Craigslist post gets a reaction

[STR8UP]

It would be a better idea to put your pic up. Sit back, wait for the responses to come back to you.

Online is purely physical. But no matter how good looking you are, you just won't get them all.

That would save time on my end. It's just for some reason I am freaked out about putting my pic on Craigslist! And I don't know why it's really not that big of a deal.

I would think that would make the responses few and far between, but you never know....if a chick IS out there reading it and she like s the post AND the look she's going to be more likely to respond.

 

[guru1000]

I would think that would make the responses few and far between, but you never know....if a chick IS out there reading it and she like s the post AND the look she's going to be more likely to respond.

I am a very busy guy. I don't have time to meet new plates with my personal and business life. I sit back, recieve emails,if I am interested, ask for the number in response to her initial email. Call her, make plans. Go out. If I like her , I keep her as a plate.

2 of my 4 plates, I met online.

O BTW the picture does it all. You don't need a profile. My profile says "Have a nice day."

 

[CGE333]

STR8UP,

Keep in mind that these women really have nothing invested in you and you have nothing invested in them. Some women probably respond to almost every ad posted there and other places. Plus if they have their own ads up they are probably bombarded with responses. I have never tried it, but I believe it is a pure #'s game. Not sure what the ratios could be but you'll probably need a lot of responses to get a meeting set up that doesn't fall through.

 

[ketostix]

Okay, but what's the ratio you should be "closing" on a blind ad such as this?

When they reply they have NO idea what you look like, but I'm guessing they are building you up in their minds.

If I were to post a pic in the ad, that part would be a non issue. But since I have no pic there, the closing ration is going to be WAAAAAY lower. I'm just a bit disappointed that not one in six or so responded back. I was talking to my business partner today who knows his sh!t when it comes to women, and he said that he thought that wasn't an unlikely thing that six women would all shut me down.

I don't have much experience with Craigslist, but from my experience with internet without a pic I would say your closing rate for meeting up would be less than 10%.

Now that I think about it though, In the one dimensional world of the internet pretty much ALL you have is the look to initially attract her. The words in the ad are great and all, but how much "interest" does she have at that point? Basically none....it's nothing but curiosity. So by the time she gets your pic, if you aren't what she was picturing, "her type", then it's goodbye.

Exactly. That's how I've seen it play out too. Without a pic she'll have this "romanticized" image of you, but she'll not act on it usually, meaning meet up. She'll be content with staying in fantasy land over you until she gets the pic then it's goodbye, just as you said.

So I suppose I shouldn't really get too discouraged with six rejections with not so good pics. I'm gonna dig up some better pics, but without better pics at what point do you have to say it's a waste of time?

Like I've said previously the pic counts more than anything else. Nothing else even matters really unless the pic is good enough. The thing is if you post a pic upfront and you get replies, then you should be closing I'd say at least 25% of the time. But if the girl contacts you before seeing the pic, this group of girls would likely give you a less than 10% success rate. So 6 rejections is actually very expected.

Lets say my pics make me look like a 5 or a 6 like our friend iqqi says. If I get pics that make me look like a 7 how much better should my ratio be? I would still bet that unless you look like an abercrombie model it's still going to be relatively low. Maybe one in ten with the current pics, and one in 7 with better ones?

Well the way I see it is if the pic is posted upfront then any replies would be legitimate interest so the ratio should be higher than 1 in 4 if your game is right. But if your sending pics after they contacted you blind, I think you have to be extradornarily goodlooking to get a ratio much higher than 1 in 10. I think it's mostly about getting any meetups being the test of whether your pic is good enough. Some people might think my numbers are pessimistic but I believe you have to go through a lot of girls before you find many that actually follow through to a meet up. Again, unless your pics are posted up front and a girl contacts you unsolicited. But they're rare and are already reduced from the bigger pool.

 

[zoodude]

Okay so I replied to the hot 25 year old blond with picts and I never heard back from her. Would be cool if she would have responded saying thanks but your not my type etc. I guess with the demanding ad she was expecting something else....

I must have the same problem as the other guys on here with their pictures. Mine aren't bad but I don't really seem to take good photos so I'm in the same boat. I've been told by many woman that I'm attractive but of course this is in person and looks are subjective.

Should I email her and act like no big deal and see if she replies? If so what should be the tone? Or just forget about it. From the looks side this chick (if real) was hot and it would be fun to date her so it would be cool to at least exchange a few messages and see what happens.

