The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[narcissist]

one more thing that i think ALL of us should know when dealing with a break up or undergoing NO CONTACT

**when you become emotionally charged based off of your ego wanting to talk to her for validation, or if you see her having a good time on social media and your at home with your d!ck in your hand, or possibly she texts you and says something along the lines of "i found a new guy" some bs like that, anything that gets you emotionally charged to talk to her or contact her, maybe you feel like you "LOST THE ONE" - GET THE FVCK UP TURN YOUR PHONE OFF AND COMPUTER OFF AND TAKE A FVCKING WALK

during these hieghtened moments two things can happen

1. you make a DUMB MOVE
-contact her
-say "i miss you"
- try to add her back on facebook
- text her friend
this is what 95% of guys do

2. calm the fvck down - take a walk, go outside, meditate, drink some goddamn water, breathe,
-turn off your phone
-turn off your computer
- and chill
- clear your mind

the last thing you want to do is become emotionally invested in something that IS GONE FOREVER, and do something STUPID that will make you FEEL WORSE

anyways, im a little emotionally heightened right now hahaha so im gunna turn off my phone and computer for a good hour or two and chill maybe take a walk

 

[mikey2012]

one more thing that i think ALL of us should know when dealing with a break up or undergoing NO CONTACT

**when you become emotionally charged based off of your ego wanting to talk to her for validation, or if you see her having a good time on social media and your at home with your d!ck in your hand, or possibly she texts you and says something along the lines of "i found a new guy" some bs like that, anything that gets you emotionally charged to talk to her or contact her, maybe you feel like you "LOST THE ONE" - GET THE FVCK UP TURN YOUR PHONE OFF AND COMPUTER OFF AND TAKE A FVCKING WALK

during these hieghtened moments two things can happen

1. you make a DUMB MOVE
-contact her
-say "i miss you"
- try to add her back on facebook
- text her friend
this is what 95% of guys do

2. calm the fvck down - take a walk, go outside, meditate, drink some goddamn water, breathe,
-turn off your phone
-turn off your computer
- and chill
- clear your mind

the last thing you want to do is become emotionally invested in something that IS GONE FOREVER, and do something STUPID that will make you FEEL WORSE

anyways, im a little emotionally heightened right now hahaha so im gunna turn off my phone and computer for a good hour or two and chill maybe take a walk

Welcome to the house of pain. You need to go throughmmaximum pain before you can heal. Imagine your ex getting dp by 3 black dudes. That's how I inflicted max pain on myself so I could heal.

 

[tripod23]

ha ha ha ......all this sounds too fvcking familiar to me.......its been nearly 3 months of nc for me....and i have to pass my ex house everynight from work , i work funny shifts etc , passing the house a seeing cars outside is such a mother fvcker...........but what can you do about it . i mean if i was to contact her she would know iv been thinking about her......thats more feathers in her cap wouldnt you say .......fvck that she has enough .

plus i keep trying to remember the shyt she has put me through , its been a full year to 16 months of pure hell with one thing or another ....long story, but as i say it could be worse , she aint worth contacting , if she loved me like she said, she would be banging my door down............and in return i would be banging her back door in.......simple.

seeing as none of this shyt is happening i just carry on looking for ways forward and to better my life in the weeks and months ahead .

i need to spin a few plates if im honest , the problem is i cant be botherd to patronise any bullshyt at the moment , so i think its best to get my head level first.......

listen guys we all know the stalking stuff and wanting to contact her is tough not to do , but in the end if you find a really top chick that blows your socks off , all this stuff we are writing about will be history ......end of.

keep improving is the way ........

good luck guys

 

[Jariel]

It's very rare that you will see me share PUA material on this site, but this is a video you guys really should see.

It's not all great, but there is a lot of wisdom here. What I especially like is how he talks about how we become less conscious when we become attached and how that leads to us losing sight of the attractive man we were when we attracted our girlfriends.

Another great thing he said is how women punish us whenever we stop being a man. In other words, if we become needy and weak, they back off, ignore us, fvck with our head or even cheat. Yet if we maintain our masculinity and coolness, they come running back to us. This is especially important to remember during No Contact and why your neediness will repulse her.

Take a look...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio

 

[Jariel]

On a sidenote, I've started seeing someone now and I'm feeling all that excitement and buzz you get in the early stages...and everything that was lacking towards the end of my relationship.

She's a great lady, very hot, great fun and seems very keen. It's still early days, but it's reminding me how much better it is to move on than to cling to hopes of getting the ex back.

