Question for the guys who are married/have been married.

[Warrior74]

My father who has been married nearly 40 years advised me not to get married in this day and age unless I was extremely sure. After living with my ex I'm not sure of anything any more. I'll most likely never get married. And to be honest, i don't believe I'm marriage material. Which is funny, when I was younger I was the guy chics would say, you would make a good husband one day. But I think my ex burned all of that out of me. I know for a fact I'm not husband material. I don't trust anyone and I'm not very empathetic. Really, honestly, all I want is sex right now. Not to mention I'm working pretty much 247, I barely have time to date. And let's face it, I have no idea what love is any more. I love my family and my daughter, I care about my friends. But i really wouldn't know what love was if it came up and bit me.

You have to ask yourself if YOU are marriage material as well and if this is the right time in your life for getting married. Some times both answers are no.

 

[Tazman]

Hell, in my case, I could make an itemized list of at least 40 benefits I'd lose if I weren't married to my wife, and these wouldn't be things the Judge would take from me.

Care to share this list?

Also, to those who say marriage helps with kids.......how exactly? I was born to a married couple and I fail to see how that piece of paper helped anything at all. In fact, I think I might have been better off if they weren't married (not that the marriage lasted that long anyway).

 

[Slickster]

I don't really talk much about my wife or marriage around here because it seems like such a losing battle with this crew.

My wife is fvckin' awesome! She's super intelligent, sexy, and fun to be around. Nothing is perfect but she makes me happy far more than miserable.

If some time in the future we change as people or the marriage fails and we go our separate ways then I see that as a good thing. Why would I want to stay in that situation? If she cheated on me it would be a tough pill to swallow but same thing. Sure I'd be pissed at her but I wouldn't waste my life worrying about it. I'd redouble my efforts and live my life even better. She loses not me.

In regards to divorce and losing money I really don't get it. My wife has a good job, is a hard worker, and we support each other. (If you married a lazy gold digger that is your fault) If we split up, I think she should get half of everything. If she wants something more and can convince me she deserves it then so be it. I can't see battling over stupid sh!t that really doesn't mean much in the big picture. Even if she took absolutely everything and left me with nothing. I'd rather start with zero and be happy moving forward with my life than spending the rest of my days being bitter because my wife got more than she should have. In terms of child support, I'd want to pay that.

I really think a lot of bitter divorced men need to be more honest with themselves. If you picked the wrong woman or allowed your relationship to go bad you have to take some of the responsibility for that. Even if she cheated on you there was probably something lacking that you could've done better. Be honest with yourself about it. Maybe it would've never got to that point if you were a better person. If she truly was evil and did you wrong that is unfortunate but you can't live your life being bitter about life, women, or society. Make the most of the rest of your days otherwise you really are letting her do you wrong. Every man has been hurt or done wrong by a woman. Some worse than others but we are all the same. Stop whining about it.

The miserable married crew who feel like marriage is a prison get no sympathy from me either. If I'm unhappy in marriage then I WANT out. I don't care how much it's going to cost me or what I'm going to lose. It's your life. If you made a mistake you ultimately have the choice to move on and change your situation. Your prison is self imposed.

The people who say marriage is such a great sacrifice I want to ask what exactly are you sacrificing? Sex with random chicks? Is that your definition of fulfilment or a happy life? Is busting a nut all that is important to you? It seems pretty empty to me. I go out with single friends all the time and see the women they chase and fvck around with. Some of them do very well and have a blast doing so. I'm happy for them but there's no way I'd switch places with them. My life is better. (Sex life too I'd wager)

If marriage means you sacrifice your freedom then I'd say once again you chose the wrong woman or shouldn't have entered any relationship in the first place. Who is at fault there? (If it is children interfering with your freedom then that is another issue.)

A couple that my wife and I know were having troubles and the girl was complaining that her guy wasn't letting her be the boss of the relationship. It was pissing her off that he'd just do whatever he wanted despite what she said. My wife told her that she didn't want to be with a guy that would let her lead him around. She told her that she can't tell me what to do ever. That's how it should be! That is normal. A relationship where one person "rules" the other one isn't going to work.