 

[Mr. Me]

I have to say I tried this experiment and got just one decent response from out of state, along with several hate emails. And one gay guy.

I reposted a new ad that doesn't have the "qualifiers" theme but which the theme is more about "here's where to get the fun experience you're seeking from the type of guy you're seeking", which is my typical approach, and got four responses already, all good (though none I'd want to meet).

 

[MikeYikes122]

Nah, I sent my girl an e-mail about a week and a half after she responded and she never got back to me. I think I waited too long to respond to her. I was going to follow through with it though and post my experiences on this board. It just never came to be.

 

[mrRuckus]

I met a slightly younger than me girl who was the second to respond to my post. We sent some emails with good conversation back and forth for a month since she was in Texas (where she's originally from) for a winter break over the holidays. The very day she flew back here, we got together.

She's athletic, lifts weights, intelligent, etc, etc... She did meet all the criteria I had posted. We had good sex a few times, and she seemed WAYYYY into me constantly trying to contact me even after our initial meetings. She always tried to be close to me wherever we went when we were together. Tried to take my arm, hold my hand, all that...

She just mostly vanished after that. I don't think I really did anything to cause lowered interest other than maybe being too available.

I called her Thursday night. I asked what rock she's been hiding under and she replies "the study rock." She said she's been busier than expected this new semester with her chem lab, physics lab, and she still has to find some volunteer work to do for her med school application. Then she went on to say that she's scared to get attached because she might be too busy to see me much, which she wasn't expecting since she took fewer classes than last semester and it could ruin a relationship and she'd get hurt, but on the other hand, thinks we could be really good together, doesn't want to just toss aside something that could be good, and she loves being around me. We talked altogether for an hour about various other stuff and at the end of the call she's like "you do believe me, don't you?" Then she volunteered to talk to me "tomorrow."

Heh.. yea, ok. Basically, meaningless girl fluff about 'confusion.' Actions speak louder than words. Her current level of contacting me (email/im/calls/txts) is completely the opposite of what i was getting from her even a week ago. This screams a lowered interest level. Who is *really* that busy to send a couple txts once in a while to say hi? She sure had an hour to kill talking on the phone.

This doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but i thought it was amusing: Almost the whole next day passes and by Friday evening I just start to assume she was full of crap and maybe I'd never hear from her again. I wasn't about to start chasing her and left it up to her to come after me if she was really interested.

I'm at the bar and my phone vibrates at 11:53pm. I'm surprised to see a txt from her. "So its like five minutes before tomo but im txtn to say hi hi!" I could take that as sorta mean, but i seriously doubt it was meant that way. I just thought it was funny. A couple bull****ting texts after that and i haven't heard from her since...

This is all just annoying to me because i've never experienced this sheer speed of interest level plummeting. I felt godly how much she gushed over me and chased me... then poof, she vanishes overnight. And this isn't one of those cases where your girlfriend was losing interest over time but faked it and then one day moves out and you're surprised but really you just ignored the signs. This girl was all over me and talking about future stuff we could do together and everything..

Maybe i'll post my ad up again... it did manage to get me some sex from a hot girl the first time. Just gotta move a little faster, but how often will the girl be out of town for 3 weeks before i can meet her?

 

[STR8UP]

I just sent a follow up email to the cute teacher chick. I was pretty sure it was a dead deal but I had nothing to lose, so what the hell? No reply. Oh well...

I got probably half a dozen responses and kind of got frustrated that I wasn't getting anywhere, although Keto seemed to believe that without a pic your closing rate would be less than 10%, so I will probably throw it back out there and see what happens.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Heh.. yea, ok. Basically, meaningless girl fluff about 'confusion.' Actions speak louder than words. Her current level of contacting me (email/im/calls/txts) is completely the opposite of what i was getting from her even a week ago. This screams a lowered interest level. Who is *really* that busy to send a couple txts once in a while to say hi? She sure had an hour to kill talking on the phone.

I normally agree with the actions speak louder than words mantra too, but I think there are some exceptions and you might be in one.

This summer I had a girl do this to me, where she was gushing over me and calling me all the time. Things were going well and we had sex a couple of times, but she kind of quit texting me and calling me all the time eventually. It wasn't really something I had done to lower her IL, rather it was more her just trying to play girl games. She kind of freaked out because I wasn't texting her all the time either and acting on the advice of her friends she quit contacting me and texting me all the time.

