My Support Thread... Help me get over x , TY

[Bible_Belt]

I've been thinking about Lot lately. Lot is a man in the bible who had outstanding love for God. Satan talked with God and said, "Your man Lot there loves you because you reward him so richly. Take away all those blessings and see how grateful he is then."

Not to poke you when you're down, but that was Job, not Lot.

The trap we are in here is trying to compete with the ex to get someone new. Of course women can always move on faster. They will even judge you as a loser for not having another girl yet, but the trap here is in judging yourself on the basis of current progress with women, letting someone else define you. We have to be happy without women before we can be happy with one.

Good job on the working out. I have not been able to muster much motivation.

 

[feelingloved]

BB thanks for the correction. Anyways she has not contacted me about the items today. So the saga continues. I'm gonna get some rest.

 

[PTC]

this is the longest break up thread ever.

Even longer than mine!!!! :crazy:


Wait,... I can't believe I just said that :crackup: :crackup:

 

[Interceptor]

I feel one of the best notions one can use in these situations is just "to be your own best friend."

Be gentle and kind to yourself, and adapt a mindset of forgiveness for your own mistakes and for the person that didn't have the maturity, intelligence, class, and the tools to treat you the way you ned to be treated.
Have forgiveness for them too.

We'll meet a LOT of peoeple like that. And if we continue to hold on to a memory and resentment, we will all be wallking around like these miserable hunchbacks.
It is simply too much pain and worry to humanly carry.

You are not, and never were, expected to take on that much suffering.

To think that somehow it is noble or it does some good to you to carry the pain every day, month after month, for years is to not recognize your TRUE reality and worth.

When Pook said something about men looking for the "dream girl" so they can have both the "dream" and "the girl", but by SACRIFING our own dreams, is perhaps the MAJOR factor in the quality of the breakup. In other words, the more you have made this perfectly human, mortal, and fallible female your "dream girl", the much harder your fall will be when/if the breakup occurs.


For you will be lost, without the dream...and without the girl...and without your identity, and without your soul...and without your goals, ambitions, drive, and recognition of your true spiritual worth.

Why do you think so many men say they feel "dead inside"??


To truly love another you must love yourSELF first.

Otherwise, you are in an ego basking glory that is temporary. That is not true love, it is a form of drug induced narcissitic head trip.
She give you feelings you cannot give yourself.

Take away the girl, the feelings are gone, and you are NOTHING.

YOU REALIZE YOU ARE NOTHING...again.


Now tell me...

Who here truly feels they are NOTHING?

If you do, then you cannot be "in love".

If you don't, then you must beguided with compassion not only for the relationship, which could end at the drop of a hat, but for youSELF, and the Girl who may not have the maturity, the understanding of true LOVE, and she lacks the tools to give you what you need.
Compassion.
And Forgiveness.


LEANR THESE LESSOONS BEFORE YOU GET INVOLVED.

Try not to beat yuourself up.
But don't be so stubborn that you continue repeating the misery and needless self flagellation.
You've gone through that Karma.

Why go through it again and again?

Do you simply enjoy the pain???
Sure. VU sadi something that once we get into the deeper understanding, the deepest spiritual and primal principles of our consciousness in this WAr, we lose some of the passion.
Perhaps passion is not the righth word, per se. BUt he is right that unfortunately, in a way, the highs are NOT as "high" as before, but the Lows are not as "Low" as before.

We become accustomed to less peaks and valleys. And true, I for one, while still believe in Love, and the true Femenine nature of women, do not feel that 'radiance" that I used to feel coming from women a long, long time ago.
We have become, those of us who aspire the lifestyle principles of DJ, a bit more wary, hardened, and less vulnerable. Some woudl say that we are colder.
this might very well be true.
I am not somehow proud of this though,.
And feel that I must temper this "coldness' with love , compassion, and forgiveness.
There are simply too many people who are not on my (or yours) Level.
I cannot condemne them or judge them for their ignorance and lack of enlightenment.
I woudl be hypocritical to do so.

let this be a lesson to those who are new, or recvering, or still fighting the Matrix's tentacles.

 

[feelingloved]

I give thanks, where thanks is due here, to you Interceptor.
Its been a couple weeks, and I've refrained from writing here, at the request of some in this thread.
There are things I could tell about, but haven't bothered to. There's not much new to say.
I'm getting through things day by day. My mind is broken it seems, and I am getting through it still.
I am standing on the DJ path, but my steps have stilled.
I am looking forward, but I need a respite.
In some ways I am alone. And it is here that I feel less so.

