The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Jariel]

But, you do come across as rather hateful and bitter in your posts. I would never wish anything bad to happen to my ex girl. In fact I would like her to be happy, she gave me a lot, we shared a lot of exciting moments.

I do not want to start hating her. Lotus, you too say you hate your ex. That would never work for me. I am not a negative person in general, negativity, being full of hate is not my style.

I actually agree with you on this point. A lot of guys find the hate and anger is what fuels them to get over her, but for me, the hate and anger really keeps me down and miserable.

After my last argument with my ex, I lay on my bed fuming. I kept repeating to myself "I fvcking hate her!" and "The fvcking b1tch". My heart was pounding, my head was aching, I could feel the blood rushing to my face and I felt utter pain and despair.

Looking back, I realise that all that hate was hurting ME!

Since then, I've calmed myself down and reflected on the situation. I've accepted that actually we did have a great relationship and as much as I'm hurting over the break up and some of her actions since, that's just the nature of break ups. We all hurt, we all retaliate, play games, take it out on each other and we are all selfish and try to use the other person to help us feel better and to move on. My ex hasn't done anything I haven't done.

However, what you have to keep in mind is this. It's ok to forgive and wish her well in your head as long as you maintain no contact, but if you start to go to the opposite extreme of wanting to text her to wish her well and clear the air, you're only setting yourself up for a fall. Trust me on this one as I speak from a very painful experience.

In time, she will think the same. She will remember your relationship fondly and if you can walk away with dignity, she will remember you with admiration too.

 

[drakeramore]

Great advice, Jariel.

I too think that harbouring such emotions as hate towards someone who even may have done smth to deserve it, only hurts you in the end, makes you lose sleep, have fits, feel pissed, erases the smile off your face.

Thus you empower the object of your hate and make him/her able to influence you by dictating your mood consistently.

Also, yes, I have wished my ex girl well when we last spoke and I have done so in my mind as well. Sincerely.

I do not feel the need to remind that to her on a weekly basis though.

 

[narcissist]

okay so basically its no contact day 18 but
there has been contact within those days hahaha,
all initiated by her and i only picked up because
it said "unknown" and it was completely an accident

can i ask you guys something? what is wrong with my ex?
for the past 18 days shes been trying to get back with me
and calling me everyday and texting me saying stuff like
"i love you"
"i messed up and ill do anything to get you back"
shes literally hidden in a car trunk and surprised me
when i was picking up my stuff from her friend

well this is where it gets weird, just the other day
she "unknown" calls me and i accidentally pick up
and im not talking AT ALL, i maybe said like 5 words
shes just blathering on about how she will literally
buy a new phone and let me control it, and how she wants
to gain my trust back completely and delete her social media
(she cheated on me)
i tell her i dont really care im done with her and i say "i gotta go"
and as im hanging up i can hear her begging for me not to hang up

well i hang up anyways, and 10 minutes later she sends
me a big text saying things like
"nevermind i dont love you"
"everything i did was out of passion"
"your a terrible human for hanging up"
"your not on the pedestal anymore"
"i dont see you as the perfect boy i used to"

just ALOT of contradictory things to the phone
conversation that happened literally 10 minutes before

well i deleted after reading it once, and did not contact her
its been 4 days? since then and i was just wondering, is this just her
last attempt at getting me to fall into her trap?
she knows im narcissistic and maybe she knows that this would
obviously bother me, because i dont like when people dislike me

im just curious as to how shes goes from "loving" me to "hating" me
in a matter of 10 minutes?

the only thing ive been able to come up with is that she never loved me
it was all just for her own self gratification - and when i didnt
afc up to her, and return any love she decided she had no more use
for me to satisfy her ego?

let me know what you guys think about this...
i know it shouldnt bother me but it does..
i have alot of self control so i wont be contacting her, but
the most important question i have is this

How do i not allow this to bother me?
and how can i stop myself from thinking about this?
from

 

[narcissist]

OH and i big theme in the text message she sent me
was the fact that because i "hung up" on her, somehow
this makes me a completely horrible person
and sociopathic

this are literally her words
even though she cheated on me twice which some would
consider way more sociopathic, and has complete bpd

maybe shes just trying to find something to use
to get over me? and this hanging up on her thing
is the best thing she can use?

haha man shes really f**ked

 

[StayingHopeful]

Hey everyone, I just joined the forum today but I'm on day 11 of NC with my ex and everyday gets harder and harder knowing that she's dating someone else. We broke up 5 weeks ago, she started talking to the new guy 4 weeks ago, they got together 2 weeks ago and I initiated NC the day after they got together. How do I stay strong during NC? I need help.

