My story

[d9930380]

Faca - As for you're question of why didn't his friends help him, he thinks his friends didn't know when the truth is they pretended not to know because most people are selfish and are only "fair weather" friends. They're friendship is only useful to them when it benifits them (entertainment, company, money or items) and they're too embarrased for him to do anything and it's baggage that they don't want in their life - they would explain it away by thinking, oh well that's just him and as long as he's happy.

I know that's just speculation and very cynical but I've seen it first hand with a friend - and what other "friends" are thinking behind his back. I shudder to think what they say behind my back - but good news, I've got to the point where I don't care.

 

[bigneil]

Dude, I'm 36 and I've been a loner to some degree, but even I've been with about 20 women. Everyone pays for it to some degree. My last GF cost me $350 in dinner before spending the night. Then you find out they are sleeping with someone else anyway. You need to break the ice. Go to Amsterdam or Bunny Ranch and pick out a girl who comes on to you - you'll be the best guy they had out of the last 20. You'll get the GF experience. You'll realize sex is overrated. You will have "some girl" to talk about when you meet your next date online. It will be your breakout performance. Women can detect how long it's been somehow.

 

[Muzzlehatch]

Hi there,
Just a point about the 'paying for it' experience. Ever read any James Bond books? One of Bond's first sexual experiences was with a Parisian prostitute "....culminating in the loss, almost simultaneously, of his virginity and his notecase."
If its good enough for the coolest fictional hero on the planet, what's the big deal with you!

Seriously mate, something like this is only shameful if that's how you perceive it. Christ, Half the WW2 generation probably lost it in this way. If my Dad told me that's what he'd done, I wouldn't care a toss. Only if he came to me with a shamed, forgive-me-for-what-I've-done attitude would it be a problem. If you take a grin, and an 'all part of life's rich experience' outlook, you've nothing at all to be embarrased over. (With the guys that is! Don't build it into a routine! )

I reckon the advice you've got about building up your social circle is real sound, and at the root of your problem. You also seem to have a real issue with this 'I have a boyfriend' response. You've read all that material and you don't know how to handle this? Come on. Even if its genuine, show your sexual interest regularly, keep tabs on these women, add them to your social circle. First time there's a relationship chink, hey, there's that hot Invisibleman to call.

What about paying for some of the excellent seminars and one-on-one instruction you can get? I reckon some of the Juggler stuff would be right up your street. Sure, it'll cost, but what's more important, that or wargaming? Sounds like money's not an issue to you. Depends how serious you are about sorting the problem. Me, I'd do it for the hell of it!

How about the Wingman Forum on this site? There are other sites with similar, what about them?

I really hope you get sorted, good luck mate. You're on your way, just start having fun and drop the bitterness, it'll definitely show.

(Ps Bond books have some truly terrible advice on attracting women that only work if you have an Aston Martin and are shagging a Russian spy. Only go there if you're in British Intelligence.)

 

[Faca]

The guys with the highest standards are always the guys with NO girls. The guys who aren't that picky normally have a broad spectrum including VERY hot ones. Offcourse this doesn't apply to the luck gits that seem to go from one hottie to the next.

d9930380,

This is so true, i was always one of those with high standards.. and you know what, that didn't got me laid. When my friends got the chicks, i went from a couple of dates in a year. But the amazing thing happened, when i chose to lower my standards. Not only the ugly ones were after me, but the HOT ones too. It amazing how social proof works!

I mean, don't show interest in those that make you puke. But more in the way, of not judging by their looks.

 

[InvisibleMan]

Hi there,
Just a point about the 'paying for it' experience. Ever read any James Bond books? One of Bond's first sexual experiences was with a Parisian prostitute "....culminating in the loss, almost simultaneously, of his virginity and his notecase."
If its good enough for the coolest fictional hero on the planet, what's the big deal with you!

Seriously mate, something like this is only shameful if that's how you perceive it. Christ, Half the WW2 generation probably lost it in this way. If my Dad told me that's what he'd done, I wouldn't care a toss. Only if he came to me with a shamed, forgive-me-for-what-I've-done attitude would it be a problem. If you take a grin, and an 'all part of life's rich experience' outlook, you've nothing at all to be embarrased over. (With the guys that is! Don't build it into a routine! )

The difference between me and all the other guys who paid for their first time is they probably did it when they were 18 or whatever and went on to get laid regularly in a normal way. The only way I can get sex at all is to pay for it apparently. I feel like Quasimodo or something.

And what's the deal with online dating? I've probably sent out about 100 emails to girls in the past month or so, and the only 2 responses I've gotten back are from these Russian girls who claimed they were from the area where I live, and now they want to tell me all about their lives in Siberia! I don't even get any negative responses, just nothing.

In my profile I try to come across as a guy who likes to have fun, is successful and I post my best pictures. Do you other guys have any way to make your profile stand out? I look through a lot of guy profiles (just to see what other guys are doing) and I don't see anything that great. Even women's profiles are pretty boring, but lots of guys tell me that online dating is great. Are they just talking out of their ass (like most guys do) or what?

