Jayer's 100 Approach Journal (Will Finish 100 approaches no matter what)

[Reyaj]

So we traded a few texts back and forth in which she took a while to respond. She suggest we have a drink on Sunday and I told her that sounded good and I'd call her.... its a bit a ways so lets see what happens.

 

[tony-montana]

LOL. i always get a laugh from these threads. i think it's silly doing all these approaches. but whatever, keep it up.

 

[Reyaj]

So I probably made a cardinal sin by calling her on a Friday night. My intention was just to talk.... she actually answered but I could hear it was noisy by her. She said she'd call me back cause she just sat down to dinner... I said that's cool. and that was that. I think if she calls back tonight I won't answer........... and then either call tomorrow or text follow up...

 

[Stud No1]

One piece of advice mate - i think you;'re overplaying some of these girls.

e.g, you consistently ignoring a call, ringing back the next day and then ignoring a following call. do this on occasion surely, but it seems a bit fake. But thats not the main problem - i think, when the girl phones you, they're ready to talk or whatever - they're in the mood. She'll be opened to you. Remember, women are emotional creatures. So if you ring back like two days later you might just have missed that window of opportunity.

For example, a busy business man will almost always answer his phone right away because he gets alot of phone calls and is always close to his phone always ready to seal a deal. So don't be afraid of being available sometimes!

 

[Reyaj]

One piece of advice mate - i think you;'re overplaying some of these girls.

e.g, you consistently ignoring a call, ringing back the next day and then ignoring a following call. do this on occasion surely, but it seems a bit fake. But thats not the main problem - i think, when the girl phones you, they're ready to talk or whatever - they're in the mood. She'll be opened to you. Remember, women are emotional creatures. So if you ring back like two days later you might just have missed that window of opportunity.

For example, a busy business man will almost always answer his phone right away because he gets alot of phone calls and is always close to his phone always ready to seal a deal. So don't be afraid of being available sometimes!

Thanks for this. I've actually been finding that throughout this journey its more about breaking these rules than following them. I agree that striking when the iron is hot is key..... and unfortunately it seems that u have to play by the girls rules at times.... at least initially... She hasn't called back yet so we'll see. But I have loosened up a bit with the rules trust me... I think thats why I get criticized so much..... but what I'm really finding is its more about your frame and outlook on life than any canned routine or rule.....


With 10 more approaches left to do stay tuned for my conclusion.

 

[Faded Image]

Jayer, I was 23 about to turn 24 when you started this thread and now I'm 25about to turn 26.

You can do it man.

By the way, on the scale of 1 to 10, this post should be considered a 10 and added to the archives.

Out of the thousands upon thousands of discussion i've read here, I can actually say this is a true classic of trials and tribulations most people deal with when they try to get a handle on this part of their life.

Jayer you have 10 more approaches to go and now I'm 27. What are you going to do when you hit 100?

 

[chinwaggler]

I can't believe it's been three years and you haven't done 100 approaches..

 

[2.0]

I can't believe it's been three years and you haven't done 100 approaches..

That's less than 1 approach per week. 100 approaches should have taken you no more than a year.

 

[Reyaj]

I know its taken me a hella of a long time... but thats because it took me a while to get started and I hadn't really hit my stride until late last year..... Anyways let me recap my date on Sunday with this big breasted Jewish south american girl... I called her she didnt answer.. I texted her.. she called me back and said we were still on... so we met in front of the train station I took in... I thought she was about a 6 overall with huge knockers..... I later found out that she is a lot younger than me... but we never discussed age.... so I bought drinks and we talked... shot pool.... she seemed engaged in the convo.... we then moved our drinks to a table outside and drank..... I had to go to the bathroom and when I came back she said she had to get going soon... so I was like lets get going now... she we walked out and she said she was going to take a taxi back.. I asked her if she wanted me to wait with her and said it was ok.. but I did anyway... a taxi finally stopped and here came the akward goodbye.... I didn't hestitate and went right in for her lips.. she seemed kinda surprised... but we kissed shortly but I had to stop cause the taxi was waiting... I walked away, she got in the cab and that was that...

I haven't called her and she hasn't called me.... I honestly am not interested in her really... so I don't think I'll call her... but it was another akward kiss close...... blah whatever!

