My story

[Latinoman]

Guys...his problem is that he is trying for either very good looking women or very attractive women.

I have known lot of guys like him (many with great careers too). And their problem is always the same: they want very good looking women.

But they don't realize that they MUST have something to bring to the table too.

If you have zero experience (regardless of potential), how can you do well in an interview? Does not matter how much you read about it...nothing compares to the real thing.

Nothing.

 

[Desdinova]

But don't you understand? She says NO (I won't go out with you). Whatever the reason, lie or not, I can't force women to go out with me.

First of all I have to ask.... Have you ever challenged the whole "boyfriend" excuse? Single women will throw this as a 5hit test. If you back down, you've shown her that you're spineless and you fail. If you continue to pursue, you demonstrate that you're not intimidated by someone you've never met and you pass. Here's an example:

You: Hey, why don't you give me your number, and we'll continue this conversation over coffee.
Her: Sorry, I have a boyfriend.
You: That's okay, he can be the chauffer.

And you keep moving things ahead. Just because she says she has a bf, there's no need to avoid her for the rest of your life. Just continue to do what you were doing as if the bf has no impact on what the two of you do together.

A few weeks ago, I had a cute asian girl buying me drinks and dancing with me. She was engaged to be married, she knew what she was doing was wrong, but she didn't care. She was having more fun with me than she EVER had with her bf.

It all comes down to displaying value. When I mean value, I don't mean having a fancy car or a fat wallet. I'm talking about making her FEEL like you're the best thing to show up in her life. Once you get the hang of doing that, it gets easier.

One thing - I have never been very good at small talk or witty banter. I was always the guy who thought of a good comeback line like 3 days after the fact

Get yourself some comedy tapes, and some sitcoms on DVD. Many are filled with witty comebacks. Feel free to copy and use their comebacks when the moment arises. Over time, you'll be able to come up with your own. I have yet to make a post on a specific type of humor I use that works wonders.

I understand you should get women to talk about themselves because people usuually love to talk about themselves but I find it hard to initiate casual conversation - small talk.

You don't have to. When you're dating many women at once and none of them qualify for the long haul, you just have fun with them until things fizzle out. I've been with women who never told me their first name. Well, they might have, but I didn't care what their name was. It may sound cruel, but when you have women coming at you from all directions, you find yourself not bothering to remember little details like what her favorite color was.

I envy the guys I see at the gym who just go up to girls and make them laugh. I don't know how to do that.

Well, you're never too young to learn. Do a search on this site for ****y/funny. It's a trait that can be learned and practiced.

I'm more like a "hi, how you doin'" kinda guy, but the conversation usually stalls out shortly after that.

That actually gives me an idea of what you're doing wrong. YOU'RE BORING. That kind of conversation is good for business or friends, but it won't make a woman feel attracted to you. Instead of saying "the weather is really nice out today, isn't it", say something completely off the wall like "Hey, those are cool shoes you're wearing, mind if I try them on?" And don't say it like you're reading a grocery list, say it like you're fvcking ecstatic about her shoes! Don't worry, she won't think you're gay. She'll think you're fun!

Instead of trying to interact with these women like it's a business meeting, act like she's been your best friend for 20 years! It might take a bit of time to truly bring out your fun side around women, but if you practice and make an honest effort to have fun with her, it gets easier and becomes natural.

 

[Latinoman]

From Desdinova:

Get yourself some comedy tapes, and some sitcoms on DVD. Many are filled with witty comebacks. Feel free to copy and use their comebacks when the moment arises. Over time, you'll be able to come up with your own. I have yet to make a post on a specific type of humor I use that works wonders.

Good advice. I would add, watch movies such as Ocean's Eleven (Clooney with Julia Roberts), Ocean Twelve (Pitt with Zeta Jones), Swingers (Jon Favreau with Heather Graham or Vaughn with Vegas Waitress) or even a few James Bond too. And watch how the characters interact with the women. They are cucky...they are funny...and they are witty.

 

[Sinistar]

But don't you understand? She says NO (I won't go out with you). Whatever the reason, lie or not, I can't force women to go out with me. If they were interested in you a boyfriend would be the furthest thing from her mind. If a woman had a boyfriend and wanted to date you she surely wouldn't tell you she has a boyfriend.

