Divorced w 3
Master Don Juan
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This has nothing to do with height or physical characteristics. They think you’re awkward and creepy. I’m sorry I have to put it so gently.
They mean next to nothing. The only thing that shows is that you're not a complete social reject.Hugs don't necessarily mean anything.
She saw you tense up in preparation for hugging her as she was hugging these other men and she realised you would misinterpret a social hug for an intimate hug, and she didn't want to go into sending the wrong signals, so she preferred to just skip hugging you.I'm in a social circle - international folks in an Eastern-European folks (yes, far too much sausage, but it is what it is ). So there was a semi-harridan chick (definitely bangable) that I had talked to earlier, and we talked, with a few others around. Then this little agglomeration of people just kind of moved on to other agglomerations. This chick was talking with some taller, Chaddish men, and when it came time that she was leaving, every one of those guys got a hug, while she seemed to avoid me, so as to not have to give me a hug.
Do all women have this innate quality?she realised you would misinterpret a social hug for an intimate hug
No, but the ones who do not are rare.Do all women have this innate quality?
Ehh, don't slap yourself over missing a possible IOI. A lot of men (myself included) don't want to make fools of ourselves by letting a woman know we think she's into us (but then have it turn out she's not into us)Yeah that’s exactly what I’m getting at.
My female friend either doesn’t hug me at all, or it’s an angled pat on the back one (FZ hug).
Back when I took dance classes, there was one lady who would give me very firm hugs as a greeting and practically jammed her boobs into me. It was such a strong IOI but it went over my head at the time lol.
The dance teacher (understandably) would greet me with the FZ hug.
Agreed, your circumstances are even worse than mine (which is saying a lot)No, she is married, and this is all being done in the same room where both my mother and father are present and they don't want us doing those things with each other. Also when we last hugged each other, they did a site inspection in the house and that ruffled some feathers with us here. One time later I did offer her a hug when she complained she was groped by another caregiving client and felt violated and didn't want to see him again.. For the moment, we are chit-chatting, and my folks are happy for me that we are talking to each other and it's normally upbeat. It's enough to register for the 2 day reset (ie I allow myself to watch ASMR videos and certain music videos if 2 days have passed without a decent interaction with a woman). I'm currently having high quality interactions with two different women and possibly a third one that comes off and on. However, I'm just focused on the 2 day rule for those interactions, it's more of a regulatory thing in terms fo the ASMR videos..it's like I don't want to watch them unless I feel I need to and established that rule to establish a strong enough need.
Like I said, my life, like yours, but probably worst comparitivly in terms of circumstances, does not lend itself to meeting or attracting SINGLE and AVAILABLE women anywhere. Interactions help as its better than nothing and things can bud and develop from interactions....I'll keep a note of that when that is happening.
On that note (social circle helping you), my social circle in college was of no help. I even remember one guy from my college clique telling me I'd like sex if I gave it a try (I was 18, freshman, hadn't had sex yet...but I had never mentioned my v-card status to any of my college friends). So I asked him "What makes you so sure I haven't tried sex?" He said no self-respecting girl would have sex with me.They mean next to nothing. The only thing that shows is that you're not a complete social reject.
In a social circle, it's important to see that the circle tries to help you with introductions to women to help you form longer term relationships. That didn't happen in the primary social circle in my city.
This is an important thing then. The idea posited by @SW15 that this is "next to nothing", and what you said earlier, that it does not "mean anything" is not really true. If it really did not mean anything, or "next to nothing" is you would never have given her a gift in order to receive a hug (ie which some might say is a little "simpish" since she should be attracted to your raw masculine energy and hug you without having to give her a gift, etc...) Even if you take the idea that you are not a complete "social reject" or "too repulsive to hug anyone", that's a big deal.Ehh, don't slap yourself over missing a possible IOI. A lot of men (myself included) don't want to make fools of ourselves by letting a woman know we think she's into us (but then have it turn out she's not into us)
On the topic of hugs, I have a female coworker who really had a rough year. So I gave her a birthday gift for her birthday back in August. After I gave her the gift, she then asked if she could hug me (I gave her permission). Her hug wasn't an angled friend zone hug...but wasn't quite a boob-jamming hug either (something in between).
In all honesty, I anticipated she'd hug me if I gave her a gift (which is one reason I gave her the gift)
This same female coworker has told me I have a nice smile before.
