Jayer's 100 Approach Journal (Will Finish 100 approaches no matter what)

[ezily]

A lot of updates here; lets start with the Spanish girl. Well she called me Saturday mid evening but because I was taking a train into the city nearby I didn’t get the call. She left a voice mail saying she called to say hi and she was sorry she didn’t call me back but she was very busy running errands and now just arrived at her friend’s place. Well I was on my date with my southern girl (which I'll get to in a bit) so obviously I didn't call her back. While I was leaving my southern girl at the train station she also called me two times in a row (this was like after 11pm) but I didn't answer. She didn't leave a message. I called her back the next day and we talked briefly... she started telling me what a great time her and her friend had etc... She then called me later at night but I didn't answer the phone. Today she called me at work during my lunch and we talked. She sounded happy and started trying to brag about how guys hit on her when she was out this weekend. I played it off cool and told her I'd talk to her later. I may give her a call in a bit after I talk to my other plates.

Good job. It looks like she is into you. See where you can take this one.

So I didn't call her or text her yesterday nor did she which was normal. So today around 4:30pm I texted her "hey there how's your day going" Well she never responded... and she used to respond to my texts rather quickly. So about 4 hours later I decide to try and call her. Well of course no answer.... Now I probably should have just stopped here... but I decided to text her a few hours later and said "hey if you don't want to talk that's cool, but just let me know your still alive so I know you made it home safe"

Yeah you were AFC here. Maybe it was the way you ended the evening but I'm not sure. I don't think you should have left her there alone but maybe you could have done some better. Overall though I wouldn't do this texting thing asking how their day is going. It just seems lame and AFC to me. I think when a guy calls a girl he needs to have a reason (if you are not dating exclusively). So just don't do this kind of stuff and I think you'll have more success.

Good job Jayer. You are improving nicely. Just keep it up and work on some of the AFC things that creep in every now and again. And I wouldn't let this spanish chick go if you are into her. She seems to like you by calling you so much and testing you. Good luck.

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

Now I probably should have just stopped here

Every time you think this, you are right. Sometimes too much persistence is a bad thing. After she didn't answer the text message--that should have been all you did for that day.

You attempted to contact this girl three times within half a day--sounds stalkerish to most women. Whenver you decide you want to talk to a girl--first, choose calling over texting EVERY time. Then if there's not a respons (i.e., no answer, no call-back, etc...) wait until at LEAST the next day, if not more to attempt to contact her again.

If after the third (this should be the final) time, NEXT.

But, you are still improving--it has been fun to watch your posts as your confidence increases. Keep up the good work.

 

[macfuque]

hi jayer,

i'm also very impressed with your honesty and your courage and single mindedness. i've followed your escapades and been rooting for you all along but sometimes i think you may be your own worst enemy. perhaps you think i'm being unfair as you stated your goal was to get over the fear of approaching strange women and you've done that but your post date analysis suggests to me that it's not enough for you.

i used to walk around thinking women were weird and they are, i mean i've had women walk up to me in a bar without a word and give me their number only to flake on me when i called! but we are often much more in control of how they treat us than it first appears. and understanding this is the key.

i have been browsing the site myself for a few weeks and i have to say there's some very good advice on here. what's interesting is that when i've analysed a recent relationship after reading through the site, i've found that when interest level was high and i was doing well i was naturally displaying many of the traits encouraged here e.g other options, status, controlled emotion, fun, confidence, not too available etc and when things went weird it was due to my losing those tendencies e.g always available, full of compliments, needy, over reacting to any flake.. and her reaction was as predicted.

it's amazing, going over old text messages that i sent to this last woman at the beginning and the replies i was thinking this is straight out of the advice on this site (and the later ones straight out of AFC), months before my eyes were open. at the time i was completely confused and thought i was behaving "naturally" in both cases and the problem was with her but this site has given me insight to see how much i was master of my own downfall.

extending this observation to your experience i feel that sometimes you have decided that any sign of a woman's disinterest proves her to be worthless, stuck up etc. or you think she just needs some hasty encouragement. while i admire your percieved self belief i don't think you give yourself a chance. i think you've followed some advice here to the letter (how to get numbers) and ignored a lot of other advice (how to move forward)

coming from this side i think it's important to adopt the advice given here and relate it to your personality and experience so far. there is a danger of trying to give responsibility for your actions to someone else (the guy on so suave advised me to do it) or seeking a quick fix solution (believe you're a don juan, next them etc) rather than understanding the actual issue. i'm all in favour of personal growth through understanding yourself but i imagine it must be very frustrating when trying to do it by adopting a new personality from scratch.