...oh I understand

You've just publicly acknowledged your first bit of real awareness & truth (this is good and any sensation of pain associated with it means you're finally waking up). If a woman is interested enough (ie desire) she will make excuses - excuses to be with you instead of apart from you. And guess what dude, that feels good when it happens.

Also, you're just stating an obvious fact, women lie, wiggle, distort, rationalize, justify and often tell half truths and/or behave anonymously. Most of them will do this if they're not interested enough. It's just their way. You can find fault in it, blaming them and the world for your problems. The so be it (search for Rollo-T's words regarding continually "getting you've gotten if you keep doing what you've done").

Or you can awaken from your slumber of low esteem, blaming and self-pity to realize you and you alone are responsible for each of your actions and their corresponding outcomes. Let me ask you this, if a woman you desire does not desire you is she really at fault?

The guys here are giving you solid, decent and FREE advice. You (and you alone) will start taking risks and making changes in your life when you are finally ready for your life to change. Remember you are responsible for your actions and their corresponding outcomes. Do nothing and get nothing, guess what you're responsible. Keep doing the same thing and getting the same results, guess what you're still responsible. Make some changes and the outcomes don't work for you, yep you guessed it you're responsible but atleast you tried. Make some different changes and the outcomes are to your liking, now that friggin' rocks because you alone were responsible.

Would you like a hint of what is probably holding you back?

Let's say you're waiting for an important phone call. You sit there and wait and wait, not daring to stray from the phone in case you'll miss it. The call never comes, you get p!ssed or sad or any type of emotion. Perhaps you think they dodged you to irritate you, perhaps you think they forgot all about you, etc. Yet in the end, they were most likely busy and pre-occupied with something they deemed more important or interesting or whatever. Q: Why did this experience yield negative emotions? A: Expectations driven by unhealthy beliefs.

My sense is that you expect women in general (and perhaps more specifically a certain appearance/class) to couple with you. This is not at all uncommon. Perhaps in your case this is driven by a one or more beliefs that your career, wealth, health, appearance etc entitle you to this type of woman. If this is the case I suggest that you run a serious self-assessment of your beliefs and expectations to reign them into reality.

Now look at the guy who gets the HB's you're seeking. He will most likely be quite active, busy and intersting. To a woman, his normal everyday life will seem interesting and mysterious and that will lead to desire. Yet note, he isn't walking around every minute expecting HB's to fall to his feet or call him or bake him cookies. Nope, he learned at some point to put himself first living his own life and understanding how women really work. He brought his beliefs and expectations in check regarding women & relationships.

Everyone one of us is different, yet there is a common subtext to this forum orginally intended to teach the techniques of attraction. Be a MAN, accept responsibility for your actions and understand that women are simply doing what they're programmed to do. They seek out and chase what is mysterious, interesting, aloof and seemingly unnattainable. They run and lie when something doesn't feel right or is too serious, boring and especially threatening. All amongst them are broken damaged ones not worthy of our time.

I strongly suggest hobbies, interests and activities that get you out of the home and around all types of people.

I don't really have any friends. I don't want to give the impression that I am a friendless loser (which I may very well be), but most of my close friends from high school and college have gotten married and had kids and we all know what happens to guys when that happens - they tend to drift apart from their single friends, and I've found that friends you make in adult life are never quite the same as your childhood friends.

...once again hogwash!

I am fortunate to still be friends with all of my HS buddies. We manage to get together atleast once a year (for the distant ones) and several times a year for the nearby ones. Some have wives and families, some are still single. It just takes some extra effort. And I have made some of my best, most reliable friends in the recent years of my life. And guess how, by taking up things that interested me and meeting new people. One particular recent friend comes to mind immediately. A Vietnam vet, private business owner and all around outsanding individual whom I made an effort to get to know better while helping from time to time with classes he teaches. I know this dude would take a bullet for me and I've known him less than three years.

You're still making excuses InvisibleMan and you know it.

 

[InvisibleMan]

...oh I understand

Or you can awaken from your slumber of low esteem, blaming and self-pity to realize you and you alone are responsible for each of your actions and their corresponding outcomes. Let me ask you this, if a woman you desire does not desire you is she really at fault?

The guys here are giving you solid, decent and FREE advice. You (and you alone) will start taking risks and making changes in your life when you are finally ready for your life to change. Remember you are responsible for your actions and their corresponding outcomes. Do nothing and get nothing, guess what you're responsible. Keep doing the same thing and getting the same results, guess what you're still responsible. Make some changes and the outcomes don't work for you, yep you guessed it you're responsible but atleast you tried. Make some different changes and the outcomes are to your liking, now that friggin' rocks because you alone were responsible.

