How to Spot a Unicorn

[BeExcellent]

That's why I was saying she must really not be that bright and/or don't have standards to keep going out on dates. I mean an unicorn should be able to tell just by looking at a guy and being around him in a social setting if there's the potential of something romantically happen. How he looks, carries himself, body language, word of mouth about him etc all of that is plenty information for a true unicorn. Ditzy bimbos and fickle women need to go on dates, make out, perhaps even have sex and then decide ... well, there is no spark there, I tried it, but just isn't.

Many men hope to find such a woman. Ergo such a woman has many solid choices, who may be largely equivalent upon initial presentation.

You have NO idea what this kind of abundance looks like. Very sought after men experience the same thing.

 

[BeExcellent]

WOOHOO A BLAST FROM THE PAST: the revival of a golden oldie…

This is precisely where most women lose my attention. As a high value male I expect a high level of engagement from any woman I am courting.

I recently met what I consider to be a high value woman. We’ve been out together a few times and it’s always been fun, it has not become physical yet beyond hugs and pecks. She’s smart attractive and funny.

The issue? She like so many women nowadays has a completely overscheduled life, and I would need to plan a week or two out to see her. Yeah sorry that ain’t happening.

Here’s something I messaged her the other day:

“Your calendar is a tapestry of social and business commitments, a glaring testament to your vibrant life. This leaves me pondering the potential space within that tapestry for a narrative featuring us.

I am at a juncture where ephemeral connections hold little allure; I am pursuing a relationship of substance and significance. While I sense a mutual intrigue between us, the contours of that intrigue remain undefined.”

To which she responded that yes it’s how she has dealt with her loneliness in the intervening years since her divorce. And that planning things would be the best way to get together. Again 2 weeks out? Nope sorry girl.

Our level of communication has dropped off significantly since that exchange. I do still hear from her every few days just chit chat. She definitely is opening me and hopes that I will ask her out again but again every time I’ve tried to do something within a day or two it’s been virtually impossible so I’m just not going to try. I’ve made it abundantly clear that I’m very interested in her and if she can’t be flexible though, I’m not interesting enough for her.

I refuse to be second or third choice. If she’s serious about a relationship and attracted enough to me, she will make time otherwise, there’s other chicks that will.

She has talked to me about the dearth of “good men” and the discussions she has had with her female friends how they all bemoan that men seem initially engaged and then drop off. What’s funny is that she, as smart as she is cannot see the juncture between her behaviors and that drop off…

Frankly, this is why I have lowered my age requirement women in their early 40s don’t seem to have this problem.

This is the vetting process in action. It goes two ways. You have made effort and she has not assigned you high enough priority. She has responded but not with sufficient interest to keep you engaged in the interaction.

Women also must come to understand that when you come across a high value man he too has good options and is not going to wait around indefinitely.

 

[SW15]

High quality women have an abundance of options.

True, but not fully true. All women under menopausal age have a lot of options. Even women 50+ are able to get a lot of options from tech-based options.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

www.youtube.com

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

While I’m my 50’s im a rapidly depreciating asset, but not as much as she is. The issue is that she will still be doing what she’s doing in a few months and I’ll be happily ensconced in an LTR with most likely, a younger attractive woman. Shrug.

Since we’re rapidly becoming texting buddies, I might just drop that on her. She may be intelligent enough to take it to heart - not for me - that ship has dropped its moorings and the diesel is warming up….

This is the vetting process in action. It goes two ways. You have made effort and she has not assigned you high enough priority. She has responded but not with sufficient interest to keep you engaged in the interaction.

Women also must come to understand that when you come across a high value man he too has good options and is not going to wait around indefinitely.

 

[soulforge]

I agree that most guys aren't shyt today either, but Feminism/Gynocentrism have destroyed masculinity especially over here in the black community where 75% of households are single mother households. So that means the BOYS are being raised by feminist/gynocentric "independent/strong" black women, which ties to why a lot of the black culture is fvcked up and why thug culture is celebrated/worshipped. That culture comes from feminism/gynocentrism.




I can assure you that's not my issue. I have YET to meet a quality woman based on the definition I supplied.



Lmaoo....my friend NO BLACK WOMAN IN AMERICA fits this. I'm sure that a very small percentage of white middle class women fit this. The only women that would fit this would come from some FOREIGN country. But the issue with the FOREIGN chick is that once you take her and bring her back to America, she will eventually become poisoned as well because the other feminist/gynocentric women will eventually convince her to change her ways.