Too many men fail to realize that boundaries need to be set EARLY on in any relationship. If you start off on the wrong foot then you are doomed. You ARE stuck in a prison. Who's fault is that? Who's fault is it for staying? How many relationships wouldn't even get to the marriage phase if the man just stood up for himself in the first place. How many "wrong" women would be avoided if the guy just stopped thinking with his d!ck and stood up for himself.

I heard so many men tell me that as soon as you get married things (or she) will change. Bullsh!t. Usually it is the man that changes. He let's his guard down and lets his wife start taking control of everything. He sets himself up for failure from the get go. Once again he fails to be honest with himself and blames her, marriage, and society for his problems.

I work with a bunch of guys who let their wives rule. They work and their wives stay home and do absolutely nothing. Yet they have to ask if they can spend any of the money they earn. Their wives make all the major decisions for them. One guy gets a bloody allowance every week! They whine and complain all the time and I bite my tongue. They made their beds a long time ago.

Obviously there are countless horror stories that men have regarding their failed marriages. Invariably it was HER fault and it is marriage and society that are wrong. You almost never hear a man own up to anything. Is that realistic or is something fishy going on here?

Even if you are one of the guys who never did ANYTHING wrong but were still burned by a woman, divorce, or bad marriage what does wallowing in your misery do for you? What does preaching about your negative story do for you or the rest of the world? Think about the poor person who is diagnosed with a serious disease. Some people can't deal with their situation and spend the rest of their days experiencing despair, denial, and self pity. Then there are those people who eventually manage to accept their fate and move on with a positive outlook and mind. These people die at peace with the world and themselves. Heroes.

 

[sodbuster]

Well, since I know how to wash and iron and cook,know how to find my socks or shop for new ones..... in other words- I have an adult skill set. I can't begin to come up with anything close to 40 things my ex-wife did[that I'd miss].

You may have actually married one that is as good as they all THINK they are,or she may have you brainwashed into thinking it. I NEVER thought I'd get divorced when I first got married. BUT the organized woman turned into the organized control freak who would rake leaves or mow lawn,get covered in pollen[I'm allergic],then go to bed without a shower when she was mad at me. SO, I wake up at 3 or 4 am coughing out a lung...taking 3 days worth of asthma medicine in 1 day to stay out of the hospital.

JUST because you havent tipped over the kayak yet , doesn't mean youre going to make it across the ocean with it.

 

[Slickster]

JUST because you havent tipped over the kayak yet , doesn't mean youre going to make it across the ocean with it.

Yes very true. However some of those kayaks do make it across the ocean and it is those people who really achieve something great.

I'd rather be the guy on that kayak trying, rather than the guy standing on the shore shouting "Don't do it! Look what happened to me."

One of those guys is going somewhere.

 

[grayclif]

I don't really talk much about my wife or marriage around here because it seems like such a losing battle with this crew.

My wife is fvckin' awesome! She's super intelligent, sexy, and fun to be around. Nothing is perfect but she makes me happy far more than miserable.

If some time in the future we change as people or the marriage fails and we go our separate ways then I see that as a good thing. Why would I want to stay in that situation? If she cheated on me it would be a tough pill to swallow but same thing. Sure I'd be pissed at her but I wouldn't waste my life worrying about it. I'd redouble my efforts and live my life even better. She loses not me.

In regards to divorce and losing money I really don't get it. My wife has a good job, is a hard worker, and we support each other. (If you married a lazy gold digger that is your fault) If we split up, I think she should get half of everything. If she wants something more and can convince me she deserves it then so be it. I can't see battling over stupid sh!t that really doesn't mean much in the big picture. Even if she took absolutely everything and left me with nothing. I'd rather start with zero and be happy moving forward with my life than spending the rest of my days being bitter because my wife got more than she should have. In terms of child support, I'd want to pay that.

I really think a lot of bitter divorced men need to be more honest with themselves. If you picked the wrong woman or allowed your relationship to go bad you have to take some of the responsibility for that. Even if she cheated on you there was probably something lacking that you could've done better. Be honest with yourself about it. Maybe it would've never got to that point if you were a better person. If she truly was evil and did you wrong that is unfortunate but you can't live your life being bitter about life, women, or society. Make the most of the rest of your days otherwise you really are letting her do you wrong. Every man has been hurt or done wrong by a woman. Some worse than others but we are all the same. Stop whining about it.

