Question for the guys who are married/have been married.
- Thread starter sixersfan
- Start date
I have no intention of getting married. I'm not at all religious, so that angle isn't appropriate. I don't believe you need a legal document to have a good relationship - surely it can only make you lazy?sixersfan said:
I find that long term relationships leave me feeling bored. I enjoy the thrill of the chase of meeting a new girl, and the interest that develops when you first meet someone. After that cools I find myself looking around. The upshot of this is that I generally have short term relationships. I don't really sleep around like I did at University though. I have the odd one night stand but these are regretted. In the last two years I've had 8 short term relationships (the longest being 5 months).
Now...you could argue this will bit me in the arse when I'm older. That I will die alone and I will regret not getting close to someone. You may claim I have commitment issues. Maybe. It seems fairly boring though to effectively play it safe and settle for something early. When I'm pushing 40 or 50 I might think differently.
One of my friends has been divorced twice. He talks about each new girlfriend as his future ex-wife. Enough said, I think.
KarmaSutra
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The overwhelming depth of this post is mind-numbing.Zarky said:
I...I, just don't know what to say? My mind is mush from this profound philosophical insight.
:flowers:
sixersfan said:
I'm now 52 years old and have never been married. I was engaged one time and close a second time. I have absolutely no regrets. I see my married friends lives collapsing regularly.
Just over the holidays, one of my long time friends was told by his wife that she is leaving him after 20 years of marriage. They have 3 kids and he's devastated and doesn't know what hit him. He will soon enough. He's quite well off and my guess is that it will cost him close to a million dollars to settle with her. He has no choice in the matter. The laws are structured that way.
I don't have any kids that I know of but don't regret it at all. In today's environment raising a child is not appealing to me even if my marriage lasted. There's too many minefields and the world has gotten too small and complicated for my liking.
As for sleeping around, it doesn't mean that much to me anymore. My sex drive has diminished and I consider it a blessing instead of a curse. The paradox is that I've got more women interested in me than ever. But now I can be picky and choose one that is worth the effort. Until then, I relish my freedom and uncomplicated life.
There's a difference between "smart" and "wise". Smart is learning from your mistakes. Wise is learning from other people's mistakes. So far, I think I've done the "wise" thing.
No regrets.
Cheers!
Scaramouche
Master Don Juan
Dear Backbreaker,
"Cathrine the great, IMHO, in todays standards, is a better looking version of hillary clinton. Extremely brilliant not just intelligent, truly brilliant. Extremely ambitious, extremely power hungry. And as brilliant as she was, as much of a catch she knew she was, even she knew, she could not aspire to what she wanted to aspire to, without a man by her side. Even when she was the emperor of russia, had all the power in the world, she still went out of her way to woo men who she knew could help her achieve what she wanted to achieve, and she allowed herself to be a woman / lover to the men." I don't know if you were aware BB but Catherine offered German George 20.000 Cossacks to help him fight Washington,who initially represented only 2.5 mill Americans against 3.5 mill Loyalists...What If?how far sighted given Russias eventual,Possession of Alaska.
"Cathrine the great, IMHO, in todays standards, is a better looking version of hillary clinton. Extremely brilliant not just intelligent, truly brilliant. Extremely ambitious, extremely power hungry. And as brilliant as she was, as much of a catch she knew she was, even she knew, she could not aspire to what she wanted to aspire to, without a man by her side. Even when she was the emperor of russia, had all the power in the world, she still went out of her way to woo men who she knew could help her achieve what she wanted to achieve, and she allowed herself to be a woman / lover to the men." I don't know if you were aware BB but Catherine offered German George 20.000 Cossacks to help him fight Washington,who initially represented only 2.5 mill Americans against 3.5 mill Loyalists...What If?how far sighted given Russias eventual,Possession of Alaska.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
I suppose I should elaborate since I'd consider my marriage of 14.5 years to be what most guys think is ideal. Every time I comment on marriage I have to measure my words because it generally comes off as negative and self-contradictory. I'd like to think that any advice I give on marriage is that much more impactive because I am critical of marriage, especially coming from a guy in a fairly good one, but it's really hard to make that point stick with most people.