There's truth to both what you're saying and what @SW15 said.This is an important thing then. The idea posited by @SW15 that this is "next to nothing", and what you said earlier, that it does not "mean anything" is not really true. If it really did not mean anything, or "next to nothing" is you would never have given her a gift in order to receive a hug (ie which some might say is a little "simpish" since she should be attracted to your raw masculine energy and hug you without having to give her a gift, etc...) Even if you take the idea that you are not a complete "social reject" or "too repulsive to hug anyone", that's a big deal.
A sure-fire way is when her teats somehow manage to poke into you; this does not happen by accident.way to tell if a women is interested in the first instance, within the social circle scenario, is that she will start to do a thing in this list:
- touch you
- frequently try to talk to you
- frequently try to be near you
- frequently put her body in front of you, on in your direction
- frequent side glances
The rest it's up to you
The only reason that social circle kept you around is that they saw you as the jester - IOW, you jogged them.He said no self-respecting girl would have sex with me.
I guess that shows what my social circle thought of me in the lady department.
They were good solid hugs, but it didn't seem playful. I got triggered because when it came time for my hug, all I got a hand-wave "bye".What was the quality of the hug? Was it like a brief type of hug, or was it like a more "deeper" type of hug? I'm assuming it was a deep hug, where she's throwing her body to the guys and it's like a semi-fondling/hug thing? Is that what got you triggered?
After reading the source you shared about jestermaxxing, I wouldn't be so sure they only kept me because they viewed me as the jester.The only reason that social circle kept you around is that they saw you as the jester - IOW, you jogged them.
Jestermaxx
Jestermaxx or jestermaxxing is a term used in the incel community, most commonly to denote a man acting in an entertaining, amusing, histrionic or dramatic manner...incels.wiki
The point is that in general, being worthy enough to get a hug is a necessary (but not sufficient) condition to intimacy. At the very least, if a chick hugs Adam but not Bob, it can be deduced that Bob will not get intimacy, whereas Adam might. Of course, this only applied to a particular point in time - obviously if it has been a while that the chick is not attracting attention from Adam, she might recalibrate her pickiness and start hugging Bob.I've mentioned on this forum that I was in a sausage-heavy clique my freshman year of college (6 sausages, 2 clams)
The 2 clams would hug me. Yet they never dated me or gave me sex. One of the clams gave sex to 2 different sausages in our clique (and the other clam, adamant about remaining a virgin until marriage, at least dated 2 of the sausages in our clique)
My point? Hugs don't necessarily mean anything.
There was this "gay" guy at my work that was hugging up different ladies at the office and he liked playing with their hair. The women were either receptive to him, or were initiating hugs themselves with him. No event or occasion.Since it's work, she's not going to hug me just because. I deliberately created an event that would lead to her hugging me.
I'm skeptical too of whether the alleged gay man at your work really is gay.There was this "gay" guy at my work that was hugging up different ladies at the office and he liked playing with their hair. The women were either receptive to him, or were initiating hugs themselves with him. No event or occasion.
Well, I'm not sure if we can compare the behaviour of gay guys and straight women to straight guys and straight women....but then again, when I conveyed this story with another lady co-worker, she had her doubts as to whether he was really gay since that does not sound right when I described that to her.
That being said, the point is, you created an event to get a hug from a lady at the office, because it was important with you to get a hug from that lady. That means, hugs are important as an experience for you, and for guys in general.
To say that it means you are not repulsive, is not really the whole story. Would you honestly have gone through all that trouble, to get a gift, to create an event, to prove to yourself and the world you are not too repulsive to get a hug as a thank-you gesture for giving a lady at your office a gift? It's not that, it's you wanted a nicer connection with her and hugging is a wierd spot of having this feeling of intimacy with a woman, validation, and social acceptance with her and the peers around. So it was meaningful enough for you to have gone out of your way to set something up where you might get it. Almost sounds like someone seducing someone for a lay if you look at it (ie setting up events and timing in such a way a woman would want you), except you wanted a hug instead.
Do you feel she showed you interest with this hug and secretly likes you, and now has expressed that with a hug?
Eject for a year or more? You mean you would quit your job over that? You would leave a social group if a lady refused to hig you?I am sorry you guys are dealing with this problem. I mean this sincerely, this depth of analysis on your micro social dynamics must be difficult to have to deal with. I would almost eject for a year or more … keep contact on social , and then work a strategy out to come back a different guy, that way you don’t lose the social group that will possibly help on life but you can work on your social skills