So my GF's not so "innocent" after all, what to do..

[optimist prime]

Trance, you wrote..........

"You guys are so pathetic in terms of a woman's past. She did what she wanted to do, and she is with you because she wants to be with you, and you are with her because you want/ed to be with her.
Did she ask you if you've had 50 girls in your lifetime? Does she care? No. Do you care? Yes.

Imagine if my girlfriend wouldnt want me because i had a fu.ck-buddy before her, when i trully love her a lot, it would be just plain stupid."
---------------------------

You are forgetting one key thing here. You are not hangin out with your ex FB are you? She is. I'm sorry but if my gf wanted to hang out with a guy shes had sex with in the past without me being there, or for that matter with me there, i would put the big kabosh to that pretty quickly. I mean think of it reversed. What would she say if you told your gf "ya know, HB and I used to have sex, but since I've met you I've stopped. BUT, I still want to hang out with her and do things with her. Hope thats alright."

Please, she'd drop you in a red hot second. It is just out and out disresepectfull to want to keep "seeing" a guy that she has had sexual relations with while at the same time being your gf. Tell her in a firm yet nice manner that you know that she wouldnt want you to do the same thing if the situation was reversed, and it just puts undo stress and pressure on a relationship when there doesn't have to be any. I know that if I was a girls FB, and she kept hanging out with me even though she found a "boyfriend", the only thought running though my head would be "she wants me, she just doesn't know it yet or how to act on it". We all know that guys CANNOT have friends that are girls if the girl is at all attractive without thinking something sexual about her and at some point wanting to act on it.

Hope that helps.

 

[MacDiddy]

Newman's response is on the mark!!!

I'd also add that there is more to this sordid tale than what has been revealed.... You don't reveal everything in one hit... The fact that she wants to still be friends with Simon shows that she cannot let go of some chemistry slash attraction to Simon...

There is always a calculated reason behind people revealing their past.... Personally, if I had a fcuk buddy before my current relationship, what big deal is it anyway....

My intuition is that she's fcuked him while being with you.... or she wants your ok to hang out with simon...

 

[Alpha Male]

Originally posted by Trance
You guys are so pathetic in terms of a woman's past. She did what she wanted to do, and she is with you because she wants to be with you, and you are with her because you want/ed to be with her.
Did she ask you if you've had 50 girls in your lifetime? Does she care? No. Do you care? Yes.


Imagine if my girlfriend wouldnt want me because i had a fu.ck-buddy before her, when i trully love her a lot, it would be just plain stupid.

It's not that she's been with 100 guys before or no guys before.

It's that she wants to "HANG OUT" with a guy she's been sleeping with for ages even tho she's with Will in theory.

To my mind he's fully justified in saying he doesn't want her "HANGING OUT" with Mr Sexy on his watch.

 

[Wyldfire]

Again...you guys are NOT READING what Will wrote. She NEVER told him she wanted to "hang out" with "Simon". Will asked what he should do IF she asked to hang out with him.

All she said was she wanted to remain "friends" with "Simon". She didn't say she wanted to hang out with him. Being "friends" doesn't necessarily mean hanging out or doing things together.

Christ, why do any of you even bother date at all? You're ready to dump the girl before she even does anything! Oh no! This girl had sex with some other guy 2 months ago...that means she's going to have sex with him again while she's with me because history repeats itself! It doesn't matter that she stopped seeing him in order to be with me! She still likes him better!

Listen to yourselves. I thought you were supposed to be confident and secure...this is just bloody pathetic. She won't leave Will to go back to some guy she had sex with before unless he drives her back to that guy by acting like some of you insecure boneheads. Good God!

 

[Trance]

I restate what i said.

About that question:
She: Do you mind if i still hang out with him as friends?
Me: That's disrespect for me.

a) She: Ok, i wont be seeing him anymore.
a) Me: I didnt expect nothing less from you.

b) She: But its just as friends. Are you insecure about this?
b) Me: Of course not, but unless you're that inocent, you know a guy always wants a piece of a girl. So being with him would only show you off lack of respect for yourself.
b) She: I see what you mean. I guess you're right.
b) Me: I didnt expect nothing less from you.

c) She: (imagine she continues to say something like: but what's wrong with it? what's the big deal? just friends..)
c) Me: If you know nothing about guys, how do you want to be in a relation with me? How are you showing you respect your boyfriend in front of the others if you hang out with a former ex.FB? Get real.

In any case, end of story here. You gotta show her she has to be a respectfull lady from the start. If you dont put rules from the start, she'll start abusing of you.

Beside, this can be a great test for you to do to her. See if she complies with your rules.

