Does "No Contact" really work?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Ok. What?

It just seems like an awful lot of fuss. Following what you said, this is the sequence I may have followed:

1. Sex
2. Voicemail message "hey had a good time, call you soon" etc.
3. Wait a little (maybe she'll call)
4. Call "hey drinks at barfly 7pm, see you there" click.
5. Arrive at 7

Yeah, that's it in a nutshell. Most times it's pretty clear looking from the outside in. The challenge is to have such an objectively clear perceptions from the inside.

 

[reset]

The challenge is to have such an objectively clear perceptions from the inside.

Yeah I agree I've done the wrong things while knowing they were the wrong things but couldn't help myself.

If you KNOW the right thing to do, you have to go through with it even if your own drama starts fighting you. I have learned that the hard way plenty of times.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Actually, MNIN, what I was thinking was that the date sounds like she's going to flake. She's making all the standard noises. And now I read that her offer of meeting you for drinks only came during when she replied to YOUR message, IOW, she didn't take the initiative to contact you first and offer drinks, it happened during her response to you after you contacting her. That offer and how it wasn't confirmed for tonight, that's what gives me pause.

Can you do me a favor, and yourself a favor? If she flakes tonight, don't call her, okay? If she flakes, just move on and forget her. No twenty pages of a new thread. It's difficult to keep up with all that reading only to find nothing's changed.

You think she going to flake? Wow, I don't think so. I think I've got this one interested right now, but we'll see. I'll make you that deal. If she doesn't show, I'll just leave the place and not call. She already texted me "see you soon" a few min ago did you see that part?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Actually, MNIN, what I was thinking was that the date sounds like she's going to flake. She's making all the standard noises. And now I read that her offer of meeting you for drinks only came during when she replied to YOUR message, IOW, she didn't take the initiative to contact you first and offer drinks, it happened during her response to you after you contacting her. That offer and how it wasn't confirmed for tonight, that's what gives me pause.

Can you do me a favor, and yourself a favor? If she flakes tonight, don't call her, okay? If she flakes, just move on and forget her. No twenty pages of a new thread. It's difficult to keep up with all that reading only to find nothing's changed.

I'm all for being realistic but c'mon fellas, can we put a little less effort into planning to fail? All this reactionary actions without any real purpose is what Reset was talking about being so confusing. You're tying yourselves up in knots.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I don't think Mr. Me saw that she just texted me saying she'll be there tonight.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Yeah I agree I've done the wrong things while knowing they were the wrong things but couldn't help myself.

If you KNOW the right thing to do, you have to go through with it even if your own drama starts fighting you. I have learned that the hard way plenty of times.

Here's the problem, because they haven't done it enough to understand that it actually works. They're stuck on believing that what's logical is what's right. The name of this thread is a perfect example.

 

[reset]

Yeah, gotcha. When I started applying the stuff I learned here it freaked me out that less attention and more challenge actually worked in my favor, it didn't make sense but I just went with it and now I get it more, even though it's the opposite of what I was raised to believe.

 

[Mr. Me]

"I don't think Mr. Me saw that she just texted me saying she'll be there tonight."

I did read that. It's that I don't always believe what women say in these situations, that's all.

And Francisco, this spin of yours this "planning to fail" stuff. It's getting tiring. It's not "planning to fail". It's really about being more in tune with things in order to succeed!

The gal sounds like she may flake, and MININ doesn't see it. The way he is, if she does flake, we'll be getting all his reaction stuff. Maybe what you'd like to post more about is how to stop his rollercoasters? Those are your better posts.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...And Francisco, this spin of yours this "planning to fail" stuff. It's getting tiring. It's not "planning to fail". It's really about being more in tune with things in order to succeed! ....

Well what you guys constantly focus on is what to do if she doesn't do a particular thing. You're always on the defensive, always making the second move, always reacting to things instead of being in charge of the situation. It's more confusing to plan for a myriad of next steps dependent on how she acts instead of just working your plan. All this second guessing isn't helpful and it's the thing that really tiring.

