sageproduct's senior year field reports.

[sageproduct]

haha wait you're right, what i'm feelin now isn't even close to some of the REALLY ridiculous one-itises i used to have...like the one i had freshman year, geez you don't even want to know how bad it was

Weirdly though, my attraction for Sherman C seems to be completely of #2 that you said, the emoitonal sh1t like "we'd be great together" and stuff and like NO sexual attraction...strange. but ya you're right I'm not to the extenet where I'm like imagining us doing EVERYTHING together as a couple.

AND one-itis implies one. since i feared having it with Sherman C, that's why I now have a report for....

Psuedo-Date with Mel K (girl who randomly fb chatted me one day, this was the first time i had ever met her in person)

Backdrop
So for those who don't remember waaaaay back, she randomly fb chatted me this one day about some assignment for a class that we both had but in different periods. Good thing for me, I got her number, did C&F and she ended up givin a little attitude herself. We ended up turning some paper thing into a bet of who would get a better grade. We got the same grade, but turns out my bet was that I would get a BETTER grade so she won the bet. Forgot how the payment turned into ice cream, but I remember I said I was going to get ice cream that one day and she suggested I could buy her some as the prize...since I wasn't originally really interested in her I just kind of didn't show much interest in her for a while, until this week.
Before
About an hour before, I started getting the butterflies and jelly arms and legs just a bit. It wasn't that I liked this girl that much already, it was more kind of that "anxious" feeling of how I was going to "perform" on this "date" after believing myself to be much improved with females.

The Beginning
Had trouble finding her house but it was all good. She stepped into the car, I see her for the first time in person. Wow, she looked a lot better than I thought she did in her fb pics. Then I noticed something else. She had perfume on and I could smell it pretty heavily.

We really got the conversation going easily. I got much less nervous and the conversation was flowing so well I had that feeling you get with someone where you could pick so many different ways to lead the conversation but you just don't know which one. My confidence grew considerably and I made sure to hold eye contact sometimes (even though I was driving) and not always talk. She seemed to be laughing at everything I was saying and going along with my dumbest, smallest jokes and comments (like commenting on cars that were on the road)

The Ice Cream
I did manage to initiate kino in the car, I put my hand on her shoulder briefly while saying something. When we got to Oberweis, I was seriously feeling very in control. I noticed my confident, positive body language, always making slow, defined movements. I held the door open for her very naturally.

I was actually surprised by how well I kept the conversation going, given I haven't had any social activity since Friday. When we were ordering, she told me to order something for her. Well, I made up my mind pretty quickly and ordered one of my favs for her. Turned away and made some joke about the cashier.

Eating the Ice Cream
We ended up sitting across from each other at a table for two, even though I would have preferred sitting like at two sides next to each other of a square so that we weren't directly facing each other. Felt a little awkward at first but the conversation made it all better. Was good cuz she kept laughing at everything and this encouraged me. A few times I just stared at her smiling when she said something interesting until she started laughing again.

Did less C&F than I did with Binny K (lol i took her to this very same oberweis...) but I think that was a good thing because my C&F before seemed a little unnatural. I ended up telling her a lot more stories and talking a lot more than I usually do with girls. Maybe it's cuz she was actually pretty quiet, ESPECIALLY for the kind of attitude (not bad, like a C&F attitude) she was giving me over text.

The one thing I did kind of grill her a little bit on was how she was talking about everything in her life so negatively, basically saying that it sucks. There were some little kids behind me so I looked at them for a while and then talked to her a bit about childhood memories. Just realized, this is a REALLY good way to click with someone! MOST people have great childhood memories, at least a couple. Even though she didn't have many, I remember reading this one thing saying that girls LOVE to be brought back to the fun they had in their childhood...even though that article I think was geared toward adults who have to ****1n work all day long.

A Twist
My dad called me and basically told me to drive home right NOW and that if I wanted to stay out I'd have to drive my mom's car instead. Wellllll I didn't want the "date" to end right there but I couldn't say "lets go to my house and then drive back her or somewhere random" so I kind of subtlely started a converation about games....competitions....then bowling. I can't even remember how I did it. But then I just popped out, "Wait wanna go bowling right now?" I hesitated a little before asking this, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have had the confidence to do it if she hadn't been so approving of everything I was saying.

She hesitated for a sec i think and said "Um, sure!" and I was actually kind of amazed at how easily I pulled it off. I told her I had to drive home first and switch cars, so we did that.

Bowling
By now in the car I kinoed her much more, a couple times. I even started singing along a little bit with the radio which I usually only do when I'm driving alone or with a good friend...again amazed at how comfortable I was.

Side Note
Lately a lot of wisdom about confidence has been going through my head...how part of true and total confidence is accepting one's own shortcomings. Well because of this, lately whenever someone says something bad about me, I make absolutely no effort to defend myself. If it's a joke, I go along with it, or if it's true criticism I take it constructively.

How is this relevant? Well as the night went on I noticed that I said a few bad things about myself. When she asked me about colleges, first thing I said was that I got denied by my dream school. Listening to the radio, I turned it up saying that I didn't actually wanna hear my own voice when I'm singing along with a song (she laughed at this). Also, when we were at Oberweis I was telling her about how much I suck at bowling. When I did get a strike on one frame, I played it off modestly.
-End Side Note-

-Continue Bowling-
When we got there the guy told us it cost $15 for the both of us. On the inside I was like "Fuc|<!!!" but I didn't say a word and paid it all...AFC or classy? I'm not sure, but I think I would have felt really awkward telling her to pay. I guess it's a good thing cuz then she considers it a real date?

The Actual Bowling
Was pretty fun. I sucked, as I said. First frame, I bowled two gutterballs and she did the same. I played it off cool and asked her about 3 times total if she wanted to turn it into a bet but she said she sucked too much to.

At first I was doing okay and she was doing terrible so I encouraged her. She got a strike or something, I got some good kino doing one of those face-to-face double high fives and stuff. One time when I gave her a high five she held on to my hand. I stood with my hands on my hips and leaning back with my pelivs forward slightly when it was her turn to go. She kinoed me back once when I was standing in her way and she put her hand on my outer chest while walking by.

Oh and also think I should mention, I got the impression tonight that she's usually kind of a shy girl. (believe it or not, that's always been a turn-on actually for gf types...probably cuz i used to be ultra-shy myself)

After being ****y a bit and encouraging her, she picked up my attitude a bit and started challenging me a bit. When I said "bring it on", instead of backing down she pushed back a bit. Good.

Embarrassingly enough haha, she ended up beating me. I really do suck at bowling, I bowled an 82 and she scored an 87 (had a strike in frame ten that put her ahead of me...rats). I joked that nobody beats me at two things and she was playfully ****y, "yeah i'm just amazing..."

Car Ride to her house
I let the silences go a bit longer and wait for her to initiate again cuz I was a little tired of talking all the time, even though I was telling a few good stories. She actually did open up a bit and kept the conversation going, which she couldn't do earlier.

