Should I text her first or wait it out?

[L16]

Decided I am going to shoot her a text. If she's down she'll respond favorably and it's good. If she's not, she either rejects me or doesn't answer and it's whatever. We have friends in common and just because she doesn't respond now doesn't mean it's off the table to **** another time. I have nothing to lose.

She just got back into town on Monday.

I'm debating whether I shoot her a text her some time this week or wait to see if she hits me up this week and if not send her a text next week.

Waiting till next week maybe means less of a "desperate" vibe by not texting her this week and letting a little more time pass. On the flip side also further away from our fun at the wedding so likely lowered interest.

What do you all think

 

[Bingo-Player]

If she hasn't messaged after saying she would , you can assume the interest or attention has faded

Shoot your shot but you need to be VERY careful with how you go about it because she's already holding all the aces

I would probably try and aim for a tease or a witty quip to warm the interaction back up , probably easier to do this on social meida

But again I would proceed with extreme caution this broad seems flaky

 

[L16]

If she hasn't messaged after saying she would , you can assume the interest or attention has faded

Shoot your shot but you need to be VERY careful with how you go about it because she's already holding all the aces

I would probably try and aim for a tease or a witty quip to warm the interaction back up , probably easier to do this on social meida

But again I would proceed with extreme caution this broad seems flaky

Yea a lot of time has passed.

She did say she'd text me when she's back in town and she just got back some time Monday I think, so not that much time, but definitely could have sent a text while she was with family for the week.

Still feel like saying **** it and shooting a shot.

Got any inspiration you can share for a witty/teasing way to reinitiate that you would use?

Btw, she is flaky, I'm not looking to date this girl or anything like that. More a friends with benefits that aren't close friends, or **** buddy situation.

 

[HaleyBaron]

If she hasn't messaged after saying she would , you can assume the interest or attention has faded

Shoot your shot but you need to be VERY careful with how you go about it because she's already holding all the aces

I would probably try and aim for a tease or a witty quip to warm the interaction back up , probably easier to do this on social meida

But again I would proceed with extreme caution this broad seems flaky

I would not even do a tease.

Just a "sup." That is just me. Not worth my time, personally.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Few months ago I asked a girl for a drink. She said " maybe ". I told her straight up "Thanks, but I'm not doing " Maybe girl". I moved on , and now with a much better one.

^^In your case Diver, you did the right thing but generally speaking are you (and others) familiar with nuance?

There's a big difference between "Maybe, I'll be in touch next week" which you're right, would have indicated low interest ... and what she did text...

I'll be home in a week", "I'll text you when I'm back, maybe ".

Can you see the difference? Her text was playful and teasing as evidenced by the tone and smiley face. It would have been better if she posted a wink emoji but the smiley face was good enough.

Why take it so seriously? IME it wasn't meant to be serious it was playful banter which can be fun and a great segue into getting what you want with a girl you like (and hope to bang again).

OP how did you respond? Or did you ignore it?

A shame really cause if you had played this differently without all the overthinking and interpreting it as some sort of rejection and simply replied with something equally playful and teasing (displaying confidence) and had fun with it, you could be f***ing her right now.

Now, a week later I dunno, gotta strike while the iron is hot.

And going forward learn to recognize and appreciate nuance and not take everything so darn seriously or interpret everything as some sort of manipulation.

P.S. Agree with what @New_Journey posted, spot on.

 

[L16]

^^Lol, sorry don't mean to laugh Diver but are you (and others) familiar with nuance?

There's a big difference between "Maybe, I'll be in touch next week" which you're right, does indicate low interest ... and what she did text...



How do you not see the difference? Her text was playful and teasing as evidenced by the tone and smiley face. It would have been better if she posted a wink emoji but the smiley face was good enough.

Why take it so seriously? IME it wasn't meant to be serious it was playful banter which can be fun and a great segue into getting what you want with a girl you like (and hope to bang again).

OP how did you respond? Or did you ignore it?

A shame really cause if you had played this differently without all the overthinking and interpreting it as some sort of rejection and simply replied with something equally playful and teasing (displaying confidence) and had fun with it, you could be f***ing her right now.

