Jayer's 100 Approach Journal (Will Finish 100 approaches no matter what)

[izza]

Izza thanks for taking the time to response. Upon reading what you said it sounds like you are basically saying to approach women that I want to and not just for the whole "numbers" game aspect of it. To be honest that's a big part of the ultimate goal for me of this journal. Before I started doing this I would never approach women.... now even though I may not want to I'm trying to learn something in every interaction. When it is over I am certainly going to study my whole journey with this thread and see what observations I can come up with based on my experiences vs the common theories most people post on here.

You're welcome Jayer. One thing I really liked about your response is that you were honest about how your life goals weren't in harmony with what I was saying. I had a feeling right away that you are a really thoughtful and humble person. This will serve you well and help you develop faster than most people, certainly faster than I did. I'm not sure I would summarize what I was saying to "focus on fun and drop the numbers game." That's a big part of it. I think your goals of learning something from every interaction, and your goals of summarizing what you've learned are really important. I'm reminded of the Biblical saying, "you can't serve two masters." If the pursuit of numbers controls what you do socially, I think you will have a really hard time learning to have fun.

I could tell you how often I see people puncture holes in their ability to interact normally and fulfillingly with other human beings by being so goal-oriented. I could tell you that learning to have fun is about learning to drop long-term goals in the moment and follow what you really actually want to do in the moment, even if that means not talking to that chick. And I could tell you that fun will elude you until you stop using your interactions other human beings to fulfill abstract goals like ladies approached, or experiments, or learning, or some post that will summarize an entire year. You know I could sit here and tell you these things. I know I could. And I think I would sort of be wasting my time and yours. Let's face it, your goal of approaching 1000 chicks is really cool. I think it's awesome. Fvck it, I want you to be able to say you got there and have all these stories to tell about it.

If you were at the point of picking goals right now, I would try to persuade you to pick a different goal. But hell, now that you've set it - why not, that's pretty cool. Women aren't everything, the quality of your social interactions isn't everything. You've got to do things for yourself too. Which is a bit ironic, because if you focused on fun and dropped all your other motivations, I think you'd do better with women. Like I said, there are other things in life and I think this is awesome. I think your courage and determination with this goal are ironically hindering real success life in terms of enjoyment and fulfillment. I want you to understand the costs of what you're doing. I also want you to know that just reading your posts make me really proud of you and I admire you a lot.

And it sounds to me like your inner sense of fun is telling you to keep pursuing this goal, despite its cost in terms of success with women. That's why I support you. Whatever your heart wants is wonderful to me.

Ok, since we've agreed that I like your goal of 1000 approaches, I have an idea that will help you be more fun and have more fun right away. I bet you never mention this goal of 1000 approaches to women you approach. If I'm right, that's a huge mistake!!! Have people been telling you to take advantage of this GOLD MINE of excellent material? Tell chicks you were tired of staring at sexy ladies from across the room, you were socially awkward, and so you hatched the insane idea of approaching 1000 women, which has brought you on a three-year saga.

Make sure you get that chick talking too (Juggler says to ask big questions and have really high expectations: what's your story, what's the meaning of life, how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie roll pop? That sort of thing) and you will be rolling.

Talk a lot about any massages or sex you've gotten out of this in incredible detail and compellingly. I think you will be able to escalate the sexual tension pretty easily.

Also, if telling chicks seems scary, make sure you've told all your friends and family first about this insane plot of yours. Once you can tell the friends and family, you can tell the chicks, no problem.

I will certainly try to have fun with everything I'm doing on here from now on and not take it so personally when these girls keep flaking. It's just that after a while it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.... I guess it's all how you look at it.

Normal, healthy people take it personally when girls flake, Jayer. It's ok. It hurts and it sucks. I am not claiming to be an expert on chicks. I am great at having fun - I never drink, ever. I go out to bars and everyone thinks I'm hammered, because I don't need alcohol to be free. I am also really good at knowing myself and boosting my self-esteem. The truth is, if all these chicks are flaking on you, you probably could be doing quite a number of small things better. That's ok, you're learning.

I will tell you one thing - the pain you feel and which sucks a lot, also helps you find flaws in your self-esteem. Once you find those flaws you can heal them. I've already given you more information than I think you are ready to digest one post, so I will stop there.

So regarding being fun.... do you mind sharing some dates and interactions in detail you've had with women who you did find interesting? I think hearing about them will help put me in a fun frame of mind and hopefully improve my success.

I'd love to answer your question about recent dates (I am an inveterate story teller). You will need to answer my question first, though. What has been the best part of your saga?

Izza

 

[fea8899]

But I got myself together and tried as hard as I could to keep myself from ****ting my pants..

Dude I am literally laughing out loud right now. How many times are you on the verge of ****ting your pants during a date? See a doc man!

 

[Reyaj]

Homey, I've been reading your posts for the last 1 hour. Congrats on the progress. I just had to post when I saw this quote...bro you've got a funny sense about you, keep it up. The honesty and frankness you've displayed in this thread has been amazing, it has helped me relate to it as I'm progressing myself too.

Thanks so much! I'm glad you are able to enjoy my candiness. Reading support from everyone is also very encouraging. I've recently hit a string of flakes unfortunately so I am hoping that will change.

