Is it even worth it for a guy like me to try with making moves in-person?

[GoodMan32]

Point is we all have urges to behave in ways which are bizarre or/and unwise sometimes: The power to NOT act on every urge we have, and to instead exercise rational thought, is what separates us humans from the animals. I realize that such an observation is, in these Woke times we inhabit, considered "speicist" to utter out loud... Alas, it's true

The energy you're expending on concocting rationalizations for going on the way you have is energy that can be spent pursuing women in their early 20--your own age bracket

Maybe it would help if I explained why I prefer 45+: I've had condoms break. I've also had a condom slip off. At this point, I'm petrified to get with a woman of childbearing age.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Not to off-rail the topic but I can’t find a better spot to be said:

I also ran out of the emotional and mental energy to help the Correctors of the world solve their issues. They do not have the initiative to go through the failures and battles of the daily grind and instead, come here for people to validate their irrational thoughts and sympathize for their struggles. At the same time, I think they avoid reading the core material necessary to be successful with women in order to not be accountable for their mistakes. Working out or exercising is one of the first principles and do they even do this?

Again, they may not like what they have come to understand, but they need to accept rather than deny to move forward with their problems. As men, they should be happy that they have reasons and motivation to build up and improve themselves but I imagine they use this site as a coping mechanism.

Lastly, I have mentioned before that other forums are extremely disrespectful. They would call you an idiot or some sort of derogatory term just for a simple post. However, in this case, some people take the kindness this place has as a weakness, and I actually think they are trolling us all this point and pushed off their friends in real life. (Check how he ignores your posts)

Hi Rain,
"I also ran out of the emotional and mental energy to help the Correctors of the world solve their issues. They do not have the initiative to go through the failures and battles of the daily grind and instead, come here for people to validate their irrational thoughts and sympathize for their struggles."....It took me several years to work this out....The crazy thing is when in their phantasies,when their objectives seem within reach,they find some overarching reason why they shouldn't persist....Are they really happy in their maudlin life?.... You have me wondering where you will be when you are my age?Maybe a silent order,somewhere in the Arizona badlands? LOL.

Tough to not be reminded of a few words the tragically late Nora Vincent once uttered https://www.npr.org/transcripts/99015989 , after spending a few months at Bellevue, for an undercover assignment

"I came to, in some ways, understand the attitude of the worst people at (Bellevue)...
After a lot of experience they realized there's only so much that can be done for those who aren't willing to change and or take an ounce of responsibility... We are told so often mental illness is a disease and therefore, once you're diagnosed, there's nothing you can do, it's not your fault and therefore you have no role to play. I don't buy that. I know in my own experience, it's a mutual thing.. ALL health problems can be improved by lifestyle changes, and this is ESPECIALLY true in mental health, in my experience"


This was written and recorded in '09, and sadly, the corrosive mindset she called out there really does seem to have grown more pervasive throughout our civilization in the years since. Not just in regards to mental health, but damn near everything, dating included

 

[BaronOfHair]

Maybe it would help if I explained why I prefer 45+: I've had condoms break. I've also had a condom slip off. At this point, I'm petrified to get with a woman of childbearing age.

Those are fixations worth working through in one on one psychotherapy, preferably with a proficient CBT shrink who doesn't hesitate to be blunt with his clients + Read everything you can on healing from serious anxiety. I'll start you off

Start listening, taking notes, and applying everything Ellis says. TODAY

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I only use it as an excuse anonymously in private.

Sure.

 

[corrector]

No I did not. I know I shared the story from 2021 (where I flirted with a new girl at work because her excellent backside got the best of me). As a rule of thumb though, I refrain from making moves on any coworkers (don't sh1t where you eat).

But it is a warm prospect. If you have no options then you can bend the rules once in a while. Follow your gut.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I've had 9 free sex partners. That being said, the "make a move on a woman in person; get laid" strategy has never gotten me laid.

Of my 9 free partners,

• 7 came from hookup websites.
• 2 just sort of happened (with neither of us making the move).

I've also been on dates with 8 different gals. There's very little overlap between my dates and my intercourse (7 of the 8 gals I've had dates with were sexless).

The "make a move in person; get a date" strategy has only worked on one girl (Back when I was in college. And she was extremely strange. I had to break it off shortly into our relationship. Also, it's worth mentioning: She's one of my many sexless dates).

