as the day nears its end, I get a little bit tired at work, it gets dark outside and a bit chilly and I start having these feelings of doom and gloom all over again.

I have a habit of taking a bit longish walks from back from work to get some exercise daily and these are the hardest. I see some girls here and there, couples here and there and am just dying on the inside.

Sh1t, this thing hurts like a mutha.

On to day #8 though, hopefully it will be a more positive one.

Hang in their bro . Think of her worst .

 

[StayingHopeful]

Day 16-

I was doing great for the last few days right up until 10 minutes ago when she sent me a facebook message wanting to catch up... Im sticking to my guns on this No Contact rule but she just made it that much harder.

 

[Backwardsman]

Day 16-

I was doing great for the last few days right up until 10 minutes ago when she sent me a facebook message wanting to catch up... Im sticking to my guns on this No Contact rule but she just made it that much harder.

Its a test, ignore it mate, keeping NC will drive her crazy and make her think you have moved on...

trust me, stick to NC...... she doesnt want you back, she just wants to see if she can keep you on a string.... cut that string

 

[StayingHopeful]

I muffed up -_- She called me from her blocked work number and I answered it not knowing it was her. I made sure to keep the conversation extremely short and I made sure to be the one to end it. No feelings were shared or mention of the dead relationship. I also made it a point to let her know how great I've been doing since the breakup. Found a better paying job, my social life has skyrocketed, hitting the gym 4-5 days a week. So now she knows just what she's losing out on. I know her new boyfriend is gonna start to look like a pansy ass slob compared to me now But regardless of all of that... I'm back at day 1 NC.

 

[Tack]

Day 51(?)

Still not heard a peep out of her since we last met and given we don't live nearby or have many friends in common (none that I meet regularly) she's disappeared entirely out of my life.

In terms of personal change I feel far more stable than in the first few weeks after the breakup and it's good to feel like I've moved on. It is odd however that she would not so much as even attempt contact, as I said earlier in the thread I've not "gone NC" any more that she has (other than being the one to delete/remove her on social media).

Guess she mentally broke up with me months before it actually happened. That seems to be the case in most scenarios like mine, where either the guy is mostly oblivious to the signs of it going down the ****ter or doesn't act on them.

If anything that's what I've learnt from the relationship - don't shrug off clear indicators of her depleting interest or else they'll just keep stacking up until one day you're done. I liked that video Jariel linked, especially the part about women ultimately being on your side when it comes to self-improvement. Losing a girl should be something to spur you on to greater things and stop you from slacking.

As a young, fairly inexperienced, guy it has definitely helped hearing from those of you with comparatively bucket loads of experiences - so thanks once more. I'll be back on the supposed "last day" (it never really ends right ?), 60, to say a little summary like the OP advises.

 

[Tack]

I muffed up -_- She called me from her blocked work number and I answered it not knowing it was her... ...I'm back at day 1 NC.

You can't really hold yourself responsible for that one, I would say that how you handled it is of more importance than the arbitrary "day x" anyway! Good to hear the success you're having though - it's amazing what you can achieve when you're not tied down. All that time stored up in someone else suddenly being free has definitely allowed me to focus on the things I value and only now am I starting to feel the real upshots of being single.

Good stuff!

 

[Renegade357]

Guess she mentally broke up with me months before it actually happened. That seems to be the case in most scenarios like mine, where either the guy is mostly oblivious to the signs of it going down the ****ter or doesn't act on them.

Yeah, the same thing happened to me. It's always that way when the guy likes the girl more than she likes him. I saw it coming somewhat early and thought I could get through it. I gave it a good effort but couldn't pull out of the tailspin. I guess once you're at that point where you recognize she's got that foot out the door it's over anyway.

I don't see any scenario where had I caught it early enough I could have avoided the breakup. It's one of those things where if they aren't fully into you deep down it's destined to end one way or another.

One minute you think everything is fine then the next someone comes around the corner and kicks you in the stomach.