Understand this. If a guy shows too much understanding for a girl's actions/will's, if she asks this and that and you dont be firm about it because you have fear of her getting pissed at you, you'll have 0 control in the relation. On the other hand, if you say you want her do to certain things your way, or that X or Y upset you in a firm manner, she'll be concerned about her actions anoying you, and since she wants things to work out well, she'll be constantly trying to fix things, not to irritate you, and always sweet talking you.

 

[StringShredder]

Ditch this ***** immediately!!!

Under the pretense of being honest and revealing herself, she is really just being deliberately hurtful or manipulative. How do we know that? Because of what she chose to reveal, from what time in her life and in what way.

Here is an example about being genuinely honest about some secret and wanting acceptance: "I'm carrying a gene for a rare disorder which has an 80% chance of developing into illness, and a 50% chance of being passed onto my children'".

This bytch is simply saying this:

- I have sexual choice, which gives me power! I was without sex for 5 months, and then decided that my button was too itchy and so on a moment's whim I was able to find a **** buddy and start getting laid. Can you do that? Nyah Nyah!

- I only ended my wonderful **** buddy relationship because I met you! Oh, the sacrifice I had to make. I'm not so sure it was a worth it, since I'm still thinking about it.

- So now, will you stay with me, wussy boy? Or will you dump me like I want you to do, so I can blame you for the breakup, look squeaky clean in front of my friends and go back to ho-ing under pretence that I'm heartbroken and lonely? Come on, dump me! I can't dump you to go **** my old friend, everyone will think I'm a slut!

- Are you sap enough to believe me that I broke off the ****-buddy relationship right away? Haha.

The best thing to say is might be: "I've never been jealous of a woman's past lovers, or even present ones for that matter. But I'm very troubled by what you chose to reveal to me and in what way: your motivations. I feel that your revelation is intended to manipulate my emotions under pretense of "coming clean". I cannot be in a relationship with someone who does that to me, so unless you can convince me that you had a good reason for revealing it to me we cannot go on. Did you tell me that so I'd break up with you so you could go back to what you had before, while looking untarnished? That won't work, because if I break up with you, I will tell people exactly why: that I had to let you go because you told me you wanted to resume a prior sexual relationship, or seek new ones."

 

[BigWillyStyle]

Wow I'm overwhelmed with many different types of advice and you guys are much appreciated for disecting this situation for me! Lot of information, While some of Belvilderes posts seemed to have some truth in them.

I talked to my GF today, and said I just wouldn't be comfartable with her spending time alone with EX fvck buddy Simon. She says that's ok and it's always him and a bunch of other friends when they hang out(with her female friends too!) <except back when they were fvck buddies of course they were alone, but not anymore!)

So, Although I wish she would not see him at all(I never told her that mind you) I guess as long as its in a group situation I can grin and bear it, at least for now.

She even asked me the next time "simon" and the other girls hang along that I could come out with them to see simon.

So far now, I'll let her see him in group situations, don't worry, I'll be keeping a keen eye on the matter. If she were to cheat, she is out on her ass no questions asked

Thanks again eveyone for your deep insight to the matter, I wasn't expecting so many deep comments. Thank you everyone!

 

[TizZle]

I've read most of the replies on this and i have to say that you are thinking too much into this.

I'm going to go ahead and make the assumption that she wants to have sex with you, since she talked about a time she had sex with someone else. I think you are making a big deal about the "sex" no strings attached part.

Woman want sex just as much as men do if not more.

And his orginal post states : Also another thing, she said she's wants to see him as friends though still, if thats ok with me. I just said "yeah I guess so"

This statement should raise a red flag. She wants to keep him as a friend and there's hardly anything you can do about it, especially since you said "yeah i guess so". It may be a good thing that you responded like that or a bad one. She is going from f*ck buddies to friends, probably b,c the dude is AFC or acting that way to get close and strike again.

Keep us informed about the situation.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Men and women shouldn't discuss their sexual past with each other so soon. Why do women do it?

BigWilly - as for this situation, I think you will show alot about yourself if you take the don't give a f*ck attitude about it and not show that it bothers you.

 

[optimist prime]

If shes willing to strictly hang out with him in a group setting, and even invite you along, that in my mind thats bearable.

But WF, heres where I have a problem with your line of thought. YOu know damn well that if some guy you started to date told you he had a FB and still wanted to hang out with her, (and yes she said she does want to be friends and hang out with him), that you would not like it. I don't really think that this girl is gonna sleep with her former FB anytime soon, but imagine the position it puts our friend willy in here. Here he is, either not out with them and knowing that the FB and her are out having a good time, drinking, dancing, whatever-and that can lead to other "things".

Or he can go out with both of them, and he has to look at a guy that he knows within the recent past few months has had his penis inside of her and for all he knows still want to put his penis inside of her. That is a very VERY uncomfortable situation for willy, and I think shes being selfish in wanting to continue the friendship as long as shes seeing willy. She is not considering his feelings and how uncomfortable that will make him feel. In fact, my guess is she will get off of the fact knowing that shes out with 2 guys who she has had relations with recently. You cant deny that. It will feed her ego and power.