I'd say my mind was reeeal smooth and put together right now. I started talking a little softer and talking a bit more about eh...arousing (?! don't think it's the right word) stuff. Talked a little about disney world, christmas lights and how beautiful they looked...but I didn't actually use the word beautiul. Also talked about how I LOVE driving with the windows open at night and tried to talk about the sensations a bit...

By now, I was really confident. I was thinking hell yeah for going for the kiss while before the 'date' i was really confused on whether or not it'd be weird if I went for it.

 

[sageproduct]

The Important Part
When I got to her house, I had meant for her to chill in the car for just a bit and talk for a little, but she opened the door immediately so I got right out haha. Walked up to her front door, commented on her christmas lights...

She got there before I did and faced me while I was still finishing walking to the front door. Before I was done turning to her, she threw her arms around me. I wasn't really expecting this, I thought I was gonna have to initiate something but ya.

When we broke the hug, I tried to do the same thing I did with Binny K when I had my first kiss ever: slide my hands down to her lower back, bring her in and seal the deal.

Well my memory's always a bit skewed of these kinds of things...but what I think happened was I was kind of looking into her eyes, trying to hold her there but she seemed nervous and started pulling away. I felt like it'd beawkward to force her by pulling her back in, so I let her go without kissing her.

I feel like she looked at me long enough so that if I gave her a quick peck after the hug, I could, but it wasn't enough time for me to just kind of look at her and go in slowly. I have this really bad mental image stuck in my head...it was some tv show where a guy was dropping a girl off from a date (he thought it was but she didnt), he leaned over and quickly gave her a peck on the lips and she was like wtf and got out. Couldn't get that out of my head. But anyway, I think it was fine because you should make it so that the girl wants a kiss and kind of anticipates one before you give it to them right?

I just felt like it wasn't terrible because:
-I didn't feel bad for not kissing her, just kind of like "oh well"
-it was the first time i had even met her in person (in high school it's usually seen as kind of "weird" if you meet up alone with someone you havent ever met in person)
-she's shy
-she initiated the hug
-she showed other ioi's (i think)
-i'm pretty sure she was nervous
-also pretty sure she's just as inexperienced as i am

Well, that was the "date".

Random Jumbled Thoughts
-it seemed the me owing her ice cream thing turned out to just be a backdrop for us hanging out alone when we hadn't ever met before...but i'm not complaining
-i spent $25 total. fwck!!!!!
-shes cute
-the thing that sticks out in my mind the most physically is actually the smell....whatever perfume she was using really got me going, i really wanna smell more of it haha...well what does that say, I need to get some ****ing cologne for myself ASAP.
-pretty sure the whole night did kind of have the "vibe" of a date. haha I could tell when we got to the bowling alley people were looking at me like "whoa, an asian dude taking a girl out alone? no fwckin way"
-at one point i was a little concerned about how she was going along with everything i said and laughing too...seems like it should be an IOI but for a sec i was concerned she was just laughing because she thought i was weird and was just along for the ice cream. (and free bowling i guess...)
-friendly or bf/gf? well i was pretty playful with her and kept everything light. Kinoed a fair amount. This alone isn't guarantee though, cuz i've noticed girls do tease each other and kino each other. Not a single time the whole night was there a sexual moment or any mention of sexuality. Could have thrown in a hint maybe i guess to see her reaction or just kind of find an innuendo in whatever she said but i didnt'...o well.
-i like to think that she was nervous at first but opened up later...hopefully she was nervous hehe

Texted her after I got home saying I could handle losing, but [blah blah blah something weird happened with my car i said it freaked me out]. Forgot where but I read once that a goodnight-i-had-fun text after a date will go a long way.

Whew, glad I finally finished typing this novel.

One last random thought, last of the day i promise
Was just thinking a bit about rapport...and realized today I think I hit a gem with the relating childhood experiences. But other than that, I'm kind of thinking about how to make people laugh to the point where they're hurting. Like when you're with your best friend or friends and one of you does something absolutely ridiculous and you laugh for so long it hurts. The kind of laughing that creates best friends...i'm trying to figure out how to do it. little jokes like commenting things and making fun of people can get small laughs, but i don't wanna be the guy who's just "entertaining" alone...I wanna be the guy a girl can remember how they laugh their ASS off with me and just have a great time

 

[BongDuy]

Double post

 

[BongDuy]

I just felt like it wasn't terrible because:
-I didn't feel bad for not kissing her, just kind of like "oh well"
-it was the first time i had even met her in person (in high school it's usually seen as kind of "weird" if you meet up alone with someone you havent ever met in person)
-she's shy

I think this is perfectly understandable. Especially Since this really was the FIRST time you two met up in person, so its not bad to stay reserved. Next time you guys hang out, just try and push the boundaries a bit more, as in try and hold her hand when you two walk together. If you can pull this off, that's a big Green light.

I need to get some ****ing cologne for myself ASAP.

Yes get this. haha I don't mean to sound like a salesmen, but this really does make a huge difference. You could get Curve
( http://www.buy.com/retail/product.asp?sku=210737369&listingid=46646941 ) which is what I used to use. It's a very good smell, and if you are someone who went from no cologne to this, you WILL get compliments. The only problem is there are probably a few other guys in your area/ School that have this cologne on as well. It's a medium strength cologne, and it seems to mix well with my body chemistry, so maybe you're good to go as well.

I'm going to give you a little hint at what im using right now. ( http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P9866&categoryId=C12700 ) I'm using an Angel men sample right now, because I spilt my last cologne bottle I asked for this on Christmas, and to describe this to you it smells like a sexy baking factory. Most other guys won't dig the smell too much, but who cares what they think? Girls with a sweet tooth will eat you up if you wear this lol, but this is a very strong smell so you could spray too much.

The main thing is you want to apply it in the right spots. You have certain spots on your body where Cologne will last longer and they're basically Strategic spots where to place them. Your wrists are both a must spray spot. One spray on each wrist for weak- Medium strength cologne is enough, and There are two spots under your neck/ Ear, which is also good. If you're using a strong scent, just one spray on the left wrist ( Then touch with the other wrist) and spray once on your chest ( maybe even under your shirt, if it projects that much) Search "Pulse points" on google or look up how to apple cologne on youtube

 

[sageproduct]

Hahaha ya hopefully the same colognes work for the asians...but anyway ya I COMPLETELY forgot about the hand-holding thing, that would DEFINITELY be a great use of kino and IL test. And believe it or not, I'm actually going in a couple hours to buy some cologne both for myself and for my best friend as a christmas gift haha. Thanks for the info on it too, I'll definitely check out Curve today and read about "pulse points". And for some reason I just have a hunch that no guys at my school wear cologne due to general AFC-ness or belief that cologne is "gay" or something.