My sense is that you expect women in general (and perhaps more specifically a certain appearance/class) to couple with you. This is not at all uncommon. Perhaps in your case this is driven by a one or more beliefs that your career, wealth, health, appearance etc entitle you to this type of woman. If this is the case I suggest that you run a serious self-assessment of your beliefs and expectations to reign them into reality.

Now look at the guy who gets the HB's you're seeking. He will most likely be quite active, busy and intersting. To a woman, his normal everyday life will seem interesting and mysterious and that will lead to desire. Yet note, he isn't walking around every minute expecting HB's to fall to his feet or call him or bake him cookies. Nope, he learned at some point to put himself first living his own life and understanding how women really work. He brought his beliefs and expectations in check regarding women & relationships.

You're still making excuses InvisibleMan and you know it.

I don't think I'm making excuses, and I certainly never blamed WOMEN for the way I am treated. I am just stating my experiences. Period.

I realize that I and only I am responsible for the outcomes of my relations to women, and am trying to change. Maybe I do come across as boring. Maybe I don't feel I bring too much to the table. But I do know that ONCE WOMEN GET TO KNOW ME, they would find me interesting, witty, and intelligent, and probably a great father, but I can't seem to get past the first hurdle.

I don't think my standards are too high, though. I see a lot of pretty girls that I would like to meet, but I guess I come across as boring. I just don't want fat. I'm not gonna do the fat thing - sorry. I'd rather sit at home.

OK, you guys got some good advice - and I will follow it. I'm gonna do the Boot Camp, and maybe dance classes, and try to get out more and even try to make friends with some guys.


- The Invisible Man

 

[Desdinova]

But I do know that ONCE WOMEN GET TO KNOW ME, they would find me interesting, witty, and intelligent, and probably a great father, but I can't seem to get past the first hurdle.

Okay, let's go with that. How many women have known you for a long time? How many of these women whom you've known for a long time have dated you?

This is bull5hit fed to you by society. Women don't need to actually KNOW the man that they're attracted to. I, along with many others on this site have proven this time and time again. Take my above examples of the nameless women and even the engaged chick. None of them truly knew me. The only thing they may have known is my first name, and that's it.

Attraction isn't based on facts, nor is it based on how well you know someone. A woman becomes attracted to men who make her feel excited. Details about your job, your home, and your life story will likely bore the hell out of her. Poke her repeatedly in the arm until she pokes you back, and you've got a foot in the door.

Women aren't interested in the mundane details of your life. They want to have a good time with a guy who is willing to lead them into an exciting adventure. The adventure you take her on doesn't have to be dangerous nor expensive. It just has to be interesting.

Like a good book or movie, you need to grab the attention of your audience if you want them to stay with you for the adventure. You should also be able to deliver what you promise, which is what a lot of the PUAs have problems with.

I urge you to go out and discover your fun side all over again. Remember what it was like to be a child, and all the fun you had? Re-discover that and embrace it. Make it part of your personality again, and you'll have no problem attracting, dating, and having sex with women.

 

[thissucks003]

I urge you to go out and discover your fun side all over again. Remember what it was like to be a child, and all the fun you had? Re-discover that and embrace it. Make it part of your personality again, and you'll have no problem attracting, dating, and having sex with women.

I totally agree! Girls don't want someone that is serious, especially when they first meet you. They want someone that is fun to be around. Fun now, fun later. If you have nothing to offer her like you have for the past 36 years, there is no surprise you are getting the results you have gotten.

 

[Sinistar]

I urge you to go out and discover your fun side all over again. Remember what it was like to be a child, and all the fun you had? Re-discover that and embrace it. Make it part of your personality again, and you'll have no problem attracting, dating, and having sex with women.

...and Desdinova spoke and his words were good and all who followed bedded HB's and lived happily ever after

But I do know that ONCE WOMEN GET TO KNOW ME, they would find me interesting, witty, and intelligent, and probably a great father, but I can't seem to get past the first hurdle.

...you're tripping on the first hurdle because you're so intensely focused on the far ones.

OK, you guys got some good advice - and I will follow it. I'm gonna do the Boot Camp, and maybe dance classes, and try to get out more and even try to make friends with some guys.