 

[TurboOverCubicInches]

Will...

I think only this girl that you're seeing knows for sure what the REAL DEAL is. We can sit here and speculate all week about what you should or should not do. Alot of good points were thrown around the board. The best suggestion I can give you, is to what I call "think on you're feet". Look at the primary factors:

1) she had a fvck buddy in the very recent past. Nothing wrong with that really, guys do that and so do women.

2) However, she wants to "maintain" a friendship with this guy. RED FLAG!

3) You have known her for over a month now, and still had not had sex. RED FLAG! In this day and age, if you are not having a sex in the first month, something is usually up. *UNLESS* she is a traditional girl. BUT OBVIOUSLY, this is not the case.

4) She told you about it. Thats a good thing.

5) Some people on this board said that she must like you since she told you. This could be true, but don't take it at face value. In my opinion, if she likes you so much that she wants to withhold sex so that you respect her, she should have no problem ending the "friendship" with her former fvck buddy.

6) And this is what would seal the deal for me, and break the case:

She says she wants to maintain a friendship with this guy, right?

Look at it: They met in Mid-November of last year. A little over a year ago. And for a good period of that time, they were screwing for fun.

So, she wants to maintain an innocent friendship with a former sex partner she only has known for a little over a year? Are they THAT good of friends now, after only knowing each other for such a short period of time? There whole friendship was based on sex...and to further hurt her case, she has not known him that long.

If she truly likes you, she should NOT be speaking to some guy who COULD NOT POSSIBLY be THAT GOOD OF FRIENDS WITH HER after only a YEAR AND SOME of knowing each other. Better yet, someone she was SCREWING for a good period of time during their friendship.

Shady, shady, shady.

I COULD BE WRONG....Wyldfire has some good points. But as a 25 year old guy who has seen it all through 5 years of college and quite some time in the real world, I would advise you to look elsewhere.

I just wanted to add an edit. If this guy has become a part of her circle of friends, ie, he's friends with her other friends, then that might be a lil different. It wasn't clear from the posts whether she was bringing him along when you guys were to go out or he was just gonna be there because he usually hangs out with her circle.

 

[NewMan]

***
Again...you guys are NOT READING what Will wrote. She NEVER told him she wanted to "hang out" with "Simon". Will asked what he should do IF she asked to hang out with him
***

Wyldfire - I understand that you are trying to being a womans perspective into this..... but on this you are way off.

Here you go - just in case you were ignoring this little update from BW:

***
She asked how I'd feel if she continues seeing her fvck buddy as a friend ONLY
***

So...

Many of you are missing the point here.

Your concentrating on the fact that she had a FB... which is irrelevant in many respects.

It's IS her past - and Big Willy wasn't around - so you can't hold her accountable for that. Everyone has a past.

What you can hold her accountable for is for her lack of intergrity. Her lies and her Bull Sh#t. here is why.

1) She calls this guy a Fb only. Which is clearly not the case. She is emotionally attached to him... why else would she want to "Be friends" with him....

2) She's willing to push all her emotional baggage onto Big Willy for him to deal with. What does she get out of this? a guilt free mind, she get's to see a guy that was fvcking her with not strings attached. What does "Simon" get out of it? he get's to warm up in the bull pin. Get's to flirt - who knows even fvck her if the opportunity presents itself. What does Big willy get? he get's the headaches. he gets to deal with her Bull Sh#t. he gets to see his woman hang with some guy who was bending her over a coach 2 months ago WHILST HE DOESN'T EVEN GET A SMELL OF THE PVSSY.

3) If this was just a FB - she'd have kept this sh#t to herself - and he'd know longer be in the picture. Big Willy would know she had a history - she'd know he's got one - and everyone is dealing with their own baggage.


Also this BS about only hanging in a group is rediculous. It amazes me how constantly women fvck friends - they need to understand - as soon as a guy sticks his C@ck in you, he's no longer a friend.

This chick is so inconsistant with her actions and words.

I'm sorry big Willy - but this chick has baggage - baggage she doesn't know how to handle.

 

[NewMan]

***
I just wanted to add an edit. If this guy has become a part of her circle of friends, ie, he's friends with her other friends, then that might be a lil different. It wasn't clear from the posts whether she was bringing him along when you guys were to go out or he was just gonna be there because he usually hangs out with her circle.
***

That's just one more flag against all this BS that she's been saying...

Just a FB....

 

[HKgunslinger]

I think we can all ignore Wyldfire's advice here. SHE is a WOMAN. You NEVER take relationship or DJ advice from a woman. Ever. Period.