Now, a week later I dunno, gotta strike while the iron is hot.

And going forward learn to recognize and appreciate nuance and not take everything so darn seriously or interpret everything as some sort of manipulation.

P.S. Agree with what @New_Journey posted, spot on.

I didn't take it as any sort of rejection, I actually read it as playful/flirtatious which was encouraging.

Unfortunately, at the time, my response sucked. Since she told me I couldn't come to her place because her mother was staying with her for their flight early in the morning, I offered to get her a car to mine.

Logistics on her side were 100% true. My response 100% sucked. I was drunk, it was 2am, we had just been making out, whatever.

This would be a **** buddy/friends with benefits type situation.

No she didn't text me while she was home with family. Not the best sign but not necessarily the worst thing here.

She said she'd text me when she's back, she just got back late Monday, so she's basically been back in town 2 days now.

I think I may text her Saturday afternoon if I don't hear from her after Friday night and just say something along the lines of rather than waiting till next time (she said "next time" in one of her responses) why don't we just grab drinks and hang out today/tonight?

Will add a little humor to it but **** it.

If she's interested, we'll make a plan or there will be conversation that leads to plans.

If she's not, she'll say no or blow me off and my response will be ok all good see you next time.

Under the right circumstances, I have no doubt, when we run into each other again, I'll have a very good chance to **** her.

 

[L16]

Update: my friend setup a couple of hours of bowling between himself, his wife, my friend and his wife and then this girl.

late sunday afternoon. we all had a good time. this girl and I mostly sat next to each other in between turns talking. when we passed by each other, some kino, she grabbed by hand at one point.

chemistry wasn't quite as strong, but bowling on a sunday is a pretty different vibe from being at a wedding.

towards the end I decided to ask her what she's doing after, she said not much, so I decided to just be a ****ing man and ask her if she wants to hang out.

she kind of hesitated and said well I actually might be meeting a friend and her boyfriend for dinner. I just said okk cool.

the whole group left together but 4 of them got in a car and the 2 of us walked together to the street. I told her I was going to get a car and she said she was going to walk to the train.

we hugged, kissed on the cheek, she mentioned doing a weekly bowling league and we parted ways.

I shot her a text saying "hey if you don't end up getting dinner with C, lets grab a bite tonight or later this week".

I figured **** it, i'll send the text. if she says no, I'm not seeing her again for months so the slate is wiped clean. If she says yes, cool, lets go.

Well, she took about an hour to respond and just said "ended up going to dinner".

I felt like I gave her the opportunity to say "ended up going to dinner but lets hang out this week" or "maybe Thursday" just anything else indicating interest in hanging out. as everybody here says, if a girl is into you, she'll make it easy for you.

I'm pretty sure I just don't respond here at all.

But not sure if not responding makes me seem butt hurt? Or not at all?

Or do I say cool, lets hang out this week and see what she says? Seems like a little like I'm chasing if I do that. Again, if she wanted to , she would have made it easier?

Gut says just say nothing and when I see her next time it's a new game if I want to play it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Update: my friend setup a couple of hours of bowling between himself, his wife, my friend and his wife and then this girl.

late sunday afternoon. we all had a good time. this girl and I mostly sat next to each other in between turns talking. when we passed by each other, some kino, she grabbed by hand at one point.

chemistry wasn't quite as strong, but bowling on a sunday is a pretty different vibe from being at a wedding.

towards the end I decided to ask her what she's doing after, she said not much, so I decided to just be a ****ing man and ask her if she wants to hang out.

she kind of hesitated and said well I actually might be meeting a friend and her boyfriend for dinner. I just said okk cool.

the whole group left together but 4 of them got in a car and the 2 of us walked together to the street. I told her I was going to get a car and she said she was going to walk to the train.

we hugged, kissed on the cheek, she mentioned doing a weekly bowling league and we parted ways.

I shot her a text saying "hey if you don't end up getting dinner with C, lets grab a bite tonight or later this week".

I figured **** it, i'll send the text. if she says no, I'm not seeing her again for months so the slate is wiped clean. If she says yes, cool, lets go.