 

[jophil28]

I give thanks, where thanks is due here, to you Interceptor.
Its been a couple weeks, and I've refrained from writing here, at the request of some in this thread.
There are things I could tell about, but haven't bothered to. There's not much new to say.
I'm getting through things day by day. My mind is broken it seems, and I am getting through it still.
I am standing on the DJ path, but my steps have stilled.
I am looking forward, but I need a respite.
In some ways I am alone. And it is here that I feel less so.

Are you experiencing any anger YET ?

 

[feelingloved]

UMmmmmmmmm.
LOL.
Funny you ask.
Yes but no.
I was 20 once, so I understand what she has done.
I did it to someone else. So I can not be angry at that.
She is young, immature, clueless, selfish, stupid, lazy, and without any relationship skills.
Is that something to be angry about? Ahh no. Its my fault for letting love deceive me.
If she had died in a car accident, would I be angry; no.
I would question "God" and trust his path.
Now, similarly I have "lost her", but its not as permanent as death, but there is more anger there, I admit.
So what's the difference? Its that she is not seeing me the way I want to be seen. Is that her fault or mine? Right, the way she sees me is a product of my choices and environment and my good fortune. But similarly I can just tell myself, this is something God wanted me to experience. So how can I be angry.

I've been working out as though driven by a banshee. I spent another $800 on nutritional & sports supplements this month. I'm taking 6-oxo, to raise my testosterone. So I was going to attribute my flashes of anger to that.

I don't see anger as being productive. What's your take on it?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Its my fault for letting love deceive me.

yep. Foolish young girls are not to be taken seriously. I made the same mistake.

 

[feelingloved]

My mind has been going over some things she did the past year.
They are things which showed disrespect, or hurt the relationship value.
Its easier on my spirit to catagorize them as "she didn't love me". And if she didn't love me, I have lost nothing.
Just about every of the efforts she put in were towards things that would increase her bragging rights to her GF, as opposed to things that would make me feel better. IE buying me clothes, or dinner theatre.

 

[jophil28]

UMmmmmmmmm.
LOL.
I don't see anger as being productive. What's your take on it?

Christians are particularly wary of "anger " . However it needs to be said that anger per se is a feeling. Just a feeling .It is NOT behavior

What does anger mean - ?

It means that we feel abused , slighted. disrespected, played, manipulated or frustrated.. and so on. If we feel angry at someone who we perceive as having mistreated we then we need to 'read' this anger as an "alert' signal.
DO you go back for more. Do you attempt to 'negotiate' with your abuser.
My experience is this - If you FEEL abused ,you usually have been..

Anger is a WARNING not a sin or a defect of character. Anger is a FEELING -an emotional rspens.
The problem starts when we act on an angry impulse and seek revenge, retribution or adopt the "get even" mentality.

 

[Zero2]

A simple story

I followed your thread, following your story and have been reading your pathline since.

Im not stalking you, but then Im using this thread for my own healing management.

You see, feelingloved, I feel that Ill just share a bit of my own experience here, and hope I can reach out to you in spirit and in words.

Im 25 this year, and seriously, im no where near your looks, Im pretty fleshy, but good thing is im pretty tall, about 1.82 meters and a weight of about 102 kilograms, go figure, im an azn, so the calculation part nah, screw it.

I recently broken up with my gf recently, she is only 20, after finding out she didnt have a clean break with her ex bf and they were cheating behind my back... or rather, she USED me and cheat on her ex bf? Anyway I did the thing every DJ here would me do - I walked away and told her its over.

She pleaded with me and send me many msgs for me to return, my heart was aching, this was the girl i given my virginity to, not that its a big deal but I feel emotionally attached to her. But no contact and zero communication is REALLY needed for us men to move on.

If you find yourself talking about her stuff - cut ur energy. Do something else.
If you find a scent or perfume reminds u of her - MOVE.
If you find an item or object that contains her memory, - WALK
If you suddenly find yourself thinking of her - QUIT IT

finally, I tink im being brutal about this, but please do not musturbate thinking about the great sex you both had, wank off to other porn stars WITHOUT thinking a bit of her at all. I think this is really the critical part.. your penis is tied to her without you knowing.

You will then realise the difference in a week or so, just hoping you might want to try my method.. remember I really missed the sex and it just farking kills me when I thought of her in bed with her ex or some other guy, but I blanked it using so much techniques.

A simple technique for chakra or energy management is EFT, simple tapping.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6r7OZwhcqxY

Alot of people might be skeptical, but please read the comments of that video before you say anything, I was more like "yea its keep ur mind off stuff" but hey I tried it... and shyt.. it works.

Anyway the scary thing before I end is, the time you started your depression or breakup was the EXACT time I went through mine. Remember I was suicidal and wanted to die the first day when I broke up, until I decided enough is enough. Worst thing is, she is working in my workplace, I see her everyday. SHEESH.