 

[izza]

I know its taken me a hella of a long time... but thats because it took me a while to get started and I hadn't really hit my stride until late last year..... Anyways let me recap my date on Sunday with this big breasted Jewish south american girl... I called her she didnt answer.. I texted her.. she called me back and said we were still on... so we met in front of the train station I took in... I thought she was about a 6 overall with huge knockers..... I later found out that she is a lot younger than me... but we never discussed age.... so I bought drinks and we talked... shot pool.... she seemed engaged in the convo.... we then moved our drinks to a table outside and drank..... I had to go to the bathroom and when I came back she said she had to get going soon... so I was like lets get going now... she we walked out and she said she was going to take a taxi back.. I asked her if she wanted me to wait with her and said it was ok.. but I did anyway... a taxi finally stopped and here came the akward goodbye.... I didn't hestitate and went right in for her lips.. she seemed kinda surprised... but we kissed shortly but I had to stop cause the taxi was waiting... I walked away, she got in the cab and that was that...

I haven't called her and she hasn't called me.... I honestly am not interested in her really... so I don't think I'll call her... but it was another akward kiss close...... blah whatever!

I'm confused, did you kiss her out of a desire to have a kiss close or did you want to kiss her? Both are fine, but I just want to understand your motivation. Glad you had fun on your date.

Best,
Izza

 

[izza]

Also, have you been following this series?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=151767

 

[Reyaj]

I'm confused, did you kiss her out of a desire to have a kiss close or did you want to kiss her? Both are fine, but I just want to understand your motivation. Glad you had fun on your date.

Best,
Izza

I don't know... to be honest in most cases in the past I probably wouldn't have went for it there.... while she was nice to me I didn't really get any kino from her which usually is y signal to attempt it... I just felt like I had nothing to lose and felt an urge to be agressive at the end to see what happend...

She hasn't texted or contacted me since and I haven't either... You think I should just for the hell of it... or I should just accept the situation as awkward and move on.... I think a big part of the reason is that I have been spinning another plate (not met through these approaches) and I kind of have been hung up on her... when I was out with this girl though attractive she didn't compare to the girl I've been seeing physically......

 

[izza]

I don't know... to be honest in most cases in the past I probably wouldn't have went for it there.... while she was nice to me I didn't really get any kino from her which usually is y signal to attempt it... I just felt like I had nothing to lose and felt an urge to be agressive at the end to see what happend...

Ok, that's a good reason. Experimenting is a great reason to do things.

You know my take on all this - if you wanted to that's justification enough. I suppose I was wondering if you were actually feeling attracted to this girl, or if you kissed her for more rational reasons - experimentation, frustration, etc.

I suppose in my life I have moved toward only making a move when I emotionally want to - but that is only after trying other things. Sounds like you had good reasons to do what you did.

She hasn't texted or contacted me since and I haven't either... You think I should just for the hell of it... or I should just accept the situation as awkward and move on.... I think a big part of the reason is that I have been spinning another plate (not met through these approaches) and I kind of have been hung up on her... when I was out with this girl though attractive she didn't compare to the girl I've been seeing physically......

I do recommend making a habit of only chasing after women you are emotionally interested in/feeling attracted to. This is the best habit you can make - emotional attraction is usually mutual. When you learn to feel it, you can therefore learn to elicit it. When you tell me you are hung up on somebody, that is usually a good sign to me. For me, that means I am actually hung up on who I am around a girl, I love my sense of humor that comes out - I love that she brings out the best in me. That is what you are going for. I think the secret is to find many people who bring out the best in you, not just one. That is how to avoid being more obsessed than is comfortable.

I feel so lucky to have friends like that.

Izza

 

[izza]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=151767

Let me know if that thread helps (same as above) - I am rewriting that other thing as well. I know it's useful, but that is a great prelude.

Izza

 

[Reyaj]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=151767

Let me know if that thread helps (same as above) - I am rewriting that other thing as well. I know it's useful, but that is a great prelude.

Izza

Great post Izza! It goes hand in hand with what I have pretty much pinpointed to be my main problem.... I am outcome depenent.... I feel much happier and much better about myself when I appreciate my efforts and not let the results dictate how my day is going.... I want to have this attitude but at the same time try and learn from mechanical mistakes..... I don't know if you read my post entitled "I don't want to see you when I'm like this" its actually about a recent girl thats become a bit of a oneitis situation for me... She basically LJBF'd me and I am supposed to see her tonight in a social gathering... I honestly have been stressing a little regarding what I should do/act etc... but after reading your post I'm just going to go in there (or try anyway) with a confident, fun, light hearted frame and not care what happens...

For the record I didn't call the last girl I approached from here as you suggested... why waste time on something I don't feel worth it right?