Just a few items. It's actually 100 approaches which is what my goal is. If you look at the top of the thread it says 100 but for some error the subject line got changed along the way to 1000.

Maybe a moderator can correct this?

Well anyway just a quick update before I respond to izza.

Yesterday I texted the HB 7 dumb bakery girl around 7pm "so when are we getting sangria" (she had mentioned she likes drinking it) There was no response... I pretty much expected this. She probably hooked up with someone else the night before anyway since she was going out with her friends. Well I texted her 4 hours later

"damn just because I'm clean shaven and shower everyday lol"

this basically was an insult to her because she is pretty much your bar fly that sort of looks white trash..... I don't think she even got this though... whatever, NEXT

I also texted the PR mom early in the day and said "che fai bella" Which means what are you doing beautiful... there was no response from her at all.

So around 10:00pm just for the hell of it I texted her "NEXT!"

SHe responded back "what are you talking about!? what is wrong with u"

lol whatever.... now that's what I call having fun. I can explain the reason for her flaking... I cancelled out of going to her party when I said I would previously.... that doesn't matter.... and I can explain the HB 7 bakery girl flaking because I was just so uncomfortable with the logistics when we met up..... these don't phase me...

I still have the 40 year old girl chasing me... she is texting me calling my names like sweetie and love.... I just have to decide whether or not 40 is too old to mess with. She does look good but you can clearly see she is older....

Izza

as I read more and more of your responses it starts to become more clearer. The fact that I'm so goal oriented distracts me from being myself naturally and just having fun with everything. I don't know if I'm willing to go to the extreme of telling girls what I'm doing with this whole experiment but I certainly wouldn't mind opening them up with playful lines like that....

I have to admit the whole approach thing is fun sometimes... even when girls are stuck up as hell and don't give me the time of day I actually giggle sometimes of the whole context of the situation. I guess that's having fun man... just being yourself enjoying the moments of life...

The truth is man I have a lot of inhibitions I need to get passed before I can truly excel. A true DJ would have handled the situation with that chick and the girl and her boyfriend with ease... but I just felt uncomfortable and wanted out of there asap.... that basically killed it.

I definitely want to hear your stories izza so I'll answer your question. The best part of my saga thus far has been the realization that I inherently have what it takes to get women and that I just need to bring out my super character that's deep inside me.

This of course is present challenge....

 

[Reyaj]

Dude I am literally laughing out loud right now. How many times are you on the verge of ****ting your pants during a date? See a doc man!

I know... it's cause I eat crap.... but yeah this definitely is a liability to me lol

 

[izza]

Yesterday I texted the HB 7 dumb bakery girl around 7pm "so when are we getting sangria"

All right, I'll tell you a date I went on and a mistake I made. I reconnected with some chick from HS through Facebook. She kept talking about pizza and how much she loves pizza. I hate these chicks that are constantly on a diet, and who don't live life. I can even be attracted to larger chicks if they love food enough. People that love life are sexy to me. That's what I told her on the phone. So we went out. And I had sort of made a rule for myself: never make the first date about anything but us. Don't make it about a food we both like, a cool cafe, roller blading. No, I make it about the conversation that we have and I don't even want her to say "well if the date sucks at least I can eat good pizza." When I go on a date, it's about two people and I don't like distractions.

You're not going to think much of my recent date ideas - there's nothing to them, I just go somewhere and talk and laugh. If a chick has a brain and is fun to talk to, it's no problem. I'm not really interested in a girl I can't just sit somewhere and talk with.

So I should have said no to pizza but damn it, I love pizza too and she said she knew a great place. So I went. I was super nervous going into it. The date went ok. She had kind of gotten the idea that she was setting the agenda and this was all about her, partially because of the pizza. And we were in her territory, so I was feeling a bit owned. I kinda wish I had planned otherwise and just taken her to a sh!t pizza place in my neighborhood. I also set the time too early - something like 8 pm on a Monday.

When we finished eating she had laundry to do and bolted out of there to do other things she planned to do after eating with me. We weren't super compatible anyway - it sometimes takes me a while to warm up to people who are less well traveled than I am.

So in short, I did a lot of things I would do differently next time. But she was right, the pizza was amazing! It was totally worth it. When we finished eating, she gave me a handshake lol. I think months earlier I would have been crushed or felt like I should have escalated more. I just laughed. I've been calling her Miss Handshake ever since.

In short, don't offer to do what the chick is talking about wanting to do. Talk about you and her, as people, enjoying themselves. The place or activity (unless it's sensual) doesn't matter. I would recommend making you and her the center of attention.

as I read more and more of your responses it starts to become more clearer. The fact that I'm so goal oriented distracts me from being myself naturally and just having fun with everything.

The truth is for you to decide. You know your life better than I do.

I don't know if I'm willing to go to the extreme of telling girls what I'm doing with this whole experiment but I certainly wouldn't mind opening them up with playful lines like that....

Just a thought for you: I'm noting your language and how you say telling chicks about this plot of yours is extreme. I view this a different way: tellings chicks how I spend my time and my life is just plain normal and healthy. If approaching is how you're spending your time, then approaching is what you're thinking about. If approaching is what you're thinking about, approaching is probably what you should be talking about.