your a cool, funny guy. you've got people from all over the world following your progress. why don't you instead, perhaps concentrate on augmenting and strengthening what's already good and see the needy, weedy, emotionally uncontrolled tendancies as learned behaviours rather than personality traits and start reigning them in.

believe me i understand as i experience such thin skinned tendencies myself but reading your post has helped me to realise this, so i'm just trying to give it back to you. i'd recommend you read over your old posts as if the jayer were someone else and perhaps you'll see how many of the lost opportunities were given away.

good luck with it mate

 

[SickAgain]

Jayer, since you have constructed the lengthiest field report journal I have come across, why don't you put a post detailing what have you learned about the opposite sex since the inception of your journal. It might give the community a broader view of the cold pick up game and in interaction in general.

 

[thedeparted]

I think you're date went fine with the Southern girl. I don't know about kissing on the cheek--I usually do a hug. But whatever.

However, you should stick to calling women afterward. Not texting. It's more assertive. And let it lay for a few days before you do. If she is interested the extra time will NOT cause her to lose interest.

In fact, only your actions can lower her interest. Non-contact does not lower her interest in the short run.

However, the thing to understand is that these are street PUA's, and so you don't have the reinforcing context of other social venues. So flake rates are much higher. If you made the same efforts within a strong social context you'd be much further along. For a woman to let a random stranger off the street into her life is a much iffier proposition than to let a guy she knows through friends, church, school, work, etc. into her life. So keep that in mind with your flake rates.

That is also the reason why you SHOULD kiss close the street PUA's. In fact, you should try to f-close them. B/c they are the least likely to return your calls even if the date goes well. You have to sieze the moment -- not play it safe. That is my experience.

 

[saber]

jayer you are a trooper but one thing I noticed is...

So what can I learn from this? Don't try and kiss a south american girl on the 2nd date???? Be more forceful with the kiss instead of settling for her little fish mouth pecks???? If she gives you the cheek twice know that she isn't ready for it......? I guess I'll keep these things in mind. I just feel confused because before I'd be too shy to make a move and now that I was more agressive this happend....

When I started this dj journey I too was slow to make the moves but this is a mistake!

You should be aiming at sex imo but you must!! at the very least!! kiss on the first date!

The longer you wait the more awkward it becomes..If you are not sure push her hair behind her ear or grab her waist to gauge if the timing is right

 

[izza]

Dude, stop lying about your age. They don't need to know your age. But don't lie about it. That is lame and causes problems. From now on:

Her: How old are you?
You: 104.. but I don't look a day over 80, do I?

Second, the Spanish girl is not different from any other girls. Don't sit around and wait for a call from her. And don't play like you didn't notice she didn't call. Try calling and telling her you've been waiting for HOURS for her call, your cat needs a bath, you're afraid to run out for fresh milk, etc. Bust her balls on it, but move the ball forward.

Jayer, you are getting some great responses to this thread. What this guy's saying is really an excellent point of view.

Izza

 

[schttrj]

6 weeks = 42 days

42 days / 4 approaches = 1 approach every 10.5 days

10.5 * 100 = 1,050 days to do 100 approaches

At the current rate, it will take Jayer approximately 2.877 years to reach his goal, so we can look to see this thread concluded sometime around February 2008.

well, its April 18, 2008...

 

[Reyaj]

I've had a lot of responses to my last post so I want to address each of them; Before I do that I just want to try and post an update as best as I can...

So the southern girl completely flaked or is laying dead in some ditch somewhere. I actually ended up texting her the following day saying I was going to file a missing person report with the police lol.... no response or nothing. I normally would have told her to text me or call when she got in the same night but because of the advice I've received on this thread saying it was AFC I didn't do it. I waited a day later and then contacted her. Up until that point she had always responded to my texts but now she's completely ignored me. I'm sure she probably just flaked but considering I thought the date went well and even flakey girls respond to texts out of courteousy I wonder if something did happen..... I even had some friends out of state try calling to see if she picked up but she didn't..... this is actually one case where I really hope its just a flake....

but ok anyway lets go to the Jewish girl street pick up. Well she had given me her screen name, so every now and again we chat briefly online. She had wanted to meet up this past Thursday for coffee but I wasn't able to so I texted her the day before (couldn't call cause I was seeing the Spanish girl) saying I couldn't make it. She didn't respond to it. So the next day I texted her out of the blue asking if she was still alive lol... She responded back and asked what I meant.. and then said she did not get my previous texts. I called her that night, she didn't answer but called me back but talked briefly cause she wasn't feeling well. I texted her today to see how she was doing and she responded saying she was better and also asked about my day. She was online but busy at work... I told her I wanted to ask her something random and then she got curious... but I told her I'd just do it the next time we talk. So this one is still a possibility I guess.......