I got through and healed probably a week or so, was wondering why this thread is still alive. In case ur wondering when do you know you got over it, it is when you can get thru a day without thinking of her at all, and you feel great. Let me know if you need more advises on how to curb the difficult parts like lethargy, proscatination or anything.

Good luck brother, healing is on the way once you stop touching yourself and thinking of her at the same time.

PS: Im probably missing out a great deal of information on what I did during my time and thoughts pattern, but Im typed this in a hurry and im on the way to work. Will revert if needed.

 

[feelingloved]

I know what you are saying. What the FK is wrong with me.
I thought this was supposed to get easier with time. But its like its harder not to call the past 2 days, particularly now.
I forced my self to call my cousin, then to post on this site instead of calling her right now.
I guess I was going to call her and ask her if she is happy. And then wtf I would say after that I don't know. Ahhh its so AFC.
Its not like sex with her is anything special. And she wasn't spectacular in other ways.
It just you know,
I LIKED to be with her. I LIKED to love her.
I LIKED the idea of THINKING I was being loved back.
I am asking myself, am I asking TOO much out of life?
Its like, am I not allowed to love?
I guess I can love, but there are DJ skills & qualities I just lack. So until I get those, and do a doppelganger shift of my life and personality, I guess this is what I get.
I mean I meet these sweet wonderful girls, then they morph. And sometimes I don't see it. I'm not sure what causes it. I seem to see a way here in the DJ culture to avoid that, and have a healthy LTR. I'm trying to figure it out, and apply and use that knowledge.
I think what causes this rift in my mind, inability to let go, is that its a pattern. If you hit your finger with the hammer, the tenth time you're like WTF. Right. Its not like you just did it once.
Plus also a girl going back to her previous BF is not the same as a having difficulties with your girl then finding her in bed someone she called a friend who she had been dating for the past 6+ months which you didn't know about. Its more reality shaking.
My reality. Its a state of shock. I'm not so angry. I'm stuck in a state of shock. Its an inability to accept reality, its so horrible. After an accident, there is a moment of disbelief before your mind can accept the reality of the damages, and the implications of the changes to your future this means, and the panicked hope to block out and minimalize the inevitable impending pain, the dimensions of which are unknown and fearful.
I am still mending my mind.

I guess I am not in the right mindset to call her. FK.
LOL.
You know, I'm thinking, if she is not happy, then maybe there is something I SHOULD be doing, in terms of communicating with her.
But if she is happy, and I am just typing away my life, then wtf am I doing.
Thanks friends. Hopefully some of us are learning something from this.

 

[feelingloved]

The ETF technique (tapping) was great.
I love stuff like that.
I have about 4-5 affirmation/hypnosis audio tracks I play while I sleep.
I'd like to finds some more, but am unsure what search engine to use. Perhaps I need to get on a bit torrent.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Its like, am I not allowed to love?

No, I don't think we are. I think that is part of being a man who maintains control of the relationship. I don't see how a continual willingness to walk away can be squared against the idea of romantic love as we commonly think of it. In an ltr as soon as you fall "in love" you lose your willingness to walk and the ltr is doomed from that point on.

 

[feelingloved]

I think getting experienced opinions on LTR success would be such a blessing. Comparatively, known working strategies for ONS are common here it seems, as the turn around between experiment then feedback is shorter.

Whats the odds, though, of some Guru dropping in this thread and saying "I was in a LTR for 12 years, the first 4 were like x, the second 4 I tried y, and the last 4 I used z... and here's the difference, and heres what you need to do."

I suspect it is OK to love, and show your love... if it is deserved and earned... and if ... big IF... you have your life together enough that you could replace her at the drop of a hat. I think it is more than willingness... social proof is the key ingredient in being able to prove you would potentially be better off if you left. That means having a desirable life, and social network.

I think Pook is right, in aiming at improving body and financial situation first. These are all things I am putting renewed & permanent focus on.

 

[PTC]

You know, I'm thinking, if she is not happy, then maybe there is something I SHOULD be doing, in terms of communicating with her.
But if she is happy, and I am just typing away my life, then wtf am I doing.
Thanks friends. Hopefully some of us are learning something from this.

Well I'm probably going to get flamed for this but I texted my ex about 2 weeks ago(the one that got back with her ex husband) and asked her if she was happy. She texted me back "What do you think" So I guess she's not. She said she got back together with him after I dumped her because they have a kid together and her best interest was with her kids. Then I asked her if she loved him and she replied" I will always love (the ex) but the passionate, I'm crazy for you love I had with you,..no." I think thats her way of trying to get me to be waiting under the wings and to be that tree to swing back to when her relationship with her husband fails again.