I tell chicks all the time that I pick up chicks on the bus - not to show off (believe me, chicks think I'm trying to "DHV" and they think less of me. I have to convince them afterwards that I'm saying that because it's just true.)

I think it's fun to talk about what really matters to me, and the challenges I face in my life right now. That's just normal. If this 100 approaches is the big thing going on in your life, I think you will have a lot more fun talking about approaching than the less meaningful things I assume you talk about. And also, chicks will say amazing things and support you and give you great insight. I've always been a fan of giving random chicks a chance to make me stronger. You probably think I'm christian now, but I will rewrite this to say the random kindness of strangers is a lot of fun to receive.

I agree with you, though. Personally, I wouldn't open with "I'm approaching 100 women" - unless I was in a really good mood, and I'd have to have a lot of ridiculous material to back it up. "I approached this bum one time and asked her for a quarter."

I have to admit the whole approach thing is fun sometimes... even when girls are stuck up as hell and don't give me the time of day I actually giggle sometimes of the whole context of the situation. I guess that's having fun man... just being yourself enjoying the moments of life...

Great! I still don't think being shot down is much fun. It's not supposed to be. Actually wait, it can be kind of funny. I just burst out laughing and I make fun of her. "What? Who wouldn't want to drink coffee with the sexiest chess player in town?!" A lot of the time, I end up being not so shot down. That's the dance of dating. Most of the time if you laugh and make a joke that's actually funny (as opposed to bitter or hostile or condescending), the dance isn't over.

One time I met some chicks after grocery shopping. I was just talking to them, they were really nice. I offered them some grapes and they refused. At some point, one chick disappeared suddenly. I said, "I think she's afraid of grapes." The other chick was just laughing - once she saw how I reacted, I could feel that she was impressed.

The problem I see a lot of people having, and I have this problem, though it's better than it once was: guys give up too early. We have to remember that dating is a dance, and nothing is sexier than a guy who keeps his calm and his sense of humor and is open about things. Like one time I was trying and trying and trying to pick up this one asian chick. Nothing was working. At that time, I wasn't smart enough to ask if she had a bf, which she did and was the reason for the rejection. But at the time, I was smart enough to say ok well talk to you later. I pursued other chicks for three months then I got back to her. We ended up going out later. I'm learning that sometimes it's just time to put a phone number in your pocket and wait.

The truth is man I have a lot of inhibitions I need to get passed before I can truly excel. A true DJ would have handled the situation with that chick and the girl and her boyfriend with ease... but I just felt uncomfortable and wanted out of there asap.... that basically killed it.

I'm still there. Annoying isn't it? So what kind of strategies are you using to overcome inhibitions? I am always a student.

I definitely want to hear your stories izza so I'll answer your question. The best part of my saga thus far has been the realization that I inherently have what it takes to get women and that I just need to bring out my super character that's deep inside me.

This of course is present challenge....

Ok, well I agreed to tell a story in exchange for that. But let's do better. What I really want to know is what has been the best moment of this saga? We inveterate story tellers like good stories. Facts bore us. Well, that fact is kind of cool - and you're right, you need to bring out that character from inside. Keep telling people about this saga of yours, and your super character will come out faster. I can absolutely promise you that. It's scary to tell people about it. Been there

I'll trade you another date I went on recently for your best moment. This date ended better.

Izza

 

[Mr. Me]

The women are flaking on you because you're overfrickinwhelming them. From what I've read on your thread, you text/call way too much and way too soon.

Try pulling back. Wait a few days before you call them. Let them savor anticipating you contacting them. Be more of a rare scarce diamond than a common everyday pebble. And even then, just use the phone to chat 5 minutes and make a date. Not for trading C&F barbs endlessly back and forth. They're getting in your way.

she responds back "I'm going out to the racetrack tomorrow you can come if you want"

I respond back "that sounds like fun, I'll call you tomorrow I have to wake up early for work"

Well anyway the next day after work I call her..... no answer of course

and

The text read "hey what are you doing tonight"

Well I texted her back an hour later "After work I'm going to go out looking for places to move, why whats up?"

She responds back "I'm going out for some drinks with friends later, you could come"

Well I respond back "where are you going'

Do you realize that you're basically signaling to these women that you are at their beck and call? That you're willing to drop whatever you have planned in order to make yourself available to them? Or that you don't much going on for yourself in your life? Whether it's true or not, that's the underlying message you're sending out.

Now that's a major turn off for women.

You have to be more like:

she responds back "I'm going out to the racetrack tomorrow you can come if you want"

I respond back "That sounds like fun, but I'm busy with stuff tomorrow. Next Thursday's good for me, though. Let's get together then."

and

The text read "hey what are you doing tonight"

I called her back the next day and told her to join me for a drink next Thursday.

If the gal calls asking you out for a definite date about a week ahead of time, then you accept. But for a last minute date, nuh uh. You already have plans set.

 

[HarlequinMan]

Jayer ive been reading your thread and....do you have a count on the #of approaches? Id like to know how many youve got in almost 3 years...how many are you doing every week?

 

[librito]

hey jayer..
keep it going bro.....