The Spanish girl... well we went out for dessert and coffee on wednesday. I picked her up and there was a lot of kino and she seems into me (or at least is a good actress then) I called her the next night she didn't answer... but called me back and said she was excercising. She called me today on her lunch but I didn't answer. I actually didn't call her back cause I was busy after work.... so she might get mad about that... but honestly she didn't calll me back last week when I was waiting to see her so I don't really care. We are supposed to do something tomorrow so we'll see how that goes.


I will respond to all your comments next... I again thank everyone for reading and supporting this. I am just so tired now I need to catch some sleep.

 

[Reyaj]

Ok all... its been a while since I posted here.... and unfortunately its because I got a little bit of the oneitis bug..... though the fate of that is really up in the air at this point and is probably terminally ill. Let me try and bring everyone up to date as well as respond to the advice I have recently received. Unfortunately because its been so long since I posted... the details are going to be a bit broad. Still let me do my best here to get up to date:

The Southern Girl and the Jewish street pick up girl are both gone. I randomly texted the southern girl about a week later calling her a curse word in Italian and to my surprise she responded back quoting the sopranos lol.... She then basically texted back "life got messy" and I then replied "I dont care I just wanted to know that u got back safe, other than that I don't think much of your character" We then traded some texts back and forth where I told her I really didn't want to be bothered by her... she finally texted "i apologize, are you satisfied" well I responded hours later saying "depends on how you're going to make it up to me" she responds fast "i wouldn't " I then told her to stop texting me and she said she got the hint. I then texted her a parting shot telling her to get some decent smelling perfume... that was pretty much that.... Except that for the heck of it I texted her that again two days ago (which was like a week in between) and she responds back with "whats your problem" I respond back "i was just trying to be friendly" She comes back with "I got back with my ex boyfriend leave me alone" I then text her back some insult and then she had the hick call me lol... I didn't pick up...

But here's the interesting part. I texted her back saying I'd make a deal with her. I said if she told me what turned her off about me when we hung out I wouldn't text her anything mean again. Well she basically said that she always had a boyfriend but thought she was going to break up with him. When she went to visit home that same week she decided not to. She said she liked me and that I seemed like a great guy she just felt guilty. I then asked why she couldn't at least text me and she said that since I texted her 2 days later she didn't think I cared that much... well that was that. We ended peacefully... since she supposeidely told me the truth.

Ok so the Jewish street pick up girl. We traded texts and I called her last week... she didn't answer but called me back saying she wasn't feeling well. We were supposed to get coffee on that thursday but I had an engagement I forgot about so I texted her that day saying I couldn't make it.. She didn't respond and then the next day said she didn't get me text. I tried to see if she had anytime on the weekend but she said she was too busy but we should try next week. So next week came around, I texted her on Monday saying hello and such in which she responded. I then asked if I was going to see her this week and she said she was completely busy. Well the next day I saw her online... I jokingly said so I hear you are busy the entire week... she responded back saying ok listen I have to be honest with you, I met someone.. I played it off like "yeah and whats your point" She's then like well I really like him and I don't see more than 1 person at once. This is all pretty funny by the way because we were talking just the week prior and a few days before. Whatever... my IL in her was low anyway. I basically made her feel stupid, traded some text message jabs, and she ended up blocking me on instant messenger awww boo hooo