The miserable married crew who feel like marriage is a prison get no sympathy from me either. If I'm unhappy in marriage then I WANT out. I don't care how much it's going to cost me or what I'm going to lose. It's your life. If you made a mistake you ultimately have the choice to move on and change your situation. Your prison is self imposed.

The people who say marriage is such a great sacrifice I want to ask what exactly are you sacrificing? Sex with random chicks? Is that your definition of fulfilment or a happy life? Is busting a nut all that is important to you? It seems pretty empty to me. I go out with single friends all the time and see the women they chase and fvck around with. Some of them do very well and have a blast doing so. I'm happy for them but there's no way I'd switch places with them. My life is better. (Sex life too I'd wager)

If marriage means you sacrifice your freedom then I'd say once again you chose the wrong woman or shouldn't have entered any relationship in the first place. Who is at fault there? (If it is children interfering with your freedom then that is another issue.)

A couple that my wife and I know were having troubles and the girl was complaining that her guy wasn't letting her be the boss of the relationship. It was pissing her off that he'd just do whatever he wanted despite what she said. My wife told her that she didn't want to be with a guy that would let her lead him around. She told her that she can't tell me what to do ever. That's how it should be! That is normal. A relationship where one person "rules" the other one isn't going to work.

Too many men fail to realize that boundaries need to be set EARLY on in any relationship. If you start off on the wrong foot then you are doomed. You ARE stuck in a prison. Who's fault is that? Who's fault is it for staying? How many relationships wouldn't even get to the marriage phase if the man just stood up for himself in the first place. How many "wrong" women would be avoided if the guy just stopped thinking with his d!ck and stood up for himself.

I heard so many men tell me that as soon as you get married things (or she) will change. Bullsh!t. Usually it is the man that changes. He let's his guard down and lets his wife start taking control of everything. He sets himself up for failure from the get go. Once again he fails to be honest with himself and blames her, marriage, and society for his problems.

I work with a bunch of guys who let their wives rule. They work and their wives stay home and do absolutely nothing. Yet they have to ask if they can spend any of the money they earn. Their wives make all the major decisions for them. One guy gets a bloody allowance every week! They whine and complain all the time and I bite my tongue. They made their beds a long time ago.

Obviously there are countless horror stories that men have regarding their failed marriages. Invariably it was HER fault and it is marriage and society that are wrong. You almost never hear a man own up to anything. Is that realistic or is something fishy going on here?

Even if you are one of the guys who never did ANYTHING wrong but were still burned by a woman, divorce, or bad marriage what does wallowing in your misery do for you? What does preaching about your negative story do for you or the rest of the world? Think about the poor person who is diagnosed with a serious disease. Some people can't deal with their situation and spend the rest of their days experiencing despair, denial, and self pity. Then there are those people who eventually manage to accept their fate and move on with a positive outlook and mind. These people die at peace with the world and themselves. Heroes.

Slick, I dig this post. I'm with you on this.

 

[Tazman]

I heard so many men tell me that as soon as you get married things (or she) will change. Bullsh!t. Usually it is the man that changes. He let's his guard down and lets his wife start taking control of everything.

You do realize this happens all the time regardless of marriage status right?

My wife is fvckin' awesome! She's super intelligent, sexy, and fun to be around. Nothing is perfect but she makes me happy far more than miserable.

Would she not be all of these things if you weren't married to her? Why did you need to marry her? Is it because it's just something that's expected of you by society and/or friends, family?

If it has anything to do with religious beliefs I guess I have my answer.

I hear "stability" come up as a reason sometimes, but I fail to see how getting married provides this. You can make these arrangements completely without signing any piece of paper. An exclusive relationship between two people does not require signatures to prove it's authenticity.

 

[backbreaker]

I don't really talk much about my wife or marriage around here because it seems like such a losing battle with this crew.

My wife is fvckin' awesome! She's super intelligent, sexy, and fun to be around. Nothing is perfect but she makes me happy far more than miserable.
.

This is the best post I have read in years on this forum. Nail on the freaking head my friend.


First of all, if you think you have to sacrifice anything you are marrying the wrong person. I want to marry my fiancee becuase nothing would make me happier now than spending the rest of my life, like I have spent the last 3 years of my life, with her. I never was a anti marriage guy, but I wasn't pro Marianne either, I wasn't expecting to tie the knot.


