Feeling like a lost cause - another perfect date turned sour

[Aaron B]

He's desperate for a LTR, not desperate for sex.

I think you have confused the two.

If your goal is to twist my words and make me seem wrong, that is easily achieved.

I stand by my previous post and consider your attempt to refute it failed.

 

[Aaron B]

double post

 

[st_99]

Okay, Mr. Aaron B -- so you are saying that the only girl that wants to have an LTR with Jariel has to be aware that Jariel is cheating on another women he has an LTR with and that makes her LTR material. Get off the crack.

lol, i get correctors comments as I think he is conveying that all this complexity is a bit ridiculous. It should be boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, they continue seeing each other. wtf! haha.

 

[corrector]

his goal is a LTR not sex

So what? It doesn't matter what his goal is, it matters is how he is presenting himself to the women to the women that want an LTR, and type of women. I find it hard to believe that a woman has sex with a man without seeing him as boyfriend material first or seeing him as more than a brother or friend.

Ever wonder why rejection and LTR's are always tied to "friendzones" and Mr. Nice Guy. You never hear of scenarios like this thread existing unless the guy has zero personality and is just carrying the whole weight on his looks. Doesn't add up, sorry.

 

[Aaron B]

women have no problem sleeping with men they know aren't relationship material

many times she makes a guy she considers relationship material wait for sex but she will bang the unavailable bad boy straight away

 

[Aaron B]

lol, i get correctors comments as I think he is conveying that all this complexity is a bit ridiculous. It should be boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, they continue seeing each other. wtf! haha.

i agree with this

none of this changes the fact that the TS is desperate for a relationship and he is communicating that desperation and it prompted her to communicate to him DIRECTLY that she is not interested in a LTR with him

which is unusual given that women are generally reticent to communicate so directly

 

[corrector]

women have no problem sleeping with men they know aren't relationship material

many times she makes a guy she considers relationship material wait for sex but she will bang the unavailable bad boy straight away

So, the logical implication of what you are saying is....she sees Jariel as the unavailable bad boy and if she made him wait for sex then she'd may have seen him as relationship material ... exactly what I advised him to do with her. Make her wait otherwise comes off as a man-hor that does this to other women, or maybe she slept with him because he came across as an unavailable bad boy - now that fantasy bubble is bursed she lost him. Maybe Jariel got "bad-boy" zoned. See I made up a new term...make a website based on that term now I'm famous.

 

[Serg897]

There is a lot of truth to what Aaron is saying.

I think it depends on the woman. Those with many options will be choosy about who they finally get into LTRs with - men throw themselves at them all the time, especially plenty of AFCs who will get attached easily. You must be aloof, have other options, and have your own life without her in order to keep this sort of woman.

Im learning this lesson firsthand. Hooked up with a super hottie last month, hung out with her too much and got too invested and now she seems a bit cold. This is despite all my sosuave knowledge and following all the basic guidelines (i.e., not hanging out more than 1-2 times a week, keeping phone conversations short, etc). When you get emotionally invested even in the slightest this will manifest itself in your actions/what you say, everytime. Time to disappear!

 

[floydb25]

Just wanted to add: the best way to get a relationship is to act like you would when you DON'T want one. Thats when you're the most successful. People want what they can't have, and feel like they EARNED you. When you give off relationship vibes too soon - you're making it too easy. Again, you dont have to say anything for this to happen. They can sense it. This is why you're getting these lines. They sense that you want one, so they tell you they don't want one.

Also, what kind of vibes are you giving off on these dates? Too serious? Too friendly? Too nice? You want to make them feel excited, horny, and intrigued. This on top of being a challenge. You want them to can't wait to see you - then make them super happy when you. Then, make them want to see you again and again. This is sparks and passion and anticipation.

Remember: just because a girl agrees to date you - doesn't mean she's fully interested. More like intrigued and curious. You aren't "in" yet. When you date for a while, they could realize that you're not what they wanted. They don't feel the attraction anymore. You don't have what they want. You're not making them feel anything. They just think they want it, but then, when you actually do things, they're not excited anymore. They're more in the anticipation phase than anything. Wanting to see you so bad, but then feeling bored when you spend time together. Or, too much time together.