I went into these dates with a totally different frame. I've been very dark and brooding of late, taking myself very seriously and focusing on being bold and unwavering, but then I looked at who I was when I attracted my ex...how cool I was, how much fun I was and how much we laughed during our first dates. So I met this girl deciding to just relax and have fun, and we hit it off so great! I went back to all the basics - neg hitting, C+F, light kino, sexual suggestion.

Coming off a break up, when you're hurting, it's very hard to take life lightly. You're still full of resentment and can easily slip into this "I'm not gonna take any more sh!t" attitude. But if you can just lighten up, you can start having fun again.

And here's an uplifting thought for you. My first 2 dates with this new woman made me happier than the last 3 months of my relationship did. Moving forward is the best option guys!

 

[Groverz]

Same boat as you Jariel, been NC for over a week and been hanging with a new girl and hardly even think of my ex now. The ex is still a bit hotter but the new girl has way more **** going for her and is way more mature, few years older too. But she won't leave me alone, guess when they see an awesome guy they just can't get enough.

 

[Machtwo]

So, follow my advice. When you get the chance to go ghost, GO. And then, when you get the chance to SHUT THE FVCK UP, SHUT IT!

This next week that will follow to end the challenge I will not dwell in here. I've also found out that dwelling in here every day gets a little counterproductive, 'cause after all, it makes you think about her!

This is great advice, this is the BIGGEST thing I have learned in bold. Next time this happens to me....I'm prepared, oh yes!

 

[drakeramore]

Hey guys,

Day #6 of NC.

Things get desperate at times. Today and yesterday were not good days.
I constantly thought about my ex-girl, checked her FB profile (by accident) the other day, won't happen again.

I don't have the need to contact her but that doesn't stop the desperate and depressing thoughts. I feel lost and hopeless at times, like life will never be good again, all I have is myself and my loneliness/depression.

These thoughts are all an illusion, I know, and just a projection of all my fears and hurt ego. Also a product of my insecurities and my thinking that life is not fair and I was dealt a losing hand and can never win.

I have some semi-serious health issues that I cannot get rid of despite all my efforts, also am kind of a loner, relate hard to people and all those traits kind of perpetuate my thoughts - ie it is bad and based on my past it most likely will remain bad. I also am trying hard to change my sh!t job to a better and more highly paid one. My inability to do so for the moment frustrate me even more.

There are times where I really believe this sh!t - that I will never be happy. That is one of the reasons my relationship with my ex girl failed in the first place.

But reading about you guys - Jariel and Groverz - how refreshed and with an entirely different perspective you guys are after you have went on a date with a new girl, I got some hope out of those two posts, so thank you guys.

It is hard, I have very few friends in this city and it is hard for me to meet new, cool and fresh people, let alone girls. I am not very good at warming up to new people as well. It is all out of my comfort zone.

It is depressing thinking how much of an emotional wreck I am right now while my ex girl in all likelihood does not think about me at all. It is pathetic this type of thinking, I know but I cannot help it.

I just wanted to vent a little here, I think it makes me feel a little bit better when I do. The ride continues, we will see if I will make it to day# 60 of NC. Hopefully I will do and by then all these thoughts of guilt, hopelessness and despair will be replaced by something more optimistic and a general faith that in my future I will be happy.

Thanks, guys.

 

[888]

Sh*t this hurts like a motherf*cker man. My main girl has been acting up recently and now she's dipped out for a full week without contact. At first I didn't even notice but now I'm starting to realize she's probably gone for good. Texted her on Saturday like the little b*tch that I'm being right now; still no response and I've been staring at my phone for the past two days like a f*cking idiot.

F this.

It's so stupid too because she's really nothing special, I've just been with her the longest, and I know logically that she's really just done me a favor my freeing me up to spend more time with the other girls, but that doesn't stop these f*cking stress hormones from flooding my brain. I'm vacillating between being completely relieved to being a total p*ssy and wishing she'd come back.

It's also the complete lack of control/power over the situation that gets to me; it's frustrating as all hell and honestly if this was the 1950's or 60's I'd probably go over to her place and beat some goddamned sense into her. I got finals coming up I seriously can't be dealing with this sh*t

----EDIT:

Take a look...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio

oh hell yeah, owen knows whats up

 

[Groverz]

Sh*t this hurts like a motherf*cker man. My main girl has been acting up recently and now she's dipped out for a full week without contact. At first I didn't even notice but now I'm starting to realize she's probably gone for good. Texted her on Saturday like the little b*tch that I'm being right now; still no response and I've been staring at my phone for the past two days like a f*cking idiot.

