My story

[thissucks003]

Still, it's more than just his numbers. His GAME must be lacking something. He is probably about a 7 and 40 approaches with his looks should be enough to have landed at least ONE! Something's just not right here. This doesn't seem possible...

That or his personality/vibe must really suck. It reminds of the class nerd in my high school, who had the most annoying personality. He thought he was so cool that he was overly obnoxious so he would get some attention. Shockingly, he is now married. There is hope for you Invisibleman!

Hopefully this is not the case!

 

[Desdinova]

I think I bring honesty, respect, discipline, humor, and DIGNITY to the table. I run my own business and would make a good father figure. If women aren't interested in that, then we are all doomed.

No, we're not doomed. The trend of Single Mothers will just continue. Also, women have no clue what they want. All they know is when they feel attracted to a man. He could be a successful entrepeneur like yourself, or he could be a homeless bum. All logic goes out the window when a woman feels attraction.

Women find virginity, especially at your age, unattractive, and can you blame them? Their ideal man knows how to f*ck, and chances are you don't.

Nighthawk hit this nail on the head. Women love a man who knows his way around the female anatomy. The only way you can get good in bed with women is the same as everything else - practice makes perfect. When you finally have your first romp in bed with a woman, there's a very good chance that you'll find your inexperience causing problems. Don't worry, it happens to most men when they get their first lay.

For now, worry about approaching and getting dates. You can work on sex technique later.

 

[JackFromNY]

My Advice

Dude:

Welcome to the forum. I'm new here but I do have a lot of experience in these matters so here are a few tips for you.

A. STOP THINKING ABOUT BEING A VIRGIN AND HAVING TO GET LAID... Believe it or not, you are probably putting off a subconscious vibe that is repelling women. You need to forget about the fact that you are a 36 year old virgin and start looking at your strengths. You seem to be educated, good career, height, looks, etc. You have the framework, but lack the foundation.

B. START FOCUSING ON BUILDING A FOUNDATION... You should join a YMCA or local organization, Chamber of Commerce, etc. and start networking. Women judge men on many attributes, much more than we guys judge them. You need to start establishing a friend base, of guys. Now, you cannot come on too strong either. You just need to say something like, whats up man, and have a casual conversation. If you like sports, head out to a bar on Sunday and check out an NFL game. Thats a great way to practice your social skills. and get comfortable to talking to guys. Heck, its almost as hard talking to guys these days, as it is to women. So many guys are out there worried about getting hit on by a gay guy, that it has made it hard to make good guys friends. Just have a social face, have fun, and everntually you can start forming a clicke to hang out with.

C. THE FOUNDATION IS GOING UP... You need to relaxed. When you go out to a bar, you should be in the mindset of having a good time, watching stupid drunk chicks make asses outta themselves, and clueless guys being stupid. It's all about having fun, smiling, and being relaxed... Try smiling at a chick, and see what happens... Usually that cold, stone face, will evaporate. You need to think you are the ****. Walk around with a ****y grin. Eventually, you will start to get some sort of reaction

D. KEEP PROGRESSING & IMPROVING... There is no ceiling for personal improvement. The more interesting you are, the better your chances will be at being successful with women. You will fail. You will get hurt. But you will learn, and you will get better. Someday, you will be so good that you will be able to get any chick you want.

If you need any help. PM me

Jack

 

[grinder]

Most everyone has been extraordinarily nice to you thus far. You have no idea how big a rip you could be getting... Butt I digress.

I was a therapist in a former life for 14 years: I really think that a visit to a good psychologist/psychiatrist (can prescribe meds) is needed. I'm not being mean, but, lots of people have issues that an internet forum cannot EVER fix. Half of America is on some kind of drug to feel better. Can't hurt.

 

[Seduction_Files]

however you feel about yourself is the image you subconciously project to the world- even if you try to fake it like your confident-it'll show,it's obvious..it's best just to accpet yourself where you are at and work from there..Sh*t that's what i am trying to do!! :crackup:
trust me, if a sh*tbag like me can get girls...you can too! and you are way better off in other areas of your life then i am and have alot to be thankfull for.use what you got..

 

[Seduction_Files]

Invisible man,

You sound like a smart and level headed guy. You've got some self esteem and it sounds like you care about yourself from your posts (i.e. not lowering your standards to get a prostitute).

