My Support Thread... Help me get over x , TY

[feelingloved]

These are some excellent/astute observations on reality.

Giving and update. There has been no contact. I've have received some calls and hang ups. But nothing for sure.

I went to a bar with friends from frisbee, for a birthday. It sure makes a difference when you work out. I'm getting attention easily. I think its the fastest way to improve your perceived value.

I played up some girls in the group, hair pulling teasing, etc. I had a (stranger) girl come talk to me about my unique shirt for 5min. The waitress was touching.

I kissed one of the girls in the group, and left her wanting more, with much indifference on my part. She was nice, and I played mean. It was a fun time for all.

The guys in the group were true friends, talking up my qualities while I was gone, to my deep appreciation and surprise. I carefully consulted with these friends, and watched their eyes to be sure I was not stepping on any of their toes. I did not need/want any of these girls to a great degree, and I wanted to ensure I was not encroaching on their interests.

I'm still studying this site and all the wisdom that has been selflessly offered for meek souls in despair like I. I look forward to the day of returning the favor back to the community. Talk with you later,..

 

[feelingloved]

OK I spent this morning with my X "T". Then finally my X "C" called. I was expecting a call from someone else otherwise I would not have picked up.

here is the convo as best I can relay.

her: its "C". Don't mind my voice I have strep.
me, I pretended it was someone else jokingly that I had met with a similar name last night.
her kind of laughing: no "C".. kinda close.
her: I'm ready to pick up the CDs, are you going to be there.
me: no. You have the keys, just come and get them.
her: I don't have the keys. Maybe my friend does.
me: thats like $50.
her: I will ask her, otherwise I will give you $50.
me: I will just drop your CDs off at your brothers.
her: OK I will give you his number. Hows the cats.
me, I ignore: OK whats the number.
her: Hows the cats.
me I ignore again.
her: don't be mean.
me: your just making small talk.
her: when are you going to call him. This week?
me: maybe.
her: well I really want them.
me: its not like you are dying without them.
her: well I kinda am.
me: well you have my rocks.
her: I have them, are you going to be in later tonight.
me: no I am going to a wedding.
her: well I want to meet you to give them to you. I don't come in the city often. I am going to be in on the 24th, so pencil me in for then.
me I laugh: thats a long way away.
We kind of hung up after that. I could hear her guy in the background.

I'm not going to call her brother. I am not going to call her. I am going to continue working on my physique and getting my life in order, dating others, perusing some interesting hobbies. I am going to put the 24th out of my mind. I am not going to avoid it, but I am not going to mention my rocks or keys or anything either. I don't need anything from her. I don't need anything to do with her. She's kinda a useless girl with issues, and there are tons of girls as good looking as her.

She was below average in bed. Outside of bed she did little for me for many months. I did enjoy loving her and knowing she was committed to me an honoring me... but those have been stabbed through the heart. So she really has nothing else to offer. There is not much that she is really good at that would benefit my life in a meaningful way.

It feels good when I don't call, and then she calls me...
for what its worth. I kinda brushed her off, and she took it... maybe liked it. Its just my perspective.

 

[feelingloved]

For anyone in my shoes, read this thread by a girl. She dumped a guy for being non-committal. He Nexted her. Three months later you can read her mindset.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=49819
Well my x immediately/concurrently found another guy; Mango claimed to not been with another guy; So its not an exact scenario match.

But it sure gives you an idea of their emotional/pattern of reactions, wants & desires.

The amazing part is where she thinks she is apologizing to her x, when she is in fact explaining why she dumped him AGAIN, without apology. My guess is she is after an ego boost. I think her email is hurtful and self serving. She is attempting to get attention from him (at least to LJBF), and make herself look better in his eyes.
Her email is a self-justification to absolve herself of her harsh behavior.

 

[KontrollerX]

LOL, its pretty funny seeing her take all that Sosuave punishment for her evil deeds.

Damn you find some entertaining threads feelingloved.

My take on her situation is she was just overreactive and immature which is why she ended up the way she ended up.

Oh well the only points in her favor was she was willing to take a beating on the DJ board ahahaha.

Too funny.

 

[feelingloved]

I've now read every thread on this forum that mentions ganji or returning fox. I've copied a ton of notes and turned them into mp3s using a text-to-speach app, for listening to on-the-go.
I guess next I will read the bible and the articles/tips here, as well as the books I bought.

