Does "No Contact" really work?

[Eddie417]

What's everyone's opinion on this? I mean when you like a girl and you have had sex with her but something happens and she stops accepting your invitations to go out, or drops the "LJBF" line on you. That's usually the kiss of death, but sometimes "LJBF" doesn't mean anything and they still hook up with you, like this situation. So I'm trying this method out but unfortunately I am here and not out spinning plates in the process.

So does anybody have any stories where "not contacting" the female you like for however long made her come back?

I got the "I made a mistake" e-mail last Friday after 6 weeks NC - by which time I'd moved on and wasn't interested anymore.

NC is to move on, not a magic trick to get a woman back. Being dumped is just an opportunity to upgrade. NC just puts you in the right frame of mind.

 

[Eddie417]

So you think I should hang out with other women, take a picture of me with the other woman and send it to her?

Interesting... Can I get a second opinion on this?

Just hang out with other women. Forget the picture.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...The only reason she found out about my other dates is because we were drinking and she was prying and I am honest so I didn't hide it. Maybe I need to get better hiding it and maybe this is why she is playing her game now and obviously it's working because I am posting about her.

I'm seeing another pattern here, it's back to that reactionary actions. Woman tries to take you down an AFC track and you try to hide information from her. If you don't want to tell her those things, then don't! You worry about handling what you think as her playing games and you are the first one in line listening to and following the rules that she lays down. You're still in a defensive, reactionary mindset. Change that and you may also be able to create the outcomes that you want from you meetings instead of having her dictate them.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

So you think I should hang out with other women, take a picture of me with the other woman and send it to her?

Interesting... Can I get a second opinion on this?

You should know how I feel about leaning on others in order to bolster your own social worth.

 

[reset]

So you think I should hang out with other women, take a picture of me with the other woman and send it to her?

Interesting... Can I get a second opinion on this?

Ok. Just some friendly fire.

1. That sounds like something a girl who is trying to make a guy jealous would do. "Hey babe, I can't get a hold of you so here's a picture of me having lots of fun not even thinking about you or caring. The fact I'm sending this at all may make it look like I care, but I don't. Just look at how much fun I'm having on the outside while freaking out about you on the inside"

You just started seeing her and you're already trying to figure out ways to burn her.

2. You're 27. Maybe too old for that sort of thing.

Dude you have to get to the point where you aren't like one of those pinballs going back and forth all over the place based on a girls moods or actions. I'm not saying I'm at that point, but that's what you strive for.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Ok. Just some friendly fire.

1. That sounds like something a girl who is trying to make a guy jealous would do. "Hey babe, I can't get a hold of you so here's a picture of me having lots of fun not even thinking about you or caring. The fact I'm sending this at all may make it look like I care, but I don't. Just look at how much fun I'm having on the outside while freaking out about you on the inside"

You just started seeing her and you're already trying to figure out ways to burn her.

2. You're 27. Maybe too old for that sort of thing.

Dude you have to get to the point where you aren't like one of those pinballs going back and forth all over the place based on a girls moods or actions. I'm not saying I'm at that point, but that's what you strive for.

I am not trying to burn her, I did not agree with the post about sending her pics with other women.

I heard from her last night so all this worrying seems to be my mind working against me. Time to chill.

 

[reset]

No but you considered it because you're not coming from your gut. It's all good.

 

[evelsteve]

The bottom line is if you want her or not. In my experience, if you really want a woman to stay, you use the social circle or other "pivots" (other women, especially hot ones, whether it be photos,in conversation,etc.) as well as how active and how fulfilled you are in life (which is the point, no?). I use this to show the woman you're not needy (why would she want a needy guy?). On the inside, it may SEEM childish/game playing, due to our PUA ways, but SHE doesn't know that. It's that simple.

Now, if it's the case you DON'T want her, then by all means, go find another one;find some more plates to spin! Like I said, it depends on whether you want her or not. If you don't, don't even worry about it. Sour grapes are for AFC's.

