Victory Unlimited
Master Don Juan
Troops…
It has been my observation, as well as my experience, that any form of worthwhile commitment that one makes-------is a serious undertaking. The idea of “committing” to anything, has imbedded within it the presupposition of honor. And when I say “honor”, I don’t mean it in the more esoteric, nebulous, or nondescript sense.
No, when I speak of honor, I think of terms that are closely related to it like trust, faith, and a dependability borne of a kinship, a brotherhood-----or in the case of man/woman relationships-------UNITY.
And when I speak of “unity”, once again, I speak of it NOT in terms of one personality abdicating his or her will to that of the other, but rather, TWO personalities finding and recognizing within each other a COMMONALITY, a COHESIVENESS of core beliefs, and a DESIRE to achieve “something” TOGETHER that the two of them would be hard-pressed to accomplish alone.
There is a Biblical passage that asks the question “Can two walk together UNLESS they be in AGREEMENT?” And the answer to this hypothetical question is of course “no”. Likewise, there is a similar passage that states that “A threefold cord is not EASILY broken.” Though there may be many interpretations of this statement, for the sake of addressing the subject at hand: MARRIAGE, one possible interpretation of it is THIS:
Between a man and a woman, in order for them to bond----in order for them become interdependent upon each other, there MUST be something between them that acts as the glue, the adhesive, or the link that holds them together. Before I continue, note my use of the word “interdependent” instead of “independent” (which is worse) or “co-dependent” (which is WORSER still).
On sites like this one------our beloved So Suave, MUCH is bandied about on the subject of a man being able to stand alone, or a man being free from the control of a woman, or societal pressures, etc. etc. ad nauseum-------and this is fine. What’s at issue here BEYOND the merits or lack thereof of a legally binding piece of paper or the underlying power struggle between the sexes is the NATURAL and NORMAL and HEALTHY desire for a man and woman to BOND with each other.
What we should keep in mind here is that co-dependence leads to an unhealthy attachment and independence CAN lead to “no” attachment. Neither of these is a good option for a man who is open, willing, and ABLE to form a healthy attachment with a woman if he so chooses. Sometimes, in our effort to fight our way free from “outside” controlling forces in our lives, we can run the risk of going TOO FAR and fight ourselves OUT of “enjoying” the fruits of our newfound freedom.
We must understand that when we have effectively accomplished our mission------when we have become emotionally intact, financially healthy, physically able, and spiritually “in tune”-------we have arrived at the perfect place to make our decisions from a position of STRENGH and not weakness.
As I have said before, fear can be as powerful a motivator as faith, but FEAR usually drives us AWAY from our happiness while faith in possibilities drive us TOWARDS our ultimate growth and fulfillment. In life, there are no guarantees. If a man chooses to marry, bond with, or commit to a woman-----and he chooses to do so with a clear mind, a clear conscience, and a competent base of knowledge------then he should be able to do so without SHAME.
And the opposite is true as well. If a man chooses NOT to marry, bond with, or commit to a woman---------and he chooses to do so with a clear mind, a clear conscience, and a competent base of knowledge-----then HE should also be able to do so without shame.
There is HONOR in either decision. However, ANY decision a man makes from a place of FEAR, shame, societal pressure, or LACK of knowledge is usually a BAD one-------the majority of the time. When a man does all he can to protect his tangible and intangible assets from the ravages of a possible breakup or divorce-----yet he really WANTS to commit to a particular woman and chooses NOT to out of fear, then does he REALLY win in the end?
I’m not sure exactly WHAT the answer to that question is. Each man reading this must answer that question silently to himself-----and decide if he’s COMFORTABLE with that answer.
Regardless, I suspect that the truth is:
Any man who lives his life in fear that any woman he dares to trust will one day destroy his life can NEVER really fully love that woman if she ever does ENTER his life------thus setting in motion events that could very well bring about the fulfillment of a disappointing self-prophecy.
As men, we each must decide what’s really going on inside of us when it comes to FULLY deciding to bond with ONE woman who has PROVEN she might actually be WORTH such an honor. We must determine are we more motivated by love and faith or hate and fear. We must decide whether or not to live a life where we fully bridle ourselves emotionally or open up enough to allow ourselves to connect with this other person on a deeper, more meaningful level.
A major step in this direction is taken when that man and woman can look at each other BEYOND the orgasms and materialisms and STILL see GREAT value in the other. But in this generation of selfishness ABOVE ALL----fewer and fewer of us seem to have what it takes on the inside to accomplish this.
Some would argue that our parents and grandparents were able to do this because they were made of “sterner stuff”-------but I disagree.
It is my opinion that they simply BELIEVED in “sterner stuff”.
THIS is what I have come to recognize as the 3rd fold in that “threefold” cord I mentioned earlier.
A shared Belief System.
In closing, I’ll just say that this has been both my experience and my observation:
Any man or woman who does not seek to hold himself or herself accountable to either a higher principle of morality, a higher standard of ethics, or a higher spiritual power-------CANNOT ever successfully achieve a peaceful, respectful, mutually satisfying, LONG TERM, monogamous relationship…or MARRIAGE (as defined by it’s most traditional, widespread definition).
