How to Spot a Unicorn

[Barrister]

Most angles of this have already been discussed - much of it very well put by multiple members. I doubt any new insights can really be offered.

That said, I’ve found my own experience to be one where I’ve gone from blue pill in my early twenties to incredibly red pill right after my divorce. I’ve slowly swung back a slight ways on the pendulum and actually feel less negative overall about women than I did even three years ago. I understand now that there are pitfalls for both sides in the dating world: but I do think men overall have muddier waters to navigate than women.

There is still alive and well the idea highlighted by @BeExcellent 5 years ago that a man will say if a woman puts out on date 1 then she is not high quality. The same man who says this first statement in the next breath complains about a woman not wanting to put out and therefore she should be Nexted. For what it is worth, I actually subconscious find myself agreeing with the first part. I can say my best relationships I have had with women (all of which resulted in LTRs) were relationships where I had to give chase for a period of time. Had I nexted even after the “3 date rule” of not getting sex I would have missed out. On the other hand, any woman I’ve bedded on Date 1, and I’ve had a number of them, I have never had anything meaningful with. I do not believe a “unicorn” exists in any fashion.

Purely anecdotal I know. Good idea to bring this back @TheProspect .

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

Very few unicorns are going to put up with unmarried status and almost none will put up with plate status for very long if they realize they are just a plate.

here is the rub, you cant put a time limit on a man , i trust you today, you change tommorow, what happens if you discover a part of my personality or being that you are repulsed by? now we're married , now we're locked in...im betting on you.

now as far as sex goes, sex on the first or 2nd date tells me that this chick is diggin me , idgaf about her other men and '''how many times she's does this'' that is very foolish and immature mindset to have. if a woman really likes you she gonna give it to you , that doesnt mean jump to exclusivity now, its not a sign of a ''wife'' per se , it just speeds up the process of relaxing , letting down barriers and getting to know eachothers true character, simply put , women fvck men that they like , and want to keep around. the real problem with failed marriage (my 2 cents) is simply the fact of pathetic dudes who dont want to improve their looks,mental state or earning potential, they dont wanna date, they put up with bad behavior and linger in relationships they shouldnt be in. period.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

She will be kind but direct if she is not interested. She has many options so she prefers to keep only those she is truly considering as real options in her dating rotation. Orbiters are a waste of her time and she values her time.

bang, ths is very important.
sometimes i feel lower after rejection, sometimes i actually feel better , because of the simope fact i know i wont be wasting my time, being lied to cheated on or strung along, many guys hate rejection but actually , you should love it.

 

[Velasco]

I have met ideal women to have a relationship with and possibly co-habitate with, but I've never met a "quality" woman. She simply does not exist.

As far as judging a woman by how quickly she sleeps with me, that goes out the window as well. A woman will sleep with a man for a number of reasons:

1) She's horny
2) She's rebounding
3) She's cheating
4) She feels a connection
5) She hopes he'll fall deeply for her after sex
6) She's just pain attracted

Other than cheating, nothing on that list makes her low quality. I'm even sceptical of making cheating an exception.

You cannot judge a woman by how quickly she fvcks. You're much better off judging her by her lifestyle, her background, and the people she keeps company with.

+1

Physically attracted (not in your control) -> rapport/connection -> horny -> sex, is how you sleep with unicorns on the first date.

 

[bat soup]

This is another bit of hypocrisy from the PUA world. To a lot of men, there are two kinds of women: The girls you have sex with, and the girl you settle down with. The party girl and the nice girl. You don't marry the party girl. Of course these days, you practically can't even marry the nice girl, but you get the point.

It's the male equivalent of Alpha Fvcks, Beta Bucks. But it's almost a mirror image of it, because guys will see more value in the long term girl (generally speaking). Whereas girls see more value in the short term guy (according to PUA Theory anyway, which is rather suspect because it's self serving. Of course the short term guy is going to say the short term guy is more desirable).

Rooshv is a good example of this hypocrisy.

He dedicated years of his life to casual sex and then shames women for wanting the same thing.

 

[TheProspect]

+1

Physically attracted (not in your control) -> rapport/connection -> horny -> sex, is how you sleep with unicorns on the first date.