I almost never post but just because is you I will tell you the best advise that I can anybody that wants to improve his situation with women...
why is the best advise coming from myself? I was stuck in all the pick up bull crap for 4 years and this step was the only one that got me where I really want to be..... this method is very simple but you need to have the balls of steel just to try it....
women are as simple as men and thats the reason we shouldnt be running around in circles and hiding our real intentions...THEY KNOW WHAT WE WANT THE SECOND WE START A CONVERSATION WHITH THEM. all this nonesence about not showing interest right away is bull crap. ALSO,,,, AS MOST WOMEN SAY AND BELieVE ME I ASKED A BUNCH OF THEM....women know if you have a chance to fuk them within the first 5 minutes of knowing you.
with all that said...

the method that changed my life is
THE DIRECT METHOD.
ALL, AND I MEAN ALL OF MY APROACHES START WITH THIS SENTENCE.
"excuse me, I just noticed that you were here like about 30 seconds ago{{{or you put whatever timing you wish)))))) and the first thing that came to my mind is that I gotta get to know you, thats the reason why Im talking to you right now. whats your name?

why do I love this method so much? becuase its direct and to the point.
once you tell them this they know exactly what you want and they know they cant play games with you or waist your time.

the other good thing about this is that they will reject you within the first 4 minutes of meeting you by telling you that they have a boyfriend(never ask them if they do have one) or some other bull CRAP OR
THE
CONVERSATIONS WILL GO STRAIGHT TO RAPPORT BECAUSE SHE WILL BE AMAZED BY YOUR COURAGE TO START A CONVERSATION WITH HER THE WAY YOU DID...notice that most probably noone EVER TALK TO HER THIS WAY BEFORE.
the only trick to make this method effective is that you have to appear as confident as possible and to start appearing as confident as you can you will have to open with this method like about 5 to 10 different girls. YOU WILL SAVE YOURSAVE A LOT OF TIME ONCE YOU START DOING THIS.

 

[Reyaj]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Things have been hectic lately so I don't have time to comment on each tip though I will when I get some free minutes I promise. Just know I have read all of it and will try to apply it as possible. I just want to write a very fast update of this weekend. I went 1 for 1 technically though this girl looks real flaky. I ended up hooking up with a friend of a friend which doesn't of course count as part of the journal but since the approach happend the same night I will post about it!

I was at this popular bar/club I usually hang out with and my friend brought his girlfriend who brought a friend whom I previously met last week. I was attracted to this girl when I first met her a week ago and I thought she might be attracted to me but I wasn't sure plus she has baggage (getting divorced etc..)




So anyway I was told before the girl showed up that this girl wanted to come to the club and game other guys if she was interested. I didn't let this rattle me but I was glad I knew as I basically greeted her and talked to her sporadically while talking to my other friends and then moving about the club to sarge.

Well during this time I spotted some sets and I went in with my usual openers... one example was asking this girl who was tall, "how tall are you" and then taking it from there to work her friend. Now I did take the advice of "having fun" into account as I felt this girl was giving me real cold blunt answers and I really didn't bother going for the Number Close....

It was all warm up....

So anyway as I was going back and forth from talking to my friends and this girl (who ended up being confused as to why I wasnt all over her) I walked across the dance floor. I saw this asian girl come towards me. Now i'll admit i was pretty drunk so I can't remember for the life of me how I opened her up... but I ended up askign her name nationality and then number closed immediately. She took my phone and entered her number in.... we were both kinoing each other while talking.... but the whole pick up probably was like 2 minutes flat if that...

I called her 3 days later... she sort of remembered me but quoted a different town so she probably met other guys too. She said she was 21 and drunk and to call back on a day when she was sober. I asked why she was drinking on a tuesday and she said she just finished school..... (weird but whatever) I texted her today just telling her my name in case she forgot... but no response. Probably just another flake.....

But anyway that same night I ended up dancing with this girl.... started talking close to her in her ear... and then just basically went in and kissed her smoothly.... I let my libido take over as we hooked up all night on the dance floor, then in the backseat on the ride home.... and then I got a bj in my car from her before taking her home. I tried to unbutton her pants 3 times... but she gave me the old ASD.... yet she wanted to get me off... So I didn't exactly want to stop her from doing that.






Approaches 56
Numbers 35

 

[Reyaj]

So I never got a call back from the filipino girl... to be funny this morning I text her "just cause Im not filipino doesnt mean you can't talk to me " I probably won't get a response..... though I may be onto something thats obvious.... The more rapport you establish during a convo the less chance of an initial flake.....

Now of course thats obvious.... but most of the time my mentality has been to number close asap...... the last few times (aside from this recent filipino girl) I've stayed in convo a bit longer before bailing out..... I'll have to try it in the future to see if it really makes a difference of if number closing asap and leaving an aura of mystery is really better.

I also saw the HB 7 bakery girl at a bar yesterday.. she was getting macked on by some other dude.... I texted her today anyway just for kicks to let her know I saw her...

I know I know why bother.... its cause I'm bored as hell lol.... trust me I have no interest in her

 

[izza]

So I never got a call back from the filipino girl... to be funny this morning I text her "just cause Im not filipino doesnt mean you can't talk to me " I probably won't get a response..... though I may be onto something thats obvious.... The more rapport you establish during a convo the less chance of an initial flake.....