Anyway that was that. Before I get into my Spanish girl oneitis I happend to do 1 approach and 1 number in interim which was 2 thursdays ago. I was at a college bar when a girl grazed by me. I sorta bumped into her on purpose and just led in with that as I have many times, then went for the name, what she studied, where from etc... It turns out she was of Italian descent so I made some convo about that, I then told her I had to go find my friend but to give me her number. Well she entered into my cell. She was a chubby chick, a solid 5, consideirng I was the Spanish girl who was an 8 my IL in her was low. So for the hell of it that night I texted her saying it was nice meeting her. She texted me back saying "it was nice meeting you too" Well I didn't call the next few days. Since I didn't care much about the follow up with this girl I texted her that Sunday and she texted back. I tried calling and then I texted her back but no answer. So the following day I texted her "so im curious but are all italian girls shady or are you the exception" Well she responded back fast "nah I'm the excpetion lol" she then said she was at work yesterday and fell aslseep afterwards which is why she didn't respond. She then asked for my last name cause she wanted to look me up on facebook which I guess on and was right. I ended up telling her I'd tell her on the phone if she answered when I called that day. Well i didn't call that day but the next day. We tlaked for like 5 mins it went ok.. I mean the girl is a lot younger than me and what not. She asked that I stop into her work today. I actually texted her yesterday saying to bring a friend to meet with me and a friend for coffee later. She didn't answer it and after I followed up she said all her friends have boyfriends or were bakc home. I told her I still wouldn't mind seeing her. She didn't respond..... Now I know I did everything wrong with this girl.. but honestly she was a 5 and I had low IL cause I was in a relationship with HB 8.

I need to catch everyone up on that as well as respond to the advice you've given. I am just so beat right now I am going to crash. I will post back tomorrow promise.

Thanks for the support all!

 

[wolf116]

You love drama like a girl. Control your self. You need to be nonreactive.

 

[Bible_Belt]

she responded back saying ok listen I have to be honest with you, I met someone.. I played it off like "yeah and whats your point" She's then like well I really like him and I don't see more than 1 person at once. This is all pretty funny by the way because we were talking just the week prior and a few days before. Whatever... my IL in her was low anyway. I basically made her feel stupid, traded some text message jabs, and she ended up blocking me on instant messenger

Didn't I tell you not to burn your bridges like that? That is immature and insecure behavior. At least she was honest with you. You should have just replied that you were happy for her and let her go. Obviously, you felt rejected that she chose another guy over you. I know, it sucks. Most of us have been there plenty of times. But don't take it so personally and keep the calm, cool, and collected mindset. Even if you hurt, don't let a woman see that you hurt.

 

[izza]

she responded back saying ok listen I have to be honest with you, I met someone.. I played it off like "yeah and whats your point" She's then like well I really like him and I don't see more than 1 person at once. This is all pretty funny by the way because we were talking just the week prior and a few days before. Whatever... my IL in her was low anyway. I basically made her feel stupid, traded some text message jabs, and she ended up blocking me on instant messenger

Didn't I tell you not to burn your bridges like that? That is immature and insecure behavior. At least she was honest with you. You should have just replied that you were happy for her and let her go. Obviously, you felt rejected that she chose another guy over you. I know, it sucks. Most of us have been there plenty of times. But don't take it so personally and keep the calm, cool, and collected mindset. Even if you hurt, don't let a woman see that you hurt.

Hmmm, how to put this...

Amen!!

The only thing I would add is that it's fine to feel hurt. It's fine to express this to a chick. The key - the KEY - and most guys miss this, is to express hurt with a joke.

I have been in this situation a lot. I dunno, it sucks, but there are lots of things you can say that are pretty honest but funny. I would say something like "what and now you're dropping your harem?" Or "You met someone? Look, I know I'm amazing, and I'm really flattered to have someone status - what do you find sexy about me, is it my rainbow suspenders?" Or "there is somebody else out there as great as me? Can I meet him sometime? I've been looking everywhere."

Those are probably corny, but the right one depends on the context.

Dude, CHICKS ARE NOT DUMB and are way more razor sharp than men. If you try to pretend you are not hurt, they will just *assume* you are hurt. If you get bitter, they will correctly assume you are bitter. At this point, you may have a chance with her, but you can also aim for her friends.

I think you have a lot to gain, if you genuinely like the chick to just saying, "Oh, I'm so happy to hear when people find another person they like. It's true that I think your love of reading is sexy (I love chicks who read, ok) but I am cool with being your friend too. Who is this guy, is he your milkman or something? Maybe it's a chick, that would be sweet. Also, do you happen to have any single friends who you'd introduce me to? I'm looking for a cool chick, preferably who speaks French, loves to sing, and supermodels on the side."

