interaction with my next door neighbor failed to go as planned

[GoodMan32]

This is pretty nonsensical for a few reasons.

First, what she says while talking to you is really meaningless. I've had women say we aren't having sex when they come over after a date and lo and behold within 15-30 minutes there she is with my d!ck in her mouth.

Stop trying to avoid being a man and just go be a man and ask her out. You'll feel a lot better once you do it than you will by trying to avoid it.

All this other silliness is getting you nowhere except making up things in your mind that have nothing to with reality.

I get what you're saying. What you're saying is true for a lot of men (they'll feel better if they get the closure of asking a woman out, even if the ask out becomes a rejection)

In my specific case though, past experience tells me the opposite is true for me. Every time I've been rejected by a woman I regularly cross paths with, I end up miserable.

The only rejections I've been able to easily shake off have been rejections on dating sites or cold approaches with broads I don't even know.

Plus there's the fact I'd have a panic attack while asking out my neighbor. On a recent-ish post about my panic attacks, @SW15 said no woman in the year 2024 would accept the advances of a man who's having a panic attack while asking her out (even if she's physically attracted to the man)

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I get what you're saying. What you're saying is true for a lot of men (they'll feel better if they get the closure of asking a woman out, even if the ask out becomes a rejection)

In my specific case though, past experience tells me the opposite is true for me. Every time I've been rejected by a woman I regularly cross paths with, I end up miserable.

The only rejections I've been able to easily shake off have been rejections on dating sites or cold approaches with broads I don't even know.

Plus there's the fact I'd have a panic attack while asking out my neighbor. On a recent-ish post about my panic attacks, @SW15 said no woman in the year 2024 would accept the advances of a man who's having a panic attack while asking her out (even if she's physically attracted to the man)

Choosing to not rewire your brain for success by continuing to do what you do to make it "easy" and "less painful" is going to get you nowhere in life.

Guess what? Change is painful. Get over it.

 

[GoodMan32]

Choosing to not rewire your brain for success by continuing to do what you do to make it "easy" and "less painful" is going to get you nowhere in life.

Guess what? Change is painful. Get over it.

Ok, but even if I rewired, what about the involuntary panic attacks when asking a woman I regularly cross paths with out?

 

[SW15]

I'd have a panic attack while asking out my neighbor.

If any man is unable to ask out a woman without having a panic attack at the moment of asking out, then that man would need to take a break from in-person approaching and resolve that issue. It's also likely that man would need to take a break from dating to resolve multiple issues that would emerge in the earlier stages of dating. These issues are issues likely to end most interactions.

As @BackInTheGame78 says, there would need to be a lot of brain rewiring.

Every time I've been rejected by a woman I regularly cross paths with, I end up miserable.

Men who do approaches in bigger cities are able to minimize this issue with good planning.

I have mainly done this over the years by changing up the venues where I approach women.

If I approach women in a mall and get rejected, I don't ever worry about seeing them again. Even if I only do approaches at one mall, that mall is so big that it is so unlikely I see them at that specific mall again. I have also done approaches at multiple malls and outdoor shopping centers in my city. The chances that I see someone from a mall approach again are very low.

Grocery store approaching is similar. If I get rejected at the grocery store, I'm not worried about seeing that same woman again. In big cities, the probabilities are low on that one, even if I only ever go to one grocery store. Over time, I've gone to multiple grocery stores and done approaches at many grocery stores. I've left comments on my grocery store interactions in various threads over time.

Do you ever spin Grocery Game?

I was watching this, and it got me interested: And of course, there is the classic grocery pickup scene:

www.sosuave.net

Grocery store pickup

Good, because I love ribs, pork chops, and bacon. They need to open more locations, then. Because I will pass 5 Walmarts before I see one Trader Joe's or Whole Foods. And nobody shops at Target anymore...every time I step into Target it is dead...with more employees than customers. Target...

www.sosuave.net

I've gone to multiple bars over time and I only ever remember seeing someone from a failed bar approach once. It's a low probability event.

The gym is the most problematic place for crossing paths in the future with someone who rejects an approach. If you are both members of the same gym and tend to go at similar times, there's a high probability of a future interaction. There are a few workarounds for this. Some might might get a secondary gym membership, use ClassPass, or buy short term class packages at standalone studio brands such as Title Boxing or SoulCycle. After doing that secondary facility purchase, they focus hitting on women at those secondary places where they aren't regulars.

The chances of running into a woman from a failed tech method date in real life are also minimal in big city life as well. I have arranged many dates from dating websites, dating apps, and social media over time and rarely ever had that happen to me.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Ok, but even if I rewired, what about the involuntary panic attacks when asking a woman I regularly cross paths with out?