Well, she took about an hour to respond and just said "ended up going to dinner".

I felt like I gave her the opportunity to say "ended up going to dinner but lets hang out this week" or "maybe Thursday" just anything else indicating interest in hanging out. as everybody here says, if a girl is into you, she'll make it easy for you.

I'm pretty sure I just don't respond here at all.

But not sure if not responding makes me seem butt hurt? Or not at all?

Or do I say cool, lets hang out this week and see what she says? Seems like a little like I'm chasing if I do that. Again, if she wanted to , she would have made it easier?

Gut says just say nothing and when I see her next time it's a new game if I want to play it.

Why would you go on a triple date if your goal was to bang her?

Seems like you don't know what you want from the interaction or how to beat set yourself up for success.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You're forcing something that's not there. She might want a friends-with-benefits arrangement or something similar with no strings attached, but you're acting like you're looking for a full-on boyfriend-girlfriend situation. You’ve got oneitis, which is clouding your judgment. You're not in a position to negotiate, especially when you're chasing after her attention like you're scraping the bottom of the barrel.

A real player would call her and set up a simple plan to meet up, have a good time, and hook up. Instead, you're emotionally invested, which makes me think you don’t have many other options. The more you pursue her in an obvious way, the more you're likely to push her away.

Just text back saying, "Cool, have fun," and leave it at that. Let her reach out to you and ask you out. Show some self-respect and let her come to you.

In the meantime keep levelling up and talk to more women.

 

[mikey2012]

Men initiate - you need to text her. I agree with the sentiment above, a couple days before. You should have even written / called her a couple days after seeing her given the timeline.

Disagree . If a woman likes you enough she will initiate . Wait it out . Have options .

 

[CornbreadFed]

If she likes you then you wouldn't have to make a topic about her.

 

[L16]

Why would you go on a triple date if your goal was to bang her?

Seems like you don't know what you want from the interaction or how to beat set yourself up for success.

It wasn't like that. My friend asked if I wanted to go bowling Sunday, I said sure. Didn't know she would be there also until Saturday night.

Wasn't going to back out because she was going to be there. Wanted to go bowling with friends. In regards to her being there, I was like ok, well since these logistics kind of squashed the good vibes since it was two weeks ago already, lets see what the vibes are like.

You're forcing something that's not there. She might want a friends-with-benefits arrangement or something similar with no strings attached, but you're acting like you're looking for a full-on boyfriend-girlfriend situation. You’ve got oneitis, which is clouding your judgment. You're not in a position to negotiate, especially when you're chasing after her attention like you're scraping the bottom of the barrel.

A real player would call her and set up a simple plan to meet up, have a good time, and hook up. Instead, you're emotionally invested, which makes me think you don’t have many other options. The more you pursue her in an obvious way, the more you're likely to push her away.

Just text back saying, "Cool, have fun," and leave it at that. Let her reach out to you and ask you out. Show some self-respect and let her come to you.

In the meantime keep levelling up and talk to more women.

Think I tried to force it Sunday by asking her to hang out for sure. We had a good time, but the vibes weren't "lets ****". Which makes sense, we were bowling and having some beers on a late Sunday afternoon. I was just kind of in the mindset of, well we don't tend to see each other very often, we just had this fun, organic thing, a couple of weeks ago, might as well shoot my shot now or this is dead because I'm not pursuing this further.

I don't think I've been acting like I want a relationship with her or pursuing her in an obvious way though? I made out with her at a wedding and tried to go home with her that night to have sex. Then we happened to be at the same social gathering a few weeks later, hung out most of the time, and asked her if she wanted to hang out afterwards. At some point in the interaction you have to take the risk of saying lets do something/lets hook up.

Always tougher to see the reality of things when you're in it though. That I know. So maybe I have been but don't see it yet.

But yeah, I think I should have probably just hit her up before this past weekend and said hey want to grab drinks and hang out tonight.

Or I wish I had not asked to hang out Sunday after bowling and hit her up this week to hang out and hook up.

Lesson learned there.

View attachment 13581

Think I'm going to need a translation on this one?

If she likes you then you wouldn't have to make a topic about her.