Fess up to being attracted to her, if you are. I have been in situations like those where I told the chick I was attracted. I told her I was trying to pick her up and I thought she was cute. When her relationship busted she contacted me right away... it paid off to just be honest and cool. When I feel hurt I just make a joke about feeling hurt. That is just normal, healthy, and honest.

Also, appreciate her directness, that is better and more respectful than not writing back.

Izza

 

[Reyaj]

Ok lets me get to all the responses and critcisms before I go into my spanish oneitis which in my mind is officially over at this point.

SickAgain,

You are right in that I should read over my journey and post what I've learned so far. I've been meaning to do that for a while now just haven't had a chance. Maybe I will be able to do it later.

Nice Guy is Gone,

Yeah maybe I am too persistent at times... but honestly this playing it cool stuff is over rated. Thats basically what I've been doing with my lastest HB 5 pick up... barely texting her... recently adding her to myspace... etc... The thing is you have to really strike when the iron is hot... and playing too many cat and mouse games just leaves you hanging with your **** in your hand at the end. Its all about balance.

Ezily,

No more kudos on the spanish girl.. She is completely gone which you will see why/what happend in my next post. You may criticise me hard for it.... but I actually did a lot of AFC things which is actually what kept her on the line for as long as I did. WHen I finally used DJ pride because of all the time reading this board thats what may have ultimately caused her to flake. You all be the judge. Still I was very fun and playful with her for as long as I could and thats one of the reasons she said she liked me. So kudos to you on that advice.


MacFa

You are right. My goal was to be able to approach girls which I've pretty much succeeded at. But I can't help but want more.... the fact that I am so attracted to them makes me want to hook up with them and escalate relationships for internal comfort as well. I do eventually want to find the one and settle down... but at least in the mean time get play from girls when the possibility is there. I think I need a lot of work on my mechanics and I really don't know where to start or what I am doing wrong in a lot of cases.... But your observation of me maybe expecting too much is right.. I should be more patient and just find pleasure in learning the lessons that I do through trials and tribulations.

The Departed

I agree one shouldn't show desperation... but honestly waiting too long to call and playing too many games doesn't work either. And it seems a lot of times the girls seem to know you are doing this and that turns them off. I think a girl needs to see you enough and hear from you enough where they can start to feel comfortable with you.... so that they are more open to hooking up and whatever else that leads to.

Saber,
Please tell me what part of the country you live where you can kiss or even F close girls the same day you meet them. Even on a first date Ill admit a kiss close is possible but an F close??? How realistic is that. You seriously F-close girls a lot on the first date??? You should be teaching seminars then man. From what I've been expereicing with these flakes I have to conclude there is a problem with my in person mechanics somewhere.....


BB

I know i know. But again I have to say and this is coming from experience... not telling a girl off is only the right thing to do in terms of being respectful to her.... and I'll admit I over do it. But the likelihood of hooking up with that girl at a later point is very slim. Girls will forget about you so fast and are constantly meeting new people. You must strike when the iron is hot with the right mechanics. THis i am convinced of now.... I just need to figure out those mechanics within myself. But there are a few girls I actually didn't tell off and just kind of ignored their flake. I will perhaps try and iniaite something with them in a few weeks just for the sake of experiment to see if anything can come of it.

I have to honestly say though that ignoring a girl when she is stupid and flaky really just makes her disappear into the sunset rarely to ever be heard from again.


Ok so before we get into my spanish oneitis situation and pick up from weeks ago where I left off and recap the story let me just update on the HB 5 plate I picked up like 2 weeks ago.

So we trade texts,... I talked to her on the phone once... she usually responded fast to my texts but actually ignored them a few days ago. I sort of confronted her about it (via text) and she said she wanted to know my last name so she could look me up on facebook. I told her to just admit she was drunk and wanted to see if I looked to her standards. She said that facebook tells a lot about person blah blah... Well I gave her my mypsace page and she added me. She didn't say anything but she has a lot of friends on there and clearly gets around somewhat....

Well I texted her the next day asking her when her semester ends.. and she responded back very fast that it was next wednesday. I didn't follow up after that... but I will give her a call tomorrow to talk and see if I can set up a meeting.. This is honestly a plate I don't care much about and therefore didn't put in my normal effort of calling and establishing rapport. When I text her or call it probably comes as a bit of surprise. We really don't have anything in common as she is only 21 but I'll see what I can do and keep all posted.