I just hope that's actually hilarious to you. That doesn't seem hilarious to me to send a message saying "just cuz you're filipino, doesn't mean you can't talk to me." That seems passive-aggressive and unproductive to me - or at least liable to be perceived that way. Unless this is some running joke between you two.

Anyway, there are other ways to let her know you expect a response. First of all, that's the kind of thing I generally do later. Like some girl doesn't respond... I just contact her later when maybe she'll be less busy. I demonstrate that I'm awesome. I crack jokes, I fascinate her, I scare her a little in conversation. Then once she thinks I'm amazing, I go back and say stuff like "I texted you a while back. Did you Filipino cell phone get busted by an earthquake over there?" I dunno, that's a lame example.

If you insist on bringing it up, suggest something concrete she can do to demonstrate that it wasn't a slight to you. Some chick was apologizing to me for not calling me, and I said she could give me a slice of pizza and a massage.

Note: this is not a manipulation or a trick. It actually helps me feel better about their not getting back to me when chicks buy me pizza. It sets up other things that are true as well: I have high expectations, I expect them to get back to me if they want me in their life. Etc.

But I try to hold off on this kind of thing and give chicks who deserve it the benefit of the doubt. Sh!t happens, dude. The more your friends and family make you feel like an amazing person, the less you will take some stranger girl not calling you back as a criticism. There is no shortcut though. You have to BE a truly amazing person by your own standards before whimsical chicks stop bugging you personally.

Now of course thats obvious.... but most of the time my mentality has been to number close asap...... the last few times (aside from this recent filipino girl) I've stayed in convo a bit longer before bailing out..... I'll have to try it in the future to see if it really makes a difference of if number closing asap and leaving an aura of mystery is really better.

Hmm, I'm not sure. That's a good question. I don't really know.

I would say forget whether or not you're leaving an aura of mystery. You should extend a conversation until you've found out things about who she is that make you attracted to her as a person and not a piece of meat. If you play this right and tell the chick she is sexy for that thing you like - which again is not a trick or a manipulation because at this point, it should be true - it doesn't really matter that much when you bail out. You've already established your agenda, and if she gives you a phone number, she is implicitly acknowledging your agenda and accepting it.

Makes everything much easier

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with liking a girl for being drop dead gorgeous. I am saying that you should be expecting more from women than beauty. Expect higher than sex and beauty. Sex and beauty are everywhere and so easy to obtain. There's really no worthy challenge there. Demand more from life. Find chicks with soul who make your life better, who you actually like as a person. Filter out chicks who don't.

I think you'll find that if you start asking more from people, you'll find more in everyone. That helps your game a lot.

I also saw the HB 7 bakery girl at a bar yesterday.. she was getting macked on by some other dude.... I texted her today anyway just for kicks to let her know I saw her...

I know I know why bother.... its cause I'm bored as hell lol.... trust me I have no interest in her

I trust you that you have no interest in her. If you did still have interest in her, that would be *OK*, too. We don't get to control how we feel, just what we do. So long as you're not chasing some chick who's bad news, that's what counts. Anyway, you sound really jealous, so if you still feel attracted to her, at least be honest about it, even if you're not pursuring her for your own good.

You saw her getting macked? Oh man, that can be such a great source of material to make her laugh. "He seemed to really like your scones" or "He seemed like he was excited to call you for tips on making blueberry muffins for his grandmother."

Still, be happy for her if she's happy to be macked. It's always nice to see lust in the air

Izza

 

[Reyaj]

I just hope that's actually hilarious to you. That doesn't seem hilarious to me to send a message saying "just cuz you're filipino, doesn't mean you can't talk to me." That seems passive-aggressive and unproductive to me - or at least liable to be perceived that way. Unless this is some running joke between you two.

Anyway, there are other ways to let her know you expect a response. First of all, that's the kind of thing I generally do later. Like some girl doesn't respond... I just contact her later when maybe she'll be less busy. I demonstrate that I'm awesome. I crack jokes, I fascinate her, I scare her a little in conversation. Then once she thinks I'm amazing, I go back and say stuff like "I texted you a while back. Did you Filipino cell phone get busted by an earthquake over there?" I dunno, that's a lame example.

If you insist on bringing it up, suggest something concrete she can do to demonstrate that it wasn't a slight to you. Some chick was apologizing to me for not calling me, and I said she could give me a slice of pizza and a massage.

Note: this is not a manipulation or a trick. It actually helps me feel better about their not getting back to me when chicks buy me pizza. It sets up other things that are true as well: I have high expectations, I expect them to get back to me if they want me in their life. Etc.

But I try to hold off on this kind of thing and give chicks who deserve it the benefit of the doubt. Sh!t happens, dude. The more your friends and family make you feel like an amazing person, the less you will take some stranger girl not calling you back as a criticism. There is no shortcut though. You have to BE a truly amazing person by your own standards before whimsical chicks stop bugging you personally.



Hmm, I'm not sure. That's a good question. I don't really know.

I would say forget whether or not you're leaving an aura of mystery. You should extend a conversation until you've found out things about who she is that make you attracted to her as a person and not a piece of meat. If you play this right and tell the chick she is sexy for that thing you like - which again is not a trick or a manipulation because at this point, it should be true - it doesn't really matter that much when you bail out. You've already established your agenda, and if she gives you a phone number, she is implicitly acknowledging your agenda and accepting it.