I think initially when I posted this, it could have gone either way for who reaches out to who first.

But like I mentioned in my update post, I agree here, that if she wanted to sleep with me, her text back would have said something like "wound up going to dinner but lets hang out this week/Thursday".

Will have to just let this one go for now.

Annoying since we had that great night at the wedding but logistics ****ed it all up. Hard to keep the momentum going after that.

I'll see her again at some point though.

 

[HaleyBaron]

I want to say I told you so, but this is a learning opportunity than anything.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I'll see her again at some point though.

Forget this girl, plenty of fish in the sea.

 

[BPH]

towards the end I decided to ask her what she's doing after, she said not much, so I decided to just be a ****ing man and ask her if she wants to hang out.

she kind of hesitated and said well I actually might be meeting a friend and her boyfriend for dinner. I just said okk cool.

the whole group left together but 4 of them got in a car and the 2 of us walked together to the street. I told her I was going to get a car and she said she was going to walk to the train.

we hugged, kissed on the cheek, she mentioned doing a weekly bowling league and we parted ways.

I shot her a text saying "hey if you don't end up getting dinner with C, lets grab a bite tonight or later this week".

I figured **** it, i'll send the text. if she says no, I'm not seeing her again for months so the slate is wiped clean. If she says yes, cool, lets go.

Well, she took about an hour to respond and just said "ended up going to dinner".

Yeah, it's dead. I wouldn't put anymore thought towards this. Plus you've been with her before, so it's not like this is some groundbreaking new girl.

If she reinitiates you might entertain that, but otherwise I wouldn't text back.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Think I tried to force it Sunday by asking her to hang out for sure. We had a good time, but the vibes weren't "lets ****". Which makes sense, we were bowling and having some beers on a late Sunday afternoon. I was just kind of in the mindset of, well we don't tend to see each other very often, we just had this fun, organic thing, a couple of weeks ago, might as well shoot my shot now or this is dead because I'm not pursuing this further.

I don't think I've been acting like I want a relationship with her or pursuing her in an obvious way though? I made out with her at a wedding and tried to go home with her that night to have sex. Then we happened to be at the same social gathering a few weeks later, hung out most of the time, and asked her if she wanted to hang out afterwards. At some point in the interaction you have to take the risk of saying lets do something/lets hook up.

Always tougher to see the reality of things when you're in it though. That I know. So maybe I have been but don't see it yet.

But yeah, I think I should have probably just hit her up before this past weekend and said hey want to grab drinks and hang out tonight.

Or I wish I had not asked to hang out Sunday after bowling and hit her up this week to hang out and hook up.

Lesson learned there.

So, essentially, she wouldn't have hung out with you romantically, only in group settings. It's hard to say for sure if she's trying to avoid you, but it does seem like that might be the case, especially since you didn't even know she'd be at the gathering.

I understand the idea of taking your shot, and if it doesn't work out, then so be it. However, good seducers know how to pick their people. They look for those who are vulnerable to them and avoid those who are emotionally closed off. It's smarter to let go of women who aren't receptive to you—after all, you can't win over everyone. At the same time, it's important to actively seek out those who respond positively. This approach makes seduction more enjoyable and satisfying in the end.

Take everyone's advice here to move on and talk to more women.

 

[L16]

So, essentially, she wouldn't have hung out with you romantically, only in group settings. It's hard to say for sure if she's trying to avoid you, but it does seem like that might be the case, especially since you didn't even know she'd be at the gathering.

I understand the idea of taking your shot, and if it doesn't work out, then so be it. However, good seducers know how to pick their people. They look for those who are vulnerable to them and avoid those who are emotionally closed off. It's smarter to let go of women who aren't receptive to you—after all, you can't win over everyone. At the same time, it's important to actively seek out those who respond positively. This approach makes seduction more enjoyable and satisfying in the end.

Take everyone's advice here to move on and talk to more women.

I know this isn't the main point, but she's not trying to avoid me. We were in a group chat about the bowling. If she were trying to avoid me, she'd probably have bailed after realizing I was going to be there. Instead she was very enthusiastic about bowling. Sat next to me and talked to basically just me, the entire time we were bowling. I'm also like 99% positive, when we passed by each other, she grabbed my hand.