Also btw Bong I remember reading that you said you wanted to go to Florida State, I think I'm gonna apply there too even tho it's a long ways away for me, so let me know how that turns out!

Few Updates December 23, 2009
Mel K
She was on my mind all morning...and damn the main thing I couldn't get out of my head was that smell.

I was feeling super confident all morning. Last night her laughing at everything I said was just a huge ego-boost for me...

Sherman C (athletic girl)
One-itis...not so much in danger anymore. In fact, probably gotta think about Sherman C now to avoid one-itis with Mel K...but anyway two hours ago I texted her "[my nickname for her] come bowling with me" and she never responded.

Petunia S (hot past one-itis and LJBF current project for LJBF->F. prude (probably) attention ***** who orders 'nice guys' around)
So for the last month or so I've been giving her VERY little attention. We sit at the same lunch table and sit next to each other in a class. I think I've initiated a convo with her like two or three times in a MONTH. She's tried to start convos with me but I either ignore her, talk to someone else, or answer her briefly.

Also I've asked her to do a few favors for me, like bring me food, help me with math, borrow a pencil...she's complied with every one of them. I think it's cuz last year I hated her and made it clear to everyone that I did and then I "forgave" her later and she's trying to prove she's nice or whatever. But anyway...

Couple days ago I texted her asking if she could do a favor for me, she asked what it was and I said help me with xmas shopping. She said sure and asked if it was that day but i said "no too busy". Next day, she texted me out of the blue asking when I needed to go shopping and I said I was still busy. So today, I texted her "I'm goin from like 3-6 today. Come with meee" she responded "Ok" (haha yeah just "ok") and then I told her when I was gonna pick her up and she hasn't responded.

Even if I can't get anything from her, it's good practice. I'm kinda turning the LJBF tables back on her by talking about hot girls in front of her (she ALWAYS used to talk about hot guys in front of me). Also, I'm gonna have her help me pick out a cologne and stuff. Gonna practice my C&F n kino n ****. If I end up doing anything with her it's a big plus cuz I'm pretty convinced she's prude as hell. Even though the guys in my gay friends group right now would be pissed at me cuz we're supposed to be "exiling" her or some sh1t cuz she's been a b1tch.

And for anyone outside our sh1tty little group, it'll be great social value because well...she's hot. And most girls like her.

Faith L (different school, met over summer by playing guitar, just broke up with 10 month bf)
Haven't seen her in forever but we promised each other that we would see "Where the Wild Things Are" together...even though now I don't really wanna go to a movie with her haha. So I'm gonna text her to go ice skating after christmas I think. More on this later...

After-Afternoon Update
Didn't go xmas shopping with Petunia S cuz she was gonna have to be like half an hour late and because of logistics I was just not able to wait for her.

Faith L-wrote on her facebook wall about hanging out soon and included a little inside joke in it

Mel K-for some reason I kept expecting her to text me and she's STILL been on my mind...through the afternoon I started having some insecure thoughts about her and the AFC inside kept trying to overanalyze stuff about her. Kept thinking that I shouldn't text her because she was going to text me...then the next couple days are christmas eve and christmas so we probably won't see each other. And that sounds needy from me but now that I'm writing it out it's helping me get over it.

Sherman C-finally texted back around 1 saying she just woke up. I said I was busy til 7 but we could maybe go afterward, she said it'd be hard because she had family coming home and suggested we go after break. I said "how about sunday" and she replied one word "alright"

 

[eaglez1177]

K lets see...

Psuedo-Date with Mel K (girl who randomly fb chatted me one day, this was the first time i had ever met her in person)

Before
About an hour before, I started getting the butterflies and jelly arms and legs just a bit. It wasn't that I liked this girl that much already, it was more kind of that "anxious" feeling of how I was going to "perform" on this "date" after believing myself to be much improved with females.gotta try to avoid this...be comfortable and dont over think yourself

Eating the Ice Cream

Did less C&F than I did with Binny K (lol i took her to this very same oberweis...) but I think that was a good thing because my C&F before seemed a little unnatural.if you really over use the c&f, its gonna come off as you trying too hard, which is not a good thing. Dont remove it from your game completely, but use it occaisionally I ended up telling her a lot more stories and talking a lot more than I usually do with girls. Maybe it's cuz she was actually pretty quiet, ESPECIALLY for the kind of attitude (not bad, like a C&F attitude) she was giving me over text.make sure your not the only one talkin

A Twist

She hesitated for a sec i think and said "Um, sure!" and I was actually kind of amazed at how easily I pulled it off. I told her I had to drive home first and switch cars, so we did that.damn i would be soooo pissed at my dad...you handled it pretty well but next time dont ASK if she wants to go bowling, say somethin like "hey lets go bowling after this"

Bowling
By now in the car I kinoed her much more, a couple times. I even started singing along a little bit with the radio which I usually only do when I'm driving alone or with a good friend...again amazed at how comfortable I was.this is the comfort you need around ALL girls

Side Note
Lately a lot of wisdom about confidence has been going through my head...how part of true and total confidence is accepting one's own shortcomings. Well because of this, lately whenever someone says something bad about me, I make absolutely no effort to defend myself. If it's a joke, I go along with it, or if it's true criticism I take it constructively.good

-Continue Bowling-
When we got there the guy told us it cost $15 for the both of us. On the inside I was like "Fuc|<!!!" but I didn't say a word and paid it all...AFC or classy? I'm not sure, but I think I would have felt really awkward telling her to pay. I guess it's a good thing cuz then she considers it a real date?i think its okay...if you two start goin on more dates and you ALWAYS pay, then its a problem

The Actual Bowling

At first I was doing okay and she was doing terrible so I encouraged her. She got a strike or something, I got some good kino doing one of those face-to-face double high fives and stuff. One time when I gave her a high five she held on to my hand. bigtime IOII stood with my hands on my hips and leaning back with my pelivs forward slightly when it was her turn to go.

Car Ride to her house

I'd say my mind was reeeal smooth and put together right now. I started talking a little softer and talking a bit more about eh...arousing (?! don't think it's the right word) stuff. Talked a little about disney world, christmas lights and how beautiful they looked...but I didn't actually use the word beautiul. Also talked about how I LOVE driving with the windows open at night and tried to talk about the sensations a bit...hahahahaha dude thats not like "arousing" stuff unless you really try to take it in the sexual way. I see what your trying to accomplish though; your trying to get the conversation to be a little more sexual. This can be kinda tough when your dealing with a shy girl, but try to get the convos to have a LOT of kino involved with them. ex: you could tell her how you were soo tired from lifting weights, and tell her to feel your chest for "soreness". Let her do that (it will turn her on), then, you test her back and see if shes got a six pack by slowly rubbing her lower stomach. That'll turn her on too.

By now, I was really confident. I was thinking hell yeah for going for the kiss while before the 'date' i was really confused on whether or not it'd be weird if I went for it.