The fact was that spanish girl was a borderline HB 8 and possibly the hottest girl I ever went out with. That pretty much had me up and stung with oneitis and even put me into a relationship (that lasted 3 days lol) which I'm sure you will all rip me for... but you have to hear the honest details about why I did it.

Stay tuned...

Approaches 64
Numbers 39

 

[izza]

Jayer, I like your latest post.

Does it seem to you like you are growing and finding a new perspective? From reading your last post that was the strong impression I had and I want to congratulate you on it.

I believe any new point of view is another tool in our belt - right or wrong, better or worse - it can never hurt to understand things different ways.

Some of my favorite parts of your latest post:

SickAgain,

You are right in that I should read over my journey and post what I've learned so far. I've been meaning to do that for a while now just haven't had a chance. Maybe I will be able to do it later.

Great idea. (That part isn't "growth" I think you've had it in mind for a while, I just like it).

Nice Guy is Gone,

Yeah maybe I am too persistent at times... but honestly this playing it cool stuff is over rated. Thats basically what I've been doing with my lastest HB 5 pick up... barely texting her... recently adding her to myspace... etc... The thing is you have to really strike when the iron is hot... and playing too many cat and mouse games just leaves you hanging with your **** in your hand at the end. Its all about balance.

Fvck it, hellz yeah. Not only are you right, but I like the way you express it. I am going to take that phrase, "strike while the iron is hot", because that will be helpful to me. Thanks.

MacFa

You are right. My goal was to be able to approach girls which I've pretty much succeeded at. But I can't help but want more....

Great insight into ourselves. We succeed and then we want more. Jayer, just make sure you CELEBRATE every step forward you take. Jayer, we never reach exactly where we want to be. All we can do is just keep taking steps. When you succeed in this humble way, be sure to celebrate. It's the height of human achievement in any moment. Take yourself out - whatever your mood, and pat yourself on the back. It's important. But, that said, your insight shows that you've come to a new place.

for internal comfort as well.

That is a key insight. What do you mean by this?

I think I need a lot of work on my mechanics and I really don't know where to start or what I am doing wrong in a lot of cases.... But your observation of me maybe expecting too much is right.. I should be more patient and just find pleasure in learning the lessons that I do through trials and tribulations.

Wow, excellent. You are taking full responsibility for failures with women (how often do you hear guys who think all women are slvts? NO, men and women have faults but by correcting precious few faults, great women are not hard to come by...). I don't know if this was a step for you, but it's a great attitude.

AND, you are recognizing that EVERY STEP of picking up women should be what Aristotle calls an end in itself. Put more simply, every action you take with women should be fun. So much fun, you are not concerned about results but about enjoying the process.

If this is your attitude, success finds itself.

A lot of guys do something that makes them miserable now for hopes of sex later and it just trashes their game. Guys who actually learn to like approaching do much, much better. I've seen both. Good for you.

The Departed

I agree one shouldn't show desperation... but honestly waiting too long to call and playing too many games doesn't work either. And it seems a lot of times the girls seem to know you are doing this and that turns them off. I think a girl needs to see you enough and hear from you enough where they can start to feel comfortable with you.... so that they are more open to hooking up and whatever else that leads to.

A profound truth.

Saber,
Please tell me what part of the country you live where you can kiss or even F close girls the same day you meet them. Even on a first date Ill admit a kiss close is possible but an F close??? How realistic is that. You seriously F-close girls a lot on the first date??? You should be teaching seminars then man. From what I've been expereicing with these flakes I have to conclude there is a problem with my in person mechanics somewhere.....

Chicago. Where are you from man? I haven't heard of any part of the states where it's hard. I overhear so many chicks talking about how they're going to such and such club and want to meet a guy or are feeling horny or whatever. I heard a girl after a critical mass bike ride say, "where's the after-party, I want to get some critical-a$$." I haven't had an f-close personally. Then again, I am paranoid about pregnancy and STDs. I've been in situations where I know some girl is just looking for some guy to fvck. I hate that feeling and that kind of repulses me.

For those of you who know more about me, I am more interested in challenging myself - I force women to like me for my spirit and my humor, not for looks or for meeting their vagina's demands of the moment. When I want to masturbate, I masturbate and don't involve other people. When I want some real intimacy, I am not looking for a girl who wants a c0ck to get her off... They are terrible in bed.

BB

...I just need to figure out those mechanics within myself.