 

[Mr. Me]

Well what you guys constantly focus on is what to do if she doesn't do a particular thing. You're always on the defensive, always making the second move, always reacting to things

Wait a sec, you're saying that you post all this "planning to fail" stuff because I'm posting what you (incorrectly) assume is reactionary stuff? Doesn't that make your posts reactionary if you're posting them in reaction to my posts?

Anyway, like I said, what I'm posting is not "defensive/reactionary" matter. It's about sizing up the situation intuitively and knowing what to do if this or that happens rather than being possibly sucker punched. That's about being prepared and knowing how to size up and handle situations and even about not letting them happen before they occur.

Mohammed Ali - the Champ!!!- would study films of his upcoming opponents over and over again so that he would be familiar with everything they could throw at him so he could be prepared before getting in the ring and know what to do if and when, when the fight came. Would you say that he was "planning to fail" or "planning to succeed"?

"You think she going to flake? Wow, I don't think so. I think I've got this one interested right now, but we'll see. I'll make you that deal. If she doesn't show, I'll just leave the place and not call.

I wrote that she MAY flake. Read my words. I wrote IF she flakes. Sounds "like" she's going to. Nowhere did I write that I think she absolutely will.

She already texted me "see you soon" a few min ago did you see that part?"

Yeah, yeah, hold on to your shorts, okay. Sheesh. WTF do you think women say when they're going to flake anyway? They either say "Hey, I forgot! My kitty cat just had heart surgery and I have to pick her up from the vet" or "My brother just called! He just came home from ten years serving as a Missionary in Columbia and he needs me to pick him up at the airport right now!" or "I'll see you later!" That's if they call at all.

The thing is, YOU don't even GET that she sounds like she MAY flake. YOU don't HEAR it coming. She may or may not, all I'm saying is that she's making those sounds, and I wrote why I think so and it's not just about what she just said. Hope she doesn't, but I think you ought to better solidify your dates rather than accept "I'll call you tomorrow" and other weak commitments that lead to being flaked on.

(In boxing terms, I guess that would be akin to Ali holding his hands in perfect position, in what F'D would call Ali planning to fail?)

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...(In boxing terms, I guess that would be akin to Ali holding his hands in perfect position, in what F'D would call Ali planning to fail?)

So you equate interactions with women to boxing... Figures.

 

[Mr. Me]

No, it's an anology, it's not equating the two. Gawd, that's funny!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

No, it's an anology, it's not equating the two. Gawd, that's funny!

Hey, you're the one who wrote it...

 

[My Name is Nobody]

She just left.

We laid around and just talked for 2 hours this morning. She found out about my coffee dates.. heheheheh! I think she's jealous. This just proves that spinning plates helps in NUMEROUS WAYS. It makes them want you so much more if they know you are spinning plates. It's crazy!

The one I have a coffee date planned with today texted me last night to confirm but I didn't answer. This one found out about it, I'm honest and don't try to hide things. I'm still going to show up to the coffee date but I don't feel like texting back. Maybe she
won't show I don't care actually.

I told her to hit me up she said she would. She's going out of town to visit "family" in a couple days and I just told her to have fun. I never asked about any other guys or exes I just played it cool like I didn't give a damn and I'm doing my own thing when she's not around. No AFC came out last night or this morning.

She went off about some loser EX she dated a few weeks ago and I just shrugged it off. I didn't ask her about any exes she just came out with it. She keeps trying to make me jealous by talking about other guys and I don't let it phase me I ignore it and it bugs her I can tell!

She asked me what I did new years eve and I told her I hung out with a crazy divorcee and I told her about the ex husband photo album and how crazy the woman was BUT I did not tell her I got thrown out I left that part out.

I negged her a few times during the night and just played around and I think it worked and I have gotten into her head!

We tried to watch a movie last night but we ended up talking the entire time. We even restarted the movie but we still ended up talking and missing the whole thing!