I have a good marriage, but no marriage is ideal. The very simple, but most important fact you have to grasp is, no woman will EVER understand nor appreciate the insane, one-sided sacrifices a man makes to commit to a lifetime with a woman. Considering the societal pressures, a legal system that unilaterally favors women's grievances, the sacrifices of a Man's ambition in favor of a woman's "entitlements", and a man's biological breeding imperative, it is literally insanity for a Man to even contemplate marriage. Women (and far too many men) will never even brush the surface of the consequences of those sacrifice. Women, because they're too self-absorbed and solipsistic, and men because they lack real foresight and a capacity to see the forest for the trees. The woman you've described above is exactly one of these women.
Yet in spite of the sheer insanity that marriage represents, men will still do it. Despite knowing that women are completely oblivious to the shark infested waters of marriage that a man willfully tosses himself into, he does it. Most do so in the hope that his wife will develop some sense of appreciation and reciprocate it in the future; all of them are disappointed. They think that their chivalrous dedication and loyalty to playing "by the rules" in the face of such overwhelming danger and risk will have to be appreciated at some point. They are wrong. There is simply no frame of reference for her. She would have to be a Man herself in order to come to terms with that, and even if they could, my doubt is that most women would ever confess the sacrifices he makes because it conflicts with her own imperatives as a female.
You must be as self-concerned about marriage as you would be in saving your own life.
Marriage should be a last resort, something to be forestalled until a Man, by virtue of years of experience, has the ability to recognize with measurable accuracy, a woman who deserves what he provides her, knowing full well that she will never appreciate it. The PRIZE mentality is essential. A man must be a Prince first, before he can be a King when he marries. It is vital for a Man to enter into marriage with firm frame control. The frame you enter into marriage with is what will set the tone of your relationship.After 14 years of marriage I can honestly say there are no appreciable advantages (outside of raising children) that a man cannot enjoy single that he can married. That's the real sacrifice a man makes. Women know this; his acknowledgement, his awareness of this, is what they have to fight using social conventions. And to make matters worse for women, they also know that the more they age the less leverage they have. The chance that you might become 'enlightened' to the Matrix, the fact that as you mature you become better able to dictate the terms of your own frame, conflict with her decaying ability to arouse you physically and/or her ability to attract other eligible men.
This is what your GF is contending with now - times running out, and in her desperation she's showing you her true colors. You're encountering a very common female social mechanic that puts you into the position of being expected to be ashamed for not "having a 3, 5, 10 year plan". This is her frame, you're already living in her world. The foundation of any marriage you'd have will begin with her expectations of you. Bad start. Essentially your marriage would be based on psychological extortion.
I have a good marriage, but no marriage is ideal. The very simple, but most important fact you have to grasp is, no woman will EVER understand nor appreciate the insane, one-sided sacrifices a man makes to commit to a lifetime with a woman. Considering the societal pressures, a legal system that unilaterally favors women's grievances, the sacrifices of a Man's ambition in favor of a woman's "entitlements", and a man's biological breeding imperative, it is literally insanity for a Man to even contemplate marriage. Women (and far too many men) will never even brush the surface of the consequences of those sacrifice. Women, because they're too self-absorbed and solipsistic, and men because they lack real foresight and a capacity to see the forest for the trees. The woman you've described above is exactly one of these women.
Yet in spite of the sheer insanity that marriage represents, men will still do it. Despite knowing that women are completely oblivious to the shark infested waters of marriage that a man willfully tosses himself into, he does it. Most do so in the hope that his wife will develop some sense of appreciation and reciprocate it in the future; all of them are disappointed. They think that their chivalrous dedication and loyalty to playing "by the rules" in the face of such overwhelming danger and risk will have to be appreciated at some point. They are wrong. There is simply no frame of reference for her. She would have to be a Man herself in order to come to terms with that, and even if they could, my doubt is that most women would ever confess the sacrifices he makes because it conflicts with her own imperatives as a female.
You must be as self-concerned about marriage as you would be in saving your own life.