What I like about this is that you're taking responsibility for changing yourself. Change your inner dynamics - those cynical beliefs and the unconscious self-criticism - and getting women really isn't that difficult.

Ezily,
...

You may criticise me hard for it.... but I actually did a lot of AFC things which is actually what kept her on the line for as long as I did. WHen I finally used DJ pride because of all the time reading this board thats what may have ultimately caused her to flake. You all be the judge. Still I was very fun and playful with her for as long as I could and thats one of the reasons she said she liked me. So kudos to you on that advice.

Do you mean that DJ techniques failed or worked for you here?

I have to honestly say though that ignoring a girl when she is stupid and flaky really just makes her disappear into the sunset rarely to ever be heard from again.

Amen.

A lot of great things here. One point that confused me, and I'd like to hear a clarification of this, is what you mean by oneitus. There are a lot of guys on this board who just simply have feelings for a chick, but are so terrified of them, and the vulnerability that comes with it, that they fight them and label them with a disease-oid title.

In some cases, the feelings involved are not just completely natural but BENEFICIAL. Pure sexual chemistry. Girls can see it in your eyes. Girls can smell it. It turns them on. Dude, why are these guys FIGHTING those feelings?! They are your best friend.

But, granted, to nerds like us they can be overwhelming. You think about the chick all the time, your hands sweat when she's around, you think you might love her but you don't even know her, your heart races, you want her to think you're amazing. You are terrified of her rejection and no other chick seems to matter or have any beauty at all. These are all normal, healthy emotions to a certain degree. Don't misunderstand, the secret is just learning how to manage them.

They can be managed in a healthy way, and then you get mind-blowing sex. Or they can be managed the wrong way and you spend all your money on her new Ferrari and you don't even kiss her.

If you can't manage these feelings well, you're not ready to be a DJ. Period. The ebb and flow of wonderful women in your life would tear you to shreds, like the tides turning a boulder to sand. It's that simple.

Nothing wrong with that. Most people are that way. That's why DJs are so rare. They aren't emotionally mature enough.

Keep in mind that it's far worse to manage the feelings badly than not have them at all.

So I'm confused what feelings you're having, and why you are labeling them as a disease. I think the worst disease you can have is not feeling those emotions at all. If you get that that dead zone, you are screwed with women, even if you bang a few here and there. Your sexuality and ability to connect with women on a deeper level is completely gone.

Let's keep in mind that connecting with women on a deeper level is a must for facilitating those f-closes we were discussing earlier. In fact, I find it's hard to actually get myself to WANT to f-close a girl without a connection being there. Some part of you knows it's not worth the trouble.

The fact was that spanish girl was a borderline HB 8 and possibly the hottest girl I ever went out with. That pretty much had me up and stung with oneitis and even put me into a relationship (that lasted 3 days lol)

Maybe you see what I mean.

Izza

 

[Reyaj]

Izza thanks for the great reply as always. I still haven't obvously posted about this... and its a combination of me not having time plus I'm not really sure what's going on. You are right in that the feeling i had with this girl is one that every human being should experience to be genuinely happy. I just don't know if she felt the same way about me.. and as you said you have to learn to manage these feelings which I do for the most part pretty well.

I guess the thing here is that I basically was in something where she had the majority of the power (though not by much) and I actually lost sight of my goal of this thread which is to approach as many women as possible. When I was with her, she really was my main focus.

Alright you know what let me try and summarize what happend between me and this girl and where i'm at with it now. I'm going to keep it as short as possible. After leaving her a voice mail message a friend of mine helped me out with in Spanish, she called me back and basically said she doesn't kiss guys that soon etc... I think I actually covered that part already. So anyway I played it off as a joke and kept my cool. Ended up going out with her a few more times... did some kino but didn't try to kiss her at all. Finally one day we were talking on the phone as we usually do... and I told her that its hard for me to be around her and not want to kiss her.. She said that she felt she knew me better now and wanted to kiss me too..

So the next time we went out we walked by the pier... sat down finally I looked in her eyes.. was obviously shy and she said I could kiss her, so I leaned in and did. Now after this we still talked on the phone almost daily (although there were times I called ater 9pm and she didn't call me back until the next day) and times I tried to play it cool and didn't call her back after I tried and she tried back etc.... but anyways... she kept saying how she told her family about me... and they always asked if I was her boyfriend or not.. and she never knew what to tell them.