The Important Part

Well my memory's always a bit skewed of these kinds of things...but what I think happened was I was kind of looking into her eyes, trying to hold her there but she seemed nervous and started pulling away.you cant just hold her there, look into her eyes, and do nothing. You have to just move your head right into hers while puttin your hand on her face or hugging her into you, and then kiss her. What happened to you was that you got really nervous, over thinked the entire situaton, and convinced yourself that she was nervous and pulling away so that you could have an excuse to not kiss her. Since you hesistated, she probably did look nervous or confused because she saw you hesitate and didnt think you wanted to kiss her (something she really wanted) I felt like it'd beawkward to force her by pulling her back in,no way man, it wouldnt be awkward. This chick wanted to kiss you so why would it be awkwad? All you had to do was just move up closer to her and go right in. so I let her go without kissing her.nooooooooooo

I feel like she looked at me long enough so that if I gave her a quick peck after the hug, I could, but it wasn't enough time for me to just kind of look at her and go in slowly. I have this really bad mental image stuck in my head...it was some tv show where a guy was dropping a girl off from a date (he thought it was but she didnt), he leaned over and quickly gave her a peck on the lips and she was like wtf and got out. Couldn't get that out of my head. But anyway, I think it was fine because you should make it so that the girl wants a kiss and kind of anticipates one before you give it to them right?idk where you heard that from, but just for the record, not all kisses have to be anticipated by the girl. girls LOVE surprises. If you wanna kiss the girl, kiss her, dont try to make sure that she "anticipates" the kiss. You dont need anticipation because if you had the right mindset, you would know that this chick definitely wanted to kiss you, rather than second guessin urself.

-i'm pretty sure she was nervous
-also pretty sure she's just as inexperienced as i amYou cant use nervousness and inexperience as an excuse. Sure maybe she does feel that way, but you know what that means for you? Its your job to "break her in", and get rid of her nervousness and inexperience.

Well, that was the "date".Just one extra note:

You dont HAVE to kiss her right at the end of the date; instead kiss her BEFORE the end of the date. That way you dont feel as much pressure building up. If you kiss her midway through the date, it relieves alot of pressure and makes things much more comfortable, contrary to letting that pressure build up for the only kiss of the night at the end of the date.

-the thing that sticks out in my mind the most physically is actually the smell....whatever perfume she was using really got me going, i really wanna smell more of it haha...well what does that say, I need to get some ****ing cologne for myself ASAP.you'll notice that once you're around a girl you like, you will ALWAYS be able to remember and recognize her smell. Anything you smell that smells kind of like her will immediately bring the image of her into your mind. Idk i just find this interesting cuz a humans sense of smell can remind them about many things.
-pretty sure the whole night did kind of have the "vibe" of a date. haha I could tell when we got to the bowling alley people were looking at me like "whoa, an asian dude taking a girl out alone? no fwckin way"so what dude; who cares about what others think
-at one point i was a little concerned about how she was going along with everything i said and laughing too...seems like it should be an IOI but for a sec i was concerned she was just laughing because she thought i was weird and was just along for the ice cream.lol dude she wouldnt just for the ice cream and free bowling. she went cuz she wanted to be with YOU (and free bowling i guess...)
-friendly or bf/gf? well i was pretty playful with her and kept everything light. Kinoed a fair amount. This alone isn't guarantee though, cuz i've noticed girls do tease each other and kino each other. Not a single time the whole night was there a sexual moment or any mention of sexualityoohh thats not good at all...you dont wanna get friendzoned. On top of that, im worried that the hug at the end of the date will put you closer into the friend zone. If you kino her, try to kino her more sexually too. Ex: kino on the lower back, kino on lower stomach, kino on thighs, kino on face, massages, all that is sexual kino. Could have thrown in a hint maybe i guess to see her reaction or just kind of find an innuendo in whatever she said but i didnt'...o well.
-i like to think that she was nervous at first but opened up later...hopefully she was nervous hehe

 

[sageproduct]

K thanks eaglez, I know I tend to type long ass posts here so much appreciation again. And yeah looks like my fear of failure got the best of me when I should have kissed her. I think my mentality's always been "better friendzoned than rejected", but that's gotta change NOW. I need to realize that girls WANT to be kissed, etc.

Also, about too much C&F, I think that was probably one of the things leading to Binny K's lost of interest in me. That, not getting a good makeout with her, and my sh1tty ass party (to a much lesser degree) were probably the main reasons I can think of right now.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Mel K-still haven't gotten any texts from her, maybe she's waiting for one from me? I did text her goodnight after our "date". But I'm probably worrying too much; this is mainly on my mind at all cuz Binny K used to text me a SH1TLOAD. Maybe it's just a good thing showing that she's not needy.

Xmas Shopping
So yesterday I ended up not going because I didn't feel like it after I got home and Petunia S couldn't, and I actually really wanted a girl to help me pick out a cologne.

So Petunia S ended up not being able to go today but suggested her sister who's a soph instead come. I get along real well with her but we don't see each other much. She's just about as cute as her sister but VERY different with guys. I seriously cannot remember how many bf's she's had in the two years I've known her.

Well another good chance to practice I guess (she has a bf and is a soph). I acted a little differently than I do around most girls. I swore a little more and did a few more weird voices like high-pitched ones. Still kinoed and everything tho.

Cologne
So I found out...it's fwcking expensive!!! I ended up paying $85 for 2 (one for me, one for my best friend) polo double black ralph lauren or whatever i'm still confused on what the different kinds are. I don't love the smell but I guess it's appealing to girls.

 

[saturos]

If you ever decide to invest in cologne again shoot me a PM. Cologne is something that i'm into and i've got a lot of experience with colognes (lol weird typing that out -.-) and stuffs and i could give you some help.

The Polo you purchased you paid about $25 too much for and also its a bit generic. If you can still return it i would try to. A basic rule for cologne is that it should a) fit you, (like if a friend smelled it on you i wouldn't be like what the fvk is he wearing?) and b) you have to like it. You just said that you "don't love the smell." Well don't use it than. There are colognes that girls will like and you will like as well.

A lot of people buy generic crap cologne like Aqua di Gio and stuff because everyone and their mom knows about it and think it smells good. But cologne should be part of you that is unique so just consder that. Like, a girl should smell the scent and think about you.


Also, two sprays max please. One to the chest and one to the neck, hold bottle like a foot and a half away. Trust me. You might not smell it after a while but everyone else still can. TWO SPRAYS MAX. OF ANY COLOGNE.

Edit: Oh yea and you can always take a girl to help you buy cologne. Its an excuse to hang out cause you're going to the mall
If you're looking to get a good cologne and not get the fvk ripped off though, you're better off buying off the internet. Hell, i could sell you some

 

[sageproduct]

Awwww fwck I already opened mine and tore the tag off the one for my friend...goddamn. More money than needed to be spent ahhhh oh well. Thanks for letting me know, and yeah I did take Petunia S's little sister (soph) with me to get that cologne. After the first couple tests I seriously couldn't smell the differences much anymore so I just chose one and she said it smelled good.