Marriage should be a last resort, something to be forestalled until a Man, by virtue of years of experience, has the ability to recognize with measurable accuracy, a woman who deserves what he provides her, knowing full well that she will never appreciate it. The PRIZE mentality is essential. A man must be a Prince first, before he can be a King when he marries. It is vital for a Man to enter into marriage with firm frame control. The frame you enter into marriage with is what will set the tone of your relationship.After 14 years of marriage I can honestly say there are no appreciable advantages (outside of raising children) that a man cannot enjoy single that he can married. That's the real sacrifice a man makes. Women know this; his acknowledgement, his awareness of this, is what they have to fight using social conventions. And to make matters worse for women, they also know that the more they age the less leverage they have. The chance that you might become 'enlightened' to the Matrix, the fact that as you mature you become better able to dictate the terms of your own frame, conflict with her decaying ability to arouse you physically and/or her ability to attract other eligible men.
This is what your GF is contending with now - times running out, and in her desperation she's showing you her true colors. You're encountering a very common female social mechanic that puts you into the position of being expected to be ashamed for not "having a 3, 5, 10 year plan". This is her frame, you're already living in her world. The foundation of any marriage you'd have will begin with her expectations of you. Bad start. Essentially your marriage would be based on psychological extortion.
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
I do want to offer some, what is the word I am looking for.. some perspective here. Not all women are gold digging *****s who are going to cheat on you lol. My dad, has been divorced what, 3 times, seems to be working on a 4th as we speak, and besides raising his kids, has not come out of a dime in any of them, outside having to get himself a new place. And to boot, all of them were because he couldn't keep his **** in his pants. If anyone deserved to be taken to the cleaners it was him. His women had more morals than he did.sixersfan said:
This place, is an eye opener, yes women are that scandalous, but keep some perspective about the opposite sex, it's too easy to lose it
One thing that has struck me over the years are the responses I get from married men when I tell them I'm not married. Nine times out of ten I'll get one of two responses.
"Smart"
or
"Lucky"
Those have always been in the back of my head if I even thought about it. I couldn't discount them especially coming from men older than me.
Cheers!
"Smart"
or
"Lucky"
Those have always been in the back of my head if I even thought about it. I couldn't discount them especially coming from men older than me.
Cheers!
So, I'm reading this now and I have a question for you guys who have been married and are now divorce.LeftyLoosey said:
Were you betas in your old relationships? Is that what caused them to go downhill?
This is an interesting thread because I've always imagined myself eventually getting married and having kids one day if I found the right woman, though not anytime soon.
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"Where you betas in your old relationship? Is that what caused them to go downhill?"
Every married man is the "beta" in the marriage. If you assert yourself as you might in a male-male interaction, you're labeled by her friends and family, and by the legal system as a d!ick, jerk, or at worst as an abuser.
Married men stay married by suppressing their natural urges (not to mention the sneaking and lying they do out of fear of what the "little woman" would do if she found out). Does that sound appealing to you?
Every married man is the "beta" in the marriage. If you assert yourself as you might in a male-male interaction, you're labeled by her friends and family, and by the legal system as a d!ick, jerk, or at worst as an abuser.
Married men stay married by suppressing their natural urges (not to mention the sneaking and lying they do out of fear of what the "little woman" would do if she found out). Does that sound appealing to you?
Not at all and it never has sounded appealing to me. Even more, I've always fought against the idea of marriage as well when learning about beta and alpha males.BobMo' said:
But, I can't deny the part of me that fears being alone at 60 years of age with no wife or kids. I mean, I can get easily get laid now, but I'm guessing it will be a lot tougher the older I get.
cordoncordon
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I have never been married, so obviously I know the hazards involved. However, I am not against it. I have just chosen to remain unmarried because quite honestly, I love my independence. I have been with my present gf for 2 years now though, and IF I was to marry, it will be with her. Odds are I will be asking her at some time in the near future.
I think it is important to keep in mind that 99% of the men posting on this website are here because they are having trouble with attracting and keeping a women, so their point of view is more than likely going to be slanted to the anti women, and thus anti marriage side. I am sure there are many websites where the prevailing view would be that marriage is great. Just to keep things in perspective.
I think it is important to keep in mind that 99% of the men posting on this website are here because they are having trouble with attracting and keeping a women, so their point of view is more than likely going to be slanted to the anti women, and thus anti marriage side. I am sure there are many websites where the prevailing view would be that marriage is great. Just to keep things in perspective.
sodbuster
Master Don Juan
Well, you start out being all MAN,then little things come up that you think aren't worth arguing over. As you give in on those.... bigger things come up....but you have little kids,so you let them slide. Until FINALLY, you've had enough and she doesn't realize you WON'T cave this time. She files for divorce[telling you YOU need to apologize or she's filing]. IF you'd give in then...she OWNS you,so you get a divorce.