If I had taken advice from women in the few times I needed direction in this sort of thing, I would be home alone sucking my thumb and pissing my pants in heartbreak to this very day.

'Slinger

 

[sapphire]

I am kind of troubled by her suggesting that still she hang out with her "former" FB let alone her meeting some random guy at a bar who she ends up fycking for 5 months.

If she had any respect for the relationship and her BF, she would, at the very least, cut all contact with this other guy Simon.

I definitely see trouble with this situation.

 

[DeathDealer]

Based on Wyldfyre's statements and RATIONALIZATIONS.

All DJs in the future upon the next girl they meet tell the new girl about his last relationship/friends with benefits relationship.

It's HONEST and OPEN.

If you were to meet with a female friend, clearly state to your new girl that you are meeting your former girlfriend that broke up with you in just a month or two ago or even better tell her that you're meeting your former friends with benefits.

I don't know about the rest of the DJs besides Wyldfire but do you place more value on a girl that:

1. Tells you all of her sex escapades, 100 relationships.

or

2. Keeps it quiet out of respect for you and your sanity.

*** You may say she is more loyal is she is more upset. Hardly buddy. I know a girl who had a boyfriend of 2 years, she was the girl that was in your face type that talked about the ex boyfriends she's dated, etc. yet she enjoyed going on pseudo-dates with several guys during this time ***

The boyfriend? He could handle it. But then again he's a little messed up in the head since he grew up with an abusive mother. So is this Wyldfire's situation, a boy who grew up with an abusive mother who doesn't mind a woman being disrespectful? In his rationalized statements, YES.

Update, I just found out that Wyldfire is a FEMALE. her integrity in the DJ forums just dropped 50%, Men listen to other men. Perhaps Wyldfire grew up in a domineering female household wher ebeing a strong woman who screams and denounces men openly is okay.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by NewMan
Sorry to be coming in on this one late.

If I'm repeating anything sorry....

here is acouple of thoughts.

1) It amazes me how many women tell their current guys about their sordid past.... or at least the past that they are not proud or are feeling guilty about.

The bottom line is, she's not telling him to make him feel good - or to get emotionally closer with him - she's telling him because of her own guilt. It's a selfish act on her part.

2) To think this chick was not both emotionally and physically attached to her FB is rediculous. She is. She want's to be friends with him now.... that doesn't sound like she doesn't care about him. Rather she does care about him.

3) the fact that she wants to hang out with him - and then unloads all her bull sh#t onto you and her past - so she can clear he conscience is selfish - and tells of her character.

You can bet the house that when/if they hang out, there will be sexual tension. there will be little flirty sh#t going on... especially from him.

Trust me, I've been the other guy.



You can sugar coat it anyway you want.

She is selfish. She;s emotionally attached to him, and has shown she'll put all of her BS onto you.

If you feel you are able to handle this in the future (which you should - it's history) grab your balls and make sure that this other guy is not in the picture - if you want a relationship.

Not to mention the fact that he's been seeing her for awhile now and he hasn't even schtoofed her yet........

 

[SimplyBlue]

Instead of trying to disect the what-if's, why don't you try and play the game back to her. It seems like you are the one feeling uncomfortable in the relationship because you no longer trust her the same way you used to. Why not spend a fair amount of time with your female friends/acquaintances and make sure she knows you are doing it. She still wants to be friends with an ex-fb and hang out with him, you reciprocate by letting her know that you hang out with YOUR close female friends. You want to let her know that if she does cheat, you won't give a crap because you have plenty of women around you to replace her. I am not telling you to cheat but to show her you aren't stuck up on what she told you and that you are in demand. If she was being honest and won't cheat on you then you did nothing wrong, if however she does you'll have a couple of females to promptly replace her. You've only been together for about a month. If she considers it OK to see her ex-fb, you should consider it OK to hang out with many other girls(as long as you are not cheating on her). If you make her jealous, she might re-think her actions.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

The more and more I read this thread and think about it, the fishier this sounds.

Something ain't quite right about this, she's playing some pretty tight game. I'd back off a little, and start f*cking with her head a little. Actually, if it's me, she's placed herself in the f*ck em and ch*ck em bucket until she proves herself otherwise.

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
The more and more I read this thread and think about it, the fishier this sounds.

Something ain't quite right about this, she's playing some pretty tight game. I'd back off a little, and start f*cking with her head a little. Actually, if it's me, she's placed herself in the f*ck em and ch*ck em bucket until she proves herself otherwise.

Dont hate the game, its obvious she is out gaming him, he needs to step up his if he can. Of course it's fishey, but why shouldnt it be since someone must lead-it's clear that he is moving like a sheep instead of a lion.

Right now he's the earth and she's the sun, he's orbiting her.

It's obvious the last cat was pimpen while homey here is symping!