 

[st_99]

"bad-boy" zoned.

ya think this may be a real phenomenon? could be!

what she thought was a bad-boy turns into affectionate boy, girl gets confused, loses interest??

 

[Aaron B]

So, the logical implication of what you are saying is....she sees Jariel as the unavailable bad boy and if she made him wait for sex then she'd may have seen him as relationship material ... exactly what I advised him to do with her. Make her wait otherwise comes off as a man-hor that does this to other women, or maybe she slept with him because he came across as an unavailable bad boy - not what fantasy bubble is bursed she lost him. Maybe Jariel got "bad-boy" zoned. See I made up a new term...make a website based on that term now I'm famous.

I was obviously speaking in general terms. You seem to want to argue for the sake of argument. I do not share your desire.

Additionally, you have posted nothing constructive that could actually help the TS.

Feel free to build something of your own and post it here to see if its torn down like you've tried to tear down my posts.

 

[corrector]

I think it depends on the woman. Those with many options will be choosy about who they finally get into LTRs with - men throw themselves at them all the time, especially plenty of AFCs who will get attached easily. You must be aloof, have other options, and have your own life without her in order to keep this sort of woman.

Jariel has plenty of options. He said himself that women are obsessed with him and chasing him, but he doesn't want them, he has FB's and has been on a ton of dates. If that doesn't mean he has options, then I don't know what does.

People here are not reading his original post if they keep missing that. You can only have "one" soul-mate. By definitions you don't have options for "soul-mates". Even if you act differently, she picks up you want her, women have very good antennae...this is why having oneitis has no solutions.

I'm glad I've read Jariel's post because it breaks the mis-conception that if you are better with women in general, then you have a better chance of having a "soul-mate" and that missing the boat on a "soul-mate" or oneitis simply reflects deficiencies with women in general, and if you work on those, then you'll eventually be able to win the "soul-mate" when you get her.

In case if you haven't notice, Jariel's post basically nukes that arguement with a megatonne blast because his betterment with women didn't benefit him with this girl. He may as well have been a virgin WBAFC and hoped she felt sorry for him or that he was special and started an LTR relationship. Even the sex doesn't matter now to him.

Whether you are a WBAFC, or a DJ doesn't matter. If that "one" soul-mate rejects you - then it sucks because you simply can't have multiple options on that one girl that is a "soul-mate". If you are a WBAFC, and that "one" soul-mate sees something in you that she really likes then you are actually better off than the best DJ if that one "soul-mate" ends up rejecting you. That is why I say ignorance is bliss as we all go full circle. End up acting like an AFC anyway when you really do meet that "soul-mate".

That is why this DJ stuff does not make sence because at the end of the day, if the best DJ, which represents "Jariel" gets rejected by his soul-mate, then all of that time investments means nothing and he could have done other things with his life rather than waste his time with FBs or dating lots of women. This whole thing is just a big joke.

 

[st_99]

Bottom line is Jariel does not have much problems getting laid but he cannot seem to hook the occasional one's that come along that he actually likes and wants to keep around.

IMO, he (and i) act different around the ones that we want to keep around.
But its hard not to act different, I think that is the lynchpin to this problem that I am well aware of. If we could act the same around ALL girls we date and f*ck, then we would have far more success in terms of them wanting to come back for more. We would be in control, not out of control.

 

[floydb25]

Corrector: No... It shows that, even if you are physically attractive and have options - doesn't mean you can attract anyone for the long-term. So, its the opposite of what you claim. This stuff is what you need to keep them interested... Something he can't do just with his looks. Without game, you fail.

Not blaming him... I used to be the same way. No problems getting girls - hundreds of them - but couldn't keep any of them. They'd all come on super strong, have a crush on me... Then boom, gone. It's not until I stopped caring and acted like I didn't want a relationship that things changed.