Much Respect to you all.
VU
It has been my observation, as well as my experience, that any form of worthwhile commitment that one makes-------is a serious undertaking. The idea of “committing” to anything, has imbedded within it the presupposition of honor. And when I say “honor”, I don’t mean it in the more esoteric, nebulous, or nondescript sense.
No, when I speak of honor, I think of terms that are closely related to it like trust, faith, and a dependability borne of a kinship, a brotherhood-----or in the case of man/woman relationships-------UNITY.
And when I speak of “unity”, once again, I speak of it NOT in terms of one personality abdicating his or her will to that of the other, but rather, TWO personalities finding and recognizing within each other a COMMONALITY, a COHESIVENESS of core beliefs, and a DESIRE to achieve “something” TOGETHER that the two of them would be hard-pressed to accomplish alone.
There is a Biblical passage that asks the question “Can two walk together UNLESS they be in AGREEMENT?” And the answer to this hypothetical question is of course “no”. Likewise, there is a similar passage that states that “A threefold cord is not EASILY broken.” Though there may be many interpretations of this statement, for the sake of addressing the subject at hand: MARRIAGE, one possible interpretation of it is THIS:
Between a man and a woman, in order for them to bond----in order for them become interdependent upon each other, there MUST be something between them that acts as the glue, the adhesive, or the link that holds them together. Before I continue, note my use of the word “interdependent” instead of “independent” (which is worse) or “co-dependent” (which is WORSER still).
On sites like this one------our beloved So Suave, MUCH is bandied about on the subject of a man being able to stand alone, or a man being free from the control of a woman, or societal pressures, etc. etc. ad nauseum-------and this is fine. What’s at issue here BEYOND the merits or lack thereof of a legally binding piece of paper or the underlying power struggle between the sexes is the NATURAL and NORMAL and HEALTHY desire for a man and woman to BOND with each other.
What we should keep in mind here is that co-dependence leads to an unhealthy attachment and independence CAN lead to “no” attachment. Neither of these is a good option for a man who is open, willing, and ABLE to form a healthy attachment with a woman if he so chooses. Sometimes, in our effort to fight our way free from “outside” controlling forces in our lives, we can run the risk of going TOO FAR and fight ourselves OUT of “enjoying” the fruits of our newfound freedom.
We must understand that when we have effectively accomplished our mission------when we have become emotionally intact, financially healthy, physically able, and spiritually “in tune”-------we have arrived at the perfect place to make our decisions from a position of STRENGH and not weakness.
As I have said before, fear can be as powerful a motivator as faith, but FEAR usually drives us AWAY from our happiness while faith in possibilities drive us TOWARDS our ultimate growth and fulfillment. In life, there are no guarantees. If a man chooses to marry, bond with, or commit to a woman-----and he chooses to do so with a clear mind, a clear conscience, and a competent base of knowledge------then he should be able to do so without SHAME.
And the opposite is true as well. If a man chooses NOT to marry, bond with, or commit to a woman---------and he chooses to do so with a clear mind, a clear conscience, and a competent base of knowledge-----then HE should also be able to do so without shame.
There is HONOR in either decision. However, ANY decision a man makes from a place of FEAR, shame, societal pressure, or LACK of knowledge is usually a BAD one-------the majority of the time. When a man does all he can to protect his tangible and intangible assets from the ravages of a possible breakup or divorce-----yet he really WANTS to commit to a particular woman and chooses NOT to out of fear, then does he REALLY win in the end?
I’m not sure exactly WHAT the answer to that question is. Each man reading this must answer that question silently to himself-----and decide if he’s COMFORTABLE with that answer.
Regardless, I suspect that the truth is:
Any man who lives his life in fear that any woman he dares to trust will one day destroy his life can NEVER really fully love that woman if she ever does ENTER his life------thus setting in motion events that could very well bring about the fulfillment of a disappointing self-prophecy.
As men, we each must decide what’s really going on inside of us when it comes to FULLY deciding to bond with ONE woman who has PROVEN she might actually be WORTH such an honor. We must determine are we more motivated by love and faith or hate and fear. We must decide whether or not to live a life where we fully bridle ourselves emotionally or open up enough to allow ourselves to connect with this other person on a deeper, more meaningful level.
A major step in this direction is taken when that man and woman can look at each other BEYOND the orgasms and materialisms and STILL see GREAT value in the other. But in this generation of selfishness ABOVE ALL----fewer and fewer of us seem to have what it takes on the inside to accomplish this.
Some would argue that our parents and grandparents were able to do this because they were made of “sterner stuff”-------but I disagree.
It is my opinion that they simply BELIEVED in “sterner stuff”.
THIS is what I have come to recognize as the 3rd fold in that “threefold” cord I mentioned earlier.
A shared Belief System.
In closing, I’ll just say that this has been both my experience and my observation:
Any man or woman who does not seek to hold himself or herself accountable to either a higher principle of morality, a higher standard of ethics, or a higher spiritual power-------CANNOT ever successfully achieve a peaceful, respectful, mutually satisfying, LONG TERM, monogamous relationship…or MARRIAGE (as defined by it’s most traditional, widespread definition).
Much Respect to you all.
VU