The rest of my dates came from the following strategies:

• Dating/hookup websites.
• The woman making the move on me.
• The date sort of just happened (with neither of us making the move).

So here's my question: Since making a move in person has given me a 0% success rate at getting laid (and only a minimal success rate at getting a date, with a girl I ended up regretting anyway), is it even worth it for me to try with in-person approaches? Or should I stick with methods that have given me more success (Dating/hookup websites. Waiting for the woman to approach me. Allowing it to just sort of happen, with neither of us making the move)?

One more thing I should mention on my OP: I know many of you are aware of my escort habit. I'm going to request everyone refrain from turning this into an escort thread. This thread isn't about escorts; it's about my successes/failures at getting a free woman (and how to maximize the odds of getting a free woman)

Does it matter how you meet them? I’ve had several “porn come to life” situations in my past from OLD, and even the old AOL bodybuilding and NYC chat rooms. Do ya think while having amazing sex I was thinking, “Too bad this didn’t result from a cold approach”? Several friends, cousins, and I met our spouses online. If I were single these days, I’d use OLD.

Re: the women made moves on you.
This is how IOI’s work anyway. While single, I only initiated because of IOI’s. If single today, I wouldn’t cold approach. But I’m someone who thinks if a guy never gets IOI’s or cannot recognize them, something is off, which might not be one’s fault.

 

[GoodMan32]

Those are fixations worth working through in one on one psychotherapy, preferably with a proficient CBT shrink who doesn't hesitate to be blunt with his clients + Read everything you can on healing from serious anxiety. I'll start you off

Start listening, taking notes, and applying everything Ellis says. TODAY

No amount of therapy will change the fact condoms can break or slip off. All therapy could do is try to convince me to accept the risk. I have no interest in accepting the risk.

That being said, I've been going to therapy for the past month (for other sex-related issues).

 

[GoodMan32]

Sure.

I have a male coworker who's talked to me about the general topic of getting girls before.

I've told him I have a hard time because it's practically impossible for me to tell the difference between a woman being into me vs a woman who's "only being nice."

I also told him about one easy change straight men could make that would result in the ladies chasing us (but it would require every straight available man to make this change in unison).

I never mentioned to him that I'm on the spectrum, however. I guess what I'm saying is: I will sometimes complain to the outside world in real life about my struggles with the ladies (if the other party starts a discussion about the topic). But I leave out the spectrum tidbit (except with therapists)

 

[GoodMan32]

Does it matter how you meet them? I’ve had several “porn come to life” situations in my past from OLD, and even the old AOL bodybuilding and NYC chat rooms. Do ya think while having amazing sex I was thinking, “Too bad this didn’t result from a cold approach”? Several friends, cousins, and I met our spouses online. If I were single these days, I’d use OLD.

Re: the women made moves on you.
This is how IOI’s work anyway. While single, I only initiated because of IOI’s. If single today, I wouldn’t cold approach. But I’m someone who thinks if a guy never gets IOI’s or cannot recognize them, something is off, which might not be one’s fault.

For the most part, it really doesn't matter how I meet a partner. That being said, a lot of the discussions on here are about picking up a woman the traditional way (making a move without the help of tech-based methods). So I felt it important to mention that I've never gotten laid using the "make a move on a woman in person" strategy.

Come to think of it, even with the instances where I got laid through tech-based methods, they all made the move on me.

It's one thing if a man has used tech-based methods to help supplement his "make a move in person" lays. For a man to never get a lay through the "make a move in person" method, however, it's easy to end up feeling like a loser.

As for the point about how you had awesome sex with a woman you met online, here's the difference between your online lays and mine: Of the 7 free women I've bedded through tech-based methods, only one became anything further than a one night stand.

Lastly, to address your point about how something is off if a man isn't getting (or is unable to pick up on) IOIs, I'm leaning toward the explanation for me being: I'm unable to pick up on IOIs (Because I'm on the spectrum. This isn't an excuse; simply a fact. Even non-spectrum men sometimes have a hard time picking up on IOIs. Men on the spectrum really have the odds stacked against us, however, as far as our ability to pick up on IOIs)

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

No amount of therapy will change the fact condoms can break or slip off. All therapy could do is try to convince me to accept the risk. I have no interest in accepting the risk.

I guess you never got an education on how to use condoms, but if you know how to use them, you won't risk breakage / slippage.