I always thought my dad was an azzhole for the way he treated mom,but I think he was right.The little things are worth fighting over.
I always thought my dad was an azzhole for the way he treated mom,but I think he was right.The little things are worth fighting over.
I was with my ex for 7 years. Lived with her for 5. Never married her. Told her from day one that I didn't believe in marriage and paper work. But I would always be there for her and my daughter and I meant it. It wasn't enough. I loved her, but I wasn't going there. (and for you common law pushers, its only common law in my state if you represent yourself as man and wife which we did not).
Before it was just a gut feeling from looking around at the married and divorced people I knew and I knew it wasn't for me. Now, knowing the real workings of modern marriage, no thanks. I don't need the government and the courts in my relationships. I don't approve of how they do business. I would have to be in an entirely different financial position and with a woman who would have to be far beyond what I have known for me to even think about it. Which is why I guess people say I just haven't met the right one yet, because god knows I haven't.
*edit*
"were you guys beta in your marriages and did that cause it to go down hill"
I was. I was pretty alpha at first throwing shows, djing at clubs and running my own record label at the time and also starting up my second freelance business. I was well known in the local clubs, tons of social proof, access to everything in the club. Hell she blew me off the first few times she met me outside the club, but when she saw me in my element, it was on, the competition from other women and groupies also kept the sex on point. After having a kid, I ended up doing what she wanted and getting a stable day job and stopped djing and freelancing. The soul got sucked out of me. The sex went down hill, I hated my job. I wasn't doing what I loved anymore. It was all about having the stable 9-5 for the baby. I turned down two great job ops because she didn't want to move. I got depressed. She cheated, I left. Not marrying her was the best move I ever made. Child support put a burden on me, I was too old to go back to the club scene, I was stuck with debts and bills. Imagine trying to get a lawyer and paying that on top of everything else. I would have had to move back home with my folks. BTW, she said she cheated because I wasn't going to marry her. Nice way to turn it back on me and make it my fault. But she knew that from the jump. It wasn't that, it was betatude that dried up the gina tingles and the respect.
Before it was just a gut feeling from looking around at the married and divorced people I knew and I knew it wasn't for me. Now, knowing the real workings of modern marriage, no thanks. I don't need the government and the courts in my relationships. I don't approve of how they do business. I would have to be in an entirely different financial position and with a woman who would have to be far beyond what I have known for me to even think about it. Which is why I guess people say I just haven't met the right one yet, because god knows I haven't.
*edit*
"were you guys beta in your marriages and did that cause it to go down hill"
I was. I was pretty alpha at first throwing shows, djing at clubs and running my own record label at the time and also starting up my second freelance business. I was well known in the local clubs, tons of social proof, access to everything in the club. Hell she blew me off the first few times she met me outside the club, but when she saw me in my element, it was on, the competition from other women and groupies also kept the sex on point. After having a kid, I ended up doing what she wanted and getting a stable day job and stopped djing and freelancing. The soul got sucked out of me. The sex went down hill, I hated my job. I wasn't doing what I loved anymore. It was all about having the stable 9-5 for the baby. I turned down two great job ops because she didn't want to move. I got depressed. She cheated, I left. Not marrying her was the best move I ever made. Child support put a burden on me, I was too old to go back to the club scene, I was stuck with debts and bills. Imagine trying to get a lawyer and paying that on top of everything else. I would have had to move back home with my folks. BTW, she said she cheated because I wasn't going to marry her. Nice way to turn it back on me and make it my fault. But she knew that from the jump. It wasn't that, it was betatude that dried up the gina tingles and the respect.
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Colossus
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Sixers-
Heed what the others have said about perspective. Most men who are genuinely happy in their marriage arent seeking out or posting on Sosuave, or any seduction site for that matter. However, since their are plenty of enlightened men here who have been through the gamut, the advice you are reading is truly invaluable and gives you a look at the OTHER side of the fence.
I have never been married, nor am I categorically against it. I do believe whole-heartedly that it is AT BEST a gambit, and at worst a sentence of misery. You cant take the probability aspect out of it. What you CAN do is systematically minimize the probability of a bad outcome by establishing firm non-negotiables in your life and honing your sense of rationality and foresight.
If you're going to do it, there are two ABSOLUTE requirements, IMO:
1. Only marry a woman who wants YOU. Not kids, not your job, not a house or 5,10,15 year plans. If you were to take everything else out of the equation, I mean everything but YOU, would she still marry you? Deep down every man knows that answer. Obviously no woman is going to marry a complete bum, but you get the picture.
2. Pre-nup. Period, end of story. If she refuses, no marriage.
On the flip side, choosing not to marry is totally wise and commendable. Not every man can be a lifelong bachelor, though.
Heed what the others have said about perspective. Most men who are genuinely happy in their marriage arent seeking out or posting on Sosuave, or any seduction site for that matter. However, since their are plenty of enlightened men here who have been through the gamut, the advice you are reading is truly invaluable and gives you a look at the OTHER side of the fence.
I have never been married, nor am I categorically against it. I do believe whole-heartedly that it is AT BEST a gambit, and at worst a sentence of misery. You cant take the probability aspect out of it. What you CAN do is systematically minimize the probability of a bad outcome by establishing firm non-negotiables in your life and honing your sense of rationality and foresight.
If you're going to do it, there are two ABSOLUTE requirements, IMO:
1. Only marry a woman who wants YOU. Not kids, not your job, not a house or 5,10,15 year plans. If you were to take everything else out of the equation, I mean everything but YOU, would she still marry you? Deep down every man knows that answer. Obviously no woman is going to marry a complete bum, but you get the picture.
2. Pre-nup. Period, end of story. If she refuses, no marriage.
On the flip side, choosing not to marry is totally wise and commendable. Not every man can be a lifelong bachelor, though.
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The Duke
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I put marriage off for 3 years and finally gave in. We were together for 15years(married last 5yrs of that). I am glad I experienced marriage but will most likely never do it again. It serves few benefits for a man. I even married a good one. We are still good friends to this day even tho she cheated on me.
The problem with marriage is its an excuse to get lazy and quit working on the things that make relationships successful like you did when you were just dating.
Also women don't have to be married these days. Just look at all the single moms out there. I don't think you can trust these creatures who act on their emotional whims.
Start hanging out with married people and just observe how unfulfilled they look. All my married friends tell me they wish they had my life. I don't think I've ever heard a guy say "marriage is the greatest thing to ever happen to me".
One thing I miss about being married is the stability. Thats about it tho. Sex was also more regular too. Being single, its all or nothing it seems. I don't have a problem finding women, but I do have a problem finding ones worth having. Those are very rare.
I have unlimited freedom being single. These days I do whatever I want, when I want, and on my terms. I answer to no one. That feels damn good but this life isn't for everybody.
You need to understand that a lot of guys on this site aren't going to be pro-marriage. Theres another side of the story that you won't hear from the type that visits this forum that you should listen to.........even tho its probably not right! :nono:
The best thing you could do is sit back, ask questions, and analyze what your girl has to say. Bring that information back to this site and these guys will translate it for you and be right on the money. Most of the guys here have been thru so many women, heard so much bs, that they can spot the deception a mile away. I already have concerns by what little you have shared so far.
Dont rush into anything. If that woman really wants to marry you because she thinks youre the most amazing man on the planet then just make her wait. A woman who has a hidden agenda won't wait. The one who is genuinely sincere and crazy about you sure will.
The problem with marriage is its an excuse to get lazy and quit working on the things that make relationships successful like you did when you were just dating.
Also women don't have to be married these days. Just look at all the single moms out there. I don't think you can trust these creatures who act on their emotional whims.
Start hanging out with married people and just observe how unfulfilled they look. All my married friends tell me they wish they had my life. I don't think I've ever heard a guy say "marriage is the greatest thing to ever happen to me".
One thing I miss about being married is the stability. Thats about it tho. Sex was also more regular too. Being single, its all or nothing it seems. I don't have a problem finding women, but I do have a problem finding ones worth having. Those are very rare.
I have unlimited freedom being single. These days I do whatever I want, when I want, and on my terms. I answer to no one. That feels damn good but this life isn't for everybody.