 

[Reyaj]

bump

 

[Reyaj]

SO I went out to a bar yesterday that basically was an "everyone knows each other" type place and I was an outsider... I spot a 2 set solo across the bar and I decide to hover behind them and wait for an opening on the side of the HB 6 Brunette... I finally got it and I moved in next to her and asked

Me: Hey can you see the score of that game?
Her: Yeah its 7-7
Me: damn... how did the game get like this.. the sox were getting killed when I got here
Her: I have no idea I dont follow baseball.... but I did see the philly game the other night
Me: really? i was pulling for the dodgers blah blah blah whats your name....

I didn't think she asked for mine but she stayed looking at me and said well so I told her mine..

blah blah blah

Looks away for a few minutes to talk to her friend

I rengange asking her where is she and all that good stuff.... she then introduces me to her friend who appears to be her roomate... I talk to her a bit..... then my friend moves in to talk to her friend and I decide its time that I try to close

Me: well hey listen I think we're going to leave
Her: ok nice meeting you
Me: give me your number I'll give you a call we can talk more
Her: (kind of blushing then leaning back and snickering)... I have a boyfriend I'm sorry I can't do that
Me: lol (smiling) no you don't.... but thats ok
Her: yes I do! Im serious
Me: just admit you don't like Italian guys...
Her: what... I am Italian, I told you that... I didnt even know you were
Me: (smiling playfully) you can tell me you think I'm ugly its ok I can take it
trust me
Her: (laughing and shaking head) listen im here every thursday so we can just talk here....
Me: look honestly Im never coming back here i just came here because my friend dragged me.. we could be friends anyway
Her: ok give me your number then
Me: haha yeah ok like you're ever going to call
Her: I will! Ill let u know when Im here so u can come
Me: ok... hold on a sec let me look at the game for a minute
Her: ohhh trying to think of a fake # to give me
Me: ha no ok here it is

Well she pulls out her phone and there is seriously a picture of a guy on it...

Me: is that your boyfriend?
Her: yeah actually is is
Me: ok its ###-###-####
Her: ok look at how im logging into the phone

She puts in "Jayer cool guy I met at xxxxxx"

Me: put cool ITalian guy
Her: (suddenly showing a bit of anger) what.... nationality means nothing to me
Me: Im just playing relax...... anyway I gotta go (kissed her on the cheek)

Approaches: 91
Numbers: 54

 

[Igetit!]

What's up Jayer,

That was a nice approach man. Quick thinking on your feet. I don't know if you did that on purpose,or if it was something that just flew out of your mouth. Most guys would have just given up once getting the boyfriend line.
Wow,just 9 more approaches to go. I'll actually hate to see this thread come to an end,man. The whole reason I even joined this forum was because of this thread/journal. I read some of your posts and the replies that people gave you and found it intriguing and funny at times. I bet when you started this journal,you never thought it would take almost 3 and a half years to complete,but a least you're completing it.

I should probably post this in your other thread,but I'm curious to know what ever happened with the other girl you dated for a while,the one who you put your approaches on hold for. At last report,you said that she LJBF'd you. Has there been any contact between the two of you since? And if so,how did the conversation go?

 

[izza]

SO I went out to a bar yesterday that basically was an "everyone knows each other" type place and I was an outsider... I spot a 2 set solo across the bar and I decide to hover behind them and wait for an opening on the side of the HB 6 Brunette... I finally got it and I moved in next to her and asked

Me: Hey can you see the score of that game?
Her: Yeah its 7-7
Me: damn... how did the game get like this.. the sox were getting killed when I got here
Her: I have no idea I dont follow baseball.... but I did see the philly game the other night
Me: really? i was pulling for the dodgers blah blah blah whats your name....

I didn't think she asked for mine but she stayed looking at me and said well so I told her mine..

blah blah blah

Looks away for a few minutes to talk to her friend

I rengange asking her where is she and all that good stuff.... she then introduces me to her friend who appears to be her roomate... I talk to her a bit..... then my friend moves in to talk to her friend and I decide its time that I try to close

Me: well hey listen I think we're going to leave
Her: ok nice meeting you
Me: give me your number I'll give you a call we can talk more
Her: (kind of blushing then leaning back and snickering)... I have a boyfriend I'm sorry I can't do that
Me: lol (smiling) no you don't.... but thats ok
Her: yes I do! Im serious
Me: just admit you don't like Italian guys...
Her: what... I am Italian, I told you that... I didnt even know you were
Me: (smiling playfully) you can tell me you think I'm ugly its ok I can take it
trust me
Her: (laughing and shaking head) listen im here every thursday so we can just talk here....
Me: look honestly Im never coming back here i just came here because my friend dragged me.. we could be friends anyway
Her: ok give me your number then
Me: haha yeah ok like you're ever going to call
Her: I will! Ill let u know when Im here so u can come
Me: ok... hold on a sec let me look at the game for a minute
Her: ohhh trying to think of a fake # to give me
Me: ha no ok here it is

Well she pulls out her phone and there is seriously a picture of a guy on it...