What do you guys think?

 

[MacAvoy]

Did you bang her? I hope so if she spent the night, otherwise you likely came across pretty AFC if you spent the whole night talking MUSH to her, then cuddling, and waking up and talking 2 more hours of MUSH.

Other than that, you are doing things right with her, playing it cool, acting as a DJ. Now you need to cut the cord. You've got to learn to think and act on your own. You don't need to post here 25 times a day, asking about every little detail. Your NEVER going to learn to think on your own, if we hold your hand through everything.

You have to make mistakes and learn from them, thats the only way your going to grow. I'm not saying stop coming here, but don't ask us to analyze every single detail.

As for the coffee date, don't be a jerk and not reply, look how you were jumping in circles yesterday wondering if this girl was going to show up, until you finally sent another msg to confirm. Karma baby, treat others how you want to be treated. If for no other reason, that to keep this current girl off the pedastool, keep spinning plates, however your so attached to this new girl, that your already writing off the potential of this second coffee girl, who could be an even better match for you but you'll NEVER know because your going in with the attitude that she can't possible be as great for you as this current girl.

Be a man, live your life, do you really want us to hold your hand all the way through this?

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Did you bang her? I hope so if she spent the night, otherwise you likely came across pretty AFC if you spent the whole night talking MUSH to her, then cuddling, and waking up and talking 2 more hours of MUSH.

Other than that, you are doing things right with her, playing it cool, acting as a DJ. Now you need to cut the cord. You've got to learn to think and act on your own. You don't need to post here 25 times a day, asking about every little detail. Your NEVER going to learn to think on your own, if we hold your hand through everything.

You have to make mistakes and learn from them, thats the only way your going to grow. I'm not saying stop coming here, but don't ask us to analyze every single detail.

As for the coffee date, don't be a jerk and not reply, look how you were jumping in circles yesterday wondering if this girl was going to show up, until you finally sent another msg to confirm. Karma baby, treat others how you want to be treated. If for no other reason, that to keep this current girl off the pedastool, keep spinning plates, however your so attached to this new girl, that your already writing off the potential of this second coffee girl, who could be an even better match for you but you'll NEVER know because your going in with the attitude that she can't possible be as great for you as this current girl.

Be a man, live your life, do you really want us to hold your hand all the way through this?

Yes I slept with her I thought that would be obvious. And I canceled the coffee date I told her something came up. I am tired and hung over with a migraine that won't go away.

As for posting I'll probably keep this going for the hell of it if other people are interested to keep the thread alive. My posting really gets on your nerves for some reason judging by the troll thread you made about me.

As for talking "MUSH" to her, I didn't even go there. We talked about current events, life, things like that. I didn't get mushy at all. Maybe she is like "WTF" because I am not trying to hold her down, get "lovey dovey" or anything like that. Just enjoying her company while she is around.

That "mushy" stuff is up to her. I don't expect her to hang around a long time she is young and probably will move on fast. And that's how I am playing it and I am not hiding that from her and maybe it will work to make her stick around. But as I said I think that stuff is up to her if she wants to talk about it I'll listen.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'm in the Francisco camp....

Just lead and she'll follow if she's interested.

:yes: It is just that simple.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...What do you guys think?

Stop bringing up the specifics of your personal life which involves other women. All that she needs to understand is that you have other things going on in your life which means that you aren't always readily available and you have to schedule time around your other activities. NO, you don't tell her in those specific words, you just plan dates in the future.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Stop bringing up the specifics of your personal life which involves other women. All that she needs to understand is that you have other things going on in your life which means that you aren't always readily available and you have to schedule time around your other activities. NO, you don't tell her in those specific words, you just plan dates in the future.

That's true, I need to play that card better.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That's true, I need to play that card better.

You're problem is that you get so happy about progressing successfully during a date you just start talking and you don't stop. Consider refocusing that energy, use it to your advantage.