Other than that, I can't add anything to this wonderful post. Look guys, you guys do very well, very very very very well going into every relationship with your eyes open. That's more than I can give for 99% of the male poutation who are looking at the 5 year plan as being mandatory. But at the same time, there comes a point in a relationship where you need to hold em or fold them. I was the point where I knew realistically, I was in love, and I didn't want to be with anyone else, and she is a woman. I'm not saying... I couldn't live without her, that's not what I am saying at all.. but I would have been hella pissed had I let her walk becuase of pre set belief, when she has done everything possible to show me that would make an excellent wife.

The problem too many men make has to do with the selection of their spouse. But when you DO find that spouse, you know here and you are 100% certain that she will add benefit to your life, there isn't a woman that high in value and knows she is that high in value, that is going to stick around without a ring on her finger. That hit me like a ton of bricks one day, just a random day, the next day I went and bought the ring. I think at the end of the day that's why Rollo got married, although he never came out and said it. She had been hinting at it, and she said she was fine with not being married, I believe she was, but she is crazy about me, she wants to keep me happy but there is a point in time, where I have to do somethings to keep her happy too. Relationships work both ways And ****, we have son and have lived together for 2 and a half years, travel together, have a joint bank account and amex account (although I do keep my own banking private).. we have been married in all but name for at least 2 years.

lol, and this is why I like her, because she thinks just like I do. She knows she is a high quality woman. She knows what she brings to the table, and she knows how I think and operate. I know that, if she left tomorrow, I would have no problem getting my women life back together. I also know on the other hand, as does she, that if I don't put a ring on her finger, and in general, if I don't keep my weight of the relationship, keep being the man that attractec her to me, she can find someone that can and will. To keep that high quality of a woman I have to do some things that make her happy. To keep a high quality man, she does things and puts up with things that make me happy, like my work hours, which she isn't crazy about but it makes me happy. She knew, that I would come to this conclusion eventually if she just kept doing what she was doing. Don't confuse establishing frame, with not wanting to make your girl happy.

When I think about frame I think about my relationship with my dad. My dad i was very afraid of/had alot of respect for. He definably had frame control. But, when I wanted something and had earned it, he would bend over backwards to make sure I got it. The key poin being, when I earned it. WheN I got straight A's a report card I got a 1200 dollar mopad like in the 5th grade. When I got accepted into TAG he went and bought me like 1k worth of new clothes, i was the most laced dude in school. When I was 16 freaking years old I was picking up women on the weekend driving his brand spanking new 4runner. getting all kinds of ass lol. he would drive his GF's car for the weekend., give me keys to his house (That he didn't stay at) and told me to be safe and be careful. car and all. But I had earned that by doing what I was supposed to do. I worked my butt off in school, stayed out of trouble, and was respectful to my parents, and held damn near a full time job while playing sports.


When a woman EARNS something, you should bend over backwards to accommodate her. But the problem is, men hand out accommodations becuase they want *****, nto becuase women have earned ****. my fiancee earned that ring on her finger.


The problem is, guys make the mistake thinking marriage is for THEM. it's not. never was, never will be. Just make sure you hitch up with the right person. And the only way you can do that is


1. spin plates. spin plates, spin plates. make one stand out
2. establish frame early
3. do not rush. don't go in with any goals in a relationship. what happens happens
4. absolute min of 2 years before even considering marrying. dont' even let the thought cross your mind before 2 years.
5. pay attention to warning signs.


I wonder how many guys have actually had any GOOD or healthy relationships, not just here but in general. You can be married and still be in a unhealthy relationship. I am so happy right now you could put 3 butt naked HB9's in a room with me, that sign confidentiality statements to not discuss antyhing that happens within 24 hours. and I would walk out. It's not temptation, I don't WANT to sleep with anyone else. I could very well do so if I chose to, so could she. That's the beauty of this site. This site can be used for good or for bad. Instead of focusing on all the BS women do, instead focus on pre screening, establishing frame, laying the ground work for great relationships.

 

[Tazman]

I want to marry my fiancee becuase nothing would make me happier now than spending the rest of my life, like I have spent the last 3 years of my life, with her.

And it isn't possible to do this unless you're married?

I'm just trying to get to the underlying reason as to why some of the guys here who either are married or plan to, are promoting it.