She wants to explore other pastures and we are in her way. Not a fun place to be.

 

[narcissist]

not going to spend to much time here today, as over the past couple days my ex HASNT really been in my mind or occupying it which is good

so i will keep it brief as i would like to avoid spending too much time focusing my mind on the situation

updates:

day 25 no contact
day 2 no social media stalking
feel fvcking amazing
date tomorrow with some cutie hb7
exams and sh!t so alot of studying
feel NO need to talk to my ex, and im coming to the realization that i dont even want to consider her my ex anymore, just some crazy girl i used to bang alot

anyhow keep strong guys, i know most of you are hurting but the light at the end of the tunnel is AMAZING

please watch this guys videos he WILL get you out of cherish mode

http://www.youtube.com/user/RSDTyler?feature=watch

 

[narcissist]

whoops day 3 of no social media stalking... fvcked up the days

not like it even matters hahaha

 

[mkj1990]

Day 60

Can honestly say that this challenge has helped me a lot, even though I can't claim that I'm 100% over this girl after 60 days. I know what I want (to don't get back with her), but I still think a lot about her, but that's hopefully something that will fade away eventually.

She has been contacting me a couple of times tho'. Every weekend for the last three or four weeks. Got a big excuse, in addition to the usual "catching up" And she's also been asking when I'm off from school/work in the christmas period. (don't know how to interpret that. Maybe she want to see me? Whatever...) Just been answering the texts by keeping it short and cold.

Still feel that I have a long way to go, but I'm getting there - piece by piece, one day at the time.

 

[Jariel]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06UnHtD1ZbY

I've really grown to admire this guy. His earlier stuff (as he admits himself) was typical PUA trickery and he seemed like one of those guys who is more interested in validation from the pick up community than on actually enjoying life and the company of women.

But he's had a big shift in attitude and philosophy and you can really see it. I like the fact that he admits to oneitis and he acknowledges how difficult it is when you fall for a woman, while a lot of guys put on this macho emotionaless front.

I'd also recommend checking his meditation video. I believe this is one of the factors that has helped improve his natural game.

 

[Jariel]

On a sidenote, things are going pretty awesome of late and I'm starting to see that my breakup has been a huge blessing! I know most people say this and don't mean it, but I literally mean it.

The greatest things to come out of this is all the lessons I've learned. I can see my mistakes with crystal clarity now. I can see the guy I was when we met, the man who seduced her, excited her, and how I made her laugh, pulled her into my world and made her fall head over heels. And I can also see the man I was when our relationship fell apart, how clingy I'd become, how eager to please, how I'd integrate into her routine, avoid confrontation and how the excitement was lacking.

I can go over multiple reasons we fell out, mistakes she made and mistakes I made, but when I break it all down to its core, the reason our relationship failed was lack of consistency on my part. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy to retain my state and she too changed a lot, but at that point I should've put myself first and made it clear that this is who I am and who I want to be, and if she can't handle it I'm going to move on.

So here I am today and I'm rediscovering that bold and seductive man I used to be. I'm seeing someone new now and I'm whisking her into my world and showing her a great time. I'm turning her on like crazy and bringing out some of her latent fantasies, we're having fun on our dates and we're enjoying each others company. I'm not wondering where it's going, if she likes me, or looking to her for validation.

I was driving home from work yesterday and it hit me just how good I was feeling. I felt such relief to finally let go of my ex and to be free of such a painful and restrictive situation, and I realised I hadn't felt this good for over 8 months. I had this huge smile stretch across my face and couldn't stop grinning for the rest of the journey home.

Hang in there guys. I've been to hell during my break up and experienced some of the most intense pain I've ever known, but it does end and when it does life is so awesome!

Instead of focusing on your ex (easier said than done I know) try to focus on who you were when you met and work on becomin that man once again. If you're hoping to win your ex back, this is what you need to do and you can't do that until you truly let go. And if you don't, then focus on becoming that man so you can attract new women and form a new, stronger and more exciting relationship.