Luck (timing) plays a huge role too in regards to just coming across a single "unicorn". As @BeExcellent mentioned, quality women are swept off the market quite quickly.

 

[Konada]

Chiming in after 4 years of leaving this forum. Unicorns do exist and luck does play a part. But you will never be able to spot/hold down a unicorn if you don't do the following:

1. Work on yourself, get rid of your internal **** (including how previous women screwed you over), and unafraid to express your standards

2. Be willing to challenge whatever the redpill manosphere has indoctrinated in you

I found mine and never looked back since.

 

[Lookatu]

Luck (timing) plays a huge role too in regards to just coming across a single "unicorn". As @BeExcellent mentioned, quality women are swept off the market quite quickly.

I believe this is mostly what it comes down to these days. Luck and Timing.

Recently, I got that opportunity. Met a girl that was together with her guy for 18 years total since she was 18yo. She was married for 13 years of that. She got on OLD for a few weeks only and I was her first date out of it. I think her being out of the marketplace for awhile, she is still trying to get a feel for it and doesn't wanna just go for the first person she comes across. I'm giving her space to do that. We'll see where it goes...

 

[Bokanovsky]

I believe this is mostly what it comes down to these days. Luck and Timing.

Recently, I got that opportunity. Met a girl that was together with her guy for 18 years total since she was 18yo. She was married for 13 years of that. She got on OLD for a few weeks only and I was her first date out of it. I think her being out of the marketplace for awhile, she is still trying to get a feel for it and doesn't wanna just go for the first person she comes across. I'm giving her space to do that. We'll see where it goes...

A divorced woman in her late 30's is not a "unicorn" by any stretch.

Really, there is a very narrow window of opportunity for meeting a real unicorn, to the extent such a thing even exists. A "quality woman" will be in a long-term relationship by the time she is in her early 20's and therefore off the market. If she's ever back on the market later in life, she will returning not as a unicorn but as an average woman tainted by previous failed relationships.

 

[Lookatu]

A divorced woman in her late 30's is not a "unicorn" by any stretch.

Really, there is a very narrow window of opportunity for meeting a real unicorn, to the extent such a thing even exists. A "quality woman" will be in a long-term relationship by the time she is in her early 20's and therefore off the market. If she's ever back on the market later in life, she will returning not as a unicorn but as an average woman tainted by previous failed relationships.

That is one dimensional thinking my man. You are just basing it merely on age. I suppose you think the only unicorns out there are 18yo virgins?

This girl at 18 knew she found someone really good and wanted to settle down with him. She held onto the marriage for an extra 2-3 years to try to salvage it even though he wasn't pulling his weight. (lost his job, turned to smoking weed and just playing video games). She pulled all the weight in that relationship doing all house chores(including shoveling snow and mowing the lawn) and doing house repairs. Her dad is basically an athlete and her parents are still together. She gets along and respects both of them.

She's into weight training, camping, have shot guns, does half marathons, and into MMA. In fact midway through our first date, SHE already asked me to the MMA fight which she bought tickets to at a venue.

For their divorce, she gave him the house and just walked away, asking nothing in return.

She doesn't have the baggage of being in multiple failed relationships, and pump and dumps. She's a trooper type. She's more experienced in life than your 20yo but without being bitter and jaded like a lot of older gals. Best of both worlds IMO.

 

[Bokanovsky]

That is one dimensional thinking my man. You are just basing it merely on age. I suppose you think the only unicorns out there are 18yo virgins?

Not just age but also exposure to relationship failure. Failed relationship take a toll on people, especially women. Just like car that's been in a crash is never going to be "mint", a divorced woman is not going to be a "unicorn".

This girl at 18 knew she found someone really good and wanted to settle down with him. She held onto the marriage for an extra 2-3 years to try to salvage it even though he wasn't pulling his weight. (lost his job, turned to smoking weed and just playing video games). She pulled all the weight in that relationship doing all house chores(including shoveling snow and mowing the lawn) and doing house repairs.

You know this because you are a long-time friend of the family? Or is this insight based exclusively on her one-sided account?