But yeah, I took my shot based on what happened at the wedding. I guess hoping I created enough interest and attraction that next time she saw me she'd want to hook up. The logistics and time that passed screwed that all up.

Agreed though, this is dead. Moving on.

 

[The Diver]

^^In your case Diver, you did the right thing but generally speaking are you (and others) familiar with nuance?

Your update self self-explanatory as to why there is no room for nuance when asking a girl out: Anything other than a clear YES is a big NO.

You should be very clear with your romantic intentions when ask a girl out, and show no tolerance for "nuance bs" . She'll respect you more for being clear and direct,even if her answer will be No.

 

[Divorced w 3]

It wasn't like that. My friend asked if I wanted to go bowling Sunday, I said sure. Didn't know she would be there also until Saturday night.

Wasn't going to back out because she was going to be there. Wanted to go bowling with friends. In regards to her being there, I was like ok, well since these logistics kind of squashed the good vibes since it was two weeks ago already, lets see what the vibes are like.



Think I tried to force it Sunday by asking her to hang out for sure. We had a good time, but the vibes weren't "lets ****". Which makes sense, we were bowling and having some beers on a late Sunday afternoon. I was just kind of in the mindset of, well we don't tend to see each other very often, we just had this fun, organic thing, a couple of weeks ago, might as well shoot my shot now or this is dead because I'm not pursuing this further.

I don't think I've been acting like I want a relationship with her or pursuing her in an obvious way though? I made out with her at a wedding and tried to go home with her that night to have sex. Then we happened to be at the same social gathering a few weeks later, hung out most of the time, and asked her if she wanted to hang out afterwards. At some point in the interaction you have to take the risk of saying lets do something/lets hook up.

Always tougher to see the reality of things when you're in it though. That I know. So maybe I have been but don't see it yet.

But yeah, I think I should have probably just hit her up before this past weekend and said hey want to grab drinks and hang out tonight.

Or I wish I had not asked to hang out Sunday after bowling and hit her up this week to hang out and hook up.

Lesson learned there.



Think I'm going to need a translation on this one?



I think initially when I posted this, it could have gone either way for who reaches out to who first.

But like I mentioned in my update post, I agree here, that if she wanted to sleep with me, her text back would have said something like "wound up going to dinner but lets hang out this week/Thursday".

Will have to just let this one go for now.

Annoying since we had that great night at the wedding but logistics ****ed it all up. Hard to keep the momentum going after that.

I'll see her again at some point though.

Honestly the only move that evening to even remotely have sparked anything would have been to just been the quintessential friend to everyone there, treated her exactly like anyone else and just gone home. I wouldn’t have asked her what her plans were, you thought you were shooting a shot but her, all of us, and anyone else who knew about the wedding all expected you to do that. The move was not to do that. Throw her off balance. Get her wondering why. I would have been like okay guys gotta run, you guys have a great rest of your night. She may have deduced you had other plans, but what’s done is done. Don’t chase. You’ll upset yourself, you need to start getting over her. Good luck.

 

[L16]

Honestly the only move that evening to even remotely have sparked anything would have been to just been the quintessential friend to everyone there, treated her exactly like anyone else and just gone home. I wouldn’t have asked her what her plans were, you thought you were shooting a shot but her, all of us, and anyone else who knew about the wedding all expected you to do that. The move was not to do that. Throw her off balance. Get her wondering why. I would have been like okay guys gotta run, you guys have a great rest of your night. She may have deduced you had other plans, but what’s done is done. Don’t chase. You’ll upset yourself, you need to start getting over her. Good luck.

Yeah definitely wish I had done that.

But after what happened at the wedding I had it stuck in my head that I had to do something now, thinking there would still be some intrigue and interest there.

If it didn't work out, I know I don't see her that often at all, so it wouldn't really effect the next time I do see her. Which again, may not be for 3-6+ months, so thinking any "damage" done, wouldn't be present at that point.

I'm not crying over this.

Just a little pissed with myself and that I didn't close this. Will be out of my head soon.