F this.

It's so stupid too because she's really nothing special, I've just been with her the longest, and I know logically that she's really just done me a favor my freeing me up to spend more time with the other girls, but that doesn't stop these f*cking stress hormones from flooding my brain. I'm vacillating between being completely relieved to being a total p*ssy and wishing she'd come back.

It's also the complete lack of control/power over the situation that gets to me; it's frustrating as all hell and honestly if this was the 1950's or 60's I'd probably go over to her place and beat some goddamned sense into her. I got finals coming up I seriously can't be dealing with this sh*t

----EDIT:


oh hell yeah, owen knows whats up

Gotta say that is an awesome video, makes a lot of sense

 

[Dgwizdal]

Backsliding today - Unusual Breakup

Oops double post.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Backsliding today - Unusual Breakup

Here my original post from a bit ago:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=209270

Long story short - got the boot for not committing and overgaming a 9 month relationship. Never lost my frame and never lost who I was in the beginning of the relationship. Always was railing plates on the slide and didn't give a ****. She wanted more and I didn't give it to her. THE END.

...... Anyway, been in NC/LC for 3 months or so. Reiterate again - NEVER HAVE LOST MY FRAME during the relationship, breakup, and after. Very minimal to ZERO AFC moments. Any text contact we've had has been me responding to her 5 hours later with a little subtle banter and something for her to comply with and she does. She always responds within 10 seconds. She likes all my **** on facebook and the one time i've seen her since the wedding she sits there projecting waiting and begging for me to come talk about stuff with her body language. (Gets to party - me and another girl outside talking - comes out and sits 5 feet away in a lawn chair alone) Girl goes inside and she looks at me like "anything you want to say." Give her a smirk and a wink and go inside leaving her outside in the cold alone ha. In the party she's completely silent around me while I'm raging being a douchebag like always.

Welp, I started banging and "seeing" one of her best friends as well as other girls since day 1. She hasn't been moving on with other guys - at all. Cat gets out the bag about my d*ck slanging and she's been avoiding me like the plague. Didn't come to either of my birthday party's even though we are in the same social circle and left a bar at the exact time I got there. Her friends lied to me about her being too drunk and not wanting to see me until I pried it out of one of them that this is the reason she left.

The other day she's out with her girlfriends at a bar and her and another recently single girl take a pic and say "Here's to the jackasses that let us go and to the lucky guys who haven't met us" I have a good chuckle about it. 3 months later...really?

Here is my dilemma and do not try to switch up any of the details on me. I've never given this girl an ounce of validation even though, admittingly she did deserve it throughout our relationship. She was good to me. I've remained indifferent this entire time always being the same dude I have been and am completely content carrying on with the plate spinning. All her girlfriends know how I am (I've ran thru them too at some point in time) and although I am good friends with them as well, they'd never say expose that she's pissed and/or hurt. Nor would she. She's very stubborn, fragile, put herself out there and called it quits cause she couldn't catch me. The way she acts is like she wants me to chase her a bit and would be open to something again If I approached her.

I'm starting to think I'm a genuine a**hole and am having regrets about the way I treated her and this whole thing. She really was a good chick and if I wasn't so busy being Mr. I don't give a f*ck spinning plates and let her in a bit, maybe we would have worked out. I'm considering reaching out and gaming her to gauge her interest level or giving her a bit of validation to see if she bites. Maybe something simple after I get her to come out with me like "you know, I know I made some mistakes and contrary to what you may think, I enjoyed our time together..." or something like that when the time is right.

95% of the people here got dumped for being an AFC. That is not my situation. I am completely clear minded and am not oneitised. If anything - she is. I am currently banging chicks (one her best friend) a point or so above. I just think that she is very balanced, genuine, and her nice body and face will be able to hold up with age. I will be able to take things wherever I want with this broad. Why not have her as an option and attempt to make things right without backsliding? Instead of being the d*ckhead who never cared.

Thoughts? Or maybe just to vent...

 

[tripod23]

i dont think you should ever shyt on your own doorstep , banging her best friend.....mmmmm she cant be much of a friend to her surely .

i mean chicks normally stick together like shyt to a blanket .

i think you need to be carefull mate.......this could very easily turn on you in a way you didnt see coming .

now im not saying you cant handle the situation , but fvcking her friend , well let me put it this way if she was fvcking your best mate how would you feel [ seriously ]........if it was me and she was fvcking my mate , that would be game over........thats taking the pvss big time . great if you really dont care , but by the sounds of it you do care for this girl......otherwise you wouldnt be considering trying to make something happen after its over .

every credit for nailing her friend... great move i love the cheeky side of that from a guys point of view , it just isnt something i would get involved with.....i like to keep a distance between any chicks..........just my thoughts.

good luck with your decisions .