She doesn't have the baggage of being in multiple failed relationships, and pump and dumps. She's a trooper type. She's more experienced in life than your 20yo but without being bitter and jaded like a lot of older gals. Best of both worlds IMO.

There is always baggage from failed long-term relationships (more so than from pump and dumps). Sounds like you are infatuated with girl and have built up an idealized image of her in your mind.

 

[Lookatu]

Not just age but also exposure to relationship failure.

She's only had one BF in HS before she met her husband. I would say two relationship failures is way ahead of the game compared to most girls these days.

So what would YOU classify as a Unicorn?

 

[Bokanovsky]

She's only had one BF in HS before she met her husband. I would say two relationship failures is way ahead of the game compared to most girls these days.

So what would YOU classify as a Unicorn?

A woman in her late teens/early 20's who has never been in a long-term relationship. Unicorns are rare by definition.

That's is not to say you should only date unicorns. You will be celibate for the rest of your life if you set that as your standard.

 

[Lookatu]

A woman in her late teens/early 20's who has never been in a long-term relationship. Unicorns are rare by definition.

That's is not to say you should only date unicorns. You will be celibate for the rest of your life if you set that as your standard.

That's pretty unrealistic these days, almost bordering on science fiction. Do you think girls that young know what they want in life?

Agree on being celibate for the rest of your life if you wait for your definition of a unicorn.

 

[BeExcellent]

It’s interesting that this thread is periodically revived. That is because men get tired of the endless rotations and plate spinning often in time. Men desire the “right” partner to do life with.

These are timeless questions and have been discussed in depth in this thread.

This thread was written in 2016 and still holds true. I should note that my own son has his “unicorn” at age 21 whose virginity he took and who he plans to marry (they have been together almost 5 years); my older daughter is in an LTR with her first and only boyfriend who she has been with now for 3 years at age 19, and I myself am remarried to a man who finds me to embody the qualities discussed on this thread and who is delighted to be my husband.

The LDR man I was seeing at the outset of this thread met a woman 16 years his junior; they have been together since 2018 (he met her shortly after we chose to stop seeing one another due to different lives and life circumstances)…we chat on rare occasion and he has found his woman - they are likely to marry and they live together now. He also knows I am happily remarried and he remains a positive and impressive man who overcame much adversity during the time we were involved and thereafter.

It comes down to character gentlemen if you want to find the right girl. Read the thread and tease out the gold nuggets.

Cheers.

 

[pipeman84]

What does this unicorn act like? How does she conduct herself?

First she has a self confidence about her and she understands her value. Not in a snobby way but in a self assured way. Because she understands her value she expects to be courted by a man. A man who displays sexual interest will be encouraged by her flirtation with you but vulgarity and overt sexual aggression will be a turn off. She will expect you to make investment in her before she will give you her body. She knows that the initial physical conquest ends once she gives you her body and she will expect you to have willingness to invest in her before she allows you that conquest. This is why she is extremely unlikely to sleep with you early on. She weeds out the pump & dump guys this way.

100% this ^^

She will be kind but direct if she is not interested. She has many options so she prefers to keep only those she is truly considering as real options in her dating rotation. Orbiters are a waste of her time and she values her time.

That bolded part I strongly disagree with. Firstly, dating rotation and unicorn in the same sentence? How is she an unicorn if she continually dates various guys even if they don't have sex. If I heard of such a woman, I would first doubt she doesn't actually have sex, then I would think she's probably 1. not too bright and/or lacking standards that she's unable to properly screen the guys before even going out on the first date and 2. she has a vibe or some issues that put the guys off

Secondly, if she's an unicorn she has very few real options. An unicorn will seek to connect with her male equivalent in what would be a soul level connection. If you're looking strictly trough a material lens, then yes, a young, attractive woman has plenty of options and so does a fit, financially successful guy, but it's not the material stuff that makes the unicorn.

