VikingKing
Banned
Man, don't be hard on yourself. I hounded my ex like a crazy, retarded, angry, mad man. I've texted everything possibly you can to be hurtful. Especially things that I know shes insecure about.Jariel said:
For an entire month I was treated with disdain for like a month before she moved out. I knew somthing was wrong for about the last month, but I had no idea whats going on.
I flipped **** when she told me she was moving out, not so much the moving out part, but the lying by omission, direct lies, or half truths. She should have just left and not let me sit there driving myslef crazy. I was also drinking a lot, and doing benzos, coming off of antidepressants. I immediately got drunk and started smashing ****. She ended up running up to my neighbors apartment and called the cops.
The cops came in and I was drunk, angry, even crying a bit. But this is like 1.5 months of tension that built up from not knowing what was really going on, because she was leading me on, enjoying the nice things i started doing, and acting smug.
Well one of the cops started getting into it with me verbally (I kept my hands to myself) And eventually put me in cuffs. Well as she was getting her sh!t togather to leave, she comes over crying and yelled at the cops "What the fvck are you doing to him!" i said "shvt the fvck up you stupid b!tch, get your fvcking sh!t, and get the fvck out of here!"
Granted I wasn't a good boyfriend sometimes, but i was sometimes and she absolutely has the right to not be with me if she is not happy. But you make that decision and you tell people, you dont string them along. Even If I had a bit of a substance abuse problem, and i didnt really put very much into the relationship, I loved her as much as I was able to. I also never cheated.
Well I had been sober for about 2 weeks-ish at the point she finallytold me how she planned to move out.
So after this whole ordeal, where i made myself look very weak, i texted and I said "hey im sorry about all that, I lost my cool, you still have a key to the apartment, and feel free to come here whenever you want and you will see there is no alcohol, and that im sober." and I was for a while.
Well about three days later, guess who was knocking on my door??? She comes in, sits on the couch, we start making out, she says "im so horny" I go to take off her pants,, but she says "no, im on period" So she sucks my c0ck, and leaves. Then ignores me for a while.
When she would repsond, it would be somthing like "I need more time" right, bullsh!t.
At one point I got so mad i smashed my own phone, she bought me a new one and had it mailed to me.
I stayed in that city for 2 months, it was miserable. It was a relationship grave yard. The bed still had her scent, all the pictures she took and framed, still on the walls. She even left most of her stuff there.
I had let my emotions get so out of control, to the point where they controlled me. Now when you cross that line to far, and get real stuck in your head it can be difficult to get out of that pattern. But man your going to be fine. There is nothing wrong with you.
I broke no contact so many times I tried begging, pleading, telling her ive been sober for x amount of months, then I tried being mean, being angry, saying terrible sh!t, for so long, my ex probably thinks im the biggest loser in the world. But you know what? Fvck what she thinks. I honestly can say I dont care what she thinks anymore.
The last time I broke no contact I was asking her to be honest with me, I kinda feel like she was cheating before she left. I wanted her to tell me exactlly what was going on. Even if she was just spending time getting to know another man, and is still with me, that sh!t is cheating. Plus there were a lot of "signs" that i saw.
Your not weak bro. Who cares what she thinks. Dont be hard one yourself, forigve your self for breaking nc.
Think about it, in a few months, or couple years, you will look back and wonder why you made a big deal out of it.
I really do still believe she was cheating, or about to, or trying to monkey branch. But at this point that doesnt really matter. I would still rather know for future reference. But hey you can't always get what you want.
Stop telling yourself there is somthing wrong with you.
I still drink somtimes man. But now I go to school full time, I live on my own. Once the drinking is finally all the way gone, my life will get significantly better. The drinking makes me so depressed and I still do it. It makes me feel weak, hopless. Sometimes after I sober up and im laying there in my little apartment i think about hanging myself, alot. Or shooting myslef, and not because of her. Just because i've made bad choice after bad choice in life, and made things far more difficult then it had to be. However I will never do that.
I don't know how, but i just keep on keeping on. My life is better than a year ago, much better. I believe in time, with effort and will power, that I will have a life where I'm content with what I have, but always strive for more.
Oh and for every one on here, never resort to alcohol, or drugs to ease and pain, or anxiety. Thats a dark road you do not want to take.
You save yourself by building a new life, and try to focus on a better future. Even if you dont really believe that, keep focusing on the future, keep busy.
Oh and, it might help to take a break from this site. I visit it less, and spend less time on here. It kinda helps. When you read all this stuff, you are going to analyze your past, and compare, which causes you to focus on the past.
Last edited:
