Question for the guys who are married/have been married.

[Slickster]

I may be wired differently based on my profession.

I basically sign my life away every day I go to work. Sure the organization will cover me if something happens but only if I follow the book to the letter. If I lose focus or make a mistake I could be found negligent and I'm screwed.

I know guys in my profession who actually sign EVERYTHING over to their wife's name just in case something happens. I'm sure that just blows some of your minds but those guys think I'm nuts for not doing so.

In my part of the world Common-Law partners have the following rights:

Divorce No
Care of Children Yes
Child Support Yes
Spousal Support Yes Yes
Sharing Family Assets No
Trust Claims to Assets Yes
Government Benefits Yes
Wills & Estates Rights Yes
Pension Rights Maybe


So I guess you're going to say I should never even live with a woman either right?

 

[sodbuster]

Not sure how the laws are in Canada, but here you can put things in trusts, family limited liability partnerships[paper assets that can't get you sued] etc. and keep them safe from your creditors or your wifes[no matter who gets sued]. If you are making good money, look up an asset protection lawyer. THEN you'll have more protection against lawsuits than your co-workers.

 

[betterthandead]

The reason being is because marriage is really much more than love between two people, it's the sharing of assets/resources. When you have that into play and I'm sure after a couple dozen divorces and hearing couples have vague assertions on what is split and what not the government decided to come in where they would not only recognize marriages but also divorces therefore making marriages a legal union/separation than something done out of love especially in a world of two incomes and the complexities that involve dividing assets during divorces.

Sure you have guys like Brad Pitt/Johnny Depp not being married to their girlfriends while having kids, but those guys are the exception to the rule because they are in the public eye thus their reputation is held accountable. Look at Mel Gibson and his screw ups, anyone who hangs around him must be brave.

guys like Slickster and backbreaker still don't want to answer the OBVIOUS question everyone is asking - why do you need a government contract?

Why not just have the ceremony, and live together happily ever after? Why sign a contract that is guaranteed to screw YOU over in case things don't work out?

Because you've been brainwashed into thinking that that goddamn CONTRACT is GOLD, when really, your LOVE for each other is the GOLD, and some goddamn CONTRACT should not mean A GODDAMN THING

get it?

 

[betterthandead]

The way I see about marriage is that if your wife pretty much fulfills certain voids/weaknesses of yours it would definitely be very beneficial to have that person around for the sake of social survivability. For me, I'm not much of an emotional person, I can be a cut dry person and be insensitive over people and a nerd to boot. It is social suicide to seek companionship with someone close to my personality, sure we'd be good friends and perhaps more, but for raising kids or dealing with other people we are shooting ourselves in the foot.

So for me and my current ladyfriend, it's really the issue of fulfilling certain weak aspects of ourselves, accepting, as well as allowing the other partner to smooth/rush into action.

For the kids issue, which is REALLY the only reason why any man would want to get married (If you're getting married just for the sake of companionship or security, I LOL at you) I want to raise kids because I see so many stupid motherf**** out there hanging in Gangsta ghetto rap land or yuppie ville, I want my kids to challenge them all and take them to downtown.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

As I was saying, it's men who are the real romantics:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1353345/Men-want-married-just-women.html

 

[zekko]

As I was saying, it's men who are the real romantics:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1353345/Men-want-married-just-women.html

Strange that more men than women want to have children. I thought that was supposed to be women's "great biological imperative". The biological clock and all.

I agree men are more romantic but I'm surprised that women are less likely to want kids. Perhaps since they are the traditional caregivers, it's more "real" to them, including all the work that goes into it.

 

[Reyaj]

Slickster

Was your wife a virgin before you married her?

It sounds like you have a good marriage thus far.. and your answer to this could shed light on another question I've been pondering

 

[5string]

WTF is with all of this?

If a guy wants to get married, and has thought it all out beforehand, it's good. All of us know marriage is not a sure thing. There is risk in doing it just like everything else in life. I don't fear the institution of marriage. If mine by chance does not work out, well, that's just the way it is. I'll still be putting one foot in front of the other.

 

[sixersfan]

Thanks again fellas for contributing. Its been a couple of weeks now since I first made this thread.

To answer 5string et al, I think it's an important question to pose and times have changed from a generation or two ago. It's arguably the biggest decision in your adult life. My brother was recently divorced and one of the things was he wasn't spending enough time with the wife and instead was on facebook and other crap all the time. If he didn't have all this social networking stuff he would have been forced to spend more time with the wife and watch tv with her etc. etc.

Times have changed as the world is a lot smaller now and it's much easier for the common man to have extra-marital affairs. Think about it - a guy working back in the 60's at his factory job. He doesn't have a cell phone or internet or any of that sort of thing. If he met a female he would have to give the home phone number and since most likely his wife was a housewife she'd be at home most of the time.

Don't get me wrong I love the idea of being married and having someone to wake up to each day, but I'm 29 and the world is full of beautiful and easily accessible women. I also want kids eventually too. So I'm going to wait for the meantime and just keep happily dating women, perhaps around 40, 42, I'll finally tie the knot. I definitely don't want to be a lonely old man.

Men love being married and love being single as well so that's about the best option there is (for me anyway) To the guys that are married here kudos to you guys and all the best to you and your families.

 

[5string]

Thanks again fellas for contributing. Its been a couple of weeks now since I first made this thread.

To answer 5string et al, I think it's an important question to pose and times have changed from a generation or two ago. It's arguably the biggest decision in your adult life. My brother was recently divorced and one of the things was he wasn't spending enough time with the wife and instead was on facebook and other crap all the time. If he didn't have all this social networking stuff he would have been forced to spend more time with the wife and watch tv with her etc. etc.

Times have changed as the world is a lot smaller now and it's much easier for the common man to have extra-marital affairs. Think about it - a guy working back in the 60's at his factory job. He doesn't have a cell phone or internet or any of that sort of thing. If he met a female he would have to give the home phone number and since most likely his wife was a housewife she'd be at home most of the time.

Don't get me wrong I love the idea of being married and having someone to wake up to each day, but I'm 29 and the world is full of beautiful and easily accessible women. I also want kids eventually too. So I'm going to wait for the meantime and just keep happily dating women, perhaps around 40, 42, I'll finally tie the knot. I definitely don't want to be a lonely old man.

Men love being married and love being single as well so that's about the best option there is (for me anyway) To the guys that are married here kudos to you guys and all the best to you and your families.

Want kids? That's a whole other story. Best to think that out beforehand as well.....bigtime. Married or divorced, they'll be in your life for YEARS, emotionally and financially.

At one point I thought I wanted children. Now I feel fortunate they I never had any. Just me though.

 

[Reyaj]

Still waiting for Slickster to say if his wife had other sexual partners prior to meeting him.. I'm guessing she has

 

[countermart]

The nature of feminine women and marriage

As a guy who has been through it, the good and the bad, there are two other considerations relating to the nature of women that a guy should consider before settling down (please don’t get me wrong, I love women, and I speak in generalities):

Women are emotional creatures – a woman will tell you things and go into things such as marriage according to what she is feeling, or her emotions at the time. What a woman says is merely a reflection of what she feels at the time, this can change five seconds later. The more feminine she is the more this will play into her decision making. There is no point in trying to change this nature any more than there is in trying to change the nature of the ocean. But like the ocean, the ocean of emotions is dangerous and unpredictable at times. This makes the basis of who you are handing your life over to (at least to an extent) extremely risky. She will commonly make decisions in your marriage, not based on logic, but on what emotion she is feeling at the time. That is why you must absolutely not make a woman the centre of your life, and follow her every whim, or you will be swept away by her ocean of emotional currents in all directions. It is also why many feminine women need a man in their life to add logic, accountability, balance and direction, or at least a less emotional platform she can bounce off if you get my meaning. This is what a man can offer her. This is why many feminine women do not like AFCs, the things she needs he does not offer, he is just giving her more “girl” more feminine, not the masculine traits that she needs as a balance.

Guys do not understand this nature of feminine women when they say things like:

“She loved me on Saturday night, but when I met her on Monday afternoon she hated me. I just don’t understand.” Simply on Saturday night her emotions told her to love you, and on Monday afternoon her emotions told her to hate you. It means noting. She may even love you again by Thursday morning, and everything in between.