...and the inner Alpha finally throws a strong right jab at the Beta who's been in charge way too long. Now just remove the word 'try' and watch you're life change!

 

[ElChoclo]

Invisible, the fact that you would rather sit at home than have sex with a fatty, even though you haven't had some for 36 years, indicates to me that you are lacking in vitamin T. That's T for testosterone.

So there is no use learning techniques or strategies because you just don't have the motivation. Perhaps you could indicate whether you masturbate regularly because, if you don't, I think you should have a hormone check done.

 

[InvisibleMan]

Invisible, the fact that you would rather sit at home than have sex with a fatty, even though you haven't had some for 36 years, indicates to me that you are lacking in vitamin T. That's T for testosterone.

So there is no use learning techniques or strategies because you just don't have the motivation. Perhaps you could indicate whether you masturbate regularly because, if you don't, I think you should have a hormone check done.

The fact that I am a virgin doesn't make me any less of a man, and certainly doesn't entitle you to disrespect me. If you place such a low value on sex that you would willingly have it with women you are not attracted to, then YOU, sir, not I, lack testosterone. A man can exist without the presence of a woman. If you think otherwise, then you are in even worse shape than me. And please be my guest to knock yourself out with all the fat women you can find.

Being a man is more than just ****ing anything that moves. It's about honesty, integrity, respect, and self discipline. I came here for advice on my problem, and have come to some good conclusions due to the help of some, but for those of you who feel the need to disrespect me: Does my honesty threaten your delusion of superiority? Are you that much of a Beta male that you need to knock down the easy target to boost your ego?

I think this discussion needs to end now. For some reason the topic of men who get no sex tends to bring out hostility in other males (probably to keep the bullets from flying in their direction since they are probably almost as clueless as me).

That's all I'm going to say on the matter. I'm going to go find some women now.



- The Invisible Man

 

[Latinoman]

Being a man is more than just ****ing anything that moves. It's about honesty, integrity, respect, and self discipline.

I agree 100%...however, you have phucked NOTHING. So, you are an extreme to the situation.

You cannot expect to have HB8+, when you are bringing NOTHING to the table. Don't you agree?

 

[dakota]

To the invisible man,
It appears to me the weak link for you is the small talk/witty banter issue. My suggestion would be to focus on improving that area. Try to not think in terms of " being interested in someone" but simply conversing with them.
Oh and disregard the naysayers. Keep your standards were they are, you bring plenty to the table.

 

[InvisibleMan]

I agree 100%...however, you have phucked NOTHING. So, you are an extreme to the situation.

You cannot expect to have HB8+, when you are bringing NOTHING to the table. Don't you agree?

I think I bring honesty, respect, discipline, humor, and DIGNITY to the table. I run my own business and would make a good father figure. If women aren't interested in that, then we are all doomed.

And I am fit with a lot of stamina and endurance and I've seen a lot of porno so I think I know what to do when the time comes.

Here is a pic of me in case anyone is wondering what I look like: http://home.earthlink.net/~mistybooks/new1.jpg. I hope no one recognizes me. :nervous:

I think my major problems are a complete lack of social life. I work alone, I exercise alone, and all my hobbies are solitary. I realize I am a complete hermit and I am going to change that starting today. Now if I only weren't so damn busy all the time....

I'm going to start on the Boot Camp thing today. I'm actually inspired and looking forward to this. Do you guys want me to keep you informed on progress or are you tired of me?



- The Invisible Man

 

[Nighthawk]

I sympathize and echo the advice that you need to make more friends, learn the art of socialising and conversation from real-life, and stop holding out for Miss Perfect and practice on what you can get.

Women find virginity, especially at your age, unattractive, and can you blame them? Their ideal man knows how to f*ck, and chances are you don't. So even if your slim, pretty dream girl magically falls in your lap you could lose her for a man that's not still figuring out what bit goes where.

I don't mean to be rude but unless you are willing to lower your standards re looks, you are sabotaging your chances of getting what you want.

Also, please list five things you are passionate about.

 

[InvisibleMan]

I sympathize and echo the advice that you need to make more friends, learn the art of socialising and conversation from real-life, and stop holding out for Miss Perfect and practice on what you can get.

Women find virginity, especially at your age, unattractive, and can you blame them? Their ideal man knows how to f*ck, and chances are you don't. So even if your slim, pretty dream girl magically falls in your lap you could lose her for a man that's not still figuring out what bit goes where.