I see all these descriptions of meaningful, happy times, but no explanation of why you need marriage to enjoy these things.

 

[Slickster]

Would she not be all of these things if you weren't married to her? Why did you need to marry her? Is it because it's just something that's expected of you by society and/or friends, family?

Yes she still would be all of those things. I absolutely did not NEED to marry her. I did so because I wanted to. Our relationship really isn't any different than how it was before we got married. If she starts acting up and things aren't going well I will leave her. She knows it.

If it has anything to do with religious beliefs I guess I have my answer.

No religious beliefs involved. We were married in her parents back yard by a Justice of the Peace.

I hear "stability" come up as a reason sometimes, but I fail to see how getting married provides this. You can make these arrangements completely without signing any piece of paper. An exclusive relationship between two people does not require signatures to prove it's authenticity.

There was no need for stability on either of our parts. Whether we signed papers or not we would still be together. We are happy and committed to each other. I wanted to marry her. I like being married to her. So far it has been great. If that changes we will end it and move on.

 

[countermart]

Sodbuster “JUST because you haven’t tipped over the kayak yet , doesn't mean you’re going to make it across the ocean with it.”

This really sums up the advice from the older married and divorced guys, the guys who have lived it.

There was a time in my life when I would have thoroughly endorsed marriage, we were the couple everyone looked at as the “perfectly matched and happy loving couple”. The last couple who people thought would split and end in the court. If someone had told me this would be the future ten years earlier I would have laughed in their face.

The fact is it aint over till it’s over, and I mean until one of you is dead and only then can you say (if you are the one still alive) that your marriage worked out. Seasons come and go, the ocean is quiet and then wild, your relationship is wonderful and then dreadful. The love you felt will be a direct reflection of the pain you will feel.

Marriage in this day and age, given the risks and legal ramifications is not worth the risk for the man. If we were all still living in the jungle in a tribe and the kids were half brought up by the tribe, playing together in a community etc, then It may have been worth the risk for the man. But today it is not.

The fact is no matter how well you think you know another person they can change, change against the circumstances life throws you, and that simply makes marriage a gamble, nothing more, and when you take a gamble it is beneficial to look at both the upside and the downside.

SS is not a lot of bitter married or divorced guys bagging marriage. It is in fact a lot of experienced guys, telling you like Sodbuster did that, “One day I was happily paddling the kayak across the ocean. I would make it, nothing could stop me. But then from out of nowhere a wild storm blew in, I found myself floundering in the ocean....at this moment I become humble, I knew there were no givens. I tried to tell other people this....but they knew better, they didn’t believe me. I could only tell them, but they didn't believe in storms...not yet anyway.”

Countermart

 

[Slickster]

Marriage in this day and age, given the risks and legal ramifications is not worth the risk for the man.

What are these risks? Losing some money? Losing the house? Losing some other material sh!t thats only real value is a number behind a dollar sign?

If you only find happiness and fulfilment in a pile of money, a fancy house, a car, a boat or some other material crap then that's probably a good reason why your marriage failed in the first place.

If that is the type of person you are then marriage really doesn't make sense. Spend your life acquiring wealth and material sh!t if that somehow makes you happy. Nothing against money or nice things but if that's all there is to life then that is pretty damn depressing.

If I lost everything I owned in a brutal divorce so be it. I could just as easily lose everything in a fire, earthquake, or some other major disaster. The world could end tomorrow or I could drop down dead (which almost happened once). I'm not going to give up or not take a chance on being happy just because I'm afraid of losing some money.

 

[betheman]

Slick, how long have you been married and how many kids do you have if you dont mind me asking?

 

[The Assistant]

guys like Slickster and backbreaker still don't want to answer the OBVIOUS question everyone is asking - why do you need a government contract?

Why not just have the ceremony, and live together happily ever after? Why sign a contract that is guaranteed to screw YOU over in case things don't work out?

Because you've been brainwashed into thinking that that goddamn CONTRACT is GOLD, when really, your LOVE for each other is the GOLD, and some goddamn CONTRACT should not mean A GODDAMN THING

get it?

 

[backbreaker]

guys like Slickster and backbreaker still don't want to answer the OBVIOUS question everyone is asking - why do you need a government contract?

Why not just have the ceremony, and live together happily ever after? Why sign a contract that is guaranteed to screw YOU over in case things don't work out?