So basically I took this as she was dropping hints that she wanted to be in a relationship.. She even jokingly mentioned things about marriage though she laughed and these were blatant jokes (though it showed she saw me as relationship material)

Ok so the last time I saw her was 2 weeks ago.... we basically just hung out and went to the bookstore. I kino'd her and held hands and did the usual. So at the end of the night we kissed and i asked her to be my girlfriend. She said we could try it and that was that. Now I had a little trip I was going away with one of my friends a few days later. We talked on the phone before hand and she basically found out that I was a little bit younger than she thought (she is pushing 30) which is only about 2 years or so. Still she seemed ok about it and she gave me kisses through the phone that night as she usually does.

Ok so the next day she actually called me during her lunch at work to wish my a safe trip..... though her tone of voice seemed different and she wouldn't send me phone kisses cause people were around (kind of got me suspicious) but whatever. She then said I could call her when I get down to where I was going. Well since I was busy with my friend I didn't...

Now here is the important thing I forgot to mention. She had asked me to set aside that saturday for the 2 of us to go out dancing. I agreed and when I talked to her that same day I left she was all for it. Ok so Friday night I call her around 7pm.... no answer... I don't leave a message

Now usually she calls back but this time she didn't...... its 3 hours later (here is where the AFC starts) I decide to call again and this time I leave a message saying I want to know what the deal is for tomorrow. She calls me back 40 minutes later (here is where the DJ comes into play) and I'm already annoyed she didn't call me back sooner so I don't answer. She leaves me some message that she is with family. Well I call her the next day around noon she doesn't answer. She calls me back about 15 minutes later and I'm in the shower. So I call back as soon as I get out and I get her voice mail. I leave her a message saying we are playing phone tag but to call me back because I will have my phone by me.

Well here is the kicker right here! She calls me back like 3 hours later and says she has to cancel tonight because she has to meet up with a friend of hers to give things to her family back in her country. Well I couldn't help but be mad here and she could certainly hear it in my voice. Not only did she cancel last minute on me but it sounded like an excuse because giving things to a friend isn't something that takes the whole night. Well I told her I'd call her back and I never did...

She didn't call me at all....

So finally on Wednesday I decided to write her an email saying I just wanted to find out what her reason is for flaking. I told her I suspected me being younger than her turned her off. I also told her it was disrespectful to cancel on my last minute etc...


Well she responds back on Friday (2 days later and she checks her email everyday I know it!) saying that my age doesn't bother her.... and that she was going to ask me to come with her on Saturday to meet her friend (she didn't suggest it when I talked to her though it was brief cause I was made) and that it was a misundestanding. Then she tried to flip it saying that when I have things to do she always comes second etc... Then at the end of the email she says "If this your way of getting away from me thats fine, I'm sorry if I hurt you in anyway"

Well I responded back Sunday with simply this "maybe we should clarify this over coffee"

I haven't heard back and I'm debating calling her.

Here's how i know I have oneitis though. I'm actually thinking of calling her on the phone even though my instinct is telling me she isn't interested in me anymore. Reading what I wrote it may sound like she is... but she doesn't seem to be putting much effort into it. Any other girl I don't have feelings for thats an automatic next....

Maybe I won't call her and my DJism will get the best of me. Stay tuned...

 

[SickAgain]

So many mistakes, but still very fixable. You need to read up on some of the informative threads here.

1) Never talk about kissing.
2) Never talk about relationships or marriage.
3) Never confront about flaking.

 

[Reyaj]

Well I tried calling her... no answer.... she hasn't called back either.... whatever....

 

[Reyaj]

Yep no call back or nothing. This girl is officially nexted.

I'm pretty much over it but I just want to see if I can learn something from this. Maybe I should have been calmer when she broke the date with me and told her in a nice manner that I didn't appreciate it. I just couldn't help but sense she was flaking and I figured I could save face by practically hanging up on her (though I said I'd call her back and I never did). This girl at her age is definitely a pro and she had me for a bit.... but maybe my insecurity did get the best of me.... or maybe I was clairvoyant to see her flakiness. I guess I'll really never know as how it is with many girls.

I need to learn from every situation. What do you all think? Was I right to be upset that she cancelled on me last minute with a weak excuse like that? I think if she was interested in me or if the IL was high she would have called me sometime over the week which she didn't.

I am so tempted to send this girl a mean message......

 

[SickAgain]

Always be the man with options. If you don't have options, act like you do. This should solve most of your issues.