I don't know you personally, nor do I know this girl, so it could have been something you did. But I do think there is a possibility she is just trying to play some dumb game with you. If she texted you at 11:53 p.m. there is certainly a chance she was drunk and slipped up on the no-contact rule she forced upon herself.

If I were you, I'd let some time go by and just call her up on the weekend. I'm doubting she is a lost cause, because if you're the kind of guy I am you were put off by the excess contact. I know personally that I get annoyed by that. You might have done something to let her know that kind of behavior is unattractive.

 

[mrRuckus]

I don't know you personally, nor do I know this girl, so it could have been something you did. But I do think there is a possibility she is just trying to play some dumb game with you. If she texted you at 11:53 p.m. there is certainly a chance she was drunk and slipped up on the no-contact rule she forced upon herself.

I don't really think I did anything. She was quite attentive and fawning over me up until i went to bed last sunday. You'd think she'd have grown a bit colder before or during sunday if i had done something. But i got a heck of a good night kiss and some good night txts after i left...

We discussed stuff like this about the typical "Cosmo" rules a few weeks ago. I specifically warned her that it would have the opposite effect on me if a girl ever played the hard to get stuff. It's annoying as hell having to guess if someone is interested. Soon enough I'll be sick of this and then she's lost me and i'll say "i warned you before."

If I were you, I'd let some time go by and just call her up on the weekend. I'm doubting she is a lost cause, because if you're the kind of guy I am you were put off by the excess contact. I know personally that I get annoyed by that. You might have done something to let her know that kind of behavior is unattractive.

I don't mind it. She doesn't ring my phone.. just txts a lot and tries to get my attention on aim. I encouraged it more than anything. *I* should've been less available.

Eh, it could be any number of things. For all i know she got all panicy that she had such a great time with me... according to her she hardly ever dates anyone and only saw 2 guys in 2007 for very short periods. She seems very responsible and cares more about her schoolwork than anything.


I don't know. Feels weird i'm arguing that she doesn't want me. Usually posters are trying to convince themselves the girl IS into them.

But yeah that's pretty much the plan. I won't say anything all week. I don't know how I feel about calling her again next weekend if she doesn't contact me, but that decision is a week away. ---- aww crap i just realized her birthday is Wednesday... hard to just ignore that. sigh.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

I just sent a follow up email to the cute teacher chick. I was pretty sure it was a dead deal but I had nothing to lose, so what the hell? No reply. Oh well...

I got probably half a dozen responses and kind of got frustrated that I wasn't getting anywhere, although Keto seemed to believe that without a pic your closing rate would be less than 10%, so I will probably throw it back out there and see what happens.

STR8UP, I have a question for you.

I like reading your posts. I think you write intelligent & interesting stuff. So please don't take this the wrong way.

But I've noticed that you are working some unholy number of hours a week (like 90, I think you said). The stuff you post here can't be written quickly or easily, it obviously takes some time & thought.

With all due respect, are you sure that you are not over-investing what little free time you have available in your writing here?

 

[jophil28]

She just mostly vanished after that. I don't think I really did anything to cause lowered interest other than maybe being too available.

i haven't heard from her since...

One of the most prevalent misunderstandings amonst men in general and members of this forum in particular is that women who act erratically like the woman above, or who behave in an unpredictable manner, are doing so from LOW INTEREST level. If it were only that simple..!
This belief ( in low or lowered IL) is mostly a projection by men onto women.

Any man who behaved in this way towards a woman would probably do so because or LOW interest level in her. Conversely, we would likely focus our energy and attention CONSISTENTLY on a woman in whom we had HIGH interest level... And so we conclude that a woman who treats us casually or is erratic and undependable has LOW interest level in us.

Not so, gentlemen.

Women are easily pulled every which way by the myriad forces in their lives.
Where men are single minded in their pursuit of a goal ( a HB perhaps) and will prioritise accordingly , women allow their time and energy to be diverted and hijacked by the demands of friends, sisters, family ,children, school , the cat the dog or the emotional state of the parrot...or the dean..et al.