Because you've been brainwashed into thinking that that goddamn CONTRACT is GOLD, when really, your LOVE for each other is the GOLD, and some goddamn CONTRACT should not mean A GODDAMN THING

get it?

because it's a stupid question, that i have already answered.

cally, I was in love, and I didn't want to be with anyone else, and she is a woman. I'm not saying... I couldn't live without her, that's not what I am saying at all.. but I would have been hella pissed had I let her walk becuase of pre set belief, when she has done everything possible to show me that would make an excellent wife.

The problem too many men make has to do with the selection of their spouse. But when you DO find that spouse, you know here and you are 100% certain that she will add benefit to your life, there isn't a woman that high in value and knows she is that high in value, that is going to stick around without a ring on her finger. That hit me like a ton of bricks one day, just a random day, the next day I went and bought the ring. I think at the end of the day that's why Rollo got married, although he never came out and said it. She had been hinting at it, and she said she was fine with not being married, I believe she was, but she is crazy about me, she wants to keep me happy but there is a point in time, where I have to do somethings to keep her happy too. Relationships work both ways And ****, we have son and have lived together for 2 and a half years, travel together, have a joint bank account and amex account (although I do keep my own banking private).. we have been married in all but name for at least 2 years.

lol, and this is why I like her, because she thinks just like I do. She knows she is a high quality woman. She knows what she brings to the table, and she knows how I think and operate. I know that, if she left tomorrow, I would have no problem getting my women life back together. I also know on the other hand, as does she, that if I don't put a ring on her finger, and in general, if I don't keep my weight of the relationship, keep being the man that attractec her to me, she can find someone that can and will. To keep that high quality of a woman I have to do some things that make her happy. To keep a high quality man, she does things and puts up with things that make me happy, like my work hours, which she isn't crazy about but it makes me happy. She knew, that I would come to this conclusion eventually if she just kept doing what she was doing. Don't confuse establishing frame, with not wanting to make your girl happy.

I don't have to like something to reality in it. I like her enough, love her enough to want to keep her around,a nd there is no magical world, that you can keep a high quality woman, with no baggage, who can support herself, who works out everyday and has a banging body, and has none of the bad stupid women traits we talk about here all day long, without putting a ring on her finger, becuase at the end of the day that's what most/all women want, and while she has said she is fine without getting married, i am not stupid, and if i don't, someone else will or she will eventually put the pressure on, and if i plan to keep her around,which I do, she deserves it if that's what she wants. If it was up to me and me only yes I probably would not have "a contract" as you put it, but it is what it is.

And I understand her point of view as well. She runs the house, has our son, she needs some type of security. Do I like it, not really,but I see the point of view. Make no mistake, I don't LIKE the rules that are in place, but there are better than no rules, there should be something stopping me from, kicking her and my child out the house when I am 40 years old and reuping with a 23 year old for ****s and giggles lol with no recourse (Assuming she didn't do anything wrong, I just got tired of looking at her)


I have dated women in the past, that aren't that big on marriage at all. When the first time we talked about marriage, very early in our relationship just feeling each other out, she wasn't either. I mean she wasn't anti marriage but she was like it's not that big a deal. But after months, as in like 8-12 months of keeping magazine folders folded on pages with diamond rings, letting me see wedding pictures on her laptop by "accident" and wanting to go to every wedding known to man, I kinda got the hint lol. My fiancee, really, really, really likes me alot. She doesn't want to lose me. We have had this talk dozens of times, and I have told her look at as long as you are doing what you doing now i'm not going anywhere and I mean that. But the reality is she is 6 years older than me even though you could not tell by looking at her, she's very self conscious about that. She wants to know I'm not going anywhere. What the hell.

 

[Tazman]

because it's a stupid question, that i have already answered.

You actually didn't answer the question prior to the quote below.

I like her enough, love her enough to want to keep her around,a nd there is no magical world, that you can keep a high quality woman, with no baggage, who can support herself, who works out everyday and has a banging body, and has none of the bad stupid women traits we talk about here all day long, without putting a ring on her finger, becuase at the end of the day that's what most/all women want, and while she has said she is fine without getting married, i am not stupid, and if i don't, someone else will or she will eventually put the pressure on, and if i plan to keep her around,which I do, she deserves it if that's what she wants.

there should be something stopping me from, kicking her and my child out the house when I am 40 years old and reuping with a 23 year old for ****s and giggles lol with no recourse (Assuming she didn't do anything wrong, I just got tired of looking at her)

^^^These are answers.