I don't post much on this site anymore because it makes women and dating so much harder than it really is. No one here needs endless books, and theories, concepts, tricks, and what to say, and what to do.

You need to be comfortable with yourself and your life to get a girl. I think alot of guys on this site are going through life thinking there is something "wrong". Something wrong with them. They're damaged. They're this. I've got a disorder, I've got a label.

You've got to stop thinking that there is something "wrong" when you interact with people. That's changed my life. There's nothing wrong.

Observe outgoing people. There's nothing wrong or out of place. I've got a neighbor that is a 9 year old girl and she's super outgoing and friendly with people. She says hi to anyone. She'll say hi to a cop on a motorcycle, or a jogger, and it's just no big deal. There's nothing out of place by talking to people.

If you're outside tomorrow, and you see a few women jogging by your house, there's nothing wrong with saying hi. It'll come through with your body language and tone of voice. There's nothing wrong. There's nothing out of balance. Hi, how's it going? People respond to that.

Do it with everyone that you meet. You'll be more inviting and friendlier.

People like people like themselves. Go after women with similar interests. Talk business. Give them advice.

Make it fun! Watch TV or movies and come up with a list of scenarios to meet women. Most people here just make it too stressful and too hard and complicated. It's like Gary Kasparov strategizing over a chess move. Stop making life so hard with all these starts and stops.

I think every guy on this site could be going out all the time, meeting women, having a minimum of 4-5-6 girls to choose from, living a good life.

Socializing is going to be like building a muscle or building a business. Focus on making it a habit, do it so often you don't even have to think about it.

-Socialize with every waiter, waitress, fast food girl, everyone working in any kind of store. Build it up so a few of them can remember your face. "Hey, how's it going?" Make small talk. Let them remember your order. Give that fast food girl some eye contact. This is a foundation.

-Say hi to the girl jogging outside your house. "Hey, how's it going?" You should make it automatic. It should be as automatic as opening your front door. That's going to build your comfort level.

Once you've got that and you get a little ballsy (i.e kino, EC, and you're general confidence level, there's nothing out of place, there's nothing to apologize about), it'll be game over. Panties will drop. Girls are made to drop them and open their legs up to a man they're attracted to.

Again, focus on making your social skills automatic. Thinking and intellectualizing isn't going to get you there. You just do it over and over and over and over and over, and you'll make it a habit.

aggreed, in order to succeed at anything - you have to put really yourself out there

 

[Latinoman]

You sound like a smart and level headed guy. You've got some self esteem and it sounds like you care about yourself from your posts (i.e. not lowering your standards to get a prostitute).

If that was the case, then I would applaud him. But in his case, he doesn't even want to date AVERAGE LOOKING women.

 

[d9930380]

Mate, experienced women (i.e. all over 22 years old) can tell if someone is a virgin or at least sexually inexperienced. Don't kid yourself by thinking they can't. I have been shocked by how intuitive women have been with me and my friends. They immediately know the players/nice-guys and virgins. News Flash: They like the players - don't believe the media crap or them when it says they don't. They see them as exciting and fun.

You need practice, it's not about lowering your standards. See it as a dress (hopefully undress) rehersal.

I understand why you acted sooo angrily about the testosterone joke: you listed reasons that sex doesn't make the man however be honest with yourself and realise that IT DOES. Reacting like this just shows that you agree.

I also can guess why women don't find you attractive (sexual) because you are either acting like a little boy (submissive - it's impossible to mask because you have no experience and she does) whenever you get any signs or completely rigid so as to pretend that you're an alpha when you don't.

All those qualities you listed, women want in a man but they don't want a man that's boring. It's the biggest turn off. Also you stated that if a women gets to know you then she would find you smart, witty, fun. If you honestly believe that then why does she need to get to know you first? Chances are you have that avoidance personality disorder and you don't really believe that.

My advice:

1. See a shrink. That disorder needs professional help.
2. Start dating ugly/fat girls and try and have fun with them. Girls aren't just there to have sex with and have your children. They're there to have fun with too.

 

[Latinoman]

2. Start dating ugly/fat girls and try and have fun with them. Girls aren't just there to have sex with and have your children. They're there to have fun with too.