Random Thoughts, Inspirations, and Plans

Last night I went movie hopping with my best friend and we saw like 4 movies. I found myself critiquing every male character's behavior from a DJ standpoint. The first movie was Did You Hear About the Morgans? The guy was a huge puss. Standard AFC stuff with begging his wife to give him a second chance, blah blah blah. Movie was sh1tty too so we left pretty quickly.

I did get to see two big-time DJs though and picked out some qualities to remember:

George Clooney in Up In The Air
*spoiler alert if you actually give a sh1t about the movie*
So he's a stud. His job involves him traveling constantly. He gives motivational talks encouraging people to kind of cut all their things and relationships from their lives, in other words just going solo as a lone warrior. He never wants to marry or settle down. This uncontrollability, unpredictability, of course, makes him attractive to women. He doesn't keep close friends, nor is he a hermit. He is constantly surrounded by people, but he is completely unburdened with any relationships. Sure, he's a lonely guy but it doesn't bother him. Or so it seems...

Pretty early in the movie he does a GREAT pickup. From what I could tell it was a cold approach where the woman was actually a bit cold at first but he made keen observations and gamed her with his smooth confidence. F closed her that very night.

Blah blah blah sh1t happens and for some reason all the good things about marriage are rushing through his head. Raising children, actually having a life companion, etc. By now he's fwcked that lady he picked up many times and they've done a lot of sh1t together. He tells her he "really likes" her. One day he's giving a speech to encourage people to not commit themselves to relationships when he suddenly stops, leaves, and rushes to a flight to go to that lady's hometown to see her (he'd never seen her home, she traveled as much as him so they'd always meet in random places).

BIG SPOILER

Turns out she's married with kids. Needless to say, he's in shock and leaves. Next day, she calls him and is like wtf for almost ruining her marriage. She says the whole time she thought the whole thing was just a fling, while he actually started getting serious. She thought this because of who HE was--the solo, suave, bad sexy free rider you can't control. She asked him what he wanted, and he didn't even know. She called this immaturity.

*END SPOILERS*

Pretty adult stuff. Kind of gave me a taste of what dating means when you're out in the real world and put into perspective how insignificant any of my pursuits with girls now are. So pretty good movie, not that entertaining but it really got me thinking. Also, there was a girl in the movie who was a recent college grad who mentioned "being married to her career" and I put some thought into the concept of pursuing your dreams...I used to always think that getting women and pursuing one's career would never conflict, that one would always have time for both. Well...no.

Sherlock Holmes
*no spoilers really*
Besides his confidence of course, three aspects really stuck out to me as part of what it means to be a real man. Passion. He'd neglect physical needs to an extremity to figure out his work. Quick wit. Man, I could definitely use work on this. Without giving anything away, there was one point in the movie that made me realize that a man with not just a great SENSE of humor but also a really SHARP, QUICK one, he can literally get anyone on his side. Laughter is powerful. it unites. Even though I think I've got some good confidence now and can keep up with and deflect any verbal shots by showing I'm unaffected and going along, I'm really not good at all with very quick zingers. I usually kind of go with the "yeah whatever" or some other careless thing but it would definitely be a huge plus if I could stay quick and win over any crowd of people by showing I'm always in social control. Gotta find some books or exercises and stuff to work on that...The third main thing about Sherlock Holmes was the "Masculine Power" or "Masculine Attention" or something that I read about a few weeks ago here. It talked about how a man always gives his full, undivided attention to whatever is most interesting at the moment, and that attention never turns inward. Well of course, Holmes was the keenest observer you could find and not just by what he inferred. You could tell by his facial features how focused his attention was at any given point, and I'm sure to a woman that attention would be sexy.

 

[sageproduct]

Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Human Mind is Irrational.

Why do I say this? Well, basically I've got stuff to whine about here, stuff that's making me feel insecure. But I know the instant I write it down, I'll be able to look at it from a 3rd person perspective and tell myself what the rational thing is...something I seem unable to do when I'm in 1st person. So here goes.

Mel K (went on ice cream and bowling date)
My IL is soaring, almost completely knocking Sherman C (athletic girl) out of the picture. Feeling insecure with her because she hasn't initiated a texting convo since our "date". Texted her last night kind of asking about her christmas and teasing her a bit then told her I was going to sleep cuz I had to be up early and told her to go ice skating with me tomorrow (today). She said "Ahh I'm busy tomorrow...Another day." I didn't respond and my paranoia started kicking in, reminding me of terribly brutish AFC days where I would start freaking out if a girl didn't text me back in 5 min. Horrible.

Self-Analysis: Basically, stop fwcking worrying. Game her and don't worry too much about what she does.

Erin S (HOT, popular girl who asked for my number)
So I haven't talked to her since we volunteered together at that thing and she asked for my number. We said hi a few times in the hall. Last week I added her on fb. I stayed in tonight and it was around 9 when I noticed she was online on fb. I chatted her "Erin S...what are you doing home at this time of day" and she never responded.

Sherman C (athletic girl)
Well, I think I can say her IL is pretty low. That, and the fact that she doesn't seem very sexual pretty much means I should next her. On wednesday I kinda-sorted made plans with her for bowling on Sunday. Today I fb chatted her a bit, we talked for a little while. Pretty sure she forgot about bowling tomorrow, and she said she was gonna be busy. I told her I'd be busy the rest of the week (even though I wasn't really). Well this would be about either the second or third time she's kind of flaked (not really flaked, but just unavailable without counter-offering) soooo it's about time I move on. Even though I don't mind just being friends with this gal.

Overview
Well, my IL in Mel K is skyrocketing and I'm thinking about her way too much now. I'm not really sure if it's really her I'm obsessed with or just how she made me feel about myself...pretty fwcking pathetic. Gotta get over that and be my own man. But I do like her so, well...I should go and get her.

 

[sageproduct]

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Nothing except Plan updates.

So I was hangin out with my really good friends from a different school tonight. At around 10 I decided I would text two girls, Faith L (different school, met over summer, just got out of 10 month R) and Mel K (ice cream and bowling date). I managed to come up with clever openers for each that had to do with inside jokes. Fluff talked both, Mel K seemed more receptive and was giving me longer texts. Faith L was watching a movie so I didn't really wanna bother her with questions so just threw a bunch of discussion-provoking open-ended statements.

Convo with Faith L died down and she stopped responding. I was kind of having a 'bring-it-on' type convo with Mel K and it kinda came to a moot point so when it did I completely ignored what she said and just said "Hang out with me." She replied "Mkay. When?" I said "Tuesday night" (pretty sure i have plans with some buddies for monday night football). She said she might have a "thing" but probably could and would let me know tomorrow. Not wanting to be the readily available one, I told her that I too had to make sure when I would get home from something. Feelin' good cuz so far she's been very, very dependable and punctual (as in opposite of flaky). If she's busy, she says so, and if she makes plans in advance, she's kept them. So far.