You need to understand that a lot of guys on this site aren't going to be pro-marriage. Theres another side of the story that you won't hear from the type that visits this forum that you should listen to.........even tho its probably not right! :nono:
The best thing you could do is sit back, ask questions, and analyze what your girl has to say. Bring that information back to this site and these guys will translate it for you and be right on the money. Most of the guys here have been thru so many women, heard so much bs, that they can spot the deception a mile away. I already have concerns by what little you have shared so far.
Dont rush into anything. If that woman really wants to marry you because she thinks youre the most amazing man on the planet then just make her wait. A woman who has a hidden agenda won't wait. The one who is genuinely sincere and crazy about you sure will.
The Duke
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To answer the question about "were you guys beta in your marriages and did that cause it to go down hill"
I started out alpha and thats what attracted her. Over time I got tired of it all and it was just easier to be beta and do my own thing instead of listen to her nagging. I got tired of the battle. She was pretty alpha as far as females go so I had my work cut out for me. But yep no doubt when I quit being an alpha male, that was ultimately the beginning of the end which led her to cheat on me and our marriage to end in divorce.
I started out alpha and thats what attracted her. Over time I got tired of it all and it was just easier to be beta and do my own thing instead of listen to her nagging. I got tired of the battle. She was pretty alpha as far as females go so I had my work cut out for me. But yep no doubt when I quit being an alpha male, that was ultimately the beginning of the end which led her to cheat on me and our marriage to end in divorce.
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
I would like to take the time to say a few things that are burning right now.
Alot of, what is the word I am looking for, I don't think alot of people here, are being 100% honest about the situtation, let me just put it that way.
,
1. I don't have any, "friends" per say. I have associates who I do thinggs with and go over their house, but not, bail me out of jail type friends. But we have a social circle, probably, 40-50 people in all when it's all said and done. We know, 2 people that are in very serious rellationshipos, 1 group that is engaged like us, and 4 marired couples. I would say, of them, 2 of them I would call happy, one of the married coupls, and the relationship couples. I think the engaged guy got "the plan" talk put on him and gave in. 2 of the married people are miserable, one of them, is married to a smoking, smokin hot woman that works hert husband like a dog while she sits at home and drinks /kicks it all day long.. one couple I am on the fence about, they fight alot but I think they actually like it.
Anyway, I say this.. that's how many miserable guys... 4 miserable guys by my count.. yes 4. Now.. of those miserable guys, the 1 guy that is basically a serf lol, the guy that is fighting with his (very avg looking) wife constantly, the other guy that is married to a woman that went from about 120 to about 165 since I have known them and the engaged guy that got given "the plan"... here is the question you have to ask yourself. Do you really think, if these guys were single, they would be any happier lol?
It's an illogical fallacy to blame their unhappiness, on the marriage. They are miserable because they have no ****ing backabone and don't know how to handle women. The reason the guy puts up with his wife harpooning is because he CAN'T go get another woman, or he doesn't think he can, you honestly think, taking his wife away is going to really be the cure all to his problems? He has a core / inner game problem, which is not going to be fixed.. hell if you took her away, he'd probably want her back.
The other guy who I know is happy, one of htem, the guy who is married, wife is a dime piece, they **** like rabbits, and he's a guy that I know for a fact, if they broke up, would not have a problem at all getting laid. The thing is, she knows it too. She has a catch, and she knows it and acts accordingly.
My whole point in saying this was, please stop using 'outsiders' as some type of reference to how marriages don't work. most guys have no freaking clue, and would be just as miserable if they were single because they have never gotten control over that aspect of their lives, they don't understand it. "They are.. those sea thingys lol, that just sit there and wait for food to come and whatever comes comes and they are freaking happy with it. Just like, you would not compare your relationships, or how you handled them 10 years ago to how yo would handle them now. That's whyI really don't even judge women anymore.
2. Don't get me wrong. This site, has , opening hundreds of eyes, including mine of the ways of the opposite sex. For that I am thankful. But sometimes at the expensive of not being 100% truthful.