 

[Groverz]

Feeling good today, did not once want to wish her happy tday, partly because of having an awesome night last night with another girl and banging for a while. Got her off 9 times, pretty proud of that, huge ego boost. My ex will never get to know what that is like again, haha sucks for her.

 

[narcissist]

Hey everyone, I just joined the forum today but I'm on day 11 of NC with my ex and everyday gets harder and harder knowing that she's dating someone else. We broke up 5 weeks ago, she started talking to the new guy 4 weeks ago, they got together 2 weeks ago and I initiated NC the day after they got together. How do I stay strong during NC? I need help.

yeah man its definitely hard to deal with the girl you loved being with another guy... of course thats gunna hurt, but you have to realise that she hasnt loved you for a while.. and most likely she was talking to the guy even before you guys broke up....

this may sound like a destroying thought but its actually uplifting... trust me

it allows you to not waste your time anymore with a girl that doesnt treat you the way you - as a f**king boss - deserves to be treated...

heres a couple of things that will help you along the way when you find yourself constantly thinking about her and constantly imagining her with her new boyfriend...

1. read the break up guides EVERY F**KING DAY right when you wake up

2. DO NOT listen to love songs or watch love movies... start listening to boss muisc like hardcore break down metal or some strong elecronic tech house or rap whatever... BUT I REPEAT.. DO NOT LISTEN TO LOVE SONGS

3. DO NOT STALK HER SOCIAL MEDIA!!!! this is a hugggggge one
- the reason you dont want to do this is because your constantly reminded that she is having a great time and you are stuck at home hurting over her

4. EVERYDAY DO ONE THING THAT BETTERS YOURSELF
- WORKOUT!!!
- talk to new women
- read uplifting books
- starting drinking more water and eating more fruits/ taking vitamins and fish oils
- change up your style
- clean up your room AND ALWAYS KEEP IT CLEAN (BIG DIFFERENCE IN THE WAY YOULL FEEL)

5. if you dont already do this - wake up earlier - DONT SLEEP IN!

6. ill repeat this one GRAB AN UPLIFTING BOOK AND START READING
some suggeestions:
- 48 laws of power/the art of seduction
- the slight edge
- tao te ching
- how to influence friends an influence people

usually what i like to do is read one nonfiction and one fictional
like right now im reading the brothers karamozov by dostoyevsky and the prince by niccolo machiavelli

7. HAVE FUN MAN! make a strong effort to have a good time no matter what, SMILE and force yourself to enjoy things

LIFE IS SHORT: it can also be beautiful if you can learn to shift your perspective

8. take up a hobby/ find your passion: maybe learn a new subject like biology or physics, or maybe start training muay thai (kickboxing)

9. talk to other women - very important to getting rid of one-itis

10. LIFE IS SUFFERING MATE LEARN TO ACCEPT WHAT WAS AND WHAT IS!
(maybe the most important one of them all)

11. reconnect with old friends and family members and TRY HARD TO BUILD RAPORT WITH THEM!!!!

12. and last but not least make a conscious effort to strive towards to path of making yourself happy and not letting ANYONE else feed you your happiness
- i wont be able to help you on this one its a path we all have to take and has different forms
- you have to go on this journey yourself mate and find within yourself happiness whatever that may be
- but if you lack this in your life, each and every relationship you have will end in utter dismay and turmoil and anguish will be left in your eyes


realize that love comes and goes, its not a definite thing that can be materialized and kept in your pocket, its in constant flux and the second it comes it usually leaves

love does not hold stasis, realize this, and realize that your ex is gone and love has left, but most often then not IT WILL COME AGAIN

BE PREPARED FOR WHEN IT COMES AGAIN THOUGH*** very important

because love is fickle and will often leave you utterly destroyed if your not up for the challenge

be a boss
be an alpha
be happy on by your own accord
learn new things
and know that death will reach you one day, dont waste your time dwelling on infinitesimal things

much love to you mate, hope everything goes well, never hesitate to ask for help and sh*t

goodluck

 

[narcissist]

that was really cathartic for me to write, haha i realized it got progressively more philosophical

 

[Lotus Effect]

that was really cathartic for me to write, haha i realized it got progressively more philosophical

Yeah! This happens! haahahah

Anyway +1Rep for that post man!