I wouldn't say "date" ugly/fat. But at least INTERACT with them. Talk with them. If he can make them laugh...then he can make ANYONE laugh.

Now...dating "average" looking women is not a bad thing. A woman can be a HB-6 or HB-7. Nothing wrong with that as long as she has other great qualities.

Standards should NEVER be lowered when it comes to "respect" and "values". But compromises can be done in other areas.

 

[d9930380]

This guy won't get a HB6 or HB7. Women are more critical of men than the average joe is off a women. A HB6 or 7 would be looking for at least that in a man, most think they can get a HB8 or 9 - and do, at least for a while or a night. These where the results of a survey BTW that was done recently. Well done feminism I guess!

Once he has game then he might get a HB6 or 7. As for the whole fat girl argument. I hate to say it but look around. Most average girls don't have good bodies, at best they are US size 10s or 12s and these are probably out of his reach bedcause they're used to being picked up by average guys with game or good looking guys without (they will approach them). This guy is average (5 or 6) without game. That's not an insult, most people are average but his looks won't be enough.

Being skinny or even toned doesn't really help either as girls prefer a bit of meat on a guy. It's more masculine, they would prefer fat over skinny. Girls don't judge the same as guys.

I hate to say it, you're 36 now. You need to get a girlfriend and some experience, have fun and don't judge a girl purely on looks. If all you want is sex - hire a prostitute. If all you want is some sort of trophy that will validate you as a person then get over that idea. That's the personality disorder at work, girls are for many things but that shouldn't be one of them.

 

[So Many Ways]

Invisible man,

You sound like a smart and level headed guy. You've got some self esteem and it sounds like you care about yourself from your posts (i.e. not lowering your standards to get a prostitute).

I don't post much on this site anymore because it makes women and dating so much harder than it really is. No one here needs endless books, and theories, concepts, tricks, and what to say, and what to do.

You need to be comfortable with yourself and your life to get a girl. I think alot of guys on this site are going through life thinking there is something "wrong". Something wrong with them. They're damaged. They're this. I've got a disorder, I've got a label.

You've got to stop thinking that there is something "wrong" when you interact with people. That's changed my life. There's nothing wrong.

Observe outgoing people. There's nothing wrong or out of place. I've got a neighbor that is a 9 year old girl and she's super outgoing and friendly with people. She says hi to anyone. She'll say hi to a cop on a motorcycle, or a jogger, and it's just no big deal. There's nothing out of place by talking to people.

If you're outside tomorrow, and you see a few women jogging by your house, there's nothing wrong with saying hi. It'll come through with your body language and tone of voice. There's nothing wrong. There's nothing out of balance. Hi, how's it going? People respond to that.

Do it with everyone that you meet. You'll be more inviting and friendlier.

People like people like themselves. Go after women with similar interests. Talk business. Give them advice.

Make it fun! Watch TV or movies and come up with a list of scenarios to meet women. Most people here just make it too stressful and too hard and complicated. It's like Gary Kasparov strategizing over a chess move. Stop making life so hard with all these starts and stops.

I think every guy on this site could be going out all the time, meeting women, having a minimum of 4-5-6 girls to choose from, living a good life.

Socializing is going to be like building a muscle or building a business. Focus on making it a habit, do it so often you don't even have to think about it.

-Socialize with every waiter, waitress, fast food girl, everyone working in any kind of store. Build it up so a few of them can remember your face. "Hey, how's it going?" Make small talk. Let them remember your order. Give that fast food girl some eye contact. This is a foundation.

-Say hi to the girl jogging outside your house. "Hey, how's it going?" You should make it automatic. It should be as automatic as opening your front door. That's going to build your comfort level.

Once you've got that and you get a little ballsy (i.e kino, EC, and you're general confidence level, there's nothing out of place, there's nothing to apologize about), it'll be game over. Panties will drop. Girls are made to drop them and open their legs up to a man they're attracted to.

Again, focus on making your social skills automatic. Thinking and intellectualizing isn't going to get you there. You just do it over and over and over and over and over, and you'll make it a habit.

This post should be in the bible

 

[InvisibleMan]

This guy won't get a HB6 or HB7. Women are more critical of men than the average joe is off a women. A HB6 or 7 would be looking for at least that in a man, most think they can get a HB8 or 9 - and do, at least for a while or a night. These where the results of a survey BTW that was done recently. Well done feminism I guess!