I'm still working out hours a day, and studying investing courses. I'm joining volleyball (hopefully dodgeball) this month.

I guess I should change my online profile/attitude as I am not getting real dates from that.

I spent about $400 on supplements this month, and they are helping in body-building. I've realized the importance of being outstanding at some (any) thing. This is an area I think I can be outstanding in, fairly soon. The other areas of being a well rounded DJ will take me more time.

I'm getting a new necklace and watch to change my image to something "less nice". I'd really like to sell my 97 cavalier and get my 79 TA on the road... but I'm $4 in debt. So I guess its not going to be until next year.
Oh well, I guess there will always be a *next goal*, just out of reach.

I've been thinking about wisdom, philosophy, logic, as pertains to conversing women. From reading here, and reviewing my memories, I have a new hypothesis. The hypothesis is that its NEVER a good time to logically explain, help to understand, educate, or guide a woman's thinking.
I'm going to try to "never drop any wisdom on a girls ass at any time". I'm never going to show what I know on any topic. If ignorance is bliss, then any explanation is a joy killer.
I'm going to look for the "fun interaction" in every discussion with my GF, rather than the "answer".

I really think female do not care for intelligence or the qualities that lead to success and safety, "like wisdom, planning, phiosophy.... bla bla bla".

Intelligence, wisdom, knowledge in men is probably less attractive to women, than even child-rearing skills and singing-ability in a woman are attractive to a man. IE ok they are nice-to-have, but not at all essential-for or even involved-in attraction. I think they are actually a turn-off to women. (A female is probably more drawn to a man who is a success because of his environment, than a man who is a success due to his intelligence, hard-work, and careful planning. ...thats my view of the subject)

Women don't think long term. Actually they don't think short term, as we do either.

Can you think of any occasion where imparting wisdom to a woman, or explaining anything logically ... resulted in her being more attracted to you? I think women almost resent logic, and will work against it to prove you wrong, when you propose to know. I mean, generally when one group of people hates another group of people, its not so much for how they look... its because they "do things differently, and that drives people crazy mad with anger and venomous wishes for the other group to fail and look silly".

And I think women (who do things emotionally) harbor the same resentment, anger, and secret wish to see men fail, particularly those men who are logical, wise, conservative, careful, kind, studious, caring, balanced, serious, frugal ...(fill in the blank with any opposite of emotional/reactive).

So ... I'm just not going to convey those qualities, in discussions with my LTR woman any more. I'm just going to push-pull the emotions of conversations/interactions.

 

[Phyzzle]

I really think female do not care for intelligence or the qualities that lead to success and safety, "like wisdom, planning, phiosophy.... bla bla bla". . . . Can you think of any occasion where imparting wisdom to a woman, or explaining anything logically ... resulted in her being more attracted to you?

LOLZ, so true! I think you are coming up with some cutting realizations here.

I've copied a ton of notes and turned them into mp3s using a text-to-speach app, for listening to on-the-go.

Whoah, don't go hog wild reading too many of these forums. I've been guilty of this the past year for the fun of watching the drama (hey, I have no TV). But once you get the basics down, there's not much to learn.

Even when you get past the key-board-jockeys, even the real field reports are of limited value. Is a 23 year old San Diego club rat's latest theory about how he landed his ONS with a hispanic UCLA co-ed really going to help you out? A lot of these guys live in different worlds from you.

Just the Bible, those books, then RESOLVE to make 2 approaches a week. (some guys do 100.) Just see if you can take a stranger woman into a comfortable conversation in a few minutes.

 

[feelingloved]

The X just picked up her CDs and cooler.

She was in the city to help her younger brother buy clothes for school. Her BF was not here it seems; they drove her mother's car. She has never mentioned him directly the entire past couple of months.

There was no eye contact on her part, so I did not look at her for more than a second. She was here for only a minute. I played it cool, & unconcerned.
As far as I could tell she was not looking at me, and was not seeking attention or approval... so I did not look at her. I got no sign of any emotion from her, which is what bothered me; no guilt, no trying to impress, no suppressed memories stirring, no recognition even of who I was.