Secondly, for a woman the most important factor in a relationship is what is happening now. The fact that you as a father put a daughter through education, supported her for a lifetime etc often means very little to her if she feels you have done something wrong in the immediate. Emotionally she will not care about your history. It is the same in marriage, for the most part the great things you have done in the past will not be as valued by her as you value them as a man. That is also why women can commonly leave relationships more easily, and also why as a man you are almost always in a form of trial or only as good as your last move effectively. So the fact that you worked hard for 10 years buying a house for her means nothing if in the last 10 minutes you looked at the female serving the drinks a little too long.

You will never change this nature in women, but if you consider just these two you will understand why it is so difficult for a man and a woman to stay happily together over a very long period of time, particularly in a marriage situation, because it effectively leaves the man somewhat powerless in the relationship once children have come along.

Really if it was just about the money then it’s not that important. I really feel the big question then is not should you get married, but should you have children. That makes all the difference it links you to the other person for decades, whether you want it or not.

Countermart

 

[Zarky]

I've been thinking and I've come up with the only reason men should ever get married. And that is if they can get a woman who is way, waaaaay, out of their league. I'm talking a thin, big-tittied, stunningly beautiful, 6-foot blonde with a rich dad and an estate in the Hamptons.

THAT, to me, is someone I'd marry. Someone who is so out of my league that people would take me aside and whisper, "How the F*CK did you get her to marry you??" I mean, if the girl you're marrying doesn't tremendously raise your social status, why would you marry her? Doesn't make any sense to me. I just don't understand.

 

[zekko]

Someone who is so out of my league that people would take me aside and whisper, "How the F*CK did you get her to marry you??"

Honestly, I would get tired of hearing that REAL quick.

Your idea of marrying up financially is smart though. That way you should benefit in the event of divorce.
However, a friend of mine was recently divorced by his wife who made a lot more money than him. He got royally shafted in the settlement (didn't even get half of the assets). He had a crap lawyer who dropped the ball though.

 

[sodbuster]

I'm with zarky on this one[course I've already done it the other way]

 

[backbreaker]

baby woke me up, can't sleep.

One of the things, that you have to get over, is this overall sense, of right and wrong. Things in the real world, are never black and white. Marriage, is never a bad thing or a good thing. Sometimes it fits and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it's correct and sometimes it's a mistake. I have a guy who I am trying to do full time graphic work, more than double his salary, but his new wife doesn't want him to take it because it's a 1099 job. On the other hand, LBJ, proposed to ladybird, on his first date. I think that worked out pretty well for him. I think one made the correct decision in getting married, I think one did not. On the other hand, you don't think having a strong willed woman by his side would not help a guy like charlie sheen? that man needs some ****ign stability like I need a blow job. In reality, I dont' think charlie sheen and george w bush are that much different. Both were pretty ****ing hard core drunks/addicts with famous parents and connections, one had a strong woman who whipped his ass into shape and told him to be something or I'm gone, and the other did not. One was the president of the united states, one is in rehab.

Speaking of LBJ, to get across my point of there not being a such thing as right and wrong.. here is a man, who literary, just flat out stole the 1948 senate race. stuffed the ballot boxes to win by like 100 votes. Everyone knew he stole the election. However, this is the same man, who 10 years later, single handily, force feed the south the first civil rights bill since reconstruction almost 100 years earlier, there IS no civil rights bill in 1957 without LBJ as the senate majority leader at the time, he is the sole reason that bill passed. So is he "good" or is he "evil"? The truth is he is neither. I have a client right now, that does online rep management for upcoming pop stars. We do all his web work. He tells me, when are we going to have this next site up? I ask the freelance grahpic guy above, he tells me WEdnesday. I tell the client wednesday. the client tells the singer wednesday. Wednesday comes, site isn't up, client rips me a new one and I sit there and take it like a man. calls me every name in the book becuase he lied to a client and he doesn't like lied to clients. What he doesn't know however, is that I was covering for the graphic guy who I knew, 1. had a full time job and 2. only got like 1 hour of sleep the previous night. I know he had the intention to have it done wednesday it just could not happen. getting mad at him would have done me no good, nor would have casting the blame on him, but I assure you the client has told his actress that I am at fault and everyhting is my fault, which I'm okay with. Am I bad becuase3 I didn't deliver on time, or am I good becuase I am covering for a guy who I know wants badly to work full time as a freelancer and I'm being patient with him? The truth is I'm neither good or bad, I'm a guy who like every other guy, is looking after his long term ambitions, and becuase its' in my best best interest to work with the full time freelancer, I am willing to put up with some disgruntled clients and along the way, **** happens, **** like, only getting 1 hour of sleep happens lol. Sometimes, **** happens in life. **** is neither good or bad, it's just ****. Don''t ever confuse circumstances, with character.