I know I'm crazy for even contacting her but there's a part of you, like you said, that wants to know what they are feeling. I don't regret my decision not one bit and I would never get back with her, ever, but it just so damn confusing how womens minds work and how and why they do the sh!t they do. It has been alot harder to wipe the sh!t off my shoe (as Rollo stated) because I have to see this chick and her kids every other day at my daughters school(small town!!) And then my little girl gets in the car when I pick her up from school and talks about her kids and ask when are we going to see (her) again. So yeah it's tough but I'm finally starting to see the daylight and have begun to see the old plate spinning PTC coming back.

I actually have a lunch date today with some chick i've known for a while and a running date with another girl tomorrow. Then I have another date next weekend with a diff chick,...sooooo things are looking good!! :rockon:

 

[Bible_Belt]

I think getting experienced opinions on LTR success would be such a blessing. Comparatively, known working strategies for ONS are common here it seems, as the turn around between experiment then feedback is shorter.

Whats the odds, though, of some Guru dropping in this thread and saying "I was in a LTR for 12 years, the first 4 were like x, the second 4 I tried y, and the last 4 I used z... and here's the difference, and heres what you need to do."

I suspect it is OK to love, and show your love... if it is deserved and earned... and if ... big IF... you have your life together enough that you could replace her at the drop of a hat. I think it is more than willingness... social proof is the key ingredient in being able to prove you would potentially be better off if you left. That means having a desirable life, and social network.

I think Pook is right, in aiming at improving body and financial situation first. These are all things I am putting renewed & permanent focus on.

I doubt if any of these gurus has had a 12-year relationship.

Pook said to pursue multiple women and as soon as you only go after one, then you will become AFC. But isn't being exclusive the 'serious' part of a 'serious ltr?' As soon as you commit to one girl, you become boring. It seems that the idea of being 'in love' in a ltr is a game for fools and women. The ltr is possible, but it has to be more of a sternly enforced agreement than love. "Meet my needs, or I'm outta here" seems to be the only way of keeping a ltr together. A woman has to think that you have one foot out the door to keep her on her best behavior. As soon as she thinks you are committed, loyal, and won't leave, then that is the begining of the end.

 

[Reyaj]

I doubt if any of these gurus has had a 12-year relationship.

Pook said to pursue multiple women and as soon as you only go after one, then you will become AFC. But isn't being exclusive the 'serious' part of a 'serious ltr?' As soon as you commit to one girl, you become boring. It seems that the idea of being 'in love' in a ltr is a game for fools and women. The ltr is possible, but it has to be more of a sternly enforced agreement than love. "Meet my needs, or I'm outta here" seems to be the only way of keeping a ltr together. A woman has to think that you have one foot out the door to keep her on her best behavior. As soon as she thinks you are committed, loyal, and won't leave, then that is the begining of the end.

BB following mantra like that will never have you at ease. Do you really believe you need to play games your whole life to keep an LTR?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Becoming at ease is usually my problem.

And I think 'mantra like that' is pretty much the essense of everything that is taught on this site. Women are all replaceable; dump them and replace them when they misbehave. It's the exact opposite of traditional ideas of love and romance.

Do you really believe you need to play games your whole life to keep an LTR?

I've been in LTRs since I was 16. All of them, including a 7-year marriage, have crashed and burned. At first I thought this was happening in spite of me being a nice, committed, loving guy. Now I think this happens because I became a nice, committed, loving guy. I have never dumped a girl in my life. Since obviously, I can't hold a relationship together by "being myself," then yes, games are definitely in order. I know this sounds a little jaded, but it's where I'm at right now.

 

[Reyaj]

Becoming at ease is usually my problem.

And I think 'mantra like that' is pretty much the essense of everything that is taught on this site. Women are all replaceable; dump them and replace them when they misbehave. It's the exact opposite of traditional ideas of love and romance.

Do you really believe you need to play games your whole life to keep an LTR?

I've been in LTRs since I was 16. All of them, including a 7-year marriage, have crashed and burned. At first I thought this was happening in spite of me being a nice, committed, loving guy. Now I think this happens because I became a nice, committed, loving guy. I have never dumped a girl in my life. Since obviously, I can't hold a relationship together by "being myself," then yes, games are definitely in order. I know this sounds a little jaded, but it's where I'm at right now.

I have come to the realization that the attraction and maintaining is a game. However I also have realized that I cannot be content to always be tactful. There has to be a point where you can relax. I'm not saying you become a supplicating AFC, but how can you truly be happy if you can't share your thoughts and insecurities with someone you love?