I don't mean to be rude but unless you are willing to lower your standards re looks, you are sabotaging your chances of getting what you want.

Also, please list five things you are passionate about.

Give me a f*cking break already about the lowering standard bullsh!t already. No one knows I am a virgin, except all you bastards in here. I don't go for only 10s. I'd say I like anything at about a 7 or up. It's difficult to convey in writing what I find attractive. If we go to a mall or something I would see dozens of women that I would like.

And I certainly don't walk around like a beaten dog. I hold my head up high. Have you not read anything I've been saying in my last few posts?

Think about how ridiculous you "lower standards" guys are sounding. When you were 15 or 16 or whatever and you lost your virginity, did you say to yourself "Gee, I gotta go after plain or ugly chicks 'cause I don't know what the hell I am doing"?

Screw that. I'm not some kinda gimp. And I am certainly not an idiot who thinks sex is some kind of mysterious sh!t.

I don't get hard for walrus women. My testosterone is worth more than that.


- The Invisible Man

 

[Latinoman]

I cannot view the picture from here...so, I have no comments about appearances. I have no reason to doubt Skip.

Maybe he is right.

Also, you OWN you own business? LOL...dude...if you approach enough...you will get enough.

But you need to get laid...break that drought. You will see things a LOT more different once that happens.

 

[Nighthawk]

I think I bring honesty, respect, discipline, humor, and DIGNITY to the table. I run my own business and would make a good father figure. If women aren't interested in that, then we are all doomed.

Those qualities, while admirable, are not in short supply (except maybe your business, depending on what it is) for the average attractive woman, and do not turn her on. Humor is good, can you elaborate? Women like a dry wit as opposed to a clownish gag-teller, for example.

Your photo shows looks are not an obstacle, and you dress ok too. I'm guessing you are either too sexual ie creepy, or not sexual enough.

Also you are clearly not trying. Stop worrying about rejection and get talking to some of those do-able women you see every day.

 

[DJDamage]

Here is a pic of me in case anyone is wondering what I look like

Good picture but you seem rather tense, are you always like this when you walk around?? Try to smile more and relax more when you talk to people.

I think my major problems are a complete lack of social life. I work alone, I exercise alone, and all my hobbies are solitary. I realize I am a complete hermit and I am going to change that starting today. Now if I only weren't so damn busy all the time....

That is good that you recognized lack of social skills. I think the major hurdle that most people have/had on here is a lack of basic social skill. I remember that I too was a hermit once and tried to apply the DJ skills and got really frustrated by my progress. You can't fool women by thinking you are a charming, suave kind of guy if you are not, the more you try to fake the worse it will look. It should come natural to you. Therefore the more interactions you have with people the better you will get at it.

By the way why are you so buzy that you don't have time?? If your job takes too much time out of your life and causes you unhappiness then maybe its time to look for another job.

I'm going to start on the Boot Camp thing today. I'm actually inspired and looking forward to this. Do you guys want me to keep you informed on progress or are you tired of me?

Yeah keep us infrom, you seem like an intelligent guy. However don't get discouraged from the bootcamp if you don't succeed or get the results you desire. There are other resources on this website that can help you.

 

[wayword]

YOU DONT APPROACH ENOUGH WOMEN DUMMY!

u should be approaching and talking to 1000 women per year, what kind of pvssy of a man are you????

FORTY WOMEN IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE????

Still, it's more than just his numbers. His GAME must be lacking something. He is probably about a 7 and 40 approaches with his looks should be enough to have landed at least ONE! Something's just not right here. This doesn't seem possible...

Even if his game totally sucks, with his looks and 40 approaches ALONE, he shoulda "fool mated" his way into at least ONE pair of panties by now! You got really rank breath or BO dude, perhaps?

 

[Latinoman]

Still, it's more than just his numbers. His GAME must be lacking something. He is probably about a 7 and 40 approaches with his looks should be enough to have landed at least ONE! Something's just not right here. This doesn't seem possible...

Even if his game totally sucks, with his looks and 40 approaches ALONE, he shoulda "fool mated" his way into at least ONE pair of panties!

Add that to the fact that he is EDUCATED and has a CAREER (as he owns his own business) and DRESS WELL and is CLEAN.

And at almost 40, he is FIT too.