Makes everything much easier

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with liking a girl for being drop dead gorgeous. I am saying that you should be expecting more from women than beauty. Expect higher than sex and beauty. Sex and beauty are everywhere and so easy to obtain. There's really no worthy challenge there. Demand more from life. Find chicks with soul who make your life better, who you actually like as a person. Filter out chicks who don't.

I think you'll find that if you start asking more from people, you'll find more in everyone. That helps your game a lot.



I trust you that you have no interest in her. If you did still have interest in her, that would be *OK*, too. We don't get to control how we feel, just what we do. So long as you're not chasing some chick who's bad news, that's what counts. Anyway, you sound really jealous, so if you still feel attracted to her, at least be honest about it, even if you're not pursuring her for your own good.

You saw her getting macked? Oh man, that can be such a great source of material to make her laugh. "He seemed to really like your scones" or "He seemed like he was excited to call you for tips on making blueberry muffins for his grandmother."

Still, be happy for her if she's happy to be macked. It's always nice to see lust in the air

Izza

Very true... its all about be light hearted and playful. I actually went 1 for 2 this weekend. I'll admit I drank a bit.... and then started making random conversations with girls. Asking them about their height and what not.... most of them were pretty stuck up though made convo but didn't really let it continue to show interest... but anyway I walked around where me and my friend spotted a 2 set right in front of us at the bar. I appraoched 1 from the side and he approached the other. I can't for the life of me remember what line I opened her up with but as soon as I noticed she had an accent I inquired about it... she said she was south american so I tried to impress her with some spanish but saying I have a european background. I asked her name, what she does etc.... I was basically thinking I should close this soon so I said that I'd like to give her a call and talk more. I don't know if she didn't understand me that well cause she said "well I'll be here for a while" I then told her I was leaving cause one of my other friends was complaining but I'd call her. I asked for her number and she gave it. My friend ended up getting her friend's number.

Then later that night we were walking on the street and 2 girls passed us by. We made some drunk comments to them (G-Rated) and they responded. My friend immediately went up to one of them and started talking to her... I then went up to the girl next to her. I made small talk with her as she seemed friendly. My friend then got the girl he was talking to phone number and I said to the one I was talking to "so are you going to send me a text message" She didn't respond but made a weird uncomfortable face at me. That was that.

1 for 2

Overall

Approaches 58
Numbers 36

 

[izza]

Really, all about light-hearted and playful? I b!tch about my problems all the time. Oh god, a friend of mine picks up chicks by making them his free personal psychotherapy.

But I should clarify that I b!tch in an interesting, novel, and pleasant way. I don't just say "I hate this guy and I life is unfair because I work too hard." I complain honestly about things, but the chick usually ends up laughing and making fun of me. But sometimes I'm in a playful mood and everything is light-hearted and fun. I'm sure you understand what I mean and do it all the time.

I think the secret to being completely open - and picking up chicks while in a terrible mood - is learning how to express bad things in an attractive way.

Very true... its all about be light hearted and playful. I actually went 1 for 2 this weekend. I'll admit I drank a bit.... and then started making random conversations with girls. Asking them about their height and what not....

Hahaha. Their height? Did you ask them if they can dunk?

most of them were pretty stuck up though made convo but didn't really let it continue to show interest...

Don't blame the women. Blame your zodiac sign.

but anyway I walked around where me and my friend spotted a 2 set right in front of us at the bar. I appraoched 1 from the side and he approached the other. I can't for the life of me remember what line I opened her up with but as soon as I noticed she had an accent I inquired about it... she said she was south american so I tried to impress her with some spanish but saying I have a european background.

Nice directness!

I asked her name, what she does etc....

Are you trying to put me to sleep? I mean seriou... zzz

But as proof, it doesn't take great material to pick up a chick. I tend to forget that.

I was basically thinking I should close this soon so I said that I'd like to give her a call and talk more. I don't know if she didn't understand me that well cause she said "well I'll be here for a while" I then told her I was leaving cause one of my other friends was complaining but I'd call her. I asked for her number and she gave it. My friend ended up getting her friend's number.

LOL... I used to pick up chicks in French, the miscommunications never ended! Ahhh, that brings me back. I used to ask them if they knew a translator - that always got a laugh.

Then later that night we were walking on the street and 2 girls passed us by. We made some drunk comments to them (G-Rated) and they responded. My friend immediately went up to one of them and started talking to her... I then went up to the girl next to her. I made small talk with her as she seemed friendly. My friend then got the girl he was talking to phone number and I said to the one I was talking to "so are you going to send me a text message" She didn't respond but made a weird uncomfortable face at me. That was that.

LOL - nice, so I'm not sure what you said during your G-rated conversation (Bambi and other Disney movies?). But I would just remind you that her making that uncomfortable face is actually an excellent opportunity. Remember that chicks need a guy who can get their emotions moving and shifting. If a girl isn't reacting or blinking that's bad. If you get a face out of her, that can actually be a step in the right direction. Especially if you come up with some material that makes her laugh right at that moment, she'll be sold immediately. So remember, those moments can hurt the ego, but she's also handing you an opportunity to impress her. One that's really, really hard to do - I know - but that's why it's impressive.