I turned my back on them after I handed them the cooler and CDs, to make some tea. They left.
I got nothing out of the interaction. It left me hollow.
There was no opportunity to joke, no opportunity to neg, no opportunity to turn her down.
Even her brother was reserved.

She didn't bring my items. She only picked up hers.
I called her just after she left the apartment to ask her, hey wheres my stuff. She started into some excuse, and how she will be in next week or something with them... and I just was like "whatever" and hung up on her. Then called my cousin to vent.

I guess there is nothing I can do but continue ignoring her. Ganji & Nexting are supposed to increase x's interest level. I saw no signs of that at all. I guess it didn't help that I had a bit of acne on the chin, and probably look a bit tired from work. I'm not sure if either of them noticed that I am bigger, better built.
I didn't see any reaction or recognition in their eyes and there was no reaction to me. I will just continue working out until, no one can look at me without saying "whoa is that guy EVER built!".

She "deliberately" mentioned she wanted the cooler for kayaking. Its maybe the only thing she mentioned during the interaction today, so it had to be deliberate. I guess she is still in the "hurting her x-bf" stage, as she knew I would be interested in kayaking... its something we wanted to do in our first month of dating, but never got around to.

She was looking good. So I guess she is into the third month of dating her new guy. From pictures of him I think he is an average guy in many ways. I wonder when her relationship infatuation will begin to wear off.

I wonder even when I have lot of money, and a fantastic body if it will change anything, in how she reacts to me. I'm trying to boil this attraction thing down and work on the things DJ style to make me more attractive. (I'm not so concerned with techniques and tricks for picking up women) I want to exude genuine alpha vibes, that are irresistible, from being a TRUE example of a DJ. I deserve that kind of happiness. We all do. I'm willing to do the work and make the concessions and sacrifices.

I guess these are the ingredients for attraction:

Nice car.
Nice cologne.
Fantastic clothes & accessories.
Interesting / adventurous social life.
Lots of friends.
Funny catching sense of humor.
An excess of money.
An outstanding body.
Sexual body language.
An attractive residence.
Social proof of females being interested.
A strong mindset towards qualifying a girl, rather than improving her.
Inner game of confidence and being the king of your own life.
A propensity towards perusing fun & novelty.
Character defined by authentic involvement in personal interests.

Is there anything else?
I'm guessing that thats all the ingredients there are.
Am I missing something here, or is it REALLY THAT simple, and THAT SHORT of a list?

Do you have any insights on what she may be feeling and going through?

I guess I have a lot of work to do, particularly in dating others. I'm kinda more interested in working on the other ingredients for attraction, though. I almost don't want to do anything with a girl one-one-one, or have her at my place. I'm not feeling that desire to do it right now. I'm more interested on working on me and what I feel are my shortcomings. Perhaps that is a big stumbling block. Its a feeling though. Maybe I guess I need to force my self to do what I don't feel like.

Thoughts, Anyone?

This kinda, really sucks right now. I'm hung up on her. A part of me wants to be. Typically a person doesn't WANT to change what they want.
My interest in her is self damaging. I can see that.
I need to keep my eye on how my actions and thoughts are standing in my own way of embracing happiness in other things I could be involved with.

I need to substitute my thoughts with other thoughts by re-directing my focus. I need to focus on activities that provide lower-hanging-fruit of enjoyment. I know I would enjoy going to a movie, just hanging with her, or kayaking. But that fruit seems so elusive.
I need to focus on something else that brings me a little bit of fun, and is easily obtained.

I do somewhat enjoy/appreciate my interaction with you, my brothers, at sosuave. So thank you for even just saying hello to me.

Maybe this weekend I will look at some stock/commodity charts. I will work on cleaning my car. I will print out some photos of frogs & salamanders, my totem animals. One night I will go to bar. OK thats my plan.

I guess I am using this thread like a journal. LOL, I feel like I am laying out my letters across this forum, like a blood stained trial of broken twigs and bent grass, left by a wounded animal crawling a long path, to reach a destination of rest, recuperation, and companionship.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Thoughts, Anyone?"

One thing you could do that may help feelingloved is draw up a goals list for your life and give yourself a timespan to accomplish some or all of them to keep your focus on the pressure to accomplish those goals rather than your ex.

Problem with this though is it seems you have most of the material goods that you want as you seem to be a pretty together guy in that area so you'll have to find a new goal that inspires you probably.