 

[sageproduct]

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Always. Fwcking. Be. On. Top. Of. Your. Game.

New Girl

Berry C
Year older than me, goes to school somewhere far now. Went to my high school but I'd known her since like 6th grade because she played tennis. Never really talked much or anything but we knew each other.

Well I was just chillin on a chair in the lobby of this health club I play tennis at when she walked up and said hey and everything and sat on the arm of a chair next to me and started talking. We were really far away from each other at first (as in physical distance) but I stood up to make fun of something then sat on an arm of a different chair so that we were kind of angled sideways while talking.

What I noticed about her
She's much more socially mature than most of the girls I talk to. We ended up talking for about 45 min total. I was a bit nervous at first and actually uninterested because she used to be ugly and a lot of guys hated her so I had that in my mind. Then when I sat closer to her about 10 min in I realized, "sh1t, I haven't done any kino." So I kinoed her a few times on the shoulder.

A few times she kinoed me back by playfully hitting me when I made some chauvinistic remark about girls like looking forward to halloween , skimpy dance dresses, sorority girls basically jumping on the d1cks of frat guys in college. Could have kinoed her more but at least I got her leg once.

What we talked about
First 10 min or so was really lame ass "how've you been" "how's your family" sh1t and I was seriously bored from it. We moved on tho and she did most of the talking. She talked about how I was so incredibly shy freshman year and how I've changed and also asked me if I've dated anyone (which i took as a plus cuz pathetically, most girls at my school know i've never had a gf). She had like a year and a half relationship with this guy who was pretty cool a few years ago.

Told me a TON about drinking n sh1t in college and how great college life is and blah blah blah. Said this guy who asked her to hc one year was "bad. like really bad." so I joked and said "that's what girls like tho" with a devilish grin. And she goes "but he was totally an azzhole. Like he stopped talking to me two days later because I wouldn't sleep with him." lol.

Talked about a few memories about this class we had together freshman year. I didn't talk to her at ALL in that class being the shy b1tch I was. I reenacted a scene of her breaking her wrist in 7th grade in a funny but mature way.

Early on she offered to help me with college sh1t. For some reason I kept thinking "eject, eject, eject" but after like 15 min I stopped thinking about it and just kept talking.

She brought up her ex bf once, and my mind was like "don't let her go on about it..." so when she was done i changed the topic.

The Close
Dammit, I ended up letting HER eject after like 45 min when she got up but I said I had to go workout too. Got her number but it should have been better. I pussed out and asked if she could help me with college sh1t and told her to put her number in my phone. Should have said "let's hang out" or something. Fwck. I'm still too nervous in showing interest right now.

Other Things
I was wearing faggish tennis clothes so I didn't feel great about that. And after like 20 min I felt my lips getting REALLY dry and I started licking them a bit. I tried to stop. Afterward, I looked in the mirror and my lips looked like dried sh1t. Fwck.

Faith L (different school)
I was in a hurry on my way to the healthclub today, she goes there too so I really rushedly shot off a text to her saying she should come in an hour. Two hours later she said she just woke up and apologized.

I think I wanna take her to a new year's party that my really good friends from anotehr school are having and do the "kiss at midnight" thing. Kinda sucks that I'm driving to another area but any party I could go to with kids from my school would be dryyyyy.

Mel K (ice cream-bowling date last week)
Yesterday I didn't text her to confirm today cuz I had already initiated the last 2.5 text convos and I really wanted her to text me first. She didn't. But just now she texted me saying I never confirmed with her yesterday so now she made other plans. Boy, she is definitely playing the game out of some magazine or something cuz she's really, REALLY making me chase after her and making herself unavailable. For someone as shy and inexperienced as her.

 

[sageproduct]

NYE

Went to a party that was all kids from a school like half an hour from where I live but where I have some really good friends. I went there because the party I was supposed to go to at my school was completely dryyyy.

Beginning
As soon as my friends and I walked in, we were all greeted enthusiastically and I was a bit surprised to hear lots of voices, girls' voices, yelling out my name. Hugged every girl I said hi to. This really got me jumpstarted at a high energy and social level for the night, I was talking to people and just having a good time. Met a couple dudes, joked around with some chicks. Pretty much every girl that I knew there was taken, and only like 3 in the whole place weren't.

Stuff
The people here were WAY different from the fags I usually hang out with back at home. Every single guy had some pretty good game, and the girls were having fun yet still being classy. Even the kid who seemed nerdiest to me knew to tease girls and kino them.

A lot of hookups happened. The party went down in the basement while adults were upstairs, so there were two closets people went to to hookup. It was pretty obvious whenever people did, and I found that it wasn't a big deal at all. Yeah I fwcking should have made a move on someone but I was too self-conscious to approach someone new. Still gotta get that bad stigma of "running game" out of my head.

A Natural DJ Master
One of my top 2 closest friends, and this guy's seriously amazing. Last night I witnessed first-hand what he did. Got this girl to sleepover at our friend's house afterward and probably fwcked her. Many times. It's the third girl he's layed, but the amazing thing is he's by far the nicest guy I know too. Seeing how he acted and talked with girls was really enlightening in defeating that "to get girls you gotta be a jerk" thing. I saw the situations where he would stand his ground and refuse to take BS and the parts where he would jump on an IOI and make a sexual advance. I saw him do a hand kiss in the corner but it was so smooth that it was classy and passionate instead of chumpy and cheesey.

Could talk more in detail about my interactions but there's really no point. I had a good time but should have made more of an effort with girls. Always gotta be running my game.

Mel K (ice cream-bowling date)
Took eaglez advice and nexted her so I was feeling good and she was off my mind. Until...she texted me out of nowhere today. I knew this by itself means little to nothing but my mind started playing tricks on me. Don't worry though, she stays nexted unless this keeps happening.

 

[sageproduct]

January 5, 2010

Wow, it's been a few days since I've updated...not much good has been going on. Got to school waaay late in the afternoon yesterday.

Great Beginning
Today I was in one of the best moods ever, and I think I know why. I decided to watch an inspirational video when I woke up and then a few stand-up comedy clips. It was AWESOME. The motivational video was Al Pacino's speech from Any Given Sunday, and it pumped me up like crazy and got me ready to live a day of my life. Then I found this other website called Rooftop Comedy that has new clips of various stand-up comedians every single day and watched some to get my sense of humor going. I would recommend this to everyone, it really kicked my day off great.

The Day
Basically just talked to everyone, made conversation, joked around, practiced kinoing. Felt really confident today and had some laughs with the guys who get the hottest girls. Kind of met a hot, popular girl through them today, and immediately I thought, "I need to find some way to get into these groups to game the girls."