Once he has game then he might get a HB6 or 7. As for the whole fat girl argument. I hate to say it but look around. Most average girls don't have good bodies, at best they are US size 10s or 12s and these are probably out of his reach bedcause they're used to being picked up by average guys with game or good looking guys without (they will approach them). This guy is average (5 or 6) without game. That's not an insult, most people are average but his looks won't be enough.

Being skinny or even toned doesn't really help either as girls prefer a bit of meat on a guy. It's more masculine, they would prefer fat over skinny. Girls don't judge the same as guys.

I hate to say it, you're 36 now. You need to get a girlfriend and some experience, have fun and don't judge a girl purely on looks. If all you want is sex - hire a prostitute. If all you want is some sort of trophy that will validate you as a person then get over that idea. That's the personality disorder at work, girls are for many things but that shouldn't be one of them.

Ok, most of you guys have been EXTREMELY helpful to me and I GREATLY appreciate it. But d9930380 I have to disagree with you.

First of all, I don't think I'm average looking, and that's ok if you think I am. And there are plenty of women who may think so too and that's ok. But I have been told by many women that I am good looking. But none of that really matters much. Women don't place the importance on looks like men do. I'd say men place about 90% of a woman's "attractiveness" in her looks. When women look at a man, I'd say that his looks only rate about 30% important (Ever notice how good looking women are often seen with some bummy or not so good looking guys?). The rest is your attitude, the way you carry yourself, and what you think of yourself. I think women have the ability to size these factors up in a man in a second or two - the same way we size them up immediately in the looks department.

This is good news for any not so good looking or overweight guys 'cause you can work on things you can change, or you can fake a High Status Male attitude. Not so good news for women, for whom looks are VERY important, heheh. I for one LIKE my looks and I like my body. That shows in my demeanor now.

And, I don't think women can really tell if a man is sexually inexperienced unless he carries himself in a certain way, and I DON'T carry myself in that way. I mean I don't have a label stamped VIRGIN on my forehead, and all the forums and articles in here talk about how you have to "fake it 'til you make it" with the ****iness and self confidence stuff, so you guys that think women can tell if a guy is sexually inexperienced and can't fake it are going against much of the advice on this website. BESIDES, IT'S JUST ANOTHER REASON FOR ME NOT TO APPROACH WOMEN IF I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT NOW. In my opinion, she doesn't have to know until we're in the sack and I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.

Why set your sights low? Aim for the stars and you may be surprised at what you get. I surely did in my professional life and it's gotten me far. And it's not about sex anyway to me. It's about succeeding AT THE GAME. And I like a lot of women, not just 10s. Like I said I see a lot of girls that I would like to get to know, and I'm starting on that.

The advice some of you guys are giving about lowering standards and "average" looks, and a "virgin stigma" and all that are contradicting everything I've read so far on the articles on this site! And I've now read most of them, believe me.

Ever see a guy who's not as good looking as you, he's a punk and sometimes doesn't even have a job and he's baggin' women left and right? We all have. Some guys are born with it, some guys figure it out by accident. I'm working on it. I think perception is reality when it comes to women. If you ACT like "you've got the world by the balls" you will PORTRAY that image people. Read some of my earlier posts and you'll see a guy who was pretty down and not feeling so good.

I'm so up now I can't believe it. I smile a lot more, I act with a lot of confidence, and I say "hi" to people. And if I get rejections now, that's fine. I'm not gonna worry about it like I used to.

I carry around this paper in my wallet now from a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy." It says: "Personal Power is a state of mind in which a person is confident he can handle whatever may come. This kind of power not only successfully deals with problems, challenges, and adversity (i.e. rejection!), it actually welcomes them, meets them head on, and is thankful for them." Rejections allow you to see each life experience as a gift form the universe to stimulate growth, healing, and learning. Maybe psycho-babble, but GOOD psycho-babble.

I was a loser because I never APPROACHED women. Or hardly ever. That's gonna change. Maybe I should thank you for telling me I can't get 7s, 8s,9s, or even 10s. Because you know what? If somebody tells me I can't do something, I'm gonna go out and do it.