Also I want to recommend you a book I got today.

Its absolutely brilliant.

You can probably still get a copy from Amazon.com.

Its titled "The Manipulated Man" by Esther Vilar.

Its not a book about manipulation so much as it is a book about the way the world works that you may of never realized until reading it.

 

[feelingloved]

Francisco had a point #10 about authentic power, which has refocused my drive back on track http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=91924

KontrollerX, I added the book to my shopping cart. I REAALLY value "resource" recommendations, like yours, and do follow through with them. I have a passion for wisdom learning and improvement.

As for my last interaction today, I am going to tell myself that the reason she left so quickly was...
because her feelings for me are so strong, it was difficult to be around me, and she had to leave. I can believe that she was hurting.

 

[Phyzzle]

Ganji & Nexting are supposed to increase x's interest level. I saw no signs of that at all.

HAAA HA HAAA! That only works on ones who have a spark of interest.

Social proof? Letting her see you with a hot babe? Nada. None of that means anything when the interest is really gone.

I am going to tell myself that the reason she left so quickly was...
because her feelings for me are so strong, it was difficult to be around me, and she had to leave.

I could be mean here . . .

We'll give you another month moping time, but that's it. Fact is, you don't know how easy you have it. My last serious ex spread some sort of horrible rumor about me a year ago, after she lost interest for no apparent reason. I still don't know what the rumor was. No one I've ever met through my ex will make eye contact with me, let alone talk.

But, screw it, eh? Everyone else I've ever known in my life (exes included) are perfectly civil towards me. Obviously, I'm fine, and the problem is entirely hers. And zillions of guys end up in horrific divorces. So even I have it easy.

 

[##17]

She was in the city to help her younger brother buy clothes for school. Her BF was not here it seems; they drove her mother's car. She has never mentioned him directly the entire past couple of months.

There was no eye contact on her part, so I did not look at her for more than a second. She was here for only a minute. I played it cool, & unconcerned.
As far as I could tell she was not looking at me, and was not seeking attention or approval... so I did not look at her. I got no sign of any emotion from her, which is what bothered me; no guilt, no trying to impress, no suppressed memories stirring, no recognition even of who I was.

I turned my back on them after I handed them the cooler and CDs, to make some tea. They left.
I got nothing out of the interaction. It left me hollow.
There was no opportunity to joke, no opportunity to neg, no opportunity to turn her down.
Even her brother was reserved.

She didn't bring my items. She only picked up hers.
I called her just after she left the apartment to ask her, hey wheres my stuff. She started into some excuse, and how she will be in next week or something with them... and I just was like "whatever" and hung up on her. Then called my cousin to vent.

I guess there is nothing I can do but continue ignoring her. Ganji & Nexting are supposed to increase x's interest level. I saw no signs of that at all. I guess it didn't help that I had a bit of acne on the chin, and probably look a bit tired from work. I'm not sure if either of them noticed that I am bigger, better built.
I didn't see any reaction or recognition in their eyes and there was no reaction to me. I will just continue working out until, no one can look at me without saying "whoa is that guy EVER built!".

She "deliberately" mentioned she wanted the cooler for kayaking. Its maybe the only thing she mentioned during the interaction today, so it had to be deliberate. I guess she is still in the "hurting her x-bf" stage, as she knew I would be interested in kayaking... its something we wanted to do in our first month of dating, but never got around to.

She was looking good. So I guess she is into the third month of dating her new guy. From pictures of him I think he is an average guy in many ways. I wonder when her relationship infatuation will begin to wear off.

I wonder even when I have lot of money, and a fantastic body if it will change anything, in how she reacts to me. I'm trying to boil this attraction thing down and work on the things DJ style to make me more attractive. (I'm not so concerned with techniques and tricks for picking up women) I want to exude genuine alpha vibes, that are irresistible, from being a TRUE example of a DJ. I deserve that kind of happiness. We all do. I'm willing to do the work and make the concessions and sacrifices.

I guess these are the ingredients for attraction:

Nice car.
Nice cologne.
Fantastic clothes & accessories.
Interesting / adventurous social life.
Lots of friends.
Funny catching sense of humor.
An excess of money.
An outstanding body.
Sexual body language.
An attractive residence.
Social proof of females being interested.
A strong mindset towards qualifying a girl, rather than improving her.
Inner game of confidence and being the king of your own life.
A propensity towards perusing fun & novelty.
Character defined by authentic involvement in personal interests.