A woman dating you and having sex with another man, does not make her a "bad" woman, a guy abusing drugs, does not make him a "bad" man. LIfe is full of ****. I abused drugs, and when you get to the core of it, I abused drugs becuase I had alot of self esttem family issues. So do you blame my mom? My mom did not have a father, her real dad she only saw 1 or 2 times in life and her step dad is in jail for life. So let's blame the step father, well the step father was in jail because he killed 2 white men robbing a store my grandmother was just so happening to be working at and he just so happened to be outside at the time coming in (true story). Life is full of ****, and the mistake people make, is judging **** or character. Some people "(like myself) have the tendency to deal with **** better than others. but it would behoove you to stop classifying things, and people as right, wrong, good bad, evil, good.


Good and EVil, Bad and good, right and wrong, are terms that people use to rile up pawns and get them to think emotionally about certain things. Marriage is BAD, marriage is GREAT, both are just as wrong. Marriage can be good or it can be bad depending on the certain sides of the marriage, the reasons of getting married and so on and so forth. The man who shuns marriage for the sake of shunning marriage, is just as stupid as the guy whose sole goal is to get married. It's a case by case scenario in which it can be prudent to marry the correct woman, or it can be a disaster in marrying the wrong woman. I have found a woman, that I think it is prudent to marry for reasons I have exhausted here at length.

 

[KarmaSutra]

-for a woman the most important factor in a relationship is what is happening now. The fact that you as a father put a daughter through education, supported her for a lifetime etc often means very little to her if she feels you have done something wrong in the immediate. Emotionally she will not care about your history. It is the same in marriage, for the most part the great things you have done in the past will not be as valued by her as you value them as a man. That is also why women can commonly leave relationships more easily, and also why as a man you are almost always in a form of trial or only as good as your last move effectively. So the fact that you worked hard for 10 years buying a house for her means nothing if in the last 10 minutes you looked at the female serving the drinks a little too long.

You will never change this nature in women, but if you consider just these two you will understand why it is so difficult for a man and a woman to stay happily together over a very long period of time, particularly in a marriage situation, because it effectively leaves the man somewhat powerless in the relationship once children have come along.

Walmart is 100% correct.

 

[Slickster]

Still waiting for Slickster to say if his wife had other sexual partners prior to meeting him.. I'm guessing she has

Wife was not a virgin. She is pretty unique though.

 

[Slickster]

I've been thinking and I've come up with the only reason men should ever get married. And that is if they can get a woman who is way, waaaaay, out of their league. I'm talking a thin, big-tittied, stunningly beautiful, 6-foot blonde with a rich dad and an estate in the Hamptons.

THAT, to me, is someone I'd marry. Someone who is so out of my league that people would take me aside and whisper, "How the F*CK did you get her to marry you??" I mean, if the girl you're marrying doesn't tremendously raise your social status, why would you marry her? Doesn't make any sense to me. I just don't understand.

I was at a wedding last month and watched a guy do exactly what you are describing above. It was obvious that the two of them didn't have a strong connection. Concensus amongst friends was it was never going to work. I spoke with his father and even he said he was worried that his son was getting drawn into the money and status of his new family.

It was one of the most pitiful things I've ever seen. No surprise the guy is an aspiring actor.


You sound like Shallow Hal, Zarky.

Don't get married ever.