The way you overcome those is by doing exactly what you are panicking about. And then continue doing it until you no longer have them.

It's called exposure therapy. It rewires your brain to basically see that there is nothing to panic about so it stops doing it.

Avoiding challenging situations doesn't make you stronger, it makes you weaker.

 

[GoodMan32]

If any man is unable to ask out a woman without having a panic attack at the moment of asking out, then that man would need to take a break from in-person approaching and resolve that issue. It's also likely that man would need to take a break from dating to resolve multiple issues that would emerge in the earlier stages of dating. These issues are issues likely to end most interactions.

As @BackInTheGame78 says, there would need to be a lot of brain rewiring.



Men who do approaches in bigger cities are able to minimize this issue with good planning.

I have mainly done this over the years by changing up the venues where I approach women.

If I approach women in a mall and get rejected, I don't ever worry about seeing them again. Even if I only do approaches at one mall, that mall is so big that it is so unlikely I see them at that specific mall again. I have also done approaches at multiple malls and outdoor shopping centers in my city. The chances that I see someone from a mall approach again are very low.

Grocery store approaching is similar. If I get rejected at the grocery store, I'm not worried about seeing that same woman again. In big cities, the probabilities are low on that one, even if I only ever go to one grocery store. Over time, I've gone to multiple grocery stores and done approaches at many grocery stores. I've left comments on my grocery store interactions in various threads over time.

Do you ever spin Grocery Game?

I was watching this, and it got me interested: And of course, there is the classic grocery pickup scene:

www.sosuave.net

Grocery store pickup

Good, because I love ribs, pork chops, and bacon. They need to open more locations, then. Because I will pass 5 Walmarts before I see one Trader Joe's or Whole Foods. And nobody shops at Target anymore...every time I step into Target it is dead...with more employees than customers. Target...

www.sosuave.net

I've gone to multiple bars over time and I only ever remember seeing someone from a failed bar approach once. It's a low probability event.

The gym is the most problematic place for crossing paths in the future with someone who rejects an approach. If you are both members of the same gym and tend to go at similar times, there's a high probability of a future interaction. There are a few workarounds for this. Some might might get a secondary gym membership, use ClassPass, or buy short term class packages at standalone studio brands such as Title Boxing or SoulCycle. After doing that secondary facility purchase, they focus hitting on women at those secondary places where they aren't regulars.

The chances of running into a woman from a failed tech method date in real life are also minimal in big city life as well. I have arranged many dates from dating websites, dating apps, and social media over time and rarely ever had that happen to me.

You're right, my panic attacks are indicative of larger issues that would drive a woman away.

Some people (from both genders) have called me a pig for wanting sex with a woman ASAP.

Am I a pig? In my opinion, no. I simply am enough of a realist to acknowledge the fact a woman's interest level tends to plummet the more she gets to know me (so if I don't get sex ASAP, I likely never will)

Running into a rejecter again through cold approaches is unlikely (which is one reason I'm less prone to panic attacks through a cold approach; also a reason cold approaches are perhaps a better option for me)

As for tech methods, you're right, it's unlikely to run into a woman from a tech method failure or rejection. I only recall it happening a few times (and with the sheer amount of attention broads get on dating/hookup platforms, some of the broads likely didn't even remember me)

 

[GoodMan32]

The way you overcome those is by doing exactly what you are panicking about. And then continue doing it until you no longer have them.

It's called exposure therapy. It rewires your brain to basically see that there is nothing to panic about so it stops doing it.

Avoiding challenging situations doesn't make you stronger, it makes you weaker.

How long do you reckon it would take for this exposure therapy to work?

Asking because in the meantime, before the exposure therapy works, I could end up wanting to quit my job, move out of my building, and stop going to my usual cafes (if I were to get rejected by broads in those settings)

I'm prone to panic attacks in other contexts too (I had a panic attack at my current job once because of a combination of disrespectful coworkers and the strictest boss this company has ever seen. I had panic attacks in my retail days because of difficult customers)

 

[BackInTheGame78]

How long do you reckon it would take for this exposure therapy to work?

Asking because in the meantime, before the exposure therapy works, I could end up wanting to quit my job, move out of my building, and stop going to my usual cafes (if I were to get rejected by broads in those settings)

I'm prone to panic attacks in other contexts too (I had a panic attack at my current job once because of a combination of disrespectful coworkers and the strictest boss this company has ever seen. I had panic attacks in my retail days because of difficult customers)

I'd suggest learning deep breathing techniques. They are highly effective at stopping them once they start.