 

[Jariel]

I've posted this in one of my tip threads, but thought it might be worth adding here for those who need it.

Something you absolutely MUST keep in mind at all times is this...

The only true way you can work things out with your ex is to heal first and get out of that needy state of mind. After a break up, we are thrown into survival mode, in much the same way as if we were threatened with danger. Our rational thinking gets pushed aside and our instincts take over and what was once a healthy attraction or even genuine love turns into this urgent, dependent obsession with getting her back. We become overwhelmed with insecurity and paranoia, start questioning our worth, start placing her on a pedestal and chasing her like our lives depend on it.

But this is the exact state of mind and behaviour that kills attraction, ruins relationships and drives women away.

Imagine you finish with your girl and a few months later you decide to meet up. She's gained 20lbs, her hair is greasy and she's stopped taking pride in her appearance. You're repulsed by what she's become. Would you take her back? No chance in hell, right? And this is exactly how your ex sees you when you're in that needy, emotional state of mind. She wants a man who can lead, who can be a pillar of strength, who she can look upto, not an emotional and dependent wimp.

 

[tripod23]

jariel mate im glad you have sorted your head out ......everything you have said above is totally true in every way .

its funny how panic sets in and its difficult to shake off , i have just started to not give a fvck , whatever happens in the future happens fvck it.

some guys just genuinly dont give a fvck , which in my mind is by far the best way to deal with these situations , plus spinning a few will always help .

but anyway good job mate im happy for you.

 

[narcissist]

good sh!t jariel, spot on.

gunna be quick on here again, dont want to give too much attention to her and im starting to not really care about the situation so not really emotionally charged to type a bunch of shiiiet

day 26? no contact... i lost count
day 4 of no social media stalking - HUGGGGGGE HELP with getting over her
- i CANNOT stress how important it is to swerve social media lurking - MAJOR

uh went on a date with this cute italian today, verry cute and tiny... playful kino, didnt bring up ex except once by mistake but quickly changed the subject, my game was pretty solid, and didnt act needy at all... haha actually i made her pay for the coffees WHICH she did very enthusiastically.. she wanted to

she initiated second date with me near the end of this first date and gave a looooooong hug at the end, think shes interested.

dont really care about her tho, plenty of girls out there so im not gunna fall in to "feelings" mode ... which is especially possible right after a break up... i just have to remember that she may REJECT ME which is not a big deal... although many people right after a break up could be REALLLY hurt from a rejection... im tending to take the high road and realize theres an unlimited amount of girls out there

gunna keep trying to get dates with other girls... and keep an ABUNDANCE mindset

my life, my choice, my movie.. i run the show in my existence, not some cute girl or some ex girlfriend

hahah anyways peace out and good luck

 

[mikey2012]

I've posted this in one of my tip threads, but thought it might be worth adding here for those who need it.

Something you absolutely MUST keep in mind at all times is this...

The only true way you can work things out with your ex is to heal first and get out of that needy state of mind. After a break up, we are thrown into survival mode, in much the same way as if we were threatened with danger. Our rational thinking gets pushed aside and our instincts take over and what was once a healthy attraction or even genuine love turns into this urgent, dependent obsession with getting her back. We become overwhelmed with insecurity and paranoia, start questioning our worth, start placing her on a pedestal and chasing her like our lives depend on it.

But this is the exact state of mind and behaviour that kills attraction, ruins relationships and drives women away.

Imagine you finish with your girl and a few months later you decide to meet up. She's gained 20lbs, her hair is greasy and she's stopped taking pride in her appearance. You're repulsed by what she's become. Would you take her back? No chance in hell, right? And this is exactly how your ex sees you when you're in that needy, emotional state of mind. She wants a man who can lead, who can be a pillar of strength, who she can look upto, not an emotional and dependent wimp.

Women get old. Men mature. Time is not on their side.