I don't really like the online dating stuff, anyway. It is very difficult to portray an ATTITUDE, and that's what I'm trying to do in real life (without looking like I'm a self absorbed a-hole).

Have you ever heard the saying: "Alone in a crowded room?" That's how I feel when I go out. I feel alienated like I'm the last guy in the Invasion of the Body Snatchers movie. I feel like I'm out in the cold looking through a window at a huge party going on and I can't get in the door.


- Still The Invisible Man

 

[CrazyBeautiful]

Ok, since I'm a girl, I'd just like to say... I find it rather odd and so do many other girls I know..that a man of your age.. still has to deal with these problems.. I mean I don't seriously think you'll get a girl that finds that attractive.. maybe some older woman , but younger? No.

 

[InvisibleMan]

edit LOL

 

[CrazyBeautiful]

Calm down.. it's the truth, and if you didn't want to hear the opinion then why are you wasting 2 hours on a computer trying to figure out what your problem is rather than going out somewhere and figuring your life? The computer is way too overrated for people's problems, seriously I think you need to get out more..and cussing at a girl.. that won't fly by much buddy.

 

[InvisibleMan]

Nobody reads anything in here do they?

Jesus, how can I sore like and eagle when I'm workin' with a bunch of TURKEYS!!!!

God, I've got a headache.


- Invisible Man

 

[PJD]

Online dating has potential I gotta say. Maybe try some other sites if you're having such a horrible response rate.

I met a girl once through a brief online chat search on icq a few years ago, she basically tried to jump my bones the first night I met her.

I've been doing this online match site for the past month or so, and have quite a few girls I can now chat with online, and some have given me their phone numbers. You can have your pick of ugly girls, and even some cute ones are around.

 

[d9930380]

You don't "Try to portray an attitude" - This is totally the wrong thinking, it's fake, bollocks and makes you look like a joke. You have an attitude based on experiences and the confidence that brings. You don't have any of that yet so what you're doing is just trying to imitate what you think it would be.

Trust me mate, lower your standards and be REAL. Still follow all the advice of being a man and never be needy and unburden yourself on other people. You're life will change and that will allow you to get the girl of your dreams. Because you're right - you have everything, just not the experience.

By the way CrazyBeutiful - although I agree with you, you finding something odd has NO relevance to this thread and doesn't help. If we wanted to be slagged off by a bird then we would have gone to a bar and had it done in person. Typical women, thinking the world revolves around her ;-P

 

[ElChoclo]

I questioned this troll's abstention from chubby girls and he gave me some story about his dignity. Later he concedes he did it with an "escort" and that he isn't really a virgin, because he was getting a lot of advice to lose his cherry and wanted to steer the post in a different direction.

But basically, he is a troll.

 

[InvisibleMan]

I questioned this troll's abstention from chubby girls and he gave me some story about his dignity. Later he concedes he did it with an "escort" and that he isn't really a virgin, because he was getting a lot of advice to lose his cherry and wanted to steer the post in a different direction.

But basically, he is a troll.

I was gettng a lot of advice to pay for it to get over the virgin "stigma." I had to 'fess up to what I did 11 YEARS AGO because I had to make people realize that doesn't work. If you're 36 and only had done it once by paying for it you might as well be a virgin for all intents and purposes.

I'm sorry. For a lot of things. But I don't understand why failure in the mating game brings out so much hostility in other males. Why does that threaten you? Again, are you so far down in the pecking order that you need to bust on other guys to lift your self esteem? What does that accomplish?


- Invisible Man

 

[InvisibleMan]

You don't "Try to portray an attitude" - This is totally the wrong thinking, it's fake, bollocks and makes you look like a joke. You have an attitude based on experiences and the confidence that brings. You don't have any of that yet so what you're doing is just trying to imitate what you think it would be.

You're right dude. I suck. I am a complete loser. I mean what business do I have going after decent women anyway. I'm just a good looking, tall, college-educated, successful, witty, intelligent, drug-free, athletic, stable man with six-pack abs (yeah I got 'em). What reason do I have to think I could get a decent woman? I mean, I wouldn't want to get a big head or anything.

d9930380, Thanks again for telling me I can't do it. Cause Now I WILL. I've lost 45 pounds in the past year, I am my own boss and I stand up for myself and I stand up for the little guy. I'm in better shape now (both physically and mentally) than I was when I was at any time in my life. You don't think I can make these accomplishments come across in my demeanor? You don't think these are experiences? I suggest you check out the following links on this very site:

Confidence - How to Show It Even If You Don't Have It http://www.sosuave.com/articles/confidence.htm

It's Less What You Say than How You Say It http://www.sosuave.com/articles/attitude.htm

Attitude Is Everything http://www.sosuave.com/articles/attitude.htm

An Unexpected Attraction Secret http://www.sosuave.com/romance/david/art118.htm

First impressions are everything and THEY CAN INDEED BE FAKED. Jerks do it all the time. And women fall for the unreal every moment of their lives. And you know what? They STAY with these men even after they find out the guy wasn't all he wasn't all they thought he would be at first, 'cause these FIRST IMPRESSIONS are so strong. WHy do you think they stay with men who are losers when good men are all over the place? Because they FELL for the first impression and WANT to BELIEVE it.