This is FACTS I know of several Eastern European chick who came to Western countries, once they spent a considerable amount of time here in the UK, they are no different than your typical British 304 lol

 

[BeExcellent]

While I’m my 50’s im a rapidly depreciating asset, but not as much as she is. The issue is that she will still be doing what she’s doing in a few months and I’ll be happily ensconced in an LTR with most likely, a younger attractive woman. Shrug.

Since we’re rapidly becoming texting buddies, I might just drop that on her. She may be intelligent enough to take it to heart - not for me - that ship has dropped its moorings and the diesel is warming up….

That’s not a bad idea honestly. Dating is not like other compartments of life. In dating a woman who expects a desirable man has got to defer, submit and embrace the female role in a feminine way. You cannot expect to be a ball buster. It simply is an enormous turn off to a masculine man.

There are rules. You refuse to play by them? You lose out. No exceptions.

 

[BeExcellent]

Don't be surprised if in the future both women your son's gf and your daughter after a child, divorce them with the thinking of "I want to see what's out there, you're the only man I've been with". You know the FOMO, after all, that was the example in your household, you divorce their dad and got remarried.

Ah yes the cheap shot.

My kids know exactly why I left their father. My kids had to pick up and clean up after him, call me for help when the utilities got shut off because he was too lazy to open the mail and/or bother to pay the bills even though there was plenty of money. My kids smelled the alcohol on him and saw the booze and the snuff messes he left everywhere. My kids saw their father have to walk to and from work after he got a DUI one night (and my ex husband was very lucky that the DUI did not cost him his job.)

But that was not who he was when we married.

So yeah. My kids know why I divorced him. Furthermore my kids have observed the different trajectories of my life compared to their father since the divorce.

So they don’t like drinking, they don’t like excessive partying or messes or irresponsibility or laziness as they’ve observed the result. They are concerned about their credit scores and they pay bills on time, maintain their cars and save money.

The worst example I could have set was to stay with their father. My kids understand this and each of my children has told me this individually. They understand actions have consequences.

It’s not as though my first husband had his act together after his partnership went sour and he was forced to sell out of his business. I stayed with him through all that for years trying to help, support, etc. while I was the sole breadwinner for the family for 10 years. I still support him today without being obligated to do so by any court requiring that. That was an agreement we made during the divorce. Had he not dropped his responsibilities as a man & gotten depressed and crawled into a bottle (which caused complete erosion of respect), I would still be with him. My kids know that too.

No way was I setting an example that it’s Ok to be a loser man for my son & no way I’m modeling to my daughters to stay with a man who refuses to respect himself, his family or his role as a husband & father.

Nope.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Ah yes the cheap shot.

My kids know exactly why I left their father. My kids had to pick up and clean up after him, call me for help when the utilities got shut off because he was too lazy to open the mail and/or bother to pay the bills even though there was plenty of money. My kids smelled the alcohol on him and saw the booze and the snuff messes he left everywhere. My kids saw their father have to walk to and from work after he got a DUI one night (and my ex husband was very lucky that the DUI did not cost him his job.)

But that was not who he was when we married.

So yeah. My kids know why I divorced him. Furthermore my kids have observed the different trajectories of my life compared to their father since the divorce.

So they don’t like drinking, they don’t like excessive partying or messes or irresponsibility or laziness as they’ve observed the result. They are concerned about their credit scores and they pay bills on time, maintain their cars and save money.

The worst example I could have set was to stay with their father. My kids understand this and each of my children has told me this individually. They understand actions have consequences.

It’s not as though my first husband had his act together after his partnership went sour and he was forced to sell out of his business. I stayed with him through all that for years trying to help, support, etc. while I was the sole breadwinner for the family for 10 years. I still support him today without being obligated to do so by any court requiring that. That was an agreement we made during the divorce. Had he not dropped his responsibilities as a man & gotten depressed and crawled into a bottle (which caused complete erosion of respect), I would still be with him. My kids know that too.

No way was I setting an example that it’s Ok to be a loser man for my son & no way I’m modeling to my daughters to stay with a man who refuses to respect himself, his family or his role as a husband & father.

Nope.

Nice post and nice thread.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Not really a cheap shot, kids emulate parents relationship. You say he was not like when you two got married, either something very traumatic happened to him and you left without helping him, which gives the example of leaving their partner when there is something bad, or you didn't see the red flags from the beginning which bad judgement from your part, I'm leaning into the later.