You pick up on this after a while. Usually once you get burned and realize how much not caring, not looking, and not pushing works... At least for a while. Can't enter relationship mode too soon - even if you want one. It's gotta be gradual. Acting like you don't want one in the beginning is the best. Just treat them like you do with friends... Make jokes, have a good time, poke fun... Real casual with no expectations, like Aaron said.

This is the nature of the game. Everything that makes logical sense is wrong. It's all backwards. Once you realize that - you begin to have success. It's just hard to grasp initially.

 

[Nutz]

She suggested she wasn't ready to have sex

Beta bait. You fell for it.

She wanted sex and in a way was testing to see if you'd go for what you want. You showed her you're really just a beta in disguise and it probably turned her off. She may not articulate it this way, but that's probably what's she's feeling in her gut.

 

[rhcp83]

If the OP looks anything like his pics I've seen when he was on here a few years ago, he has a meathead look (even if he isn't that type of guy)...and that's the type of guy women use for crazy sex. Unfortunately women stereotype and think "Ok he's got nothing to offer other than hot sex" or "If I get involved with him, I'll get hurt" so they reject him before he can reject her.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks again for all the advice and support. So much good info here and I do feel enlightened after reading the replies.

In short, yes I think I let my guard down and given off the relationship vibes too soon. In her rejection text she told me she was too scared to make any big changes to her life and lose her independence. For her to say that, she obviously assumed I was looking for something serious and felt that I was putting her under pressure - never good.

I figured because she was giving me these vibes, it was ok for me to return them. I got complacent I guess. When I think back to all the other women who have rejected me this way, it's the same common denominator. I always let my guard down and stop being a challenge.

Another thing that springs to mind is that I often text these women I like after the date, expressing my interest to meet up again, talking about how I had a good time or something reassuring. Whereas the women I'm not so keen on, I leave hanging. These are the ones who become obsessively interested. This coincides with what people here are saying about keeping that challenge alive in order to increase interest.

Being warm and affectionate has worked in my favour many times now in terms of escalating interest, perfect first dates and sex, but I see there needs to be a point where I withdraw that affection, leave her guessing and craving more. It's timing I guess and the timing seems to be after sex.

Again, thank you all for your insightful replies. It always helps to get an objective perspective and there is some reassurance in knowing I can learn from my experiences. I have another date tomorrow. I've been very warm and affectionate with this girl too and her interest is sky high. I'll keep all this advice in mind though and remember to be a challenge.

 

[Jariel]

Beta bait. You fell for it.

She wanted sex and in a way was testing to see if you'd go for what you want. You showed her you're really just a beta in disguise and it probably turned her off. She may not articulate it this way, but that's probably what's she's feeling in her gut.

I see what you're saying and she certainly did want sex, but I'm not sure how I conveyed I was a beta as I did go for what I wanted and I fvcked her real good.

If the OP looks anything like his pics I've seen when he was on here a few years ago, he has a meathead look (even if he isn't that type of guy)...and that's the type of guy women use for crazy sex. Unfortunately women stereotype and think "Ok he's got nothing to offer other than hot sex" or "If I get involved with him, I'll get hurt" so they reject him before he can reject her.

Yes, this is something I think about. I definitely attract women quite easily on a physical level and have no real problem getting sex, but maybe I'm not the type of guy women go for in the long term. However, that said, I've had a number of women really fall for me. Just last month I dated a girl who told me she was falling in love with me. So it appears just to be the women I'm interested in who won't stick around.

 

[Tiguere]

you gave the vibe of the niceguy looking to settle down instead of being the badboy will will only provide her with only part-time fun and deviant fantasies.


rock on. move forward. you live and learn

 

[floydb25]

Whereas the women I'm not so keen on, I leave hanging. These are the ones who become obsessively interested. This coincides with what people here are saying about keeping that challenge alive in order to increase interest.

Yes... That is your answer. The way you act around those you're not interested in is how you should act around those you are. Maybe not too this extreme... You can't show NO interest, and do nothing. It's something you'll pick up on... To find that right balance.

Now, they might say these things bother them, but its not what they say that's important - its what they respond to. They'll say they hate that you're being this and that - while simultaneously pursuing you harder. Always follow their actions. Words mean nothing. Don't assume they're connected.