Eileen S (girl who sits next to me in math)
Should have opened conversation with her right away when I walked in but didn't. Only until the end of the period did I ask her some question about what we were doing and laughed a bit. I NEED to get on this and make something happen because there's only about a week left before we switch classes.

Talked to some other random girls, ones that I know. My social skills just seemed really on top today. I definitely feel like I'm getting a much better feel for the true important aspects of C&F and not making it fake when I do it. I feel like I'm projecting confidence with my body language and tonality.

Approach Anxiety
Despite all that confidence, I still felt weirded out by approaching random girls I didn't know at school. I keep thinking that it's gonna turn out really weird, the girl's gonna tell all their friends about this guy just "randomly talking to her" and everyone's gonna think of me as this random guy who goes around trying to pick up chicks. Gotta get over this. I don't seem to have a problem if there is a really good opener waiting for me, but I can't seem to just go up to a girl I don't know and say "hi".

Mel K (ice cream-bowling date, nexted...or is she?)
So last Wednesday after she told me she was too busy to hang out for the second and a half time I decided to next her. Since then, she's texted me out of nowhere twice, once on Friday and once yesterday. Yesterday we texted back and forth for about an hour. I thought some of my texts were really clever and flirty. A few times I teased her real good and used a few smilies. Little excerpt:

(not one of the really flirty parts but)

Her: (responding to something ****y from me) Ahhh. Do you know how much I hate you? blah blah blah (complaining about low sleep)
Me: Actually you love me. Why are you sleeping so little
Her: Oh do i? I mustve forgot. Because my life sucks. blah blah
Me: What do you have to do
Her: I dont think you care enough for me to take the twenty minutes to name it all
blah blah blah, i said something, she listed off her sh1t and I stopped responding.

Wellllll can't say for sure she's not interested...but I'm kinda playing a no contact game, except it's more no initiation instead of no contact. and I'm gonna be out of town this weekend so i do't have to worry about trying to hang out with her.

 

[Igetit!]

Mel K (ice cream-bowling date, nexted...or is she?)
So last Wednesday after she told me she was too busy to hang out for the second and a half time I decided to next her. Since then, she's texted me out of nowhere twice, once on Friday and once yesterday. Yesterday we texted back and forth for about an hour. I thought some of my texts were really clever and flirty. A few times I teased her real good and used a few smilies.

This "Mel k"...this is the same girl from your other thread,right?


I noticed something a little disturbing in this text message conversation of yours from her.


I'll enbolden the part I'm talking about.

Little excerpt:

(not one of the really flirty parts but)

Her: (responding to something ****y from me) Ahhh. Do you know how much I hate you? blah blah blah (complaining about low sleep)
Me: Actually you love me. Why are you sleeping so little
Her: Oh do i? I mustve forgot. Because my life sucks. blah blah
Me: What do you have to do
Her: I dont think you care enough for me to take the twenty minutes to name it all
blah blah blah, i said something, she listed off her sh1t and I stopped responding.

You see the part I put in bold,the part where she said her life "sucks"?



That's the same thing you said she said when you two were out on the ice cream date.



That's NOT GOOD.

If you still like her and want to date her,you're going to have to generate some chemistry in her and shake up her emotions.



She's trying to use you as an emotional tampon/therapist. She keeps trying to tell you about her problems in her life.




If she's doing that,that means her attraction for you is low. Otherwise,she be trying to spend time with you in order to ESCAPE HER PROBLEMS.



She'd be so wrapped up in the feelings you create,the problems in her life would never cross her mind when she's with you,she'd be too busy enjoying your presense.




You're not being sexual enough. The next time she tries to throw that "my life sucks" line at you,TELL HER the next time you take her out you want her to wear a low cut shirt.



If she asks why,be like,"What do you mean why? So I can look down it,what do you think? I couldn't see anything with that shirt you had on the last time we went out".



I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THAT,Sage. Say that to her.



You think that'll get her mind away from all that "my life sucks" crap she keeps trying to give you?




She went out on a date with you,so she must have felt some attraction towards you,but it's getting low.



Saying something like that comment I suggested will give it a charge.


You need to say this to her,either in person or by phone. DON'T TEXT IT.



It's not too much to where it's vulgar,and it's not too weak to where she won't be able to "feel" anything.




Then the next time you two speak,sexuality/chemistry will be in her mind instead of her trying to tell the latest reason why her life "sucks".

 

[sageproduct]

Hey thanks, your post seriously got me thinking for about 10 minutes straight...I definitely need to get more sexual/flirty/horny with girls. From my point of view, I can easily think of a few girls who seem so much hotter than they are simply because I know how horny/flirty they are. Now...I need to apply the same thing to myself.

The girl that we're talking about here is a really shy, so at first I was kind of denying your advice because I was scared to act on it. The more I thought about it though, the more it made sense. I'm really not that comfortable to say something outright sexual like that to a girl so......................
practice time! I'm gonna go to school tomorrow and make EVERY conversation with a girl as sexual as I can. After that, I'll surely have a better feel for it with Mel K.

 

[Igetit!]

The girl that we're talking about here is a really shy,

Her being shy means nothing.

All people,both men and women have sexual desire.

We ALL have within us a desire to mate,period. Being shy or outgoing doesn't change that.



More than likely,her being shy DOESN'T MEAN she doesn't want to be sexual with a guy,it means she's AFRAID to be sexual.


You're the MAN here. It's YOUR JOB to make her feel comfortable enough to open up to express her sexual side...with YOU.




It's like when a shy person goes out in public. You think they enjoy being shy and closed off while seeing everyone else laughing,talking,and being open with other people?



Of course not. It's not that they want to be closed to people,they just doesn't feel comfortable enough to be open yet.



This girl may be shy,but I bet you on the inside she yearns to be free. She wants to be open. She just needs someone to make her feel comfortable enough to open up.




You say she's shy,but she seems to be pretty eager to tell you about emotional problems and issues. There's no shyness with that.




YOU have to make her feel comfortable enough to be romantic/sexual with you. And you CAN'T DO THAT if you're not comfortable being romantic and sexual YOURSELF.




When she sees how comfortable you are with it,then she'll start to loosen up and be move flirty/sexual with you,WHILE STILL BEING "SHY" to other guys.




But YOU HAVE TO start it off,because she's not going to.

so at first I was kind of denying your advice because I was scared to act on it.

You denied it,and look what happened. She continued dragging up the "my life sucks" discussion WITH YOU. This is the SECOND TIME she did it,and unless YOU DO SOMETHING,I GUARANTEE,she WILL bring it up again.



This will continue until EMOTIONALLY,she'll link YOU to the way she feels when she thinks about her life "sucking".


Then it'll be over with.



You don't want to be linked to her life sucking,so you need to stop talking about that.




You want her to link you to sexual attraction,so you need to talk sexual with her.


It's really simple man.