When they swoon over Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and the Beatles and all that, do you think they KNOW anything about these people? No. They fall for the IMAGE they are seeing on the screen, and they don't know a damn thing about them. And not all of these kind of guys are good looking either. Look at Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler for God's Sake. I mean, youch! Not all of these guys have REAL self confidence. A lot of them are a-holes (low self esteem), got drug problems (low self esteem) and beat their wives (low self esteem). They don't KNOW these guys, but they THINK they KNOW their image.

You won't hear anymore complaining from me either. Complaining = Powerlessness = Weak Male

I'm in week 1 of the Boot Camp. And I ain't going to be drawn out to defend myself anymore. I'll check back in with you guys here and there to let you know how things are going.


- The Invisible Man

 

[Muzzlehatch]

ElChoclo I questioned this troll's abstention from chubby girls and he gave me some story about his dignity. Later he concedes he did it with an "escort" and that he isn't really a virgin, because he was getting a lot of advice to lose his cherry and wanted to steer the post in a different direction.

But basically, he is a troll.

I agree. Something's very suspicious here, a lot of his replies are to steer the post.
But the really ironic thing is;
If you're real, advice is 'get a social life.'
If you're a troll, advice is 'get a social life.'
Checkmate

 

[d9930380]

OK fair enough. It's your life. Do what you want. BTW - I wasn't calling you a loser that couldn't get the women of your dreams. Just a guy that doesn't have any experience. What all those guys you mentioned have is experience. Hell man - you don't even know how to kiss. Right there, a girl will realise something is wrong as she will also do when you start touching her, people here call it applying kino. You might come across as confident to begin with but as things become sensual - you'll be ****ed because you will be a fish out of water. Girls can read this almost immediately and it will make you seem really creepy. I'm not trying to make you feel worse, I honestly do just want to help but I feel like you don't want to admit to the real world/yourself at this point that you have no-idea about women. You want to "portray an attitude" that you're this successful guy and you're going to constantly go for hotties therefore when you do pull one it will validate you. You might be in other areas of life but not women (like many here). In you're work life, did you start at the top? No offcourse not, you might have had potential but you start at the bottom and work your way up. Women are NO different!

But I wish you all the best of luck and as I a see I'm getting nowhere, I'll leave you to it.

BTW - Admitting it would be to go for an average girl, not dumping all your crap on some poor person.

 

[Nighthawk]

Think about how ridiculous you "lower standards" guys are sounding. When you were 15 or 16 or whatever and you lost your virginity, did you say to yourself "Gee, I gotta go after plain or ugly chicks 'cause I don't know what the hell I am doing"?

My first girlfriend, when I was 16, was about a 6. She wasn't the girl of my dreams but I learnt to kiss (tip -you don't just shove your tongue down their throats as far as possible and start wiggling - something most people figure out in their teens but you could discover the first time you kiss your dream girl and she bursts out lauging).

Next gf was a 7 (who turned into a 9 a few years after we split). It didn't go anywhere but her social network included my next gf, a 7.5. This is who I lost my virginity to.

When that ended (she went to Australia) I was amazed to find an 8 I thought was out of my league throwing herself at me. After that, more 8s, an older (23) woman who taught me some sex tips (slow down, kiss their back, the basics) which came in handy when I was pursued by one of the only perfect 10s I've ever known in my life (she's a junkie wh0re now). And so on.

By this time my confidence and experience meant I could handle her. A year previously, without the technique and understanding I'd gathered I would have probably blown it somehow. If I'd been saving myself for the ideal girl she wouldn't have been interested in my virgin ass.

Fake it til you make it is cool, but there are some things you can't fake.

Good luck.

Oh, and if this is a troll I don't mind, there's always going to be someone else reading that can use the advice.

 

[d9930380]

I think that's the reason why AFCs are the way they are. They have had HIGH standards all their lives looking for that one dream girl not realising that's the reason they would never get them. All these computer nerds that will go for nothing less than Jessica Alba.

A similar story for me except it happened later in life because I was one of those guys. Looking back I realise what a waste of time it was and I don't want anyone to make the same mistake.

Personally I think this is the most important thing when getting started and should be in the bible.

Look at Shallow Hal - The hot girl in his building can't stand him until he goes out with lots of UGs and then SHE wants him. Girls don't like to think that you're with them JUST because they look good, it makes them feel like an object.

Once you have experience then you can have standards based on previous girlfriends not what YOU feel you deserve.

 

[Desdinova]

I didn't want to tell anyone this cause I didn't think it mattered, but I HAVE DONE THE ESCORT THING. OK? Can we move on now?

Believe it or not, you're not the first one on this board to admit this. I believe "Lionfox" was the first. Just goes to show that what you did isn't so crazy after all

 

[grinder]

This forum can help with functional/real-life recommendations, even philosophical recommendations, but don't count on it to give you sound psychological advice. Only your psychiatrist or psychologist can do that.

Seek one, but certainly not here.