How long will it take? Who knows. Honestly that's up to you. How often are you going to be willing to expose yourself to it and how serious are you about fixing it?

You have a million and one excuses for everything so I would be surprised if you actually took initiative.

Far easier just to keep making excuses.

 

[BaronOfHair]

It would appear that this thread is going to stretch out indefinitely also

 

[GoodMan32]

I'd suggest learning deep breathing techniques. They are highly effective at stopping them once they start.

How long will it take? Who knows. Honestly that's up to you. How often are you going to be willing to expose yourself to it and how serious are you about fixing it?

You have a million and one excuses for everything so I would be surprised if you actually took initiative.

Far easier just to keep making excuses.

I've done some thinking on the topic of ask outs/rejection/panic attacks (that's the good thing about being in the same job for 5 years: your tasks become 2nd nature, thus giving you time to think about personal stuff)

There's both good news and bad news.

The good news: I fully believe my panic attacks are 100% fixable. What makes me think that? A story I remembered from college.

When I finally lost my v-card in my 3rd year of college, I had a temporary confidence boost. I managed to ask out 2 female classmates without having a panic attack (they both rejected me)

Which brings me to the bad news: For the rest of my college career, I found it miserable to cross paths with those broads.

In other words, even if I were to overcome my panic attacks, there's still the problem of finding it miserable to cross paths with the broad if I get rejected.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I've done some thinking on the topic of ask outs/rejection/panic attacks (that's the good thing about being in the same job for 5 years: your tasks become 2nd nature, thus giving you time to think about personal stuff)

There's both good news and bad news.

The good news: I fully believe my panic attacks are 100% fixable. What makes me think that? A story I remembered from college.

When I finally lost my v-card in my 3rd year of college, I had a temporary confidence boost. I managed to ask out 2 female classmates without having a panic attack (they both rejected me)

Which brings me to the bad news: For the rest of my college career, I found it miserable to cross paths with those broads.

In other words, even if I were to overcome my panic attacks, there's still the problem of finding it miserable to cross paths with the broad if I get rejected.

Then stop allowing your self worth to depend on outside stimuli.

The problem is, you don't think you are worth anything and need outside stimuli and validation to boost your value internally.

That's a recipe for failure and it needs to change if you want to be successful at anything, not just with women.

Who cares if a woman rejects you? Go find a hotter woman and show her what she's missing.

You'll never get million dollar results with a 5 cent mentality.

 

[BaronOfHair]

In other words, even if I were to overcome my panic attacks, there's still the problem of finding it miserable to cross paths with the broad if I get rejected.

You've got near complete power over the manner in which you think about external events(Including rejection*), and what emotions you experience over them... You can be miserable, indifferent, giddy, or all points in-between


*You even have a choice as to whether or not you think of this as "rejection" I.E. Something being done TO you Vs. "I didn't receive the result I PREFERED, and also was never GUARANTEED"

 

[GoodMan32]

You've got near complete power over the manner in which you think about external events(Including rejection*), and what emotions you experience over them... You can be miserable, indifferent, giddy, or all points in-between


*You even have a choice as to whether or not you think of this as "rejection" I.E. Something being done TO you Vs. "I didn't receive the result I PREFERED, and also was never GUARANTEED"

With all due respect, you'll never understand what I go through unless you also were viewed as the freaky creep of your high school (or freaky creep of your college major department).

Rejection stings a lot more when you have a history of getting rejected for being the freaky creep of your school/department (as opposed to getting rejected because you simply aren't her type)

Speaking of the ladies, I'm outside on break at work right now. A woman (probably early to mid 40s Latina) just passed by about a minute ago. She said she liked my belt buckle. I said thanks. That was the end of it. I had no idea if I was supposed to take it any further. This is just one example of what I go through day in and day out...I don't know whether I'm supposed to progress with a woman (and if so, how)

 

[BackInTheGame78]

With all due respect, you'll never understand what I go through unless you also were viewed as the freaky creep of your high school (or freaky creep of your college major department).

Rejection stings a lot more when you have a history of getting rejected for being the freaky creep of your school/department (as opposed to getting rejected because you simply aren't her type)

Speaking of the ladies, I'm outside on break at work right now. A woman (probably early to mid 40s Latina) just passed by about a minute ago. She said she liked my belt buckle. I said thanks. That was the end of it. I had no idea if I was supposed to take it any further. This is just one example of what I go through day in and day out...I don't know whether I'm supposed to progress with a woman (and if so, how)

The excuses never end with you.