Watch how easily women are pulled into conversations with others(even strangers) when you and she are doing social things together.
How many times have you been ready to head out for a dinner date, you are standing in her kitchen chatting, and she takes a phone call from a G/f or her sister.
What does she do even if she knows that you are late for your table reservation? She CATERS to the wishes and the needs of the caller, and YOU and your plans then come second for the duration of the call.
Women CATER to the demands and pressure from others in their life.
Have you ever been frustrated by her apparent inability to say NO to others who want something from her ?
Women naturally ATTEND to others. THey try to please everybody (but in so doing sometimes neglect or sabotage their LTR )

Women's greatest social fear is disapproval from others - even a stranger's opinion of her is highly regarded....sometimes to the extent that a stranger's demands ( or feelings) are put ahead of her man's wishes. THis frustrates the heck out of me ( and lot of men I suspect).
Women are terrible at apportioning loyalty and priority. The notion of PRIMACY in an intimate relationshio is poorly processed by MOST women and badly practised .
ASk every divorced man you know whether he felt highly valued by his Ex wife. Ask him whether she made the business of their marriage, her priority- the "main event", over and above the demands of others .

So even a woman who MAY have a high IL in you will sometimes appear to act as if she is indifferent by neglecting you or even flaking on plans for no legitimate reason.
COmbine these external forces acting on her with her habitual "worry wart" nature and you get BEWILDERING behavior..
There is no simple answer, men ... there is no CURE for this dilemma. Women mostly act to relieve the immediate emotional pressure that they feel from others ,and NOT on what will create the best long term benefit..

That is the way they are.

 

[RedPill]

Women are easily pulled every which way by the myriad forces in their lives.
Where men are single minded in their pursuit of a goal ( a HB) and will prioritise accordingly , women allow their time and energy to be diverted and hijacked by the demands of friends, sisters, family ,children, school , the cat the dog or the emotionial state of the parrot... et al.

There is no simple answer... there is not CURE for this dilemma. Women mostly act on their immediate emotional pressure and NOT on what will create the best long term benefit..

That is the way they are.

This post by jophil succinctly explains what thousands of other threads on this discussion forum have failed to grasp.

 

[Colossus]

One of the most prevalent misunderstandings amonst men in general and members of this forum in particular is that women who act erratically like the woman above, or who behave in an unpredictable manner, are doing so from LOW INTEREST level. If it were only that simple..!
This belief (that low or lowered IL) is mostly a projection by men onto women.

A man who behaved in this way towards a woman would probably do so because or LOW interest level in her. Conversely, we would likely focus our energy and attention CONSISTENTLY on a woman in whom we had HIGH interest level... And so we conclude that a woman who treats us casually or is erratic and undependable has LOW interest level in us.

Not so, gentlemen.

Women are easily pulled every which way by the myriad forces in their lives.
Where men are single minded in their pursuit of a goal ( a HB) and will prioritise accordingly , women allow their time and energy to be diverted and hijacked by the demands of friends, sisters, family ,children, school , the cat the dog or the emotionial state of the parrot... et al.

Watch how easily women are pulled into conversations with others(even strangers) when you and she are doing social things together.
How many times have you been ready to head out for a dinner date, you are standing in her kitchen chatting, and she takes a phone call.
What does she do even if she knows that you are late for your table reservation? She CATERS to the wishes and the needs of the caller and YOU and your plans then come second for the duration of the call.
Women CATER to the demands and pressure from others in their life.
Have you ever been frustrated by her apparent inability to say NO to others who want something from her ?
Women naturally ATTEND to others. THey try to please every body (but in so doing sometimes neglect or sabotage their LTR )

Women's greatest social fear is disapproval from others - even a stranger's opinion are highly regarded....sometimes to the extent that a stranger's demands is put ahead of her man's wishes. THis frustrates the heck out of me ( and lot of men I suspect).
Women are terrible at apportioning loyalty and priority. The notion of PRIMACY in an intimate relationship is poorly processed by MOST women.
So even a woman who MAY have high IL in you will sometimes act as if she is indifferent by neglecting you or even flaking on plans for no legitimate reason.

There is no simple answer... there is not CURE for this dilemma. Women mostly act on their immediate emotional pressure and NOT on what will create the best long term benefit..

That is the way they are.

Great post, Jophil. This is exactly why my last LTR ended. She could not apportion time and priority to me with any measurable consistency. They are only yours for the moment it seems; until the moment is broken.

I think the low IL gets thrown around a lot as a blanket explanation for flakey or inconsistent behavior. More often than not, it IS a reasonable conclusion to make. But, as you said, women tend to be pulled every which way the wind blows. They often flake due to momentary disinterest, not an absolute disinterest in you.