And about the crazyness and mixed signals of your ex, it just tells how much it was all aboout her.

She did not love and either did not hate you in less than 10 minutes.

She loved herself and her ego! That's all. I know how much it hurts, but you do know better than anyone else that that girl is trouble.

Yeah, you could f*ck her again. But let it be for a while man! As Culebra23 said. Wait 2 months after her first contact, if she indeed want to be with you, she will move mountains.

It is up to you decide wheter or not you want to be with her. My opinion, she a liar and a cheater, which in my vocabulary equals to hore. So treat her like the hore she is, and use her as your sex slave for as much as you believe it's useful.

She is crazy, so even if you go ghost, she will eventually pop from time to time. Just f*ck her whenever you feel like. You will always be the ex that treated her like the trash she is, so she will always come back to you!

 

[narcissist]

to lotus effect:

yeah mate, i completely agree with you on this diagnosis of her mixed signals..
i can say with almost full certainty that it was ALL about her ego, and nothing more, this is why she cheated on me twice and this is why she is CONSTANTLY looking for my validation... yet when i dont give her ANY validation whatsoever she calls me "sociopathic" and says things like "you dont know how to love" even after were not together..

i almost feel like she was BPD but i cant be fully certain about that.. she has MANY of the BPD traits but im not a psychiatrist so ill opt out of labeling her anything with that much certainty... i can say though with out a doubt that she was a CONFUSED WOMAN who definitely didnt know what she wanted in life and was pretty f**cked in the head.

did not know how to love WHATSOEVER

hmmm, im starting to become very happy that im out of this relationship, it seems to me that it was all about her getting validation for her insanity, yet i was NOT AT ALL an AFC in this relationship and because i wouldnt validate her 24/7 she went and got that validation from other guys (hence the cheating on me twice)

let me know if you guys think this makes any sense..

 

[mikey2012]

Hey everyone, I just joined the forum today but I'm on day 11 of NC with my ex and everyday gets harder and harder knowing that she's dating someone else. We broke up 5 weeks ago, she started talking to the new guy 4 weeks ago, they got together 2 weeks ago and I initiated NC the day after they got together. How do I stay strong during NC? I need help.

You think she is dead. Go on vacation for awhile. No one said NC would be easy but this is the best in the long run.

 

[Victor Meldrew]

It's been a while!

I sent her a text after my last post on here (about a month ago) saying I wasn't going to be messed around and that she'd pissed me off by not replying. Cue her saying she'd been busy with family problems etc..

But we got back onto good terms. We talked less frequently (once every 3-4 days) and she definitely got more into me. She said such stuff as 'me and you NEED to be together', 'we're made for each other', all that cute stuff etc. She replied to every text and texted me out of the blue a few times. I'd played it cool on the sexual side of things and she got flirtier towards that, I just played dumb and moved the conversation on. All has been going well, she's pretty much what I'm looking for in a relationship and I'd say it's the same for her too.

Last night though, it turned back to old times. Like I say, she'd replied to every text of mine and I'd conquered, or so I felt. Was texting her and my ex suddenly turned up in tears :crazy: . So I texted her saying that she'd turned up and that I'd text her in 20 minutes. I told my ex nothing is happening between us again and she left. Texted the girl again saying I was sorry for her turning up and that I didn't expect her to. No reply. Asked her what's up? No reply. Told her what I'd said to my ex and that she was the only girl I wanted. No reply. Nothing since the text I sent saying my ex had turned up.

Where do I go from here guys? Do I go back to NC and risk losing what could be something brilliant? Or do I do what I did before, wait a few days and issue an ultimatum of talk to me about it or I'm gone forever?

Cheers

 

[Lotus Effect]

I don't get it Victor.

Is it two Exs you are talking about? You were NCing on one, got back to her, and another one showed up??
I don't know people around here are familiar with your story.

Please, develop it!

 

[Victor Meldrew]

I don't get it Victor.

Is it two Exs you are talking about? You were NCing on one, got back to her, and another one showed up??
I don't know people around here are familiar with your story.

Please, develop it!

Ah, sorry, of course!

Here are my previous posts on the one who I went NC on, got on well with again and now hasn't replied after my ex turned up, despite replying to all texts previously. Like I say, we're both into each other, so I need to handle it well.
http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2086107#post2086107 Post 1
http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2087445#post2087445 Post 2

My ex had absolutely nothing to do with this until last night, dumped her this time last year and went NC on her, ending in her texting me a few weeks ago (all of which I ignored) then her turning up last night (I ended up telling her to stay out of my life, no feelings for her,)

Hope that's sorta cleared it up, if not I can explain further

 

[Lotus Effect]

There you go...