Whatever you do - don't make a joke that's self-deprecating or bitter - it has to be light and off-topic and absurd. In that situation, what would I do, let's see. Well, that's kind of the problem with picking up for numbers - she's reacting like that because in her mind, she hasn't shown you anything amazing about her so she is skeptical of why you're trying to get her number when she hasn't even revealed anything about herself. That can put a chicks defenses up because your agenda is unclear. Is he just after a number to make himself feel better, just after sex, does he do this to just everyone? Is he after numbers? Is he desperate? I think a lot will guess number desperate or does this to everyone. Not flattering to the ladies.

So finishing the digression, that's why I try to find something sexy about a chick, then I tell the chick what I find sexy about her. Then she knows why I'm trying to get her number.

Anywho, in that situation, I personally wouldn't make me asking for her number about her or sex. I would make it about food. Like "do you have any cheese in the house that I can eat? I really like provolone. Oh let me get your phone number, I'm starving." That usually gets a laugh. Follow it up with some good game and you're fine.

And in response to her grimace, that's a tough one. I would probably just laugh and scrunch up my face. Maybe ask her if her mom fed her a lot of brussel sprouts when she was a kid. That situation is recoverable. But yeah, that's hard.

My compliments,

Izza

 

[Stud No1]

yeah but at what price? Supplicating like an AFC? Once you reach a certain status you don't need to do that because you are a DJ and can get other girls who don't flake like that. Thats what I'm striving for. I want all the flakes to eat their hearts out....

Go for it bro.

I do hope you've sorted your issues out as regards aggressive response to flakes

its tough and we all sometimes get sucked into a reaction, but i can tell you for sure, you reacting just makes her feel better - for her it confirms you were a bad bet - it justifies her decision to flake/her hesitation that you took as a flake

not just this, but i think in many cases you have shown a poor sense of persistence. by that i mean, you have construed some reluctance as an outright flake and taken offense accordingly. believe it or not, at least 50% of these times she's just being hesitant, at which stage you need to show her your worth. at this juncture, small things like social proof or no signs of neediness (perhaps some active disinterest) can really tip the scales. Either way, as BB says, you are burning bridges either way. Let them go if they so wish. You might well meet them in 6 months and they'll be all over you, at which point you can decide if they're worth it or not - girls are screwed up, if you let them flake without ever challenging them about it, over time it can well get to them how you didn't even care. thats the DJ way. girls hate thinking they've missing something.


this is just my advice. its easy in theory and harder in practice thats for sure - i respect your efforts very much indeed and that is why i decided to post in attempt to help your evolution.

 

[Stud No1]

another thinh jayer re your approach on pg 24

you met her for a short time and you got her number. here she is obviously interested when she replied to your text saying she was going to the track or whereever. this was a clear sign she would like to see you again...build up some rapport i guess.

you calling her blew that out of the water unfortunately. far too keen. she suggests casually she'd maybe see you there - take it for what it is, dont ring her and turn it into a date. cart before horse.


again, hindsight is wonderful but hope this helps in the future - dont be so keen to ring unless you've had decent rapport already, otherwise someone ringing you that your barely know is very weird for most girls. indeed if i girl i only had a brief encounter with rang me the next day id think she was nuts unless we had really hit it off.

 

[Reyaj]

Stud No 1 thanks for your feedback. I am glad you are reading my journal and posting your thoughts, which is exactly what I need from everyon.

Regarding getting angry and telling off the flakes... I do agree with you and BB but I have to say I disagree with the reasoning. I shouldn't do it because not only does it show weakness on my part but there's no point in leaving a bad impression with someone unless its warranted. The whole idea that down the road I'll see them again they will want to bang me isn't very realistic. I've abstained from telling off a few girls that have flaked and they basically forgot about me and I'm sure they meet guys all the time. I mean really.... what would make them think if me 6 months later? Where I live and sarge the girls are very stuck up and its very competitive... I actually sent out a few texts to everyone in my phonebook including girls who flaked that I haven't "told off" they didn't even respond with Happy Easter back.

I agree about the girl that wanted to hang out with me right away. Under normal circumstances I play it cool and act like I'm busy but make a counter offer. However as this whole thing is an experiment I figured I'd try to "strike while the iron is hot" per say.... because honestly if you wait too long girls tend to flake as well. I wanted to see if trying to get with a girl asap made a difference. I can't say for sure I salted myself up by doing this.... she did end up texting me after that weekend when I didn't contact her at all. She texted me out the blue which means I was on her mind... so me being not so agressive by calling and texting did pay off. What really did salt me up with her was that when I met her and her friends I didn't expect her to bring a guy... and I didn't recognize her at first either and the whole situation was uncomfortable. I shouldn't have let this get to me and I should have tried to make it fun anyway... that was my mistake that I will try to learn from. But yeah overall I think I should always try to make sure the logistics are favorable and not just rush out blindly.......


Anyway just a quick update on the south american plate I got the number from last weekend. I forgot to mention that when I left I returned to that spot briefly and saw them dancing with other guys... I stayed out of sight...