Just out of curiosity, do you think the above quote is the reason women initiate 70% of the divorces in the States, because Men are simply getting tired of their wives?

How about you Slickster, would you say these are similar/same reasons you decided to get married?

 

[zekko]

The fact is it aint over till it’s over, and I mean until one of you is dead and only then can you say (if you are the one still alive) that your marriage worked out.

My marriage didn't work out, but I don't regret getting married, and I'm not bitter about it. It was good life experience, and I enjoyed the marriage up until the last year. We didn't have any children, so I'm not stuck still paying for it, that's a big thing for me.

A lot of guys here seem to be afraid of getting into relationships because they might end some day. Well, if they end, so what? Every ending is a new beginning. It might hurt, but it isn't going to kill you. Change is never comfortable. Obviously with marriage, and especially with children, there are financial considerations, so you should be extra careful in those situations.

Obviously some guys are not going to be cut out to get married. If sex is the most important thing for you, if you're a guy who is not happy unless you're out catting around, marriage is probably not for you. For me, I had my days of running around, it's not that important to me anymore. I'd rather have someone warm to come home to. Not that I wouldn't mind nailing certain girls now and then, but it's not a priority for me.

 

[Slickster]

guys like Slickster and backbreaker still don't want to answer the OBVIOUS question everyone is asking - why do you need a government contract?

Why not just have the ceremony, and live together happily ever after? Why sign a contract that is guaranteed to screw YOU over in case things don't work out?

Because you've been brainwashed into thinking that that goddamn CONTRACT is GOLD, when really, your LOVE for each other is the GOLD, and some goddamn CONTRACT should not mean A GODDAMN THING

get it?

I guess you missed it in my previous post. I didn't NEED any contract. The papers really mean nothing to me (or her). I WANTED to make an official commitment to her.

Some good friends of ours were married the previous summer before us. They were married by a native chief on an island in a teepee. One of the coolest things I've ever seen.

My wife and I know several couples (some extended family) who were never officially married but do have a "life partner" type commitment. We could've easily gone down that path too. My wife wasn't the type who NEEDED a fancy ring on her finger. Our wedding wasn't typical either and our guests really appreciated that. I guess I found an exception.

I do understand that the vast majority of women today need some security in the form of a marriage contract. Now where did that need come from? Does it stem from the fact that usually it is the woman who is left home caring and bringing up the children while the man works and provides for his family? Isn't it there to protect those women and children from deadbeat dads and husbands who don't live up to their end of the marriage bargain?

You can b!tch and moan about brainwashing and how the system favours women but the laws are there for a reason. Like most laws though they are there to protect the good people from the bad people. Wouldn't it be a great world if every man (and woman) was honourable and we didn't need things like marriage contracts and laws?

Isn't it man's natural instinct to spread his seed, and woman's natural instincts that set us up for a system like this in the first place?

Sure the laws have swung too far in favour of the women. However, if there were NO marriage laws or contracts would you get married? Would you commit to one woman? If you were married and after years of being together your wife aged and the relationship went sour what would you do? Would you kick her to the curb and trade her in for someone younger? What about if you had kids and she had spent the last 20 years at home bringing them up? Would she deserve some form of compensation?

You see I think it is a little bit more than the "official" marriage contract that scares so many of you.

 

[Slickster]

Slick, how long have you been married and how many kids do you have if you dont mind me asking?

So if I answer 30 years of happy marriage does that give me more credibility? What about if I say we've been together in a committed relationship for 30 years but only married for the last 3? Any change in credibility there? Also is the relationship suddenly doomed because I signed the dreaded papers?

You guys argue about there being no need for a man to get "officially" married yet somehow I don't think the paperwork is the issue.

 

[Slickster]

How about you Slickster, would you say these are similar/same reasons you decided to get married?

I got married because I wanted to make that commitment. It feels really good and I am very happy I did it.

I felt no pressures whatsoever.

Sure everything could go to hell in a hurry but like any major commitment or decision I feel like I did my homework to the best of my ability.

Ultimately I trust myself.