You say your kids had to pick up after him like some pride that you let them do that, that is very traumatic for kids to be an adults. Maybe they're okay with no trauma which is great for them.

Alcohol destroys families.

Never met my grandfather who died from the disease while my mother was in college and my grandmother was glossing over it instead of taking the hard route.

His legacy is as follows:

his widow remarried and abandoned all but her youngest in an apartment and moved across the country, my mother had to beg the landlord not to throw her and her other three siblings out in high school and grammar school, the youngest has never married and has had at least one abortion that I am aware of while her boyfriend just died which we just found out she was shacking up with to live with while he finished out terminal illness; my grandmothers other 3 kids are variations of window shop sanity with bouts of bad relationships some which ended with children, mental illness and gun violence;

I would rather any day spend 50% or more of my time with someone who had set the right example than 100% in a situation like that.

 

[BeExcellent]

Not really a cheap shot, kids emulate parents relationship. You say he was not like when you two got married, either something very traumatic happened to him and you left without helping him, which gives the example of leaving their partner when there is something bad, or you didn't see the red flags from the beginning which bad judgement from your part, I'm leaning into the later.

You say your kids had to pick up after him like some pride that you let them do that, that is very traumatic for kids to be an adults. Maybe they're okay with no trauma which is great for them.

You have no idea. My first husband portrayed himself as a successful nightclub owner and owned, in partnership, the best live music venue in a nightlife city. He DID NOT drink then and hadn’t for many years. I was myself an entrepreneur and when we married he appeared a good match. I didn’t get into the details of his business prior to marriage; he didn’t get into the details of mine.

Within the first two years of marriage the partnership was dissolved and it was a raw deal. My father (a renowned lawyer) rescued my husband free of charge. We had a son in diapers. My husband was too prideful to work as a bartender or manage for someone else, meanwhile my business was taking off. My husband said cool, I’ll be the house spouse. Fine. Only he was lazy. I came home to dirty dishes, unopened mail, unwashed clothes, and a wrecked house. So I’d kill myself getting it all taken care of (including the yard) on the weekends.

You try working a 60 hour week and then covering for a lazy spouse who sleeps all day and will not go to counseling or therapy to address depression. I did exactly that for more than 10 years.

So I don’t think anyone (except you of course) is going to fault me for leaving. I was faithful, I was committed, I offered to fund whatever help he needed, and even now he lives rent free in a house I own because I’m too kind to put him on the street.

You see, you are only ever 50% of any interaction. You cannot create ambition in someone else. You cannot cure depression either. You cannot go to therapy or cure addiction for someone else.

So there comes a point where you have a choice: Stay (and continue to enable by staying) or go (and show that you refuse to tolerate their behavior).

I stayed for nearly 20 years. He started drinking again about 10 years in.

Now. If you’d like to lampoon me for leaving after 20 years? Go right ahead. The reason my children are as well adjusted as they are is they KNOW why I left. They also know I stayed longer than I probably should have out of duty and responsibility to them, and they appreciate that.

Guess who had to deal with his disaster of a life after I moved out? They did. They got sick of cleaning the house, doing the dishes etc because he wouldn’t. They’ve tried to encourage him to get help too, they too have been unsuccessful.

You see, an experience confers a truth much more effectively than someone telling them something. They have the experience. I don’t need to say a word.

They know their dad loves them but they also know dad has major issues. They love him but they know it is not their job to rescue him just as it was never my job. They know their responsibility is their own lives; their own goals and dreams. In me they see an example what they should do; in their father they see an example of what they should not do. It is what it is.

In your driveby swipes you simply reveal your own attitudes and beliefs and rank lack of life experience.

I see that. So does any other viewer who’s been through marriage, kids, and storms in life.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I agree and idk, but an alcoholic doesn't give a red flags in the beginning? I don't really trust when women say "oh he wasn't like that" cause they always twist words.

upper class childhood sweethearts in a time where family cohesion was sacrosanct and divorce was nearly as bad as murder.

 

[pipeman84]

We had a son in diapers. My husband was too prideful to work as a bartender or manage for someone else, meanwhile my business was taking off. My husband said cool, I’ll be the house spouse. Fine. Only he was lazy. I came home to dirty dishes, unopened mail, unwashed clothes, and a wrecked house.

Yet you had 2 more kids with him.
And before getting together with him you had at least 2 failed relationships (one was 5yrs, basically a marriage) ... so don't try to paint the picture that as a 30yrs old woman you didn't really know who you were marrying.