Me: is that your boyfriend?
Her: yeah actually is is
Me: ok its ###-###-####
Her: ok look at how im logging into the phone

She puts in "Jayer cool guy I met at xxxxxx"

Me: put cool ITalian guy
Her: (suddenly showing a bit of anger) what.... nationality means nothing to me
Me: Im just playing relax...... anyway I gotta go (kissed her on the cheek)

Approaches: 91
Numbers: 54

A lot of great things happening here. I love your reaction:

"You can tell me, you think I'm ugly."

I like that. I'm usually more the "you just hate spaghetti sauce, is that it?" I go for the more silly stuff. Then try to get them to prove to me how much they love spaghetti sauce, sing a national anthem to Paul Newman, and stuff like that.

I've traditionally thought of "I'm ugly" as a bit personal. But I'm thinking about it, that's actually pretty funny.

Great post Izza! It goes hand in hand with what I have pretty much pinpointed to be my main problem.... I am outcome depenent....

Thanks for the compliment. I'm glad you took something from my current thinking, as I am taking from yours. Just to make sure I'm being clear, I don't think it's a problem to care about the outcome. I think the outcome is important. I agree when you said, being dependent on the outcome to be happy isn't so good. But it is normal to be a bit upset when we don't get what we want. The broader point I'm making, though, is that we should never, ever, ever malign our effort, motivation, character, or courage - or that of anyone else. We always do our best. Therefore, we should always appreciate our effort because all humans always do the best we can, all the time. We are beings of such amazing courage, adaptibility, and intelligence. I think attitude helps because it forces us to focus away from thoughts like "I am lazy, I'm a coward" and to the real roots of the problem ("I'm a considerate person and I didn't want to inconvenience her. Ok wait, I believe talking to me is an inconvenience - why? Because I'm a loser. Wait, why do I believe that? Say that reminds me of one time on the playground when..." and that, that moment of causal understanding, is when you actually solve the problem. That is the moment when you improve your outcome.)

I feel much happier and much better about myself when I appreciate my efforts and not let the results dictate how my day is going....

That's hot. Dude, say stuff like that to the ladies. I'm serious, that is an effing sexy thing to say.

A healthy, loving attitude toward self, wisdom, is so rare in our superficial times that you can amaze people with just a few simple words like that.

So many guys go out and try a stand-up routine. Not saying it doesn't work in many contexts - it does - I just recognize that adding to my tool-belt has never hurt me.

Keep sexy alive my friend and I may have to try to number close you. Oh wait, did you say you're Italian? Hmmm...

I want to have this attitude but at the same time try and learn from mechanical mistakes..... I don't know if you read my post entitled "I don't want to see you when I'm like this" its actually about a recent girl thats become a bit of a oneitis situation for me... She basically LJBF'd me and I am supposed to see her tonight in a social gathering... I honestly have been stressing a little regarding what I should do/act etc... but after reading your post I'm just going to go in there (or try anyway) with a confident, fun, light hearted frame and not care what happens...

Hmm, I know this is aiming high, but maybe try to set a time to tell her how you feel. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling a girl directly to her face that you find her sexy, but that you understand that now's not the time, or whatever. Yes, it's an awkward situation, but a lot of it is created by us, and what we don't dare say, what we don't dare show, than by anything else. Like the wisdom above, a guy who dares just say, without catcall, that he is attracted to somebody to their face, is so rare in our time, you will astonish (not to mention pick up) women just by living honestly and wisely. That said, I too am still in this playground phase of sexual development where I think my feelings about women should be shielded from ridicule. It is hard to get over it. But the rewards are amazing - and I'm not talking just about getting women, but even more about living freely. A goal I feel is very worthy to aspire to.

For the record I didn't call the last girl I approached from here as you suggested... why waste time on something I don't feel worth it right?

As you know, I suggested you pursue what excites you. As long as you're doing that, I'm always happy for you, no matter what you do. Congratulations on where all your hard work has already gotten you.

This is my new motto and I hope it serves you well:

"If you've improved today, the girl is already yours."

Best wishes,
Izza

 

[tony-montana]

LOL!!!! you make me crack up man. dunno about the "you think im ugly" line. that's like asking for it. keep it up.