Sheesh, sometimes I feel like I gotta pump you guys up!


- The Invisible Man (soon to be the Invincible Man)

 

[Latinoman]

The advice some of you guys are giving about lowering standards and "average" looks, and a "virgin stigma" and all that are contradicting everything I've read so far on the articles on this site! And I've now read most of them, believe me.

If it is not working with certain group...then you need to expand.

I mean...you cannot go to Championship Fight if you have never lazed gloves. You will get knock out. You might get lucky too...but you MUST try SEVERAL times if you want to get lucky.

You did make a very good point on the look department. Yes, women put more value on other things. Looks still important...don't kid yourself. But, not as important to women as compared to men. But still very important.

 

[Sinistar]

Hey InvisibleMan, good to see you're taking this seriously instead of getting riled up and running away

When I read your responses a couple things come to mind.

First, I have a used sn!per rifle that's all yours if you want it. I started out young with a shotgvn and it worked well for me. Then as I got older, for some reason I thought I was being mature by sn!ping. In the end it just awoke the AFC in me and that sucked (summing up a lot of sh!t). Then with the advice and wisdom of this site, I grabbed me back my old shotgvn and life is good, I mean real good lately

Second, I think there is a category of guys (not sure of the percentage??) that somehow get it in their head that no woman is better than a woman other guys will judge to be ugly, unattractive, etc. On the outside, it comes across as a pride type of thing. However, I believe underneath the real issue is some type of fear. Most likely a fear that others will judge a man for having a woman that is not 'acceptable' in the view of others. And that fear can then become a barrier for taking charge, being one's self, etc.

In summary, could it be possible that you have a fear of being with a woman that others might perceive to be "un-attractive" (a word I use to sum up many negative characteristics)? And if so, maybe you can spend some time getting a handle on where that belief comes from and what unhealthy expectations have been derived and enforced.

Oh yeah, someone asked and perhaps I missed you answer. What are some of your current hobbies/interests/sports and name a few that interest you that you haven't tried. Perhaps some of the guys here can relate stories where the same activities have benefited their lives (both w/r to women and in general).

 

[azanon]

Its either you've just haven't put in enough effort, or your standards are too high. I see people posting both reasons; only you know the truth. You're plenty smart, and plenty handsome enough.

IMO, I'm better looking than you invisibleMan, and I say that only for one reason; to say that even with me, women do not outright throw themselves at me and beg to sleep with me. At the most, i'll just catch them looking sometimes. I've only been asked out once before, and that was at college when it hosted a week where women were supposed to ask out men. My point is, you simply have to make the initiative, no matter how many inherent assets that you have.

I also subscribe to the notion that its generally best to crawl before you can walk. With your looks/intelligence, i'd get the whole virgin issue taken care of in 1 week tops.

Azanon

 

[Seduction_Files]

girls don't give a sh*t about anything other then how you can make them feel

 

[azanon]

girls don't give a sh*t about anything other then how you can make them feel

Some people really should refrain from giving advise.

 

[Faca]

Hey man,

I have to be honest to you, when i first read your story i thought you were joking or something. Not intended to disrespect you, but i didn't believe this was actually possible or true. Ever seen the movie 'the 40-year virgin'?..if not watch it!

But there's one thing i cannot understand, you mentioned those single friends. I mean, when you were close with them.. and went out etc.. i mean they must have noticed that you were still a virgin. Why didn't they helped you?.. This is something that i have observed, maybe it's different with you guys in USA (i'm in europe), but there's always one guy that better then the other ones in the group (alpha-male, pack leader). If he's really a friend, then he will help those to become better with women. He becomes some kind of a teacher. But this is another topic, so í'll stick to the discussion.

So this is my advice to you:
1) Don't read any books on attraction, sex etc more. I'm 100% positive that you have more knowlegde about this then an avarage sosuave member. You only lack ACTION!

2) Have fun, socialize!.. That woman are better at reading bodylanguage is not something new for you, so when you're out and socializing. Be comfortable, talk about anything you want. If you're not the Alpha Male, then act like one. you said it yourself, fake it till you make it! But the best advice i can give you is to have fun, they notice this and are attracted to you cause of the positive energy flow. I think you problem might be, that you very tense, and worry a lot what other people might think. JUST LET GO!