 

[Adam007]

If u like her even now.u should accept her and be a good friend

 

[My Name is Nobody]

If u like her even now.u should accept her and be a good friend

I would like to be "friends" but apparently she hates me. The last time I tried to initiate contact was 2 weeks ago and she texted me back "i never want to see you again".
Since then I haven't heard a peep from her and she doesn't even look my direction anymore. She hasn't deleted me from IM but she hasn't logged on since new years. I really would like to know what is going on in her head.

I figure she's found a rebound guy I'm just glad it's not me. She is damaged goods.

 

[reset]

This is contact after you said "hey are you doing ok?"

You don't know if no contact works because you never practiced it with this chick.

This is why it's can be a huge pain to get involved with chicks you work with, but that's life.

If she never wants to see you again it works in your favor because you won't be seeing a newly divorced girl full of drama who will take it out on any guy. Even if you hadn't acted AFC with her, I bet at some point she would have taken the drama out on you.

This is why qualifying is important, I see it more clearly every day. It's not just how the chick looks. It's who she is, how she behaves, and having an awareness of how chicks can respond when their life is drama.

So even though your ego is bruised, you are being spared a lot of pain in the long run.

Take a moment to ask yourself, what YOUR need for drama is. You get off on drama. This is drama. WHen you're into drama, texts like "I never want to see you again" creates a messed up form of excitement. For a lot of us, (me included) THAT is what "love" or whatever means to us. The excitement of getting our ego thrown all over the place, up and down, creates that roller coaster ride and we associate that with having an intimate relationship.

This is exactly how women get off, by the way. This is what they live for.

It's about what's inside. Spinning plates helps to distract you from putting all your emotional energy in one chick. But even now you have a girl that it's working with and you're still thinking about this one. And you're thinking about her for drama reasons. When she says "I don't want to see you again" you respond, it's rejection, your interest increases, and that's when you get in trouble. Wanting to know what's going on in her head, will drive you crazy, becuase you'll never be IN HER HEAD to really know! And if you ask, she'll just confuse you more! There's no benefit to your emotional health.

"She's damaged goods"-----"I really want to know what's going on in her head" <----PROBLEM! DANGER! DRAMA IN MALE FORM!

Lol. Remember most of what I write here is stuff I'm learning for the first time so don't take it personally.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

.... I figure she's found a rebound guy I'm just glad it's not me. She is damaged goods.

.... I really would like to know what is going on in her head.

WHY???!!!

 

[romangod]

I really would like to know what is going on in her head.

I figure she's found a rebound guy I'm just glad it's not me. She is damaged goods.

If you can figure out what is going on in her head you've solved a mystery that's been around since the beginning of time. I wouldn't waste my time and energy trying to know.


.:nono:

 

[My Name is Nobody]

This is contact after you said "hey are you doing ok?"

No before that.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

WHY???!!!

I don't know. Curious?

 

[reset]

Ok. I don't remember you bringing that part up. Why are you thinking about it now?

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Ok. I don't remember you bringing that part up. Why are you thinking about it now?

Because the newbie guy bumped up the thread saying I should be "friends" with her so I started thinking about it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don't know. Curious?

Give a good reason for why knowing would benefit you and maybe the forum could help.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Give a good reason for why knowing would benefit you and maybe the forum could help.

Actually, I think I figured it out. She saw me as a possible rebound guy, she found out I don't need her like that. Plus some other stupid things I did, and she bailed. Her extreme anger issues are because of a bad marriage and broken home growing up, and she takes it out on others. You think that pretty much sums it up?

I think the captain save a ho in me still wants to figure her out for some reason. I just want what I can't have.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Actually, I think I figured it out. ... Her extreme anger issues are because of a bad marriage and broken home growing up, and she takes it out on others. ...?

.... I just want what I can't have.

Explain why you would want that.