The thing that frustrates me to no end is when a woman does not respect my time. My friends and I used to joke about the Man promise and the girl promise---

Man promise= "i promise, even if i have to make sacrifices to keep my word."

Girl promise= "I promise...until something better comes up."

It's a joke, of course, but there is some truth in jest.

 

[STR8UP]

But I've noticed that you are working some unholy number of hours a week (like 90, I think you said). The stuff you post here can't be written quickly or easily, it obviously takes some time & thought.

With all due respect, are you sure that you are not over-investing what little free time you have available in your writing here?

Actually this is sort of a hobby for me. Kind of therapeutic too.

I have the chance to pop in during the day a few times at work, then I get done working and I don't have the energy to do much else.

My work load has lightened up a little (I should be at about 50 hrs from now on I hope). Hopefully I can catch up on some rest and be able to get my social life back on track. That's why I decided to give your craigslist post a shot. It's TIME. Trust me, things would be different if I had a choice....

 

[mrRuckus]

This post by jophil succinctly explains what thousands of other threads on this discussion forum have failed to grasp.

Thank you for your post, jophil. I appreciate it.

It really does help explain why everything screams to me that she does have high interest, but stopped acting like it. Usually everyone here screams "she's not interested, stupid! Move on! Spin more plates!" very quickly before you can get two words out.

But in this situation, I never got the slightest inkling of low IL so I was shocked by the disappearance. I'm usually very in tune when their vibes. Yet, my "dj training" and personal experience tells me not to delude myself into wasting too much time on this woman or convince myself there's something where there isn't. So the two thoughts collide.

I hope your words, Jophil, and your encouragement, RedPill, aren't just something that props up my hopes that in the end this is really no big deal. So what you're saying it's a very distinct possibility that this girl is not just full of sh1t and when she says she's interested - she could very well still be but is distracted by what essentially amounts to "shiny things?"

This always bothers me when women say they are busy. They don't even have to be women i'm involved with. They act like they're overwhelmed and can't do anything else. Yet i'm bewildered by this because even when i'm busy i have tiny pockets of time to do little things like text a friend or check a webpage. Who is really going full 24/7 all day? I was in college. I was deluged in homework at times. I still somehow managed to talk to my girlfriend in the tiny little downtimes. Hell, she would bring food at the computer lab when we were in there doing finals/midterms work...

I wouldn't say she's been flaky. She did "talk to me tomorrow" like she said she would and has shown up for outings on time without causing any fuss. She does follow through on what she promises. Now inconsistent in behavior, yes... definitely.

I really don't want to analyze this stuff too much, but I am interested in the hows and whys of what is occurring for future interactions with women. Are there any other threads or articles about this? I guess my plan is the same as before. Just go a while and let her reinitiate contact when she starts to miss me and wonders where the hell i am so that *I* am her emotional priority.


____

In renewed interest of this thread, I reposted my original ad. I have two replies already. And what sucks is that these replies SUCK compared to what that girl had emailed me. She was so articulate... Oneitis, eh?

 

[ketostix]

I'd still say a woman who has both high interst in you and an average level of integrity wouldn't play so hot and cold or be as flaky. So I agree that a girl could have high interest in a situation like this, but she would have to be lacking in integrity to behave like that. My experience is most women almost always have some other guy they're making time with when they act flaky.

 

[jophil28]

....screams "she's not interested, stupid! Move on! Spin more plates!" very quickly before you can get two words out.

But in this situation, I never got the slightest inkling of low IL so I was shocked by the disappearance.

I have a casual plate who does the "disappearing act" too -she is 45 years old. THis stuff is NOT age specific.
SHe chases me when she is around. She smiles her way right across the room as she is approaching me with THAT big beaming look. She is the instigator ALWAYS ..We do this same dance over and over a few times each year for a few weeks

However, in betweentime I am dating others and having a great time.

To refer to your Quote above - I disagree with the first part( "she's not interested ...) but wholeheartedly endorse the second part - SPIN those plates.

 

[mrRuckus]

Heh... well after ignoring her for almost two days I got a txt last night shortly after my last post on this thread. "Hi there....i've had a stomach thing all weekend." Then after i didn't respond 2 hours later she popped up on AIM, which i never see her on anymore and she only uses to talk to me. I still had an away message up from earlier in the day saying "playing isketch with genie. go away." She logged off quickly. I bet she's thinking "who is genie???"

Haha, i feel like a young douche with my txt msg and aim talk...

It's so dumb that i have to do this foolishness.