3) Sex is overrated in our society; the effort we put in for the things we get back is most of the time not worth it. I know guys, that would do anything for pvssy. I admire the way you think about dignity, i hope for you it's real.. and not faking it!.. So my advice here is, and i would say find an escort girl, this has nothing to do about not being honest to you're dignity. The first thing it will do, it takes away the tension about your first time with a girl. So even if the girl after her, might think you're not so great in bed.. then you wouldn't have to say that's you're first time. Cause at that age, it really isn't attractive for the ladies. I know guys who have done this, and helped them a lot!.. so it's not just summing things up.
or lower your values, and find an ugly/fat chick.. for an one-night-stand, which i wouldn't advise. Sometimes the ugly chicks are harder to game then the really attractive ones.

4) One thing i wouldn't advise you to do is, to take the massive approach like many here say. What you need is a good Wingman, just a buddy when you to go out for chicks. I find it easier to approach a group of woman with a buddy then alone.


My communication style isn't very clear, but that's something i'll have to work on!.. i hope i helped you with this. If still not motivated, read this: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/1820483.stm.

" BBC - Single men risk earlier death "

 

[InvisibleMan]

I didn't want to tell anyone this cause I didn't think it mattered, but I HAVE DONE THE ESCORT THING. OK? Can we move on now?

I did the damn escort thing when I was 25. That was 11 years ago and it was the only time, and I have had no action since. I'd rather say that I am just a virgin rather than admit that the only time I've had it I had to PAY for it.

A lotta good it did.

The most humiliating thing about the experience was the fact that she allowed no kissing (so I still have never kissed a girl) and after it was over she said:

"Why does a guy like you need to pay for this?"

I said "I wish I knew" then I went out and got drunk to forget it. And I don't want to remember it now, and it ain't going to happen again. OK?

If you guys want to hang me for lying then so be it. I just didn't think it mattered (obviously it doesn't) and I may as well be a virgin.

Great story to tell the kids, huh? Gee, Dad what was your first time like? "Well, actually son I was such a complete **** I had to PAY someone for it. And she wouldn't let me kiss her."

Oh wait, I won't be having any kids.

I'm sorry. I was feeling pretty good again too. I guess I should have been completely honest to begin with. Now all the crap is out on the table. I didn't think so many of you would suggest a hooker. Oh god, thinking about that time makes me feel like a complete sh!t again.

- The Invisible Man

 

[d9930380]

Thanks for sharing Invisible. It took alot of balls to admit that, even on this anonymous forum. Don't worry about it, you took a step to help you through something and don't feel ashamed about it.

Ok on to your reply of my mail, I actually agree with ALOT of what you say however there is a long journey (even if it's a one-night stand) before you actually have sex with a girl and yes the facade of confidence and alpha might work for a while however she will realise that you're not what you originally portrayed yourself as and will run away. Women are programmed to look and test guy's bull****, even if their bull**** is just image and not neccesarily anything else like what they say. Trust me, when I was changing from a total AFC to a RAFC I ****ed up a few chances with HB9s and had I had more experience with ANY girls that wouldn't have happened. Body language gives you away and you can't control it once you're in unfamilar situations, that's the reason why I said that you probably act all alpha before talking to a girl but act different when talking/approaching and don't even realise it. This IS the reason why you haven't had any "luck" and it's just natural. If you can lower your standards then the girl will "forgive" or just not be looking as hard because she'll be happy to get you - that will help your confidence. Even if you don't think she's that hot. I have done a few UGs and so have ALL my mates even those that are really good looking - they still do after a copius amounts of beer . There's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't make you look worse. Then you can start moving up the leagues.

As for the looks thing, the younger they are the more they care for looks. One of the things girls really go for is a guy that looks like he's experienced, a good shag. What I was really trying to say is that your looks won't get you laid, oh and forget about your job getting you laid too - A girl won't be thinking that far in advance. Yes it's a bonus and shows you have drive and ambition however unless you can excite her then it's not enough. That's the reason those bums get the girls. The girls love the time they're with them, fun, excitement, passion.

The guys with the highest standards are always the guys with NO girls. The guys who aren't that picky normally have a broad spectrum including VERY hot ones. Offcourse this doesn't apply to the luck gits that seem to go from one hottie to the next.