The more I thought about it though, the more it made sense. I'm really not that comfortable to say something outright sexual like that to a girl so......................
practice time! I'm gonna go to school tomorrow and make EVERY conversation with a girl as sexual as I can. After that, I'll surely have a better feel for it with Mel K.

This is good news and bad news.

It's good you want to practice,but please be careful having "sexual" conversations at school. You don't want to say anything innapropiate at school man,you could be yourself into a lot of trouble.



Now the bad new: I've said this before,so I'll say it again...


There's no "pause button" on attraction.


This girl "Mel K",you can't put her on hold while you run off to practice having sexual conversations.



If you continue being around her,her emotions WILL CONTINUE FORMING around what you say and do.



If you continue NOT BEING SEXAUL with her,her feelings will continue NOT BEING SEXUAL towards you until it's too late.




I understand you want to get some practice in,but you can't set Mel K off to the side somewhere until you're ready. It doesn't work that way.




You need to either go all out,just jump off the cliff and say something romantic/sexual to this "Mel" girl,or completely stay away from her,and when I say stay away,I mean ALL FORMS OF COMMUNCATION.


Don't call her,text her,no Facebook or Myspace,no nothing. And don't receive any forms of contact from her.



But since you see her at school,trying to avoid her will be impossible.




You gotta go all out.



You gotta talk sexual with her. NOT VULGAR,NOT OBSCENE. Romantic,flirty,sexual.



Start small. Ask her what she's going to wear FOR YOU the next time you take her out. Start with something like that,then work your way up,but you've GOT TO START man.




It's either that,or go back to listening to her talk about her sucky life.



There's no middleground,no inbetween. You go sexual,or you'll fall into the friendzone.



It's that simple,and it's YOUR CHOICE.


Whatever YOU decide.

 

[eaglez1177]

Once again, great advice Igetit...this will really help you sage, use it to your advantage!

 

[sageproduct]

Yep that was great stuff, I PROMISE you, I will not let your time go to waste.

I actually don't see her at ALL at school though. The next time I'd see her would be most likely next weekend because I'm gonna be out of town this one...

If I do happen to see her, I will of course dive right in and try to be sexual. But since I don't expect to see her, I won't contact through her Facebook or texting or anything.

So after this period of NC, I guess I'm just gonna wait for her to contact me. Then escalate...

 

[sageproduct]

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Another Good Day

Again, not only was I really confident and social today, I was really focused and paying attention in all of my classes. A few things I'm doing that I think helps:
1. Every morning i watch an inspirational video and some clips of stand-up comedy
2. I'm literally always smiling/laughing and talk to anyone.
3. Caring less what other people think
4. I've decided I'm going to stop jacking off. Forever. Tough, I know. it was my new year's resolution, but I caved Sunday night when I reeeeeally wanted a break from doing my hugeass project. But starting anew now, and not only do I few more sexual, I also have tons more energy than before.

Eileen S (girl who sits next to me)
Literally I just have to fwcking talk to her. That's it. I feel like my social IQ has risen tons, and I shouldn't have trouble making conversation with her. At FIRST, I'll just build comfort by talking to her like any guy. I have no trouble initiating convo with random guys, so why should I have trouble with random girls? Then, I'll move into C&F, kinoing, being sexual, making plans, all that good stuff.

Millie M (friend for a while)
So yesterday I resolved that I would practice making conversation sexual with girls. This is da b1tch I practiced on today. As soon as I got a chance to steer the conversation into sexual topics, I jumped on it. She's the kind of girl who dreams about celebrities but thinks every guy around her is not good enough because, well, she's only cool enough to hang with AFC's. Well I set up the joke that she "hates sex" and threw it in every once in a while. It was a really funny class period (we sit next to each other in a class and usually just talk the whole time) due to the conversation and jokes I was making.

I also practiced different kinoing n sh1t on her. Got much more comfortable with touching the leg and stuff and held her hand to look at something. Somehow the conversation ended up getting really deep and we connected well. I'm kind of glad I did this because this girl was mad at me for some gay ass sh1t earlier in the year and I managed to turn it around.

NOTE: i'm not trying for anything from her, just practicing stuff.

She also told me a story about this guy who "tried to kiss" her and who she isn't friends with anymore because he liked her. Naturally, this interested me. Turns out, he didn't even legitimately try to kiss her, and horrifyingly, it sounded exactly like what I did with Mel K on our 'date' weeks ago. Hugged, stared to look for approval, gave up. On the inside I was like "sh1t!!!" Cuz I remember when I dropped her off she got out of my car IMMEDIATELY and I literally got out as fast as I could to walk her. Fwck.

Always Be Into It!!
I tend to space out a ton, and I really need to be more aware of the world, for various reasons, not just to help me be more attractive to girls. Something happened today that I'm kinda pissed I let go:

Got out of the bathroom and was walking down the hall during a passing period. Wasn't walking with anyone and was actually daydreaming just a tiny bit. I was smiling because I think I was thinking about something funny. By now, I try to make eye contact with every girl I see in the hall but am used to no response.

So I was looking at this one girl who was actually pretty cute and she didn't look away, but I wasn't sure she was looking at me. I fwcking broke eye contact when we got close! And then she touched my leg and said, "Hey." I didn't snap out of it and by the time I realized what just happened, it was too late. Fwck!! I was so mad about this and was really kicking myself. Gotta always be on top of everything.

Sherman C (athletic girl)
I've nexted her because she flaked too many times, but that doesn't mean I can't keep interacting with and talking to her. Today she was talking about something to do with doctors and I chimed in. It led to her showing me her hands, which were cold blue. I was like holy sh1t but of course I held them for a bit but she pulled away. Saw her later and told her to show me her hands but she showed me very briefly and covered them up. Maybe I offended her...

Patricia M (really nice girl i'm friends with)
She sat at our lunch table (with my gayass friends) for a bit today. I was glad that i was able to keep conversation going with her the whole time and keep her attention on ME. Even though it was a table full of AFC's and one ****blocking b1tch, getting attention on myself when in a group has usually been a weakness for me.

Also, I was glad cuz that girl in our sh1tty friends group has been a HUGE b1tch to me and is mad at me for no good reason. I could tell she was kind of like "wtf, why is she talking to him". Fwck her.

Improve...
Anyone know what I'm talking about when you're walking in the hall and see someone you know and try to make eye contact before you say hi but they don't see you so you don't say hi? That happened to me like 3 or 4 times today and a few of the times I'm pretty sure the girl HAD to have seen me. I really gotta get over this and not be afraid to say hi without making eye contact first.

Sharon C (HC date monthsssss ago...if anyone remembers)
I've barely seen her and barely talked to her since HC. I think she pretends not to see me in the hall. No more of this BS, I'm gonna start saying hi to her again and talking to her. Don't care if I don't get anything from her because I probably won't, but I just wanna test myself and see if I can ignite any attraction in her or at the very least use my newfound social skills to turn her into my friend and increase my value.