How to Use a Condom

Learn more about how to use a male (external) condom the right way to prevent pregnancy and STIs.

www.cdc.gov

 

[BaronOfHair]

No amount of therapy will change the fact condoms can break or slip off. All therapy could do is try to convince me to accept the risk. I have no interest in accepting the risk

A skillful shrink will work with you to identify the thoughts, beliefs, and schemas that generate your heightened fears, and explore the degree to which those same thoughts, beliefs, and schemas are true. In any event, GM, this forum is superb place for you to sharpen your social acumen

Ex. In the future, when you ask fellow SSers for input on a difficulty you're having, and they supply you with ideas as to how you can think and behave differently + Provide you with a first-rate audiobook

Simply reply: "Thanks!!! I appreciate all the love and support you folks just provided", then apply the counsel you've received from everyone here at SS, listen to the audiobook, then promptly put what you're learning into practice. This, rather than endlessly concocting hairbrained excuses to NOT do so

Behaving like that is unhelpful to you, and unattractive to those of us whom you share this planet with

 

[SW15]

the fact condoms can break or slip off.

It's a risk. It's worth the risk to have sex with a woman under 40 with a good body. For you, a woman younger than you is 18-32. Having sex with an 18-32 year old is better than having sex with a 45+ woman.

 

[HaleyBaron]

And your body knows that you are having sex with a younger woman. That's why you become more active during sex when it's a younger attractive woman. Happens all the time.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have a male coworker who's talked to me about the general topic of getting girls before.

I've told him I have a hard time because it's practically impossible for me to tell the difference between a woman being into me vs a woman who's "only being nice."

I also told him about one easy change straight men could make that would result in the ladies chasing us (but it would require every straight available man to make this change in unison).

I never mentioned to him that I'm on the spectrum, however. I guess what I'm saying is: I will sometimes complain to the outside world in real life about my struggles with the ladies (if the other party starts a discussion about the topic). But I leave out the spectrum tidbit (except with therapists)

I've got news for you...the vast majority of men struggle with that as well.

In fact, one of the biggest things they uncover in studies is that most men think that women are far more interested in them than they actually are.

That's not related to being autistic, that's related to being male.

 

[Divorced w 3]

The key to women is through their mind. The key to getting in their mind is to be personable, confident and *slightly* ****y. The key to pulling that off successfully is practice. The key to practicing well is to learn the right material. The right material is book of pook.

What I did here is build you a success pyramid. When you start at the bottom of this period you build a foundation. As you advance into the phases above one by one you will reach the top. At the top is the person you want to be, who coincidentally attracts high value women because he has become a high value man.

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

We all have a fear of being rejected by women

Learning to talk to women is more than just getting laid; you break boundaries in your mind

This will improve your life in a multitude of ways

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

We all have a fear of being rejected by women

We all start out with a fear of being rejected. The savvy learn that rejection isn't that bad and how to use the rejection to improve themselves until the rejections disappear.

 

[corrector]

We all have a fear of being rejected by women

Learning to talk to women is more than just getting laid; you break boundaries in your mind

This will improve your life in a multitude of ways

They have to want to talk to you in the first place.

 

[GoodMan32]

I've got news for you...the vast majority of men struggle with that as well.

In fact, one of the biggest things they uncover in studies is that most men think that women are far more interested in them than they actually are.

That's not related to being autistic, that's related to being male.

What a shame to hear a lot of men are prone to misreading a woman's clues.

After some humiliations of mistaking niceness for interest, I ended up overcorrecting in the opposite direction (to where I now convince myself a woman isn't really into me, no matter how obvious the woman appears to be acting).

As for the one easy change that would drastically alter the dating/hookup landscape (but only if every available straight man did this in unison): If we stop making moves on women entirely.

When I shared this strategy with the coworker, he said "So you expect men to stop making moves on women? Sounds gay."

He failed to see the bigger picture. Yeah, in the short-term, I'm aware this strategy would lead to dry spells for lots of men. But as time goes on, if all available straight men continue to refrain from making moves on women, women would start propositioning men for dates/sex (because otherwise, no single woman would ever get a date or sex again)

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

They have to want to talk to you in the first place.

That would make it easy, wouldn't it?

I was never so lucky. I had to work for it.

I forced myself to talk to women

Heartiste said that game is learned charisma

You learn through practice

Start small. "Hey, what kind of yogurt is that?"

As you do it more, it gets easier.

Talking to people is fun if you view it in the right way