Is there anything else?
I'm guessing that thats all the ingredients there are.
Am I missing something here, or is it REALLY THAT simple, and THAT SHORT of a list?

Do you have any insights on what she may be feeling and going through?

I guess I have a lot of work to do, particularly in dating others. I'm kinda more interested in working on the other ingredients for attraction, though. I almost don't want to do anything with a girl one-one-one, or have her at my place. I'm not feeling that desire to do it right now. I'm more interested on working on me and what I feel are my shortcomings. Perhaps that is a big stumbling block. Its a feeling though. Maybe I guess I need to force my self to do what I don't feel like.

Thoughts, Anyone?

This kinda, really sucks right now. I'm hung up on her. A part of me wants to be. Typically a person doesn't WANT to change what they want.
My interest in her is self damaging. I can see that.
I need to keep my eye on how my actions and thoughts are standing in my own way of embracing happiness in other things I could be involved with.

I need to substitute my thoughts with other thoughts by re-directing my focus. I need to focus on activities that provide lower-hanging-fruit of enjoyment. I know I would enjoy going to a movie, just hanging with her, or kayaking. But that fruit seems so elusive.
I need to focus on something else that brings me a little bit of fun, and is easily obtained.

I do somewhat enjoy/appreciate my interaction with you, my brothers, at sosuave. So thank you for even just saying hello to me.

Maybe this weekend I will look at some stock/commodity charts. I will work on cleaning my car. I will print out some photos of frogs & salamanders, my totem animals. One night I will go to bar. OK thats my plan.

I guess I am using this thread like a journal. LOL, I feel like I am laying out my letters across this forum, like a blood stained trial of broken twigs and bent grass, left by a wounded animal crawling a long path, to reach a destination of rest, recuperation, and companionship.

You'll know you're moving in the right direction when you're no longer writing these novels about your every encounter with her.

This is a bit of insight someone gave me a while ago, and it helped me enourmously. It's not so much what happens to you that counts, it's more how you handle it. How can you expand your power as a mature man whom women want to be around when you're emoting and overanalysizing things like a chick?

I'm not knocking you completely. You saw her again, its totally natural to feel emotional pain. It only means you're human. But instead of just accepting it and dealing with it privately, you kind of seem to be wallowing in it, at least that is how it seems to me.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It's not so much what happens to you that counts, it's more how you handle it.

That's what they teach in rehab. Two people can have the same life, and one will be miserable, while the other will be happy.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Now if I can only take my own advice.

My recent ex has a new bf, she just changed her facebook relationship status and put up pics of the two of them on her myspace. I am right with you, maybe a little behind. My ex is younger and immature like yours. I hope knowing that she now has someone else will help to give me the closure that I never got. This is the chick who gave me an std, then denied having it. I know she must not have told the new guy, so at least I do get to enjoy wondering if he will get her vd, too, but that is their problem.

Anyway, I feel your pain. Stupid women. I think the younger ones get through our defenses more easily, because they fall into infatuation so easily. When a girl is in that state, she idolizes you. Literally, you can do no wrong. She tell you she loves you ten times a day for months, if not years. I keep up a good defense with my ex, but unfortunately I eventually fell in love with her, I think because I confused her infatuation with love. So the next time I get a new one eating out of my hand, I have to remember that it is just infatuation. This is hard when the girl might be constantly planning your life together and gushing about her undying devotion. But it's just immature girlish silliness, and it will be gone the moment that she does not like the way we make her feel.

 

[feelingloved]

Ya BB. I'm still here. I'm going through the DJ bible. No real dating yet. I got the worst case of acne of my life right now, so I'm not heading to bars. And if my x was knocking on my door I would not answer.

Tip: I found a mix of oils has helped tremendously. 1 part coconut oil, 7 parts castor oil... add topically goldenrod essential oil and rosemary essential oil.

Now this is not any ordinary acne. Its either something like scabies or some flesh eating staph disease I picked up at the medical facility I work near. Or maybe I picked it up at frisbee. Its very slow to heal, and seems to spread.