Let me ask you a question, and be honest.. We talk about women using marriage to gain weight.. I can't think of one guy, and i'm dead serious, that went ot the gym, ate like he was eating pre marriage, kept up his wardrobe the way it was before he was married... men use marriage as an excuse to, though no one wants to every admit it. The truth is, womenc heat, for hte same ****ing reason men cheat, they fall out of love. They fall out of love beucase alot of times, that person, is not the same person that they were when they got married. Some of it has to do with looks. One of the married guys we know, used to go the gym with me everyday before he got married, now he works and goes home. We were playing softball the other day at the park, just a big group of us, he was heesing running the bases after hitting a double. This is a guy who could get on the treadmill for 45 minutes at a time and be ready to keep going. He has a bit of a beer gut now.
But alot of guys, never had the frame to begin with. you can't be happy in any relationship if you don't have the framework set.
I am not interested in using women, or men, as a scapegoat for all my problems. I simply want to learn how to deal with the opposite sex the best way I can, to understand and not blame, to accept and not chastise, to be prepared and attackt and not whine.
Alot of, what is the word I am looking for, I don't think alot of people here, are being 100% honest about the situtation, let me just put it that way.
,
1. I don't have any, "friends" per say. I have associates who I do thinggs with and go over their house, but not, bail me out of jail type friends. But we have a social circle, probably, 40-50 people in all when it's all said and done. We know, 2 people that are in very serious rellationshipos, 1 group that is engaged like us, and 4 marired couples. I would say, of them, 2 of them I would call happy, one of the married coupls, and the relationship couples. I think the engaged guy got "the plan" talk put on him and gave in. 2 of the married people are miserable, one of them, is married to a smoking, smokin hot woman that works hert husband like a dog while she sits at home and drinks /kicks it all day long.. one couple I am on the fence about, they fight alot but I think they actually like it.
Anyway, I say this.. that's how many miserable guys... 4 miserable guys by my count.. yes 4. Now.. of those miserable guys, the 1 guy that is basically a serf lol, the guy that is fighting with his (very avg looking) wife constantly, the other guy that is married to a woman that went from about 120 to about 165 since I have known them and the engaged guy that got given "the plan"... here is the question you have to ask yourself. Do you really think, if these guys were single, they would be any happier lol?
It's an illogical fallacy to blame their unhappiness, on the marriage. They are miserable because they have no ****ing backabone and don't know how to handle women. The reason the guy puts up with his wife harpooning is because he CAN'T go get another woman, or he doesn't think he can, you honestly think, taking his wife away is going to really be the cure all to his problems? He has a core / inner game problem, which is not going to be fixed.. hell if you took her away, he'd probably want her back.
The other guy who I know is happy, one of htem, the guy who is married, wife is a dime piece, they **** like rabbits, and he's a guy that I know for a fact, if they broke up, would not have a problem at all getting laid. The thing is, she knows it too. She has a catch, and she knows it and acts accordingly.
My whole point in saying this was, please stop using 'outsiders' as some type of reference to how marriages don't work. most guys have no freaking clue, and would be just as miserable if they were single because they have never gotten control over that aspect of their lives, they don't understand it. "They are.. those sea thingys lol, that just sit there and wait for food to come and whatever comes comes and they are freaking happy with it. Just like, you would not compare your relationships, or how you handled them 10 years ago to how yo would handle them now. That's whyI really don't even judge women anymore.
2. Don't get me wrong. This site, has , opening hundreds of eyes, including mine of the ways of the opposite sex. For that I am thankful. But sometimes at the expensive of not being 100% truthful.
Let me ask you a question, and be honest.. We talk about women using marriage to gain weight.. I can't think of one guy, and i'm dead serious, that went ot the gym, ate like he was eating pre marriage, kept up his wardrobe the way it was before he was married... men use marriage as an excuse to, though no one wants to every admit it. The truth is, womenc heat, for hte same ****ing reason men cheat, they fall out of love. They fall out of love beucase alot of times, that person, is not the same person that they were when they got married. Some of it has to do with looks. One of the married guys we know, used to go the gym with me everyday before he got married, now he works and goes home. We were playing softball the other day at the park, just a big group of us, he was heesing running the bases after hitting a double. This is a guy who could get on the treadmill for 45 minutes at a time and be ready to keep going. He has a bit of a beer gut now.
But alot of guys, never had the frame to begin with. you can't be happy in any relationship if you don't have the framework set.
I am not interested in using women, or men, as a scapegoat for all my problems. I simply want to learn how to deal with the opposite sex the best way I can, to understand and not blame, to accept and not chastise, to be prepared and attackt and not whine.