 

[BeExcellent]

Look at @All_Kindz_Of_Gainz it doesn’t matter really. Id known my first husband 3+ years when we married & we were friends first. I knew he didn’t drink.

The problem is (as I’ve said many places) you cannot know how another person is going to handle REAL adversity until you have some real adversity. That happened after the marriage. Sometimes life is like that. Thank God I had the character, determination and ability to pick up the pieces and carry the family. Many women can’t.

As to @pipeman84 I was a virgin into my 20s, and I was an LTR girl. Sometimes things don’t work out in a LTR.

I was married. Til death was the idea. I was ALL IN with my first husband. I was helping him through his crisis at the time from a ride or die perspective. That is what you do in a marriage. Many women would have bailed when the partnership fiasco happened. I didn’t. I was committed. Of course we had more children, I fully expected him to overcome his adversity and I was by his side doing all I could humanly do to help him. He did not begin drinking until our youngest was 3 or 4, he was not what I’d consider a full blown alcoholic until years after that. Oh well.

His crisis became more protracted over the years as he refused (and still refuses) to cope with it.

Eventually one must accept that the other person must help themselves. Leaving him was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.

But I did it for the right reasons.

You see I have character. Character is rare. Women without character would have bailed years earlier if not immediately. We were MARRIED and that is a level of commitment never married people simply do NOT understand. I know that and so does anyone else who has been married. You want a partner who will do whatever they can to help in life when the shjt hits the fan. But you still have to be the man & get up when you get knocked down. That is not the woman’s job at the end of the day.

So ya I’m certainly a unicorn in that aspect. No doubt.

The premise of this thread stands in spite of people constantly making it about me. If you want a woman with character? Go read the start of this thread.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Yet you had 2 more kids with him.
And before getting together with him you had at least 2 failed relationships (one was 5yrs, basically a marriage) ... so don't try to paint the picture that as a 30yrs old woman you didn't really know who you were marrying.

I don’t think that’s fair. You seek advice here on various topics. We all have made mistakes. Sometimes we get our wisdom from others and sometimes we have to get it out in life.

 

[member162951]

@BeExcellent please don't feel you need to defend yourself. It's much better to have a few relationships (or a marriage) that didn't work out but that you learned, grew and evolved from to become a better human being and partner than NO relationships at all like one particular poster who at 38 has admitted to never having a relationship.

I suppose it's a matter of opinion who's the dysfunctional one, the one unable to love and bond, I for one would much MUCH rather the former. The latter, the person with NO relationship history and pushing 40, stay away from them, there are some deep issues going on there, man or woman. No thank you.

I'm happy you finally found your "person" all the best to both of you!

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

 

[BeExcellent]

Appreciate your kindness @JoyDivision1990 .

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I had a gf who enjoyed alcohol, but I don't drink and I don't like to be around drunk women (I worked in nightclubs as a bouncer, so my career choices were not always the best ) and my gf had her alcohol consumption under control during our relationship. After I broke up with her, she went on a bender then came stinking drunk at three in the morning looking for me to fvck her. That repeated itself about 4-5 times before she got herself a new man, who was a con and a drunk, so for a while I watched her slide into the abyss.

AFAIK, she never climbed out again. Nobody in her family had expected her to be such a lush. I'm sure there are 'red flags', but in her family nobody was an alcoholic. I thought she had her intake under control. You can't always tell.

 

[BeExcellent]

I’ve demonstrated character my entire life. Am I perfect? Nope. But I make decisions from a place of what is best considering all the factors. For me, for my partner, for my family. And I do that from a place rooted in personal integrity. I’ve left friendships and jobs and relationships from a place of character. My sisters also do this. It’s how we were raised. Its how my father, and even for all her flaws, how my dysfunctional mother taught us to be in the world. It’s how I guide my children, it’s how I support my friends.

It matters. A woman with character is who you want mothering your children if you have some. It’s who you choose for a wife. And because they are rare to begin with plenty of men fail to recognize such women and/or are invisible to such women because as men they aren’t yet personally developed enough to qualify for such women.

That’s what in essence this thread is about. Who is a unicorn (a high quality woman with character who also happens to be physically attractive), where/how do you meet such women, how do you interact when you find one & who do you need to be as a man to appeal to such women.

That’s the purpose of this thread. And these are questions lots of men seek the answers to.