 

[Machtwo]

drakeramore

I feel for you man, you have such a long way to go though, if you can get to day 30 you're doing ok & should make it, but in all honesty, it should really be 90 day challenge.

Just try to keep busy, remove or delete any memories of her and ALL social media. Closing my FB account for 4 months was the best thing I did on my journey. It's tough, I'm not going to tell you otherwise, but you have to help yourself as well along the way, this is a test and with the correct application, you can pass with flying colours.

Your ex is dead now, try to achieve that mindset.

 

[Dgwizdal]

i dont think you should ever shyt on your own doorstep , banging her best friend.....mmmmm she cant be much of a friend to her surely .

i mean chicks normally stick together like shyt to a blanket .

i think you need to be carefull mate.......this could very easily turn on you in a way you didnt see coming .

now im not saying you cant handle the situation , but fvcking her friend , well let me put it this way if she was fvcking your best mate how would you feel [ seriously ]........if it was me and she was fvcking my mate , that would be game over........thats taking the pvss big time . great if you really dont care , but by the sounds of it you do care for this girl......otherwise you wouldnt be considering trying to make something happen after its over .

every credit for nailing her friend... great move i love the cheeky side of that from a guys point of view , it just isnt something i would get involved with.....i like to keep a distance between any chicks..........just my thoughts.

good luck with your decisions .

Yep, you're right. But the mentality for me is that she dumped me at the end of the day. And her friend has been a secret plate and best friend of mine FOR YEARS. She slipped up to someone about it and the word exploded around our social circle. WOOPS. Now i'm categorized as "seeing" her and my plate is embracing this new found attention and recognition of us as an item. (Facepalm.) I know I am walking on very thin ice but am thinking about backing off the new girls and slowly engaging the old...

 

[tripod23]

wow man.....ok so she dumped you....... ok ........but this chick that just slipped up and told someone in the social circle...........na she did it on purpose mate trust me......chicks do this all the time .

its all done to cause drama ......chicks thrive on it . i would just be carefull pal , the last thing you want to happen is a showdown when your out and one of them launcing into you , or worse still throwing a fvcking drink all over you.......not the best of situations .

might be a good idea to cool things off and slowly slip away without any major fuss.

but like i say i would never have two chicks i was nailing get even close to one another.......fvck that iv been caught before many years ago...not good at all.......but i learned a lesson big time.

 

[narcissist]

DAY 1 OF NOT STALKING HER SOCIAL MEDIA

i was SOOOO tempted to do it, like you guys, i almost let you down

but thank you to JARIEL for posting that video, and that guy in the video really shun a bright light on the concept of imagination and how when we are in a long term cherish mode with a certain girl we tend to pedestal them and IMAGINE them FAR greater than they really are

this is huge to me because it made me think back to when i first started talking to her like 3 years ago and how i literally barely replied to her and how she liked me WAYYY more then i liked her, but over time my imagination MADE UP AN IMAGE OF HER that was false and i cherished this false image

i realized that she isnt that great and im not going to spend one more second thinking about her in the LIME LIGHT...

shes a girl who is mildly attractive with depression and shes fvcking crazy, and she cheats and lies... shes also a barrier to me being a better person

I MADE HER THE MAIN CHARACTER IN MY MOVIE AND I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN

I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER OF MY MOVIE

 

[narcissist]

Everyone In This Forum Needs To Watch This

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06UnHtD1ZbY

 

[mikey2012]

NC is the general rule but there are some exception where you contact BUT not in a NEEDY/DESPERATE

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=82346&page=8

 

[denverfan110]

I'm not in the typical situation as most.

I've not been dumped. I just realize I'm too emotionally attached to my current plate and that I think about her too much. I'm currently in a different city than she is and won't be seeing her until 15 days from now. During that time I will not stalk her on social media EVEN ONCE. I will go NC until she initiates contact and will only respond to her if I think it will progress our feelings. No bull**** small talk.

I have my school's finals coming up Monday. These are important. I can't let her infiltrate my thoughts at all from now until then for sure.

I will take a quick break from studying and post in here if I ever get the urge to look at her FB page or chat her. Until I get to see her in person, she should be a non-entity in my life. That's how I plan to keep it.