 

[BaronOfHair]

With all due respect, you'll never understand what I go through unless you also were viewed as the freaky creep of your high school (or freaky creep of your college major department)

I was the freaky creep of my own family from toddlerhood throughout adolescence, hoss... I had a violent, malignant mother and a father who personified "simp", long before that word was in wide circulation, and being weird and goofy was a defense mechanism: If I didn't seem like a potential threat, you were less likely to be assaulted

Like every other man in the history of our species, I had lessons that needed to be unlearned, and healthier mindsets and behaviors to be adopted. And like everyone else here at SS, I'm STILL evolving, unlearning, relearning

Seeing as you went through all the trouble to seek this forum out and become a member, I urge you to join us on the journey. As I state elsewhere: We wouldn't all be in your case, if we didn't want you to succeed

 

[GoodMan32]

I was the freaky creep of my own family from toddlerhood throughout adolescence, hoss... I had a violent, malignant mother and a father who personified "simp", long before that word was in wide circulation, and being weird and goofy was a defense mechanism: If I didn't seem like a potential threat, you were less likely to be assaulted

Like every other man in the history of our species, I had lessons that needed to be unlearned, and healthier mindsets and behaviors to be adopted. And like everyone else here at SS, I'm STILL evolving, unlearning, relearning

Seeing as you went through all the trouble to seek this forum out and become a member, I urge you to join us on the journey. As I state elsewhere: We wouldn't all be in your case, if we didn't want you to succeed

Growing up, I was the freaky creep of my family too (which my mom liked to point out)

 

[GoodMan32]

I was bullied until I almost killed a bully, then I was a 'psycho'. Which was fine with me, as long as they let me be.

Somewhat similar story here (although I never nearly killed anyone)

After moving to my current city, I ended up in positions where I could have died (became I came across as an easy target). I then learned a secret; the exercising of this secret has led to many a shady character avoiding/being afraid of me.

Like you, my attitude is "if that's what it takes to be left alone"

 

[BaronOfHair]

Growing up, I was the freaky creep of my family too (which my mom liked to point out)

You're not a child anymore. You have the power to start living consciously; and leading a voluntary life. Part of that means taking the assistance you're provided here, free of charge

 

[GoodMan32]

We all have been rejected school, in school nobody knows better, right now those guys and girls would give anything to have the life I have now.

We all have been bullied by family too, get over it, you're 25, at 25 I was working hard to move out of my parents house, like you should.

Every member in here hasn't peak yet, cause when you get to the highest you get board, that's called delayed gratification and when you peaked later in life, you get to enjoy it better, than peaking early. Even @AmsterdamAssassin hasn't peaked yet, just imagine that.

25? I'm 33.

Speaking of @AmsterdamAssassin, he told me yesterday that if I were to join a social group, I'd figure out which female members were open to getting hit on within a month (but he said most men would figure it out within 5-10 days).

He was giving me way too much credit (with his guess that I'd figure it out within a month). The 2 female college classmates I mentioned who I managed to ask out without having a panic attack? I had known those broads for several months by the time of the ask out. Apparently several months wasn't even enough time for me to figure out they weren't open to getting hit on.

 

[The Diver]

I've mentioned before on here that I lust after my next door neighbor who's nearly 20 years older than me (she's in her early 50s)
A few months ago, we got a new female employee in our building (the new girl is in her mid 20s). Shortly after the new girl started, my next door neighbor was discussing the new girl with me. It came out that the new girl barely spoke to my next door neighbor (but was extremely talkative with me). My neighbor proposed the idea that maybe the new girl is into me.
When I ran into my next door neighbor and her dogs today, I made it a point to work the new girl into the discussion (but also made sure the new girl wasn't the first thing I discussed). I told my neighbor that I did an experiment the other day where I purposely bypassed the front desk (and the new girl called me over)
I then mentioned to my neighbor that I find the new girl attractive, I have a lot in common with the new girl, but she's just a lot younger than I prefer (I mentioned the "a lot younger than I prefer" part because that would open the door for my neighbor to ask a follow up question about my age preference, at which point I would have said 45+. Then I would have asked how likely my neighbor thinks it is for a 45+ year old to go for a man my age, at which point the answer could potentially serve as a clue to whether I have a chance with my neighbor)
Unfortunately, the discussion never went in the direction I was hoping. After I made the "a lot younger than I prefer" comment, my neighbor turned the discussion into a discussion about her dogs.

FFS, just ask one of them out and you'll have your answer. Too much mind masturbation on your part.