So not having the option to meet women right now, or see my x... has liberated me from the desire to do so. Divinity works in mysterious ways, for our benefit.

The girl I dated was like you describe. Someone here said "The problem with dating women under 25, which seems to be the goal for many men of all age groups, is that one will have to contend with the image-seeking behavior of youth."

I think this is so true. She is spiritually retarded, and primarily interested in appearances of all kinds. So I am improving myself primarily in that area. It will be my main focus for the next 6 months or so.

I'm working out and taking supplements like I'm training for Mr. Olympia, about 3 hours daily. In about a month I will surpass the body I had when I was 20. Perhaps all this working out has caused this acne.

One challenge I have is that I have found myself frequently carrying on conversations in my head with her. You know.. what you could have said, what you would say if she said certain things to you today, things you would like her to understand/feel.

So I used a certain mind visualization to end it. I set up "call forwarding" in my head. Any time I hear her voice, or a dialog starting in my head, I have an automated system forward the call to God. He can handle it. The humorous thing is when I first implemented this, she became a stalker/harasser with frantic calls coming every 2 seconds to my mind. Ya it sounds bizarre.

I didn't get closure either. I think it can't be done. There just wont be. The closest for me will be when I *know* I look better than her (looks being her only significant feature of attraction to-and-from others).

Its 2 months now since I found them in bed together.
I've not called since then, only returned a few calls to arrange to exchange possessions.
So I kinda wonder what is going on with them, in terms of her happiness, infatuation-depression, relationship-fatigue, boredom. I guess newness is supposed to wear off after 3-12 months.

Any ways, I am still here moving forward. ##17 is right to say what he does.
Though posting to this forum is a release for me, that allows me to transfer my thoughts, spirit & emotion out of my body to an external vessel. Its like if you write a phone number down, you don't have to keep it in your mind any more. It releases me from thinking about it, and allows me to benefit from the minds of others... who have already solved or are in the process of solving the same dilema(s).

 

[##17]

Ya BB. I'm still here. I'm going through the DJ bible. No real dating yet. I got the worst case of acne of my life right now, so I'm not heading to bars. And if my x was knocking on my door I would not answer.

Tip: I found a mix of oils has helped tremendously. 1 part coconut oil, 7 parts castor oil... add topically goldenrod essential oil and rosemary essential oil.

Now this is not any ordinary acne. Its either something like scabies or some flesh eating staph disease I picked up at the medical facility I work near. Or maybe I picked it up at frisbee. Its very slow to heal, and seems to spread.

So not having the option to meet women right now, or see my x... has liberated me from the desire to do so. Divinity works in mysterious ways, for our benefit.

The girl I dated was like you describe. Someone here said "The problem with dating women under 25, which seems to be the goal for many men of all age groups, is that one will have to contend with the image-seeking behavior of youth."

I think this is so true. She is spiritually retarded, and primarily interested in appearances of all kinds. So I am improving myself primarily in that area. It will be my main focus for the next 6 months or so.

I'm working out and taking supplements like I'm training for Mr. Olympia, about 3 hours daily. In about a month I will surpass the body I had when I was 20. Perhaps all this working out has caused this acne.

One challenge I have is that I have found myself frequently carrying on conversations in my head with her. You know.. what you could have said, what you would say if she said certain things to you today, things you would like her to understand/feel.

So I used a certain mind visualization to end it. I set up "call forwarding" in my head. Any time I hear her voice, or a dialog starting in my head, I have an automated system forward the call to God. He can handle it. The humorous thing is when I first implemented this, she became a stalker/harasser with frantic calls coming every 2 seconds to my mind. Ya it sounds bizarre.

I didn't get closure either. I think it can't be done. There just wont be. The closest for me will be when I *know* I look better than her (looks being her only significant feature of attraction to-and-from others).

Its 2 months now since I found them in bed together.
I've not called since then, only returned a few calls to arrange to exchange possessions.
So I kinda wonder what is going on with them, in terms of her happiness, infatuation-depression, relationship-fatigue, boredom. I guess newness is supposed to wear off after 3-12 months.

Any ways, I am still here moving forward. ##17 is right to say what he does.
Though posting to this forum is a release for me, that allows me to transfer my thoughts, spirit & emotion out of my body to an external vessel. Its like if you write a phone number down, you don't have to keep it in your mind any more. It releases me from thinking about it, and allows me to benefit from the minds of others... who have already solved or are in the process of solving the same dilema(s).