But I called on Monday and she rememberd me and was glad that I called. Even though there's the language barrier I laughed a lot and was playful and she kept the conversation going. I ended the convo after 20 minutes but mentioned beforehand we should get together. She asked when I was free... basically showing a lot of interest. I told her I'd call her tomorrow (you are all going to say a mistake I know)... well thats what I ended up doing yesterday but no answer. I didn't leave a message and I was sort of kicking myself for a second but then she called back about a half hour later saying she was working out. We talked and she was very friendly and asked questions and didn't seem to want to hang up. I asked when I could see her and she asked me about Friday.. I hesitated... but agreed and she said she'd like to see a movie and that we could meet up at the theather. Now I agreed to this because she suggested it..... but I don't like doing the movies for a 1st date. I suppose I will do it and pay for her ticket and see how it goes....

The thing is she mentions being very conservative and actually brought up the guy she was dancing with after I left the club. She said he tried to be too agressive and she got turned off. I guess I won't be trying anything at the movies.....

 

[Reyaj]

ohh and also she called me just before... I missed the call but called back a little later and got no answer. She said I can call her whenever I want and I responded she can call me too since she has my number... thats probably why she called. I tihnk with international girls the rules change a bit which is why I'm trying to be courteous... we'll see what happens if I go out with her on Friday...

another side note: The girl I banged from the first 50 of this approach journal I LBJF'd a few months ago. Well 2 weeks later she is in a relationship with someone. The whole time she was acting like she wasn't looking for anything and the minute I LBJF her she's with someone. I also found out she was with an abusive boyfriend when she met me but basically broke up with him for me..... go figure.... I always acted like a player with this girl anyway.... she was the type that had been through a lot and been around lets just say.

Just thought I'd add all that

 

[Reyaj]

she did call me back yesterday... then called me today during work hours... we ended up talking for a bit then she had to go excercise and said she'd call me back. She knew I was tired though and she didn't call me back.... We are supposed to go out tomorrow. I'll keep it posted.

 

[Reyaj]

Ok time for an update from my Friday date as well as 2 approaches I made this weekend which unfortunately did not result in a number.

Basically on Friday I met up with her at a mall and to my surprise she was waiting with a friend. It kind of caught me off guard and it also caught me off guard how attractive this spanish girl was. I was probably nervous but I played it off cool and kissed both of them on the cheek. It turns out her friend was waiting for her man to pick her up so we walked around the mall and I tried to make conversation with both. Anyway when her man picked up her friend I kissed her on the hceek goodbye. I then walked with my Hb 7/8 spanish girl around the mall. She had said she thinks her friend approved of me lol....

Well we decided to get a drink but the place we went too was packed so we decided to walk outside the mall to a chain restaurant. I noticed she touched my arm every now and again while talking to me... and I would rub her back a bit once in a while as well to establish Kino. Well we went into the place, I ordered a drink, she ordered a corona and she asked lots of questions. I smiled a lot and joked with her.. We then walked back to my car which she seemed to like. I drove her home and she told me I could pull into a spot. She didn't rush to get out.. and I wasn't sure whether to kiss close or not.... I figured I'd lean in and see what happens. I did so and she turned her cheek so I ended up kissing that and she got out of the car..... I think I could have kiss closed it.... but whatever.... she then looked back at me while she was walking. Before she left I told her to call me and she said she would but that I should call her. She actually called me the next afternoon and said she was going with a guy friend to hang out etc... I called back and even though she was with him she picked up. She said she'd call me later but she didn't.. She called me the next day and we talked and then talked later. Yeaterday she called me and I called her and we made plans for tomorrow to go watch a movie. We also talked a decent amount of time as well. Today I called her but she didn't answer. she called me back late and I didn't answer even though I saw her calling. We'll see if I get to see her tomorrow

This weekend I made 2 cold approaches both to no avail. The first one was with a brazilian girl whom I saw dancing with her friends in a group... I used the old she bumped into me line and tried to be funny... I then went into asking her name etc... she was talkative and asked some questions back though she didn't seem super excited. She then introduced me to her friends she was with. I told her after a bit that I was going to go find my friends but I should get her number in case I don't see her. She said "oh I'll be here just come back.." I told her "let me get your number anyway" She said "sorry I just don't give out my number like that" lol whatever.... later that night she saw me talking to another girl and I winked right at her. She said some stuff I couldn't hear but basically describing that I'm just a player etc...

The next girl was a stripper who I actually guessed was brazilian and used that angle to open the convo. She grabbed my hand and actually kino'd me..... we started dancing real close and she kissed my cheek close to my lips. Her friends basically dragged her away and there were a bunch of guys gaming her every minute. I aaid let me get your number and she's like I'll be back... but I didn't get another crack at it.

So overall

Approaches 60
Numbers 36

 

[ezily]

Jayer, I liked the way you handled that spanish chick at the mall. You took complete control of the situation and her for the most part. I mean you told her to call you. That's not what an AFC would do. You didn't act desperate. You didn't send lame text messages. You basically acted perfectly normal, confident, and cool. And you didn't leave voice messages and she returned your call. That's a good sign.

Anyway, I really think you should read over what you did and how you acted with that girl. It's not the same as how you've acted before. So don't go start getting desperate, needy, and acting like an AFC/loser. Basically, just keep up what you were doing with her. From what you wrote this girl seems to have some interest in you. Good luck man.