 

[BeExcellent]

100% this ^^


That bolded part I strongly disagree with. Firstly, dating rotation and unicorn in the same sentence? How is she an unicorn if she continually dates various guys even if they don't have sex. If I heard of such a woman, I would first doubt she doesn't actually have sex, then I would think she's probably 1. not too bright and/or lacking standards that she's unable to properly screen the guys before even going out on the first date and 2. she has a vibe or some issues that put the guys off

Secondly, if she's an unicorn she has very few real options. An unicorn will seek to connect with her male equivalent in what would be a soul level connection. If you're looking strictly trough a material lens, then yes, a young, attractive woman has plenty of options and so does a fit, financially successful guy, but it's not the material stuff that makes the unicorn.

I think you misunderstand my point. High quality women have an abundance of options. Men are often impressed with her and seeking to get on her calendar. This is particularly true in university and post university settings, social environments etc. So she is often bombarded with opportunities. She constantly has to prioritize, release and drop various opportunities in favor of the ones she actually values. She may have dates for example with various men as she seeks the best man to pursue something meaningful with. This is not unusual. Having coffee or lunch or dinner or otherwise spending some time getting acquainted with different men who show interest in order to see who she clicks with is not unusual and is normal for any sought after person.

It doesn’t mean she’s sleeping with people indiscriminately, quite the opposite. It’s in person vetting or vetting through telephone or other communications.

Dating is a mutual selection process. To have a selection process there are options from which to select.

Any desirable person experiences this.

 

[pipeman84]

This is particularly true in university and post university settings, social environments etc. So she is often bombarded with opportunities. She constantly has to prioritize, release and drop various opportunities in favor of the ones she actually values. She may have dates for example with various men as she seeks the best man to pursue something meaningful with. This is not unusual. Having coffee or lunch or dinner or otherwise spending some time getting acquainted with different men who show interest in order to see who she clicks with is not unusual and is normal for any sought after person.

That's why I was saying she must really not be that bright and/or don't have standards to keep going out on dates. I mean an unicorn should be able to tell just by looking at a guy and being around him in a social setting if there's the potential of something romantically happen. How he looks, carries himself, body language, word of mouth about him etc all of that is plenty information for a true unicorn. Ditzy bimbos and fickle women need to go on dates, make out, perhaps even have sex and then decide ... well, there is no spark there, I tried it, but just isn't.

 

[member162951]

I just posted something similar on @self_is_an_illusion thread about women making men wait for sex.

Bottom line is men want women are who easy for them to get (due to high attraction) but harder for other men to get because of low attraction.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

She will expect investment on your part. She is giving to you and will expect you to invest in her. These things (her giving and your investment) should be complimentary.

WOOHOO A BLAST FROM THE PAST: the revival of a golden oldie…

This is precisely where most women lose my attention. As a high value male I expect a high level of engagement from any woman I am courting.

I recently met what I consider to be a high value woman. We’ve been out together a few times and it’s always been fun, it has not become physical yet beyond hugs and pecks. She’s smart attractive and funny.

The issue? She like so many women nowadays has a completely overscheduled life, and I would need to plan a week or two out to see her. Yeah sorry that ain’t happening.

Here’s something I messaged her the other day:

“Your calendar is a tapestry of social and business commitments, a glaring testament to your vibrant life. This leaves me pondering the potential space within that tapestry for a narrative featuring us.

I am at a juncture where ephemeral connections hold little allure; I am pursuing a relationship of substance and significance. While I sense a mutual intrigue between us, the contours of that intrigue remain undefined.”

To which she responded that yes it’s how she has dealt with her loneliness in the intervening years since her divorce. And that planning things would be the best way to get together. Again 2 weeks out? Nope sorry girl.

Our level of communication has dropped off significantly since that exchange. I do still hear from her every few days just chit chat. She definitely is opening me and hopes that I will ask her out again but again every time I’ve tried to do something within a day or two it’s been virtually impossible so I’m just not going to try. I’ve made it abundantly clear that I’m very interested in her and if she can’t be flexible though, I’m not interesting enough for her.

I refuse to be second or third choice. If she’s serious about a relationship and attracted enough to me, she will make time otherwise, there’s other chicks that will.

She has talked to me about the dearth of “good men” and the discussions she has had with her female friends how they all bemoan that men seem initially engaged and then drop off. What’s funny is that she, as smart as she is cannot see the juncture between her behaviors and that drop off…

Frankly, this is why I have lowered my age requirement women in their early 40s don’t seem to have this problem.