I hope I wasnt too hard on you. Breakups do suck, especially when you keep getting exposed to the person over and over. Anyway, good for you for moving forward.

I'll definitely repeat what I said before about being consistent. If anyone asks how you are, you're fine. Seriously, talking too much about it is only going to confuse your subconscious--what your subconscious craves more than anything is CONSISTENCY, and if you're really moving on, its going to wonder why you keep talking about her...

 

[feelingloved]

Ya. The subconscious does work that way.
I was considering calling her and saying
"You said you were going to bring my *items* this week, and now you've proven yourself a liar, again."

Now I don't need these items. I've written them off in my mind. But I don't think I am being the man by letting her get away with her lying to me and procrastinating, and keeping me in the dark, without me saying anything. She's been doing it for months.

Following me finding them in bed together after the "so called" all girls BBQ, I told her "at least my other Xs were honest". She replied that she was honest. Either she believes that, or *wants to* convey/believe that.

So should I call her on her lies now, or let her walk over me again. Or is there a third-path you suggest I take?

 

[##17]

Ya. The subconscious does work that way.
I was considering calling her and saying
"You said you were going to bring my *items* this week, and now you've proven yourself a liar, again."

Now I don't need these items. I've written them off in my mind. But I don't think I am being the man by letting her get away with her lying to me and procrastinating, and keeping me in the dark, without me saying anything. She's been doing it for months.

Following me finding them in bed together after the "so called" all girls BBQ, I told her "at least my other Xs were honest". She replied that she was honest. Either she believes that, or *wants to* convey/believe that.

So should I call her on her lies now, or let her walk over me again. Or is there a third-path you suggest I take?

Who cares about her lies? You dont, you just want your stuff back.

 

[feelingloved]

OK. I see.

Calling her would in essence reward her bad behavior with my attention, training her backwards.
Challenging her lies would put me in the "fixing her" beta role, rather than the "qualifying her" alpha NEXTing role.
It would also make her think I was thinking about her, sitting at home with nothing better to do, and let her know she has a string of manipulation over me.

I will not break my silence.

 

[feelingloved]

Well she contacted me on MSN today, saying she is bringing my items tomorrow. After a 1/2 hour delay, I replied OK. End of convo.

Here are some late night thoughts.

I've been thinking about Lot lately. Lot is a man in the bible who had outstanding love for God. Satan talked with God and said, "Your man Lot there loves you because you reward him so richly. Take away all those blessings and see how grateful he is then."

God said, "Satan do what you want with him, but do not kill him." This was a test of Lot to prove Satan wrong. Well as the epic unfolds, almost all was stripped from Lot. Lot lost his children, livestock, wife, riches, health, and friends. Ever a lover of life, Lot remained grateful for what he did have. When the test had progressed far enough, God rewarded Lot with blessing far surpassing what he had before.

So my x, my lost love, wants to return my items tomorrow. And here I am face contending with boils, not much of a social life going on. I'm not dating anyone at all. My apartment is a mess right now. These are not really the environments, under which I want to see my x for possibly the last time. Wondering what to do.

So I am laying on my bed, with neem oil, castor oil, coconut oil, and various essential oils dabbed on my marks. I've got some hypnosis-improvement music on. I'm got an electrical-muscle-stimulator hooked up to my legs. I'm holding a heat lamp to my face to sweat the glands out. Incidentally I think the welts and acne may be caused by the splenda sweetener in the supplements I am taking. I'll discontinue that.

Earlier tonight my X changed her facebook profile to specify her relationship with this golf dude, and the things he has done for her.

So I am lying there and I transcend a concept.
I gradually realized "I don't have to meet her tomorrow".

I don't have to meet her anytime. I don't want to meet her tomorrow. I won't. I won't. I will not.

I can avoid her calls. I can avoid all contact. I don't care the consequences. I will be alright. Some guy probably got attacked by a shark today, and I am sweating over my x and some boils I am getting over.
Things will alright. And on the "other side of now" things will probably be pretty damn fine, if God wills it.

I'm going to stop looking at her facebook.

Maybe in 11 months.

 

[penkitten]

this is the longest break up thread ever.