So I texted her saying that she'd turned up and that I'd text her in 20 minutes. I told my ex nothing is happening between us again and she left. Texted the girl again saying I was sorry for her turning up and that I didn't expect her to. No reply. Asked her what's up? No reply. Told her what I'd said to my ex and that she was the only girl I wanted. No reply.
Nothing since the text I sent saying my ex had turned up.

Where do I go from here guys? Do I go back to NC and risk losing what could be something brilliant? Or do I do what I did before, wait a few days and issue an ultimatum of talk to me about it or I'm gone forever?

Cheers

First of all, and don't get me wrong man,
but are you stupid or what?

I know you like the girl, but one you don't tell a girl everything that is going on your life, otherwise you kill the mystery of it. If you had to take a sh*t because you are having a serious case of diarreha would you tell her? Hell no. Then why you have to explain her any other stuff that is happening. If it was 20 minutes, she could bare the silence.
(Seriously, this lesson is really valuable, never ever, even if it is your wife, tell her what you are doing, what will you do or what you plan on doing. Keep it to yourself. From now on, until forever. This I'm telling from experience. And amazingly, works like a charm)

And two you don't talk about your ex unless you want to play the jealousy card.
Well, anyway, even if it wasn't your plan, you did it! :cheer:

She is acting like that not because she is a crazy B!tch and stuff. She is acting like that because you prompted her to do so! I'm not on her side, believe me, but what you've done was beyond stupidit.

If she was really into you like you said you could have possibly hurt her feelings. Many may say, no you are alpha, you have other women, you told the truth. Fvck that! If she is into you, she may get hurt, and stupid things like this are a good way to do so.

You got yourself in a trick situation, because telling a girl that your ex was inside your house may have 1001 meanings in her head.

I'm not really sure what you've said in the texts you've sent, but I'm guessing you already said that you haven't done anything with the ex, and you are sorry about that.

Well, if you said you are sorry, you have already lowered your position towards her. If not, you just said the truth and it is up to her to believe.
Tip: Avoid using the wording I'm sorry. Use I feel bad instead.

Anyway, having that said. You told her the truth. I hope you haven't said I'm sorry. Now go NC. Take the attention away from her abruptly. If she was used to that, she will notice it eventually. It will be something that will bother her, you can bet on that!


Now, on my personal opinion about it. I suppose YOU SHOULD AVOID A LTR WITH THIS GIRL because of two major problems

1) Long distance Relationship. It is hard enough to make a woman keep it to her pants with her living in your neighborhood. LDR are doomed to failure simply because of logistics.

2) You've met her ONLINE. This one speaks for itself. Major Red Flag!

Hope that helps! And wait for other replies from some other guys. Although nowadays I have my sh*t together, I'm no expert!

Peace!

 

[Victor Meldrew]

Thanks for your advice LE, a lot to think about there and I really appreciate your thoughts on it

 

[RandomLegend]

NC Challenge day #5

This one is juicy.

Well as I wrote here before, she texted we meet on Friday (today) so she could return some stuff to me. Well we did, I took the stuff gave her back some of hers and as she stood there staring at the floor I said "Well, that's it. Bye". Turned away and left, that was it.

Just now she sends me a text saying: "pvssy." Like calling me one. The nerves in this chick... I know, it's all my fault. Well, obviously I'm going to ignore this even if I want to call her and tell her she's a fvcking cvnt! Still I can't help but feel glad knowing she sent me a text at 4:30 AM trying to provoke an answer from me. :crackup:

P.S. Maybe now's the time to block her on FB? Thoughts?

 

[m7ytn]

Just now she sends me a text saying: "pvssy."

I would be tempted to text her back saying, "Thanks for the offer, but I have plenty of that as it is..."

But probably best to stay NC...

 

[narcissist]

I would be tempted to text her back saying, "Thanks for the offer, but I have plenty of that as it is..."

this

 

[narcissist]

wow so my ex came over today to drop EVEN MORE things of mine off by surprise even though i told her i didnt want them... i wasnt home thankfully

but she talked to my mom for like 25 minutes and told her that she still loves me and now shes on ANTI-DEPRESSSANTS?

i really dont get life hahaha